Bowser: You would have thought by now the Shadow Queen would have taken over the world! I MEAN SHE’S HAD A YEAR OR MORE TO DO SO! Red Koopa’s been lazy anyway!
Red Koopa: Shut up! I know I need to finish this, so here I am.
Luigi: Where were we anyway? It’s been so long I forgot where we were.
Red Koopa: Shut up and let’s start the
Luigi (continued from last time): What do you mean Mario was possessed?! What does he look like?
Peach: A Mario version of Mr. L.
Bowser: NO! He looks like Shadow Mario! Red Koopa obviously has never heard of Super Mario Sunshine so he used the Mr. M thing.
Lord Crump: What’s a Mr. L?
Bowser: Well, it’s a ripoff of… something!
Luigi: I somehow feel like I know this person!
Peach: Anyway, off topic! The deal is Mario has been possessed and we need to restore him and beat the Shadow Queen.
Luigi: How do we do that?
Lord Crump: With love and the Crystal Stars, right?
Peach: How do I know? I was possessed when she was beaten the first time!
Bowser: I was leaving with Kammy!
Lord Crump: And I was supposed to be dead. But that’s what Beldam told me.
Peach: We should plan at my castle! Let’s go!
Beldam: Freak sheet, go with the shadow!
Doopliss: Which shadow? The evil queen who wants to takeover the world, or her new servant?
Beldam slaps her face.
Beldam: With her new servant! Where are the fugitives escaping to?
Mr. M: To Mushroom City most likely.
Shadow Queen: Mr. M and Doopliss in one group, Beldam and Marilyn in another, and Dimentio by himself. Bleck and I will stay here. Return all of the escaped prisoners to me!
Beldam: Come! Marilyn! We have work to do!
Marilyn: Guh! (I call spying!)
Mr. M: Don’t screw this up!
Doopliss: I call sofa when we get back!
Several hours later…
Bowser: I need the bathroom!
Peach: Can you hold it?
Bowser: Can I go?
Bowser: Pretty please?
Bowser: I have to go really bad!
Peach: Well too bad! We need to talk about this!
Bowser: About me needing the bathroom?
Peach slaps herself in the face.
Luigi: Mario hates Poison Mushrooms! I know everything he likes and hates!
Peach: Crump! Do you know anything Mario hates?
Crump: He hates me trying to blow trees up, and robots.
Peach: Why does Mario hate robots?
Crump: Because I drove him insane with Magnus Von Grapple 2.0.
Peach: Can you make a Magnus Von Grapple 3.0?
Crump: I lost the design years ago.
Peach: That’s unfortunate!
Bowser runs to the bathroom. Second later he walks out relieved.
Bowser: I didn’t miss anything!
Peach: I would have killed you if you went on my floor.
Bowser: Then why did you make me hold it? That makes no sense!
Peach: Your face doesn’t make any sense!
Luigi: Oh ho! Burned!
Bowser: Stop saying that, bossy pants!
Peach: How am I bossy?
Bowser: You’re a princess!
Peach: You’re a king!
Crump: How about you two shut up!
Bowser: Yeah! He told you to shut up!
Peach: I’m going to punch you now!
Luigi: Stop fighting!
Luigi walks over and pushes Bowser and Peach away from each other.
Luigi: We need to stop arguing!
Voice: It’s too late for that!
Beldam and Marilyn appear from the shadows
Beldam: Marilyn overheard your whole conversation.
Marilyn: Guh! (It was the stupid king and the princess arguing, man that turtle needs to get a life).
Bowser has a confused look on his face.
Bowser: Did someone besides Peach insult me?
Marilyn: Guh, Guh! (Uh, no!)
Peach: Wait! You should have one more person in your group!
Beldam: Freak Sheet, or that slob Vivan? Freak sheet’s with your possessed buddy.
Bowser: Who’s Vivian? Who’s freak sheet!
Peach: Just ignore that idiot!
Beldam: And fat man! Why don’t you join the winning team? Mistress will let you back!
Crump: You calling me fat?
Luigi: Uh oh!
Crump: Bad choice!
We see a zoomed in shot of Crump’s face.
Wario: What a great day to steal money!
Peach’s castle explodes and a boulder lands on Wario.
Wario: DOH I MISSED!
We see Peach’s castle in ruins. Bowser’s head rises out of the rubble.
Bowser: Mommy, can I have a cookie?
Bowser falls unconscious. Beldam and Marilyn rise out of the rubble. Beldam has scratches while Marilyn has a black eye.
Beldam: Maybe I shouldn’t have called him fat…
Marilyn: GUH! (REALLY!)
Luigi rises out of the rubble as does Crump.
Luigi: We almost died, Crump! Don’t do that again!
Crump: She called me fat!
Luigi: But you are faa- um, I mean, big-boned! Just like Wario over there!
Wario is lying on the ground several yards away.
Luigi: Bowser’s right there! Wait! Where’s Peach?
Crump: I thought she was with Bowser!
Luigi: Oh no!
Doopliss: Ha ha!
Doopliss is holding Peach. Mr. M walks up to him.
Mr. M: Good job! You did 300% better than I thought you would!
Doopliss hands Peach to Mr. M.
Peach: MARIO! Wake up! It’s me! Princess Peach!
Mr. M: My name isn’t Mario! What are you talking about?
Voice: Your past!
Dimentio appears out of nowhere.
Luigi: Great! First these witches arrive, then my possessed bro and a ghost appear, now it’s the joker.
Dimentio: I would be happy to offer a joker card!
Dimentio gets out a deck of cards, throws them in the air, shuffles them in midair with magic, grabs the deck, and pulls out a joker card.
Doopliss: Woah! Can you do that again!
Beldam: What are we doing around here? We must return to our mistress!
Mr. M: Right!
Beldam and Marilyn sink into the shadows, Dimentio teleports away, while Mr. M and Doopliss simply run away. Luigi and Lord Crump struggle to break free from the rubble.
Several hours later inside the Shadow Queen’s palace…
Shadow Queen: Did you return with my prisoners?
Beldam: Only one, my Queen!
Shadow Queen: WHY!
Dimentio: They were too elusive!
Mr. M: That’s a lie! We were never informed! Well, we could have taken the green one, the fat man, and the turtle, but we decided not to.
Mr. M bows to the Shadow Queen.
Mr. M: I apologize for the mission’s failure! I accept full responsibility for this!
Shadow Queen: You are forgiven! I won’t be as nice next time, Mr. M!
Mr. M: I understand!
Mr. M rises.
Shadow Queen: As for the prisoner! I will not execute her! Take her to the cell! I have better plans in mind! But I must wait and see what unfolds!
Doopliss: What do we do?
Shadow Queen: We let them make the first move this time!
Doopliss: So we sit on our butts and wait for them?
Shadow Queen: Yes!
Doopliss: That’s dumb!
Shadow Queen: Doopliss! You’ve earned a trip to the box!
Everyone but the Shadow Queen and Doopliss gasps.
Doopliss: No! Not the box! Anything but the box!
Mr. M grabs Doopliss and drags him away.
Dimentio: Hey! My Queen? Where’s Bleck?
Shadow Queen: He went to Wal-Mart to get me something.
Dimentio: What did he get?
Shadow Queen: I can’t tell you! Remember, you are only my servant! Everyone, go take a break!
Shadow Queen: Just kidding! I will plan further ahead.
1 day later…
Luigi: Now how are we supposed to get Peach back?
Bowser: It’s actually nice without Peach here to boss me around. Besides, no Peach and Mario leaves Plit wide open for me to takeover!
Luigi: Yes! Then that means you’ll rule in shadows and darkness then.
Bowser: That’s what I planned in the first place.
Luigi: Then you have the Shadow Queen take your place soon after.
Bowser: Well if I have to defeat her then I’ll do it, since my reign wouldn’t last long. Dang it! Why does the Shadow Queen have to mess up the whole formula?
Luigi: I just don’t know!
Lord Crump is standing about 10 feet away with his back turned to Luigi and Bowser.
Lord Crump: (I need my goal carried out! I can’t let them set things to normal! I need to pretend to be helpful until I see an opportunity, and then BAM! I stab them in the back and the X-Nauts rule the world.)
Lord Crump turns around.
Bowser: I say we need some help! A weaker version of Mario, an evil king, and a weird Wario lookalike aren’t going to do much.
Luigi: I’m not weaker than Mario! I swear it! I’ll go beat him up right now and show him I’m better!
Bowser laughs softly so Luigi may not hear.
Lord Crump: I have an idea!
Luigi turns to Lord Crump.
Luigi: Do you have an idea?
Crump: Yes! But I need a lab!
Luigi: Let’s pay a visit to E. Gadd!
Luigi, Bowser, and Crump run to E. Gadd’s lab…
An hour later a disturbing event occurs in the Shadow Queen’s hideout.
Shadow Queen: My plan should be going smoothly!
Count Bleck arrives with a folder of papers labeled Top Secret.
Bleck: I got what you wanted, Baby Sister!
Shadow Queen: Even though you may be 7 centuries older, I’m still more powerful than you! So watch it! Anyway, did you get the documents?
Bleck: Yes! I stole them from a top secret facility in the Real World.
Shadow Queen: Let me see!
Count Bleck opens the folder and the Shadow Queen looks.
Shadow Queen: Yes! This is sure to work!
One page shows radiation from a nuclear bomb.
Bleck: We poison the population with radiation to create your undead army.
The Shadow Queen slowly smiles sinisterly.
Shadow Queen: Yes! Just as planned!