Roy: ("greeting" guests) Watch your step, gimme your wallet, thanks, hi, watch your step, gimme your watch, you're very kind, hello, watch your- Oh! Welcome to Roy's Sports Hall! This is it, the moment we've all been waiting for or else I'll pound you, it's finally time for the Season Two Finale! So if you came to root for your favorite fighter, see plenty of physical abuse, and be made to hand over all your assets, you've come to the wrong place! Hahaha! Because the fighters aren't here!

Camera pans to the ring in the center of the stadium, which is completely empty. Well, almost: Zeus Guy is still lying unconscious from the last Season Two battle.

Roy: I have sent the fighters to a secret, far away place so that no one will break in and interfere. And in case you were thinking it's on top of Bowser's castle again...

Half the audience, having just stood up, sit down again.

Roy: ... it's not, even if it is in that picture at the top of the page.

Kamek: What page?

Roy: I have no idea. Anyway, the battle is on a big cloud high in the sky. I won't say where it is, but I'll say this: that cloud is way up there. I sure wouldn't want to be the fighter that falls off that thing! But I digress. In a moment we will check in with Lakitu, who will be serving as announcer tonight, but first-

Kamek: I want to be the announcer!

Roy: Lakitu can fly.

Kamek: I can too...

Roy: Yeah, but he won't shoot stuff at the fighter he doesn't like.

Kamek: I wouldn't do that! ... Well, ok, maybe I would...

Roy: Of course you would. Anyway, before we get to the battle, it's time to get to a new feature: Roy's Idiot of the Week! (I came up with this all on my own, pretty clever, huh?) This insult serves as punishment for a tourist that has just been really stupid lately. I sure would hate to see my name here! So, the very first Idiot of the Week is... anyone who complains that this battle isn't in comic form! Do you have any idea how long comic battles take to put together? I could beat up Larry like a billion times by the time I finish a battle comic. But hey, if you want to be posted on the list of idiots and lose some Koopaling votes and probably even get banned from Lemmy's Land, just send me a little complaint, ok? Come on, I dare ya! I'm talking to you! Yeah, you! You heard me! Why don't you-

Kamek: Roy?

Roy: Talking back, eh? How about I rearrange your-

Kamek: Roy!

Roy: What?! ... Oh, uh... Let's... go to Larry for his prediction.

Larry: Well finally! This has been a long intro to the battle, you know.

Roy: Yeah? Well, you're not helping to make it shorter, Punch-Face.

Larry: Hey! If you're going to give me a mean name, at least stick to just one. Anyway, obviously I'm looking for Baby Bowser to win. I mean, how's a little Blooper supposed to beat the King of the Koopas, baby or otherwise? Plus, Bowser will probably kill me if I don't...

Roy: Kill, huh? That's interesting, because if your guess turns out to be wrong, I've been authorized to kill you.

Larry: W-what?! By who?!

Roy: The whole Koopa family voted on it last night.

Larry: I didn't hear anything about this vote...

Roy: Yeah, the funny thing is, I kind of forgot to tell anyone, so only one person voted.

Larry: Who?

Roy: Me! Enjoy the battle while you can, because if Blooper wins it will be your last.

Larry: Wait! Um, uh, won't you miss beating me up when I'm dead?

Roy: Eh, I've still got Iggy, don't I? And Morton, can't forget him. ANYWAY, without further interruptions, let's go to Lakitu and Pidget at- Oh! That's right, I forgot to mention Pidget. He's serving administrative duties here at the Sports Hall for his first time so that he can catch whichever fighter falls off the cloud.

Kamek: I wanted to do that!

Roy: ...

Kamek: Oh, that's right, I wanted to kill someone. But what do you care if a fighter falls to their death?

Roy: I plan to subject the loser to embarrassing interviews and plenty of physical abuse... well, if it's Blooper, anyway. If it's Baby Bowser, things could get a bit messy if he kicked the bucket early, you see.

Kamek: That's right, because if Baby Bowser doesn't grow up then you won't be born... except that if you're not born then you wouldn't be holding this battle and he wouldn't die, which means he would grow up to have kids and you'd be born and you'd hold this battle and he'd die, but... uh... can you run that past me again?

Roy: Maybe it would be best if Baby Bowser won after all... OH WELL! Let's bring in Lakitu and get this battle started!

A huge projector is lowered into the the middle of the ring. It's a cube with a screen on each side so everyone in the arena can easily see. Roy uses a remote control to turn it on so that we can see... static.

Roy: Of course, you can't hold any kind of event without some sort of technical difficulty. One moment, or else.

Roy fiddles with his remote in vain, then finally smashes it in anger. Ironically, this somehow fixes the reception. We can now see a white cloud on which Baby Bowser is standing. Blooper is laying down on the fluffy surface while Lakitu and Pidget fly overhead.

Roy: Alright Lakitu, let's get this thing started!

Lakitu: Hi everyone! We're almost ready to start the battle, but first let me introduce the fighters!

Pidget: Hi!

Lakitu: Oh, and Pidget too.

Pidget: I'm so excited to be working here! I won't let you down, Roy!

Roy: Make sure that you don't!

Pidget: Oh, I won't! I've been practicing flying all day so that I can go really fast down and down in order to catch whichever fighter, be it Blooper or Baby Bowser, that may fall off this incredibly high cloud towards their death, which would be a really bad thing especially if it's Baby Bowser like Kamek said because then you wouldn't exist but then he would so you would so he wouldn't and you wouldn't and he would and-

Roy: You're not Morton in disguise by any chance, are you?

Pidget: No, I'm just really really really really excited to be here working for you, Roy, for my first time, you know, this is like my debut, I'm famous now, but I hope I don't mess up or I'll become infamous instead which would really move my life into a downspin which I don't want so hopefully that won't happen but if it does-

Roy: Argh! Lakitu, introduce the fighters, and Pidget, no more talking.

Pidget: But-

Roy: Ever.

Pidget: Aww...

Lakitu: Ok... so, um, sorta immobile on my right, he's the first Super Champion even though he made many mistakes and had to win a Round Two battle, it's Blooper!

Blooper: I'm ready to go, but where's Baby Bowser?

Baby Bowser: I'm right here! You're just looking the wrong way!

Blooper: Oh yeah... I guess I messed up, huh?

Baby Bowser: You can say that again.

Blooper: I guessed you miss down, duh? ... Oh, I goofed again...

Baby Bowser: Haha! You're funny!

Lakitu: Indeed. But on my left we have the future Koopa King himself, he's bad, he's strong, he's kind of cuddly-

Baby Bowser: Hey!

Lakitu: Sorry. It's Baby Bowser!

Blooper: That's right, and I'm ready to kill that stupid Blooper!

Baby Bowser: ... That was my line, you stupid Blooper!

Blooper: Oh, really? I guess I made another booboo, huh?

Baby Bowser: I'll say...

Lakitu: Now now, no fighting you guys... at least not until I say the word, anyway.

Baby Bowser: So say it already!

Blooper: Yeah, what she said!

Baby Bowser: He!

Blooper: Me?

Baby Bowser: HE!

Blooper: What's so funny?

Baby Bowser: Grr... let's just start this thing.

Lakitu: Alright, we'll start this fight... n- no, not yet. Maybe n- no, no... Or how about-

Roy: FIGHT!!!

Blooper: Tentacle Wiggle!

Lakitu: And Blooper starts off the fight by wiggling about in a silly manner!

Baby Bowser: Huh?

Blooper: Well, I can't really move, seeing as there's no water here...

Baby Bowser: This battle just got easier. Super Slash!

Blooper: Counter Slap!

Lakitu: Baby Bowser runs up the Blooper and gives him a nasty scratch, but Blooper slapped him while he was pulling away!

Baby Bowser: Ouch! Bomb's Away!

Blooper: Grab 'n Toss!

Boom!

Baby Bowser: Yow!

Lakitu: Wow! Baby Bowser threw a small Bob-omb at Blooper, but Blooper batted it away and it blew up where it started!

Blooper: Ink Blast! Sploo!

Splat!

Baby Bowser: I can't see!

Lakitu: Blooper has covered his opponent's face in a thick black goo. This battle may turn out to be interesting after all!

Blooper: Now who's the stupid one?

Baby Bowser: Still you. Flame Breath!

Blooper: Missed me, missed me, now you have to... uh, get me a donut? I like do- YAGH!!!

Lakitu: Ooh, that had to hurt! After literally firing in random directions, Baby Bowser finally found Blooper and caused major damage! Hey, aren't water-based minions supposed to be resistant to fire attacks?

Baby Bowser: I guess he messed that up too.

Blooper: I'm a song from the 60s...

Baby Bowser: There we go!

Lakitu: Ah! Baby Bowser has cleared the goo from his eyes so he can see again! And Blooper is looking even worse than usual.

Blooper: I was raised by a cup of coffee...

Baby Bowser: Time to finish this. Seismic Slam!

Blooper: Noo...

Baby Bowser: HA...

Lakitu: Here comes Baby Bowser's powerful ground pound, and- Oh my gosh! Baby Bowser cut through the cloud and both fighters are falling to the ground as I speak!

Pidget: I'll get them!

Roy: I thought I said no talking!

Pidget: Whoops, sorry!

Lakitu: Pidget will now attempt to rescue Baby Bowser and Blooper. In the meantime, all we can do is sit and pray. Well, actually I think I'll read this comic book. Hm, let's see... haha, that Luigi's a riot! Putting a TV on his head... hey, wait a minute, that might be a good idea after all... hm...

Pidget: I'm back!

Lakitu: Ack!

Pidget: But I could only get Baby Bowser... I wasn't expecting to have to save two, so...

Lakitu: Wait, but then that means... Blooper... he's dead...

Pidget: I know...

Lakitu: This is so sad...

Baby Bowser: Ah put a sock in it! The important thing is I won, so now you can give me my crown and-

???: Hi!

Lakitu: Huh?

Pidget: What?

Baby Bowser: Aww nuts.

???: It's-a me, Mario!

Lakitu: Huh?

Pidget: What?

Baby Bowser: You stupid Blooper!

Mario???: Oh, wait, I goofed up again. It's-a me, Blooper!

Baby Bowser: But how did you survive?

Blooper: Well, just as I was about to smash to bits on the jagged rocks down below, I suddenly remembered that I could fly. Who knew?

Baby Bowser: Roy, probably. But it doesn't matter whether you can fly, I'll still beat you.

Lakitu: Just a minute. Now, if you hadn't received help from Pidget, you'd surely be unconscious now, Baby Bowser. Don't you agree?

Baby Bowser: Yeah, so?

Lakitu: And Blooper saved himself, so he's earned his consciousness.

Blooper: That's right, I earned my consamagoo!

Lakitu: And if Baby Bowser were unconscious, even Blooper would be able to beat him up easily. And so, I proclaim Blooper the winner!

Baby Bowser: WAH!!!

Larry: NOO!!!

Blooper: WHAT?! ... Oh, wait, being the winner is a good thing... I think.

Baby Bowser: You'll pay for this! When I grow up, you'll wish I hadn't!

Lakitu: Eh, I'm about to retire anyway.

Baby Bowser: Grr... take this!

Lakitu: Baby Bowser lunges at me but I nimbly dodge and he falls off the cloud again.

Pidget: I'll get him!

Lakitu: No, let him be.

Pidget: Won't he die?

Lakitu: Nah, Koopas are awfully resilient.

Pidget: Oh, ok... I guess...

Lakitu: So there you have it! Blooper is Roy's Fighting Crown Winner for Season Two. Honestly, I'd have never guessed it at the start of the season... truly amazing. Hopefully I'll see you again for the next season finale, if not sooner. Roy, back to you!

...

Lakitu: Roy?

Kamek: I think he's in shock.

Pidget: I must have done too good a job for him...

Kamek: Well, I guess I'll have to wrap things up then. Hm... what should I do first? Oh, right, kill Larry. How forgetful of me. Now where is he?

Larry: Larry has left the building.

Kamek: Aw, well that's a shame. In that case, um... aw forget it, let's just go home. Uh, see you next season, gimme me your stuff, bye.

Suddenly, Blooper bursts through the projector and uses a tentacle to get the Fighting Crown off Roy's person. He puts it on his head.

Blooper: Now who's looking smart?

Kamek: Still you. ... Oh, wait, that didn't work.

Blooper: I made a funny!

Kamek: No, I made the funny.

Blooper: Oh. Uh, hello!

Kamek: Goodbye everyone!

[Credit goes to Kickle Cubicle for the "still you" joke.]

The winner:

The loser:

Now you have a choice:
You can go back and memorize the rest of the battles.
You can go back to the Boxing Arena, because I know you loved it so much!
Anyone who rats about the conditions here will be personally pounded by me! If you'd like a pounding, you can also go back to Lemmy's Land.