Wario's Apprentice

By Badyoyo

Narrator: He's a born leader, who owns millions of coins, and a business that offers million-dollar salaries.

Wario is sitting in a lounge chair in his office playing his microgames.

Narrator: He's a master at conning, and he's cunning at blasting big bucks into his business-

Wario shoves a gold machine into WarioWare's front door.

Narrator: -and small chumps out.

Wario kicks a Goomba who looks like Oliver Twist out of his building.

Narrator: He's Wario, and he's looking for an apprentice.

Wario: Ok, I'm bored with you! GET OUT!

Narrator: No! Please!

Wario throws the narrator out a window.

Wario: Anyway, hello world! Welcome to my next great moment in my life. I realized that this world is losing it's money FAST! And I'm worried I'll lose my money as well.

Wario sniffles a little.

Wario: Anyway! So I made an application for my apprentice, a right-hand man, a henchman to rough a few goons or to figure out what stocks are worth these days.

Wario picks his nose, then flings the booger at 9-Volt.


Wario: So after a month of choosing, I chose the 16 best people for the job, but only 1 will get it, 15 others will regret being on this show.

A Cheep Cheep blimp appears above WarioWare.

Wario: Ah, the 16 are arriving now. Let's see who gets in.... Well I know who's in, but you don't. Anyway, let's meet them.

Bandit, Hotel Owner: I will do anything to win. I will make fake alliances, I will cheat secretly if I have to, nothing is going to stop me.

Biff Atlas, Gym Owner: I'm strong, and I have brains. Ever since I was beaten in Luigi's Mansion, I’ve made gyms for Boos and other ghosts, without punching bags of course. I can do whatever I want, my enemies fear me!

Birdo, Egg Seller: I always make a sale with my eggs. If they want some I give it to them in lovely pink dozen egg cartons. If not, I beat the snot out of them!

Booster, Architect: Ever since I made Booster Tower and saw that millions loved it, I’ve built very fun amusement parks, and now everyone enjoys them. I'm sure my adoring fans will want me to stay.

Bowser, King: I AM AWESOME!

Bully, Plantation Owner: People make think I'm an idiot for making an entire land five feet above lava, but they're WRONG! I now own all the volcanoes around the world and no one can stop me with my giant plan of DOOM!

Cackletta, Retired Villain: *Cough COUGH* I may be *Wheeze* 85 but *chokes up phlegm* I'm able to move on.

Fawful, Game Company President: I invented the Virtual Boy! I am the master!

Geno, Doll Maker: After being loved so much in Super Mario RPG, I decided to make a whole lot of dolls that look like me, I now make hundreds of coins. I'm sure I can use these skills to win that spot in Wario's office.

Goomba King, Factory Owner: After being defeated THREE TIMES I now make cool gizmos and gadgets for Red and Blue Goomba, who sell them illegally to other Goombas. These gadgets help me and will stop my opponents in their tracks.

Lakitu, Grave Digger: Seems strange for an occupation, isn't it? It is, But I’ve become strong and I have a better idea on death, in fact I'm 10 percent done making my monster that will be REANIMATED! MUHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHA! But I'm brains and brawn.

Large Fry, Head Chef at 5-star restaurant: Ever since Wario beat me, I now cook for only the finest  people. I worked my way up to the top, and I'm willing to do it again.

Lemmy, Website Owner: Do I need to say anything?

Shy Guy, Leader of Gangs around the world: They're going to be sorry for messing with me! They won't see me coming! I'm going to show them the mysteriousness of... The SHY GUY!

Snifit 3, Director of Big Bang Theory: Ummmm, I say cut... And... um, I have a new show every week.

Waluigi, Oil Industry President: Waluigi's Motor Oil Number 1! Waluigi bro of Wario! Wario help Waluigi win!

The sixteen come out of the blimp and go down the stairs. Booster falls down the stairs and lands on everybody, and they topple into Wario's office.

Wario: *facepalm* Maybe this was a bad idea, but I can't do anything now. Just take a seat.

Everyone takes a seat.

Wario: Now I'm sure I know why you're all here.

Everyone nods.

Wario: I'm just going to make this short and simple. Every few days I give you a challenge on something that all your careers will help you in. You do better than the other team and your team leader gets immunity next time I have a meeting and gets a prize. You fail the challenge, I see you in a meeting, then the leader chooses 2 people to speak with me privately on the top floor, where I will fire one of you, then you'll get in that blimp and leave.

Everyone yawns.

Wario: You do NOT yawn when I'm speaking! I have a very good memory, if you do something stupid, I’ll remember it in the future. Are we clear?

Everyone nods.

Wario: Good, now, time to make the teams. I have decided on two team leaders already, these guys are the ones who tell you what to do. If they lose a challenge they are automatically sent to a private talk with me along with two other people, but if they win, they get immunity.

Biff Atlas: Just tell us who they are!

Wario: Be quiet! Now I want Booster and Large Fry to step forward.

They do.

Wario: Now I want you to choose your teammates school-yard style. You two must pick one of the only two girls and then choose the guys. Booster, you choose first.

Booster: I choose Birdo

Large Fry: I guess I get Cackletta.

Booster: Now I choose... Goomba King!

Large Fry: ... Biff Atlas!

Booster: Waluigi

Large Fry: Bowser.

Booster: Lemmy.

Large Fry: Shoot, I should've chosen him! Well I take Fawful then.

Booster: Dang it! I take Lakitu.

Large Fry: Snifit 3.

Booster: Bully.

Large Fry: Bandit

Booster: Geno

Large Fry: Shy Guy.

Wario: Ok, here are the teams.

Booster Large Fry
Birdo  Cackletta
Goomba King Biff Atlas
Waluigi Bowser
Lemmy Fawful
Lakitu  Snifit 3
Bully  Bandit
Geno  Shy Guy

Wario: Ok, time to tell you where you'll be staying for the next few weeks.

Wario points to an apartment building.

Wario: That's where you'll be staying, each team gets a different bedroom. Now leave.

The 2 teams leave and head to the apartment building

Goomba King: How are the 16 of us going to fit into that 1 apartment?

Cackletta: Did *HACK* I *faints from lack of oxygen*

Bully: One less mouth to feed, I guess.

Geno: Let's get ready, I guess.

Booster's team:

Booster: We need a team name. Any suggestions?

Goomba King: How about SQUASH?

Waluigi: Waluigi like that!

Lemmy: So do I.

Lakitu: Squash it is.

Booster: Fine... At least I won't be blamed for all this.

Large Fry's team:

Large Fry: All right, what will our team name be?


Fawful: That is horribleness of names.

Snifit 3: Ummm, how about YARLST?

Bandit: Ok, that makes no sense.

Shy Guy: I'll pass.

Biff Atlas: SILVER!!! That's a good name isn't it?

Large Fry: *sigh* Fine, we'll go with Silver.

The next day....

The phone rings. Everyone charges to answer it and Waluigi reaches it first since he's so thin.

Waluigi: Hello?

Wario: Listen, I want you guys to get on a boat to Rogueport in one minute. The boat is at the port.

Waluigi: Why one minute? Do you think you could give us more time?

Wario: 48 seconds.


Everyone starts charging to the port. Thankfully the port is only a  block away. Then they jump onto the boat right before it takes off.

Lemmy: That was annoying.

Lakitu: Why did Wario want us to get here so early?

Bully: I don't know.

Geno: I feel like we're missing something.

Back at the apartment…

Cackletta: ZZZZZZ…

On the boat…

Goomba King: It's not like it's that important.

Bandit: I guess not.

The boat leads the 15 people to Rogueport. Wario is standing at the end of a dock.

Wario: Good morning.

Everyone: Good morning, Wario. (mumbling) Did you have to wake us at 7:00?

Wario: I see someone isn't here?

Everyone looks around, noticing Cackletta isn't with them.

Wario: Yes, a warp pipe has sent her to your destination. Anyway, I'm sure you’re wondering what your task is, aren’t you?

Everyone nods.

Wario: Anyway, you know you're in Rogueport, lots of events happened here, blah blah blah. Your job is to sell Cheep Cheep blood.

Bowser: WHAT?!

Wario: Yeah, you're selling this Cheep Cheep blood in blank cans. Anyway, let me introduce who will be watching you.

Jimmy T and Mona walk up.

Wario: Jimmy, you'll be watching Silver; and Mona, you'll be watching Squash. You have until 5:00 PM to make the most money... By the way, I want to do one last thing to make this interesting. Booster and Large Fry, switch places.

They do.

Wario: You're now team captains of the opposite teams. Silver goes underground, Squash stays above ground. Here are your warp pipes.

The teams go into the pipes.


Cackletta: Hey *cough* guys.

Booster: Ok, we need a name to disguise this thing.


Shy guy: That's a stupid name!

Bandit: How about GRQC?

Fawful: What do those letters meanness?

Bandit: Get Rich Quick Club.

Booster: NO! We're going to call it Silver Soda, and that's final.

Biff Atlas: Fine. Now how do we sell it?

Fawful: I have a plan of cunningness.

Cackletta: Let's *hack* hear *pant* it.


Large Fry: All right, first, what do we call this stuff?

Waluigi: Cheep Cheep blood!

Lakitu slaps Waluigi.

Lakitu: He means, what do we call it to disguise it?

Geno: If I could cut in, why don't we call it Squash Juice?

Goomba King: How will that attract customers?

Bully: I have it!

Lemmy: So do I!

Bully: You first.

Lemmy: No you.

Bully: But you're better.

Lemmy: But you-


Bully: Popeye's Tasty Spinach Lemonade.

Lemmy: Lemmy's Luxury Lounge Juice!

Lakitu: I like Lemmy's more.

Waluigi: So does Waluigi!

Lemmy: My name it is!


Fawful: You guys readiness?

Biff Atlas: We know, all we need is someone to lure them, then I can show off my moves while drinking this garbage.

Bowser: I WILL!

Bandit: NO! I will. Fawful will come with me though, the rest of you will stay here and do nothing.

Booster: No problem!

Fawful and Bandit run into the underground city. They then see a Goomba.

Fawful: Remember, always target the weakness and make your way to the top.

Bandit: I have no idea what you just said.

Bandit walks over to General White.

Bandit: Hey pal! You want to become strong?

General White: No.

Bandit: Good... Wait... What?!

General White leaves while Bandit is stunned.

Fawful: Hello, Goomba of weakness.


The Goomba headbonks Fawful in the jaw.

Fawful: WOAH!

Goomba: Never call me weak!

Jimmy T: *face palm* This team isn't going to win this challenge, that's for sure.


Large Fry: Ok, now that we have set up shop, let's assign roles.

Waluigi: Can't we just go off and do whatever we want?

Large Fry: No.

Waluigi: Let's hear the roles.

Large Fry: Thank you. Me, Lemmy, and Lakitu will stay here and try to change the taste- it doesn't taste that good- while everyone else shall try to lure the people here.

Geno: GOT IT!

Mona: This team is really doing quite well, they're choosing the right people for certain things. They might do well.

Lemmy: Ok, first we have to refresh the taste with ice.

He drops ice in.

Lakitu: We also have to stir it up a little with some good treats like chocolate.

He drops chocolate in, then takes out a blender and starts to stir.

Large Fry: Oh yes, we need a bowling ball!

He drops a bowling ball in, breaking the pitcher.

Lemmy: A bowling ball?

Large Fry: You know, since you love those things.

Lemmy: You don't know much about me, do you?

Large Fry: Not a thing.

Lakitu: We just lost a third of our stock.

Large Fry: But I'm sure the others will bring in customers.

Birdo: Ok, Goomba King and Geno will take the town square, Waluigi and Bully will take the west side of town, and I'll take the east side. Ok?

Goomba King: Fine with me.

Waluigi: Let's get going!

With Geno and Goomba King…

Goomba King: My fellow Goombas! I have found the world's most perfect drink! It's called Lemmy's Luxury Lounge Juice! Follow me if you want some!

King Goomba runs to the shop with 2 Goombas behind him.

Geno: I guess I’d better get working.

Geno walks up to Beldam.

Geno: Excuse me, but-

Beldam: You're excused.

Geno: ... Do you want a drink or not?

Beldam: Well I am terribly thirsty so I guess I'll have a go. In fact, I'm bringing my sisters.

Geno: Sure thing, follow me. (mumbling) This is too easy.

With Waluigi and Bully…

Waluigi: Waluigi is going to go through this narrow alley while you take down that guard!

Bully: Charge!

Gus: AHH!

Bully runs Gus over.

Bobbery: Good day, chap, I see you're in a rush.

Bully: No, I just want to sell you guys some juice.

Bobbery: Sorry, old chap, but I only drink Chuckola Cola.

Bully: Why are you talking like Kolorado?

Bobbery: I don't really know.

????: AHHHH!

Bully: I see Waluigi got frightened by the rats.

With Birdo…

Birdo: I think I'll hit that casino.

Birdo heads to the casino and tries to look cute.

Birdo: Hey boys* wink* want to buy some Lemmy's Luxury Lounge Juice?

Piantas: Dose wes?!

The Piantas follow Birdo to the shop.


Booster: Bandit and Fawful still haven't come back yet, and we already have been in business for half of the time.

Biff Atlas: I say we make this thing mobile and sell it more.

Booster: Fine, anyone have any ideas?


Snifit 3: Ummm, we have Biff Atlas carry it to the center of town.

Biff Atlas: I can do that.

Biff Atlas carries the cart to the center of the underground city.

Biff Atlas: Now, let me show you how to advertise. DO YOU WANT TO BE TOUGH LIKE ME?! THEN DRINK SILVER SODA!

A whole bunch of people pop out of nowhere and start buying soda.

Bandit: Hi guys, I see we did a lot of business.

Fawful: My idea was the bestness!

Shy Guy: It wasn't YOUR idea, idiot.

Fawful: Yes it was!

Shy Guy: No it wasn't, you little Glass Joe!

Fawful: That is itness!

Fawful and Shy Guy start wrestling, distracting the crowd.

Booster: Thank goodness they started fighting.

Cackletta: How *cough* is that * gag* good?

Booster: We almost ran out of Juice.


Lakitu: Ok, we managed to sell our juice to the Siren Sisters, 2 Goombas, and 2 Piantas.

Lemmy: We win!

Waluigi: Actually we did terrible.

Bully: Do you expect that team to sell more than us?

Goomba King: Do you know that every time someone has said that in the other two stories, the other team does loads better?!

Birdo: I'm sure we did well anyway.

Mona pops out of nowhere.

Mona: It's time to go, everyone.

Geno: I can't wait to see the looks on their faces when we beat them.

They jump in a warp pipe

Wario's Office

Wario sits down in his chair, along with Jimmy T and Mona. The 16 others sit in their chairs as well.

Wario: Well, for the last 8 hours I gave you guys Cheep Cheep blood and you guys tried to sell it. So Squash, Booster was your team leader, did he do well?

Biff Atlas: He definitely did.

Bowser: YEAH!

Wario: And Silver, Large Fry was your leader, how well did he do?

Lemmy: Not too good, really.

Lakitu: He was terrible!

Waluigi: Waluigi thought he did quite well!

Goomba King: So did I.

Birdo: Same here.

Wario: I see you have mixed opinions on him. Anyway, Mona, how much did Squash make?

Mona: Well, they broke one third of their stock, and managed to sell 7 cans, selling at 5 coins a can. That's 35 coins-

Waluigi: WAIT!

Wario: What could you possibly want?

Waluigi: Wauligi forgot to give you this!

Waluigi hands Mona 30 coins.

Waluigi: Waluigi sold a 6-pack to a hobo Goomba in the alley!

Wario: Well done.

Mona: That makes it 13 cans and a total of 65 coins.

Wario: Jimmy, how much did Silver make?

Jimmy T: Well they sold 297 cans, and were on the verge of selling the rest until Shy Guy and Fawful started fighting.

Wario: How much did they make?

Jimmy T: At 10 coins a can, they come up with a whopping total of 2,970 coins.

Wario: WOW! That's much better than I expected of you guys. Congrats, you win! You now can enjoy your reward of this drink.

Wario hands each of them a green and blue drink.

Bandit: *sip* Hmmm, tasty.


Wario: It should, because it's TurkeyJerk blood.

The Silver team gets green faces.

Wario: Bathrooms are down the hall to the left and right.

They start rushing to the bathrooms, then rush in, and then switch because each one took the wrong bathroom.

Wario: Well Squash, I want to have a meeting with you, then the leader will choose two people for a private talk on the top floor. So Large Fry, where do you think you guys went wrong?

Large Fry: I guess it was because we couldn't get enough customers.

Lakitu: How about you ruining the Juice?

Large Fry: Maybe, but why add chocolate?

Lemmy: I say you two BOTH RUINED IT!

Wario: How?

Lemmy: Well you see, Lakitu added chocolate while Large Fry added a bowling ball.

Wario: You guys do know that adding chocolate to something like that is stupid?

Lakitu: Well... now.

Wario: Of course. Anyway, Goomba King, you're the king of Goombas! Why didn't you attract more to the stand?

Goomba King: A lot of Goombas don't live in Rogueport anymore.

Wario: True. Geno, you ultimately did the best by getting 3 people to follow you, while people like Birdo and  Goomba King only brought two.

Geno: You're right.

Wario: Waluigi, you made the most money by giving that guy the 6-pack.

Waluigi: Correct.

Wario: And Bully, you did nothing but knock down Gus.

Bully: Sadly, yes.

Wario: I'm starting to draw a picture on who I want gone, but Birdo, who would you fire?

Birdo: Bully, he did nothing to contribute.

Wario: Goomba King?

Goomba King: Bully for Birdo's reasons.

Wario: Bro?

Waluigi: Bully definitely.

Wario: Lemmy?

Lemmy: I would say Large Fry, he says he's a good cook, but he stunk at this task.

Wario: Lakitu?

Lakitu: Large Fry for Lemmy's Reasons.

Wario: Bully?

Bully: Large Fry, he doesn't fit the team.

Wario: And Geno?

Geno: It's obvious that it should be Lakitu because he put CHOCOLATE IN A DRINK!

Wario: Ok, Large Fry, who do you want to send to privately talk with me?

Large Fry: Lakitu and Bully.

Wario: Ok, the rest of you are safe, for now.

Birdo, Goomba King, Waluigi, Lemmy, and Geno hop into a warp pipe.

Wario: I want to have a little talk with you three.

Wario leads the 3 failures to the top floor, which is a blank room with a staircase and 3 windows

Wario: Ok, now that we're alone... Large Fry, why shouldn't I fire you?

Large Fry: Because I didn't foul up the juice with chocolate.

Wario: So you added a bowling ball.

Large Fry: I guess.

Wario: Lakitu, why shouldn't I fire you?

Lakitu: I won’t put a bowling ball in the pitcher when I'm a head chef!

Wario: And Bully?

Bully: You need some strong stuff, and did you see how well I did when I knocked down Gus?

Wario: Hmmmm. Bully, you probably have the worst reason in the world why you shouldn't get fired, and that is why I'm going to keep you.

Bully: What?

Wario: You're right. I do need power, you seem like a kind of guy who could bring it. I'm not sure if you're going to make it, but you're safe, for now.

Wario turns to the other two.

Wario: However, both of you spoiled a perfectly good can of Cheep Cheep blood, but one of you is a head chef who also is more idiotic than the other. So Large Fry, you're FIRED!

Bully and Lakitu leave while Large Fry just floats there, stunned.


Large Fry goes up to the roof and boards the Cheep Cheep blimp, which throws him out into a garbage truck since he tried to sell Cheep Cheeps.

Narrator: One job, now 15 people working for it. Wario's search for an apprentice, has begun.

Wario: I thought I got rid of you!

Wario throws the narrator out another window.

Read on!

Comments, suggestions, stories, or story ideas? Email me!
Go back to Lemmy's Fun Fiction.
Go back to my main page.