This story starts in Giant Land. The sun is shining, the birds are flying. The Giant Koopa Troopas are eating said birds. The camera goes up to Iggy's Castle. Iggy is looking out the window, rather bored.
Iggy: *sigh* DAD, when's something going to happen around here? Every day is the same.
Suddenly a Giant Goomba starts ramming the castle. Iggy ducks down in fear. The Giant Goomba walks away, seeing that his plan of attack does not do anything to the castle's exterior.
Giant Goomba: One day, Iggy! One day I'll takeover your castle!
Iggy: I'll probably be seeing him again in a week. I swear, that Goomba attacks my castle more than King Dad attacks Peach's... I wonder what Lemmy's up to. We usually find fun things to do.
Iggy walks up a teleporter, presses some buttons, and is teleported out of the castle. He appears in Lemmy's Castle. He hears some smashing from downstairs. He runs down the steps into the living room to see Bowser smashing furniture. Kamek is caught under a couch. Iggy pulls Kamek out.
Iggy: Dad! King Dad! Stop! What are you doing?!
Bowser: Those stupid Shroobs came here and kidnapped Lemmy!
Kamek: Your father sent every troop he had after them. However they had some sort of teleporter with them and got away.
Bowser: All they left behind was some piece of paper with some gibberish on it!
Bowser rips up the paper. Iggy notices something on the shreds. He pieces them back together.
Iggy: Wait! This is Shroob language! Kamek, can't you read this?
Kamek: Well, I'm a bit rusty on translating Shroob, but I think it says "Dear Lord Bowser; We have kidnapped Prince Lemmy Koopa. With our new technology you cannot stop us. We will not bring him back unless you bring us all the money in the Koopa Family Vault. You will bring it to Princess Peach’s Castle, along with a Koopa Troopa you will sacrifice to the Shroobs. If you do not do so, Lemmy will be ours forever; we will torture him into telling us the Koopa Troop's biggest weak spots. Soon you will be helpless against the Shroobs unless you pay our ransom. Sincerely, The Shroob King”
Bowser: WHAT?!
Iggy: I don't see why you're so worried. The Shroobs are easy to defeat! I must've beaten them in Mario and Luigi Partners in Time about a dozen times!
Bowser glares at his son.
Bowser: Well if you're so sure that you can take them out, why don't you go re-kidnap Lemmy?!
Iggy: What?! No! Why don't you make Ludwig do it? He's smart enough to figure out where Lemmy is!
Bowser: You are always talking about how you're bored! So saving the brother you love most should make you... uh... unboredish... JUST GO AND FIND HIM!
Iggy: But where do I start?!
Bowser: FIGURE IT OUT FOR YOURSELF! OUT OF MY CASTLE!
Iggy: It's Lemmy's Castle!
Bowser: DO YOU HONESTLY THINK I CARE RIGHT NOW?!
Iggy flees in terror, Kamek follows.
Iggy: Now what am I going to do, Kamek? I have no idea where I'm going to find Lemmy, he could be anywhere in the universe!
Kamek: ... I think I know a way to find Lemmy.
Iggy: What?
Kamek: Well, when I was a boy-
Iggy: Here we go again…
Kamek: Be quiet! I'll make it short this time! When I was a boy, every night before I went to sleep, my father told me a story. It was about a brave Magikoopa who searched the land for seven sapphire charms. Each of them represent something that truly makes a man: Wit, Strength, Courage, Luck, Independence, Leadership, and Passion. When put together the sapphire charms form a necklace. When the necklace is worn, it transports you to the place you most want to be. However, when it teleports you there, the charms break off and go back all over Plit, and sometimes out of its atmosphere.
Iggy: And what makes you think these stupid charms actually exist? There are seven stars that form Star Road, seven Star Spirits, seven Crystal Stars, seven magic wands, seven friends of Yoshi. There are a lot of sevens on Plit, Kamek. What makes your think there's going to be ANOTHER seven?
Kamek: I never did think the tale was true... until I saw this while cleaning Roy's room.
Kamek takes off his hat and reaches into it. He pulls out a sapphire four leaf clover.
Iggy: Is that…?
Kamek: Yes Iggy, it's the Sapphire Charm of Luck. Looks like it lives up to its name. Take it, if it exists the others are probably still on Plit.
Iggy takes it.
Iggy: But how am I going to find the rest of them?
Kamek: Do I look like that guy who can read a magical map and tell you where to go?
Suddenly the Charm of Luck starts glowing. It shows Mario running and jumping.
Iggy: Huh?
Kamek: It must be showing you a clue to where you must find the next charm... Try Toad Town, that's where Mario lives.
Iggy: Is the charm there?
Kamek: How should I know? Look, go find Toad Town. I'll keep Lord Bowser from destroying the place.
Iggy: Got it.
Iggy makes a teleport to a secret underground pathway under Peach's Castle. Bowser used this to create his castle under Peach's in Paper Mario. Iggy crawls through it and pops out in Peach's bathroom's toilet.
Iggy: EW! Toilet water!
Iggy pulls himself out and walks into Peach's bedroom. It's a lot more purplish than he’d thought. He spots a princessy figure on the balcony. He walks over to it.
Iggy: Hey Peach, what's with all the purple stuff?
The figure turns around to reveal herself as Princess Shroob.
Princess Shroob: %*($%$!
Iggy: EEK!
Princess Shroob: &$#$*#$&#!
Some Shroob ships fly to the balcony.
Princess Shroob: *%#$%$*!
The Shroob ships begin firing. Iggy barely dodges them.
Iggy: WAAAH! KING DAD, WHERE ARE YOU?!
Princess Shroob: *$%($#*($&#(!
A Shroob ship accidentally hits Princess Shroob in the back. She falls over.
Princess Shroob: *$%#(#$&!
Princess Shroob pulls a gun out of her dress. She presses the trigger and the Shroob ships blow up.
Princess Shroob: *($&#$*#$!
Iggy: SOMEBODY HELP ME!
Suddenly a Toad pops out of the closet and hits Princess Shroob with a golf club. She staggers backwards to the edge of the balcony.
Princess Shroob: %$($&*(#&*(#$!
The Toad pulls out a frying pan and hits Princess Shroob with it. She falls over the railing.
Princess Shroob: &$#*$&*$##&*
THUD!
Toad: It's okay. You can come out now.
Iggy's head pops out from under the bed.
Iggy: Is she gone?
Toad: Yep. If Shroobs have backbones then I'm sure I just broke Princess Shroob's.
Iggy: *Phew*
Toad: Now, it's time I took you out.
Iggy: NO! PLEASE DON'T KILL ME! I'm trying to save my brother from the Shroob King! I'll do anything for you! Just don't kill me!
Toad: The Shroob King? He kidnapped Princess Peach! We share a common enemy. I'll make you an ally for now. My name is Clam T. One of the few Toads that doesn't have a pun as a name.
Iggy: So... why were you in the closet?
Clam T: I am Princess Peach's personal bodyguard. I'm the Toad she always uses in Smash Brothers. I guard her and I give her weapons like the frying pan and the golf club. When the Shroob King came in, his forces captured Princess Peach and teleported away. Princess Shroob came in and took her place. I hid in the closet after Princess Peach was taken away;I had to wait for the perfect moment to strike.
Iggy: Ok, I need to find some sapphire charms. Do you know where I could find one?
Clam T tries to think.
Clam T: ... Yeah, the princess found one in the garden. She thought it was an earring. She couldn't find the other one so she gave it to Mario. That could be it.
Iggy: Sounds like what we would need.
Clam T: Mario should be at his place. However, the pathway there is filled with Shroobs.
Iggy: Aw come on! This isn't fair!
Clam T: Come on! I have a plan!
Iggy: What?
Clam T: Follow me!
Clam T. goes through Peach's makeup. He takes out Peach's eyeliner, and puts it on like it was war paint.
Clam T: All right Pilgrim, We're going to war!
Clam T busts down the door with Iggy following, The Shroobs try to shoot Iggy and Clam T. but Clam T. is very agile and whacks the shots away with his golf club. Any Shroobs that are in the direct path of Clam T. get a golf club to the face. They eventually make their way out of the castle and into the pipe that leads to Mario's House.
Clam T: Quick! Block the pipe so they can't follow us!
Iggy tries lifting a rock, but isn't strong enough.
Clam T: Oh for goodness sakes!
Clam T. picks up the rock and puts it over the pipe.
Clam T: There. Now to get the charm from Mario.
Clam T. knocks on the door. Iggy is too scared to knock on the door of his worst rival. The door flies open, blowing Clam T. all the way back to Iggy. A Shroob-like version of Mario walks out of the door. We'll call him Shroobio
Shroobio: $*(#$&*$#(!
Clam T: Iggy, you've fought Mario before. You take him.
Iggy: I don't want to! If I have to battle Mario to save Lemmy, then no dice! No one is worthy saving if Mario is involved-
Shroobio grabs Iggy by tge throat and tosses him into the wall of Mario's House.
Shroobio: *#$#$&*!
Clam T. hits Shroobio in the back of the head with the golf club. Shroobio turns around and tosses Clam T. to the house. However, Clam T. rolls at the last second to prevent any real damage.
Shroobio: %*($&$(!
Shroobio fires a large amount of fireballs at Iggy. Clam T. pulls Iggy out of the blast. The house is set on fire. Iggy crawls toward some plants, noticing they look familiar.
Shroobio: $*(#$&$*#!
Clam T: FORE!
Clam T. charge toward Shroobio, who grabs the golf club and hurls Clam T. into some bushes.
Shroobio: $#*(#$&#$*!
Shroobio grabs Clam T. and drags him to a stone. Shroobio places Clam T's head on the stone and raises the golf club like it was an axe.
Iggy: Hey Pasta Breath! Cut this cheese!
Iggy pulls out a Bob-omb plant and tosses it to Shroobio. It explodes in Shroobio's face and he falls on his back knocked out. Clam T. regains consciousness.
Clam T: Huh?
Suddenly some purple dust comes out of Shroobio's mouth; it soon disappears. Shroobio slowly turns back in Mario. Clam T. checks his pulse.
Clam T: ... Still alive. Good, Peach would've fired me on the spot if she had figured out I let Iggy Koopa kill Mario.
Iggy: Why are you so afraid of Peach if you can do all that and take care of an entire army of Shroobs?
Clam T: Because… I can't talk to women. If a female human or Toad told me to do something right now. I'd probably do it. I can only speak to women if I have enough momentum to do what I know is right. Like me attacking Princess Shroob. Since I can't stand up to her, Peach treats me like trash all the time.
Iggy: You're scared of girls? Ha! I was never scared of girls... Then again, there was that one time Susan tried hitting on me to make Larry jealous... but that's it!
Clam T. whacks Iggy on the head with the golf club.
Iggy: OW! Then again, being scared of girls is a common flaw in all men.
Clam T: Now let's find that charm!
Iggy and Calm T search around the yard. They can't find anything!
Iggy: This is too hard! Why can't they just tell me where the charm is?
Clam T: I wonder… Kill that Goonie.
Iggy notices a Goonie in the sky. He shoots it down with his wand. Clam T. takes one of its feathers and tickles Mario's nose.
Clam T: If I know Mario, then I should be right.
Mario: Ah...ah...ACHOO!
Mario sneezes and falls back into his unconscious state. Something flies into the bushes. Clam T. runs over and picks it up, it's covered with Mario's snot.
Clam T: EW! Do you have a hankie or something?
Iggy looks at Mario and swipes his hat.
Iggy: Here.
Iggy tosses the hat to Clam T, who wipes the snot off. This reveals a sapphire happy theater mask. It begins glowing and a ball of white starts flying around in the charm.
Iggy: Correct me if I'm wrong. But, I think this is the Sapphire Charm of Wit. I think we should have Kamek examine it.
Clam T: Yep, there's just one little problem.
???: *$(&$*#$#$*&$*!
The rock Clam T. placed on the pipe starts moving. The Shroobs are starting to use their strength to move it.
Iggy: Uh oh.
The rock flies off and Shroobs crawl out. Clam T starts whacking at them as Iggy runs in the bushes. Clam T. fights hard and soon all the Shroobs are defeated.
Clam T: We’re lucky. They sent their weakest minions after us.
Meanwhile in the New Shroob Castle's dungeon level…
Lemmy wakes up in a very tight prison cell. He sees his shell is gone.
Lemmy: YIPES! Where are my clothes?! Where am I?! SOMEBODY!
A large man opens the gate of his cell. He is the Shroob King, however the light is so dim he cannot be seen.
Shroob King: $*#(&$##($#$&*!
He sprays knockout gas onto Lemmy.
Shroob King: #$(&#$*8#!
Lemmy wakes up, now on a table. All his limbs and his tail are bolted to the hard steel table. A walking speaker comes up to him, it has the voice of Stephen Hawking.
Stephen Hawking-Sounding Speaker: Hello Lemmy, I am TOS (Translator of Shroobs). Another TOS will come to your left hand. You will type all the weak spots of the Koopa Troop. If you do, we will put you back in your cell. If you don't we will send electric current through you. This will be very painful. What is your decision?
Another TOS comes up to Lemmy, this time with a keyboard. Lemmy uses his left claws to type on it.
Lemmy (typing): I will never give you idiots any information about Koopa Troop... Send.
The TOS runs to a window with the Shroob King and a Dr. Shroob observing.
TOS: #$&*(#$&*#$^&#$*^$#*!
Shroob King: *#$&*#$#$*!
Lemmy’s eyes go wide as he begins to be shocked.
Meanwhile in Castle Koopa, after some explanation to Lord Bowser as to why there's a Toad in his castle, Kamek looks over the charm.
Kamek: ... Yep, this is definitely the Sapphire Charm of Wit.
Iggy: What's that ball of light flying around in it?
Kamek: I think it's none other than... King Boo!
Iggy jumps back in fear.
Iggy: K-K-K-K-King Boo?
Kamek: Yes Iggy, if you want that charm, you're going to need to battle King Boo for it.
Iggy: ... Uh... You know what? NO! I'm not going to battle the undead just to save Lemmy! You do it!
Kamek: I still need to keep Lord Bowser from going crazy. You're going to need to do it.
Iggy: But I don't want to! I'm scared!
Kamek: Luigi was brave enough to fight him. You don't want to be outmanned by Luigi, do you?
Iggy: Well...
Clam T: Come on, coward!
Iggy begins crying and Clam T. begins dragging him down a warp pipe.