The Mole: Mushroom Kingdom

By abcd

Last Time on The Mole: Mushroom Kingdom:
The group had been cut in half since the beginning of the show. First Mario, the hero, bit the dust. Then Wendy, the spoiled brat, wasn’t smart enough to move on. Grodus, the intellect machine, was eliminated third. Fourth was O’Chunks, a brute. And fifth was Daisy, a fairly well-rounded player who had made little to no mistakes. Finally Iggy, a villain who had a change of heart, became the Mole’s latest victim. In total, the group received 60,000 out of a possible 120,000 coins that day. They now have 260,000 out of a possible 575,000 coins. The final elimination is tonight. Who will it be? And who is the Mole?

*Room 3, after elimination*
DK: Ooh, Shy Guy! A letter for DK and Shy Guy!

Shy Guy: What does it say?

DK: It says one of us needs to move back to Room 4.

Shy Guy: I’ll go. I kind of want the nostalgic feeling.

DK: Before Shy Guy go, DK want to ask question.

Shy Guy: Umm… Shoot.

DK: What happen to Mr. Wiggles?

Shy Guy: Luigi… took him.

DK: Why you no go crazy?

Shy Guy: Well… I had to stay sane to stay in the game. I gotta go now.

DK: Ok. DK see you tomorrow.

Shy Guy: See you later, DK.

*Personal Journals*
Peach: Well. The final four. Who would ever have thought that the princess that wasn’t supposed to be on the show would get this far? Certainly not me. Sometimes I wonder how things are going in my kingdom. When Daisy was here, it felt ok to shirk my responsibilities because she was here too. Now I begin to think about it more and more. Should I really be there? The truth is, I really don’t need the money. But I am here anyways. Is the money worth it? Should I give up the money if I win? But who would I give it to? Not Mario, he doesn’t care about money. And not Wendy, Iggy or Ludwig, they’re Bowser’s children. Grodus, Shy Guy and O’Chunks are evil, so I don’t want them to have it. DK doesn’t need it, he lives in the jungle. And Daisy’s fine without money, she has enough too. This is going to take a lot of thinking. If I could kick one person off the show, it would easily be Shy Guy. His attachment to the teddy bear seems odd, and he’s nothing special in the challenges. He’s kind of lay low- too low for my liking.

Ludwig: This will probably be the last time I write in this journal. It’s funny, three days ago, I wrote how Iggy was the only thing keeping me sane. Ha! Iggy, keeping me sane? He’s so insane that, well, it’s kind of comical. But I do really feel bad for him and Wendy. I guess that I feel bad for Iggy and Wendy, they’ve already lost their chance at the coins. And I feel really bad for Morton. He didn’t even get to be on the show before he was kicked off. Honestly, I think that I may need this money as much as, if not more than, everyone else here. Bowser’s going to shun me when he finds out that I have had an affair with, well, Karma. She’s not even a full Koopa, but I love her anyway. This money that I could win might be enough to sustain us for the rest of our lives. Love you, Karma! Hugs and Kisses! If there was one person I could kick off the show right now, I would pick the brute who calls himself Donkey Kong. He truly has no appreciation for the arts! And he seems to be such a dumb person! He’s cost us so much money on dumb mistakes! I wouldn’t be surprised if he were the Mole. But if he’s not, I’ve got nothing to worry about.

DK: Wow! DK make it to final four! You know, DK been playing dumb this whole game, and DK think it’s worked. If DK no win, DK no know who will. If DK could kick one person off the show, it be Peach. Peach so bad at challenges, it’s not funny. Lots of money right there. Maybe she’s the Mole, that’s how bad she is. Shy Guy seems smart enough that he may be pretending to be dumb as well. And he no tell DK why he no have Mr. Wiggles… that a little bit suspicious. And Ludwig, maybe he’s Mole- Ludwig seem very smart, just smart enough to play an under-the-radar game, then POW! He seems sneaky, that little Koopaling. Then again, Peach perfect Mole suspect. Peach not supposed to be on show initially, but then BAM! Peach on show because Luigi make her. Looked a bit rehearsed. And maybe even DK is Mole. Hee-hee-hee!

Shy Guy: I’ve gotta win the money! As I’ve been on this show, I’ve learned more and more how much I need my family. It would all seem so worthless if I got this far only to disappoint. And there’s a big-ticket item that I’ve got on my radar- I’m thinking that after the show, I’m going to propose to Mary! Let’s see, if there were one person I could kick off the show right now, it’d be Ludwig. He seems to be too much of a threat. Is he the Mole? If he is, he’s done a good job. If not, he’s a prime contender to win the game.

*Room 1, next day*
Beep Beep Beep Beep

Peach: It’s… 9:00. And there’s a note today. This note-in-the-room thing is getting really old…

*Room 2*
Beep Beep Beep Beep
Ludwig: Another day, another large pile of coins! It’s 9:01, I’m ready to win some coins! But what’s this note?

*Room 3*
Beep Beep Beep Beep
DK: It DK time to shine! Final four, here DK come! Note?

*Room 4*
Shy Guy: Ahh… The last elimination day. I hope I get to stay! And here’s another note, what does it say?

Note: You four contestants have reached the final four. How many coins will one of you win? Who knows? But you’ll find more out today. Come to the lobby immediately.

Luigi: Well, this wasn’t a coin-related challenge (unlike other previous challenges). I just wanted you all in the lobby for your first challenge of your second-to-last day. Tomorrow, one of you will leave here a lot richer.

DK: DK ready for smackdown!

Luigi: And a smackdown you will have today! Not literally, but in a videogame. You will compete for money. Let’s bring in Wario and Waluigi!

Waluigi: Waluigi Number One!

Wario: I’m-a gonna win!

Luigi: Here’s how it will work. You four will battle each other on Super Smash Bros. Brawl in a randomly-selected two-on-two battle. You’ll each have one stock. Then the winning team will face off against Wario and Waluigi. If you win, you’ll get 60,000 coins! We’ll draw for teams out of my hat. Ladies first, Peach. Then DK, then Shy Guy. Ludwig will go last.

Peach: … Green team!

DK: … Red team!

Shy Guy: … I’m red team too!

Luigi: And that means Ludwig is on the green team with Peach.

Choose your character!

DK: DK pick DK!

Ludwig: This is a more difficult choice. I shall select Ness for his telekinetic abilities.

Peach: Hmm… I’ve never played before, so I’ll go with myself.

Shy Guy: You guys are n00bs! Sorry, I’ve been spending too much time with Sergeant Guy. I’ll take Snake.

Luigi: You’ll fight on Hyrule Temple. Go!

DK immediately goes to fight Ness (Ludwig). Snake (Shy Guy) follows.

Ludwig: Peach, help me!

Peach: Up is jump…

Ness (Ludwig) is taking a lot of damage. He’s up to 70% right now, while DK is at 11% and Shy Guy is at 22%.

Peach: Sideways and B is

Peach (in-game sprite): Huh-Cha!

Peach’s attack makes contact with Snake (Shy Guy).

Ludwig: Ha-ha! Now I’ve got you, simian!

Ness (Ludwig): PK fire! PK fire! PK fire!

DK (out of game): Ludwig! That no fair!

Peach (in game): Hu-Cha!

Snake (Shy Guy) is up to 80% with Snake (Shy Guy) at 39%.

Ness (Ludwig): PK thunder!

Ness (Ludwig) uses PK thunder to smash into DK, sending him off.

DK: NO! DK lose!

Shy Guy: Drat… DK is a nuisance… I’ll take out Peach...

Shy Guy sees a Smash Ball float onto the screen. Unfortunately for him, so does Ludwig.

Ness (Ludwig): PK thunder!

As the thunder makes contact with the Smash Ball, Snake (Shy Guy) moves closer. He gets his Final Smash, and uses it.

Peach: What is this? What do I do?!

Ludwig: Just avoid the strikes!

Peach: What?!

Snake (Shy Guy) repeatedly shoots Peach with his gun. Peach is now at 105%.

Shy Guy: No! I’m out of shots!

Snake (Shy Guy) returns to the battlefield. He plants a mine, which detonates once Peach walks over it. Peach flies into the air, and returns to meet a guided missile. Peach is eliminated.

Shy Guy: N00b!

Ludwig: Hmph. It’s my time to shine.

Ness (Ludwig) begins to pummel Snake (Shy Guy) with his baseball bat until both are at 70%. Then they begin to exchange blows, and both are at 102%. Snake (Shy Guy) uses a guided missile, which Ness (Ludwig) dodges…And Snake (Shy Guy) fails to have the missile hit the ground, so he is defenseless as Ness (Ludwig) charges up and hits him with the baseball bat off the screen. Meanwhile, the guided missile hits Ness (Ludwig), and both are leaving the screen at the same time…

This game’s winner is…


Peach: Woohoo!

Ludwig: Yeah! That’s what I’m talking about.

Shy Guy: I’m such a n00b…

DK: DK n00b too…

Luigi: One last thing: the match with Wario and Waluigi will be a sudden-death match.

Ludwig: I’m sticking with Ness.

Peach: I’ll stay with Peach.

Wario: Wario pick Bowser!

Waluigi: Waluigi take Luigi! And we’re Blue team!


Ness (Ludwig) picks up a landmine and throws it at Bowser. Bowser dodges, and Ness (Ludwig) pursues him, only to step on his own landmine.

Ludwig: No!!

Ness (Ludwig) is eliminated.

Waluigi: Time for the Green Missile! No, wrong way!

Waluigi shoots himself off the screen, losing Luigi’s life.

Waluigi: Drat!

Peach: Let’s go with the move that’s always worked for me…

Peach (in game): Huh-Cha!

Peach: Argh! Off-screen again!

Wario: And now for the finisher!

Bowser attempts to flatten Peach with a ground pound, but the real Peach button-mashes and accidentally presses the Up-B combo. Bowser falls off-screen before Peach does.

This game’s winner is…


Luigi: And you guys have won the 60,000 coin prize!

Shy Guy: Yeah, we’re pretty lucky that they’re n00bs too.

Luigi: And one of you will be lucky again.

DK: What?

Luigi: Yes, you four will now face off against each other for an exemption at the final elimination quiz! This battle will be held at Final Destination.

Ludwig: Interesting. Ness has worked out fairly well for me, so I’ll stick with him.

Peach: I haven’t lost yet, so Peach should work.

DK: DK like DK, so DK be DK.

Shy Guy: I guess it’s time to break out the tier list. Haha, n00bs! I’m Meta Knight!

3… 2… 1… Go!

Ness (Ludwig) sends a PK thunder at DK, putting him at 10%. Peach then attempts to do her signature move against Meta Knight (Shy Guy), but he dodges and repeatedly strikes her with his sword, putting her at 25%. DK then pounds the ground, sending Ness (Ludwig) into the air. Ness (Ludwig) falls to the ground and kicks Meta Knight (Shy Guy). Meta Knight (Shy Guy) does a tornado spin, damaging Peach and DK. DK charges up a punch, only to be stopped by Peach doing the Huh-Cha! move. DK, being at 80%, strikes Ness (Ludwig), putting him at 50%. Meta Knight (Shy Guy) repeatedly slashes Peach with his sword and then corkscrews through all three opponents. Ness (Ludwig) then uses his baseball bat to knock DK off-screen.

Peach: Ludwig, let’s team up on Shy Guy!

Ludwig: I’d be happy to.

Shy Guy: No fair!

Meta Knight (Shy Guy) begins striking Ness (Ludwig) with his sword repeatedly. Peach, only knowing one move, does that to Meta Knight (Shy Guy). Meta Knight (Shy Guy) then charges up a sword strike strong enough to knock Ness (Ludwig) off the screen.

Peach: You have only 25% damage?

Shy Guy: And you have 80%. This is in the bag.

Peach attempts to attack Meta Knight (Shy Guy), who dodges, charges up a sword strike, and knocks Peach off the screen.

This game’s winner is…


Luigi: And Shy Guy will be moving on to the final three! Now, on to the second challenge of the day. This will be more of an individual challenge. Each person will be given a different logic problem. That puzzle will spell out a four-number sequence. That sequence will be the last four digits of a phone number that begins with 555. Each one of you will be given a cell phone, a brand new Kooparola 3000. You have an hour to reach the place that answers the phone. Each person that wins gets the team 35,000 coins. Ready? Go!

DK: DK no know how use phone!

Peach: Just press the buttons with the numbers on them to put in the phone number. When you’re done, press the green button, and you’ll begin calling. Put that part on your ear, and that part by your mouth. Let’s look at the logic problems.

DK: First we should write down phone numbers of friends.

Peach: Ok.

Ludwig: This one says “hardest”. I’ll take it.

Peach: This one says “medium”. That sounds good for me.

Shy Guy: I’ll take the medium-difficult one.

DK: Yay! DK get last one.

DK: DK envelope say no open until everyone leaves.

DK (to everyone): Leave! DK no can open envelope until you leave!

Ludwig: We’ll leave when we’ve figured out our addresses.

DK: Hmph.

The first digit is one ninth of nine squared.
The second digit is the length of the hypotenuse of a right triangle whose sides are three and four.
The third digit is the average of the first two.
The last digit is 3.

Peach: 9 squared is 81, divided by nine is 9…In math I learned about the Pythagorean theorem… the second digit is five. The third digit is seven… and the fourth digit is 3! It’s 555-9573.

*Shy Guy*
The first digit is the number of “I’s” in this sentence.
The second digit is eight.
The third digit is a square number other than nine, four, or one.
The last digit is the number exactly in between the second and third digits.

Shy Guy: One… two three four five! Five “I’s”. The second digit is 8. The third digit… what number besides one, four, and nine is a square number? I’ll skip it. The fourth digit… well it means that the third number must be even, because the average of the second and third is a whole number… It can’t be 4, so it’s either 2,6, 8, or 0. Wait! 0 times 0 is 0! The third digit is eight, and the fourth digit is 4. My number is 555-5804!

The first digit is the last digit of the number eight more than half of the square root of sixty-four.
The second digit is thrice the first digit in the phone number.
The third digit is the same as the number of numbers that, when squared, equal one.
The fourth digit is the sum of the previous three.
Ludwig: Uhh… That’s a difficult problem… So… half the square root of sixty-four is four…plus eight is twelve… the first digit is two! Two times three is six, so the second digit is six. And one squared is one, so the third digit is one. Two plus six plus one is nine. My number is 2619! Let’s go!

DK: They all gone now. Clue says:

Your number is the first digit in all the other numbers in succession. First the hardest, then medium-hard, then medium, then the number 6.

DK: Now I have to call them…



Toad on other line: “Hello?”

Ludwig: I’m in The Mole: Mushroom Kingdom. Am I supposed to call you?

Toad: No…

Ludwig: Drat! Gotta rethink numbers…


Goomba on other line: Hello?

Peach: I’m on The Mole: Mushroom Kingdom. Am I supposed to call you?

Goomba: Yep. Go to 871 Toad Avenue, and ring the doorbell.

*Shy Guy*
Ring… Ring… Ring… Ring

Boo on other line: Who is this?

Shy Guy: It’s Shy Guy. I’m on The Mole: Mushroom Kingdom. Am I supposed to be calling you?

Boo: Sorry, but no.

Shy Guy: Which one is wrong?

Ring… Ring… Ring… Ring

Ludwig: DK?

DK: Yes, it DK. What first number in your phone number?

Ludwig: Well, I’m not sure right now, but I think it’s two.

DK: Bye.

Ring… Ring… Ring…Ring

Peach: Hello?

DK: It DK. What’s first number in your sequence?

Peach: It’s 9.

DK: Ok.

Ring… Ring… Ring… Ring

DK: Shy Guy! What first number in sequence?

Shy Guy: I think it’s five.

Ludwig: Ah-ha! One squared is one, but so is negative one squared! The third number is two!

Ring… Ring… Ring… Ring

Bob-omb on other line: Hello?

Ludwig: Is someone from The Mole supposed to call you?

Bob-omb: Yep. Come to 338 Bowser Street, and I’ll give you the money.

Peach: Ah… I’m here. Goomba?

Goomba: Yep, it’s me. You’ve won the challenge!

*Shy Guy*
Shy Guy: Let’s see… Oh wow. There were 6 “I’s” in the sentence. That’s it. But first I should call DK.

Ring… Ring… Ring… Ring

DK: Hello?

Shy Guy: It’s Shy Guy. My first number was 6, not five.

DK: Ok, thanks.

Shy Guy: Bye.

Ring… Ring… Ring… Ring

Monty Mole on other line: Hello?

Shy Guy: Am I supposed to be calling you?

Monty Mole: Yeah. Meet me at 110 Koopa Boulevard.

Ring… Ring… Ring…Ring

Ukiki on other line: Hello?

DK: Am I supposed to call you from the Mole?

Ukiki: No…

Ludwig: Hello? I’m at 338 Bowser Street.

Bob-omb: Yeah, you got me. You win the challenge.

Ludwig: Cool. How much time left?

Bob-omb: Ten minutes.

*Shy Guy*
Monty Mole: You’re here.

Shy Guy: Uh-huh. Do I win?

Monty Mole: Yes, you’ve won the coins.

DK: What’s wrong… Let me re-read clue… OH NO! It said first number in phone number, not first found out digit! My number is 555-5556!

Ring… Ring… Ring… Ring

Yoshi on other line: Hello?

DK: It DK from Mole. I supposed to call you?

Yoshi: Yeah. Come to 144 Yo’ster Road.

At 144 Yo’ster Road…

DK: DK here!

Yoshi: DK here, but not on time. You minute late.

DK: Darn!

*Back at the lobby*
Luigi: I understand that some of you may have had some problems with your digits. Ludwig?

Ludwig: I forgot that negative one squared is also one, and that tripped me up, but I got back on track by the end.

Luigi: Peach, good job being the only one with a smooth finish without problems.

Peach: Thanks. Though had I had Ludwig’s problem, I may have had some miscues as well.

Luigi: Would you care to elaborate on your shortcomings, Shy Guy?

Shy Guy: Is that a short joke?

Luigi: … Sure.

Shy Guy: Oh well. I miscounted the number of “I’s” in the sentence.

Luigi: And DK?

DK: I didn’t realize that the first digits in all of their phone numbers was five.

Luigi: Aaand it’s quiz time!

Question One: Has the Mole taken an exemption yet?
DK: Yes
Ludwig: No
Peach: Yes

Question Two: How many roommates has the Mole had?
DK: Two
Ludwig: One
Peach: Two

Question Three: Did the Mole have a “5” as one of the digits they found out?
DK: No
Ludwig: Yes
Peach: No

Question Four: Did the Mole ever win a game of Super Smash Bros?
DK: Yes
Ludwig: Yes
Peach: No

Question Five: Did the Mole have a relative compete on the show?
DK: Yes
Ludwig: No
Peach: No

Question Six: What is the Mole’s current room number?
DK: 2
Ludwig: 4
Peach: 3

Question Seven: Is the Mole human?
DK: Yes
Ludwig: No
Peach: No

Question Eight: Has the Mole appeared in Mario Baseball?
DK: Yes
Ludwig: Yes
Peach: No

Question Nine: Is the Mole commonly regarded as good or evil?
DK: Good
Ludwig: Evil
Peach: Good

Question Ten: Has the Mole been a boss in a mainstream Mario game?
DK: No
Ludwig: No
Peach: Yes

Question Eleven: Did the Mole succeed in the phone challenge?
DK: Yes
Ludwig: Yes
Peach: No

Question Twelve: Who was the Mole’s partner in the Super Smash Bros. challenge?
Ludwig: Ludwig
Peach: DK

Question Thirteen: How many calls to non-contestants did the Mole make in the phone challenge?
DK: 1
Ludwig: 2
Peach: 3

Question Fourteen: Is the Mole male or female?
DK: Female
Ludwig: Male
Peach: Male

Question Fifteen: Did the Mole arrive on the bus at the beginning of the show?
DK: Yes
Ludwig: No
Peach: Yes

Question Sixteen: Who is the Mole?
DK: ?
Ludwig: ?
Peach: ?

Luigi: And that was a close one! Let’s go in reverse alphabetical order this time!


Luigi: Now, who wants to go next? If it’s green, you move on and the other person goes home. If it’s red, you go home and the other person goes on.

DK: DK go!


Luigi: And here is your final three!

Ludwig, Peach, and Shy Guy have advanced to the final three. Tomorrow, one of them will be revealed as the Mole, one of them will go home a lot richer, and the other will go home a lot sadder. Who will it be?

Read on!

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