The Shadow Queen Strikes Back

By Red Koopa

Bowser: You would have thought by now the Shadow Queen would have taken over the world! I MEAN SHE’S HAD A YEAR OR MORE TO DO SO! Red Koopa’s been lazy anyway!

Red Koopa: Shut up! I know I need to finish this, so here I am.

Luigi: Where were we anyway? It’s been so long I forgot where we were.

Red Koopa: Shut up and let’s start the episode!

Luigi (continued from last time): What do you mean Mario was possessed?! What does he look like?

Peach: A Mario version of Mr. L.

Bowser: NO! He looks like Shadow Mario! Red Koopa obviously has never heard of Super Mario Sunshine so he used the Mr. M thing.

Lord Crump: What’s a Mr. L?

Bowser: Well, it’s a ripoff of… something!

Luigi: I somehow feel like I know this person!

Peach: Anyway, off topic! The deal is Mario has been possessed and we need to restore him and beat the Shadow Queen.

Luigi: How do we do that?

Lord Crump: With love and the Crystal Stars, right?

Peach: How do I know? I was possessed when she was beaten the first time!

Bowser: I was leaving with Kammy!

Lord Crump: And I was supposed to be dead. But that’s what Beldam told me.

All: Hmmmmm…

Peach: We should plan at my castle! Let’s go!


Beldam: Freak sheet, go with the shadow!

Doopliss: Which shadow? The evil queen who wants to takeover the world, or her new servant?

Beldam slaps her face.

Beldam: With her new servant! Where are the fugitives escaping to?

Mr. M: To Mushroom City most likely.

Shadow Queen: Mr. M and Doopliss in one group, Beldam and Marilyn in another, and Dimentio by himself. Bleck and I will stay here. Return all of the escaped prisoners to me!

Beldam: Come! Marilyn! We have work to do!

Marilyn: Guh! (I call spying!)

Mr. M: Don’t screw this up!

Doopliss: I call sofa when we get back!

Several hours later…

Bowser: I need the bathroom!

Peach: Can you hold it?

Bowser: No!

Peach: Sorry.

Bowser: Can I go?

Peach: NO!

Bowser: Please!

Peach: NO!

Bowser: Pretty please?

Peach: NO!

Bowser: I have to go really bad!

Peach: Well too bad! We need to talk about this!

Bowser: About me needing the bathroom?

Peach: NO!

Peach slaps herself in the face.

Luigi: Mario hates Poison Mushrooms! I know everything he likes and hates!

Peach: Crump! Do you know anything Mario hates?

Crump: He hates me trying to blow trees up, and robots.

Peach: Why does Mario hate robots?

Crump: Because I drove him insane with Magnus Von Grapple 2.0.

Peach: Can you make a Magnus Von Grapple 3.0?

Crump: I lost the design years ago.

Peach: That’s unfortunate!


Bowser runs to the bathroom. Second later he walks out relieved.

Bowser: I didn’t miss anything!

Peach: I would have killed you if you went on my floor.

Bowser: Then why did you make me hold it? That makes no sense!

Peach: Your face doesn’t make any sense!

Luigi: Oh ho! Burned!

Bowser: Stop saying that, bossy pants!

Peach: How am I bossy?

Bowser: You’re a princess!

Peach: You’re a king!

Luigi: Burned!

Crump: How about you two shut up!

Bowser: Yeah! He told you to shut up!

Peach: I’m going to punch you now!

Luigi: Stop fighting!

Luigi walks over and pushes Bowser and Peach away from each other.

Luigi: We need to stop arguing!

Voice: It’s too late for that!

Beldam and Marilyn appear from the shadows

Beldam: Marilyn overheard your whole conversation.

Marilyn: Guh! (It was the stupid king and the princess arguing, man that turtle needs to get a life).

Bowser has a confused look on his face.

Bowser: Did someone besides Peach insult me?

Marilyn: Guh, Guh! (Uh, no!)

Peach: Wait! You should have one more person in your group!

Beldam: Freak Sheet, or that slob Vivan? Freak sheet’s with your possessed buddy.

Bowser: Who’s Vivian? Who’s freak sheet!

Peach: Just ignore that idiot!

Beldam: And fat man! Why don’t you join the winning team? Mistress will let you back!

Crump: You calling me fat?

Beldam: Yes!

Luigi: Uh oh!

Crump: Bad choice!

We see a zoomed in shot of Crump’s face.


Wario: What a great day to steal money!

Peach’s castle explodes and a boulder lands on Wario.


We see Peach’s castle in ruins. Bowser’s head rises out of the rubble.

Bowser: Mommy, can I have a cookie?

Bowser falls unconscious. Beldam and Marilyn rise out of the rubble. Beldam has scratches while Marilyn has a black eye.

Beldam: Maybe I shouldn’t have called him fat…

Marilyn: GUH! (REALLY!)

Luigi rises out of the rubble as does Crump.

Luigi: We almost died, Crump! Don’t do that again!

Crump: She called me fat!

Luigi: But you are faa- um, I mean, big-boned! Just like Wario over there!

Wario is lying on the ground several yards away.

Luigi: Bowser’s right there! Wait! Where’s Peach?

Crump: I thought she was with Bowser!

Luigi: Oh no!

Doopliss: Ha ha!

Luigi: What?

Doopliss is holding Peach. Mr. M walks up to him.

Mr. M: Good job! You did 300% better than I thought you would!

Doopliss hands Peach to Mr. M.

Peach: MARIO! Wake up! It’s me! Princess Peach!

Mr. M: My name isn’t Mario! What are you talking about?

Voice: Your past!

Dimentio appears out of nowhere.

Luigi: Great! First these witches arrive, then my possessed bro and a ghost appear, now it’s the joker.

Dimentio: I would be happy to offer a joker card!

Dimentio gets out a deck of cards, throws them in the air, shuffles them in midair with magic, grabs the deck, and pulls out a joker card.

Doopliss: Woah! Can you do that again!

Beldam: What are we doing around here? We must return to our mistress!

Mr. M: Right!

Beldam and Marilyn sink into the shadows, Dimentio teleports away, while Mr. M and Doopliss simply run away. Luigi and Lord Crump struggle to break free from the rubble.

Several hours later inside the Shadow Queen’s palace…

Shadow Queen: Did you return with my prisoners?

Beldam: Only one, my Queen!

Shadow Queen: WHY!

Dimentio: They were too elusive!

Mr. M: That’s a lie! We were never informed! Well, we could have taken the green one, the fat man, and the turtle, but we decided not to.

Mr. M bows to the Shadow Queen.

Mr. M: I apologize for the mission’s failure! I accept full responsibility for this!

Shadow Queen: You are forgiven! I won’t be as nice next time, Mr. M!

Mr. M: I understand!

Mr. M rises.

Shadow Queen: As for the prisoner! I will not execute her! Take her to the cell! I have better plans in mind! But I must wait and see what unfolds!

Doopliss: What do we do?

Shadow Queen: We let them make the first move this time!

Doopliss: So we sit on our butts and wait for them?

Shadow Queen: Yes!

Doopliss: That’s dumb!

Everyone gasps.

Shadow Queen: Doopliss! You’ve earned a trip to the box!

Everyone but the Shadow Queen and Doopliss gasps.

Doopliss: No! Not the box! Anything but the box!

Mr. M grabs Doopliss and drags him away.

Dimentio: Hey! My Queen? Where’s Bleck?

Shadow Queen: He went to Wal-Mart to get me something.

Dimentio: What did he get?

Shadow Queen: I can’t tell you! Remember, you are only my servant! Everyone, go take a break!

Everyone: YAY!

Shadow Queen: Just kidding! I will plan further ahead.

1 day later…

Luigi: Now how are we supposed to get Peach back?

Bowser: It’s actually nice without Peach here to boss me around. Besides, no Peach and Mario leaves Plit wide open for me to takeover!

Luigi: Yes! Then that means you’ll rule in shadows and darkness then.

Bowser: That’s what I planned in the first place.

Luigi: Then you have the Shadow Queen take your place soon after.

Bowser: Well if I have to defeat her then I’ll do it, since my reign wouldn’t last long. Dang it! Why does the Shadow Queen have to mess up the whole formula?

Luigi: I just don’t know!

Lord Crump is standing about 10 feet away with his back turned to Luigi and Bowser.

Lord Crump: (I need my goal carried out! I can’t let them set things to normal! I need to pretend to be helpful until I see an opportunity, and then BAM! I stab them in the back and the X-Nauts rule the world.)

Lord Crump turns around.

Bowser: I say we need some help! A weaker version of Mario, an evil king, and a weird Wario lookalike aren’t going to do much.

Luigi: I’m not weaker than Mario! I swear it! I’ll go beat him up right now and show him I’m better!

Bowser laughs softly so Luigi may not hear.

Lord Crump: I have an idea!

Luigi turns to Lord Crump.

Luigi: Do you have an idea?

Crump: Yes! But I need a lab!

Luigi: Let’s pay a visit to E. Gadd!

Luigi, Bowser, and Crump run to E. Gadd’s lab…

An hour later a disturbing event occurs in the Shadow Queen’s hideout.

Shadow Queen: My plan should be going smoothly!

Count Bleck arrives with a folder of papers labeled Top Secret.

Bleck: I got what you wanted, Baby Sister!

Shadow Queen: Even though you may be 7 centuries older, I’m still more powerful than you! So watch it! Anyway, did you get the documents?

Bleck: Yes! I stole them from a top secret facility in the Real World.

Shadow Queen: Let me see!

Count Bleck opens the folder and the Shadow Queen looks.

Shadow Queen: Yes! This is sure to work!

One page shows radiation from a nuclear bomb.

Bleck: We poison the population with radiation to create your undead army.

The Shadow Queen slowly smiles sinisterly.

Shadow Queen: Yes! Just as planned!

Read on!

Comments, suggestions, stories, or story ideas? Email me!
Go back to Lemmy's Fun Fiction.
Go back to my main page.