Peach and Luigi's Adventure to Save Mario

By Quirky Quipster

When we last left Peach and Luigi, they had gotten not only the king of Giant Land's wand, but the king of Sky Land's wand as well. Though they easily got the giant king's wand, the sky king's was not as easy with the Koopalings around! After getting into an airship chase with the Koopalings (or at least most of them), our heroes had a little “fist fight” with them on the clouds. Barely winning, the princess and plumber jumped into their hijacked airship and headed for Ice Land, unaware that some passengers that had snuck aboard. What is in store for Peach and Luigi? What is in store for the Koopalings?!

It was about twelve o' clock AM. Bowser was getting worried.

Bowser: Where in the world are my kids, they should have been home hours ago!

Morton, Roy, and Bowser Junior: What are we, swiss cheese?!

Bowser: Of course not, why would I think you were swiss cheese, Bowser Junior?

Morton and Roy: Hey!

Bowser: Hey you, slices of swiss cheese, don't you realize it's late? You’d better go to bed before I make a sandwich out of you!

Morton: All this talk about food is making me hungry!

Roy: You just had a snack two minutes ago!

Morton: Yeah, well, I'm hungry again!

Bowser: Go ahead, have a midnight snack, you two; just get out of my face, this is serious!

Morton and Roy ran off. Bowser Junior looked at his dad.

Bowser Junior: What's wrong?

Bowser: Five of your siblings are missing! It's terrible, I'm looking at the airship tracker and it says another airship has blown up! I hope no one was on it! You know what else is weird?

Bowser Junior: What?

Bowser: Ludwig's airship is heading straight for Ice Land. Why would Ludwig be in Ice Land? I just don't get it! I'm calling that kid up!

Bowser called Ludwig's airship; Luigi, posing as Ludwig, answered.

Luigi: Hello?

Bowser: Ludwig?!

Luigi: Er, yes!

Bowser: What are you doing heading to Ice Land at this hour?!

Luigi: I'm-a, uh, ordering a pizza!

Bowser: Ordering pizza at this hour?! Where are your siblings?

Luigi: They're, uh, somewhere-a.

Bowser: Ludwig von Koopa, you are in so much trouble! You can't keep up with your siblings, you're out ordering pizza in the middle of the night, and you aren't telling me anything about your adventure! You're getting your pipe organ taken away, young Koopa!

Luigi had an evil idea to get Ludwig into even deeper trouble.

Luigi: Oh yeah, old-a Koopa? I-a say you're a plumber, a big-a fat plumber with-a tons of facial hair-a!

Bowser: LUDWIG!!! When you get home, I'm eating your pizza and you won't have any!

Just then, on Ludwig's airship, Ludwig came into the room. He heard the conversation Luigi was having with his father and he didn't like it.

Ludwig (shouting loud enough for Bowser to hear on the other end): YOU SHIP-HIJACKING FREAK, GET OFF OF MY PHONE!!!

Ludwig pushed Luigi and Peach out of the room, grabbing the phone in the process.

Ludwig: That wasn't me!

Bowser: It wasn't?

Ludwig: No, it was Luigi; the cretin hijacked my airship!

Bowser: Luigi, hijack an airship, HA! I suppose the next thing you're going to tell me is he's wearing a fish suit!

Ludwig: Yes, he is!

Bowser: Nice try, Ludwig, but you're still in serious trouble!

Ludwig: Yes, I'm sorry I'm not home at this hour, but really, Luigi has hijacked my airship! I'm barely keeping him out of the room as I speak to you! It's terrible, he's planning to save Mario by stealing all of the kings’ wands and overpowering us! Your plan isn't working, Peach is with him! You have to send someone out to help us! You just have t-

Just then Luigi barged the door down. Bowser heard many things on the other end of the line, which then cut off. Bowser became extremely worried; Ludwig had to be telling the truth, but was the truth something he wanted to hear?

Bowser: It's worse than I thought!

Bowser Junior: What, what could be worse than anyone dieing in an explosion?

Bowser: Someone being taken out by Luigi, a guy who can't even find his way out of a cardboard box! How embarrassing, this family will be the laughingstock of the entire Koopa species if that happens!

Bowser Junior: Couldn't we call Roy or Morton to come and take everyone off the ship; that way, everyone could stay here, prepare for Peach and Luigi's arrival, and still outnumber them; it will be a lot safer!

Bowser: What a great idea; I'm so proud of you, Junior, you'll make a great king!

Bowser called for Roy and Morton, who were still having their midnight snacks. Roy and Morton came into the room.

Roy and Morton: Yes, Dad?

Bowser: I need one of you to fly an airship over to Ice Land to get your siblings off of Ludwig's ship, which has been hi-jacked by Luigi and Peach. This will be a very dangerous task, who's up for it?

Roy and Morton looked at each other.

Morton: You can go, Roy, I'm feeling kind of tired.

Roy: Are you kidding, if those maniacs jump onto my ship, I'll never be able to take them out! Besides, you're the biggest, they'll never stand a chance against you!

Bowser Junior: Here's an idea, why don't you both go and take two of the last three remaining airships; that way, they won't be as likely to be as much of a threat!

Bowser: Another great idea, Bowser Junior! It's settled, you're both going!

Meanwhile on Ludwig's airship, Ludwig, Peach, and Luigi were fighting over who would have control of the ship. It was a terrible fight with tons of magic blasts, each of them turning something into an animal. Ludwig was very lucky Peach and Luigi happened to have terrible aim. Ludwig laughed at them.

Ludwig: Ha, you'll never hit the great LUDWIG VON KOOPA!!!

Just then Ludwig was hit by a magic blast and turned into a penguin. Ludwig tried to turn Peach and Luigi into something, but he couldn't aim at all with his penguin flippers.

Ludwig: Curses, it seems you temporarily have the advantage!

Peach and Luigi laughed at Ludwig. Laughing like mad, they didn't even notice when Iggy came into the room and took control of the airship. Iggy grabbed the rubber chicken that used to be the steering wheel and began cruising along. (The steering wheel had been turned into a rubber chicken in the midst of the magic fight.) All of a sudden, Iggy began hallucinating a neon worm. (He does that a lot!)

Iggy: What's that, neon worm, you say the airship needs to crash? Okay, you're the boss!

Poor Iggy, he was under the influence of a neon worm! Iggy flew the airship right into a random mountain. The airship crashed and exploded, scattering everyone across extremely frigid Ice Land!

Roy and Morton had been flying their airships for quite sometime, still looking for Ludwig's airship. Roy and Morton were having conversations with each other on their phones.

Roy: Man, this is the hardest search I've ever done! Seriously, I've found Waldo twenty times, but still no airship!

Morton: Roy, you dope, stop looking in a Where's Waldo book and check out the window!

Roy: Oooooh, we were supposed to look out the window!

Morton: Gee, Roy, sometimes I think Ludwig is right about you, you are an idiot!

Just then, Morton saw smoke outside his window. When he went to check it out, he saw a crashed airship on a mountain.

Morton: Roy, I think I found our “Waldo” !

Roy: Where is he?

Morton: Flaming on a mountain.

Roy flew over to the mountain.

Roy: No, Morton, that's just Ludwig's airship; stop looking out the window and look in a Where's Waldo book if you want to find Waldo! Wait a minute, Ludwig's airship?!

Just then, Bowser called Roy and Morton.

Bowser: Sandwiches, I hope you're looking down; Ludwig's ship vanished from the radar right where you're at!

Morton: Sandwiches?! We're your sons, not food!

Roy (whispering to Morton on the phone like a sarcastic genius): I think he's on a health food diet again.

Bowser: I heard that! I'm not on that nasty health food diet again, I just haven't eaten in three whole minutes! I'm starving!

Morton: So, should we go down and investigate the crash?

Bowser: What do you think?

Morton: You can count on us, Daddy Dearest, Father of Fabulousity, Papa of Pandemonium-

Bowser: There will be some pandemonium if you don't shut up and do what I say!

Morton and Roy lowered their anchors and investigated the crash. No one seemed to be down there, it was a disturbing, yet reassuring scene.

Roy: Maybe they escaped before it crashed.

Morton: I hope so, I wouldn't want to find any dead-

Just then, they heard a groan coming from the pile of debris. Suddenly they saw a dark form that looked like a deformed Ludwig sticking his arms out in front of him and groaning. Roy and Morton screamed.

Roy and Morton: Zombie Ludwig!!!

Ludwig groaned again, then uttered a penguin-like sound.

Morton: What in the world, zombies don't make penguin sounds!

Roy: I know what's going on here, Ludwig's a...


Before Roy and Morton could jump back into their airships, Ludwig blocked their path and inched closer to them.

Roy: Please, Ludwig, don't eat my brain, it won't fill you! Go for Morton's, his has a nice, juicy vocabulary!

Morton: No, Ludwig, you don't want my brain, it's nasty, putrid, vile, despicable, gross, atrocious, abominable, gnarly, revolting, icky, repelling- Oh no, I do have a nice, juicy vocabulary!

Ludwig stopped in his tracks and shook off the ashes that were covering him. He wasn't a zombie, he was just a penguin.

Ludwig: You idiots, I'm not a zombie, I'm just a deformed freak!

Morton: Oh my gosh, Ludwig, the crash turned you into a penguin!

Ludwig: No, you fool, Luigi did, right before we crashed! I've been trying to look for my wand so I can change myself back, but I just can't find it!

Morton: Hence, the groaning, right?

Ludwig: Right; now help me find my wand!

Roy: Okay!

Roy looked into his Where's Waldo book. Morton and Ludwig face palmed themselves.

Morton and Ludwig: Roy, you're stupid!

In the midst of all the madness, Peach and Luigi had found themselves trapped inside an ice cave, along with Wendy and Iggy. How did that happen? The ice covered the only entrance into the cave when they flew into it. Luigi walked up to Peach.

Luigi: Hey, do you-a still have your wands?

Peach: Yeah, why do you ask?

Luigi: Maybe we could-a blast our way outta here!

Wendy sighed from across the cave.

Wendy: Don't even bother, wands can't work in such a low temperature!

Iggy: Yeah, there's only one wand that does, and it's outside the cave!

Peach: Which wand is that?

Iggy: The King of Ice Land's wand, of course!

Luigi: So you're-a saying we're-a trapped in here until the king randomly decides to-a take a little morning stroll down around-a this cave?

Wendy: Yeah, pretty much!

Luigi: Well, look on-a the bright side, at least we-a have each other!

Wendy: Oh gosh, no! Don't remind me, you people are the last people anyone would want to be stuck with!

Meanwhile, with Lemmy, Larry was just climbing out of the snow pile he landed in. Larry looked around.

Larry: Lemmy, you know your way around Ice Land, where are we?

Lemmy: Hmm, that snow pile, (looks behind himself), that hill- We're in the middle of Ice Land!

Larry: Great, first we were trapped in the middle of a desert, then in several explosions, and now, this!

Lemmy: Look on the bright side, Larry, at least we don't have to worry about that annoying Hyper Koopa!

Just then, they saw a shadow ahead of them.

Shadow: Guess who's back?!


Yes, that's right, it was the Hyper Koopa!

Morton, Ludwig, and Roy finally found Ludwig's wand. Ludwig was very excited, he hoped the wand hadn't cooled off too much during the explosion. Roy pointed the wand and fired, but Ludwig was still the same. Roy looked down at himself.

Roy: Whoops, I think I fired it the wrong way, I don't remember looking this cute and cuddly.

Morton: Roy, you moron, you turned yourself into a rabbit!

Ludwig: Hurry, Roy, give the wand to Morton before it freezes!

Roy pointed the wand at Morton while trying to give it to him. In the midst of doing such, he accidentally fired a blast that turned Morton into a panda bear.

Morton: What do you know, even though I went down to investigate the airship crash, there was still pandamonium!

Morton took the wand from Roy and tried to get a magic blast out of it. Unfortunately, the wand was frozen by that point.

Ludwig: Thanks a lot, Roy, now we're all animals that can't climb the anchors of the airships! We'll be frozen solid by morning and it's all your fault! I knew I should've stayed with the prisoners at the castle!

Morton: Well, we'll probably be saved before morning; after all, our dad loves us to pieces, he'll come and save us as soon as he calls and finds out we're not there!

Meanwhile at Bowser's castle, Bowser had just finished calling Roy and Morton's airships for the fifth time.

Bowser: No one's answering, I guess they're dead! Oh well, guess what, Junior, you're an only child now!

Bowser Junior: You mean I wasn't before?

Bowser: Er, um, of course you were! Those Koopalings weren't my kids, don't be ridiculous!

Bowser Junior: That's what I like to hear!

Back with Morton, Roy, and Ludwig...

Morton: Yeah, he loves us!

Meanwhile with Lemmy and Larry, the Hyper Koopa, who was holding the King of Ice Land's wand, was annoying Larry to no end.

Koopa: Hi, hi, hi, long time no see! I thought you guyses were stranded in the desert!

Larry: I wish I was stranded in the desert and not with you!

Koopa: So do I, so do I!

Larry: Then, get lost!

Larry threw the Koopa off a cliff.

Larry: Ah, peace and quiet!

Lemmy: Larry, why did you just throw the Koopa off a cliff, he had the wand!

Larry: He what?!


Larry looked over the cliff.

Larry: Come back, Hyper Koopa, I didn't mean to throw you off that cliff!

Lemmy: You know he's not coming back, right?

Larry: Yeah, I know.

Larry and Lemmy jumped off the cliff after him. Luckily, they were on a cliff that was over another larger cliff, so they didn't fall very far. When they landed, they saw the Hyper Koopa's feet sticking out of a snow pile. Larry pulled the Koopa out of the snow pile.

Larry: Sorry about that, ol' buddy, ol' pal! Let me brush some of that snow off for ya! (brushes snow off of hyper koopa) Say, now that I've done something nice for you, why don't you do something nice for me?

Koopa: What, what?

Larry: Just hand that wand over, that's all you gotta do!

Koopa: I don't think so! Why do you want this wand? Why are you being nice to me? Why am I just a reccurring character? Why don't I get my own story? How did you get to Ice Land? How many licks does it take to get to the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Pop? Why does this evil author make me ask so many annoying questions? Do you like green eggs and ham? Who talks more, me or Morton? Wh-

Lemmy and Larry: JUST GIVE ME THE WAND!!!

Lemmy and Larry dove at the Koopa, but he dodged. The Loopa was so happy with himself, he laughed and skipped around.

Koopa: I don't get why you guyses get to be bosses in video games and not me, I am clearly better!

Lemmy: Just give us the wand-

Larry: And nobody gets hurt!

Koopa: Ha! Ha! Never, never!

Lemmy: Wow, I suddenly know how Mario and Luigi felt in Super Mario Brothers 3!

Larry: Now that we feel like them, let's pull a “Mario and Luigi” on him!

Larry charged at the Hyper Koopa and attempted to jump on his head. The Koopa dodged.

Koopa: Ha, is that the best you guyses got?!

Lemmy snuck up behind the Hyper Koopa and grabbed the wand.

Lemmy: No, this is!

Lemmy fired a ball from the wand that sent the Hyper Koopa flying over to Larry. Larry grabbed the Koopa and threw him over the cliff.

Koopa (whilst falling): I SHALL HAVE MY REVENGE, YOU JUST WAIT!!!

Lemmy: Well, that was an odd thing for an annoying reccurring character to shout!

Looking at the wand he was holding, Lemmy wondered where his siblings were.

Lemmy: Larry, do you think everyone survived the crash?

Larry: I don't know! The important thing is, does that wand have a tracking device?

Lemmy: Why would you ask such a thing, Larry?

Larry: Well, last time I checked, every wand has a Koopaling tracking device to warn those annoying kings we're going to invade their castles. If we could find everyone, then we wouldn't have to worry!

Lemmy: I don't know if it does, I guess I'll see.

Messing with the wand, Lemmy searched for something that may activate a tracking device. Lemmy tried everything he could think of, but nothing worked.

Lemmy: Aw man, this stinks!

He whacked the wand in frustration.  Just then the tracking device turned on.

Larry: Way to go, Lemmy, you're such a genius!

Lemmy: I am? Er, I mean, yes, I am!

The hunt was on!

Meanwhile with Bowser, Bowser Junior had gone to bed, leaving Bowser alone with the airship radar.

Bowser: My poor Koopalings, they were so young! I can't believe it, I can't believe they were destroyed by Luigi! I'll have to change my name and move to Albuquerque! What will I call myself…? I know-

Mario walked into the room.

Bowser: MARIO!!!

Mario: Wow-a Bowser, I am-a flattered that you'd-a call yourself-a me, Mario!


Mario: Just-a aimlessly wandering through-a the halls.

Bowser: Well, you just aimlessly wander back into your cell this instant before I call my children on-

Bowser got down on the ground and sobbed. Mario walked over to him.

Mario: Why-a Bowser, why are you-a so sad?

Bowser: My Koopalings are gone, thanks to your terrible brother!

Mario: So they’re-a not in the-a house, big-a deal!

Bowser: No, it's not like that, they're not on the planet!

Mario: My-a brother would-a never do something like that!

Bowser: Well, he did, and you know what I'm going to do about it?!

Mario: No.

Bowser: I'm going to put you in the worst place possible, MY BASEMENT!!!

Mario (sarcastically): Ooo, I'm-a so scared, your-a gonna put me in the-a basement! What, are the-a dust bunnies going to attack-a me?

Bowser: Fool, this basement isn't an ordinary basement, it's a lava pit full of hungry Blarggs!

Mario: Are you-a sure it isn't a dust pit full of-a hungry dust bunnies?

Bowser: Yes, I'm sure!

Bowser took Mario to the basement. Throwing Mario in, he laughed evilly and closed the door.

Lemmy eventually found the humans and Koopas trapped in the cave. It wasn't easy getting them out, but he managed. Peach and Luigi demanded that he should give them the wand.

Luigi: You must-a give me the wand-a!

Lemmy: No way, I'm using this to track down my siblings!

Peach: When you're finished, you must give it to us!

Lemmy: Fine!

Everyone ventured through Ice Land a bit longer until they found the crash site. When they made it to the crash site, they saw a very strange sight: a penguin, rabbit, and panda bear sitting around a frozen wand. Lemmy walked up to them, noticing that they were blocking the anchors that led up to the airships.

Lemmy: Excuse me, guys, could you move over, my siblings are up there. (Points to airships)

Morton: Lemmy, is that you?

Lemmy: Yeah, but how do you know my name, weird panda?

Morton: I'm not just any weird panda, I'm Morton Koopa Junior the Weird Panda!

Lemmy: Morton?

Morton: Yeah, along with Roy, (points to rabbit), and Ludwig, (points to penguin).

Lemmy: Whoa, what happened to you?

Morton: It's a long story-

Ludwig: -which is all Roy's fault!

Roy: We'll tell you later.

Lemmy turned his siblings back into Koopas. Peach and Luigi came up to Lemmy.

Luigi: A deal's a deal!

Peach: Give us the wand!

Lemmy: I don't think so!

Luigi: Don't make us-a fight for it!

Lemmy: I don't feel like fighting! If we're going to do anything about this conflict, we should settle it with a simple game of Rock, Paper, Scissors!

Peach: Okay, but I'll have you know, I am the Rock, Paper, Scissors champion of my kingdom!

Lemmy: Really, so am I!

Peach: Best two out of three?

Lemmy: No, let's make it suspenseful, best four out of seven!

Peach: You're on! Just hand the wand to Luigi and we'll start the game!

Lemmy handed Luigi the wand. Peach and Lemmy “duked it out” in Rock, Paper, Scissors. Unfortunately, since they were both so good, they kept tieing with each other. It took such a long time that, in the midst of their game, the Koopalings and Luigi made banners for their “teams”. The Koopalings were hopping up and down, cheering for Lemmy. Luigi was standing there, being the mascot for his team, Team Fish Suit. (Yes, he was still wearing that fish suit!) Team Koopaling was getting restless. Larry got to the point where he dressed up as a vender and was selling hot chocolate. Eventually, even the king of Ice Land himself showed up and stood in the growing crowd.

King: What are these two fighting about?

Roy: Oh, they're just fighting over who will get your wand.

King: Oh, okay! Wait, what?!

Roy: You know, they're fighting over your wand!

King: Why?

Roy: Well, the princess wants your wand so she and Luigi can save Mario from our dad, Lemmy wants it so we can stop them!

King: Well, in that case, GO PRINCESS!!!

Everyone in the Koopa crowd booed the king.

Roy: Loser, go to Team Fish Suit's side, then!

The king walked over to Luigi.

King: Nice fish suit.

Luigi: Oh, be quiet!

It took several more minutes, but the game was finally down to the final play. Peach and Lemmy were tied. It would just take one more victory to win the game. Peach threw Rock, Lemmy threw Paper.

Lemmy: Ha, in your face, Princess, I'm the ultra champion of the world!

Peach: Oh Lemmy, I guess you're right, we'll just be leaving now!

Lemmy: That's right, you lost, you're a loser, now you gotta leave!

Luigi climbed onto Roy's airship, along with Peach. The crowd behind Lemmy started screaming.

Crowd: The wand, Lemmy, the wand!

Just then, Lemmy, who had forgotten that he gave the wand to Luigi at the beginning of the game, looked behind himself and saw the airship take off.

Lemmy: Not again!

Ludwig ran up to Lemmy.


Lemmy: I'm sorry, I was just so happy, I-

Ludwig: UNACCEPTABLE!!! You are not only in trouble with me, but also Father once he hears about this!

Morton: Speaking of which, we need to get home, the guy must be worried sick by now!

The Koopalings then decided to go home.

It was about seven o' clock in the morning, Bowser was more than upset about the supposed death of the Koopalings, he was insanely upset! He was so messed up, he started pretending to be the Koopalings. Bowser Junior walked into the room and saw Bowser looking like some weird mix of everyone. He had a blue Mohawk for hair, a bow in his hair (how he pulled that off is beyond me), he was wearing lipstick, gold bangles along with his other accessories, round sunglasses that looked like a mix of Iggy and Roy's glasses, and was balancing on a ball.

Bowser Junior: Uh, Dad, are you okay?

Bowser: We're not your dad! Hey, are you calling me a man?! Yes, Wendy, you're just so manly! Be quiet, Roy! No, you, MANDY!!!

Bowser Junior: Dad, do I need to call the nice doctors again? Are you on another health food diet?

Bowser: I hope Dad isn't on a health food diet again, that would be terrible!

Bowser Junior: I'm calling the doctors!

Just then, a door slam was heard. The Koopalings themselves walked into the room.

Koopalings: We're baaaaaaaa-

Seeing Bowser in his new “attire”. the Koopalings freaked out. Bowser Junior came up to them.

Bowser Junior: Yeah, I know, I think he's on a health food diet again!

Koopalings: Greeeeaaat!

When we last left Luigi and Peach, they had been stranded in a frigid cave in Ice Land. Unable to use their wands in the practically sub-zero temperature, they had to wait in a cave until someone came to rescue them. When they were rescued, Peach had to win a game of Rock, Paper, Scissors to get the wand out of their rescuer's grasp. Cheating, the princess and plumber stole the wand at the end of the game, even though their rescuer won. After hijacking Roy's airship as well, the cheating duo made their way to Pipe Land.

As the airship flew over the last remaining parts of Ice Land it had to cross over, Peach and Luigi were planning how to steal the next king's wand. This would be tough, considering the king of Pipe Land is the toughest, burliest king of them all!

Peach: It's going to be incredibly difficult to steal the King of Pipe Land's wand, this guy is practically invincible!

Luigi: If-a that's the case, how did-a Ludwig get through him-a?

Peach: That's simple, he fears Ludwig!

Luigi: I-a wonder why?

Peach: I don't know why, but this gives me an idea!

Peach grabbed a wand and turned herself into an exact look-alike of Ludwig.

Peach: Here's the plan, I'll go in looking like Ludwig and scare the king; when the king starts screaming, you come in and pretend to fight me. The king will be so happy you defeated “Ludwig”, he'll hand the wand right over!

Luigi: Brilliant!

Meanwhile in Pipe Land, a Toad guard was looking out a telescope. The guard couldn't believe what he saw!

Toad: EVERYONE, EVERYONE, you won't believe what I'm seeing right now!

Another Toad guard ran up to the one with the telescope.

Other Toad: What, what is it?!

Toad: Just look!

The other Toad looked into the telescope; he saw a Hyper Koopa wearing a fake mustache and riding on a giant Koopa Paratroopa, who was doing loops in the sky.

Other Toad: Well, that's weird!

Just then, he saw something off in the distance entering Pipe Land.

Other Toad: Hey, that looks kinda like-

Toad: An airship!

The Toads ran to their king to tell him the news. The king was angered!

King: That better not be Ludwig von Koopa again!

Toad: I don't know if it is or not, look through the telescope and see if you can get a closer look!

The king ran up to the telescope and took a look at the airship; he saw what appeared to be Ludwig in the window!

King: It is that ghastly Ludwig von Koopa! I can't believe he's returned! I know what I'm going to do, I'm going to setup my new defense system, the Pipe-o-Matic, he will never get through that!

The king pressed a button that covered the castle in pipes, then it rose up on four legs made of pipes and began to walk!

King: Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ludwig von Koopa, you will never steal my wand again!

Peach and Luigi thought their plan was going perfectly.

Luigi: We'll-a have the wand in no time!

Peach: Yes, I can't wait to see the king's face when he sees me!

Just then, the king's face appeared through the front window, it looked very deranged and angry! The king spoke through a loudspeaker.

King: Ha! Ha! You'll never steal my wand, NEVER!!!

Peach and Luigi freaked out.

Peach: Oh no, the king must already know about our plan!

Luigi: This is-a terrible, he'll-a knock us right out of the-a sky!

Peach: It's not like this ship can transform into a fighting robot!

Luigi: Wait, yes it-a can, if we-a use the wands!

Peach fired all the wands in the airship, turning it into a transforming, fighting airship!

Luigi: I'm-a sure Roy would be so proud if he-a knew.

Peach yelled through the loudspeaker.


King (sarcastically): Oh dear, it appears I am outmatched, mine doesn't have arms! (Pushes another button) SIKE!

All of a sudden, the castle itself transformed into a fighting castle whose towers had formed into spiked, floating fists!

Peach: This could be bad.

Suddenly the Hyper Koopa who had been flying around on the giant Paratroopa came up, holding up a sign that said, “Round one...” then another that said, “FIGHT!!!” The king took advantage of this opportunity and punched the airship with a floating fist.

Luigi (through loudspeaker): Hey-a now, let's-a not be so-a violent!

Peach: Who are you kidding, Luigi, let's be very violent!

The Hyper Koopa suddenly got between the two fighters.

Koopa: Now, you guyses, we shouldn't be so violent, let's try a different fighting method! How about jokes?

Peach: Oh, fine, but you're no fun, you know!

Peach pushed a button. The airship threw a giant pie in the “face” of the castle.

Peach: Face my wrath, you fiendish king!

King: Not until you feel mine!

The king got a giant rubber chicken and whacked the airship upside the “face” with it. The rubber chicken made an odd quacking sound.

Luigi: Ahg, rubber-a chickens don't quack!

Luigi pushed a button. The airship got the giant fish that had eaten Peach and Luigi earlier and whacked the castle upside the “face” .

King: Oh yeah, how about some of this?!

The king got a big water gun and fired water on the “windshield” of the airship.

King: A little water for the little fish!

Luigi, angered by the king's remark about his fish suit, threw a giant tub of spaghetti in the king's face. (At least, he did that as best as he could, considering the king's face was behind a window.)

King: How dare you throw a pile of spaghetti in a king's face!

The floating hands of the castle flicked the airship in the “face” .

Luigi: How-a dare you flick a plumber in the-a face, this is-a war!

Just then, the airship and castle got into a poke fight. It was going to be a very long fight!

Meanwhile with Bowser's family, the Koopalings had finally gotten Bowser out of a major identity crisis. (Since Bowser thought they were dead, he went a little crazy and started acting like them.) Bowser had never been so happy!

Bowser: Thank badness you're alright, I don't know what I would've done if you had perished!

Larry: Yeah, we're fine thanks to Lemmy!

Ludwig: Unfortunately, we're also not fine thanks to him! He let Luigi get away with two wands and two airships!

Bowser: I'll worry about that later, right now, I'm just going to apologize to Mario for trapping him in the basement!

Koopalings: Really?

Bowser: Ha! Ha! No, I'm going to laugh while he suffers!

Koopalings: Oh boy, can we come too?

Bowser: Of course! Larry, you make some popcorn! Morton, you get some chairs! Wendy, get some cameras! Iggy, get some drinks! We're going to have fun with this!

Bowser and his family walked over to the basement door; they heard Mario shouting.

Mario: Get me out of-a here!

Bowser laughed.

Bowser: Ha, Mario, I will do no such thing!

Mario: What will it-a take to make you let me out of-a here?

Bowser: Being trapped here for eternity, my fiend!

Mario: But that-a means I'll-a never get out!

Bowser: Exactly!

Bowser suddenly did something totally crazy, he broke into song! (In the tune of the “Volcano Theme” from New Super Mario Brothers Wii)

Bowser: Mar-i-o-o-o, I hear you now, you're shouting, “HOW DO I GET OUT?!” And so I welcome, you to my ki-ingdom, a mystical, magical place where I'm ki-ing and I am in char-arge of mo-o-ost everything!

Koopalings: Doom and gloom and- just despair; and if you are- not prepared, you will find that, Mar-i-o-o-o, this is as far- as you'll go-o-o-o!

(Pause for a few moments)

Bowser: Mar-i-o-o-o, I hear you now, you're trying and crying so hard; but let me tell you that there's no way out, because in my mystical, magical ki-ingdom, you will be tra-a-apped here for eter-ernity!

Koopalings: Doom and gloom and- just despair; and if you are- not prepared, you will find that, Mar-i-o-o-o, this is as far- as you'll go-o-o-o!

(End of song)

Mario: I'm-a sorry I asked.

Back with Peach and Luigi, it was round four of their “transforming items” battle. In this round, they had to make up jokes. Things were looking bad for them, considering that the king had all the good puns and punchlines!

King: Why did the lady eat rocks?

Luigi: I-a don't know, why?

King: Because her doctor said she needed more minerals in her diet! Zing! (Throws rocks in airship's face)

Luigi: Oh-a yeah, why did the-a boy stab a clock?

King: I don't know!

Luigi: To-a kill time! (Throws a clock at the castle)

King: Hey, that's not the right joke! If you're trying to make time fly, you need to say that joke!

Luigi: Oh, then-a I have another one! When is the-a best time to serve a plumber's meal-a?

King: At the crack of dawn?

Luigi: No-a, when it's piping hot!

King (sarcastically): Oh, ha, ha! Speaking of hot pipes, I've got a little something I'd like to show you!

The king pulled out a giant pipe that looked like a bat. He swung it at the airship, destroying it. Luigi and Peach flew straight at the castle and managed to fly in through an open window.

King: I thought we blocked that window with the Pipe-o-Matic!

The king got out the manual for the Pipe-o-Matic. He read what the pipes were supposed to cover. It said in fine print, “Covers everything but doors and windows.”

King: Then what's the point? Who made this thing, anyway? (Reads manual) Made by Iggy Koopa, designed by LUDWIG VON KOOPA, MADE ESPECIALLY FOR THE KING OF PIPE LAND, WHO IS AN IDIOT FOR NOT READING THE FINE PRINT?! I really hate that guy, I've hated him ever since the day he came!


Ludwig stormed into the king's throne room.

Ludwig: Hello, King, I have a little something I'd like to show you!

King: Do show me!

Ludwig pulled out a harpsichord and started playing and singing a song. His singing was horrible and he played the strings of the harpsichord like a crudely played violin. It sounded like nails on a chalkboard, only ten times worse! The king covered his ears and screamed. Ludwig didn't stop playing, he was just so into it! Unfortunately, he was playing no mere song, but his seventh symphony, the longest, most painful symphony that could ever be heard! It goes on for six days! When six days had passed, the king was unconscious and the Toad guards had been knocked out. Ludwig took advantage of this opportunity to steal the king's wand and turn him into a Piranha Plant, making himself the ruler of Pipe Land!

(End Flashback)

The king shuddered. Suddenly, Peach, who still looked like Ludwig, walked into the room.

King: Lu-Ludwig, wh-what do you w-want with me?!

Peach: I just came to tell you that I'm a big, fat Koopa! I LOVE me!

King: R-really?

Peach: No, I came here to steal your wand!

King: Not again!

Peach: Yes, and there's nothing you can do to stop me!

Just then, Luigi came into the room.

Luigi: Not-a so fast-a, Ludwig!

Peach: No, not Luigi!

King: Really, that fish is Luigi?! I must turn him back into a human!

The king fired a magic blast that gave Luigi back his normal clothes.

Luigi: Finally!

Luigi pretended to beat up Peach. When Peach pretended to faint dramatically, the king was very pleased.

Luigi: The-a Koopas have-a kidnapped my-a brother, I-a really need the wand!

King: It's yours, my friend!

Luigi: Thank you!

Luigi, dragging Peach behind him, left the room; then, he realized something, there was no way to get to Dark Land! Luigi turned around and went back into the throne room.

Luigi: Uh, King?

King: Yes?

Luigi: How do I get outta here?

King: Oh, I'm sorry, I forgot to put the castle back on the ground!

The king pushed a button that turned the castle back to normal.

Luigi: Thanks, now-a how do I get to-a Dark Land from here?

King: That's simple, just go to the pipe with the red skull and crossbones on it!

He pointed to a flower field out the window with the pipe in it.

Luigi: Why a flower-a field?

King: Just to put irony in this story!

Luigi thanked the king again and walked over to the flower field. This was it, the final place he had to go to rescue his brother! Was he ready to face Bowser, or would he be trapped by him in a cardboard box? Peach resumed her original form and jumped into the pipe. Luigi had no choice, it was do or die, it was to be the end of an adventure!

Read on!

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