Pooper Mario

By John Koopa

Chapter 3: For a Moment Forest

(Bowser Castle)

Princess Peach: So, Twinkie, have you found out anything new?

Twinkie: No, but I am hearing odd noises coming from down the hall. Want to take the secret passage and go see?

Peach: I'm surprised they still haven't blocked that...
 

(Bowser's room)

Bowser: Okay, Peach, time for you to come to my castle!

Mario: Not if I can help it-a, Bowser!

Mario starts pounding Bowser.

Peach: You show him, Mario!

Mario: Mario saves the day again-a!

Peach: My hero!

Bowser (putting the Mario, Peach, and Bowser
dolls on the table): Ahh, that was fun. I love playing with my Mario, Peach, and Bowser action figures!

Peach: Uhh, Bowser?

Bowser (trying to hide the dolls): Err... uuuh... Peach! What are you doing out of your cell?

Twinkie: We heard strange noises.

Bowser: Ahh... You didn't see any of that, did you?

Peach: No, we didn't see you playing with your dolls again.

Bowser: Oh, good.

Peach and Twinkie leave.

Bowser: Hey, wait a second...
 

(Peach's cell)

Twinkie: Hahaha! Man, that was the best! Too bad we couldn't record it!

Peach: I wouldn't be too sure about that...

Twinkie: Huh?

Peach holds up an iPhone.

Twinkie: Gasp! You didn't!

Peach: I did.
 

(Bowser's control room)

Smith: You know, guys, I really wouldn't watch that again.

Minions: What could go wrong?

Smith: Fine, but when Bowser storms in here and finds you watching him playing with dolls on Youtube, I won't take the blame...

Bowser (storming in): Minions!

Minions (hiding their laptops): Y-yes, sir?

Bowser: It's that time of the year again!

The minions all gasp in suspense.

Bowser: It's time to announce the Minion of the Year Awards!

Minions: Hurrah!!!

Smith: It had better be me. I'm the only minion here with any brains.

Bowser: And the minion of the year is...

Minions (jumping up and down): Me! ME!

Bowser: Jerry the Dry Bones!

Smith: WHAT?!

Jerry: ***,**?! * ***'* ******* **!!!

Jerry runs up and accepts the award.

Smith: I can't believe it. After everything I've done?

Bowser: You're always questioning my orders!

Smith: That's because your orders are highly questionable.

Bowser: You never bring me my coffee!

Smith: Oh, and Jerry does?

Bowser: No, but he doesn't question my orders!

Smith: That's because his intelligence is highly questionable.

Bowser: That's it! I've had it with you! I wish I had a cooler minion!

The Star Rod glows. The Blue Power Ranger appears.

Blue Ranger: Dino Thunder!

Smith: Why would you wish for him?! He's a good guy!

Blue Ranger beats up Bowser and leaves.

Bowser: Oww... Dang it.

Smith: I rest my case.

Bowser: Don't be so sure, 'cause I've done something way smarter than you ever could!

Smith: Oh, really?

Bowser: That's right! Mario is finished, 'cause I've sent the invincible Flubba Blubba after him!

Smith: I'll bet you thirty coins it won't work.

Bowser: Deal!

Both grin.
 

(Onboard the plane)

Luigi: Okay, guys, check this out. There are a lot of places on the map we got from Glitzville that might have Sacred Beans.

Shif T: One of them is in a forest, one is in a giant toybox, and one is near a volcano.

Rob-omb: I guess our trip to Glitzville wasn't wasted after all. This should really help us collect the Sacred Beans!

Mario: Wait... We were supposed to collect those?

Luigi: Yes... Why?

Mario: Uh oh...

Rob-omb: Oh, no, what did you DO?!

Mario: Well, you see, I got really hungry, and there isn't any food on this plane...

Luigi: Oh, my God, you ate the Sacred Beans?!

Mario: Don't worry, you'll see them again in a few days.

Shif T: NOOO!!!

Luigi: MAMAMIA!!!

Rob-omb: WHYYYY?!

Plane: @@@@@GH!!!

Mario: Cool it, guys, I was just joking!

Luigi: Say what?!

Mario: I didn't eat the Sacred Beans! They're still in the bag.

Rob-omb: I can't believe it.

Shif T: Mario was clever twice... That worries me.

Plane: Now arriving in Mushroom Kingdom outskirts.

Mario: Hey, Shif T, tell me again how you managed to get the plane to go where we want?

Shif T: Don't ask. Let's just say it involved a bit of hotwiring.

Plane: We have arrived, Master Descole.

Luigi: ...

Shif T: Well, it still has a few bugs. Besides, I think Descole has a nice ring to it.

They exit the plane.

Mario: Hey, Professor! We're back!

Luigi: Hmm... That's odd. We're usually greeted by a loud explosion. Maybe E. Gadd has finally-

A loud explosion is heard.

Luigi: ... Never mind.

They enter the house.

E. Gadd (covered with soot): Greetings, gentlemen.

Rob-omb: What crazy invention were you working on this time?

E. Gadd: My uranium mine in Asbury Park.

Shif T: But, this is the Mushroom Kingdom!

E. Gadd: Yes, so once I complete the mine, I'll move it to Asbury Park!

Luigi: ... Why am I not surprised?

Mario: We found a map leading to the next Sacred Beans!

E. Gadd (reading the map): Hmmm... This map points us to three different places. One is a place called "For a Moment Forest", one is a giant toybox called "The Looney Bin", and one is in a place called "Really Hot Place".

Mario: Where should we head first?

E. Gadd: Here, hand me the map.

Mario hands E. Gadd the map and it explodes.

Mario: Oh, shoot, I forgot everything E. Gadd touches explodes.

Luigi: NOOOO!!!

Mario: MAMAMIA!!!

Rob-omb: WHYYY?!

Shif T: STOP!!! We still know where to go, and we can mark the spots on a regular map!

Mario: Oh. Sorry.

E. Gadd: Anyway, I think you should head for the forest first since it's the closest.

Luigi: Before we go, we should stock up on supplies in Toad Town.

Mario: Let's-a go!
 

(In Toad Town)

Mario: Let's go to that shop there.

Mario and Co. walk up to a shop. A tall man in a white cloak is at the counter.

Mario: Hello, sir, we'll take three Poison Mushrooms, a Cooking Mistake, some Fish Bones, and Trial Stew.

Luigi: WHAT?! We can't eat those!

Mario: You need to toughen up, Luigi.

The owner hands Mario the terrible items.

Mario: Thank you, sir!

They leave.

???: Imbeciles... muttered Count Bleck.
 

(Onboard the plane)

Shif T: Hey, Rob-omb, what do you think is worse, the ignorance or the apathy?

Rob-omb: I don't know and I don't care.

Mario: Hey, guys, where's Luigi?

Rob-omb: I don't know and I don't care.
 

(Outside)

Luigi: WHY DO YOU HAVE SO MANY ANVILS?!
 

(Inside)

Shif T: So, what's our plan for when we arrive?

Rob-omb: I say we chart a course, then do some recon and analyze-

Mario: Let's just walk in random directions.

Shif T: Deal.

Rob-omb: If Luigi were here, he'd disagree...

Plane: Would anyone like a smoothi-

Everyone Else: NO!!!

Rob-omb: Have you been able to reach Princess Peach's cell phone yet?

Mario: No, not yet...

Shif T: If only you had switched to AT&T...

Mario: Hey, I hear screaming again...

Shif T: Hey, I hear it too...

Rob-omb: Yeah, same here...

Mario: I think it's coming from the window.

Mario heads over to the window.

Plane: Sir, would you like a cold hors d'ouvres?

Mario: No, thank you.

Plane: Would you like some toast?

Mario: Wha- No! I don't want any toast.

Plane: Would anyone else like any toast?

Mario: No, nobody wants any toast!

Plane: Would you like it later?

Mario: Look, I don't want any toast, and they don't want any toast. In fact, no one around here wants any toast. Not now, not ever, NO TOAST!

Plane: How about a muffin?

Mario: Or muffins! We don't like muffins around here! We want no muffins, no toast, no teacakes, no buns, baps, baguettes or bagels, no croissants, no crumpets, no pancakes, no potato cakes and no hot-cross buns, and DEFINITELY no friggin flapjacks.

Plane: Ahh, so you're a waffle man!

Mario: Forget you!

Mario and Co. look out the window and see Luigi hanging from the wing.

Mario: Oh, my God!

Shif T: Oh, my God!

Rob-omb: Oh, my God!

Dimentio: Oh, my God!

Mario: Wha- DIMENTIO?! What are you doing here?!

Dimentio: Uhh, nothing. Ciao!

Dimentio teleports away.

Rob-omb: Uuh, Mario?

Mario: Oh, yeah. Oh, my God! Luigi, are you okay?!

Luigi: I'M HANGING FROM A WING WITH ANVILS SMASHING MY FACE!!! NO, I'M NOT OKAY!!!

Rob-omb: How can we get him back in?!

Shif T: Don't worry! E. Gadd gave me something for just this occasion! Behold, his patent-pending "Pull Luigi Off the Wing" 5000!

Mario: What the...?

Shif T uses the device and pulls Luigi back in.

Rob-omb: Are you okay, Luigi?

Luigi: Yes, thank you for asking, Rob-omb.

Mario: Hey, how come- Aww, never mind.

Shif T: How do you explain this, 30M3?!

Plane: Insufficient data to answer.

Shif T: I'll bet.

Rob-omb: You've got a lot of explaining to do, 30M3!

Luigi: I can tell you what happened!

Plane: Incoming projectile!

Mario: Wha-?!

A lavender-colored missile hits the plane.

Mario: Aagh!!! We're going down!!!

Rob-omb: Mayday! Mayday! I wonder why it's always mayday. It's only a bank holiday. Ascension Sunday! Ascension Sunday! Fifteenth Wednesday after Pentecost! Fifteenth Wednesday after Pentecost!

Luigi: It's French, you dork! M'aidez, not mayday!

Rob-omb: You lost me.

The plane crashes in a forest.

Mario: Aauugh... Is everyone okay?

Rob-omb: Yeah...

Shif T: Yes...

Luigi: Sure...

Plane: No...

Mario: Okay, good! Everyone's okay!

Luigi: What in the world was that?!

Rob-omb: Some kind of missile...

Shif T: Wish I could have gotten a closer look.

Luigi: A CLOSER LOOK?! IT RAMMED STRAIGHT INTO US!!!

Shif T: Still not close enough.

Rob-omb: Wait a minute, where are we?

Shif T: According to the map, it looks like we landed exactly where we needed to go; we're in "For a Moment Forest"!

Luigi: How convenient.

Mario: Wait... Aren't there... g-g-ghosts?!

Shif T: Why are you so afraid of ghosts? That's Luigi's job!

Luigi: Hey!

Rob-omb: Don't worry, Mario. I'm sure there are no ghosts!

A Boo appears behind Rob-omb.

Mario: R-R-R-Rob-omb! L-look out behind you!

Rob-omb: Oh, please, like I'd fall for that old trick.

The Boo taps Rob-omb on the shoulder.

Rob-omb: What do you want?

Boo: BOOOO!!!

Everyone Else: EEEEEKKK!!!

They all run off.

Boo: Hmm... Maybe I shouldn't yell "Boo" at the people I want to ask for directions...
 

(Later)

Mario: Whew... I think we lost him.

Luigi: This is just like the time those Koopas chased me because someone said I thought their costumes were dumb.

Mario: Yeah. I can't believe those Koopas fell for my trick.

Luigi: Wait... THAT WAS YOU?!

Mario: Oh... That was not the right thing to say.

Rob-omb: Luigi? Are you okay? Why are you all red?

Shif T: Yeah, you might want to start running now.

Luigi: I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!!!

Mario: EEEK!!! Wait, Luigi! Look out behind you!

Luigi: Oh, right, like I'm going to fall for that.

Boo: Excuse me, do you know which way the center of the woods is?

Luigi: Nope, sorry. Wait a second...

Everyone: EEEEEEEKKKKK!!!

They run away again.

Boo: Why me?

After twelve more times of this, they reach a clearing.

Mario: *pant...* I think we lost him.

Rob-omb: Again.

Shif T: Hey, look!

They look ahead and see three pathways.

Luigi: Great. Which one do we pick?

Shif T: Well, this path here looks different than the other two, so if we take it-

Mario: We should take this path!

Shif T: But, y-

Mario: LET'S-A GO!!!

Rob-omb: This can't end well...

They travel down the left path for about an hour.

Luigi: We're getting nowhere...

Shif T: I really think we should take another path...

Mario: Don't worry! If we just keep moving, we'll make it there in no time for sure!
 

Five hours laterů

Shif T: I REALLY think we should take another path...

John Koopa: I agree. I can't keep typing this. It's almost dinnertime!

Mario: You're right. We've been going in a complete circle for hours.

Everyone else: WHAAAT?!

Mario: Let's go back to the main clearing.
 

(At the clearing)

Luigi: Wait... You KNEW that we were going the wrong way?!

Mario: No, I thought if we kept moving, we could find the end of the circle.

Rob-omb: Hey, Luigi, how do you keep changing colors like that?

Luigi: AAAAAAAAGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!

Mario: Wow, I never thought I'd live to see a twenty-one-letter word.

Rob-omb: Hey, guys, do you hear something?

Shif T: You mean other than Luigi screaming?

Mario: Hey, I hear it too...

Rob-omb: It's coming from the middle path.

Mario: Let's-a go.

Luigi: Oh, I give up.

They head down the middle path.

Mario: Hey, guys, what's this bucket of water doing here?

Shif T: Just throw it away and forget about it.

Mario throws the bucket of water away.
 

(Off in the distance)

Angry Sun: Mwahaha... At last... I will have my revenge on Mario! He may have gotten lucky once, he may have even gotten lucky twice, BUT HE AIN'T GETTI-

A bucket of water falls on Angry Sun and douses his flames.

Angry Sun: Aww, COME ON!!!
 

(Back on the path)

Mario: We must be close by now.

Luigi: That's what you said last ti-

Mario: Found it!

Luigi: *sigh...*

They see several Boos being beaten up by a monstrous, dark-blue beast.

Boo: Somebody help us!

???: Hahaha! You're pathetic!

Mario: Look! We have to help them!

Luigi: Woah, since when do you care about Boos?

Mario: Nobody deserves to be treated like that!

Mario rushes to the rescue.

Mario: Are you guys okay?

Boos: Yeah, I think so.

Mario: Use your sneaking ability to hide and escape from him. Regroup, and if I can't beat him, find help and take refuge until it arrives.

Boos: Thank you, kind hero!

Rob-omb: Woah, since when did Mario get so amazing?

Shif T: He's being clever, brave, intelligent, and decisive...That worries me.

Mario walks up to the creature.

Mario: Just who do you think you are?!

???: I'm the invincible FLUBBA BLUBBA!!!

Mario: Oh, yeah? Well, why don't you just back off, Flubby?

Flubba Blubba: Flubby? Grrr!!! NOBODY CALLS ME FLUBBY!!!

Flubba Blubba walks over and punches Luigi.

Luigi: Oww! Why did you hit me?!

Flubba Blubba: Because you called me Flubby!

Luigi: No I didn't! It was Mario!

Mario: Gee, thanks, Luigi.

Flubba Blubba: Don't ever call me that again!

Mario: Fine, Flubba Blubba.

Flubba Blubba: NOBODY CALLS ME FLUBBA BLUBBA!!!

Flubba Blubba punches Luigi again.

Luigi: What?! Flubba Blubba is your name!

Flubba Blubba: Yes, but nobody ever calls me that.

Mario: Well, what do they call you?

Flubba Blubba: They call me stupid-looking.

Mario: Stupid-looking?

Flubba: HOW DARE YOU CALL ME STUPID-LOOKING!!!

Flubba punches Luigi again.

Luigi: SHUT UP, MARIO!!!

Mario: That's it, whoever you are! You're going down!

{BATTLE SEQUENCE}

Mario: 75 HP
Vs.
Flubba Blubba: ??? HP

Mario: Feel the wrath of my Firestorm!!
(No noticeable damage)

Flubba Blubba: Hah! You are weak! Face this, the dreaded Cosmic Fart!!!
(Mario: 45 HP)

Mario: Oh, God, you REALLY stink. But you'll never win!

Luigi: You tell him, Mario!

Mario: Behold! My Feather Duster of Doom!!!
(Mario tickles Flubba with the feather duster.)

Flubba: Hmmm... Well played, Hero. But you overlooked one thing... I'm not ticklish.

Mario: NOOOO!!! I have been defeated!

Mario flees from battle.

Luigi: Oh, are you kidding me?!

{BATTLE OVER}

Mario: It's no use... But why can't I defeat you?

Flubba: Because, while you may be strong, Bowser made me invincible!

Shif T: How?!

Flubba: Bowser took away my only weakness...

Rob-omb: Gasp! You don't meanů

Flubba: That's right! Bowser took away... my bladder!

Luigi: Wow...

Rob-omb: That's not what I was expecting...

Shif T: Only in a videogame...

Mario: Oh no...

Flubba: Now, to finish y-

Suddenly Mario and Co. get pulled into the shadows.

Flubba: Huh? Where'd everybody go? Marco?
Polo? MARCO?!
 

(Back in the clearing)

Mario: Woah... How did we end up here?

???: Because I transported you here.

Luigi: Who are you?

Lady Bow: My name now appears in the text box. I am the leader of the Boos.

Bootler: And I am her faithful butler, Bootler. I apologize for not getting here sooner, but I looked at my watch and saw it was teatime.

Lady Bow: I saw how bravely you fought against Flubba Blubba, so I saved you.

Luigi: But, why are you here now?

Lady Bow: Because I would like to join you...

Shif T: Gasp! A real Paper Mario partner?!

Lady Bow: But I can't, so I'll send Bootler.

Luigi: Oh, of course.

Bootler: I will fight by your side. I was quite the kickboxer in my day!

Luigi: But now you don't have any legs!

Bootler: That's beside the point. Now, would anyone like some hot coffee?

Bootler trips on thin air and spills it on Luigi.

Luigi: OOOOWWWW!!! How can you trip while floating?!

Bootler: Allow me to try again, sir.

After six more times of this, Bootler gives up.

Bootler: Well, I can still fight like the dickens!
(Team members: 6)

Mario: Wait, since when do we have six team members?!

Shif T: Well, the plane still technically counts, even if it is incapacitated...

Luigi: Then how come it never helps us fight?!

Shif T: I dunno.

Mario: So, what do we do?

Lady Bow: You need to retrieve Flubba's weakness... his bladder.

Luigi: Eww! I don't wanna!

Lady Bow: I'll pay you five coins.

Luigi: Deal!

Both grin.

Mario: Well, what are we waiting for? Let's-a go!

Luigi: You're gonna have to stop doing that...
 

(Later)

Bootler: Now, are you all sure you don't want any toast?

Everyone else: NO TOAST!!!

Mario: Jeeze... It sure is creepy around here...

Shif T: Yeah... Who knows what lurks around this creepy forest?

Rob-omb: There could be Lizardons, Tanoombas, and Boos!

Mario: Oh, my!

Bootler: I take offense to that.

Everyone else: Lizardons, Tanoombas, and Boos!

Mario: Oh, my!

Suddenly a Lizardon from Wario's Woods jumps out of a bush.

Lizardon: Roooaaarrr!!!

Everyone else: EEEK!!!

Bootler: Don't worry, sirs! I'll stop him!

Bootler tries to attack, but merely passes through Lizardon.

Luigi: Great, we're saddled with a Boo that can't fight.

Lizardon: Roaar! You're a bunch'a cowards! I'll fight you standing on one foot! I'll fight you with my eyes closed! You chickens!

Rob-omb slaps Lizardon.

Mario: Hey, I thought Rob-omb didn't have any hands.

Rob-omb: You should be ashamed of yourself, bullying us around like that!

Lizardon: (crying) Why'd you have to go and hit me? *sniff...*

Rob-omb: Why, you're nothing but a big coward!

Lizardon: You're right. I haven't any courage at all, ever since Wario's Woods where I get crushed by giant blocks over and over...

Mario: Well, that's too bad. I wish we could help!

Shif T: Well, maybe when we get the Star Rod back from Bowser, we can wish you had your courage!

Lizardon: Y-you'd do that for me?! Thank you! For that, I'll tell you how to find Flubba Blubba's
only weakness in case you run into him!

Luigi: Wait, how do you know Flubba Blubba's
weakness?

Lizardon: Because I'm a plot device. Anyway, his bladder is in the northwestern clearing of the woods. However, you need to get the key
first, and its guardian is a strange one...

Mario: Thanks, we'll remember you!

They leave.

Mario: Well, that was lucky. Who do you think is the guardian?

Rob-omb: Mickey Mouse. It isn't any more far-fetched than the rest of this story!

Shif T: You wish, Rob-omb.

Suddenly they spot a statue of a Tanoomba.

Mario: Look! It's a statue of a Tanoomba!

Luigi: Yeah, the text box just said that.

Mario: Hello? Can you hear us?

Tanoomba: ...Mumble...mumble...

Rob-omb: Why is he saying "Mumble"?

Mario: Quick! Get a can of the plane's oil and pour it on him!

They pour it on the Tanoomba and it turns back to normal.

Tanoomba: Thanks! I turned into a statue to escape Flubba Blubba, but then it rained and I rusted.

Bootler: I say, old chap, would you happen to know the location of Flubba's bladder?

Tanoomba: Yes. An odd Boo with no sense of direction has it.

Bootler: Thank you, sir. Good day.

Tanoomba: You know, I wish I had a heart-

Luigi: That's nice. Bye!

They leave.

Bootler: I say, old bean, where would one find someone with no sense of direction?

Rob-omb: Probably in Missouri.

Bootler: That is hardly helpful, old bean.

Rob-omb: Please don't call me "old bean".

Bootler: Very well, old bomb.

Mario: Look, there he is!

Boo: Oh, it's you guys again.

Luigi: Yes. Do you have the key?

Boo: Yes, but I'll only give it to someone who helps me find my way.

Luigi: Why did you scare us when we first met?

Boo: Because it's in my nature to yell "Boo" at everyone I meet. I'm not all that bright because
I don't have a brain.

Mario: Really?

Boo: Oh, my mind would be fit as a fiddle, I'd solve every riddle, if I only had a brain...

Everyone else: There'd be no more doubts or guessing, you would only be progressing, if you only had a brain...

Bootler: You know, the right path is to the left.

Boo: Ahh! At last! I know where to go! Finally! As thanks, I'll give you this key.

Bootler: Cherio, old Boo!

Mario: Hmm... This key looks odd.

Lackey: Get your hands off me! HELP! HELP!

Mario: EEK!!! It talks!

Lackey: That's right, yeti-lip! The name's Lackey!

Luigi: Bad puns...

Mario: We're gonna use you to get Flubba's bladder!

Lackey: Why? It's right over there!

Lackey points to a bush.

Mario: So... we went through all that for nothing?

Lackey: Yep.

Rob-omb: But, that means Flubba isn't really invincible!
 

(Bowser Castle)

Smith: Bowser, did you really make Flubba invincible, or did you just put his weakness in a bush like you always do?

Bowser: Don't worry. I'll make him invincible... tomorrow.

Smith: *sigh...* Thirty coins, here I come...
 

(For a Moment Forest)

Mario: All right, let's go beat Flubba and get the
Sacred Bean!

Everyone but Luigi: WAHOO!!!

Luigi: Whee...

Bootler: I say, all this excitement has left me in need of a spot of tea.

Rob-omb: Not now, Bootler! We've got work to do!

Bootler: You're right, old bomb! Let's get to work!

The five charge into the central clearing.

Flubba Blubba: So, you have returned.

Mario: You got that right!

Rob-omb: Wow, it seems like Mario becomes a different person when someone's in actual danger!

Shif T: I guess that's what makes him the hero of this story. We should probably let him deal with Flubba Blubba.

Flubba: Hah! You can't win! I have an army of Clubbas with me! Clubbas! To arms!

Clubbas: Zzzzzz...

Flubba: Oh, great, sleeping on the job AGAIN?!

Clubbas: Zzzzzz...

Flubba: How come you never obey my orders?!

Clubbas: Zzzz... Your orders... are stupid...

Flubba: Wait, if you're asleep, how can you say that?!

Clubbas: Zzzzzz...

Flubba: GRR... It looks like I have no choice but to cut your salary!

The Clubbas all wake up.

Clubbas: We're ready for battle, sir!

Flubba: That's more like it! Clubbas! ATTACK!!!

Mario: Hmm... There's way too many of them. This looks like a job for a real superhero!

Rob-omb: Gasp! You don't mean...

Mario: Oh, I mean.

Mario jumps into a telephone booth and becomes Paper Mario.

Luigi: Wait, where did that phone booth come from?!

Mario: This is a job for... Flatman.

(Doo dee doo dee FLATMAN!!!)

Flatman: Rob-omb! To me!

Rob-omb: Holy awesome reunion, Flatman!

Luigi: Hey, no fair...

Flubba: Just try to beat me, flat-head!

{BOSS BATTLE!!!}

Flatman: 75 HP
Rob-omb: 85 HP
Vs.
Flubba: ???: HP
Clubbas: 120 HP

Flatman: Hah! You can't win, Flubba, for we have found your only weakness!

Flubba: No! It can't be!

Flatman: That's right! We found... YOUR BLADDER!!!

Flatman rushes forward, opening Flubba's anatomy with Lackey and placing the bladder inside.

Flubba: NOOO!!! I can feel myself getting weaker! And I have to go potty!
(Flubba: 130 HP)

Flatman: Face the power of the Flat-marang!
(Flubba: 110 HP)

Rob-omb: Feel the wrath of my Horribly Cheesy
Catchphrases!
(Clubbas: 92 HP)

Flubba: I REALLY GOTTA GO!!! Eat this! Hubba Bubba Max Gum!
(Mario: 68 HP)

Rob-omb: Holy cheap artificial flavor, Flatman!

Clubbas: Heh... Hubba Bubba...

Flubba: Stop making fun of my name, and attack!

Clubbas: Go! Naptime!
(The Clubbas go back to sleep.)

Flubba: Oh, COME ON!!!

Flatman: Go, Flat Coke!
(Flubba: 97 HP)

Flubba: Uugh! I hate flat coke!

Bootler: Don't worry! I'll help too!
(Bootler tries to attack Flubba but trips on thin air again.)

Rob-omb: Holy worthless partners, Flatman!
Go, Flat-Bomb!
(Flubba: 80 HP)

Flubba: Oh, yeah? Take this, flatty! Go, Punch! ...of Death!
(Mario: 45 HP)

Flatman: You're just making this up as you go along.

Flubba: Yeah, but so is the author!

Clubbas: Zzzzzz...

Flubba: WHY ARE MY MINIONS SO WORTHLESS?!

Luigi: Join the club, buddy.

Shif T: Heh... Club... Clubbas...

Luigi: Yeah, we get it.

Mario: Wait, why aren't you three helping?

Luigi: Uhh... err... We have to... umm...

Bootler: We're certainly not cowering in fear, if that's what you're thinking...

Shif T: We're right behind you! WAAAYY behind you!

Mario: I'm completely flaterghasted. Oh, well, at least I have the protective powers of my Flat Jacket!
(Flatman: DEF up)

Rob-omb: And I still have my Flat Iron!
(Flubba: 55 HP)

Mario: That's why they call us flatfoots!

Flubba: OWWW!!! That hurt! And I still have to go!!! Bodyslam!
(Rob-omb: 35 HP)

Flatman: NO! Rob-omb!

Clubbas (waking up): Aha! It worked! They didn't attack us! Mass Blast!
(Flatman: 22 HP)

Flatman: Urrgh... I'm being flattened...

Rob-omb: Is this the end?!

Flubba: Uughh... That's it! I can't hold it any longer!!!

Flubba Blubba flees the battle.

Luigi: ... I can see why it's his only weakness.

Shif T: Unbelievable.

Bootler: Well, I guess it's safe to join the fight now.

Luigi: 100 HP
Shif T: 90 HP
Bootler: 2 HP

Clubbas: Oh, shoot.

Flatman: Combo Attack!

Shif T: Shakedown!
Luigi: Green Flame!
Rob-omb: Bob-ombast!
Bootler: Hot Coffee Spill!
Flatman: Flat-ulence!

MASSIVE DAMAGE!!!
(Clubbas: 0 HP)

{BOSS BATTLE ENDED!!!}

Mario changes back to normal.

Mario: Whew, we did it.

Rob-omb: What do you mean "we"? Flatman and the rest of us did all the work while you were gone doing who knows what!

Mario: *sigh...*

Luigi: Well, it looks like Flubba didn't have the Sacred Bean after all.

Bootler: Wait, you want the Sacred Bean?

Luigi: Yeah. Do you know where it is?

Bootler: Umm... well...
 

(Inside Boo Mansion)

Lady Bow: Ahh, at last, my bean collection is finished.
 

(In the forest)

Luigi: Are you kidding me?

Bootler: Sorry, but if you want the bean, you must see her.

Mario: Fine, let's go.
 

(Boo Mansion)

Lady Bow: So, you want my bean?

Mario: Yes, please.

Lady Bow: Hmm... You did save my people... and your manners are splendid... Very well. I'll give them to you on one condition. I may not look like it, but I'm quite the culinary master, and I need some new ingredients for my Spooky Stew.

Mario: What ingredients do you need?

Lady Bow: I need three Poison Mushrooms, a Cooking Mistake, some Fish Bones, and Trial Stew.

Luigi: Where can we get those?

Mario: Hey, Luigi, Look! Don't you remember? We bought all those things at the Toad Town market!!!

Luigi: Wow! I never thought those would have a use!

Mario hands Lady Bow the ingredients.

Lady Bow: Thank you. And now, Mario, I present you the Sacred Bean!

Mario: Finally! We got-a the Sacred Bean!!!

Luigi: But there's still something I don't understand...

Lady Bow: Yes?

Luigi: Who fired that missile at us in the first place?
 

(Bowser Castle)

Bowser: Well, Smith, even though I lost 30 coins, I must say that was some nice shooting.

Smith: Thank you, Master...

Both: Mwahahahahahahaa!!!

Read on!


 
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