Pooper Mario

By John Koopa

Chapter 6: Perspective
(Bowser Castle)

Twinkie: Well, Princess, are you ready to escape?

Princess Peach: No, not yet. Even with those tools Bowser gave me, Smith is too cunning for us to get by. We should wait until the right time.

Twinkie: Okay... Well, what should we do in the meantime?

Peach: Let's take a look around.

Peach and Twinkie head into a kitchen with a blue Chuboomba sitting on the floor.

Peach: *Gasp!*

Baron Von Bon Bon: What are you doing here?!

Peach: Hey, I thought Bowser fired you!

Baron: Wha… How did you know that?!

Peach: You won't believe what we hear in Bowser's room.

Baron: Well, Bowser may have fired me, but Smith re-hired me because I'm the only chef in the kingdom who can read.

Twinkie: I'm not surprised.

Baron: Anyway, I also... Wait, why am I telling you all this?! I should throw you back in that cell!

Peach: Please, don't! Isn't there something we can do?

Baron: Well... there is one thing. I need a new special desert for my next minion army.

Peach: You mean to feed them?

Baron: No, to make them. Anyway, I have been in a creative slump. If you can make something spectacular, I promise not to tell.

Twinkie: We don't make deals with bad guys-

Peach: But, we'll make an exception!

Peach drags Twinkie away.

Peach: Jeeze, they don't have many ingredients!

Twinkie: Don't worry, I worked in a five-star restaurant!

Peach: Really? Wow!

They see an odd, two-dimensional being cooking hot dogs.

Peach: Who are you?

Mr. Game & Watch: Beep! (I'm Mr. Game & Watch! Do you ladies need help?)

Twinkie: Hey, I'm a guy!

Peach: Yes, we do need help, if you can spare it.

Mr. Game & Watch: Beep! (Never fear, for I am a master chef, fireman, doctor, sewer worker, stalwart hero, ma-)

Peach: Uhh, yeah, sure, can we just start?

Peach, Twinkie and G&W all bake a cake.

Peach: *Whew* I think we're done. Thanks for your help!

Mr. Game & Watch: Beep! (Bye!)


Peach: Well, we're done!

Baron: Well, this certainly looks impressive! I can't wait to eat- I mean, use it to make minions.

Suddenly the cake starts to move.


Everyone else: EEEEK!!!

Peach: How did this happen?! Twinkie, I thought you said you worked at a five-star restaurant!

Twinkie: Yes, I was a bathroom attendant!


The Baron runs and smashes a hole in the wall next to the door, causing a shelf to fall and knockout Bundt.

Peach: Oops.

Suddenly Kamek bursts into the room.

Kamek: *Gasp* Our kitchen! How dare you?! That's it! I'm locking both of you in the dungeon for two months!


Twinkie: Jeeze, that's one month apiece!

Peach: ... Can we be in separate cells?

(Bowser's control room)

Smith: Hmm... Bowser's usually here in every chapter...

Suddenly a horrible screeching noise is heard.

Smith: Auugh!!

Smith walks up to a Magikoopa.

Smith: Has one of our cannons malfunctioned, or is Bowser trying to play the violin again?

Magikoopa: Both.

(Bowser's room)

Bowser: Uugh! Why can't I play this DAD-blasted thing?!

Smith enters.

Smith: Well, sir, why don't you just wish you knew how to play it?

Bowser: *sigh* Great, it's you again, Smith. Didn't I send you on vacation?

Smith: Yes, but you called me back to fix the radio, remember?

Bowser: Hmm... Oh, yeah.

Smith: Anyway, may I call the troops to attention? It's time for their yearly intelligence test again.

Bowser: Oh, right. MINIONS!!!

The Koopa Troop arrives.

Bowser: Okay, it's time for your intelligence test. Those of you who are here, say "present". Those of you who are not here, say "absent".

Smith: ...

Bowser: Okay, now for the first test. Who can tell me how many times three goes into nine?

Koopa: Three times.

Bowser: Uhh... Correct.

Koopa: With two left over.

Monty Mole: No, you idiot! There's only one left over!

Bowser: Umm... Moving on.

Bowser hands everyone a box with circle, triangle, and square indentations, then gives them circle-, triangle- and square-shaped blocks.

Bowser: Okay, now fit the blocks into the correct shapes.

Smith: But, that looks easy!

Blooper: (trying to jam the square block into the triangle indent) It won't fit!

Monty Mole: Don't be silly! The square block goes in the circle-shaped indent!

Smith: ... I see what you mean, sir.

(Many more wrong answers later...)

Bowser: Okay, enough! You all pass!

Troops: YIPPIE!!!

They all leave.

Smith: But they didn't get a single right answer!

Bowser: Yes, but the passing grade was zero percent or higher!

Smith: Then what's the point of the test?

Bowser: To make sure there's nothing wrong or different about their intellects. Although, I guess it would be nice if they were a little

Smith: Well, why don't you just wish they were smarter?

Bowser: Well, I'm busy, so why don't you do it?

Bowser hands Smith the Star Rod.

Smith: Okay, I wish that the Koopa Troop was-

Bowser snatches it back.

Bowser: No! That's not how you're supposed to do it! You have to do it with feeling! Watch and learn!

Bowser's eyes grow bigger and sad music plays.

Bowser: Star light... star bright... First star I see tonight... I wish I may... I wish I might... I wish it was Christmas every day!

The Star Rod glows and it starts snowing in Dark Land.

Smith: *sniff* That was so beautiful...

Bowser: And now I wish it wasn't.

The snow stops.

Bowser: And that's how it's done.

Smith: ... Forget I asked.

Bowser: Anyway, we may have to be prepared for the worst soon...

Smith: Why, sir?

Bowser: Because Mario already has six Sacred Beans.

Smith: Six?! I thought he only had five!

Bowser: No... Mario has retrieved the sixth Sacred Bean from Flower Valley.

(E. Gadd's house)

E. Gadd: Well, boys, I'm amazed you did it. Not only did you get the sixth Sacred Bean from Flower Valley, but you also reunited the whole group.

Mario: It sure wasn't easy!

Luigi: Yeah, these idiots finally came for us after abandoning us in the Looney Bin.

Bootler: I apologize. That was a rather dreadful place.

Shif T: When I asked Anti Guy why he led us the wrong way, he said "Wilson" told him to.

Anti Guy holds up the pickle jar.

Anti Guy: Wilson said it was time we knew what it was like to be trapped in a box.

Luigi: But we were mostly lost thanks to that stupid Plane.

E. Gadd: Well, don't keep me in suspense any longer! This sounds very intriguing! Please, tell me exactly what happened!

Everyone Else: Well, it was-

E. Gadd: Please, one at a time! Who's first?

Mario: ME!!

Luigi: No way.

Mario: Why not me?!

Luigi: Because you're the only one here with an IQ below your age.

Mario: Uhh... What was my age again?

Shif T: Actually, I think it would be good to have Mario start, just to give us a feel for what happened, then the rest of us can go.

Mario: Well, it went something like this...

(Mario's personal narrative)

Mario Narrating: It was a bright and sunny morning. After I had my usual conversation with E. Gadd and after saying farewell to Raphael the Penguin, Rob-omb, Bootler, Wario, and I heard a distress signal coming from the Plane, telling us that he, Luigi, Shif T, and a new member were trapped in the Looney Bin. "Well, we've got to go save them!" said
Rob-omb. After gathering our supplies, we quickly set off.

As we were entering the Toy Box, we heard Shif T and Co. yelling for help. Steeling our nerves and preparing for the worst, we entered the keep. Upon our arrival, we found Shif T and Co. (along with a strange newcomer) much faster than we thought. "Luigi, it's-a me, Mario!" I called jovially. I heard Luigi mutter something unintelligible, and after a quick reunion, we made our way out of the Box (Though I did see Wario throw a brick at Shif T and yell something about his wallet.)

Anyway, after we discussed our plan of action, we prepared to head for the Flower Fields you told us about. As we gathered our gear, I noticed Luigi had a large bump on his head and the Plane was hiding an anvil. Odd... I can't figure out the connection. Soon, we finally arrived at the entrance to Flower Fields. However, as we came up to the gate, the wind
started to blow... the trees shook... the ground quaked... and out from the woods emerged the most TERRIFYING monster any of us had ever witnessed! Well, as this great beast stomped menacingly toward us, I knew there was
only one thing to do...

{Battle Sequence}

???: ?? HP
Mario: 95 HP
Rob-omb: 105 HP
Luigi: 111 HP
Bootler: 6 HP
Shif T: 100 HP
Plane: 60 HP
Wario: 115 HP
Anti Guy: 45 HP

Mario Narrating: As we prepared for battle, I quickly lunged for my opponent to try to gain an early advantage. However, I made a slight
error in my jump and the creature avoided my attack. The Plane readied an anvil to attack, but he accidentally dropped it on Luigi instead. (Luigi: 89 HP) Rob-omb ran over to explode on the beast, but he also made the same error and tripped, exploding on Luigi. (Luigi: 67 HP) I heard Luigi scream "WHY IS IT ALWAYS ME?!" Not understanding what he meant, I quickly lunged back into battle. Luigi used his famed Super Jump, but he jumped too high and hit a tree branch. (Luigi: 45 HP) I tried to help Luigi off the branch, but I pulled him too fast and he fell hard. (Luigi: 23 HP) Finally, Shif T slammed into the beast and it retreated.

{Battle Over}

Mario Narrating: Somehow, through our combined efforts, we managed to frighten the beast off. Shaken as we were, we continued into the Flower Fields at last. However, the dark clouds that covered the fields did not
disappear upon our victory over the beast. Perplexed, we decided to ask the townsfolk for answers. We approached an odd, flower-like creature. "Excuse me, but who might you be?" I asked.

"I'm a Crayzee Dayzee! My name's Hayzee! Welcome to Flower Fields!" Its strange rhymes aside, when I looked around, I saw no flowers in sight. When I asked why this was so, Hayzee's demeanor instantly became
depressed. "Well, you see, ever since the Koopa Captain took over the Great Castle in the Sky, the Sun has been blocked out, causing flowers to stop blooming. Pretty soon, our very way of life may die..."

Angered, we quickly agreed that this tyranny could not stand. "How can we get to the castle?" I asked.

"Well, the only way we know to get up there is to plant a magic bean and grow a beanstalk."

This presented a problem. Where on Plit could we find a bean like that? Suddenly Rob-omb shouted, "Hey, Mario! We can use a Sacred Bean for the beanstalk!"

Shocked at the idea, we were all troubled at the prospect. Planting the bean would mean our quest to get them all would be impossible. However, if we didn't, these people could die. It was disappointing that, after all our hard work getting them, we had to give one up. However, the decision was unanimous. "We'll do it."

Soon, we all sadly planted the bean away. However, for this beanstalk to grow, we needed one other thing... the Sun. So, knowing what we had to do, we set off for Dry Dry Desert. After landing there in the Plane, we sought out the one unlikely being that could help us. "Angry Sun? Where are you?!" I called. Then, noticing the Angry Sun sitting on a rock nearby, we sought his help.

"Aww, what do you want? Can't you see I'm
depressed?!" he said sourly.

"Why are you so depressed?" asked Luigi.

"Because I can never defeat you!" At this, we decided it would be best to console him.

"Aww, don't give up! You might defeat us one day! Remember: If at first you don't succeed, fly, fly away!" said Anti Guy awkwardly. However, this actually seemed to brighten up the Angry Sun.

"Hey... You're right! I can't give up! Thanks, you guys!" And with that, the Angry Sun began viciously attacking us. Luckily, the Plane hit him on the head with an anvil, knocking him out. We then proceeded to drag the Angry Sun back. Unfortunately, the Sun's heat lit the fuse on Rob-omb, causing him to explode on Luigi. (Luigi: 13 HP)

We finally returned to the Fields. With the light from the Sun and the bean's power, the beanstalk grew into a mighty thing. It stretched high into the clouds, and we all knew this may be our toughest challenge yet. "Good luck, you guys!" called Hayzee.

Steeling our nerves, we began scaling the beanstalk. "But I'm scared of heights!" yelled Rob-omb.

We finally reached the imposing fortress, and after much protesting and wallet-snatching, we proceeded into the castle. We fought our way through grueling traps, horrifying enemies, and cruel puzzles, and after we could barely stand it anymore, we reached the balcony. We gazed out into the distance, looking for our enemy. We weren't disappointed; a massive
airship soon flew into view. Oddly enough, it looked like a smaller version of Bowser Jr's ship.

"Hey, what do you think you're doing here?!" called the Koopa Captain.

"We're here to stop you, fiend!" called Shif T.

"Hah! You may have defeated the Bowser Jr. Airship Senior, but now I'll defeat you with the
Bowser Jr. Airship Junior!"

Wondering how he planned to defeat us with a worse version of Bowser Jr's ship, we prepared for battle. "But how can we reach him from down here?" asked Luigi.

"Well, we could always fly up in the Plane," said Shif T.

Then, a horrid realization came over us. "Wait... Why didn't we just fly up here in the Plane in the first place?!" I asked, growing angry.

"Well, the Plane said he couldn't fly us
up!" said Rob-omb.

When I asked the Plane why it couldn't fly us up, its response was the aggravating: "Insufficient data to answer."

My blood boiling at the thought that we could have saved our Sacred Bean, we decided that the Plane and Bootler would fly up to battle the
airship. "I say, old chap, let's brawl!" said Bootler as he flew up to the airship.

And so, the battle commenced. The Koopa Captain, using his superior speed to that of my companions, quickly fired Bullet Bill cannons.
However, with Bootler's incredible speed and the Plane's thick armor, no damage was taken.
The Plane retaliated, dealing massive damage, and Bootler shielded the Plane. The Koopa Captain tried another attack, but to no avail.

It was now that I began to realize how truly worthless and pathetic this "Bowser Jr. Airship Junior" really was. We had faced hard trials and tribulations far worse than this hunk of scrap metal, and I saw no reason to stay and watch this clearly one-sided battle. I decided to
return to the surface and see if there was a way to salvage the Sacred Bean.

Upon my arrival back in Flower Fields, I saw the Crayzee Dayzees dancing in joy. Wondering what they could be so happy about,
I asked one of the locals. "Our bean harvest is complete!" she said.

"Bean harvest?" I asked in wonder.

"Yep! Every time a beanstalk grows, we salvage the beans that grow on it! Thanks to you, we now have an entire field of Sacred Beans!"

I was in total shock. "AN ENTIRE FIELD OF
SACRED BEANS?! WHERE?!" I asked emphatically.

"Over here!" She led us to a massive garden filled with sparkling beans. We were filled with joy. Our quest was complete! We could just take all we needed! Then, just as we
were about to... disaster struck.

A lavender-colored missile crashed into the bean garden, obliterating it in a shower of flames. The trajectory led back to the Plane; probably a stray shot from battle. We were enraged and saddened beyond belief. However, we did see Bootler land the finishing blow on the airship, sending it crashing down in a heap.

"Did you get the Sacred Bean?" asked Wario as Bootler flew down.

"No, old chap, it wasn't anywhere up there!" replied Bootler.

The local overheard our conversation. "Oh, you wanted that? The Koopa Captain didn't have it, we did! It's our prized treasure, but you can have it as a token of our thanks!" she said, handing us the bean. I was too upset
to do my corny catchphrase, so I merely accepted the now-useless bean.

Our quest had been foiled by the Plane from minute one. But before I could say anything to it, I turned around and found the Plane was gone.

(Mario's narrative ends)

Mario: After that, we pulled ourselves together and came back to you.

E. Gadd: ...

Mario: Uhh... E. Gadd?

E. Gadd: ... ARRRGGHH!!! Always!! Always!! We always hear it from Mario's perspective! Every story- every game- is ALWAYS told by Mario!! Even Luigi's Mansion was told from Mario's perspective! It was just a publicity stunt to make Luigi popular! I'm sick of it! Can't ANYONE else tell me what happened?!

Rob-omb: Jeeze, why are y-

E. Gadd: You spoke, so YOU tell it!!

Rob-omb: Well... I guess... After all, Mario's story was pretty inaccurate...

(Rob-omb's personal narrative)

Rob-omb Narrating: Well, after we said goodbye to Raphiel the Penguin, we came and spoke to you, then went back to Mario's house. It was a bright and sunny morning as far as I could tell, though I hated seeing everything in gray. Soon, we heard a distress signal from the Plane, and we set off to find Shif T and Co. (I personally can't stand Luigi.)

As we set out for the Toy Box, I saw Mario acting stupid as always. It's probably his fault we took so long. When we entered, I saw a second Mario inside the Looney Bin. "Hey, Mario, since when were there two of you?!" I asked, startled.

"What?! That's Luigi! Can't you tell by his
green outfit?!" he said.

"Sorry, I'm color-blind," I said.

"What? Really? How come you never told us?"

"Well, soooorry I didn't tell you all my secrets! Why didn't you tell me about your Ken & Kelly dolls?" I asked in anger.

"Hey, how did you know about that?!"

And so, after much bickering, we set off to Flower Fields. As we headed for the gate to the Fields, I noticed something strange. The sky grew dark... the wind blew... the ground shook... and out from the woods emerged the most terrifying beast any of us had ever
seen!! I, of course, wasn't scared at all. "Bring it on!" I boldly declared.

{Battle Sequence}

???: ?? HP
Mario: 95 HP
Rob-omb: 105 HP
Shif T: 100 HP
Luigi: 111 HP
Bootler: 6 HP
Plane: 65 HP
Wario: 115 HP
Anti Guy: 45 HP

Rob-omb Narrating: 105 HP Hey, why did it list my HP again?! I'm not still in this fight!! Aww, whatever. Anyway, as the beast approached, I
saw Mario lunge at it, but he COMPLETELY messed up, as usual. Then, I saw the Plane drop an anvil on Luigi (89 HP) hey, that stupid text box cut me off! Anyway, after this disruption, I made a small error in my
attack- which was NOT my fault- and hit Lgi. (Luigi: 67 HP) Then, Luigi made one of the biggest blunders I've ever seen: His jump was so bad, he hit a tree (45 HP) hey, stop that!

John Koopa: Sorry.

Rob-omb Narrating: Anyway, Mario pulled Luigi down, slamming his head on the ground. (23 HP) As always, Mario was ruining it for us, until Shif T punched the beast, and it retreated. It was probably too scared of me!

{Battle Over}

Rob-omb: Well, after we drove off the beast - thanks to MY softening it up - we proceeded into the Fields. However, I did see Anti Guy drop his jar and it broke... I decided to pay it no heed, though Anti Guy looked broken up about it.

As we went in, we saw no flowers anywhere. There must have been trouble. Big surprise. We approached a weird flowery creature that looked like a tossed piece of broccoli, and Mario had a conversation with it. I knew
he would probably find a way to mess things up, so I listened in. From what I heard, the Koopa Captain had taken over the Sky Fortress, and the only way to get up there was to plant a magic bean and grow a beanstalk.
Even thought it was painfully obvious what we had to do, Mario - as usual - couldn't figure it out. "Hey, you moron, we can use the Sacred
Bean!" Everyone seemed distressed by this. I personally saw no reason why we couldn't just fly up there in the Plane, but when I asked it, it
said it was having engine trouble. Anyway, we had everything we needed to pull it off except the most crucial thing: the Sun. So, knowing what we had to do, we entered the Plane and flew to Dry Dry Desert.

When we arrived, Mario began shouting right in my ear, "Angry Sun?! Hellooo?!" I did my best to hold my temper. Luckily, we found the Angry Sun quickly.

"Oh, whadya' want? Can't you see I'm depressed?!" he said.

"Why are you depressed?" asked Mario. Or was it Luigi? I can never tell them apart.

"I can never defeat you, no matter how hard I try!" said Angry Sun. What a baby! Just as I thought this couldn't get any worse, Mario actually started ENCOURAGING the Angry Sun to beat us. And, lo and behold, it worked, and the Angry Sun began viciously attacking us. What a surprise. After the Plane beat him up, we carried the Sun back to the Fields. However, the heat from the Sun lit my fuse, causing me to explode on Luigi. That was the highlight of my week. (Luigi: 13 HP)

When we returned to the Fields, our beanstalk finally grew. When we decided to climb it, I saw how high up it was. It must have been at
least ten thousand feet! However, we made it up faster than I thought, and set eyes on the sky fortress. What an amazing castle it was!
When we entered, we made our way to the top with no trouble. Finally, we saw our enemy approaching. "Oh, no! The mighty Rob-omb! I surrender!" he said. (Well, he didn't say that exactly...) Just then, when I thought at LEAST we could do it together, Mario started talking about the Plane and Bootler getting all the action! And what's worse, a few minutes into the action and Mario and the others LEAVE! What am I, chopped liver?! Well, I wasn't just going to sit around like this! And so, with that, I snuck onto the airship while the captain was distracted.

Inside, I managed to sneak into the engine room. Luckily, it was unguarded. However, I did see a strange, blue-shelled Koopa Troopa
fiddling with the controls. "What are you doing here?" I asked.

"I could ask you the same thing," he replied. "Look, there's a lot of things I'd like to say to you and your friends, but for now, you just need to listen to me," he continued.

"Fine, what is it?" I asked.

"This airship is a lot stronger than you guys might think. The only way to stop it is from the inside. I need you to help me disable this thing."

"What can I do?" I asked, still wondering who this mystery-Koopa was.

"Just cut the red wire on this grid. That should stop it," he said, leaving.

I looked at the grid. "But, I'm color-blind!" I said, but he was already gone. Well, worried as I was, I decided to take a chance. And so, with that, I cut a wire, even though I don't have hands. Suddenly the ship started to quake, and explosions tore the ship apart right as the Plane launched an attack. Luckily, the blast threw me back into the Fields. There, I saw Mario gazing at some burning plants. "Mario! Did you see that?! I did it!!" I called ecstatically.

"What are you talking about, Rob-omb? The Plane defeated the airship!" Then, I realized that it would look like the Plane did it. As usual, I had been foiled, and by the Plane, no less. I was about to yell at the Plane, but when I turned around, I saw that it was gone.

(Rob-omb's narrative ends)

Rob-omb: And that's what happened.

Luigi: Jeeze, Mario and the Plane mess you up too?

Rob-omb: Yeah! You know about that?

Luigi: *sigh* Let me tell you what happened from my perspective. Maybe that'll show you I'm in the same boat.

(Luigi's personal narrative)

Luigi Narrating: It was a dark and stormy night. As usual, everything was cold and depressing. I lay awake, wondering how the Plane would torment me this time, when the Plane ordered pizza (probably to scam
poor Anti Guy). However, it looked like Mario somehow intercepted the call, and he arrived (much to my dismay) and found us. "Yo, Greenie! You lost?" Mario called arrogantly.

"Well, we wouldn't be if you hadn't left us here!" I called back angrily.

"Aww, stuff it, you big second-banana!" he replied. My pride crushed, I followed Mario the Tyrant meekly. However, Mario, being the complete moron he is, began leading us in
circles. It wasn't until Wario hurled a brick at Shif T for stealing his wallet that I managed to escape the Looney Bin.

After Bootler kindly filled me in on what we were doing, we headed to the Flower Fields like E. Gadd told us. When we arrived at the front
gate, the sky got even darker than it was before, the wind blew my brand new cap off, the ground shook me until my headache burned... and out from the woods emerged the second most UGLY beast I've ever seen, second only to Mario!!! Well, I was about to increase my chances for survival...

John Koopa: You mean by running away.

Luigi Narrating: Who said that?! ... Anyway, the beast rushed at us. The fight was on!

{Battle Sequence}

???: ?? HP
Luigi: 111 HP
Mario the Tyrant: 95 HP
Rob-omb: 105 HP
Bootler: 6 HP
Shif T: 100 HP
The Evil One: 65 HP
Wario: 115 HP
Anti Guy: 45 HP

Luigi Narrating: Well, as we were getting ready, Mario attempted one of the most pitiful first strikes I've ever seen. Not only did he miss, but he ran straight into a tree to boot. Suddenly the Plane used his signature Anvil Crush move. However, its target wasn't the monster. (Luigi: 89 HP) Then, suddenly Rob-omb tried to do his signature Final Blast, but he tripped on FLAT GROUND and exploded on
me. (Luigi: 23 HP) Then, to actually accomplish something, I tried to do my famous Super Jump, but after being hit on the head by an anvil and exploded on, I was disoriented and hit a tree. (Luigi: 45 HP) Then, since I hit the tree Mario rolled into, he tried to throw me at the monster, but he messed up AGAIN and threw me into another tree. (23 HP) Luckily, Shif T actually did something productive: He delivered a blindingly fast punch to the beast by U.S. Mail. When the monster opened the envelope, the punch hit it, and it retreated.

{Battle Over}

Luigi Narrating: After Shif T defeated the beast, we proceeded into the dull fields. I noticed that Anti Guy had dropped his jar during the fight, and I almost felt sorry for him, but I knew I had to focus on the
task at hand...

Upon our arrival, Mario and the others seemed shocked to find there were no flowers anywhere. I personally preferred it this way. When we delved in further, a demented-looking flowery freak approached us. "Welcome to our home! May I help you?" it said in that stupid chirpy manner that makes you want to just beat somebody up. Mario, of course, went up to talk to it. Heaven forbid anyone else ever get the spotlight.

From what it told us, we had to plant a Sacred Bean to get up to some fortress in the ozone. "Are you kidding?! If we do that, we won't gain anything! We'll be compromising the whole mission!" I protested.

Mario, of course, completely ignored me. "Good, it's unanimous," he said.

Then, before I could protest any further, Shif T reminded Mario of the chief problem with this whole ridiculous scheme. "We need the Sun." Then, before we knew it, Mario dragged us to Dry Dry Desert.

"ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!" I yelled angrily. "He'd never do it! Do you even realize what you're doing?!"

As usual, Mario ignored me, and I was a
fool for ever thinking he would listen. Soon, we found the slumping figure of the Angry Sun sitting on a rock (that was melting), looking
quite depressed. I would be too if I had to deal with Mario every day. Oh, wait, I do.

"Hello there, Angry Sun!" said Mario to our enemy.

"What do you want?! Can't you see I'm busy being a crybaby?!" he said. (Well, maybe not in quite so many words.) After he told us that he was upset because he couldn't beat us, I was about to beat HIM, when Mario actually began encouraging the Angry Sun to beat us. And just when I thought he couldn't get more stupid... "Ah, thanks for your support!" And
with that, it began attacking us. Luckily, I smacked him on the head with an anvil the Plane threw at me. After that, we carried the Angry Sun back (don't ask me how we were holding the SUN...) Then, suddenly Rob-omb exploded on me again. (Luigi: 13 HP) Then, I saw the Plane holding a blowtorch and snickering. "WHY IS IT ALWAYS ME?!" I

Back in the fields, our beanstalk still wouldn't grow. When I asked it why it wouldn't grow, it backsassed me, so I threatened to prune it, and it finally grew. As we climbed up the beanstalk, I heard Rob-omb bawling
like a baby the whole way up. That aside, when we arrived at the top, we finally set eyes on the Ozone Fortress. What a dump! How does that thing even stay up?! We went inside, and although there were no traps or enemies of any kind, it was a loooong way up. When we finally reached the top, Mario began gazing out, saying he could see our houses from
here. Then, suddenly our foe appeared.

"Ah! It's the great Mario! And a guy with a mustache!" said the Koopa Captain. Apparently he didn't realize that we both had mustaches.

"We're here to stop you!" called my best friend Shif T. We (as in Mario) agreed that the best way to beat him was to send the Plane and Bootler up because they can fly. While I thought it was actually one of Mario's
better ideas, I wasn't going to just sit around and twiddle my thumbs...

Before the battle started, I Super Jumped onto the airship. As I was sneaking along the corridors, I decided that the best way to stop this thing was to knock out its engines. As I approached the engine room, I saw Rob-omb talking to a weird, blue-shelled Koopa Troopa.
He then opened a panel and cut a pink wire, and the ship exploded, flinging me into the distance. "WHY IS IT ALWAYS MEEEEE?!"

Finally, as I slowly trudged back to the group, I began reminiscing on all the times something like this would happen. Then, out of the blue, I
saw the Plane speeding away from the castle and off into the distance...

(Luigi's narrative ends)

Luigi: Well, that's my view on things.

Shif T: Really? I'm sorry, but it sounds like we were on separate quests or something. I remember it quite differently...

Read on!

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