It was a beautiful day at Mario and Luigi's house. Mario was busy packing a lunch for the picnic he was planning on having with Peach. Luigi, on the other hand, had found himself trapped in a cardboard box.
Luigi: Help me, Mario!
Mario: What, what are-a you trapped in-a this time?
Luigi: This box, I can't-a escape!
Mario: Oh Luigi, I have-a no time to be-a helping you outta that box! The princess will-a be here at any moment!
Just then, Mario and Luigi heard a knock at the door.
Mario: It must be the princess!
To Mario's astonishment, it wasn't the princess, it was Bowser! Bowser barged into Mario's house.
Bowser: Hello neighbor, may I have a cup of plumber?!
Mario had no idea what Bowser's weirdo pun meant. Eventually he got the message when Bowser grabbed Mario and tied him up.
Mario: You aren't-a really going to kidnap us again, are you?
Bowser: Of course not, I'm only going to kidnap you!
Luigi (still in box): What, am I not good enough-a for you anymore?!
Bowser: Well, let's just face it, you can't even find your way out of a cardboard box! Why would you be a threat to my plan?
Mario: What plan?! Don't-a tell me you’re-a kidnapping Peach again!
Bowser: No, no, I'm over that! It's like what my kids have been telling me, kidnapping princesses is lame; if you wanna do anything right, you make the princess come to you!
Mario: Ha! The princess will-a never walk into your house by herself!
Bowser: Oh, but she will if I have you!
Mario: You-a malicious, maniacal fiend-a! Is this-a what you think of every night?! Is-a this what you tell your children for bedtime stories?!
Roy popped out of nowhere.
Roy: Actually, he doesn't tell us any bedtime stories!
Bowser: Can it, Roy, and help me carry Mario out the door!
With Bowser and Roy struggling to carry Mario's massive weight out the door, Morton had to come and help them.
Morton: Man, Mario, and they call me big!
Mario: Hey, it's-a not easy being fat!
Bowser and his
strong, manly children threw Mario into Bowser's Clown Copter with all
their might. After that, they took off into the noontime sun, laughing
merrily.
Princess Peach arrived at Mario's house half an hour later. She knocked on the door, but no one showed up.
Peach: Mario, Luigi, where are you?
Peach heard some thumping in the house and a muffled cry.
Peach: Is everything okay in there?
Peach heard a muffled “No.”
Peach: I'm coming in!
She tried to open the door, but found it to be locked. (Bowser locks his enemies' doors before leaving!)
Peach: Well, if the door is locked, I'll just have to break it down!
Peach blew a whistle that summoned Toads wearing spiked shoulder pads.
Toads: What is your command, Princess?
Peach: Break the door down!
Toads: Okay!
They tried to break the door down, but it just wouldn't budge.
Toad in front of crowd: Sorry Princess, that was the best we could do!
Peach: Well, okay, I guess I'll have to turn around and-
She ran with all of her might to the door and broke it down. The Toads stared at her in amazement.
Peach: What, haven't you ever seen a dainty princess break down a door before?
She dismissed the Toads and went inside the house.
Peach: Mario, Luigi, where are you?
Luigi (still in box): I'm in here, help, help!
Peach let Luigi out of the incredibly “difficult” and “hard to get out of” cardboard box.
Luigi: Oh, thank you, thank you and-
Peach: Where's Mario?
Luigi: That's what I was about-a ready to-a tell you, he's-a gone!
Peach: Gone, did he stand me up?!
Luigi: No-a, worse, Bowser kidnapped him!
Peach: Again?! Well, I'll just have to go over to his castle and save him again!
Peach was about to leave, when Luigi stopped her.
Peach: Why did you stop me?!
Luigi: You-a can't just-a go over there, that's-a what Bowser wants you to do!
Peach: I don't care what he wants, I want my Mario back!
Luigi: You don't-a understand, Princess, he kidnapped Mario so you would-a go over there and-a fall right into his trap!
Peach: Oh my goodness, Luigi, you're right! Whatever will I do? I can't fight Bowser and his children by myself in their own home! I don't stand a chance!
Luigi: You-a have me!
Peach: True, but I'm weak (compared to all that), and you can't even find your way out of a cardboard box!
Luigi: I can too find my-a way out of a cardboard- Who am I-a kidding, you're-a right, this is-a hopeless!
Just then, Peach remembered Super Mario Brothers 3.
Peach: No, it isn't hopeless! If we can get the kings’ wands from all the lands, we'll have a bit of a power boost and will be able to defeat Bowser!
Luigi: What a great-a idea, only one-a problem, don't-a the Koopalings have those wands?
Peach: No, after the kings had their wands stolen, they wised up and fought anyone that tried to take their wand. The Koopalings were forced to get their father to buy them exact replicas! The only problem is, not even I can get the kings to give me their wands; they don't trust anyone with them but themselves! They know Karate, so this will be terribly interesting.
Luigi: You mean we have to-a deal with Karate-kicking-kings?
Peach: Yes, and we must hurry, it's Ludwig's turn to torture the prisoners at Bowser's castle!
Luigi: What's-a so bad about that?
Peach: It's a fate worse than death, Luigi, he'll perform a symphony for all of the prisoners!
Luigi: That doesn't sound terrible to me!
Peach: Believe
me, Luigi, it does!
Meanwhile, in the dungeon of Bowser's castle, Mario was talking to a Koopa he had to share a cell with.
Mario: So-a, what are you-a in for?
Koopa: I called Bowser a loser.
Mario: Whoa, a daredevil I-a see!
Koopa: Yeah, but that's just because I was playing cards with him and he cheated!
Mario: I'll-a keep a note of that. *takes out a notepad and writes* “Bowser cheats at cards.”
Just then, Ludwig walked into the dungeon.
Ludwig: Guess what, everyone?
Mario: You're-a getting a haircut?
Ludwig: No!
Mario: You're-a getting something-a done about that tooth?
Ludwig: NO!
Mario: You're-a the smartest Koopa in the-a world?
Ludwig: No- er- yes, I am that, but that's not why I'm here!
Mario: Then why-a Smarty Pants, why?
Ludwig: Nice try, Mario; that's not a name to call me, for the great LUDWIG VON KOOPA never wears pants!
Mario: How-a indecent!
Ludwig: Quit trying to make me look bad, Mario! Anyway, the reason why I'm here is to tell you all how kind my father is for giving you a free symphony!
Mario: Bowser composes symphonies?!
Ludwig: No, you incompetent oaf, I do! I'm the best composer ever! My Koopa symphonies are top-notch; in fact, they are so top-notch, people cry when I perform them, even put their hands over their ears so they can keep the songs in their heads forever! You vacuous fiends are so lucky to have me play for you! I keep asking my father why I must waste my copious talents on you, but he says it is a must, so I have no choice in the matter.
Mario: Well-a, it is kind of-a quiet in here, why don't-a you play a song or two?
Ludwig: Song? Ha! The great LUDWIG VON KOOPA settles for no mere song, he composes symphonies!
Mario: Whatever, just-a do something-a!
Ludwig began to
play. Eerie music filled the room, it was a terrible sound! (At least to
those who aren't like the author of this story, who actually enjoys
eerie
music!) Everyone screamed. Ludwig, who was so full of ego, figured they
were screaming from excitement. This was sure to last a while.
Peach and Luigi, on the other hand, were in a much better situation than Mario; they were heading to Grass Land's castle, the first of seven castles they would have to go to get a wand. The castle was in view when, suddenly, a Koopa came out of nowhere and attacked them- with questions!
Koopa: Hey, who are you? How are you? Where are you going? Why are you going there? Can I go with you? What's your name? Did I ask that already? Did I ask that already? Who am I? Where did I come from? Do you have the time? Why is the sky blue? Do you know where Bowser's castle is? Why am I so lost? Do you like waffles? When will I stop asking all these questions?
Peach: Let me answer them all-
Luigi: I'm-a Luigi, number one! I'm feeling great, other than-a the fact that-a my brother has-a been kidnapped! I'm-a going to the castle behind you! I'm-a going there to get the wand-a so I can save my brother! It depends, will you keep-a asking all these questions? I just-a told you, Luigi! Yes! Yes! I don't know who you are-a, but you’re-a getting on my nerves! Probably Bowser's army! It's-a one o' clock! I'm-a no meteorologist! Who doesn't, it's in Dark Land! You spend-a too much time asking questions! Yeah, we like waffles! When I duct tape your mouth-a shut!
Peach: No fair, I was going to answer!
Koopa: Does Bowser know about your plan?
Peach: I hope not!
Luigi: Don't-a tell him, it's a surprise!
Koopa: Does Bowser like surprises?
Peach: Oh, he'll love this one!
Koopa: Will his kids get any surprises?
Luigi: I'll-a give them a thing or two.
Koopa: Do I get anything?
Luigi: Why yes, you get a little something called-
Peach duct taped the Koopa's mouth shut.
Luigi: No fair, I was-a going to duct tape that!
Peach: Hey, you got to answer the questions!
Luigi: True.
Peach and Luigi pushed the Koopa down and left him laying on the path. When they finally made it to the castle, Peach stopped Luigi from entering.
Peach: Luigi, you can't just walk into a castle uninvited!
Luigi: But-a Mario and I do it at your-a castle all the time-a!
Peach: That's because you are the heroes of the town! This place is different, not even I can come in uninvited; unless, of course, there is a reason!
Luigi: I think we-a have a pretty good-a reason, Mario!
Peach: Yes, but we can't make the reason because we want to take the king's wand, it must be for another reason!
Luigi: We-a have no other reason! The only thing we can-a do is disguise ourselves as traveling musicians and-a hope we can-a play a song boring enough to put-a the king to sleep so we can steal his wand-a!
Peach: What a great idea, Luigi!
Later, Peach and Luigi came back to the castle dressed as musicians. Peach had hair that looked like Ludwig's and was carrying a lyre, Luigi had a crazed mohawk that looked like Lemmy's and was holding a microphone.
Luigi: I-a see we're from two different time periods.
Peach and Luigi walked up to the castle gates. Some Toad guards came up to them.
Toad guard: What do you want?!
Peach: We're traveling musicians, we've come to play for the king!
Toad guard: Really, well play a song for me!
Peach and Luigi realized something, they had no idea how to play instruments or sing! (Well, Peach knew how to sing, but not Luigi.)
Toad guard: I'm waiting!
Peach and Luigi started playing/singing. It was some of the worst music you could hear, even Ludwig's might have been better... Nah! Peach played the lyre like a guitar, while Luigi tone-deafly sang high notes. When they ended their “song” they expected to be kicked out by the guard, but instead...
Toad guard: You're perfect!
Peach: Did you like our song?
Toad guard: No, the song was horrible; I mean you'll be perfect for the king to make fun of, he loves traveling musicians that stink!
Luigi: Greeeeaaaat!
Peach and Luigi were let into the castle.
Peach: Wow, I wasn't expecting this to work!
Luigi: Me neither!
Just then they were let into the king's room. They saw the wand and knew what they had to do. The Toads forced them to play. Peach and Luigi did what they did before. After it was over, everyone was still awake, especially the king!
King: Ha! Ha! Ha! Oh, you guys stink!
Luigi: We find that-
Peach: -to be a wonderful comment coming from a king!
King: I appreciate terrible music!
Luigi: Then you'd-a love Ludwig's!
King: Who's he?
Luigi: A brother of-a the kid who-a stole your wand.
King: Oh no, not him! Where is he, where is he, I'll kick him in the face!
Peach: It's okay, he isn't here, my friend was only talking about him.
King: Good, I do hope he doesn't come back!
Peach: He will never come back!
Just then, Larry Koopa walked into the room.
Larry: Hey, everyone, I just wanted to apologize for- Agh!
Everyone except Peach and Luigi attacked Larry. During the “fight” the king dropped his wand.
Peach: Luigi, now's our chance!
Luigi grabbed the wand and ran, or at least tried to, but was grabbed by a Toad and pulled into the fight. In the midst of the fight, Larry saw Luigi.
Larry: Lemmy, what are you doing here?!
Luigi: Lemmy? I'm not-
Just then, Luigi (who was wearing a mohawk like Lemmy, remember) had an idea.
Luigi: Yes, it's-a me, Lemmy! I'm-a trying to get the king's-a wand, but it's-a just not working out!
Larry: Oh no, you're not doing it the right way, you gotta do it like this!
Larry grabbed the king and threw him at all the Toads, knocking them down.
Larry: There you go, Lemmy! Hey, wait a minute, did you grow a mustache?! Dad's going to kill you, Lemmy; don't you know about his rule against having facial hair?
Luigi: Of course I do, I'm-a just-a being a rebel and you should-a too!
Just then, the real Lemmy walked into the room.
Lemmy: Hey Larry, did everyone accept your apology for taking over Grass Land?
Larry: Lemmy?! Wait, that can't be you, you were just over- Plumber! Plumber! I've been tricked by a plumber!
Right when Luigi thought he was going to be attacked by Larry, Larry attacked Lemmy instead.
Lemmy: Larry, what are you doing?!
Larry: Nice try, Luigi, but I think I know who my real brother is!
Luigi: Well, have fun-a beating up... Luigi, I'll just-a take this to Dad now!
Larry: You do that, Lemmy!
Peach and Luigi ran out of the castle. When they were a safe distance from the castle, they laughed.
Peach: Great work, Luigi, Larry didn't even suspect who you really were!
Luigi: What can I-a say, that Larry is such a fool-a!
Peach: Yeah, he can be a bit foolish at times, can't he? Anyway, we have the first wand!
Luigi: Now we just have to go to-a Desert Land, Water Land, Giant Land, Sky Land, Ice Land, and-a then Pipe Land! Oh, that-a sounds pretty exhausting!
Peach: Well, I
guess we better get going!
Larry and Lemmy ended their little “fight.” Larry won, of course, so he was off to bring “Luigi” to Bowser and brag about his catch. When Larry walked out the door, he saw a Koopa with duct tape on his mouth laying on the road. Larry took the duct tape off.
Koopa: Hey, who are you? How are you? Where are you going? Why are you going there? Can I go with you? What's your name? Did I ask that already? Did I ask that already? Who am I? Where did I come from? Do you have the time? Why is the sky blue? Do you know where Bowser's castle is? Why am I so lost? Do you like waffles? When will I stop asking all these questions?
Larry: SHUT UP!!!
Koopa: Okay!
The Koopa put the duct tape back on his mouth and tried to walk away. Larry stopped him.
Larry: What are you doing here?
The Koopa tried to speak, but his mouth was duct taped shut.
Larry: Give me that! *yanks off duct tape* Well?
Koopa: I'm a hyper Koopa, I'm being hyper!
Larry: Oh no, not a hyper Koopa!
Koopa: Yes, yes, I am hyper!
Larry: Listen, before I tie you up like Luigi over here, did you see what he was up to; I mean, surely you ran into him before he came into the castle, right?
Koopa: Yeah, yeah, but that's not Luigi; Luigi came here with a girl!
Larry: A girl?!
Koopa: Yeah, yeah!
Larry: Erm, what was he planning on doing?
Koopa: He was planning on going to the king's castle and stealing a wand!
Larry: Ha, Luigi, Lemmy stole it first!
Lemmy, moving as best as he could, shook his head.
Koopa: If Lemmy stole it, why doesn't he have it?
Larry: He does too, he fled with it when I was beating up Luigi! It was weird though, he had a girl with him and grew a must- Uh oh! That's Lemmy over there, isn't it?
Koopa: Yeah, yeah!
Larry untied Lemmy. Lemmy jumped up and slapped Larry in the face.
Lemmy: I am telling on you; telling, telling, telling!
Larry: I'm sorry, Lemmy, I thought you were Luigi!
Lemmy: How?! It's pretty obvious I'm not Luigi!
Larry: I don't know, but we need to get the wand back from Luigi and that girl!
Lemmy: What did this girl look like?
Larry: Like Peach, only with Ludwig's hair!
Lemmy: That was Peach, then! They must be planning something!
Koopa: Hey, hey, I gotta tell you guyses something!
Lemmy and Larry: What?
Koopa: When I asked them questions, Luigi said he was going to the castle to get the wand so he could save his brother! I may not be the smartest hyper Koopa around, but do you think he could be going to all castles and stealing wands? It would make sense, you know, because then he could overpower you!
Larry: Whoa, for a total numbskull, you're a genius! It makes sense! We have to catch Luigi and Peach before they get all the wands!
With that, Larry, Lemmy, and even the hyper Koopa left to stop Peach and Luigi.