Wario's Apprentice

By Badyoyo

The Cheep Cheep blimp appears above Wario.

Wario: Welcome back to Wario's Apprentice. I am the great Wario, and just above my building are eight losers who can't do anything right. Now, some people have said that I am not fair to my contestants, such as getting rid of Shy Guy and Cackletta at the same time, or getting rid of Waluigi even though I know he's a quick healer unlike my stupid employee Mona-

Mona: Hey!

Wario: Shut up! The only reason you're still on this show is so the viewers think we have a relationship going! What? Camera's still on me? Oops, anyway. To respond to these hate mails, I am going to bring the eight losers back, have a small interview, then have them go through a challenge so I will bring one back.

Suddenly the doors of WarioWare open, revealing Large Fry carrying a boney Cackletta, a vegetable-stained Shy Guy, a burned up Bully, Waluigi with no shirt carrying 2 golden belts, Bowser wearing a cardboard box, Fawful looking pretty much the same since he got kicked off, and Lemmy with a cast on his leg.

Wario: Hello, failures.

Losers: (DAD I hate this man) Good morning, Wario.

Wario: Yes, anyway, let's get down to business. Lemmy you were the person fired last, how do you feel?

Lemmy: I feel like I've been run over by a truck.

Wario: ... I hate bad jokes. Do you feel like you've improved since the last time we talked?

Lemmy: No, I've been recovering this whole time

Wario: If you haven't improved then you don't belong on my show.

Wario snatches Lemmy's crutch and pokes Lemmy with it until Lemmy falls backwards out a broken window.

Wario: *to Fawful* I have something to give you.

Fawful: You're giving me my gun back?

Wario: Close...

Wario takes out Fawful's gun, shoots Fawful with it, picks him up, and punts him out the window into Diamond City Dump. The other surviving losers are looking on in awe. Wario casually walks to his desk to interview the 6 others.

Wario: Now that he's out of the way, Bowser, why are you in a cardboard box?


Wario: This show is not stupid!

Wario tries to pick Bowser up, but can't.

Wario: You stay here for now. Bro, what's with the golden belts?

Waluigi: Waluigi wins tag team gold with King DeDeDe! Waluigi now Unified Tag Team Champion! ‘CAUSE I'M WALUIGI! AND I'M-

Wario: The author we're not supposed to talk about already did a Miz joke in his interview with Fawful. Do you feel like you've improved?

Waluigi: Nope.

Wario: Out you go.

Wario walks over to Waluigi, then Waluigi knocks out Wario with his belt. The losers, Jimmy T, and Mona gasp.

Bowser: NOW WHAT?!

Bully: We can't just have an unconscious host.

Shy Guy: We also need to decide who comes back.

Mona: I would host... if weren't for this broken leg.

Jimmy T: I ain't hosting, dog!

Crygor: I am sorry, but I am too busy researching why animals and people blink to host.

Suddenly Waluigi gets an idea. He then climbs on to the desk.

Waluigi: As the brother/stepbrother of Wario, I will take his hosting duties!

Waluigi gets down from the desk, but Wario regains consciousness and grabs Waluigi's leg.

Wario: Big mistake.

Wario drags Waluigi to his safe, shakes him so the belts fall into his safe, then drops Waluigi out an open window.

Wario: Sorry about that. Anyway, where was I? Oh yes, Bully, what's with the fourth degree burns?

Bully: My plantation got destroyed because one of my volcanoes erupted.

Wario: So sad, and still don't care. Do you feel like you've improved?

Bully: Wario, to be honest... no.

Wario: Then leave.

Bully: Where?! I have nowhere else to go! Please give me this second chance and I won't disappoint you!

Bully starts moping on Wario's desk.

Wario: *sigh* Fine.

Bully: You're going to let me stay?

Wario: No, I'm going to shove you off my desk and throw you out the window.

Wario does the above.

Wario: Shy Guy, let me guess, you’re humiliated due to the video and now you want revenge?

Shy Guy nods.

Wario: And you haven't improved?

Shy Guy nods.

Wario: I'm going to pity you: you can leave peacefully, or I can you throw out the window.

Shy Guy: I'll leave.

Shy Guy opens some steel doors.

Wario: Wait! That's- Oh forget it, he's eliminated anyway. Cackletta, Large Fry, it's been a while.

Large Fry: Actually it's been one episode.

Wario: But it's been ages since the last update. Has Cackletta improved?

Large Fry shakes his head... body... whatever.

Wario: I can't have old hags in my office!

Wario picks up Cackletta and throws her out the window.

Wario: Now do you want me to hurt you like I did in Wario Land?

Large Fry: But Wario, I have improved!

Wario: Grrrr. Fine! Bowser, Large Fry, come with me.

Wario leads Bowser and Large Fry to the steel doors that Shy Guy opened. To their surprise they see Shy Guy there.

Wario: Shy Guy, LEAVE!

Shy Guy: I was just fooling with you! I actually have improved, I just wanted to check out your building.

Wario: Grrrr. Well if you've improved then maybe you can join these two. Anyway, this is a little toy I like to call, THE GAUNTLET OF UNEMPLOYMENT!

Wario pulls a curtain to reveal 7 stages.

Wario: This is a seven-part battle in which you three are going to have to compete. Every stage is worth one point. Each stage resembles the biggest stupid moment that a person has had. If you don't make the same mistake he did, you pass. Person with the best performance gets the point for that stage, first to 3 points wins a second chance to be my apprentice and automatic immunity for this episode. Ready... set... go!

The 3 run to a shop with a pitcher of Cheep Cheep Blood.

Wario: Large Fry ruined this juice! Make it better!

Large Fry: I know where I screwed up; this time I will add sugar.

Large Fry takes out a packet of sugar and pours it into his pitcher


Bowser breathes fire onto his pitcher, making the blood boil.

Shy Guy: Hmmm, how about if we freeze with a vegetable?

Shy Guy pulls out a mini-fridge, an onion, and a knife. He cuts up the onion, then he starts crying as the chopped onion falls in.

Wario: Time! Let's test them!

Wario tastes each one.

Wario: Hmmmm... Large Fry gets a point!

Large Fry: Yes!

Wario: Next station!

The 3 move to a camera.

Wario: Shy Guy made an idiot out of himself in this episode! Do something good in front of a camera!

Large Fry starts dancing, Bowser gives a speech about WarioWare, Shy Guy gives a rap about WarioWare.

Wario: TIME!

Wario examines the videos.

Wario: Hmm... Shy Guy gets a point!

Shy Guy: Woohoo!

Wario: Next!

The 3 move to an office.

Wario: Make your own business!

Large Fry: Bake Sale!

Large Fry starts quickly making cookies and cupcakes.


Bowser puts on a suit and tie, and makes a building saying "Koopa Inc".

Shy Guy: Rap stardom!

Shy Guy is seen on Plit Idol. He goes to Hollywood and becomes Plit's Idol

Wario: Time! It's obvious Shy Guy gets the point.

Shy Guy: Yeah!

Wario: Next!

The 3 go into a taxi.

Wario: This taxi is about to explode! Make sure you don't injure yourself!

The taxi explodes; Large Fry hovers, Bowser and Shy Guy fall on their head.

Wario: Large Fry gets the point!

Large Fry: Hooray!

Wario: Almost done!

The 3 go to a courtroom.

Wario: Win the court case, unlike Bowser!

Bowser destroys the place.

Wario: Ok, there's no hope for you. You're FIRED, Bowser!


Wario: Shut up! You failed every challenge. JIMMY! Escort this man to the blimp!

Jimmy T. leads Bowser back to the blimp. Meanwhile, Shy Guy and Large Fry are still arguing on why they should win. Only they don't know why they’re on trial.

Judge: But you are a crime lord while the other is just a smelly chef. Shy Guy is guilty! Large Fry is not!

Large Fry: YES!

Wario: Congratulations, Large Fry, you've overcome the odds, and now you may rejoin the competition. I just sent for the others a while ago.

The 8 remaining contestants come in Wario's Office to find Large Fry.

Biff Atlas: Why's this stupid guy here?

Wario: I have unfired Large Fry. He's back in the game.

Goomba King: That's not fair.

Wario: No, this is unfair! I'm adding another person.

The doors to WarioWare fly open, revealing a silhouette.

Wario: He's my best friend, he's won more games than anyone else. And he's number 17 on the list of who I want on my show. Ladies and Gentlemen... YOSHI!

The figure moves forward to reveal himself to be Yoshi.

Yoshi: Yoshi say hi! Hi!

Birdo immediately hugs him.

Birdo: YOSHI! Ok, this game is good again.

Wario pulls Birdo off Yoshi.

Wario: Can we get back to the story here, people? The Roy Sports Hall/Glitz Pit Season 9 draft is today, and Roy promised to give me 100 coins for every man we get into Roy Sports Hall/ Your challenge is to go to the draft and interfere in the matches to help Roy win. Your job is to get 400 coins or more. If you do you win, if you don't you lose.

Snifit 3: Excuse me... um... What happens if we both have less than 400 coins or more than 400 coins?

Wario: Who said anything about both? I'm putting the teams together!

Everyone except Wario gasps.

Wario: Yes yes, it's shocking, but it was coming someday. Yoshi, Large Fry, and Birdo have immunity. I have a taxi ready outside. Mona and Jimmy are not needed for this episode, for I'll be watching the draft from my office. NOW GET OUT THERE AND MAKE ME MONEY!

Booster: Wait! Who's team leader?

Wario: Eeny meeny miney Geno. Choose the name then leave.

Geno: Fine, we're... Doll Co.

Wario: Good enough. Leave!

The 10 charge outside, Mona and Jimmy T go back to their workspace, and Wario turns on his television.

At the Draft:

Kamek: Hello and welcome to the Roy Sports Hall/Glitz Pit Draft, live from Diamond City! I'm Kamek, and here with me is the General Manager of the Glitz Pit, Jolene!

Jolene: It's great to be here. I've never really been a commentator for a match, only done the announcing.

Backstage with Doll Co:

Geno: Here's the plan, Yoshi and Large Fry will take the first match, me and Bandit will take the second match, Biff Atlas and Booster will take the third, Goomba King and Snifit 3 will take the fourth, and Birdo and Lakitu take the final match

Birdo: But I want to work with Yoshi.

Geno: You will in due time, but right now, you need to make sure Roy's people win.

Large Fry: Gotcha. Come on, Yoshi

Large Fry and Yoshi go out to ringside.

Kamek: We have had a lot of predictions that can happen, but let's begin the first match!

Announcer: The following match-up is scheduled for one fall! And the winner will get one draft! Making his way to the ring, representing the Gltiz Pit... King K!

The crowd boos as King K spins to the ring, then performs a triple flip.

Kamek: Such a fine athlete King K is. He's been in your business how many years?

Jolene: 28. It seems he always is changing paths, I mean, remember last year when he was transferred from your show to mine?

Kamek: Don't remind me.

Announcer: And his opponent! Representing Roy Sports Hall... Fawful!

The crowd boos even more... but Fawful is nowhere to be seen. Suddenly Large Fry remembers something; he floats over to the referee and whispers something to him. The referee gets into the ring.

Referee: Fawful has been injured before the fight! Therefore, King K wins by default!

The crowd boos, Wario does a spit take with his soda in his office and King K. celebrates.

Kamek: That certainly was surprising, Fawful is never injured.

Jolene: Yes, but now let's see. who joins the Glitz Pit.

Suddenly Bowser's face appears onscreen.


Jolene: After seeing what he could do to other people like the Glitz Pit champion Rawk Hawk, who knows what he can do?

With Wario:

Wario: I knew I should've just kept Shy Guy, he wouldn't have made such a rookie mistake!

With Doll Co:

Large and Yoshi come in to see a very angry Doll Co.

Geno: You just HAD to tell the ref that Fawful was injured.

Birdo: God you're an idiot.

Biff Atlas: Why is he here again?

Yoshi: Yoshi hate Large Fry!

Large Fry: Listen guys, I'm sorry, I thought it was the right thing to do.

Booster: The right thing to do was to fight for Fawful and not lose one of Roy's best men.

Snifit 3: Um... What he said!

Large Fry: I have immunity, I'll do better next time.

Geno: Let me show you how it's done. Come on, Bandit.

Geno walks to ringside with Bandit following.

Announcer: The following contest is scheduled for one fall! And the winner gets one draft pick! Making his way to the ring representing the Glitz Pit... The Koopainator!

The crowds once again boos as the Koopainator walks into the ring.

Kamek: The Koopainator nearly took the Glitz Pit championship from Rawk Hawk, and nearly defeated Bamma in a Lion Cage match. But this guy is getting a serious dose of bad luck.

Jolene: He still has potential, he can still win against his opponent.

Kamek: Let's see.

Announcer: And his opponent! Representing Roy Sport Hall... King Boo!

The crowd cheers as King Boo makes his way to the ring.

Kamek: This guy has had a lot of history since he's joined four years ago and has made it to round three for the second time in his career! King Boo will obviously win this bout!


Kamek: So undead wrestlers from both brands are fighting. This should be interesting.

Jolene: Koopinator starts off with a spin, he misses King Boo and topples outside.

Geno: Now I have you.

Kamek: How horrific! King Boo has licked the referee, Bandit seems to be stealing the Koopainator's helmet, and-


Kamek: OOH! Geno has just used the Geno Whirl on Koopainator's exposed head. The Koopainator is down.

The referee gets up while King Boo pulls Koopainator into the ring to pin him.

1... 2... 3!


Jolene: Phooey!

Bandit and Geno high-five each other and walk backstage.

Geno: That's how it's done.

Large Fry: Grrrr.

Kamek: Let's see who the Sports Hall gets.

Flower Fuzzy appears onscreen.

Kamek: We get... Flower Fuzzy?

Jolene: She's been in my business 15 years, you can have her, I'm still happy we have Bowser.

Geno: Ok, next match is coming up soon, look alive boys.

Biff Atlas: This will be a piece of cake!

Booster: Let's do this!

Biff Atlas and Booster go to ringside.

Announcer: The following match-up is scheduled for one fall! And the winner will get one draft pick! Making his way to the ring representing the Gltiz Pit... Macho Grubba!

The crowd boos as the giant moves onstage.

Kamek: So powerful, so great... but he stinksas a fighter.

Jolene: I can't believe I used to be employed by this guy.

Biff Atlas floats under the ring.

Biff Atlas: Hehehe.

Announcer: And his opponent! Representing Roy Sports Hall... Wind Crystal.

The crowd is silent as Wind Crystal hovers.


Biff Atlas invades Macho Grubba's body.

Macho Grubba: What the? ... ATOMIC PILEDRIVER!

Kamek: What's Macho doing?

Jolene: What do you think? He's going to do the Atomic Piledriver... while grabbing his throat.


Kamek: Unbelievable! Macho Grubba just used the Atomic Piledriver on himself! Wind Crystal is slowly moving to the body, and drops.

1... 2... 3!

Kamek: Another amazing win for Wind Crystal! And another win for the Sports Hall!

Jolene: ... I... I don't believe it... The free agent king of the Glitz Pit but fool of Roy has lost... again!

Biff Atlas comes out from Macho's body and goes backstage with Booster, where they start giving high-fives.

Kamek: Let's see who we got!

The Koopinator's face appears onscreen.

Kamek: OH MY GOD! The Koopinator has been sent to the Sports Hall... again!

Jolene: We still have Bowser to replace him.

Geno: We're so close to that win, we can taste it! Let's go, Snifit 3 and Goomba King!

Snifit 3 rides Goomba King to ringside.

Announcer: The following match-up is scheduled for one fall! And the winner gets one draft pick! Making his way to the ring representing the Glitz Pit... Bandy Andy!

The crowds boos while Bandy gets into the ring.

Kamek: Oh god, I don't want this guy in the Sports Hall, you know he stole my wallet once.

Jolene: Bandy Andy is a fine fighter, and will win this match. Let me tell you, I mean, his opponent is going to be a fail character, I bet.

Announcer: And his opponent! Representing Roy Sports Hall... Goomba!

Jolene is howling with laughter while Kamek has his jaw drop. Goomba gets into the ring, then immediately gets pinned by Bandit.

1... 2... 3!

Kamek: ...

Jolene: Let's see who we get.

King Boo's face appears onscreen. Jolene keeps laughing, Kamek facepalms, and Goomba King with Snifit 3 walk backstage to another angry Doll Co.

Geno: Great! Just great! You were almost as bad as Large Fry!

Goomba King: What was I supposed to do? I'm a Glitz Pit fan, I'm not going to turn on my own team.

Snifit 3: And... um... I was riding his hat.

Biff Atlas: That's not an excuse, I'm a Glitz Pit fan myself and I made the former General Manager piledrive himself!

Goomba King: Okay, I'm sorry.

Geno: Sorry isn't going to cut it. The final match is going to have three draft picks, so we're going to lose if Birdo and Lakitu screw this up... You won't, right?

Lakitu: We won't.

Geno: How about you, Birdo? ... Birdo?

Birdo is seen talking to Yoshi, away from the others.

Geno: BIRDO!

Birdo: Coming! See you later, Happy Nose.

Yoshi blushes.

Birdo: Let's go, Lakitu.

Lakitu flies above the ring. Birdo gets on the announcer’s table and scares Kamek and Jolene. away.

Announcer: This is the main event here tonight! A 10-man over the top rope match! Five from one brand, five from another! The last team in the ring is the winner and gets three draft picks! Making their way to the ring, representing the Glitz Pit... O'Chunks, Pokey 3, Craw Daddy, Flare, and Pider!

The team walks into the ring. Lakitu cuts Pider from his web, and Birdo knocks out Pokey 3 with an egg, taking him out of the battle. Suddenly a team of 4 wearing pink come in.

Announcer: And their opponents! Representing Roy Sports Hall... the Roy's Fighting Sock winner Mr. L, Grodus, Anti Guy, and the Fawful Express' engineer.

Birdo: Wait, I only count four, who's the last guy?

Announcer: My mistake, I forgot the "Forgotten king of money"... WARIO!

Doll Co: WHAT?!

Wario comes out and makes dollar sign fireworks, then charges into the ring.


8 people are fighting, but Wario decides to lounge around.

O’Chunks: Listen to me, laddie! You don't want to mess with me!

O'Chunks is holding Mr. L over the ropes and drops him, but Lakitu drops a Spiny on O’Chunks and Birdo sends him over the rope with an egg.

Grodus: This is too easy.

Grodus throws Craw Daddy over the rope with ease.

Anti Guy: Agreed

Anti Guy throws Flare over the rope, but Pider knocks the engineer out.


Wario uses Wario Time to turn into Warioman, then kicks Pider out of the ring.


Announcer: Here are your winners! Grodus, Anti Guy, and Wario!

Grodus, Anti Guy and Wario pose.

Announcer: The results of the over the top rope match are...

Flare's, Craw Daddy's, and Bamma's faces appear onscreen.

Announcer: Flare, Craw Daddy, and Bamma have been transferred to Roy Sports Hall!

Doll Co. comes out and starts celebrating with the rest of Roy Sports Hall.

Booster: HOORAH!

RSH: ...

Booster: HOORAH!

RSH: Who are you?!

Wario: Oh ignore him, he's just a bit... tired. That's it, tired.

Wario leads Doll Co. to his private limo.

Wario: Consider this your reward for winning the challenge.

Lakitu: You were absolutely amazing, Wario!

Wario: Thank you, they don't call me the "King of Money" for nothing.

Biff Atlas: You never told us you wrestled.

Wario: Don't you ever watch Roy Sports Hall?

Geno: I do.

Wario: That's nice, but anyway, it's time for business.

The limo stops in front of WarioWare. Wario and Doll Co. get out and ride an elevator to Wario's Office, where they find Roy and Jimmy T.

Roy: Here you go, Wario, 500 coins. Just like I promised.

Wario: Thank you, now please take your seat.

Roy sits in Mona's chair.

Wario: Lady and Gentlemen, I have some news. I have fired Mona from WarioWare.

Everyone except Wario gasps.

Wario: She had a broken leg and it never got fixed, so she was little to no help to me. So I gave her the pink slip. Now let's see which of you will be fired. Geno was your team leader, and he did very well.

Geno: Thank you, Wario.

Wario: I think it's safe to say that you will get immunity next episode.

Snifit 3: Um... excuse me?

Wario glares at Snifit 3.

Wario: What do you want for speaking out of turn?!

Snifit 3: Well, it's just that... um... isn't today the last day anyone has immunity?

Wario: WRONG AGAIN! I will give immunity to any team leaders who win the challenge and survive the episode. I find Geno's chances of surviving this episode are very high. It's just a prediction.

Snifit 3: Oh...

Wario: Large Fry, I absolutely hate you.

Roy: SO DO I!

Wario: And do you know why?

Large Fry: Wh-why?

Wario: Because-


Roy's voice is so intimidating it makes Large Fry cry.

Wario: Look at this imbecile; if it weren't for his immunity, I'd fire him on the spot!

Large Fry: *sniff, sniff*

Wario: Let's let this baby cry. Yoshi, why didn't you stop Large Fry?

Yoshi: Yoshi had no idea what was going on.

Wario: ... Is that the truth?

Yoshi: Nothing but it.

Wario: Then that's stupid!

Yoshi: What?!

Wario: You need to keep your eyes on the assignment at all times!

Yoshi: Yoshi sorry, Wario.

Wario: At this point in the game, sorry won't cut it! You're lucky you have immunity!

Yoshi starts shivering.

Wario: Birdo, you managed to help get rid of two guys, thank you.

Birdo: You're welcome, Wario.

Wario: Lakitu, you screwed up!

Lakitu: What did I do?

Wario: You caused the elimination of the engineer guy!

Lakitu: I thought it would help if Pider wasn't on a web.

Wario: Well you were wrong!

Lakitu: I understand.

Wario: *sigh* GOOMBA KING!


Wario: And why did you not help the Goomba? I mean, you're the king of them!

Goomba King: I remain loyal to my favorite brand, Glitz Pit.

Wario: Listen, this isn't the Brady Bunch. You can't do things out of the goodness of your heart. You’ve got to do things that are best for you and you only.

Goomba King: Got it!

Wario: I don't know if you do. Biff Atlas, Booster, good job on your match.

Biff Atlas and Booster: Thank you, Wario.

Wario: And Bandit, who still was able to help out.

Bandit: I do what I can, and Geno capitalizes.

Wario: Well Large Fry, who would you fire?

Large Fry: Goomba King

Wario: Yoshi?

Yoshi: YOS- Yoshi mean Goomba King

Wario: Goomba King?

Goomba King: Snifit 3, for not doing anything!

Wario asks everyone else and they all say Goomba King.

Wario: All right Geno, send two people that aren't Yoshi, Large Fry, or Birdo up to have a private meeting with me.

Geno: Goomba King and Snifit 3.

Wario: Ok, the rest of you are safe.

Large Fry, Yoshi, Bandit, Biff Atlas, Booster, Lakitu, and Birdo hop into a pipe.

Wario: I want to have a little talk with you three.

Wario leads the three outcasts to top floor. As he does so, Roy keeps yelling "FIRE GOOMBA KING! FIRE GOOMBA KING!”

Wario: Now that we're... sort of alone…

Roy's voice in the distance: FIRE GOOMBA KING!

Wario: Geno, why shouldn't I fire you?

Geno: Because I won us the challenge and showed off my power, and this is a great time for me, I'm just here because I'm forced to be up here.

Wario: Very good points; Goomba King?

Roy's voice in the distance: FIRE GOOMBA-

Wario: SHUT UP!

Roy silences himself.

Wario: Why shouldn't I fire you?

Goomba King: Because I've had inventions to help me win.

Wario: Last I checked, every one of your inventions made you lose.

Goomba King: However, my advertising campaign is very good and it's better than some stupid match.

Wario: Ok. And Snifit 3?

Snifit 3: Um... um...

1 hour later…

Snifit 3: -um... Every one of my ideas has given us wins.

Goomba King: Except your Santa idea.

Snifit 3: That was after my episode of advertising... umm... in fact... um... You didn't do anything with that.

Wario: That's right. It's totally obvious.

Goomba King: I think I know what's coming

Wario: Goomba King, you're FIRED!

Roy's voice in the distance: YAY!

Snifit 3 and Geno leave while Goomba King just stands there, stunned.


Goomba King walks up the stairs, onto the roof, and into the Cheep Cheep Blimp.

Goomba King: I had a run of bad luck, I should've said something better, I just... don't think this job is meant for me anymore.

Wario’s face appears onscreen.

Wario: No, I am not being drafted to the Glitz Pit, and no, I'm not going to hurt the narrator. I'm here to tell you that in Lemmy's Polls there will be a poll asking who should be fired. The poll will remain up for a week. When a winner has been found, the author who I'm not supposed to talk about will try his very best to get that man/Birdo fired for that episode. Sometimes it just won't be possible, but a good chunk of the time it will be. So this is the Great Wario signing off... oh, and vote for me to be the finals of Season 8 of Roy Sports Hall.

Read on!

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