Chapter 13: Reservoir Dragons
Vivian: Okay... So, we’re all here, right? Every party member in this story?
Popple: Here.
Wario: Here.
Waluigi: Here.
Birdo: Here.
P.T.: Here.
Toadsworth: Here.
Yoshi: Here.
Game Guy: He-
Grambi: YES WE’RE ALL HERE!
Luvbi/Cudge/DK/Dodo: I didn’t get a turn...
Vivian: So now we can go kill Fawful, right?
Toadsworth: But there was this rumor about Mushroom Castle that I wanted to try out...
Grambi: And I need to prove to Rebbi I’m not a coward.
Popple: This gives me an idea!
The Koopa Cruiser drops Toadsworth, Vivian, Yoshi, and DK at Mushroom Castle. Then it drops off Grambi, Luvbi, Dodo, and Wario at Over.
Popple: Now let’s go kill us some dragons!
Remaining Party: Yay!
Waluigi: Which one do we kill first?
Popple: I didn’t give you permission to talk.
Waluigi: ...
Cudge: He’s got a point, what order do we kill dragons?
Freddy: Let’s split up, gang!
Popple: Good idea. Let’s see... There are eight dragons, but two of them are in Fawful’s tower, so we’ll skip those.
Waluigi: How do you know they’re-
Popple: Shut up. Okay... Six dragons... and right now there are six of us... So we each kill a dragon!
Waluigi: Are you sure that’s a-
Popple: Okay, everybody pick a dragon!
Dragon Deaths:
Popple - Ice Dragon
Birdo - Holy Dragon
Game Guy - Storm Dragon
Cudge - Earth Dragon
P.T. - Blue Dragon
Waluigi - Fire Dragon
Game Guy: Let’s not try to half-butt this splitting up thing. Let’s prove we can do it right.
All: BREAK!
P.T. and Waluigi jump off the ship.
Both: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-
Birdo: ...
Later, Popple is walking through the abandoned Fahr Outpost.
Popple: This place sure has changed...
The buildings are all torn up. Croco walks past.
Popple: Aren’t you that guy that held Cudge hostage?
Croco: No. You’re made of nonsense.
Popple: You can’t fool me!
Croco: All right, fine! But you gotta get out of town!
Popple: What’s wrong?
Croco: The Arby’s has been shut down! Everyone’s left because of that!
Popple: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
After mourning the loss of his beloved Arby’s, Popple is wandering around the ruins of Fahr Outpost’s back snowfield. Popple picks up Wario’s old wallet.
Popple: I knew I left that here somewhere!
???: ROAR!
Popple turns around.
Popple: WOAH!
Ice Dragon: YOU DARE TREAD UPON MY DOMAIN, BEANISH MORTAL?
It’s like Bonetail, but made of ice instead of bones.
Popple: Um... Yes! Yes I do!
Ice Dragon: YOU SHALL BE FROZEN TO THE CORE.
Popple: Oh no...
Meanwhile, Birdo comes across the Fawful Fanboy Tower.
Birdo: So I heard there was a dragon around here?
Cultists: FAWFUL... FAWFUL... FAWFUL...
Birdo: Well?
Cultists: FAWFUL... FAWFUL...
Birdo: ... Maybe I ought to check for myself...
Meanwhile, Game Guy is in Rogueport.
Game Guy: This is my kind of town... Did I say that or was that someone else? Oh well. Hey! You! Is there a dragon around here?
Doogan: No. It’s not in the mountains.
Game Guy: How do I find it?
Doogan: Don’t head to Mt. Rogueport. You didn’t find Toadsworth there and you won’t find the Storm Dragon there.
Game Guy: ... Riiiight... You know, people are seeing through this. Have you ever considered not lying about EVERYTHING?
Doogan: Yes. I like you, keep talking to me.
Game Guy: ...
On the mountain...
Game Guy: I don’t see any-
A sinister-looking Albatoss picks up Game Guy and flies around with him in its talons.
Game Guy: AAAAAH!
Albatoss (Storm Dragon): ROOOOOOOOOOOARRR!!!
Game Guy: HOLY SMOKES, SAVE ME SUPERMAN!
Meanwhile, Cudge is in the Opera House.
Cudge: Nice place you got here.
Flavio: Help! Help!
Cudge: What’s wrong?
Flavio: The Earth Dragon is onstage!
Cudge looks through the open door into the theater.
Cudge: Doesn’t look like it’s bothering anyone. Hakuna Matata, man!
Flavio: No! The dragon is supposed to be singing! But it’s not!
Cudge: Oh. Well I need to go kill it.
Flavio: Good. With all this stress, I can work on Beanbrad and Birdy II.
Cudge: I heard the first one was a major success!
Flavio: Yes. *colonel’s voice* Now get out there and show him what you’re made of. No regrets.
Cudge: *Snake’s voice* Got it...
Cudge appears onstage next to the Earth Dragon. It’s a small, rocky version of Hooktail.
Earth Dragon: And you are?
Cudge: I’m a Pixl, but I have to kill you... for some reason.
Earth Dragon: If we’re onstage...
The dragon pulls out a guitar.
Earth Dragon: We must settle this like men!
Cudge pulls out his own guitar.
Cudge: Way ahead of you.
Meanwhile, P.T. is in an underground castle.
P.T.: So this Blue Dragon... Okay, where do I find it?
A blue version of Hooktail appears.
Blue Dragon: RIGHT HERE!
P.T.: Woah!
Blue Dragon: HAHAHA!
P.T.: So... time to fight?
Blue Dragon: If you can! Mwahahahahaha!
Meanwhile in the Phoenix Cave, Waluigi is currently outrunning a stream of fire from the Fire Dragon (Czar Dragon).
Waluigi: WAAAAAAA! MAMAMIA!
Fire Dragon: Run, run, or you’ll be well-done!
Waluigi: No! I must remain medium rare!
Waluigi is now trapped in a corner.
Fire Dragon: You’re mine!
The dragon breathes fire, but Waluigi jumps up, kicks off the wall, an tackles the dragon to the ground.
Waluigi: ... Did I just do that? WOW, I’M AWESOME!
Fire Dragon: And now you’re roasted!
Waluigi: AAAAH!
Meanwhile...
Blue Dragon: Uno.
P.T.: DANG IT! You’ve beaten me at this game, but I shall have my time!
Meanwhile, Popple is hiding behind a rock.
Ice Dragon: I know you’re still around here...
Popple: (This is intense! Why’s does it always look so easy in the video games?!)
Ice Dragon: FOUND YOU!
Popple: !
Popple runs to avoid the ice breath and hides behind a different rock.
Popple: (Wait... Maybe I don’t have to fight! I can do what I do best!)
Popple runs out of hiding, snaps off one of the Ice Dragon’s toes, and runs away.
Popple: Stealing!
Ice Dragon: HEY!
Meanwhile...
Birdo is exhausted from all the stairs. She opens the first door she comes across.
Birdo: EEK!
Birdo ducks to avoid a flame of glorious light. The Holy Dragon looks like a glowing version of Bonechill.
Holy Dragon: Who dares to enter my room at the Fanboy Inn?!
Birdo enters the room.
Birdo: I do!
Holy Dragon: Well prepare yourself, for a magical battle of epic proportions! We may only attack using magic, so this shall be-
Birdo: Magic Lock!
Holy Dragon is prohibited from using magic.
Holy Dragon: ... That’s not fair. Nope. Not at all.
Birdo: Fair this!
Birdo spams the most powerful spell in the game.
Holy Dragon: AAAAAHHHHH!!! I’VE FALLEN!
Holy Dragon becomes a Boo and floats up into a light from above.
Voice: Seven dragons remain.
Birdo: Yay I’m the first one done!
Meanwhile...
P.T.: Curses! Even with Boardwalk and Park Place, I still lost!
Blue Dragon: Getting hotels on those places doesn’t guarantee a win.
P.T.: I know, I know...
Meanwhile...
Game Guy: Let go!
Storm Dragon: CAW! Okay.
Storm Dragon lets go of Game Guy... over a chasm.
Game Guy: AAAAAAAAA- Wait.
Game Guy uses his head propeller to fly to a ledge.
Game Guy: Take that!
Storm Dragon picks him up again.
Game Guy: OH COME ON!
Meanwhile, the Fire Dragon is chasing Waluigi and spitting fireballs. Waluigi manages to keep jumping over them.
Fire Dragon: Your stamina is admirable, but I’ll kill you yet!
Waluigi: Ohh! If only I could remember what Master Grubba said!
FLASHBACK!
Birdo, Wario, Waluigi, and Game Guy are outside a house.
Waluigi: Master Grubba! You’re alive after all!
Grubba: Yep. Now I’m going to teach you your strongest move because you’re a weakling and you’ll need it.
Waluigi: ... Thanks?
END FLASHBACK!
Waluigi: Oh yeah, I remember now!
Waluigi stops and turns around.
Waluigi: Prepare to-
He’s hit with a fireball.
Waluigi: Ow...
Meanwhile, Popple is running around the battlefield. He’s kept managing to run up to Ice Dragon, steal an ice bone, and run off. Ice Dragon is now just a skull.
Ice Dragon: You haven’t won yet, Beanish. This is only the beginning!
Popple: More like the beginning of the end.
Popple summons Misstar.
Ice Dragon: Oh no! Mortal, please don’t! I’m begging you!
Misstar: Fiery Jinx!
Ice Dragon’s skull is hit with fire.
Ice Dragon: IT BURNS!
Ice Dragon turns into a Boo and melts.
Voice: Six dragons are left.
Popple: Oh, someone managed to kill another dragon. That’s good.
Meanwhile...
P.T.: King me!
Blue Dragon: ... FORGET THIS!
The dragon throws the checkerboard off the table.
Blue Dragon: GET IN MAH BELLEH!
P.T.: AAAH!
The Blue Dragon starts chasing P.T.
With Game Guy, our hero is standing on a cliff after breaking loose from the dragon a second time.
Game Guy: Hmm... (How can I do this? He’s lightning-elemental, which is odd considering that he flies around in the skies and should be prone to it. Or maybe that just built up his resistance... I got it!) Hey! Dragon! Down here!
The dragon flies down to Game Guy.
Game Guy: Step right up, step right up! Welcome to Game Guy’s Lucky 7! See these seven stairs behind me? I roll the die and get a number. I will then go to that step! If I roll a 6, it’s game over for you. But if you can get a higher number then be my guest! If you can!
Game Guy rolls a 4.
Game Guy: Well!
Game Guy goes to Step 4.
Game Guy: Your turn.
Storm Dragon rolls the die and gets a 6. He flies to Step 6.
Game Guy: Aww...
The Koopa Cruiser lands on the Storm Dragon, killing it and squashing Steps 6 and 7. Popple hops down to Step 5.
Popple: Hey Game Guy!
Game Guy: Hey, I didn’t need your help killing it!
Popple: What?
Game Guy: You didn’t see? You parked my ship right on the dragon! I didn’t ask for your help!
Popple looks behind him.
Popple: ... Oh...
A Boo floats up from under the Cruiser and is blown away like dust.
Voice: Five dragons aren’t dead yet.
Popple: Well... Whatever, Birdo and I killed our dragons so let’s go see how the others are doing.
Game Guy: Fine...
So the Koopa Cruiser is flying around. It’s over the desert of Diamond Castle, when Birdo spots the Blue Dragon chasing P.T. around.
Birdo: Should we help?
Popple: Well... We’d get exp. Game Guy, what do you think?
Game Guy: I’d like to kill at least ONE dragon!
Popple: Don’t you start with me!
Birdo: What?
Popple: It’s a long story... Kinda.
The Koopa Cruiser lands in the desert. Popple, Birdo, and Game Guy follow after the Blue Dragon.
P.T.: Help!
Blue Dragon: No one must know that I lost at checkers! NO ONE!
Game Guy: A game? Hey! Dragon!
The Blue Dragon leaves P.T. alone and walks up to the party.
Game Guy: If you’re looking to play games, how about a round of Game Guy’s Sweet Surprise? I’ve got these two Chomps and two cakes. Which one will-
P.T.’s Chomp (Grim Reaper) bites on the Blue Dragon’s tail while Popple and Birdo (and soon P.T.) start beating up the Blue Dragon. The dragon falls over. Popple, Birdo, and P.T. jump into the air and make poses. They all have handlebar mustaches too.
Birdo: We are awesome.
Popple/P.T.: YES.
They land on the ground, but without mustaches.
Popple: Thanks for being a distraction.
Game Guy: But I didn’t-
Birdo: Really, thanks.
The dragon turns into a Boo and pops like a bubble.
Voice: You still have four dragons to kill. Way to go, half of them died today.
Popple: Come on, let’s go save Waluigi before he gets totally burnt to a crisp.
Birdo: If he’s the weakest one, why’d we let him fight the Fire Dragon?
P.T.: Well none of us wanted to.
Popple: Plus it seemed funny.
Birdo: Popple, if we’re going to have kids one day-
Popple: We are not a couple!
P.T.: Can I be the best man?
Popple: NO!
Eventually, the Koopa Cruiser lands right outside Phoenix Cave and lowers a ladder. But before the four can climb down, Waluigi climbs up.
Waluigi: Guys! I did it!
Phoenix: OBJECTION!
Waluigi: But... you were there!
Popple: Yeah right, Waluigi.
Waluigi: It’s true! I used my most powerful move that Grubba showed me! Birdo, Game Guy, you know the one!
Birdo: I wasn’t watching.
Game Guy: I was checking my Twitter.
Waluigi: Aww, come on guys! I totally killed that dragon!
P.T.: Really?
Waluigi: Well... there was kind of a rockslide, but I still did stuff!
Fire Dragon’s Boo: Well, I am dead at least.
The Boo is blown out like a fire.
Voice: You still have to kill three more.
Popple: Three? But didn’t we kill all six that we could?
Birdo: I think you’re forgetting someone.
Popple: Who? Vivian, Yoshi, and Donkey Kong are with Toadsworth! Dodo and Wario are with Grambi and Luvbi! And all of us are back from killing dragons!
Game Guy: There’s still Cudge.
Popple: ... *sigh* Fine...
Waluigi: How did we know where to go to find the dragons, anyway?
Popple: Don’t ask, it’ll make things more complicated.
Game Guy flies the ship to the Opera House. Inside...
Popple: Hey Flavio!
Flavio: Popple! Birdo! ... Game Guy?
Game Guy waves.
Flavio: Have you come to join the troupe? Beanbrad and Birdy was a success! Oh, and you brought friends!
Waluigi and P.T. wave.
Popple: Not today. We heard our friend was beating up a dragon.
Flavio: Well he was... But... You should look for yourself...
Everyone goes inside. Cudge and Earth Dragon are having a guitar duel like in Guitar Hero World Tour. Cudge is doing very well against Earth Dragon and the audience is loving it.
P.T.: I don’t get it.
Waluigi: Actually he makes a point, how is Cudge physically able to-
Game Guy: Shut up.
Eventually the Earth Dragon loses.
CUDGE ROCKS!
The dragon becomes a Boo and crumbles into bits that disappear.
Voice: Yay, two dragons still live!
Cudge bows as he receives a standing ovation. Later...
Flavio: You all are truly amazing.
Popple: What do we get for not only helping with Game Guy but also coming back to stop the dragon?
Flavio: Nothing! :D
Party: ...
On the ship...
P.T.: Oh, I get it, he was the Earth Dragon! Earth, as in rocks! And he tried to kill you with the Power of Rock!
Cudge: No, we were just performing was all.
P.T.: Aww...
Birdo: The important thing is that we’ve killed all the dragons that we can. Now what do we do?
Waluigi: We should check on everyone else.
Game Guy: No, let’s just see how everyone else is doing.
Cudge: I like it.
Waluigi: ...
Chapter 14: The Grown Ups
FLASHBACK!
???: Well if it isn’t ol’ Grambi...
An older Nimbi in red robes floats up to Grambi.
Rebbi: Remember that time we looked for Bonechill and you chickened out?
...
Grambi: And I need to prove to Rebbi I’m not a coward.
END FLASHBACK!
Grambi, Luvbi, Wario, and Dodo are in Over.
Wario: Bonechill? Didn’t we kill him a few chapters ago?
Grambi: Stupid continuity error... Let’s just pretend he said “Cortez” instead. Got it?
Luvbi: Yes...
Wario: But I clearly remember-
Grambi: GOT IT?!
Wario: ... Got it.
Dodo: ... Got it.
Luvbi: Really or are you just copying?
Dodo: Really or are you just copying?
Luvbi: I’m a moron.
Dodo: I’m a moron.
Luvbi: HA!
Meanwhile, Vivian, Toadsworth, Yoshi, and Donkey Kong are at Mushroom Castle.
Yoshi: Toadsworth live here?
Toadsworth: Yes, Master Yoshi. Well... I used to live here... before... he came...
Vivian: I never really got a chance to ask, what happened?
Toadsworth: Fawful... He found a way to kill everyone!
DK: DONKEY SMASH FAFFUL!
Toadsworth: No, it’s no use. Let’s go try the rumor.
Everyone heads to the Guest Room.
Toadsworth: Rumor has it that if you fall asleep here, ghosts will visit you. So let’s all take naps!
Vivian: Are you sure?
Toadsworth: Why not?
Vivian: Well...
Yoshi: Read Yoshi bedtime story! Tell how Luigi find Yoshi and Yoshi rescue princess!
Toadsworth: Okay, okay! Well it all started when Mario, the princess, and I came to Dinosaur World for a vacation-
Vivian: Toadsworth, I don’t think now’s the time.
Toadsworth: Okay, okay!
Everyone hops into a bed and falls asleep. Yoshi wakes up in the middle of the... afternoon nap and finds what looks like three Shroobs standing around Toadsworth in his bed.
Yoshi: Aliens!
The Shroobs notice Yoshi.
Shroob 1: @*##%&*#(@!
Shroobs 2 and 3 notice.
Shroob 2: **&! **&!
Shroob 3: ^%^%.
Shroob 2: ^%^%?! **&!
Yoshi wakes up Vivian.
Vivian: Ugh, what is i- WAAA!
Shroobs: **&! @##%!
Shroob 1 presses a button on his DS and a portal comes out of Toadsworth’s head. They all jump in.
Vivian: We’ve got to stop them! Wake up, DK!
Yoshi: Donkey Kong! Donkey Kong!
DK: Zzzz...
Yoshi: No good!
Vivian: Well think of something, the portal’s getting smaller!
Yoshi: Uhh...
Yoshi eats DK and then a giant egg comes out. Yoshi picks up the heavy egg and throws it into the portal.
Vivian: ... Sure...
Vivian and Yoshi head into the portal.
Vivian/Yoshi: AAAAAAH!
They separate. A while later Donkey Kong’s egg is seen on the end of a path of tiles in nothingness. It hatches.
DK: DONKEY FREE! ... WHERE VIVVIN AND YOSHEE?
DK looks around and notices Yoshi unconscious across a gap.
Game Designer: Why’d you put DK in the back of the party? That means he’ll be the one you control first! You’d better not have a hard time with enemies, because this character is CPU-controlled! He can’t use healing items!
You: ... Shoot.
DK runs through the area, beating up everything that gets in his way until he goes through a door. The door warps him to Yoshi.
DK: YOSHEE!
Yoshi wakes up.
Yoshi: DK!
DK: WE FIND VIVVIN!
Yoshi: Where Vivian at?
DK: ... THERE!
Yoshi and DK notice Vivian on a small platform nearby. After a confusing path of doors they make it to Vivian and wake her up.
DK: VIVVIN! DONKEY MISS YOU!
Vivian: Donkey Kong and Yoshi! You’re both okay! But... is this Toadsworth’s mind?
Yoshi: This weird.
Voice: @$#*(.
Vivian: That must be the Shroobs. Let’s go give them a piece of our minds!
Yoshi: DK have no mind!
DK: WHA?
Yoshi: See?
Vivian: Well close enough, let’s go.
After navigating through the area, the party reaches the Shroobs outside of a door.
Shroob 3: ... **&! **&! ## **&!
Shroob 1/Shroob 2: **&? ... **&!
Vivian: Okay, we don’t know what you’re doing with Toadsworth, but get out of his head!
Shroobs: #*#)#%#%$-
DK: DONKEY NO KNOW!
Shroobs: ...
Shroob 1 holds a device up to where his throat would be.
Shroob 1: We are not average Shroobs. We are a special breed that feast on grief instead of vim, and this Toad has grief to spare! We set up a rumor to lure people in, and feast on their grief in their dreams! You interlopers are impeding us!
Vivian: Oh...?
Shroob 1: Once we have enough grief, our ships will have fuel and we may conquer the being known as DAD-X and takeover as the rulers of Plit!
Vivian: Oh no you don’t!
Yoshi: Shroobs no hurt Toadsworth!
DK: DONKEY CRUSH!
Shroob 1: Foolish woman, dinosaur, and ape! We shall use force if we must!
BOSS!
Vivian: 2500/2500
Yoshi: 2100/2100
DK: 2000/2000
Vs.
Shroob Trio: 6000/6000
Vivian uses Fiery Jinx! 40 damage!
Yoshi copies Cowboy Jed! Yoshi throws
a Spiny Blue Shell! 500 damage!
DK throws Yoshi at the Shroobs! 200
damage!
Shroobs 1 and 2 shoot lasers at Vivian
and DK! 100 damage each!
Shroobs 2 and 3 shoot lasers at DK
and Yoshi! 100 damage each!
Shroob 3 shoots a Stone Beam at DK!
DK is a statue now!
Vivian: 2400/2500
Yoshi: 2000/2100
DK: 1800/2000 (stone)
Vs.
Shroob Trio: 5260/6000
Vivian summons Leafeon!
Leafeon: Daddy’s here, Vivian.
Leafeon uses Razor Leaf! It’s Super
Eff- I mean, 100 damage!
Yoshi throws a Spiny Blue Shell! 500
damage!
The Shroobs use Triple Trauma! Yoshi
faints!
Vivian: 2400/2500
Yoshi: 0/2100
DK: 1800/2000 (stone)
Vs.
Shroob Trio: 4660/6000
Vivian uses a Refreshing Herb on DK!
DK uses Conga Beat on the Shroobs!
600 damage!
Shroob 1 shoots a Stone Beam at DK!
He’s a statue!
Shroob 2 shoots a Stone Beam at Vivian!
Her badge keeps her immune!
Shroobs 3 and 1 shoot lasers at Vivian
and DK! 100 damage to Vivian! DK’s rock solid!
Vivian: 2300/2500
Yoshi: 0/2100
DK: 1800/2000 (stone)
Vs.
Shroob Trio: 4060/6000
Vivian uses Shade Fist! 60 damage!
Shroob 3: @*#%*(...
Shroob 3 faints!
Shroob 1: Foolish Shadow Siren, he
was the one who’d revive us! How could you?!
Vivian: Well you found ways to disable
my friends!
Shroobs 1 and 2 shoot lasers at Vivian
and DK! 100 damage to Vivian! DK’s rock solid!
Shroob 2 shoots a laser at Vivian.
100 damage!
Vivian: 2100/2500
Yoshi: 0/2100
DK: 1800/2000 (stone)
Vs.
Shroob Trio: 4000/6000
Vivian becomes Star Vivian!
Star Vivian uses Thunder Bros! 1200
damage!
Shroob 1 shoots a Stone Beam at Star
Vivian! She’s immune!
Shroob 2 shoots a laser at Star Vivian!
50 damage!
Star Vivian: 2050/2500
Yoshi: 0/2100
DK: 1800/2000 (stone)
Vs.
Shroob Trio: 2800/6000
Star Vivian uses Thunder Bros! 1200
damage!
Shroob 2: $$$%#$@...Shroob 2 faints!
Shroob 1: My comrades! I’m alone!
Shroob 1 shoots a laser at Star Vivian!
50 damage!
Star Vivian: 2000/2500 (one turn left)
Yoshi: 0/2100
DK: 1800/2000 (stone)
Vs.
Shroob Trio: 1600/6000
Star Vivian uses Thunder Bros! 1200
damage!
Star Vivian reverts to Vivian!
Shroob 1 shoots a laser at Vivian!
100 damage!
Vivian: 1900/2500
Yoshi: 0/2100
DK: 1800/2000 (stone)
Vs.
Shroob Trio: 200/6000
Vivian uses a 1-Up Mushroom on Yoshi!
Yoshi uses a Refreshing Herb on DK!
DK punches Shroob 1! 300 damage!
Shroob 1: Noo...
Shroob 1 faints! The Shroob Trio is
defeated!
Vivian, Yoshi, and DK win!
Vivian gains a level! Yoshi gains 234
exp! DK gains a level!
BATTLE OVER!
The Shroobs are gone.
Yoshi: Shroobs dead! We save Toadsworth?
Vivian: Not yet, there’s still all that grief in him. If the aliens were after it, maybe we should find the grief and ease it.
Yoshi/DK: Awww...
They enter the door ahead, labeled “PAST”. They’re taken to memories of the Excess Deathspress.
Ghost Waiter Memory: WELCOME TO MCDONALD’S-
DK punches him. Vivian leads the other two through the cabin and they find themselves in a memory of Mushroom Castle.
Yoshi: We in castle?
Vivian: No, this is still his dream.
DK: WHERE TOADWARD?!
Vivian: Toadsworth must be up ahead somewhere, let’s just look around and stop asking me everything!
Ghost of Toadsworth’s wife: Please save my husband from his grief.
Vivian: ... Okay.
The three search around the castle until they reach the throne room. It’s foggy and Toadsworth is unconscious, and on the throne is...
Vivian/Yoshi/DK: Darkrai!
Darkrai: Hi.
Vivian: What’s a Pokemon doing here?
Darkrai: I gave him nightmares and he’s giving me all this grief. So now I’m just watching it ‘cause my Cable’s out.
Vivian: Well we have to stop you.
Yoshi: Save Toadsworth!
Darkrai: I’m not letting you bring back my boredom!
Darkrai summons two Duskulls and disappears.
Darkrai’s voice: I’m possessing one of you three. If you can defeat both of these Pokemon at the same time, you’ll have to knock each other out to find me and then beat me before I start it all over again.
Vivian: Fiery Jinx!
She makes the two Duskulls faint.
Dakrai’s voice: Good, but can you find out which one of you has me in them?
Vivian: Well your voice is coming from Donkey Kong’s mouth.
DK (Darkrai): ... Rats.
DK: GET OUT!
DK punches himself in the gut, thinking Darkrai is literally in his belly. But DK is knocked out by this and Darkrai appears.
Darkai: I’ll just summon more-
Yoshi throws a Master Ball and catches him.
Darkrai: CHEAP SHOOOOOOOT!
... Click! You caught DARKRAI! Give
it a nickname?
Yes >No
Yoshi picks up the Master Ball as the fog clears. Toadsworth wakes up and sees the ghosts of his wife and son.
Toadsworth Jr’s ghost: Thanks for saving Daddy!
Toadsworth: Junior?
Toadsworth’s Wife’s ghost: Toadsworth, it’s okay. Life goes on. We’re always with you in here, watching you from the Overthere.
Suddenly there’s a bunch of shaking as the ghosts and Toadsworth vanish.
DK: CASTLE BREAKING!
Yoshi: No, Toadsworth waking up!
Vivian: How do we get ou-
Vivian, Yoshi, and DK just pop into existence in the real version of Mushroom Castle. Toadsworth wakes up.
Toadsworth: Boy I feel great! My nightmare had a... strange but happy ending and I feel good about myself as a person and I have all my battle techniques!
Vivian: You’re welcome.
Toadsworth: Although now I don’t quite know if the rumor was true or not.
Yoshi: It complicated. Aliens want eat grief! I help with Master Ball! See?
He’s still got the Master Ball.
Toadsworth: ... What?
Vivian: We’ll tell you later, let’s just go wait for Popple and the others to return.
Toadsworth: Cheerio!
At the same time as this whole thing, with the others...
Luvbi: Wow, Over’s become a dump.
Grambi: Luvbi, don’t be rude!
Luvbi: I wouldn’t be surprised if someone stole the toaster. You know how everyone is jealous of you for having it!
Grambi: Luvbi, I just said-
Skellobit from before: Hey! Guess what! I’m not dead after all!
Wario: Who are you?
Dodo: Who are you?
Skellobit: Long story. Hey, Grambi. You should check on Rebbi, he’s hurt bad! We put him in your house.
Grambi: Why’s he in my house?
Skellobit: He couldn’t afford the inn.
Grambi: It costs one coin!
Skellobit: He’s broke.
Grambi: But couldn’t they recognize that it was an emergency?!
Skellobit: Well the innkeeper is a cheapskate and you weren’t around!
Grambi: Rrr...
Grambi and Luvbi go to Grambi’s house. Wario decides to follow them and Dodo decides to copy Wario following them.
Grambi: Rebbi! You’re hurt!
Rebbi: Yes... I went to Pirates’ Grotto to find Bonechill... but after the continuity error in the story it became Cortez... and he beat me up.
Dodo: Yes... I went to the Pirates’ Grotto-
Wario: SHADDUP!
Grambi: Why hasn’t anyone used a heal spell?
Rebbi: No one here knows any!
Grambi: ... That’s weird.
Rebbi: Grambi... avenge your fallen friend!
Grambi: Friend?! You keep calling me a coward!
Rebbi: Then... before my game is over... prove that you’re not... ......
Grambi: REBBI!
Luvbi: No, he’s just fainted. He doesn’t look good though.
Grambi: That’s it, I’m going after Cortez once and for all!
Wario: Me too!
Dodo: Me too!
Grambi: But I want to do this alone!
Dodo: But I want to do this alone!
Grambi: ...
Luvbi: I’m going too!
Grambi: No! You’ll get hurt!
Dodo: No! You’ll get hurt!
Grambi: See? Dodo agrees with me!
Luvbi: Dad...
Grambi: Okay, that was a long shot-
Luvbi: I’m not a wimp!
Grambi: Well... uh... someone has to watch Rebbi!
Skellobit: I’ll do it.
Grambi: ... Fine...
On the coast...
Grambi: Well Luvbi and I can fly to Pirates’ Grotto. How about you?
Wario: ... Dang.
Dodo: ... Dang.
Grambi: Well neither of us are gonna lift you! I’m too old and she’s too small, while both of you are among the heaviest in the whole party!
Wario: Hey, you can’t offend me unless you’re willing to pay the fine! That’ll be 40 coins!
Grambi: Now’s not the time, we need-
Whibbi: You can use my canoe. Oh wait, no you can’t because GRAMBI STILL OWES ME MY LAWNMOWER BACK!
Grambi: I’ll return it when I’m done with it!
Whibbi: That’s a lie!
Dodo: That’s a lie!
Whibbi: See, he agrees! ... Who are you?
Dodo: See, he agrees! ... Who are you?
Whibbi: ...
Luvbi: Dad, can’t we just-
Grambi: Luvbi, Daddy’s talking to grown-ups right now.
Luvbi: Hmph!
Wario: WAA! THIS IS STUPID! GIVE EACH OTHER YOUR STUFF RIGHT NOW SO WE CAN GO BEAT UP CORTEZ AND I CAN TAKE HIS TREASURE OR ELSE!
Grambi/Whibbi: ... Fine...
Eventually the party is able to make it to Pirates’ Grotto. Grambi and Luvbi fly while Wario and Dodo row, Dodo doing it exactly the same as Wario. Inside...
Luvbi: It’s dark, wet, and smelly. How can Cortez stand it?!
Wario: All I can smell is the treasure! Let’s hurry so I can gets me some!
Grambi: He should be this way...
Grambi leads the group through the dark, watery tunnels.
Grambi: Just a little further.
Dodo: Just a little further.
Grambi: Will someone PLEASE make him stop?!
Dodo: Will someone-
Wario grabs Dodo’s beak. That seems to work when they want him to stop. Though Dodo then grabs an imaginary beak nearby (copying Wario).
Wario: That’ll be another 40 coins.
Grambi: Ugh...
Eventually they make it to Cortez’s ship. Cortez appears out of nowhere.
Cortez: YO-HO-HO! ... You... Nimbi viejo... Eres feo!
Grambi: Hey! Cortez, I’m going to avenge the death of Rebbi!
Cortez: ... Rebbi? No comprendo.
Grambi: Don’t play dumb with me!
Cortez: Very well...
Cortez summons his body out of the nearby bone pile. Three of his hands are holding swords while one has a hook.
Cortez: YARRRR!
Cortez starts swinging his weapons. Wario runs off into the ship, Dodo swings his feathers like Cortez swings his arms, and Grambi takes Luvbi to a safe alcove.
Grambi: This is why I didn’t want you here!
Luvbi: I can handle him!
Grambi: No you can’t!
Luvbi: Well why are you letting Dodo? I mean, look at him!
Grambi looks. Cortez keeps hitting Dodo, then Dodo hits nothingness in the same way.
Grambi: He’s not my daughter.
Wario’s voice: WAHAHA! I-A GOT IT!
Cortez and Dodo look. Wario’s got a sack over his shoulders.
Cortez: ESTUPIDO, JOU STEAL MI TREASURE! DIE!
Cortez starts inhaling Wario’s soul. Dodo starts inhaling Cortez’s soul. Holy smokes, it’s working! Dodo finishes first so now Wario keeps his soul, Cortez has no soul, and Dodo has Cortez’s soul in him. Cortez’s body breaks into pieces and his skull lands on Wario.
Wario: Ow.
Grambi and Luvbi float down to Dodo.
Grambi: Um... Are you okay?
Dodo: JOU WILL NOT ESCAPE!
Grambi rams into Dodo’s stomach and he spits out Cortez’s soul. Luigi runs in and sucks up the soul off of the floor and runs away.
Grambi: Well... that was...
Luvbi: Strange.
Grambi: ... Okay Wario, help me get that skull off of you and back to my place.
Wario: That’ll be-
Grambi: 40 coins, I know.
Back at Grambi’s house...
Grambi: And that’s how I defeated Cortez!
The Skellobit and Dodo finish hanging Cortez’s giant skull above Grambi’s fireplace.
Rebbi: Is any of that true?
Grambi: Well... Dodo was able to remove the soul from Cortez’s skeleton... But I beat the soul out of Dodo! ... Then Luigi got rid of it, but I did the important part!
Rebbi: ...
Grambi: Well fine, it was a team effort.
Rebbi: Whatevz.
Grambi: Say, why are you completely better?
Rebbi: Turns out all I needed was a nap. And as a part of our wager, you were the one to defeat Cortez instead of me so here’s 120 coins.
Grambi: Thanks.
Grambi hands the money to Wario.
Wario: Wahaha!
Rebbi leaves. Luvbi hands him 120 coins.
Luvbi: There. Now Cortez is gone, Dad feels better, and you “convinced” him to go kill Cortez.
Rebbi: I didn’t want to, but this money was just too good to pass up.
Rebbi leaves. Grambi, Wario, and Dodo leave the house.
Grambi: Luvbi, what are you doing outside at this time of night?
Luvbi: Uhh... Well...
The Koopa Cruiser lands in the middle of town.
Popple: Hey guys, we just picked up Vivian and the others and killed all the dragons that we could. Are you done now?
Grambi: Yeah, we’ll get on the ship...
The four get onto the ship and it flies away.