LEG ONE, Part 2
>>Team Scheme-4th
at Route Marker #2<<
Ludwig: A Fun
Fiction in Latin? That’d be “Ludwigus Potest Esse Bonus”, if I’m not mistaken!
Larry: Taxi!
Screech!
Ludwig: Take us to “Ludwig Can Be Good”, if you please.
Varoom!
>>Teams Mean,
Dream, and Fool-5th, 6th, and 7th at Route Marker #2<<
Screech!
Xananab: Who knew so much additional weight would slow us down that much, fanana!
Bowser: *rip* ACCORDING TO THIS CLUE, WE HAVE TO GO TO SOME LATIN FUN FICTION!
Bagels: Bowser, you’re so smart!
Bowser: SHUT UP, YOU PESKY MUTT!
Bagels: You’re so loving…
Wart: I remember that story… It’s on the tip of my tongue… ribbit…
Bowser: REALLY?! LET ME SEE!
Bowser tries to find the story on Wart’s tongue.
Bowser: FOUND IT!
Wart: But, that’s ribbit impossible! I meant it figuratively, ribbit!
Bowser: YEAH, BUT ON YOUR TONGUE, THERE WAS A STICKY NOTE! ON IT, IT SAID “LUDWIG CAN BE GOOD!”
L33T: TAXI!
Screech!
Wart: To “Ludwig Can Be Good”, ribbit!
Varoom!
>>Team Cream-8th
at Route Marker #2<<
Peach: Toad,
do you know a Fun Fiction that’s written in Latin?
Toad: No.
Peach: You’re useless!
Toad: OK!
>>Teams Steam,
Cheat, Bean, and Queen<<
Iggy: I think
we were fooled.
Kolorado: What makes you say that, old bean?
Iggy: Well, for starters, Team Scheme is nowhere to be seen.
Wario: Lousy Koopa Kids…
Wendy: I take offense to that!
Roy: Yeah!
Iggy: I agree!
…
Bowyer: Stop saying “I agree” you should!
Iggy: Whatever!
One argument later…
Clawdia: I think we’re in Lemmy’s Scribbles!
Wario: What’s-a your evidence?
Clawdia: There’s a bunch of unsuccessful musicians here… and Charlie Sheen.
Charlie Sheen: WINNING!
Lady Gaga: I made a dress out of Goombas!
Justin Beiber: Baby, baby, baby-
Waluigi: I’M AFRAID OF JUSTIN BEIBER!
Roy: Aren’t we all?
Justin Beiber gets squashed by a Thwomp.
…
Wario: Good evidence!
>>Team Cruel<<
Gloomtail: Hello,
I-
Bob-omb: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
KA-BOOM!
Hooktail: That was your worst attempt yet!
Gloomtail: Well, it’s not like you’re doing any better!
Hooktail: Whatever!
Gloomtail: How about we just head off to Lemmy’s Mysteries, and figure things out later.
Hooktail: Fine by me!
The two dragons take flight.
>>Teams Talk and
Cute<<
Rip Cheato: I’ll
give ya the info… for 64 coins, that is!
Susan: Fine…
***
Rip Cheato: “Ludwig Can Be Good”.
Yoshi: Wow!
Screech!
Birdo: You still got it!
Yoshi: Got what?
>>Teams What,
Kong, and Mario<<
The King: Servant,
this golf club is broken!
Daisy: First of all, I’m your daughter. Second, THAT’S DIDDY’S TAIL!
Diddy: It only took you twenty minutes to notice…
Luigi: Where are-a we going now?
DK shrugs.
Mario: My IQ is negative infinite!
Daisy: That explains a lot!
>>Team Scheme-2nd
at Whomp Stop<<
Screech!
Ludwig: Thank you, my good man.
Varoom!
Larry: Hey, the Whomp Stop!
Larry runs over to the Whomp Stop.
Larry: *rip* This member must be good with words.
Ludwig: I suppose I’m the more practical choice.
Larry: Agreed.
***
Koopa: Ludwig, your line is “Amo loqui. Possum loqui toto die. Possum ioxari, aut possum narrare fabulas. Amasne araneas? Amo arbores, et herbas, et cans, et-“
Ludwig: Isn’t that Morton’s line?
Koopa: It is. Now, translate!
Ludwig: “I love to talk. I can talk all day. I can tell jokes or I can tell stories. Do you like spiders? I like trees and grass and dogs and-“
Koopa: Correct! Here’s your clue.
Ludwig: Thank you, kind sir.
***
Larry: Where do we go now?
Ludwig: This clue states that we must head to Lemmy’s Mysteries.
Larry: What’s the quickest way to get there?
Koopa: I heard that a train’s coming by here, and heading to Lemmy’s Mysteries. If you’re fast, you can hitch a ride for free… but only Larry could do that…
Larry: I am Larry!
Koopa: Tell that to the billion Larry imposters.
Ludwig: -_-
>>Teams Mean,
Dream, and Fool-3rd, 4th, and 5th at Whomp Stop<<
Bowser: WE’RE
HERE!
Bagels: Master Bowser is so wonderful…
L33T: LOOK, TH3 WHOMP STOP!
The three teams dash over to it.
Xananab: This member must be good with words words bo bords, nana.
Playful: Me!
Wart: Me, ribbit!
Xananab: Me me bo be!
L33T: M3!
Xananab: Me!
L33T: M3!
Xananab: Me!
L33T: M3!
***
Koopa: Playful, your line is “Es stultus”.
Playful: “You are foolish”.
Koopa: That was fast.
Playful: I tell that line to Bowser every day.
Bowser: I THOUGHT THAT MEANT IGGY GOT A WEDGIE!
…
Koopa: Here’s your clue.
Bagels: Thanks!
Team Dream leaves.
Xananab: I should do this Whomp Stop Stop bo Bop, fanana!
L33T: I SHOULD!
Xananab: I SHOULD!
L33T: I SHOULD!
Xananab: I SHOULD!
***
Koopa: Wart, your line is “Cave! Ludwigus est iratus. Curre!”
Wart: Ribbit, “Beware! Ludwig is mad. Run!”
…
Koopa: I’m afraid to ask, but how did you figure that out so quickly?
Wart: Ribbit, it’s what the Latin Club would scream whenever Bowser was proven wrong in High School.
Bowser: I THOUGHT THAT MEANT I WAS AWESOME!
Wart: In your dreams, ribbit.
Koopa: These teams get weirder and weirder…
Bowser: WHAT?!
Koopa: Er, uh, here’s your clue… JUST DON’T HURT ME!
Bowser: I THOUGHT THAT’S WHAT YOU SAID!
Team Mean leaves, while Team Fool continues to bicker.
>>Team Cream<<
Toad: Princess,
look, a Gift Shop!
Peach: Now’s not the time to buy knick-knacks like a peasant, Toad!
Toad: But they’re selling maps! We could use one to find the next clue!
Peach: Fine, but be quick about it!
Toad: OK!
>>Teams Steam,
Cheat, Bean, and Queen<<
Wario: TAXI!
Roy: TAXI!
Wendy: TAXI!
Bowyer: TAXI, NYAH!
…
Mickey Mouse: Taxis don’t come to Lemmy’s Scribbles…
Roy, Iggy, Clawdia, Wendy, Wario, Kolorado, and Bowyer: 0_0
Waluigi: I’M AFRAID OF MICKEY MOUSE!
>>Team Cruel<<
Gloomtail: Hey,
look, a restaurant!
Hooktail: But we don’t have time to order food!
Gloomtail: That wasn’t where I was going at.
Gloomtail eats all the customers in the restaurant.
Gloomtail: And we still have time to spare!
…
Hooktail: Remind me to never eat in a restaurant near you again!
>>Teams Talk and
Cute-6th and 7th at Whomp Stop<<
Screech!
The teams exit their taxi.
Birdo: Thank you!
Driver: No, thank you!
Varoom!
Yoshi: He nice.
…
Morton: Hey, look, the clue, the one we’ve been looking, scouring, and searching for all this time! It’s here, right in front of us, right before our eyes, and-
Susan, Yoshi, and Birdo: MORTON!
Morton: Sorry, my apologies, and furthermore-
Birdo: *rip* According to this clue, this member must be good with words.
Susan, Yoshi, and Birdo glare at Morton.
Birdo: I hate the irony!
Doom: I love the irony!
…
Morton: Yay! I get to talk, speak, and converse without stop, end, and ceasing, and-
Yoshi: Yoshi remember Birdo learned Latin!
Birdo: Well, it’s been a couple of years… but I’ll give it a go!
***
Koopa: Morton, your line is “Nosco non. Non loquitur Koopisham. Stupidus est et-“
Morton: Isn’t that my line, the one I said, spoke, conversed, talked, and-
Koopa: Yes, it’s your line! In fact, it’s why the line was interrupted, BECAUSE OF YOUR BLABBER!
…
Morton: For the record, I have feelings, emotions, and also-
Koopa: JUST TRANSLATE THE LINE, ALREADY!
Morton: “I don’t know. He doesn’t speak Latin. He is stupid and-“
Koopa: CORRECT! Please, just take your clue and leave, already!
Morton grabs the clue, and Team Talk leaves.
Yoshi: Yoshi thought Team Talk wait for Yoshi and Birdo!
Susan (in the distance): What, you expected us Koopas to keep this alliance?! Ha!
Lemmy: Wow, Susan really does have a bad bone in her body! Don’t get me wrong, though, I still hate her.
>>Teams What,
Kong, and Mario<<
Diddy: Y’know,
I have a bad feeling that we’re in last place…
Daisy: Nice deduction, Sherlock!
Diddy: Is the sarcasm really necessary?
Daisy: Yes, it is!
…
Luigi: I think we should go-a find the Magic Lamp-a!
Lemmy: There is only one Magic Lamp hidden on each leg of the race. The team that finds it can skip all tasks, and warp directly to the pitstop. However, once a team has claimed a Magic Lamp, they can never use another one, so teams must decide when it is most advantageous to go for it. In this leg, teams must head over to my Spirit Page. Once there, they must perform the first fifty of my Spirit Cheers. The first team to do so can claim the Magic Lamp!
Diddy: Isn’t that a little… risky?
The King: It’s as risky as your cousin’s ugly!
...
Diddy: Dixie’s not gonna be pleased with that comment.
DK: Cool!
Mario: Wahoo!
Mario begins to run off to Lemmy’s Spirit Page.
Luigi: Wait up-a, you idiot!
Mario: Do the Mario!
A nearby group of tourists begin to do the Mario. Mario kills them soon afterwards.
Mario: I’m a murderer, heehee!
>>Teams Scheme,
Dream, Mean, and Talk<<
Bowser: WHY’RE
WE JUST STANDING HERE?!
Larry: I just told you, we’re waiting for a train!
Bowser: WELL, IT BETTER BE A GOOD ONE, CUZ I’M TIRED!
Choooooooooooooo-chooooooooooooooooooooo!
Bagels: That must be our ride!
Morton: Then let’s infiltrate this ride, right now, at this very moment, and-
Susan: C’mon, already!
>>Teams Cute and
Fool<<
Koopa: Birdo,
your line is, “Praesans!”
Birdo: Uh… Pass?
Koopa: Wrong!
***
Xananab: Fine, you do the Whomp Stop, fanana!
L33T: FINALLY!
***
Koopa: L33T HAMM3R BRO, your line is “Praesans”!
L33T: “H3R3!”
Koopa: That’s wro… er, correct!
Birdo: Dang it!
Xananab: Yay, we’re catching up up bo bup!
>>Team Cream<<
Toad: Peach,
I got the map!
Peach: Then read it, you bum!
Toad: OK!
One Analysis Later…
Toad: It’s this way!
Peach: Finally!
Toad: Taxi!
Screech!
Peach: Drive, and step on it!
Varoom!
>>Teams Steam,
Cheat, Bean, and Queen<<
Wario: Why don’t
taxis come-a here anymore?
Iggy: Probably because this place is too weird!
Kolorado: That makes sense, sport, that makes sense…
Wendy: So, where do we go now?!
Iggy: I suppose we could head to the Magic Lamp, but it could be anywhere!
Roy: Like… directly behind you?
Iggy: Yes, even behi-
Roy: TURN AROUND, MORON!
Iggy: Okay, sheesh.
Iggy turns around, to see-
Clawdia: Lemmy’s Spirit Page!
Waluigi: AAAAAAH! SPIRITS ARE SCARY! THEY HAUNT YOU UNTIL YOU DIE, WHICH I’M AFRAID OF DOING!
…
Bowyer: Pursue the Magic Lamp I don‘t want to. Too risky it is.
Kolorado: I have no idea what you just said, old bean!
Bowyer: Changed nothing has, nyah!
Teams Steam, Cheat, and Queen race to the Magic Lamp. Team Bean stays behind, as Bowyer explains what he said to Kolorado.
Bowyer: Save the Magic Lamp for another leg we should. Not worth the risk it is!
Kolorado: I think I understand you, buckaroo, and I agree completely!
Bowyer: A new nickname that is!
Kolorado: Well, I have to spice things up sometimes, sport!
Bowyer: Interesting that is, but the next route marker we must find!
Kolorado: I suppose you’re right!
>>Team Cruel<<
Hooktail: Yay,
we made it to Lemmy’s Mysteries!
Gloomtail: I thought we’d take longer, though.
Hooktail: We took a shortcut, remember?
***
Lemmy: My forum, ruined! NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
***
Hooktail: Well, enough small-talk, where’s the next route marker?
Gloomtail: That’s the part we were stuck on the last time!
>>Teams Scheme,
Dream, Mean, and Talk<<
Bagels: Who knew
hitching a ride on the roof of a train could be so much fun?!
Wart: Let’s just hope we can, ribbit, keep this lead up!
Ludwig: As a side note, it appears we’re getting closer to our destination!
Bowser: WOOHOO!
>>Team Fool<<
L33T: SYST3MS
D3T3CT AN UPDAT3! PROC33D?!
Xananab: Sure sure bo bure, fana.
…
L33T: Q()@NT1T13S 0F L33T-SP3@K 1NCR3@S3D!
Xananab: What did you say, nana?
L33T: F00L, () @PP3@R 2 B 2 N@1V3 2 ()ND3RST@ND MY L@ NG()@G3!
…
Xananab: I don’t know how to respond to this… nana…
>>Team Cute<<
Koopa: “Praeclarus”.
Birdo: Pass.
Koopa: “Bene”.
Birdo: Pass.
Yoshi: This hopeless!
>>Team Cream-8th
at Whomp Stop<<
Toad: This member
must be good with words.
Peach: You do it, I’ve been worn out with all that running!
Toad: But we were in a taxi!
Peach: Yeah, but the seats were painful to sit on!
Toad: You then sat on my face!
Peach: So?!
…
Toad: I don’t know why, but I fell that I should hate you for some reason. Weird.
…
Peach: Oh no, the brainwash is wearing off.
Lemmy: How does a brainwash wear of-
Peach: Sh, he’ll hear you!
>>Teams What and
Kong<<
Diddy: Well,
it appears the Mario Bros. have gone for the Magic Lamp, and we still
need to find the second route marker.
Daisy: Y’know, there’s really no point continuing this race. After all, it’s not like we’re gonna survive this leg, let alone win!
Diddy: Yeah, I guess we should just quit while we still have our dignity.
Daisy and Diddy begin to drag their partners from Lemmy’s Land, when-
GRAB!
-two mechanical claws from the ceiling grab the teams, one per claw.
Daisy: What just happened?!
DK: Cool.
Diddy: THIS ISN’T COOL!
DK: Okay!
The King: Yay, the apocalypse!
Daisy: AAAAAAAAAH! I’M TRAPPED WITH AN IDIOT!
…
Lemmy: Y’know, I don’t want to be here either!
Daisy: Then why are you here?!
Lemmy: Well, you went against rule 926, displayed on paragraph 72, subsection B, which clearly states that any creature foolish enough to enter this race cannot leave, unless they endure elimination.
Diddy: So… we have to race?
Lemmy: Exactly.
With that, the claws flick the two teams off to who-knows-where.
>>Team Mario<<
Mario: Wahoo!
Mario begins to jump around for no particular reason. He soon falls flat on his face.
Luigi: Sir, do you-a know where Lemmy’s Spirit Page is?
We see that Luigi’s talking to a portrait of a Goomba.
Luigi: Y’know, these portraits are-a nothing like-a the ones in my mansion!
Mario: Mamamia!
Luigi: What-a now, Mario?!
Luigi turns around, and the camera zooms out, to show that the Bros. are surrounded by photos.
…
Luigi: Mario, I think-a we’re in-a Lemmy’s Photos. That means… we’re close to-a the Magic Lamp!
…
Both: Yippee!
>>Team Bean<<
Bowyer: Know
how to get back to Fun Fiction do you?
Czar Dragon: Durrrrrrr… Weird guy talk funny.
Kolorado: Um, sir, can you please be of some assistance?
Czar Dragon: Ummmmmm…
Kolorado: You’re hopeless, sport.
Team Bean leaves.
Bowyer: A waste of time he was, nyah!
Kolorado: Wait… Did you say… a waste of time?
Bowyer: Say that I did, but know how that is relevant I do not.
Kolorado: Come, old bean, I’ll explain it along the way.
>>Teams Steam,
Cheat, and Queen<<
Wario: WAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
We-a made it!
Waluigi: AAAAAAAAAAAAH! I’M AFRAID OF IT!
Roy: I’m really starting to hate this guy.
Clawdia: Well, here’s the Magic Lamp!
Snifit: And speaking of said lamp, who’ll be participating in its cheers?
Waluigi: I’M AFRAID OF CHEERS!
…
Wario: Looks like-a I’ll do it!
Wendy: I was once a cheerleader, so I’ll do it!
Wario and Wendy race to the pom-poms.
Roy: Hey, weren’t you a cheerleader once?
Iggy: No, I was a motivational speaker. They’re totally different.
POW!
Iggy: But, uh, I’ve always wanted to know how to cheer!
And with that, Iggy charges at the pom-poms while Roy grins evilly.
>>Team Cruel<<
Gloomtail: Hey,
Sis, c’mere for a second.
Hooktail: Why?
Gloomtail: This billboard lists all the Nysteries in this Land.
Interested, Hooktail takes a look at the board.
Hooktail: Well, according to this, our next route marker’s at…
Both: ...Walrus Woes!
The Dragons take flight to said Mystery.
>>Teams Scheme,
Dream, Mean, and Talk<<
Ludwig: I believe
our destination has been reached!
Susan: Awwwww, and I was just getting to hugging Larry, too!
Larry: So… much… pain…
Playful: I’m growing impatient!
Morton: Then let us proceed, get to, and make time to jump, go up and down, hop, bounce, apply-
Susan: Morty?
Morton: What, huh, whuzzat, what do you want-
Bowser: WE’RE ALREADY OFF THE TRAIN, IDIOT!
Wart: Bowser, you know that’s your, ribbit, son, right?
Bowser: YEAH, SO?!
…
Wart: Never mind, ribbit.
Bagels: Isn’t Bowser the greatest?
Playful: No.
Morton jumps off the train, and the teams proceed to enter Lemmy’s Mysteries.
>>Team Fool<<
L33T: Y R ()
2 ST()P1D 2 G3T MY L@NG()@G3?!
Xananab: WHAT ARE YOU SAYING SAYING BO BAYING?!
…
L33T: L3T’S J()ST G0 2 L3MMY’S MYST3R13S!
Xananab: Huh?
L33T: T@X1!
Screech!
Driver: Not you chumps again…
>>Teams Cute and
Cream<<
Koopa: “Vale”.
Birdo: JUST MAKE IT END ALREADY!
Koopa: Correct, here’s your clue.
…
Birdo: I’m… correct?
Koopa: Kinda, Vale means “The End”.
Birdo: Oh…
Birdo takes the clue, and Team Cute leaves.
Koopa: Toad, you’re line is “Te audivi”.
Toad: Pass.
Peach: Toad, you’re an idiot!
Toad: OK!
>>Teams What and
Kong-9th and 10th at Route Marker #2<<
CRASH!
Diddy: Ow… My head…
DK: Not… cool…
The King: GOLF!
The Kongs facepalm.
Diddy: Hey, where’s Daisy?
DK points to his right, where Daisy can be found with-
Diddy: -the Route Marker!
Diddy drags his uncle, along with The King, towards the Route Marker. He then grabs a clue and reads.
Diddy: A Fun Fiction in Latin? What’s that?!
Daisy: I’m not sure. I was hoping you knew!
Diddy: I hate this race!
Daisy: You and me both!
>>Team Mario<<
Luigi: Marioooooooo!
Mario: It’s-a me, Mario!
Luigi: There-a you a-
Luigi sees it’s nothing more than a photo of the Mario head from Super Mario 64. Luigi facepalms and moves on.
>>Team Bean<<
Bowyer: Explain
the plan you should! Suspense I hate!
Kolorado: Stop being such a pushy sport, and I’ll tell you!
Bowyer: Fine. Explain yourself… please, nyah!
Kolorado: Thank you, old bean. Now, you know that Fun Fiction, “A Waste Of Time (Yours)”?
Bowyer: Quite popular it was!
Kolorado: Well, two score ago, when I was a young, handsome fellow, I-
Bowyer: That you now aren’t!
…
Bowyer: Apologize I do.
Kolorado: Anyways, forty years ago, I discovered the reason of why this Fun Fiction was a waste of time!
Bowyer: Little effort the author made?
Kolorado: That, and the fact that a generator gathered the insanity found in Lemmy’s Scribbles, and used it to form the Fun Fiction.
Bowyer: Makes sense it sorta does!
Kolorado: Correct. Now, if we can find that generator, we might just be able to use it as a teleportation device.
Bowyer: Um… Behind you is it?
Kolorado: No, it can’t be behi-
Bowyer: Look you should, nyah!
Kolorado whirls around to see the generator.
Kolorado: How did you fi-
Bowyer: A running gag it is. Now, go we must, nyah!
The weirdoes enter the generator, where they-
WOOOOOOOOOSH!
Where they-
WOOOOOOOOOSH!
Where they-
WOOOOOOOOOSH!
Oh, I give up.
>>Team Cheat-
Cheer #3<<
Wario (singing):
They don't mind being pied or snowed,
And their spirits
are overflowed!
Waluigi: WAHHHHH! MY EARS ARE BLEEDING, WHICH MAKES ME SCARED!
Wario: *sigh*
>>Team Queen-
Cheer #12<<
Wendy: DJesters
Royale - For the spirited fighter who is not afraid to make a fashion statement!
Clawdia: Way to cheer, sweety!
>>Team Steam-
Cheer #2<<
Iggy: Although
DJesters are real new, they're professionals in cheering. They're always
ready to spread a laugh, their spirits always shine through.
FLASH!
Iggy: What the-
FLASH!
We see Roy taking pictures with a camera.
Roy: This is so gonna go on Goombook!
>>Team Cruel-1st
at Route Marker #3<<
Gloomtail: At
long last, we’ve reached our destination.
Hooktail: But now we have to go to…*rip*… the first poll by Doom.
Lemmy: Teams must now make their way to my polls, where they’ll find Doom’s first and only poll thus far, concerning this race.
Gloomtail: I believe that said poll was about our race.
Hooktail: Man, we’re good!
The dragons, as always, take flight.
>>Teams Scheme,
Dream, Mean, and Talk<<
Bowser: WHERE’S
THE ROUTE MARKER?!
Ludwig: King Dad, please, relax.
Bowser: HOW DARE YOU TELL ME WHAT TO DO!
Ludwig: *sigh* Anyways, we’re attempting to find a Mystery by Lemmy that’s alphabetically last. Any suggestions?
Larry: Wait, even you don’t know?!
Ludwig: Surprising as it is, yes, I do not know.
Bowser: THIS IS AS HARD TO FIGURE OUT AS WHEN IGGY LOST THAT STUPID WALRUS!
Ludwig: Walrus… WALRUS WOES!
Wart: Ribbit, yes!
Morton: This is marvelous, superb, kooptacular, and, most of all, e-
Playful: SHUT IT!
The four teams walk over to Walrus Woes.
>>Team Fool<<
L33T: G0 F@ST3R,
N00B!
Driver: I hate my life!
>>Team Cute<<
Birdo: Yoshi,
honey, do you know of an alphabetically last Mystery?
Yoshi: Yoshi no know what “alphabetically” means.
Birdo: *sigh*
>>Team Cream<<
Koopa: “Rident”.
Toad: Pass.
Peach: IDIOT!
Toad: OK!
>>Teams What,
Kong, and Bean<<
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSH!
Kolorado: Hello, old beans!
Team Kong and Daisy: 0o0
Bowyer: Teleported here we have, nyah!
Kolorado: Looky here, teapot.
Bowyer: Another nickname that is!
Bowyer turns to see-
Bowyer: -the Route Marker this is!
*11th at Route Marker #2*
Kolorado: What luck, old beans! It just so happens I love foreign languages!
Diddy: Awesome!
DK: Cool!
Daisy: Then, where should we head?
Kolorado: Ludwigus Potest Esse Bonus.
Diddy: Huh?
Kolorado begins marching towards his destination.
Daisy: Can’t we just get a taxi?
Bowyer: Very proud of himself Kolorado is. Ruin it by pointing out the obvious you shouldn’t, nyah!
With that, the other five imbeciles catch up to Kolorado.
>>Team Mario<<
Luigi: Mariooooooooooo!
…
Luigi: I-a have cheeeeeeeeeeese!
Mario comes out of Luigi’s ‘stache.
Luigi: Uh… Anyways, TAXI!
…
Mario: CHEESE!
Screech!
Luigi: Go-a figure.
Varoom!
>>Team Cheat-
Cheer #19<<
Wario (singing):
They have a lot of spirit-a and they're here to cheer today! Yay!
Waluigi: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
Wario: Hey, I’m-a not enjoying this-a either!
>>Team Queen-Cheer
#33<<
Wendy (singing):
My hat, it has three jingles. Three jingles has my hat. And if it not three
jingles. It would not be my hat.
>>Team Steam-Cheer
#17<<
Iggy: We're filled
with spirit and bursting at the seams!
Roy: Hurry up, already!
>>Team Cruel-1st
at Junction<<
Gloomtail: Once
more, I’m correct.
Hooktail: Well, this Junction is… *rip*… Fly or Guy.
Lemmy: A Junction is a choice between two tasks, each with their own pros and cons. In this leg, teams can choose either Fly or Guy (heh heh, Fly Guy, heh heh). In Fly, teams must find a way to get over this conveniently-placed gap. If teams know what they’re doing, this’ll be a cinch. Otherwise, it’s incredibly difficult. In Guy, teams must enter a pen of one hundred Shy Guys, 99 red and one blue. Teams must catch the Blue Shy Guy in this task, who’ll give them a clue for doing so. This challenge may take longer, but it’s something anyone can do.
Hooktail: Fly?
Gloomtail: Fly.
Team Cruel strolls over to said gap, and beat their wings leisurely to get to the other side. There, they find their next clue.
Hooktail: *rip* Yay, the pitstop!
Lemmy: Teams must now head back to Lemmy’s Mysteries, in order to find Doom’s first submission, Deadly Disaster. This mystery is also the pitstop of the first leg, where the last team to arrive will be eliminated!
Hooktail: Any ideas?
Gloomtail: None.
Hooktail: *sigh* Let’s ask around again.
Gloomtail: Let’s try the tourists this time. They’re less vulnerable.
Hooktail: Good call!
>>Teams Scheme,
Dream, and Mean-2nd, 3rd, and 4th at Route Marker #3<<
Larry: Not that
I care, but where’s Team Talk?
Wart: Your father, ribbit, tossed ‘em in a dumpster.
Larry: Sounds reasonable.
Bowser: I’M AWESOME!
Bagels: I love you, Master!
Bowser: SHUT UP!
Ludwig: *rip* According to this clue, our next destination is… Oh, look, an Amayzee Dayzee!
Everyone whirls around to see this rare creature, while Ludwig grabs Larry and begins running.
Larry: What’re you doing?
Ludwig: Setting up a distraction.
Larry: Cool!
Ludwig: TAXI!
Screech!
Ludwig: Lemmy’s Polls.
Larry: And fast!
Varoom!
>>Team Talk<<
Morton: Why must
my father, dad, and papa be so violent, agitated, bloodthirsty, brutal,
berser- OOF!
Susan: Sorry, Morty, but we have to catch up!
Morton: Well, not that you care, hope, and want to listen, but I, Morton Koopa Jr, believe we must go to, venture, and visit Walrus Woes.
Susan: Great job, Morty!
…
Susan: Fine, Morton!
Morton: Great, wonderous, superb, gloriu-
Susan: Taxi!
…
Susan: I guess taxis don’t stop at dumpsters…
Screech! Screech! Screech!
Susan: Wow, Morton, your Mom can do something useful!
Morton: What, huh, whazzat, whowha-
Varoom!
>>Team Cute<<
Yoshi: Yoshi
hungryyyyyyyyyyyyyy!
Birdo: I know, honey, me too! Let’s just finish this mean ol’ leg, and we can eat!
Yoshi: *sigh* Okay.
Birdo: Now, let’s go ask some tourists.
***
Birdo: Do you know of the alphabetically-last mystery Lemmy made?
Lil Cheep Cheep: Of course! After all, I did create the best Mystery!
Birdo: So, can you show us?
Lil Cheep Cheep: Sure! Folloooooow MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
>>Team Fool<<
Screech!
L33T: “W31RD03S R ()S” @G@1N?!
Xananab: Rats, fanana!
>>Team Cream<<
Koopa: “Benissime”.
Toad: Oh, I know this one! Good!
Koopa: No, great.
Peach: ARGH!
>>Teams What,
Kong, and Bean-9th, 10th, and 11th at Whomp Stop<<
Daisy: The Whomp
Stop!
Diddy: Finally!
Kolorado: As said before, I’m quite sportish with my Latin!
Koopa: Kolorado, your line is “Non debes edere”.
Peach: WHAT ABOUT US?
Kolorado: “You should not eat”.
Koopa: Finally, someone who knows Latin! Here’s your clue.
Kolorado: Thank, old bean.
Bowyer: *rip* To Walrus Woes we must go.
Kolorado: Jolly good. Taxi!
Screech!
Bowyer: At Walrus Woes we must be.
Driver: Um…
Kolorado: Walrus Woes.
Driver: Gotcha.
Varoom!
…
Daisy: Uh… I guess I should volunteer.
Diddy: Even though I can’t speak Latin, I’ll join you.
The King: I’m the King!
Diddy: Apparently.
***
Koopa: Daisy, your line is “Quid”.
Daisy and The King: What?!
Koopa: Correct. Here’s your clue.
Daisy: Gee… Thanks.
Peach: Oh, come on!
Toad: THIS IS UNCALLED FOR!
…
Toad: Er, uh, OK!
…
Koopa: And, uh, Diddy, your line is “Nosco non”.
Diddy: I don’t know.
Koopa: Correct, and here’s your clue.
Diddy: Thanks. Daisy, wait up!
Peach: This is the corniest piece of bad luck ever!
>>Team Mario<<
Luigi: Well,
here-a we a-
>>Team Cheat-Cheer
#50<<
Waluigi: HOW’D
WE GET FROM CHEER 19 TO 50?! I’M SCARED!
Wario: Cheating, now SHUT IT! Ahem, at each turn, they offer novel things to do!
Snifit: Congrats, Team Cheat! You’re the first team to claim… the Magic Lamp!
Wario: Gimme!
Wario KO’s the Snifit, grabs the Magic Lamp, and rubs it furiously. Puffs of smoke begin to form.
Genie: Ho ho ho!
Waluigi: WAAHHHHHHHHH! YOU’RE SCARY!
Genie (ignoring Waluigi): I am the Genie that rules over the lamp! I shall take you to your destination!
Roy: All of us?
Genie: No, just the Warios!
Wario: WAHAHAHAHAHA! I’m-a gonna win!
Quick as you please, the Genie, Mario Party 4-styled, takes Team Cheat to their destination.
Luigi: -re.
Wario and Waluigi: WAAAAAAAAAAAAH-OOF!
Waluigi: PAIN IS SCARY!
Wario: Shut it!
Doom: Welcome to Deadly Disaster!
Waluigi: WAAAH! I’M AFRAID OF DISASTERS!
Lemmy: Wario?
Wario KO’s Waluigi by flicking his ear (he faints from fear).
Lemmy: Team Cheat… you’re the first team to arrive.
***TEAM CHEAT - FIRST PLACE – 5:01 PM***
Wario: WAHOO!
Lemmy: Oh, wait, I almost forgot!
Lemmy pulls a switch, causing a trap door to open under the mat Team Cheat is standing on.
Wario: I-A HATE YOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUU!
Lemmy: Also, for winning the leg, you get the shock of a lifetime.
Lemmy pushes a wheelburrow of Jelectros into view, then stops.
Lemmy: On second thought, I think Manta Storm reached the bottom by now.
Wario: BLAGIDIBLAGIDIBLAG! END TRANSMISSION!
Lemmy: Thought so!
Read
on!
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in Lemmy's Polls for who should survive the next elimination!
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