The Kamek of the Opera - Editor's Cut Edition!

By Celestial

Little Lemmy's Land Qualifier

Note: According to the author, in the singing parts of this play, you can follow along to the music in the real Phantom of the Opera. So, try singing along and see what happens. But I won't be responsible if all your mirrors break : )


Princess Celestial Galaxy: Christine

Kamek: The Phantom

Princess Toadstool: Meg

Mario: Raoul

Wendy: The Diva

Ludwig: Owner of the Opera

Lemmy: Director of the Opera

Larry: The Detective

Morton: Drunken Stage Repairman

Act 1 -  "Singing lessons"

It's a beautiful day in the Mushroom Kingdom, and a new Opera house is being built, courtesy of Ludwig von Koopa, who thought it would be a good idea to have some cultural arts and theatre in the kingdom. All goes well for a good two years, until one day an incident occured...

Lemmy Koopa: SCRREEEAAACCHHH! What's happening?! My Diva!

The audience sees Susan Koopa in a coma on the stage.

<Editor's Cut: Lemmy pays Susan the small amount of money that she is owed, then kicks her out into the street.>

Lemmy: Hmm... Oh well, she wasn't so great after all. But what happened? I bet it's that stupid new repairman! How much is he being paid? Where is Ludwig? I'm going to demand he be fired! He should have fixed that sandbag weeks ago!

Lemmy storms off to find Ludwig, and trips on a stage backdrop.

Lemmy: And... Who moved this?!

Meanwhile, at Koopa's Castle, far away from the Opera house...

Ludwig: Father, I would like some more money for my Opera house. Up my allowance!

King Koopa: Son, if I up your allowance, I'm going to have to dock somebody elses pay and I already docked Lakitu's and Kamek's. And I don't think they're taking it too well...

<Editor's Cut: Lakitu is throwing Spiny shells at the castle.>

Ludwig: But faaaattthhhherrrr! I'm your own son! And don't you want the Mushroom World to have a love of theatre? How can you deprive a person of the love of the arts?!

King Koopa: <sigh> Allrriigghhttt... I'll start making the Magikoopas all get a dollar less in there pay. That should be more than enough to-

Kamek appears.

Kamek: Your leige... I already sacrificed my pay so that you wouldn't take from my students. To do this would be most outrageous! They would slack off! They wouldn't even care about their studies, because they would feel unneeded with such low pay.

King Koopa: Kamek, I've known you as a wise counciler for many years... Perhaps you are right.

Ludwig: You'll listen to him over your own son? What does he know?! After all, he has no appreciation of the arts! All he does is analyze things, and calculate stuff! Why, he doesn't understand REAL genious such as mine!

King Koopa: Alright, alright, Kamek, he's right. There's absoloutly no sense of the arts in this world. We have to change that. Perhaps if you'd get your nose out of those books and perhaps help with the Opera house a bit, you could get the skinny on the Mario's and earn the money right back working as say, oh, a director!

Kamek: WHAT?! Are you crazy? I don't have time for a second job!

KIng Koopa: Are you questioning my orders, Kamek?

Kamek: Your excellency! I'm merely trying to let you see a point that's actually somewhat logical!

King Koopa: Kamek, I think you'll have time for a second job soon. Because you're going on a temporary leave of absence. You need to loosen up.

Kamek: Are you saying I'm fired?!

King Koopa: No, you're on probation until you can learn to respect my sons wishes to bring about a finer society, One that will realize that we are much more intelligent and sophisticated than the Marios. Besides, the plays are making us a lot of extra Koopa coins!

Kamek seethes until he turns bright red, then he grabs his magic broomstick and turns to Ludwig.

Kamek: Mark my words, boy! You will regret this!

With those words, Kamek disappears and leaves Ludwig and Bowser alone.

Ludwig: And people say I'M insane!

Meanwhile, at the Opera house...

Princess Peach of the Mushroom Kingdom, and her cousin, Princess Celeste, both decide to go to the Opera house for Opera lessons. As they reach the theatre, they see Lemmy running about madly trying to fix all the terrible mishaps that have been going on lately.

Lemmy: I just don't understand! Everything was going so well, until just the other week! Hey! Stupid!

Morton: Yesss sir? Sir? How's it going? How are you doing? What can I do for you? How can I help you? Is everything as you wish? Any problems? Hmmm?

Lemmy: PRoBleMs?! PROBLEMS! Everything is messed up! You didn't fix that loose sandbag, you knocked over some stage backdrops, and you didn't even fix that loose trap door! How are we supposed to do the scene where-

Morton: I did? I did? I mean I didn't? Well, I was so sure I had! Hmm... Perhaps I didn't. Well, I'm terribly sorry if I didn't. I'll have it fixed right away. But I was wondering If you had a bit to drink on you? Just a little something? Perhaps a bit of Vodka? Or a snip of Gin and ale?

Lemmy: NO! NO! NO! You cannot DRINK on the job! And you are under age! What is wrong with you?! Why did Ludwig hire you in the first place?

Morton: Well, 'cause he wanted to dock my allowance for the Opera, see, and well, King Dad, Mr. Big Guy himself, Koopa Boss Man, Dadarrrooonni, he said that he could only do that if he got me work here at the Opera, the play, the theatre, the building we are now in-

Lemmy: SHUT UP! Alright, alright, I get it! Just shut-

Princess Celeste: Excuse me.

Lemmy turns around in mid-sentence and gawks.

Lemmy: Princess Toadstool? I mean Peach? Peaches? What're you doing here?

Princess Peach- Well, Lemmy, I came here in hopes for some singing lessons. Well, it was my cousin's idea. She loves to sing, and well, I just thought it be great if we went together! tee hee ^.^

Lemmy: Ohh so you're here for the singing lessons? Well, that will be 1,000 Koopa coins up front.

Peach mutters about the outrageous cost and forks over the coins.

Peach: Here you are, Lemmy. Well, these better be good lessons.

Lemmy: Alright. You two, get onstage. I want you to meet our newest Diva.The other one had an... unfortante accident.

Wendy walks out on the stage where the two girls are standing and winks to the audience. Peach's eyes widen.

Peach: SHE is going to teach US to sing?

<Editor's Cut: Wendy is being given lessons herself!>

Lemmy: Well, she's actually quite good. To be able to whine at such a high pitch takes a lot of vocals! Ready? Lesson one!

Wendy: Sing this after me: Me me mememememememememe!

Peach: Me mememememememe!

Celeste: Memememememee <coff> Oh shoot!

Wendy: Come on girl! This is an easy tune to do!

Celeste- I'm sorry, I just can't seem to get my voice to go high.

Wendy: You need to learn to use your diaphragm. Sing with me: Memememememmeemememememeee!

Celeste: (takes a breath) Meeemmmeeemeeemmeeeeeeeeeekk <coff>

Lemmy and Peach cover there ears as Celeste goes off key. Celeste stomps her foot and, with tears welling up in her eyes, walks off to the girl's changing room.

Celeste: Why did I come here? I'm so bad at singing! I'll never be good enought to be a Diva!

Celeste enters the room and sits at the table, facing the mirror.

Celeste: Look at me! I want so bad to be in a musical, and I'm pretty enough. but I can't sing! And... and... I'm probably a bad actor too!

Voice: I can teach you to sing.

Celeste: What? Who's there?

Voice: Oh, don't try to look for me. You won't find me unless I will you too, and I wish for you not to see me as of yet. I wouldn't want to scare you, angel..

Celeste: Tee hee! Angel? ^_^ Me?

Voice: Close your eyes, and let the music flow from within your soul. Use the magic that is in you.

Celeste: What? I don't understand.

Voice: JUST DO IT!

<Editor's Cut: Lemmy is seen off screen collecting money from Nike.)

Celeste- Eeek! Ok! Umm... Me me me-

Voice: OH PLEASE! Not that! Sing what's in your soul, my dear. Sing with me.

*Sung to Angel of Music*

Voice: You are my angel...

Celeste: Where in the world could you be hiding? You seem so perfect, I only wish I knew your secret, who's this new tutor? Why do you call me 'angel'? I so wish you'd appear... Now as I sing I can sense you, and I know you're here. Here in this room he calls me softly, somewhere inside, Hiding... (peeks around the room) Somehow I know you'll always be with me, seemingly unseen genious...

Peach and Lemmy hear Celeste singing from the dressing room and Peach goes to investigate while Lemmy listens from the door.

<Editor's Cut: LOL! Like Lemmy would be righteous enough to wait outside! Ooh... <coff> Excuse me...>

Peach: Celeste?

Celeste: Cousin! The most amazing thing happened! I heard him, some sort of angel, and he called me an angel! And he told me to sing... and I can sing!

Peach: Celeste? (singing) Cousin, you must have been dreaming, stories like this can't come true. Celeste, you're talking in riddles, and it's not like you!

Celeste: Angel of music, guide and guardian, grant to me your glory! Angel of music, hide no longer, secret and strange angel! He's with me here right now!

Peach: Your hands are cold.

Celeste: It's all around.

Peach: Your face, Celeste, it's white, it frightens me.

Celeste: (shivering) Be frightened...

Celeste faints promptly as Wendy enters and screams for help.

<Editor's Cut: Lemmy to the rescue!>

Act 2 - " Something's a foot at the Opera"

A week later, Celeste and Peach return for their music lessons. At the same time, it is only three days until the next performance by the Diva Wendy, who will be performing for the King of Nimbus Land!

Lemmy: Ah! I see you came back, even after your little psychotic episode! ^_^

Celeste: (Angrily) It was NOT a psychotic episode! I swear to you that there was a man, and he was singing to me, and he taught me to sing.

Lemmy: Riiiggghhhht... Ok, anyways, today's lesson is going to be short, because we have a practice performance tonight. HEY SIS! I mean Wendy!

Wendy: What?! Can't you see I'm practicing? Hmph! I don't have time to teach them today.

Lemmy: But hey already paid in advance! You HAVE to!

Wendy: FINE! Whatever!

Wendy walks up to Peach and Celeste.

Wendy: Sing after me: Do re mi fa so la ti DO!

Peach: Do re mi so la fa- I mean...

Celeste: Do re mi fa so la ti dooooo! Hee hee! I got it! ^_^  It must be because he's here...

Wendy: Wow, that's great! You can sing! Well, now you don't need my teaching. Thanks for attenting my class! See ya!

Peach: But what about me?!

Wendy walks off to rehearse, leaving the two alone.

Peach: Grr... I'm gonna go see Bowser about a refund! This is an outrage!

Celeste: I'm going to watch Wendy. Maybe I can learn some things.

Celeste watches as Lemmy frantically puts the sets together and demands the lighting be put on Wendy's good side, while the lighting director insists that Wendy has NO good side.

<Editor's Cut: She's basically round, so she has no sides!>

Wendy: Prrreeee Madddoonnnnaaaa!

Wendy begins singing Prima Donna from The Phantom of the Opera soundtrack, when suddenly she is almost hit by a falling light from the rafters. Wendy faints.

Lemmy: Again?! What?! That's the second Diva in a row that was almost killed! This CAN'T be just a coincidence!

Voice: Listen, and listen well, residents of this theatre. Princess Celeste will sing in the next performance,  or I will not be held responsible for the deaths in this theatre.

Lemmy: What?! Who?

Celeste: It's him! That phantom!! I told you...

Lemmy: (staring at Celeste) It seems he favors you for some reason... This Phantom of Ludwig's Opera... LUDWIG!

Ludwig runs in, hearing the noise, and is distraught to see the scene that is the theatre stage.

Ludwig: What is going on here?

Lemmy: A phantom! He demanded that this novice girl be put in the next show, and he tried to kill the Prima Donna!

Ludwig: I will have no such thing, Phantom! Do you hear me?! Everything will go just as planned, and if we are to find you, you will be taken care of by the Koopa Clan! What do you have to say to that?

Voice: Very well, gentlemen. If it is to be war between us, if these demands are not met, a disaster beyond your imagination WILL occur!

Act 3 - "Pri Madonna Wendy Fried!"

The scene changes to the theatre director, Lemmy, and the owner of the Opera house, Ludwig, in the  corriders. They have been discussing the Phantom's threat.

Lemmy: Well, what do we do?

Ludwig: I won't have some amatuer girl taking the place of our Pri Madonna because of some idle threat!

Lemmy: But we'll be putting her in danger, and the other day-

Ludwig: Has anyone actually SEEN this ridiculous Phantom?!

Lemmy: Well, no but-

Ludwig: Then It's probably just some stupid hoax! Bring the Diva here. The show WILL go on, and with Wendy singing!

Lemmy and Ludwig walk by a large mirror. It looks normal at first, but, unknown to them, a shadowy figure could just barely have been seen at a second glance.

<Editor's Cut: The figure behind the mirrow leaves, but is caught doing so on camera.>

Lemmy: But Ludwig, just to be on the safe side, I was thinking that Princess Celeste isn't a bad sing-

Lemmy pauses, hearing a strange tapping noise.

Lemmy: Did you hear that?

Ludwig: No. What we're you saying?

Tap tap tap!

Lemmy: (looking around nervously) Look, I REALLY think we should-

Ludwig: Lemmy! Grow up! There's no such thing as phantoms! Except maybe the Boos...

As Ludwig yells this to Lemmy, he feels a tap on his shoulder. He turns around to see who it is, but sees no one, then feels a tap on his shoulder from the other direction. He turns around nose to nose with Lemmy.

Ludwig: Now see here Lemmy! I don't know how you are doing this, but it must stop at once!

Lemmy: What?! I'll stop nothing! I'm not doing anything!

As the two are arguing, Wendy, steamed, enters.

Wendy: How dare I get treated like this! I'm quitting! First I'm forced to teach those peasents to sing, then your lousy repairman almost killed me, and then you people made up threats so you could get Princess Celeste to sing instead of me!

Ludwig: Oh no no no no! (elbowing Lemmy) *whispering* shhuttup! *aloud* Wendy, your public needs you! We need you too...

Wendy: Wouldn't you not rather have your precious amatuer?!

<Editor's Cut: Ludwig is noticably squinting at cue cards off screen.>

Lemmy and Ludwig: Seniora, no! The world wants you! *singing* Pri Madonna, first lady on the stage, your develities are on there knees to implore you!

Lemmy: Can you bow out when they're shouting your name?

Ludwig: Think of how they alllll adore you!

Lemmy and Ludwig: Pri Madonna, enchant us once again, think of the muse, and the cues from the theatre! Can you deny us the triumph in store? Sing, Pri Madonna, once more!

Lemmy: (sadly) Celeste spoke of an angel...

Wendy: Pri Madonna, that's right! I'm so wonderful, and graceful and lovely and-

Ludwig: Think of your public!

Wendy: Yes, I will!

Lemmy: (looking at Wendy, skeptically) Is she the angel of music?

Ludwig: She has the voice of an angel!

Wendy: I'll be the Pri Madonna you wish me to be!

Ludwig: Help us with this concert!

Wendy: I feel the voice of the nightingale upon me...

Lemmy and Ludwig: Can you believe we almost picked a chorus girl over such a voice of grandeur?

Wendy: I'm your Pri Madonna!

Lemmy and Ludwig: Yes, sing for us, Pri Madonna,

All Three: ONCE MORE!

The three, consumed in there own grand performance, raise their arms up to the non-existant crowd. As they all realize where they are, they look around, embarassed, and put their arms down.

Lemmy: Woah! I almost forgot I wasn't onstage! Ha ha! I think I need a rest or a break or something. I'm going to practice the dancing ball act for our performance tommorrow! Ta-ta!

Ludwig: And I must prepare the orchestra! Good day to both of you.

Wendy: I'll see you on stage tommorrow, boys! Bye bye!

The three leave happily, thinking all would go exactly as according to plan.

<Editor's Cut: Bright and cheery music... something will have to go wrong!>

The next day...

It is the day of the concert, and everything is looking well prepared and splendorous. Princess Peach and Celeste go to see the show, along with just about anyone and everyone from the Mushroom Kingdom. Up in the balcony, Mario and Luigi sit with the King of Nimbus Land, making sure he is out of harms way. The concert begins, and Wendy enters the stage in a gawky pink dress with white polka dots.

Bowser (from the audience): KNOCK 'EM DEAD SWEETIE!!

Audience: Shhhh!

Wendy: Think of me! Think of me fondly! When we say good bye-

Voice: Goodbye...

There is a sudden power outage in the theatrem and everything goes pitch black. When the lights are turned back on, the stage is empty!

Ludwig: AHH! My Opera! OH NO!

Ludwig runs on to the stage and up to the microphone.

Ludwig: Ah hem... <coff coff> Ladies and Goombas, if you'll just wait a moment, the Diva will be right with you!

Ludwig watches nervously as the crowd grows restless.

Lemmy: SHE'S GONE! Completly gone!

<Editor's Cut: Wendy can be seen now sitting in the audience. Susan is there too.>

Lemmy runs on to the stage to Ludwig.

Lemmy: We searched everywhere, bro...

Ludwig, panicking, starts pulling at his hair and biting on the show curtain. Lemmy quickly decides what to do and turns to the microphone.

Lemmy: Um... We'd like to introduce our replacement singer, Princess Celeste!

Celeste looks up in shock, then she looks over to Princess Peach, and then back to Lemmy.

Celeste: WHAT?!

Lemmy: Come on! Yes you, Celeste! Let's go!

Celeste nervously walks up to the stage, and, seeing the large audience, becomes rather pale.

Celeste: Th- Think of me!

Nervously she averts her eyes from the audience and looks up towards the ceiling at the balcony. There she sees Mario and Luigi with the King.

Celeste: Think of me fondly!

Celeste sees Mario smiling at her and gving her a thumbs up, and she becomes more confident.

Celeste: When we've said good-bye... Remember me, once and a while, please promise me you'll try! When you find that once again you long to take your heart back, and be free, if you ever find a moment, spare a thought for me! We never said our love was evergreen or as changing as the sea, but if you can still remember, stop and think of me! Think of all the things we might have shared and seen! Don't think about the things that might have been! Think of me, think of me waking silent and resigned, imagine me, trying to hard to put you from my mind! Recall those days, think back on all those times, think of the things we'll never do, and there will never be a day when I don't think of YOU!

Celeste hears applause and smiles brightly.

Mario: Can it be?! Can it be, Princess? What a change, you're really not a bit the gawkish girl that once you were! She may not remember me, but I remember her.

<Editor's Cut: There is a tape recorder running... since Mario can't sing for his life.>

Celeste: We may never say that our love is evergreen or as changing as the sea, but if you can spare a moment, stop and think of me!

As Celeste hits this last note, she feels a bit faint and falls, being showered in roses from the audience. @>\----  (picture of a rose) The King of Nimbus Land claps enthusiastically, and Mario is leaning over the
balcony while clapping and whistling. Once again, though, the power goes out and as the lights return, Princess Celeste is missing...

Act 4 - "The Kamek of the Opera"

Celeste awakens in a strange cave decorated similarly to a castle. There is a large organ on one side of the room and a table filled with papers and documents. A case of different magical wands is nailed to the wall, and there is a deep blue rug with star patterns sown in to it.

<Editor's Cut: All the cardboard furniture falls over.>

Celeste: Wh... Where am I?

Voice: You're in my home... for now. I wanted to congragulate you on your magnificent performance.

Celeste: Why thank you! Um, I'm not sure why you've chosen me to sing though. Are you really a phantom?

Voice: I will show you my true identity, my dear, if you promise not to speak a word to anyone else.

Celeste: Yes, yes! Let me see you!

Voice: Very well then, but you must promise not to be appalled by me.

Celeste: I wouldn't. Certainly not! Do you think that you are appalling? Because it's what's inside the soul that counts.

Kamek appears in a black wizard's robe and hat with a long black cape attached at the shoulders. Covering his eyes in place of his usual mirror-shield glasses is a masquerade mask.

Kamek: No. I just don't know if you'll like me. Most girls don't like shorter guys.

Celeste: You- You're a turtle?! And only four feet tall?!

Kamek: NO! I am a Magikoopa! >:| I am a scholar, a teacher, a tutor, a philosopher, a mentor, a singer, an actor, and a composer! I AM MANY THINGS!

Celeste: You must be a genious!

<Editor's Cut: Kamek: No, duh!>

Kamek: As usual, my dear, your words are too kind.

Celeste: Can I ask your name?

Kamek: Mine is Kamek, and yours is Celeste, correct?

Celeste: You... You've been watching me?

Kamek: I am your angel of music, I must. And I find you the highlight of my recently dull days.

Celeste: What do you mean? You seem sad...

Kamek: Oh, not anymore. Now that I've found you... I think I know what they meant by appreciating the fine arts.

Celeste: Oh, you're such a sweet little guy!

Kamek: If only you could see me as more than a little turtle. <sigh>

Celeste: Hm?

Kamek: But wait, I can!

Kamek uses his magic wand to turn himself into a human version of himself. He holds out his hand to Celeste.

Kamek: Promise to never leave the confines of this Opera house, and to stay as my pupil, and I will make sure you are a famous singer, just as you've always wanted! You saw today, did you not? I can teach you more.

Celeste: I... I...

Unsure of what to say, Celeste remembers seeing her old childhood friend Mario, and falters.

Celeste: Uhmm... I don't think... I think I've had my 15 minutes of fame. If you would show me to the door?

Kamek frowns and turns his back on Celeste.

Kame: Y- You HAVE to stay! GRR! You have no choice!

Celeste: Then I am to be your prisoner?

Kamek: Well, Bowser does it all the time, so why can't I?

Kamek seethes, than looks over at Celeste.

Kamek: No... I - I can't make you my prisoner. I couldn't stand to see you so unhappy. I'll take you back.

Celeste looks over to Kamek.

Celeste: You are so kind. How can the others fear you? To me, you are still my angel.

Kamek: I am your angel? Come to me, angel of music!

Kamek takes Celeste's hand and twirls her into his arms.

Celeste: (somewhat afraid and now singing) In sleep you sing to me, in dreams you came, that voice which calls to me, and speaks my name! And do I dream again? For now I find, the Kamek of the Opera is here, inside my mind!

Kamek: Sing once again with me, a strange duet, my power over you, grows stronger yet!

Kamek, while singing this, pulls out his magic wand and sprinkles it on Celeste with a charm spell.

And though you turn from me to glance behind, The Kamek of the Opera is here, Inside your mind!

The music plays and Celeste dances with Kamek, hypnotically.

Celeste: Those who have seen your face draw back in fear, I am the mask you wear!

Kamek: It's me they hear!

Both: Our spirit and our voice in one combined, the Kamek of the Opera is there, inside our mind!

Kamek: In all your fantasies, you always knew, that Magikoopa and mystery!

Celeste: We're both in you!

Both: And in this labyrinth where night is light, the Kamek of the Opera is there!

Celeste: Inside my mind! He's here, the Kamek of the Opera! Aaaaaahhhaaaaaaaahhhhaaaahhh!

Kamek: (casting spell upon Celeste) Sing!

Celeste: Aaaaaaahhhhhhhh!

Kamek: Sing for me!


Kamek: Sing, my angel of music!




At the last note, sung very high, the glass case holding the wands breaks and the room falls silent once again. In shock Celeste simply looks over to Kamek and nods.

Celeste: Yes. I will stay here with you, teacher.

The sauve human-looking Kamek grins and blushes a bit. Noticing his polymorph spell is almost over though, he quickly blindfolds Celeste.

Kamek: Come, we must return, or else those two fools who run my theatre will be missing you!

Kamek carries Celeste back and slides open the dressing room mirror, unbeknownst to her, and sets her down on the cushioned chair.

Kamek: I'm sorry, my dear, but I cannot reveal my lair's whereabouts. When I need you I will come for you. Good day to you!

<Editor's Cut: Kamek leaves and forgets to close the mirror.>

Kamek vanishes and Celeste, confused, yanks off her blindfold.

Celeste: Wait! Kamek! I mean, Phantom!

Celeste looks about the dressing room.

Celeste: How did I end up here?

The suspense continues! Go to the second page.

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