Round One
Characters remaining:
Seed 1: Bowser
Seed 2: Shadow Mario
Seed 3: Mecha Bowser
Seed 4: Manta Storm
Seed 5: King Boo
Seed 6: Eely-Mouth
Seed 7: Petey Piranha
Seed 8: Gooper Blooper
Seed 9: Wiggler
Seed 10: Chain Chomp
Seed 11: Polluted Piranha
Seed 12: Green Electro-Koopa
Seed 13: Plungelo
Seed 14: Monty Mole
Seed 15: Big Boo
Seed 16: Missile Bill
Seed 17: Chain Chomplet
Seed 18: Pokey
Seed 19: Bullet Bill
Seed 20: Bob-omb
Seed 21: Electro-Koopa
Seed 22: Cataquack
Seed 23: Red Boo
Seed 24: Boo
Seed 25: Bubba
Seed 26: Blooper
Seed 27: Piranha Plant
Seed 28: Beehive
Seed 29: Cheep Cheep
Seed 30: Coo Coo
Seed 31: Soarin’ Stu
Seed 32: Strollin’ Stu
Don Pianta: Hey everyone, dis is da Don! Youse is watching da Season Premiere of Enemy Tourney!
Lemmy: Why are you here?
Don Pianta: Well ya see, dese here folk wanted da boss of da Piantas ta host a tourney takin’ place here on Isle Delfino here. Ain’t dat right, boys?
Vinnie: Dat’s right, boss!
Frankie: Right on da money, boss!
Lemmy: But Polkamon is paying ME to host. He’s giving me 1,000 coins for hosting until the end of the tournament.
Don Pianta: Youse is gettin’ PAID? Lemme see dis chump Polkamon!
Don Pianta and his goons storm off.
Lemmy: … All right. So anyway, 32 enemies from Super Mario Sunshine are going head to head in this epic tourney. It will be in the form of a common seeded tournament. Kind of like Roy’s Sports Hall Season Ten, if you will.
Don Pianta and his goons storm in.
Don Pianta: Right, I roughed da guy up good, so he’s payin’ me as good as youse.
Lemmy: That’s… wonderful.
Don Pianta: Yeah. So now, dese 32 chumps’ll fight to da death for absolutely nothin’!
Lemmy: Well… no one said that it was a fighting tourney.
Don Pianta: Aw, come on! Da only thing enjoyable about dis place is da tussles we get ta see!
Lemmy: I’m doing Round One my way. You do Round Two your way.
Don Pianta: Is youse arguin’ wit da Don?
Lemmy: … No.
Don Pianta: Good. Hey, youse losers in Seeds 16 and 17! Youse is gonna tussle right here!
Round 1 Match 1:
16 Missile Bill
VS
17 Chain Chomplet
Missile Bill: Okay! Target locked. Now attacking.
Chain Chomplet: Arf!
Lemmy: Missile Bill is homing toward Chain Chomplet at high speed!
Chain Chomplet: Arf!
Missile Bill: Nearing target… Contact in roughly five seconds…
Don Pianta: Da homin’ missile is closin’ in on da dog on a chain!
Missile Bill: Contact…
BOOM!
Lemmy: And the winner is…
The smoke clears.
Lemmy: … Chain Chomplet!
Don Pianta: Not bad! Da dog made a sharp left last second, causin’ da missile to ram inta a wall an’ explode!
Lemmy: Next battle!
Round 1 Match 2
15 Big Boo
VS
18 Pokey
Big Boo: I can’t touch him…
Pokey: Umm… Can I touch you?
Pokey attempts to touch Big Boo by inching toward him slowly. He finally gets to him and goes right through him.
Pokey: … Nope.
Big Boo: Let’s just get this over with.
Big Boo makes a scary face. Pokey inches away and falls off the edge of a dock into the water.
Lemmy: And Big Boo wins. Next!
Round 1 Match 3
14 Monty Mole
VS
19 Bullet Bill
Bullet Bill: Ha! You’re a mere Monty Mole! How will you beat me?
Monty Mole: I’m a mere Monty Mole…
Monty Mole pulls out a cannon with Bullet Bill attachments.
Monty Mole: …with a cannon.
Bullet Bill: Oh no…
Monty Mole shoots continuous streams of Bullet Bills at his opponent. One eventually hits him.
Bullet Bill: Oof…
Don Pianta: And da missile’s down, da mole wins. Next!
Round 1 Match 4
13 Plungelo
VS
20 Bob-omb
Plungelo: Quack!
Bob-omb: Well, there’s nothing else to do. Explode!
BOOM!
Sizzle…
Lemmy: Wow…
Don Pianta: Dat stupid Bob-omb. He exploded himself and da duck and made a tie.
Lemmy: So what happens?
Don Pianta: Dey both move on, I guess. Dere’s really nothin’ ta do. Next!
Round 1 Match 5
12 Green Electro-Koopa
VS
21 Electro-Koopa
Electro-Koopa: Go, shell toss!
Green Electro-Koopa: Same!
WHAM!
Don Pianta: Dey isn’t real smart, is dey.
Lemmy: Well, the green one’s shell was bigger, so he basically electrocuted the smaller one into defeat.
Don Pianta: Works fer me. Next!
Round 1 Match 6
11 Polluted Piranha
VS
22 Cataquack
Polluted Piranha: Guh, I can’t move. I’ll just spray sludge at it.
Cataquack: Quack! Quack!
Polluted Piranha: What? No, get away from me. I said get awa-AAAAAAHHHH!
Cataquack: Quack quack!
Lemmy: And Cataquack was able to hoist Polluted Piranha so far into the air he landed in the ocean. And we all know what happens to him if he touches water.
Don Pianta: Oh wells. Next!
Round 1 Match 7
10 Chain Chomp
VS
23 Red Boo
Chain Chomp: ARF!
Red Boo: This dog is really annoying! Gah!
Don Pianta: And da battle has turned into a game o’ tag.
Chain Chomp: Arf! *drools*
Red Boo: Dude! That’s gro-
Lemmy: And the Chomp’s drool has turned Red Boo into a platform.
Don Pianta: And da Chomp is just goin’ over it…
Chain Chomp: Arf! Arf!
Splash!
Lemmy: …and Red Boo wins. Next!
Round 1 Match 8
9 Wiggler
VS
24 Boo
Wiggler: Hi! I’m Wiggler, it’s great to meet you!
Lemmy: Oh yeah, the Wiggler isn’t mad, so he’s not going to fight…
Wiggler: It’s so great to meet you, I haven’t had a lot of company in a while…
Boo: … Ok.
Wiggler: You know, back in Gelato Beach, I met this really cool guy. He gave me cool shades…
Boo: Yeah yeah, great. Just get away from the Shine Tower, the light from it really hurts me…
Wiggler: Light… reminds me of the time I fell to pieces and almost died because there was too much light shining on me! GAAAAAAAHHHHH!
Boo: Oops…
Don Pianta: Dis is interestin’! Da worm’s on a rampage now!
Wiggler: I HATE LIGHT! I HATE LIGHT! I HATE LIGHT!
Boo: Oof! Ow! Hey, I thought we were friends! Ouch! That’s it, I’m leaving.
Boo floats away.
Lemmy: And I guess that means Wiggler wins. Next!
Round 1 Match 9
8 Gooper Blooper
VS
25 Bubba
Bubba: All right, you’re going down! Come here so I can eat you!
Gooper Blooper: Nope! Tentacle strangle!
Gooper Blooper wraps two of his tentacles around Bubba, choking him.
Bubba (in strangled voice): Wow, you’ve got a tight grip.
Gooper Blooper: I know. Say goodbye.
Bubba: Bye, Mommy.
Gooper Blooper tosses Bubba off into the distance.
Lemmy: Wow.
Splash!
Lemmy: Must have landed somewhere in Water Land.
Don Pianta: Wow, dat’s pretty far. Next!
Round 1 Match 10
7 Petey Piranha
VS
26 Blooper
Petey Piranha: Sludge Wave!
Blooper: Ack! Ink Blast!
Petey Piranha: No! I can’t see anymore!
Lemmy: You never had eyes in the first place!
Petey Piranha: I see through special cameras in my teeth! And now they’re covered in ink!
Petey walks lopsidedly into a pool of water.
Don Pianta: Interestin’, da squid beat da plant. Dis sure makes fer an interestin’ tourney.
Lemmy: No kidding… Next!
Round 1 Match 11
6 Eely-Mouth
VS
27 Piranha Plant
Eely-Mouth: Toxic bubbles!
Piranha Plant: Gah!
Lemmy: Piranha Plant just barely avoids the bubbles!
Piranha Plant: Get over here! I need to chomp on you!
Eely-Mouth: No way! Toxic bubbles!
Piranha Plant: Whoa! Close call, I guess.
Don Pianta: Okay, we know that youse is gonna lose, would you just get hit?
Piranha Plant: No way! Sludge Attack!
Eely-Mouth: Ha! If I can handle my own teeth, I can handle some dumb sludge hurled by you.
Piranha Plant: They must smell.
Eely-Mouth: They do. You wanna smell them?
Piranha Plant: Umm… Sure. But you’ll have to come to me, since I can’t move.
Eely-Mouth: Okay.
Eely-Mouth slithers over to Piranha Plant. He opens his mouth and finally realizes…
Eely-Mouth: Wait… How am I here without any water?
Piranha Plant: Did I fool you?
Eely-Mouth: Guh… glurk! Need… water!
Piranha Plant: Oh no you don’t! Chomp!
Chomp!
Eely-Mouth: Gah!
Don Pianta: Not a bad trick used by da plant! He tricked da eel into comin’ outta da water!
Lemmy: That’s actually pretty cool. Piranha Plant wins! Next!
Round 1 Match 12
5 King Boo
VS
28 Beehive
King Boo: Bleahehehe! I’m the king of the Boos! How do you expect to defeat me?
Bees: Bzzz! Bzz bzzz!
The bees attempt to attack, only to go right through him.
King Boo: I’m a Boo! My only weak spot is my crown!
Bees: …!
King Boo: … Did I say that out loud?
Bees: BZZZZ!
King Boo: Oh dear…
In a panic, King Boo lashes out his tongue and actually manages to eat all of the bees.
Lemmy: Incredible! King Boo acted like Yoshi and ate all the bees! And now I know how to get some more Blue Coins in my game file!
Don Pianta: Impressive win dere, ghosty. Next!
Round 1 Match 13
4 Manta Storm
VS
29 Cheep Cheep
Manta Storm: …
Cheep Cheep: One of those strong silent types, huh?
Manta Storm: …
Cheep Cheep: Is that a yes?
Manta Storm: …
Cheep Cheep: Fine, I’ll take it as a yes. Umm… Belly Flop!
Cheep Cheep belly flops onto the Manta Storm.
Cheep Cheep: BLAGGIRABLAGIDABADOO!!
Manta Storm: …
Cheep Cheep: Okay… You can fight like that… Oh I’m tired.
Cheep Cheep falls over.
Lemmy: Manta Storm wins!
Manta Storm: …
Lemmy: Hehe, guess you’re so excited you’re speechless. Next!
Round 1 Match 14
3 Mecha Bowser
VS
30 Coo Coo
Mecha Bowser: Is this my lunch? I do like chicken.
Don Pianta: Dat thing’s a poisonous chicken.
Mecha Bowser: Don’t care, all my internal organs are solid steel and can’t be poisoned.
Don Pianta shrugs.
Coo Coo: No! Please don’t eat me! I taste awful!
Gulp.
Lemmy: And Mecha Bowser wins!
Mecha Bowser: Mmm, yummy. So when is my match for Enemy Tourney?
Don Pianta: 6 hours. Get yerself ready.
Mecha Bowser: Okay!
Don Pianta: Next!
Round 1 Match 15
2 Shadow Mario
VS
31 Soarin’ Stu
Shadow Mario: …
Soarin’ Stu: Okay, um, well I’m a common minion, and you’re my boss, so do you think you’ll win?
Shadow Mario: …
Soarin’ Stu: Yes, no?
Shadow Mario: …!
Soarin’ Stu: Ow!
Lemmy: Shadow Mario just kicked Soarin’ Stu!
Soarin’ Stu: Yeah?
Soarin’ Stu flies high. Really high.
Soarin’ Stu: Try hitting me all the way up here!
Orange paint flies through the air and just barely misses Soarin’ Stu.
Soarin’ Stu: Wow, close shave…
An hour or so later…
Lemmy: Will one of you just give up? I don’t want another tie.
Shadow Mario transforms back into Bowser Jr.
Bowser Jr.: Fine, I’ll leave! This is getting boring… and I like Super Mario Galaxy much better than this lame game.
Bowser Jr. leaves.
Don Pianta (on megaphone): Ok, youse can come down now! Youse beat da 2 seed!
Soarin’ Stu flies down.
Soarin’ Stu: I did? Yay!
Don Pianta: Next!
Lemmy: And final battle in Round One!
Round 1 Match 16
1 Bowser
VS
32 Strollin’ Stu
Bowser: Bwahahaha! A little fire breath should do the trick…
Strollin’ Stu: No don’t hit me! Don’t hit me!
Bowser: You get back here now or you’re fired! Or actually…
Bowser grins.
Bowser: Maybe I should put you in the next Mario Is Missing game.
Strollin’ Stu: NO! That game is awful! Please scorch me with fire!
Bowser: Bwahaha!
SCORCH
Lemmy: And the winner is King Dad, aka Bowser!
Bowser: YEAH! Who’s the champ? I AM!
Don Pianta: And dat’s it fer dis episode! Tune in next time fer Round Two!
Characters remaining:
Seed 1: Bowser
Seed 3: Mecha Bowser
Seed 4: Manta Storm
Seed 5: King Boo
Seed 8: Gooper Blooper
Seed 9: Wiggler
Seed 12: Green Electro-Koopa
Seed 13: Plungelo
Seed 14: Monty Mole
Seed 15: Big Boo
Seed 17: Chain Chomplet
Seed 20: Bob-omb
Seed 22: Cataquack
Seed 23: Red Boo
Seed 26: Blooper
Seed 27: Piranha Plant
Seed 31: Soarin’ Stu