***

The Ultimate Epic Climactic Final Battle with Enviromentron, Opera, and Free Hot Dogs

Roy: Otherwise known as UECFBEOFHD.

Kamek: And since Cortez has been reduced to a pile of bones, I’m announcing again!

Roy: Good for you.

Kamek: And now, at long last, we present to you our finalists!

Roy: That’s right. In the Red Corner, we have my favorite punching bag, that extremely lucky idiot, that tennis-racketing weirdo, LARRY KOOPA!

KA–INTERVIEW!

Kamek: So, Larry, what do you think about this upcoming battle?

Larry: Well, Kamek, so far this year I’ve been shocked, frozen, thrown into a pit full of poisonous snakes, and knocked into a portal to the ghost world. I think that I can handle an idiot with a paintbrush.

Kamek: And what do you think the Enviromentron is going to choose as an arena today?

Larry: Well, I’m sure it’ll be something from SMS, but other than that, I’m not sure.

Roy: Well done. And in the Blue Corner, we have the whiny loser, the painting fiend, the one who is gonna wipe the floor with Larry, SHADOW MARIO! Also known as Bowser Jr.

KA–INTERVIEW!

Kamek: Bowser Jr, what are your chances of winning?

Bowser Jr: A squillion to one, meanieheads!

Kamek: That means that you’re going to lose.

Bowser Jr: Oh, really? Wow, I can’t keep this math stuff straight in my head.

Kamek: But really, you think that you’ll be able to defeat Larry?

Bowser Jr: Yeah! And here’s what I have to say to him!

FWOOP!

Shadow Mario: NYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

Larry: Why, that little creep!

Kamek: And it looks like they’re about to tear each other’s throats out! But let’s save the festivities for later!

Roy: That’s right. In a surprisingly brilliant move, Kamek hired General Guy to predict the winner, but Iggy insisted on presenting the info he got when he spi– observed the contestants. Iggy?

Iggy: Wait, it was LARRY versus Shadow Mario? Darn, I spied on Morton by mistake.

Roy: Oh well.

Iggy: During one of his speeches.

Roy: … I… I’m so sorry for you…

Iggy: Yeah. But what I found was that Shadow Mario has trained extremely hard for the match. Acrobatics, kung fu, art classes… You name it, he’s studied it.

Larry: *gulp*

Iggy; And yeah, Shadow Mario’s going to likely be the winner here.

Roy: Okay. General Guy, what do you think?

General Guy: Shadow Mario will win because Larry is stupid.

Roy: Wow, that’s… weird coming from you.

General Guy: HE BEAT ME! HE BEAT MEEEEEE!!! BOOHOOHOOOO!

Roy: This is getting creepy. Before Kamek starts the match, however, I would like to note that the level chosen is the shipping area from Ricco Harbor.

Kamek: Uh… Fight.

DING!

Roy: Who...

DING!

Roy: Will…

DING!

Roy: Win?

Larry: AUGH! RUN!

Shadow Mario: …

WHACK!

Larry: OOF!

Kamek: A paintbrush smack from Shadow Mario, no surprises there.

Shadow Mario: …

KICK!

Larry: YEAUGH!

Kamek: And then a twirling kick! Ouch!

Larry: Huh… huh… Bob-omb Toss!

Whoosh!

Shadow Mario: …

Tink! KABOOM!

Larry: ARGH!

Shadow Mario: !

BOOT! SPLASH!

Larry: Glrrgle…

Shadow Mario: …!

SPLATTER!

Larry: BLAGIDIBLAGIDIAGIDIAGGG!!!

Kamek: Wow, Larry’s really taking a pounding!

Larry: *gasp… gasp… gasp…*

Shadow Mario: …

SWOOSH!

Larry: Yikes!

Kamek: And here comes another spinning kick…

CATCH!

Larry: HA!

Kamek: WOAH! LARRY HAS CAUGHT SHADOW MARIO’S FOOT! It looks like he has the upper hand now…

Larry: Take this!

TWIRL! WHAM!

Shadow Mario: …

Larry: And… MIRROR RACKET!

Shadow Mario: …?

Larry: Angle… at sun… AHA!

KA–SHEEEEEEEEEEEEEN!

Shadow Mario: !!!

Kamek: Ack! I can’t see! But it looks like Larry blinded Shadow Mario with his tennis racket!

Larry: Okay… and… PUNCH!

POW!

Shadow Mario: …!!

SPLOOSH! Fizzle!

Bowser Jr: Pffft! Ugh! My disguise!

Kamek: Interesting… Bowser Jr’s disguise melted away!

Bowser Jr: Oh, you are gonna pay. Thunder Spiral!

SPLOOOOOOOT!

Larry: BLAGIDIBLAGIDIBLAGIDIAGGGG!

CATCH!

Larry: Uh oh.

Kamek: Junior has shot a tornado of electric paint at Larry, who then accidentally caught on a railing with his foot!

Bowser Jr: It’s… over! Lava Spiral!

SPLOOT!

Larry: HOT HOT AUUUGH!

Bowser Jr: LAVA SPIRAL! LAVA BLAST! LAVA–

Larry: Bob-omb Toss!

KABOOM!

Bowser Jr: YEARGH!

CRASH!

Bowser Jr: Nice try!

Clank!

Larry: Eat racket, fool.

Kamek: And it looks like an epic battle is about to take place! They’re beating each other’s brains out up on that railing!

WHACK! PAF! CLANK! WHISH!

Bowser Jr: Lava Spiral!

Larry: Not so fast!

Click! SPLURT!

Larry: Yech. Stupid pink paint.

Bowser Jr: Why you little… TAH!

BAM!

Larry: ARGH!

SPLOOSH!

Kamek: But it looks like Larry got knocked into the water.

Larry: *gasp… gasp… gasp…*

Bowser Jr: Hah! It looks like I win. One drop of electric paint and–

Larry: Not so fast, my friend.

Bowser Jr: Huh?

Larry: You know when I blinded you?

Bowser Jr: Yeah, so what?

Larry: Instead of an opportunity for a cheap punch, I used your distraction to scatter these...

Fwip!

Kamek: It looks like Larry’s pulled out some kind of remote control…

Larry: …remote-detonated Bob-ombs all over the field.

Bowser Jr: NO! NO! NO! NO!

Larry: Oh, yeah. Thanks for knocking me into the water, I appreciate it. Send me a postcard from KINGDOM COME!

Boop!

Bowser Jr: I can still take you out! ELECTRIC–

BOOM!

…

…

…

Roy: Well, there goes our deposit.

Kamek: AND LARRY WINS!

Larry: Yeah… I won… Woohoo… ugh.

Roy: And here’s ROY’S FIGHTING HALO!

BAP!

Larry: OW!

Kamek: And so ends another exciting season of Roy’s Sports Hall!

Roy: And there’s just enough time to get your Season Tickets! A thousand coins apiece, folks! Come and get ‘em!

Audience: ME! NO, ME! I WANT THAT SEASON PASS!

Roy: Ah, bliss.

Kamek: Whatever. Who should we shock?

Roy: I have a great idea…

Larry: BUT I WON– BLAGIDIAGIDIAGIDIAGGGGG! End transmission… yergh.

Now you have a choice:
You can go back and memorize the rest of the battles.
You can go back to the Boxing Arena, because I know you loved it so much!
Anyone who rats about the conditions here will be personally pounded by me! If you'd like a pounding, you can also go back to Lemmy's Land.