Paper Larry: Fall of the Witch

By Larry

Chapter 2: Storming the Fortress

Larry and Shy Ranger return to Toad Town and are about to head east when they notice four Toads with back Mushrooms instead of white ones.

Black Toad #1: Hey, you shouldn’t go through here!

Black Toad #2: Yeah, it’s dangerous!

Black Toad #3: You should just go home!

Black Toad #4: WE’RE THE KOOPA BROS!

Black Toads 1, 2, and 3: YOU IDIOT!!

The four Toads start fighting and their disguises come off, revealing the Koopa Bros.

Red: Uh oh…

Green: Run!!

The Koopa Bros. bravely run away.

Larry: I have a terrible feeling those were the Koopa Bros. I hate this adventure already.

Shy Ranger: Me too…

Larry: Say, ever get the feeling you’ve forgotten something?

Meanwhile, a Magikoopa arrives on the path to Shooting Star Summit.

Magikoopa: Sorry I’m late, I…Hey! Where are they?!

Meanwhile, Larry and Shy Ranger head east out of Toad Town. Suddenly a Koopa Troopa with a red shell appears.

Koopa Troopa: Stop! I will destroy you!

Larry: Well well, if it isn’t a traitor…

Larry whacks Koopa Troopa into a tree with his nose hairs, killing the minion. Then, a Spiked Goomba appears.

Spiked Goomba: Die!

Shy Ranger kicks the Spiked Goomba, who dies.

Larry: Lame! Let’s just get to the next main destination.

Larry and Shy Ranger start dancing; as they do so, the screen pans to the next location.

Larry and Shy Ranger: *singing* Now is the time! Now is the best time! Now is the best time of your life! There’s so much to cheer for, be glad you’re here! For it’s the best time of your liiiife!

Larry and Shy Ranger end in Koopa Village. The Koopas are running around without their shells, which are being stolen by Fuzzies.

Koopa: Help us!

Larry: No.

Koopa: Please?

Larry: Fine…

Larry sets a nearby Fuzzy on fire.

Fuzzy: Agghh!! *dies*

Shy Ranger chases another Fuzzy down and karate-chops it in half. A Fuzzy carrying a blue shell bounces by, with a Koopa chasing it.

Kooper: Help! My shell!!

Larry: Mario Partner?! Kill!!!

Larry shoots Kooper with a laser beam, and the poor Koopa disintegrates.

Larry: Forget this, let’s just go.

Shy Ranger: That would mean us coming here was just filler…

Larry: Well, I got to kill a Mario Partner…

Shy Ranger: …

Larry and Shy Ranger walk through Koopa Village, ignoring the Fuzzies and Koopas begging for help, and make it to the path leading to Koopa Bros. Fortress.

Larry: We’re only three pages in, and we’re already near the Fortress! We need a distraction of some kind. Maybe a-

Meanwhile, the Ten Heavenly Knights are having a meeting.

Hooded Figure: Larry is starting to seriously irk me. We need to work harder to eliminate him!

King Dedede: Darn tootin’! That meddlesome Koopa’s meddlesome brother eliminated another one of us!

Hooded Figure: I think it’s time we sent some assassins. I think four would be good.

One of the eleven coffins appears and then teleports to Plit.

Hooded Figure: My second-in-command shall send one as well.

The man with the glowing red eye nods, but says nothing. A new person appears and is placed in a pod, which is teleported to Plit as well. The female member speaks up.

Woman: I’ll send one of my red ones, the job will be done quickly.

Another person appears and is put in a pod, which is teleported to Plit.

Commander Red: We’ll send another of our own.

The Hooded Figure repeats the process.

Man with Orange Hair: Why were the last three put in pods?

Hooded Figure: Well, I did that because-

Meanwhile, the coffin appears somewhere on Plit and opens up. Something small and black darts out of it. The first pod arrives on Plit and opens, an odd rattling sound is heard. The second pod arrives on Plit, in front of a Koopa.

Koopa: What the?

The pod opens and fire shoots out of it, killing the Koopa. A laugh is heard from the pod. The final pod arrives on Plit and a purple blur darts out of it.

Meanwhile, Larry and Shy Ranger see a fortress.

Larry: Is that the Fortress?

The Fortress becomes a man.

Man: Nope! Chuck Testa!

Chuck Testa leaves.

Larry and Shy Ranger: …

They move onward and come across another fortress.

Larry: That’s probably it.

Larry knocks on the door.

Larry: Open up!

???: No, I don’t zink so!

Larry: Hmm?

Larry looks up, and sees a French guy in medieval armor on the roof, peering down at them.

French Guy: Go away, your mother was a hamster, and-

Larry: All right, we get it, Monty Python. Where’s Koopa Bros. Fortress?

French Guy: Right next door.

He points to a fortress right next to the one the French Guy is in.

Larry: Thanks!

French Guy: Whatever.

Larry and Shy Ranger go to the fortress, and see Black outside.

Black: Ah! They’re here!

He runs in.

Shy Ranger: Dang, I was hoping we could go in undetected…

Larry: We can still be sneaky…

Larry charges at the door and knocks it off its hinges, causing it to clatter noisily on the floor.


Shy Ranger: What are you doing?!


Shy Ranger: *whispering* Shut up!

Koopa Troopa: Hey! I hear whispering!

Shy Ranger: …

A Koopa Troopa charges at Shy Ranger, who grabs the foe by the wrist, and slams him into a wall. This causes the Koopa Troopa to drop a key. Shy Ranger then knocks the enemy out with a neck chop.

Shy Ranger: All right, let’s go.

He unlocks the door and the two go into the next room. A Bob-omb drops from the ceiling and blows up, knocking the duo to the floor.

Both: Ow…

The two recover and see two more Bob-ombs.

Bob-omb #1: Well, greetings, old bean! Let’s have a jolly good fight!


Shy Ranger: …

Larry: The enemies are getting weirder… and less funny…

Bob-omb #2: AHAHAHAHA!

He explodes, killing himself and Bob-omb #1.

Larry: I hate this place.

Shy Ranger: Same here…

The two go into the next room and see Green putting a key into a cage.

Green: Those two will never get past this room now!

Larry: *ahem* Hello.

Green: Ahh! Retreat!

Green runs to the door… but it’s locked.

Green: Crud, I should’ve thought this through…

Larry: You are so dead!

Green: Eep!

Green throws a smoke bomb to the floor, which goes off. When the smoke clears, Green is gone!

Larry: Forget the key!

Larry melts the lock with his fire breath and opens the door. Higher in this new room, out of sight, Yellow is fiddling with a ? Block.

Yellow: Those fools won’t know what hit them…

He notices Larry and Shy Ranger entering the room.

Yellow: Whoop!

He goes further into the fortress. Larry and Shy Ranger make to it to the ? Block.

Larry: Ooh! A block!

Shy Ranger: Maybe you shouldn’t-

Larry hits the block and the platform they are standing on opens. The two fall into a cage full of Bob-ombs.

Bombette: Hey, are you okay?

Larry: Die, Mario Partner!!

Larry inhales, preparing for a fire attack.

Shy Ranger: LARRY, DON’T!!!

Larry breathes fire on Bombette, causing her and all of the other Bob-ombs to explode. The blast sends Larry and Shy Ranger upwards through several ceilings, until they go through the roof, fly up in the air, and land on a bridge on the Fortress.

Larry: So much pain…

Shy Ranger: You… idiot…

At the end of the bridge, a door opens up and Red jumps out.

Red: You think you’ve won? Well, you haven’t! You caught us off-guard, that’s all! Get them!

Black, Yellow, and Green come from the door and magically summon Bill Blasters. By the time all that is done, Larry and Shy Ranger have already crossed the bridge.

Red: Ahhh… crud. Retreat!

The four Koopas run back through the door and lock it behind them. When they open it they enter a room consisting of a platform stretching from the door to the opposite wall and a pit. Also, Bowser is in there!!

Bowser???: Gwahahaha! You’ve made it!

Larry: King Dad?!

Shy Ranger: You’ve got to be kidding…

Bowser???: Yes, it is I, Bowser!

Larry: I’ve missed you, King Dad!

Shy Ranger: That isn’t Bowser! He’s fake! You can see the wheels, among other things!

Larry isn’t listening and hugs Bowser???, who hugs back.

Larry: I missed you, King Dad.

Bowser???: I missed you, Son!

Shy Ranger: Oh for the love of…

Shy Ranger karate-kicks Bowser???’s head, which comes clean off.

Larry: Wha?!

The Koopa Bros. come out of the fake Bowser’s body.

Red: How did you see through our disguise?!

Green: It was foolproof!

Shy Ranger: Oh my God…

Yellow: You’ll never defeat us!



Larry: 150/150
Shy Ranger: 145/145
Red: 125/125
Black: 115/115
Green: 105/105
Yellow: 90/90

Larry uses Bite on Yellow! 7 Damage!
Shy Ranger uses Karate Moves on Green! 10 Damage!
Red uses Shell Spin on Larry! He misses!
Black uses Punch on Shy Ranger! 5 Damage!
Green uses Smoke Bomb! He can’t be seen, he is invincible for 2 turns!
Yellow uses Trap on Larry! 8 Damage!

Larry: 142/150
Shy Ranger: 140/145
Red: 125/125
Black: 115/115
Green: 95/105 (Invincible! Two turns left!)
Yellow: 83/90

Larry uses Nose Hairs! 20 Damage to all foes except Green!
Shy Ranger uses Laser Watch on Black! 15 Damage!
Red uses Shell Spin on Shy Ranger! 10 Damage! Shy Ranger is dizzy for 2 turns!
Black uses Double Axe Handle on Larry! Critical Hit! 35 Damage!
Green uses Key Stab on Shy Ranger! 10 Damage!
Yellow smiles! Nothing happens!

Red: What are you doing, Yellow?!

Yellow: Wha?

Red: Forget it!

Larry: 107/150
Shy Ranger: 120/145 (Dizzy! Two turns left!)
Red: 105/125
Black: 80/115
Green: 95/105 (Invincible! One turn left!)
Yellow: 63/90

Larry uses Stick O’ Dynamite! It hits Red and Black for 30 Damage!
Shy Ranger uses Karate Kick on Red! Oops! He hits Larry instead for 20 Damage!
Red uses Ninja Punch on Shy Ranger! 10 Damage!
Black uses Ninja Kick on Larry! He misses!
Green uses Smoke Bomb! The attack fails!
Yellow knits a sweater! Nothing happens!

Red: Yellow, what is wrong with you today?!

Yellow: What do you mean?

Red: Ugh…

Larry: 87/150
Shy Ranger: 110/145 (Dizzy! One turn left!)
Red: 75/125
Black: 50/115
Green: 95/105 (no longer invincible)
Yellow: 63/90

Larry uses Body Slam on Green! 20 Damage!

Shy Ranger uses Mini Bomb on Red! Oops! He hits Green instead for 30 Damage!

Red: This is not looking good! Use The Attack!

The Koopa Bros. stack on top of each other and use Super Spinning Attack on Larry and Shy Ranger! 40 Damage each!

Larry: Geez! That smarts!!

Larry: 47/150
Shy Ranger: 70/145 (no longer dizzy)
Red: 75/125
Black: 50/115
Green: 45/105
Yellow: 63/90

Larry uses Bob-omb Shower! 44 Damage to all foes!
Shy Ranger uses Neck Chop on Red! 10 Damage!
Red uses Shell Spin on Shy Ranger! 10 Damage!
Black uses Ninja Star on Larry! 15 Damage!
Green uses Smoke Bomb! The attack fails!
Yellow does nothing! Nothing happens!

Red: …

Larry: 32/150
Shy Ranger: 60/145
Red: 31/125
Black: 6/115
Green: 1/105
Yellow: 19/90

Larry uses Stop Sign Smack on Red! 20 Damage!
Shy Ranger uses Big Bob-omb! 25 Damage to all foes! They all faint!
Larry and Shy Ranger win! They gain 400 exp.!


Red: Dang! You’re strong!

Shy Ranger: Didn’t all of you faint?

Red: *ignores Shy Ranger* We won’t let you win!

The Koopa Bros. hop into the fake Bowser, which charges at the duo.

Larry: I’ll handle this!

Larry hits the fake Bowser with his nose hairs, breaking it apart and sending the pieces, along with the Koopa Bros, over the edge of the platform.

Koopa Bros: NOOOOO!!!

Larry: Whew! That was surprisingly tough! It looks like their plan… *puts on sunglasses* fell to pieces.

Unseen Singer: YEAAAAAHHHHH!!!

Shy Ranger: …

Suddenly a card appears! Larry touches it and the card becomes Eldstar!

Eldstar: You saved me! You have my thanks!

Larry: Wait, since you’re the leader, shouldn’t you be saved last?

Eldstar: …

End of chapter! Who are these assassins sent by the Hooded Figure? Why was Yellow so useless in the fight? Why does Larry keep killing Mario Partners? Is the Moon really made of cheese? Possibly find out the answer to these questions in Chapter 3: Walk Like an Egyptian!

Chapter 3: Walk Like an Egyptian!

Larry, Shy Ranger, and Eldstar are now outside of the Fortress-

Larry: Wait, shouldn’t it cut to Peach, like in the game?

I’m not doing the Peach segments.

Larry: Ah.

Eldstar: Well, anyway, the next Star Spirit should be in Dry Dry Ruins, in the Dry Dry Desert. Now, off to Star Haven!

Larry: Wait! Don’t I get a technique of some sort?

Eldstar: No.

He flies away.

Larry: …

The two make their way back to Toad Town, but are intercepted!

Jr. Troopa: Hey! You!

Larry: Oh no…

Jr. Troopa: Let’s fight! I can beat you now, watch this!

Jr. Troops hides in his shell.

Larry: …

Shy Ranger: …That’s it?

Jr. Troopa: You’ll never hurt me now!

Larry: *sigh* Let’s get this over with…

Larry kicks Jr. Troopa’s shell, knocking him into a tree.

Jr. Troopa: Ow! How did you do that?!

Larry: Eggshells aren’t that hard, you idiot!!

Jr. Troopa: Oh…

Shy Ranger kicks Jr. Troopa in the face, and Larry smacks him with his nose hairs, sending Jr. Troopa flying away.


Larry: Let’s just go.

Meanwhile in a desert, a short, squat figure wearing a cloak and hat is trudging along.

Squat Figure: Where are they? I’m sick of waiting!

The Squat Figure comes across a small camp of Koopas.

Kolorado: Well, hello there, old bean! Who are you?

Squat Figure: I’m looking for a Koopa with a blue Mohawk and a Shy Ranger. Have you seen them?

Kolorado: I have not, I apologize.

Squat Figure: Darn it.

The Squat Figure trudges north in search of his targets.

Larry and Shy Ranger, meanwhile, are on a train to Mt. Rugged.

Shy Ranger: Was it necessary to steal the train? Also, how do you know how to control the train?

Larry: No, but it sure was a nice action scene, wasn’t it? As for your second question… I have no idea…

Shy Ranger: Why am I not surprised? Although I have to admit, it was the single best action scene in history. I should’ve recorded it…

Larry: It doesn’t matter… Hey, we’re here!

The train arrives at Mt. Rugged and the duo get off.

Shy Ranger: All right, Dry Dry Desert is east of Mt. Rugged, let’s go!

Larry: I just hope there aren’t any annoying enemies here…

Cleft: Derp!

Larry sighs and pushes Cleft into a random bottomless pit.

Larry: I hate this place already!

Shy Ranger: It could be worse…

Larry: I guess, let’s just go.

Larry and Shy Ranger start climbing the mountain and soon run into a Paratroopa.

Parakarry: Oh, hello there! I’ve dropped some letters, have-

Larry: Mario Partner! Die!

Larry swallows Parakarry whole.

Larry: Yummy!

Shy Ranger: You are so weird…

The two keep going east until they reach a bridge.

???: Hey, stop!

A large bird flies at the two and lands on the bridge.

Dodo: Hi.

Larry: Dodo? What are you doing here?

Dodo: I’m looking for food.

Shy Ranger: On a mountain? Right next to a desert?

Dodo: Yes. By the way, who are you?

Shy Ranger: I was in Larry RPG, but was sent flying before we met. I’m Shy Ranger.

Dodo: You look tasty…

Shy Ranger takes a step away from Dodo.

???: Hey, stop!

A large buzzard approaches the trio.

Buzzar: Hey, I’m looking for a guy named Larry! *looks at a picture* You look a lot like him! *points to Larry*

Larry: Um… No, I’m not Larry… I’m… Iggy?

Buzzar: Hmm… All right, you can pass!

Dodo: What do you mean, Larry? Of course you’re Larry!

Buzzar: What?!

Larry and Shy Ranger: You idiot!

Buzzar dive-bombs at Larry.

Buzzar: I will destroy you!!

Dodo: I’ll handle this!

Dodo punches Buzzar in the face when he gets close enough, causing the large bird to stop in his tracks and collapse to the ground.

Buzzar: I see stars…

Larry: Well then… didn’t expect that.

Dodo: I’m hungry.

Larry: …

Buzzar gets up.

Buzzar: I’ll destroy you!

Shy Ranger takes out a knife and repeatedly strikes Buzzar so fast the attacks can’t be seen. Buzzar collapses again.

Buzzar: Ow…

Larry: Time to end this!

Larry smacks Buzzar with his nose hairs, sending the buzzard flying into the distance.

Buzzar: I’ll be baaaaaaack!!!

Larry: I hope he doesn’t become a recurring boss…

Dodo: Hey Larry, can I join you guys?

Larry: Eh, sure.

Dodo: Yes!


Larry: … I hate you sometimes…

Get over it.

Larry: …

The trio go east and soon reach a desert.

Larry: I’m dieing of thirst!

Shy Ranger: We’ve been in this desert for five seconds…

Larry: Oh yeah…

The trio soon come across a small camp.

Kolorado: Hello there! … Wait…

Larry: What?

Kolorado: A Koopa with a blue Mohawk and a Shy Ranger… I do say, old beans, someone was looking for you!

Larry: Who?

Kolorado: I am afraid I don’t know, he was a rather squat fellow.

Larry: Doesn’t sound familiar…

Kolorado: Well, anyway, my name is Kolorado! I’m here in search of ancient artifacts and treasure inside the hidden Dry Dry Ruins!

Larry: Okay, we don’t need your life story!

Kolorado: …

Shy Ranger: Wait, Eldstar said the next Star Spirit is in Dry Dry Ruins!

Larry: You’re right. Hey, Kolorado, have any leads on where Dry Dry Ruins is?

Kolorado: Well, old bean, my assistants have attempted to gather information in Dry Dry Outpost east of here and-

Larry: Thanks, sucker!

Larry shoves Kolorado over and runs away.

Larry (as he runs out of sight) I’m getting to those ruins first!!

Shy Ranger: … *to Kolorado* I have no idea why he did that. *shouting* Larry! Wait up!

Shy Ranger runs after the Royal Koopa.

Dodo: … I’m hungry.

He waddles after Shy Ranger.

Kolorado: … Will one of you gentlemen help me up?

Assistant: We’re on our lunch break. *bites into a sandwich*

Kolorado: …

After going east in a straight line, the trio soon make it to Dry Dry Outpost.

Citizen: Hello there!

Larry: Shut up! Where’s Dry Dry Ruins?!

Citizen: I don’t know…

Shy Ranger: That won’t work…

Squeek: What’s going on here?

Larry: *picks up and shakes the Squeek* How do I get into Dry Dry Ruins?!

Squeek: I don’t know!

Shy Ranger: …

Larry nonchalantly throws the Squeek over his shoulder. Another one comes up to them, this one wearing a cloak.

Sheek: What are you doing?

Larry: I need to find Dry Dry Ruins!

Sheek: Why?

Larry: I need to defeat the bad guy there and free the Star Spirit! Do you know where it is?

Sheek: Hmm… You seem like a nice guy! I may know, follow me!

Sheek leads the trio to an empty house, which they enter.

Sheek: All right then…

Sheek dramatically takes off his cloak.

Sheek: My real name is… Moustafa!

Larry: … Okay…

Moustafa: I know how to find Dry Dry Ruins.

Larry: How?

Dodo: Yeah, how?

Larry: …?

Dodo: I didn’t have lines for a while…

Larry: … So, will you tell us?

Moustafa: No.

All Three: Huh?

Moustafa: You’ve been terrorizing the citizens here! I won’t let you leave!

Moustafa takes out a knife.

Shy Ranger: I’ll handle this…

Moustafa: Yaaahh!!

Moustafa charges forward but Shy Ranger simply shoots a laser from a device on his wrist, killing Moustafa and causing an item to fall to the floor.

Larry: What’s that?

Larry picks up the item, which is a stone.

Larry: A stone?

Larry looks on the back and sees some writing.

Larry: It says this is the Pulse Stone. The faster it flashes, the closer we are to the ruins! Let’s go!

Shy Ranger: Shouldn’t we hide the body?

Dodo eats Moustafa.

Dodo: Yum…

Shy Ranger: Never mind.

The trio leave Dry Dry Outpost and start traveling the desert, following the flashes from the Pulse Stone.

Bandit: Hey! Stop right there!

Larry: What?

Bandit: What’s that behind you?!

Larry turns around and sees Shy Ranger and Dodo.

Larry: Uhh…

He turns back around and notices the Bandit running away with a small sack of coins.

Larry: Hey, my coins!

Larry launches nose hairs at the Bandit. One nose hair gets the sack while the other slashes at the Bandit, killing him.

Larry: Well, that was a waste of time…

The trio head north. The Pulse Stone flashes faster and faster until the three reach a stone with an indent in it.

Larry: This must be the place…

He places the Pulse Stone into the indent. Suddenly it turns night.

Shy Ranger: What’s going on?

Dodo: Night already? Is it time for dinner?

The ground starts shaking and Dry Dry Ruins rises from the sand.

Larry: * nonchalant* Cool.

Shy Ranger: Why is it night?

Link: Sorry, I played the Sun’s Song. Bye!

He leaves.

Larry: … Okay then. Let’s go!

The three enter the ruins. Elsewhere, the squat figure notices the sudden time change.

Squat Figure: What the…?

He notices the ruins off towards the horizon to the east.

Squat Figure: Darn, I was going the opposite direction…

The figure starts heading toward the ruins.

Meanwhile, the trio are met by a voice as soon as they enter the ruins.

Voice: Tuuuurn baaaack…

Larry: What the?

Voice: Tuuuurn baaack… or let Jelly Jiggler be your paaaartneeer… Ooooo…

Larry: Go away, Jelly Jiggler!

Jelly Jiggler comes out from behind a random rock.

Jelly Jiggler: Darn!

He leaves.

Different Voice: BEGONE! Leave these ruins or suffer!!

Larry: I’m guessing that’s the boss.

Dodo: Probably.

Larry: That was probably the third sentence you said that didn’t involve food.

Dodo: I’m hungry…

Larry and Shy Ranger: …

The trio start going through the ruins, but are soon confronted by three Pokey Mummies.

Pokey Mummies: Die!

The mummified Pokies charge at the trio… very slowly.

Larry, Shy Ranger, and Dodo: …

Pokey Mummies: *moving very slowly* Arrrrggghhhh!!!

Larry: Move faster, Pokey!!

Larry whips the three with his nose hairs, killing them. The three see a locked door.

Shy Ranger: I’ll handle this…

He takes out a bobby pin and unlocks the door.

Shy Ranger: Too easy.

The three see a room full of sand, and a red button on the wall.

Dodo: What’s this do?

The fat bird presses the button and the floor slowly shifts into the wall, dropping  the sand and the trio down to the room below. The sand cushions their fall and they find themselves in front of another door.

Larry: All right, let’s go!

The three enter the next room.

Voice: You ignored my warning?! Do not continue, or you will suffer!!

Meanwhile, the squat figure reaches the ruins.

Squat Figure: Shouldn’t be too long now… Good thing too, I hate waiting.

The figure enters.

Meanwhile, the trio find themselves in a room with three Stone Chomps.

Stone Chomps: Arf Arf Arf Arf!

Larry: Die!

Larry whips one with his nose hairs and destroys it.

Shy Ranger: My turn!

Shy Ranger reaches into his pocket and takes out a sledgehammer and smashes the second Stone Chomp.

Dodo: I’m hungry…

Dodo eats the last Stone Chomp.

Voice: Darn you! You beat my guards! You may enter my room!

A large door appears and opens.

Larry: That’s it? We’re already at the boss?

Shy Ranger: I guess so.

Dodo: Lame.

They enter the room, which is pitch black except for two torches.

Voice: So, you’ve reached my lair, eh? I’m afraid this is where your journey ends!

Headdress appears floating in midair with a miniature Chain Chomp on it. Glowing eyes accompany it. The room lightens up as a Koopa appears wearing the headdress.

Tutankoopa: What is the matter with you three? I say creepy things and you keep going through the ruins? I’ll never understand kids!

All Three: …

Tutankoopa: Anyway, Bowletta has ordered me to kill you! Come to me, Chompy!

A rather large Chain Chomp appears.

Tutankoopa: RPG BAAAAATTLE!!!


Larry: 155/155
Shy Ranger: 150/150
Dodo: 165/165
Tutankoopa: 195/195
Chompy: 50/50

Larry uses Annoying Flick on Tutankoopa! 1 Damage!
Shy Ranger uses Spy Gadget on Chompy! 10 Damage!
Dodo uses Peck on Tutankoopa! 10 Damage!
Tutankoopa uses Walk Like an Egyptian! Dodo can’t stop dancing!
Chompy uses Chomp on Larry! 20 Damage!

Larry: 135/155
Shy Ranger: 150/150
Dodo: 165/165 (Dancing! Two turns left!)
Tutankoopa: 194/195
Chompy: 40/50

Larry uses Metal Chair Smash on Tutankoopa! 15 Damage!
Shy Ranger uses Remove Mask on Chompy! Chompy is too scared to move!
Dodo can’t stop dancing!
Tutankoopa uses Curse on Shy Ranger! 30 Damage!
Chompy is too scared to move!
Squat Figure enters the fray!

Squat Figure: I’ve found you!


Squat Figure: So, we finally meet, Larry!

Larry: Yes, we finally meet… you…Whoever you are.

Squat Figure: My name is Sasori of the Red Sand.

Dodo: *still dancing* Fancy title!

Shy Ranger: The battle is over, you don’t have to keep dancing…

Dodo: *still dancing* This is my dream, I won’t let you stop me!!

Shy Ranger: …

Sasori: Anyway, two members of our group, the Akatsuki, died thanks to your group.

Dodo: Hey! A monster crushed the girly-looking one.

Sasori: Close enough. Anyway, I’ve been hired by the Heavenly Knights to destroy you.

Tutankoopa: Hey! I’m supposed to be destroying them!

Sasori: Stay out of this!

Larry: WAIT!!!

Everyone Else: …?

Larry: I just realized I haven’t used a Super Fist yet! Super Fist of the Nose Hair: Burgers!

Tutankoopa shrinks and a grill appears. Larry turns it on and puts Tutankoopa on it.

Tutankoopa: Aghh!! It burns!!

Larry: Mmmm… Burgers…

Larry flips Tutankoopa over with a spatula.

Tutankoopa: Ow!!

Larry picks up Tutankoopa and places him on a bun, then puts tomatoes, cheese, and lettuce on him.

Tutankoopa: GUBA!!

Larry harshly slams the top bun on the burger and takes a bite.

Tutankoopa: AGGGHHHH!!!

Larry: Yucky!

The grill, spatula, and burger foods vanish and Tutankoopa returns to normal size.

Sasori: Are you quite done?

Larry: Yes.

Sasori: Good.

Tutankoopa: Get him, Chompy!

Chompy: Arf! Arf! Arf!

A large iron tail appears from under Sasori’s cloak and strikes Chompy, shattering him to pieces.

Tutankoopa: Gah!

Sasori turns to Tutankoopa and throws poisonous needles, killing him.

Larry: It looks like Tutankoopa… *puts on sunglasses* got the point!

Unseen Singer: YEAAAAAHHHHH!!!

Shy Ranger and Dodo: …

Sasori: Enough of this foolishness! Time to die!

Sasori lashes his tail at Larry, who dodges.

Dodo: *still dancing* Careful, Larry!

Larry: Thanks, Sherlock!

Shy Ranger: Don’t worry, I’ll help!

Shy Ranger throws throwing knives at Sasori, who blocks with his tail.

Larry: Take this! Super Fist of the Nose Hair: Dodo Attack!

Larry grabs Dodo and charges at Sasori, using Dodo as a weapon to hit Sasori into a wall. Dodo then resumes dancing.

Sasori: Gah!

Shy Ranger takes out some bombs and throws them at Sasori, who blocks with his tail.

Sasori: Nice try.

Shy Ranger: Look closer.

Sasori: Hmm?

He notices the bombs are sticking to his tail.

Sasori: Clever…

The bombs explode, making a lot of smoke appear.

Larry: Did it kill him?

The smoke clears and Sasori remains standing although his tail has a few cracks.

Sasori: I’ll end you!

Sasori launches his tail at Dodo, who stops dancing and catches the tail in his beak.

Sasori: Uh oh.

Sasori tries to pull his tail back, but Dodo stands his ground.

Dodo: (So… hungry…)

Dodo bites down on the tail, ripping off a large part of it.

Sasori: Dang it!

Dodo chews and swallows the chunk of tail.

Dodo: Yum…

Sasori: Fine, time to get serious!

Sasori removes his cloak, mask, and hat. He has a stiff hairdo, but more importantly, is a puppet!

Larry: What the…?

Sasori: I won’t let you live!

He opens his mouth, making an odd rattling noise, and fires a barrage of needles at the trio.

Larry: Super Fist of the Nose Hair: Pancake!

Larry throws a pancake at the ceiling and all the needles follow and hit it.

Sasori: H-How…? Grr… That’s it! Time to get serious!

Larry: I know what that means! RPG BAAAAATTLE!!!


Larry: 135/155
Shy Ranger: 150/150
Dodo: 165/165
Sasori: 350/400
Tail: 50/100

Larry: Hey, why am I still hurt from the last battle? Eh, at least Sasori is hurt from our non-RPG battle…

Larry uses Flame on Sasori! 30 Damage! Sasori is burned!
Shy Ranger uses Laser Lipstick on Sasori! 10 Damage!
Dodo uses Eat! Dodo has higher attack for three turns!
Sasori uses Needles on all of his opponents! 15 Damage to All!
Sasori takes 5 Damage from his burn!

Larry: 120/155
Shy Ranger: 135/150
Dodo: 150/165 (Raised Attack Power! Three turns left!)
Sasori: 305/400 (Burned! Two turns left!)
Tail: 50/100

Larry uses Giant Eggplant Smack on Sasori! 25 Damage!
Shy Ranger uses Katana Slash on Sasori! 30 Damage!
Dodo uses Peck on Sasori! 20 Damage!
Sasori uses Tail Smack on Larry! Damage attack is halved due to damage on tail! 15 Damage!
Sasori takes 5 Damage from his burn!

Larry: 105/155
Shy Ranger: 135/150
Dodo: 150/165 (Raised Attack Power! Two turns left!)
Sasori: 225/400 (Burned! One turn left!)
Tail: 50/100

Larry uses Super Flame on Tail! 25 Damage!
Shy Ranger uses Double Katana Slash on Sasori and Tail! 30 Damage each! Tail is destroyed!

Sasori: Darn it!

Dodo uses Turbo Peck on Sasori! 40 Damage!
Sasori uses Needles on all of his opponents! 15 Damage to All!
Sasori takes 5 Damage from his burn!

Larry: 90/155
Shy Ranger: 120/150
Dodo: 135/165 (Raised Attack Power! One turn left!)
Sasori: 150/400 (no longer burned)
Tail: 0/100

Larry uses Flame Barrage on Sasori! 35 Damage!
Shy Ranger uses Rapid Punch on Sasori! 15 Damage!
Dodo uses Bite on Sasori! 20 Damage!
Sasori uses Needles on all of his opponents! 15 Damage to All!

Larry: 75/155
Shy Ranger: 105/150
Dodo: 120/165 (Raised Attack Power! One turn left!)
Sasori: 80/400
Tail: 0/100

Larry: Let’s finish this!

Larry uses Super Mega Attack That Can Only Be Used Once on Sasori! 999 Damage!
Sasori faints!
Larry, Shy Ranger, and Dodo get nothing at all!

Larry: Hey!


Sasori collapses.

Larry: Do you give up?

Sasori shakily gets up.

Sasori: Never…

Shy Ranger: Didn’t he faint?

Dodo: Shh!

Shy Ranger: …

Sasori charges at Larry.

Larry: You didn’t give up…

Larry uses his nose hairs to break Sasori into pieces, defeating him.

Larry: … Then again, I didn’t think you… *puts on sunglasses* wood.

Unseen Singer: YEAAAAAHHHHH!!!

Shy Ranger and Dodo: …

Suddenly a card appears and Larry touches it. Mamar appears from it.

Mamar: Ah, thank you so much, Larry!

Larry: Shut up, lady! It’s the end of the chapter!

Mamar: …

End of chapter! Who are the rest of the assassins? Why was Link in Dry Dry Desert? Why do people not faint when they faint in RPG battles? You probably won’t find the answers to any of these questions in Chapter 4: The Invincible Beast!

Read on!

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