Paper Larry: Fall of the Witch

By Larry

Chapter 6: A reunion, Yoshis, and lots of lava!

Larry and his group are standing outside the locked house with Muskular.

Muskular: Thanks again for rescuing me!

Larry: To be honest, we had no idea you were in there. We just wanted our stuff back…

Muskular: …

Shy Ranger: Speaking of stolen items, shouldn’t we be returning the stuff the Shy Guys stole from everyone else?

Larry: Nah, they probably didn’t lose anything important…

A Toad woman walks by.

Toad Woman: Has anyone seen my baby?! I can’t find my baby!

Larry: Uh… right. So, where’s the next Star Spirit?

Muskular: She is somewhere in Lavalava Island.

Larry: So, can I have an ability or-

Muskular: No.

Muskular leaves.

Larry: Darn it! All right, let’s go to the harbor so we can steal a boat to the stupid island…

Larry, Dodo, and Culex go ahead while Shy Ranger leaves a note on the door of the house.

Shy Ranger: There, now people will know to look in here!

He runs after the rest of the group. They soon arrive at the harbor and see a few ships.

Larry: Hmm… Which one should I take?

Dodo: How about that one?

Dodo points to a tuna.

Larry: How’s a tuna going to get us to Lavalava Island?

Tuna: I’m not a tuna, I’m a whale! Hey, change my name! I’m not a tuna!


Tuna: …

Larry: He is a BIG Tuna… Hey Tuna, can we get a ride to Lavalava Island?

Tuna: I’m not a… Forget it. Anyway, no, you can’t. My stomach hurts!

Larry: If we help you with your stomach problem, will you give us a ride?

Tuna: Yes.

The tuna opens his mouth, and the quartet enters.

Dodo: How do we know the tuna isn’t just tricking us? He could plan to eat us.

Culex: We would burn our way out.

A small flame appears in Culex’s hand, which he then puts out.

Larry: Shh! Do you guys hear something?

A bouncing sound is heard.

Larry: What IS that?

The four see a fuzzy creature.

Fuzzipede: Hey, who are you guys?

Larry punches Fuzzipede.

Fuzzipede: Ow! Jerk! Take this!

Fuzzipede jumps at Larry, but harmlessly bounces off.

Larry: …

Larry breathes fire on Fuzzipede and kills him.

Larry: That was easy!

The four exit the tuna.

Tuna: Ah… Much better. Now I will take you to Lavalava Island. Hop on!

???: Wait, old chap!

Kolorado runs up to the group.

Larry: Kolorado? Why are you here?

Kolorado: Well, since I assume you took everything of worth from Dry Dry Ruins, I decided to go to Lavalava Island and see if there are any treasures there!

Larry: We’re not taking you with us.

Kolorado: Well, I have a message to you from a stranger. If you let me come, I’ll tell you.

Larry: Fine, what is the message?

Kolorado: He was just talking with me a few minutes ago, and he told me to tell you that he has been watching you and hopes Bowletta destroys you.

Larry: Well, that’s not very nice…

Shy Ranger: I think that’s the same guy who gave you that letter.

Larry: I think so too.

Culex: What are you talking about?

Dodo: Yeah, what letter?

Larry explains the deal with the letter to Dodo and Culex.

Dodo: The author couldn’t type out a legitimate explanation?

I’m feeling lazy. Shut up.

Dodo: …

Kolorado: Anyway, we should be going.

Larry: Right! Let’s go, tuna!

Tuna: Okay! Hop on!

The group jumps on the tuna and goes swimming east. Suddenly Jr. Troopa arrives at the harbor.

Jr. Troopa: Waaaaiiit! Darn it! I’ll have to swim after them!

Jr. Troopa jumps in the water and starts swimming, but is much slower than the tuna.

Jr. Troopa: This could be a problem…

After a nonspecific amount of time, Larry and the group arrive at Lavalava Island.

Tuna: All right, we’re here!

Larry: Finally! I was sick of Dodo singing.

Dodo: Seven bottles of pop on the wall, seven bottles of pop! You-

Culex: Shut up!

Dodo: Okay…

Kolorado: Right, off we go!

Kolorado runs ahead.

Larry: Let’s go! Tuna, you stay here, okay?

Tuna: Fine, I don’t have anything better to do…

The quartet follows Kolorado, who is being attacked by Jungle Fuzzies.

Kolorado: I do say, help me!

Larry: Fine…

Larry nonchalantly kills the Fuzzies with a flick of his nose hairs.

Larry: Don’t run ahead…

Kolorado: Good idea!

The five keep walking and reach a village of Yoshis.

Red Yoshi: Hello there! Sorry, but I can’t chat, we have to go offer prayers to our new god!

The Red Yoshi rushes off.

Larry: New god? Should be interesting. Anyone else wanna go?

Everyone Else: Meh. *shrug*

Larry: All right, let’s do it!

They follow the Yoshi and soon come across a large crowd of Yoshis around a platform with curtains covering something.

Larry: They worship curtains?

Shy Ranger: They worship what’s BEHIND the veil. You can see a tiny bit of a throne over the curtains.

Shy Ranger points to the bit of throne.

Larry: Ah.

Kolorado: I do say, this is quite fascinating.

A fat Yoshi stands in front of all the other Yoshis.

Village Leader: Let us offer our prayers to our god! Igzon!!

Larry: *looks up at the sky* Author, are you REALLY going to play the “polytheistic, dumb yet kind native island tribe” card?

Yes. Anyway. the curtains are pulled back to reveal Iggy sitting on the throne, eating some grapes from a bowl of various fruits and vegetables.

Yoshis: All hail Igzon!

Larry: Iggy?!

All the Yoshis turn to Larry while murmuring.

Iggy: Larry?

Village Leader: What is going on, Igzon? Who is this “Iggy” that the outsider speaks of?

Iggy: Uh… That is another name I go by. These are… lesser gods! Please, clear out so we can discuss… godly things!

Village Leader: Yes, great Igzon! Yoshis, depart!

All the Yoshis leave.

Larry: Iggy, what is going on?

Iggy: Well, when we were blasted from Peach’s Castle, I landed on this island, and the natives thought I was some sort of sky god. What are YOU doing here? Did you come looking for me?

Larry: No. Actually, I kind of forgot you were missing.

Iggy: Gee, thanks. Well, why are you here, then?

Larry explains all the events between the prologue and now.

Iggy: Wow…You’ve really been busy, haven’t you?

Larry: Yeah… So, have any of the Yoshis talked about a Star Spirit or anything like that?

Iggy: No, but I’d assume the Star Spirit would be in the hardest to reach place… probably in the volcano.

Larry: You’re probably right. We might need an extra hand, could you help us?

Iggy: Sure!


Iggy: Cut that out!

Larry: That’s what I’ve been saying…

Iggy: Anyway… Village Chief! Come here!

The Village Chief approaches the group.

Village Chief: Yes, Igzon?

Iggy: My fellow gods and I have discovered an even lesser god is trapped in the volcano and we must rescue it. You and your tribe must help us get into the volcano.

Village Chief: Of course, Igzon! Yoshis, assemble!!!

All the Yoshis gather around.

Village Chief: Fellow Yoshis, we must help Igzon and the fellow gods get into the volcano!

Yoshis: Yes, Village Chief.

Village Chief: Onward, to the volcano!

All the Yoshis and Larry’s group travel through the forest to the volcano.

Village Chief: I wish you luck, Igzon!

The Yoshis make a bridge from their own bodies, and the group of six crosses it.

Larry: Kolorado, you stay by the entrance. I don’t feel like looking after you.

Kolorado: Oh… okay then… Just bring back anything valuable, okay old bean?

Larry: Whatever.

Dodo, Culex, and Shy Ranger: When are we gonna get lines?

Larry: Ah, quit complaining!

The five enter the volcano, and a Piranha Plant sprouts in from of them.


The Piranha Plant leaves.

Shy Ranger: Why did that Piranha Plant talk like a security alarm?

Larry: Does it really matter?

Shy Ranger: … I guess not…

Larry: Good, now shut up about it.

Shy Ranger: …

The group venture deeper into the volcano and come across some enemies!

Podoboo: Fire, fire! Ahahahaha!

Spike Top: … You need help.

Podoboo: DIE!

The Podoboo sets the Spike Top on fire, and it dies.

Larry: Uh…

Dodo: I got this…

Dodo eats the Podoboo.

Dodo: … AAGGHHH!!! HOOOT!!!

Dodo takes out a glass of water and drinks it, then sighs contently.

Larry: … You’re an idiot.

Dodo: …

The group keeps going through the volcano until they reach a dead end with a small golden statue on a pedestal.

Iggy: Ooh, treasure!

Shy Ranger: No, don’t!

Iggy ignores Shy Ranger and takes the statue. A rumbling is heard and a pathway in front of them opens.

Culex: Weird, I was expecting a trap…

Suddenly a Spiny Tromp falls from the ceiling behind them and starts rolling.


They start running down the passage.

Larry: You just had to open your big mouth, didn’t you?!

Culex: Sorry!

Larry kicks backward and knocks Culex into the Spiny Tromp, which stops rolling.

Culex: Pain…

Larry: Right then, let’s keep going!

The five enter a chamber with a pool of lava in the middle.

Iggy: Wait, are we at the boss already?

Shy Ranger: That was… fast…

Suddenly a giant Piranha Plant, along with two Piranha Buds, comes out of the lava!

Lava Piranha: ROOOOAAAARRR!!!


Lava Piranha: I WILL DESTROY YOU!!!

Iggy: Stop yelling so loud!!

Lava Piranha: Sorry…

Dodo: I’ll handle this, don’t worry!

Dodo charges at Lava Piranha, who smacks him into a wall and knocks him out.

Lava Piranha: Pathetic! Send someone stronger!

Iggy: Ooh! Ooh! Let me fight!

Larry: All right… You can try…

Lava Piranha: Bwahahaha! That little nerd can’t-

Iggy runs up to Lava Piranha and hits him with a concrete block.

Lava Piranha: GUBA!!

Iggy grabs one of the Piranha Buds and ties it around Lava Piranha’s neck while he’s dazed. The other Piranha Bud lunges at Iggy, who kicks it into Lava Piranha’s head. Lava Piranha tries to spit fire, but the Piranha Bud around his neck stops the fire and burns the inside of Lava Piranha’s throat.

Lava Piranha: GAH!

Larry: Wait, aren’t you immune to fire?

Lava Piranha: No, just lava!

Larry: … That makes no sense…

Lava Piranha: Shut up!

Iggy grabs the free Piranha Bud and pulls. He keeps pulling until the Piranha Bud detaches from Lava Piranha.

Lava Piranha: Aggh!!!

Iggy whacks Lava Piranha a bit with the Piranha Bud.

Iggy: Time to finish this!

Iggy shoots a green laser out of his mouth that hits Lava Piranha square in the face.

Lava Piranha: Ooogh…

Lava Piranha sinks into the lava.

Iggy: That was easy…

Suddenly Lava Piranha rises out of the lava with two new Piranha Buds, which are on fire.

Lava Piranha: I’LL DESTROY YOU!!

Iggy: Crud…

Lava Piranha breathes fire at Iggy, who barely manages to dodge the attack.

Iggy: Can I have a hand please?!

Larry starts clapping.

Iggy: …

Culex flies at Lava Piranha and punches him in the face.

Lava Piranha: Roaaar!!

Lava Piranha whacks Culex away with one of the Piranha Buds.

Culex: *while flying towards a wall* Oh well, I tried. *shrugs, and then hits the wall*

Shy Ranger: My turn!

Shy Ranger takes out an ice gun from his cloak and fires at one of the Piranha Buds, killing it.

Lava Piranha: ROOOOAAARRR!!!

Lava Piranha breathes fire at Shy Ranger, who is hit and is knocked out.

Larry: I guess it’s up to me!

Larry shoots his nose hairs at Lava Piranha. Iggy then hits the Piranha Bud with a large rock.

Lava Piranha: Roooaaarr!

Larry: Stop that!

Lava Piranha: Sorry…

Larry: Super Fist of the Nose Hair: Satellite Launch!

Larry turns into a satellite and starts floating, and eventually makes it to space.

Larry Satellite: Ah… It’s so peaceful up here…

Larry Satellite notices something in the distance.

Larry Satellite: Huh? What’s that?

A meteor is heading straight for Larry Satellite!

Larry Satellite: AAAAAHHHH!!! ABORT! ABORT!

The meteor hits Larry Satellite, sending him hurtling towards Plit.

Larry Satellite: AHHHHHH!!!

Larry Satellite falls into the volcano and onto Lava Piranha, killing him. Larry then turns back to normal.

Larry: That was… pretty disappointing…

Iggy: Yeah…

Larry: Despite that, it was a… *puts on sunglasses* heated battle.

Unseen Singer: YEAAAAAHHHHH!!!

Iggy: …

Shy Ranger and Culex wake up and go over to the two Koopas. A Star Spirit Card appears! Larry touches it and Misstar appears!

Misstar: Thank you, I-

Larry: Shut up, starfish! The chapter is over!

Misstar: …

End of chapter! Why was this chapter so disappointing? Why does everyone call the whale a tuna? Who is the fourth assassin? Who is the stranger Kolorado talked about? What rhymes with orange? At least one of these questions will be answered in Chapter 7: The Girliest Chapter Ever!

Chapter 7: The Girliest Chapter Ever!

Larry:  All right, let’s get out of here…

Suddenly the volcano rumbles!

Shy Ranger: That can’t be good…

Lava starts seeping into the room!

Misstar: Quick, grab on!

The quarter grab onto Misstar and she flies out of the volcano. They fail to realize Dodo is still in there.

Larry: Just drop us off on that tuna over there!

Misstar: What about the Yoshis?

Larry: Who cares?

Misstar: …

Misstar drops them off on the tuna.

Iggy: Let’s get out of here!

Tuna: Right!

The Tuna swims away, while Misstar flies after the group. Meanwhile, the volcano is spewing lava all over the island.

Village Chief: Sushi, save us!

Sushi: Huh?

Village Chief throws Sushi at the lava, killing her.

Kolorado: How was that gonna help?

Village Chief: I just didn’t like her.

Kolorado: …

Soon the island is engulfed in lava, killing everyone. Jr. Troopa then arrives.

Jr. Troopa: Wait… Where’s the tuna?

Jr. Troopa turns around and sees the tuna in the distance.

Jr. Troopa: Darn it!

He starts swimming after the group. Eventually the group makes it to the harbor.

Tuna: That was crazy…

The group gets off of the tuna, who swims away.

Larry: Man, we barely escaped that! Say, do I get an ability?

Misstar: No.

Larry: …

Misstar: The next Star Spirit is in Flower Fields!

Larry: Flower Fields?! I don’t want to go to a place called Flower Fields!

Misstar: Too bad.

Misstar flies away. After a few moments, Jr. Troopa arrives at the harbor, exhausted and out of breath.

Jr. Troopa: I’ll… *pants*… kill… you!

Jr. Troopa grows wings and a spike on his head.

Larry: Why don’t you ever give up?!

Before Jr. Troopa can answer, there’s a loud noise in the distance, from Lavalava Island, where the volcano is now spewing out lava. Something comes flying towards the harbor, a noise accompanying it.

Larry: What is that?

The object is soon revealed to be Dodo on fire, and the sound is him screaming.


Dodo slams into Jr. Troopa (who was flying above the docks) and the two break through the docks and are plunged deep underwater.

Larry: That was lucky…

Dodo floats back to the surface. His metal helmet is infused with his skull and half of his feathers are burnt off. The other half are molting at an alarming rate.

Dodo: … You left me there, you-

The following rant has been removed due to harsh language. Please enjoy this picture of a cat… Oh wait, this is a story, never mind!

After the rant, the group is left stunned.

Culex: … In all my years I have never heard so many swears in such a short timeframe…

Dodo: Now then, where do we go now?

Larry: Flower Fields.

Dodo: All right, let’s go!

Iggy: Wait, where exactly is Flower Fields?

Shy Ranger: I know where it is!

Larry: That’s convenient…

Shy Ranger: Oh, hush. Follow me!

Shy Ranger leads the group away from the harbor. A few minutes after they leave, a figure runs out of Club 64, which is now on fire. The figure slams the door and looks around, looking for the quintet. The figure notices Dodo’s feathers leading away from the harbor, and follows them. The quintet, meanwhile, approach Minh T. and her garden, which has an empty doorway in the middle of it.

Minh T: Hello there! Have you seen any Bub-ulbs? I need their seeds to-

Shy Ranger: *interrupting* Enter Flower Fields?

Minh T: You’re correct!

Larry: Do we HAVE to find these seeds?

Minh T: Well… a sacrifice will open the door to Flower Fields as well!

Quintet: …

Larry sets Minh T. on fire and she dies. The doorway glows and a door appears, which the group enters. They come out in a flowery field of happiness and joy. There are bunnies and butterflies wondering around, and-

Larry: All right, stop that!

Hush. Oddly enough, it’s very cloudy.

Larry: Shouldn’t it be sunny here?

???: It used to be…

Larry: Huh?

Larry and the rest of the group turn to see the door they came out of is the mouth of a large tree.

Iggy: Great Deku Tree?

Tree: No, I am Wise Wisterwood. The Great Deku Tree is my cousin.

Larry: So, have you seen a card with a Star Spirit on it anywhere?

Wise Wisterwood: No, but-

Larry: We have nothing to discuss if you can’t help us.

Wise Wisterwood: HEY! I have a theory on where it could be!

Larry: Where?

Wise Wisterwood: Above the clouds, in the clutches of Huff N. Puff.

Iggy: Huff N. Puff?

Wise Wisterwood: He’s a cloud demon who blocked the Sun. He may have the Star Spirit you seek.

Culex: How do we get to him?

Wise Wisterwood: You must get the clouds away if you want any chance of reaching Huff N. Puff. You also need a Magic Bean, I believe Petunia has one… She’s to the east, you can’t miss her.

Larry: Okay, let’s go everyone!

The group head east. A minute or so after they leave, the figure comes through the door.

Wise Wisterwood: Well, hello! Who might you be?

The figure says nothing, but holds up a picture of Larry.

Wise Wisterwood: He went east, why do you-

The figure walks away before Wise Wisterwood can finish.

Wise Wisterwood: Huh! Young people these days…

Meanwhile, the group reach Petunia, who is being attacked by green Monty Moles.

Petunia: Help me! They’re eating my roots!

Larry unleashes his nose hairs and whips the Monty Moles, killing them.

Petunia: Thank you! I-

Shy Ranger: *senses something* Get down!

Shy Ranger and the rest of the group duck as an axe flies over their heads and kills Petunia.

Larry: Who did that?

The five turn around to see the figure that’s been following them… the RED Pyro! Dun dun duuuuun!!!

Larry: I assume you’re the fourth assassin?

The Pyro: Mph! *nods head*

The Pyro takes out his flamethrower.

(A/N: I’m just going to call the Pyro a “he”, even though his gender is unknown.)

Larry: Let’s do this!

Larry launches his nose hairs at the Pyro, who simply burns them away.

Larry: My nose hairs! I’ll get you for that!

Larry charges at the Pyro, who kicks Larry into Iggy.

Both: Gah!

Culex charges at the Pyro, who shoots fire at the demon, who dodges backward. Shy Ranger, meanwhile, has snuck behind the Pyro and kicks him in the back of the head, knocking him to the ground.

The Pyro: Mpph mpphh mpppph mmph!

Larry: Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?!

The Pyro gets up and swaps his flamethrower with his Axtinguisher. He swings at Culex, who catches the Axtinguisher by the blade. After a few seconds, he lets go.

Culex: Aggghhh!! There are barbed wires on that thing! Aggghhh!!!

Larry unleashes his nose hairs and smacks the Pyro onto his back, but he immediately gets back up. Dodo charges at the Pyro, but only makes it halfway to the enemy before doubling over in pain.

Dodo: Stupid lava… Ugh…

The Pyro ignores Dodo and takes out his Flare Gun and fires at Shy Ranger, hitting him in the mask, which catches fire.

Shy Ranger: Ahh!

Shy Ranger pats the mask until the fire goes out, leaving some burn marks.

Shy Ranger: Nobody messes with my mask!

The Pyro: Mpph mmmppphh?

Shy Ranger: Jeez, watch the language!

Shy Ranger smacks the Flare Gun away and punches the Pyro in the face. Iggy then hits the Pyro over the head with a golf club, knocking the masked man to the ground.

The Pyro: *muffled groan*

Larry: Give up?

The Pyro stands up and takes out his Postal Pummeler.

Iggy: Is that a mailbo-

The Pyro whacks Iggy into a tree before he can finish.

Iggy: Ow…

The Pyro: *muffled laugh*

Culex grabs the Postal Pummeler and whacks the Pyro in the face with it, causing the assassin to stumble a bit.

Larry: I’ll finish this!

Larry runs behind the Pyro and punches him in the back of the head. As the Pyro is falling forward, Larry rushes in front of him and elbows him in the chest.

The Pyro: MMPH!

The Pyro clutches his chest, takes a few steps, and collapses face-first on the ground.

Iggy: Is he dead?

Larry: That was anticlimactic…

The Pyro groans and manages to stand, only to fall on his rear.

Larry: Oh, you still want to fight, huh?

The Pyro: *shaking his head* Mpph mpph mppph mph mph mpph!

Larry: You want to join us?

The Pyro: *nods* Mph!

Larry: Well… I guess there’s no harm in it… Why the sudden change of heart?

The Pyro: *gives a muffled explanation*

Larry: You respect strong people? Okay then, you can join. What’s your name, anyway?

The Pyro: Mmmph mpph mph mmpho.

Larry: Just call you “Pyro”? Okay.


Larry: Shut up!

Jerk. Dodo manages to stand up.

Larry: By the way, you’re fired, Dodo. Your injuries are too severe for you to keep going.

Dodo: Thank God… I’m gonna go home, call me up when your next adventure starts, okay?

Larry: Got it.

Dodo teleports home… somehow.

Larry: Right then, let’s get that bean!

Larry walks over to Petunia’s corpse and sees the bean and takes it.

Larry: Let’s head back to that tree and see what we have to do next.

Pyro: *asks a muffled question*

Larry: If we burn him down, we can’t leave!

Pyro: Mpph…

Shy Ranger: Seriously, watch your language!

The five return to Wise Wisterwood.

Wise Wisterwood: Do you have the bean?

Larry: Yes.

Wise Wisterwood: Good, now go to Posie and get some fertile soil. She’s in the southwest part of Flower Fields.

Larry: Okay.

The five head southwest and eventually come across a gate.

Larry: A gate? A GATE?! HOW DO WE GET PAST?!

Other Four: …

Larry punches and kicks at the gate, but it doesn’t open. Eventually, Culex just opens it normally.

Larry: How did you do that?!

Iggy: Let’s just go…

The five eventually make it to Posie, in front of the Crystal Tree.

Larry: Ooohhh… Crystals…

Posie: These aren’t for you! They-

Larry kills Posie and he and Iggy steal some crystals.

Culex: That was… unneeded.

Pyro: Mpph mppph mph?

Larry: No, you can’t burn down the tree!

Pyro gets angry and lights Posie’s corpse on fire, then laughs maniacally.

Shy Ranger: He frightens me…

Larry: Quit your complaining!

Larry takes some of the fertile soil, and the quintet heads back to Wise Wisterwood.

Wise Wisterwood: Ah, very good, you have the soil! Go see Lily to get some Miracle Water, go to the lower right path to find her.

Larry: All right, fine. I’m getting sick of these errands, though.

Wise Wisterwood: Not my fault or my problem.

Larry: …

The five go down the path as instructed.

Shy Ranger: Have you noticed a lack of generic enemies?

Larry: Yeah, but at this point it’s the same thing. The enemies appear, say something stupid and generic, and sometimes kill themselves, or I just do it in a single attack.

Iggy: That’s a good point.

Shy Ranger: I guess that’s true…

Pyro: Mpph mph.

Culex: You haven’t even been around to see that happen.

Pyro: *shrugs* Mpph mpph…

Culex: Good point.

The five arrive at a large, dry hole in the ground with a large, dry plant in it.

Lily: I’m not large, I’m big-boned!

Shy Ranger: But plants don’t-

Larry: *speaking over Shy Ranger* Hey, can we have some Miracle Water?

Lily: I would love to give you some, but some Lakitus stole my Water Stone, so I can’t give you any water!

Larry: Must… resist… Pokémon joke!

Larry takes out his frustration by shooting a fireball at a Lakitu floating above them. The Lakitu dies and drops a stone that falls into the hole in the middle of the hole. The hole then fills with water.

Larry: *as he and the others swim to dry land* That was convenient.

Lily: Here, take some Miracle Water!

Lily hands Larry a watering can of water.

Lily: Bye!

The quintet go back to Wise Wisterwood.

Larry: All right, we have the water, now what?

Wise Wisterwood: Well, the items are useless with all these clouds. There should be a machine that makes them! Find it, then destroy it.

Iggy: Hm… My magical one-time-use compass is pointing that way. *points to the upper-right path*

Larry: Let’s head out then!

The five follow the path until they reach a simple-looking machine guarded by a Yellow Magikoopa, a Ruff Puff, and a Lakitu with green hair and cool shades.

Yellow Magikoopa: Hey, it’s Larry!

Ruff Puff: Get him!

Lakilester: My name is Spike!

Larry kills the Ruff Puff and Yellow Magikoopa with one attack with his nose hairs.

Larry: Like freakin’ clockwork…

Lakilester: Oh no! Uh… I’ll join you if you spare me!

Pyro: Mpph mpph mph mpph mphh mph?

Larry: Sure, you can kill him.

Pyro: *muffled laughter*

Pyro takes out his flamethrower and lights Lakilester on fire, killing him. Pyro then takes out his axe and starts hacking the machine, laughing maniacally.

Iggy: He’ll kill us all in our sleep…

Larry: You’re exaggerating…

Pyro eventually destroys the machine, and the clouds vanish and the Sun comes out.

Sun: Thank you for destroying-

Larry: Oh my DAD! Why is the Sun talking?!

Sun: … Anyway, now that the clouds are gone, you can reach Huff N. Puff. Now, go talk to Wise Wisterwood.

Larry: Whatever.

The five go back to Wise Wisterwood.

Wise Wisterwood: Very good! Now, plant the bean in some fertile soil and water it.

Larry does these things, and a beanstalk grows, all the way to the clouds.

Culex: Neat.

Shy Ranger: How did it grow so fast?

Wise Wisterwood: Magic. *snort snort*

Shy Ranger: …

The five climb the beanstalk and end up in front of Huff N. Puff.

Huff N. Puff: You!

Iggy: Me?

Huff N. Puff: No, Larry.

Iggy: Aww…

Huff N. Puff: You’ve destroyed my cloud-making machine! I’ll destroy you!

Huff N. Puff summons lightning, but Larry dodges. Huff N. Puff then summons three Tuff Puffs.

Huff N. Puff: I have a better idea! RPG BAAAAATTLE!!!


Larry: 160/160
Iggy: 150/150
Shy Ranger: 155/155
Huff N. Puff: 570/600
Tuff Puff: 10/10
Tuff Puff: 10/10
Tuff Puff: 10/10

Larry: Hey, why can we only have three guys out at a time? Also, why are you missing 30 hit points?

Huff N. Puff: For your first question… um… because. For your second question, the Tuff Puffs being separated from me takes away 10 of my hit points for each Tuff Puff.

Larry: Oh. Okay!

Larry uses Frying Pan on Tuff Puff! 20 Damage! Tuff Puff faints!
Iggy uses Rough Punch on Tuff Puff! 15 Damage! Tuff Puff faints!
Shy Ranger uses Karate Chop on Tuff Puff! 25 Damage! Tuff Puff faints!
Huff N. Puff: Darn it! Oh well, I don’t need them!
Huff N. Puff uses Lightning on Shy Ranger! 50 Damage!

Larry: 160/160
Iggy: 150/150
Shy Ranger: 105/155
Huff N. Puff: 570/600
Tuff Puff: 0/10
Tuff Puff: 0/10
Tuff Puff: 0/10

Larry uses Fire Pillar on Huff N. Puff! 35 Damage!
Iggy uses Green Flame on Huff N. Puff! 30 Damage!
Shy Ranger uses Plasma Gun on Huff N. Puff! 40 Damage!
Huff N. Puff uses Hail on all of his opponents! 25 Damage to All!

Larry: 135/160
Iggy: 125/150
Shy Ranger: 80/155
Huff N. Puff: 465/600
Tuff Puff: 0/10
Tuff Puff: 0/10
Tuff Puff: 0/10

Larry uses Unspecified Attack on Huff N. Puff! 20 Damage!
Iggy uses Green Fireball on Huff N. Puff! 30 Damage!
Shy Ranger uses Plasma Rifle on Huff N. Puff! 50 Damage!
Huff N. Puff uses Tornado on all of his opponents! 80 Damage to All! Shy Ranger faints and Culex takes his place!

Larry: 55/160
Iggy: 45/150
Culex: 250/250
Huff N. Puff: 365/600
Tuff Puff: 0/10
Tuff Puff: 0/10
Tuff Puff: 0/10

Larry uses Eye Poke on Huff N. Puff! 5 Damage!
Iggy uses Green Firesquare on Huff N. Puff! 35 Damage!
Huff N. Puff: Firesquare?
Iggy: Shut up.
Huff N. Puff: …
Culex uses Dark Blast on Huff N. Puff! 40 Damage!
Huff N. Puff uses Rain on himself! He gains 30 Hit Points!

Larry: 55/160
Iggy: 45/150
Culex: 250/250
Huff N. Puff: 315/600
Tuff Puff: 0/10
Tuff Puff: 0/10
Tuff Puff: 0/10

Larry uses Chair on Huff N. Puff! 15 Damage!
Iggy uses Firetriangle on Huff N. Puff! 40 Damage!
Huff N. Puff: Seriously? Firetriangle?
Iggy: Shut up!
Huff N. Puff: …
Culex uses Shadow Orb on Huff N. Puff! 30 Damage!
Huff N. Puff uses Lightning on Iggy! 50 Damage! Iggy faints and Pyro takes his place!

Larry: 55/160
Pyro: 400/400
Culex: 250/250
Huff N. Puff: 230/600
Tuff Puff: 0/10
Tuff Puff: 0/10
Tuff Puff: 0/10

Larry: Why do you have so many hit points?
Pyro: Mpph mpph mpppph mph mpho mphy!
Larry: That makes sense…
Larry uses Fireball Barrage on Huff N. Puff! 50 Damage!
Pyro uses Degreaser on Huff N. Puff! 45 Damage!
Culex uses Demonic Blast on Huff N. Puff! 50 Damage!
Huff N. Puff uses Gust on Larry! 20 Damage!

Larry: 35/160
Pyro: 400/400
Culex: 250/250
Huff N. Puff: 85/600
Tuff Puff: 0/10
Tuff Puff: 0/10
Tuff Puff: 0/10

Larry: Time to finish this!
Larry uses Ultra-Super-Mega-One-Time-Only-Attack of Awesomeness on Huff N. Puff! 500 Damage! Huff N. Puff faints!
Nobody gains anything!


Huff N. Puff: No! I won’t let you win!

Shy Ranger: Why do the bosses remain conscious when they supposedly faint?

Everyone ignores Shy Ranger and Huff N. Puff charges at Larry.

Huff N. Puff: You ruined my plan!

Larry unleashes a dozen nose hairs that hit Huff N. Puff and kill him.

Larry: Didn’t mean to *puts on sunglasses* rain on your parade.

Unseen Singer: YEAAAAAHHHHH!!!

Pyro: Mpph mph mphh?

Shy Ranger: Just try to ignore it…

A Star Spirit card appears! Larry touches it and Klevar appears!

Klevar: I-

Larry: Shut up, bookworm! The chapter is over!

Actually, Larry is wrong! At the villain’s base, the Hooded Figure is alone with the man with the glowing red eye, Madara Uchiha.

Hooded Figure: The assassins have all failed… Larry is too strong… but he must have a weakness.

Madara: What do you want ME to do about it?

Hooded Figure: Send a spy, of course.

Madara: Should this spy kill Larry when he has the chance?

Hooded Figure: No… I’m certain the spy would just be defeated.

Madara: I know exactly who to send…

End of chapter! Why was the fight with Pyro so anticlimactic? Why didn’t Larry want to have a Pokémon joke? Who is Madara going to send? Why are there so many ostriches? The brochure said there’d only be a few ostriches! Find out the answer to only one of these questions in Chapter 8: The final Star Spirit! … Nope, snow snow puns! … That was terrible…

Read on!

Comments, suggestions, stories, or story ideas? Email me!
Go back to Lemmy's Fun Fiction.
Go back to my main page.