Luigi: Hello everyone! Welcome to the next season of The Mole: Mushroom Kingdom. We will be located in Dark Land for today’s game. Let’s introduce the contestants. Each day, the contestants will compete in two challenges. Unfortunately, one of the apparent contestants is actually the mole and will try to sabotage the challenges. The challengers must try to overcome the mole and win each challenge. Each challenge is worth a different amount of coins, the total pot being worth a possible 1 million coins. At the end of the day, each challenger must take a quiz on the identity of the mole. The lowest scorer will be eliminated.
Ten emerge from a bus.
First, Mario walks out. “It’s a-me, Mario!” he declares. “All the-a money is-a mine!
Next, Iggy Koopa walks down the stairs. “Uhh… Where am I? What is this game? Aww… Roy put me in another gameshow, didn’t he? Well I quit!”
Luigi: You can’t quit.
Iggy: Why not?
Luigi: Because if you do, then we only have 9 contestants.
Iggy: Fine, I’ll play, but only if you tell me what we’re doing.
Luigi: We’re playing The Mole: Mushroom Kingdom!
Iggy: Oh, I think I’ve seen this show before. Fine, I’ll stay.
Luigi: We’ve spent too much time with you. On to our next contestant.
O’Chunks clambers out of the bus. “Whoever’s the Mole, he’s gonna get CHUNKED!”
Mario, Luigi, and Iggy look at him oddly.
After this, Morton energetically runs
out of the bus, and says, “YouguysbetterbescaredofmebecauseI’mgonnawinTheMoleandthenI’mgonnagetthe
Luigi: Umm… Moving on…
Just then, the bus begins to shake. Donkey Kong jumps off of the top of the bus and yells, “DK play! DK win!”
Luigi: No! You can’t play! We need 10, not 11!
DK: That make DK mad!
Donkey Kong picks Morton up and throws him way off in the distance.
Luigi: Uhh… Since he’s nowhere to be found, you can play.
Donkey Kong: Yaaay!
Luigi: But first I’ll need to talk to you.
They go and talk quietly about 100 yards away, so the others can’t hear… Then Luigi and DK return.
Luigi: Ok, four down, six to go. Who’s next?
Toad hops down.
Toad: Peach sends her condolences, but she can’t be here, so I’ll take her place. Ok?
Luigi: But we need Peach here!
Toad: But she can’—
Toad never finishes his sentence because Luigi uses a warp pipe to teleport Peach to the game while sending Toad away.
Luigi: You entered this contest, you must play, Peach.
Peach: Uggh. Fine. Toad, tell Toadsworth he’s in charge until I get back.
Luigi: Contestant 6!
Grodus walks out of the bus. “Hello everyone. I am Grodus, and I will be winning this game. My computers indicate a 77% chance of victory.”
Luigi: Moving on. The next contestant is another one of Bowser’s children, his only daughter, Wendy!
Wendy walks out of the bus and comments, “Wow Luigi. I would have thought you could have given me a better introduction. But I guess not. I guess you’re just a sub-par announcer.”
Luigi: I am not sub-par! It’s my time to shine! Speaking of shining, this next contestant… she shines.
Daisy steps out and yells, “HI! I’M DAISY!”
Luigi: Hi, Daisy. I’m Luigi. How are you doing?
Daisy: I’m doing just fine. The money is mine!
Luigi: Now, the penultimate contestant. Another child of Bowser!
Ludwig walks out of the bus. “Greetings, Luigi, contestants, and siblings. I do plan on emerging from this contest victoriously. And Luigi, nice vocabulary. Penultimate. I must use that word more.”
And now, our final contestant, the one who’s gonna shock you all, the one you’ve been waiting for! None of the contestants saw this guy on the bus because we stuffed him under a seat!
A Shy Guy hops down the stairs of the bus. “Hello.”
He gets no response.
Mario: We were hoping for someone surprising. And we got that guy.
All other contestants: Yeah. We’re a little disappointed.
Ok., those are our contestants!
“It’s a-me! Mario!”
“It’s the middle child’s time to shine!”
Blue and White (Scotland’s colors)
“Don’t call me Roger, or I’ll CHUNK you!”
Yellow and Brown (Bananas and Monkeys!)
“Of course I’ll win! Or I’ll tax the winner mercilessly! Hahaha!”
December 2 (date constructed)
Gray and Black
“My victory is assured!”
Wendy O. Koopa
Black and Pink
“I can buy lots of jewelry and candy if I win!”
“HI! I’M DAISY!”
Ludwig von Koopa
“Superior intellect is the equivalent of victory!”
Red and Black
Luigi: Ok, for our first contest, we will be bringing in our first guest stars, the Wario Bros!
Wario and Waluigi walk out from behind a random bush.
Luigi: The teams may fight each other and move as quickly as possible to one of two balance beams 100 feet away from a platform. Once your entire team reaches the platform, you may jump off of the platform and begin the one-story high plunge into a 20-foot-deep swimming pool. The first team to have all their people in the water wins. This contest is worth 20,000 coins. If any player falls off of the balance beam, he or she must return to the start of the beam. On your marks… get set… go!
Mario and O’Chunks both immediately tackle Wario and pin him down. DK picks up Waluigi and tosses him 25 yards back. Then the team runs to the balance beam, with DK in front, followed by Peach, Iggy, Daisy, Ludwig, Shy Guy, Wendy, Mario, O’Chunks, and Grodus. About 50 yards away from the goal, Shy Guy falls off. Meanwhile, the Wario Bros. have just begun the balance beam. Shy Guy reaches the 50-yard mark while Grodus is at 25. The Wario Bros. are moving steadily at the 50-yard mark. DK suddenly puts on a burst of speed and reaches the platform first. The team up to Grodus follows him, and with 10 yards to go, DK jumps into the water.
Luigi: DK is in the water! But it doesn’t count because Shy Guy didn’t reach the platform. He must restart.
Peach (stopping): Ugh… Let’s give up.
Iggy: No! Wario or Waluigi might fall off!
The team continues. Peach and the rest of the group wait on the platform. Shy Guy and Wario are neck and neck with ten yards to go, until Shy Guy runs quickly and passes the Bros. DK reaches the 30-yard mark when the Wario Bros. reach the platform and jump into the water.
Luigi: The Wario Bros. have finished first! 20,000 coins have been lost. You will be living in a hotel near here. Here are your room assignments:
Room 1: Peach and Daisy
Room 2: Ludwig and Grodus
Room 3: DK and O’Chunks
Room 4: Mario and Shy Guy
Room 5: Iggy and Wendy
Everyone goes back to their rooms.
Peach, Iggy, Mario, DK, and Grodus: Wait, there’s a letter.
Meet me in the Lobby.
Ten minutes later, the contestants are in the lobby.
Luigi: Pick one person who knows everyone else best.
Iggy and Wendy: Ludwig!
Ludwig: I nominate Shy Guy.
Grodus: Gack-ack! I suggest that my computers would come in handy.
Shy Guy: Me!
DK: Shy Guy!
Mario, Peach, Daisy, O’Chunks: Not Shy Guy! Grodus!
Luigi: It looks like Grodus. The rest of you must pick one piece of your luggage by which Grodus could easily identify you. If he correctly matches each person with their item, then he wins an exemption from tonight’s elimination. Additionally, 50,000 coins will be added to the pot. Grodus, please leave, and each person will write down their item.
Mario: Hmm… Let’s see… I have a 1-Up Mushroom, and… a Super Mushroom. I choose 1-Up.
O’Chunks: My Scottish flag! He must be able to determine that that’s mine!
Peach: Umm… My crown! Of course he’ll be able to identify that!
Shy Guy: Well, the only thing I brought is my teddy bear, Mr. Wiggles. Hopefully Grodus thinks that I’m a wimp who still sleeps with a teddy bear… I can’t believe I just said that! Sorry Mr. Wiggles, that’s not an insult.
Daisy: Umm… Grodus should be able to tell that a princess carries a crown at all times!
Iggy: So, my glasses don’t count as luggage…Then my magic wand is the next best thing!
Ludwig: My most identifiable trait is my inventiveness. A toast-powered toaster should do the trick!
Wendy: Sir Grodus should know that I’m the only one here who’s looked in a mirror. (Yay I rhymed!)
Luigi: Ok, I’ll bring Grodus the items. Grodus, you have five minutes to put each person’s item in their labeled suitcases.
Grodus: Let’s see: I have:
A Scottish flag
A crown… Wait? Two crowns?
A 1-Up Mushroom
A toast-powered toaster
Grodus: I should start with the easy stuff. The flag is O’Chunks’, the mirror is Wendy’s. And… I’ll put this crown in Peach’s, and this one in Daisy’s. DK obviously has the bananas.
Luigi: Two minutes left!
Grodus: Now, I have three items left for Ludwig, Iggy, and Shy Guy: a teddy bear, a toast-powered toaster, and a wand. Iggy’s a wimp, so he probably brought ? Shy Guy is dumb, so he probably decided to bring a ?. And Ludwig would have ?. Done!
Luigi: Time’s up! Let’s give the bags back. Everyone, open up your suitcases.
Mario: Yes! 1-Up!
Peach: A crown… but is it mine?
Daisy: *groan…* You picked a crown too?
Peach: Yes, it is mine!
Daisy: Mine is mine as well!
DK: And I have bananas!
Wendy: And this is my mirror.
Ludwig: Iggy’s wand? Darn.
Iggy: Really? You thought I had a teddy bear, Grodus? I’m disappointed in you!
Shy Guy: GIVE ME MR. WIGGLES! What’s this toaster doing…?
Everyone looks at Shy Guy.
Luigi: Well, it looks like no money or exemption. Go back to your rooms, it will be time to vote at 8.
Grodus: I have my suspicions about Shy Guy. He didn’t make it to the platform in time, and he brought a teddy bear. Who brings a teddy bear?
Shy Guy: I think it’s Daisy! She picked a crown, which she probably knew Peach would pick.
DK: I HAVE BANANAS! But I’m not so sure about Peach. She is so calm and reserved, and that makes her the perfect Mole. And she picked a crown, an item that Daisy would probably also bring.
Peach: DK jumped off the platform early. He’s probably the Mole.
Daisy: I suspect Grodus. He gave Shy Guy a toaster and Iggy a teddy bear.
Luigi: Quiz Time! Let’s begin.
Question One: In which month was
the Mole born?
Shy Guy: January
Question Two: How many favorite
colors does the Mole have?
Shy Guy: One
Question Three: Did the Mole have
to restart the challenge against Wario and Waluigi?
Shy Guy: No
Question Four: In their personal
quotation, did the Mole refer to themselves?
Shy Guy: Yes
Question Five: Did the Mole receive
an incorrect item in the suitcase challenge?
Shy Guy: No
Question Six: Did the Mole read
Luigi’s first letter?
Shy Guy: No
Question Seven: Who is the Mole?
Shy Guy: ?
Luigi: Time’s up! I will begin in alphabetical order by displaying a person’s name on the screen I have here. If that person has the lowest score on the quiz, their name will flash red after three seconds. If the person did not score lowest, their name will flash green. Daisy, you start.
Everyone stared in shock. Mario is the star! He was supposed to win the game.
Luigi: Mario, it’s time to go. You were the lowest scorer. Please leave.
Author’s Note: Special thanks to Badyoyo for the idea.
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