***

"Welcome to my Sports Hall!" Roy exclaims.  Under his breath, "Not like you had a choice..."

"You're especially upbeat for someone whom recently suffered defeat," Ludwig, the announcer, muses.

"You're especially alive for someone who just insulted me!" Roy retorts, cracking his knuckles; despite his threat, it would be a rarity even for Bully Koopa to attack his eldest brother.

"Can we just get on with it?" yells an impatient Ninji from the audience.  Because yes!  There really is an audience watching this.

"Yes, let's," agrees Ludwig, choosing to overlook Roy's threat and move on to the task at end.  "So, subsequent to last week's, shall we see, thrilling bout, we once more have a new pairing in the ring...

"In the Red Corner, entering at 6-5 and with a rank of 58, it's my midling sibling with the unstable personality, Iggy!"

This immediately elicits crazed laughter from the remodeled Koopaling.  To whit: "Wahwahwahwahwahwah... WAH!"  Still giggling, Iggy continues with, "You want some of this?  I'm right here, so let's do it!"

"Did I just admit to being a relative of his?" Ludwig asks sarcastically.  "Well, and in the Blue Corner, coming in at 5-7 amd ranked 87th, it's a guy who really needs no introduction but here I am rambling anyway, Shy Guy!"

Shy Guy opens his mouth to speak - at least I think he does, you can't really tell because his mask doesn't move - but his comments are largely drowned out by the roar of the audience.  Apparently Shy Guy is well liked by the crowd of similarly underpaid minions.

"Give back my calculator!" shouts Rowf, a friendly shopkeeper who's not really welcome in the Sports Hall but must have slipped past, or likely bribed, security.  Well ok then, so the roar is not all cheers of support.

Were you close enough to ringside, you might have heard Shy Guy say, "I'm ready to win this for the little guy!"  And less likely, you may have heard him mumble, "Not like we couldn't steal it again anyway..."

After waiting for the crowd to settle down to a reasonable volume, Ludwig continues, "And with us for yet another predictable prediction, another sibling of mine, Larry."

"You know what would be unpredictable?" Roy cuts in.  "If he actually got it right!"  The Sports Hall manager looks very pleased with himself for what he takes to be a witty burn on his youngest bro.

Said youngest bro sighs but hardly looks phased by the obvious jab.  "I'm not actually wrong all the time," Larry mutters.  "Not that it would matter anyway."

"Your first sentence was wrong, but the second, spot-on," Roy judges.

"As you say," shrugs Larry, the only one who has spoken so far who has actually won a season title.  "Anyway, I say that Iggy is a strong fighter who's run into some hard luck, while Shy Guy is a weak fighter who's actually had good luck.  But Iggy's too motivated to let anything get into his way now, so he will win this time."

"Geez!" exclaims Roy.  "We know you're wrong anyway so just say Iggy and get it over with."

"We want a fight!" chants the audience.  "We want a fight!..."

Roy shrugs.  "So, give 'em a fight, Kooky."

Ludwig obliges.  "Let's submit it to Pokey to initiate the match."

The camera focuses on the previously unseen Pokey, the walking cactus, who has been standing silently in the middle of the ring this whole time.  At the mention of his name the crowd goes dead silent, save for the protests of Rowf as he is dragged away by a Chargin' Chuck security guard.  A moment passes as Pokey apparently is determining whether everything is in order.  Finally...

Pokey:  Fight.

The battle begins!  Iggy, laughing about the maniacal plan he apparently has, charges forward, while Shy Guy hops forward.  Pokey, who has not moved from his spot in the center, calmly leans to the side to allow Iggy, the faster of the two combatants, to zoom past from behind.  Iggy is about to execute a bodyslam when Shy Guy jumps high.  "I hope you brought your helmet!" Shy Guy exclaims, though with his soft voice he is still difficult to hear over the crowd.  "Headbonk!"

It's a direct hit!  "Shy Guy strikes first!"  Ludwig describes.  "A concussive force to the cranium knocks Iggy into his shell.  Am I to suppose that this brawl has already been terminated?"

"That's not even funny!" Iggy insists from within his shell.  Taking advantage of the situation, he slides around in his shell, bouncing off the ropes and picking up speed as he does so.  Shy Guy attempts to dodge by jumping over Iggy, but this might actually have made his situation worse.

"Ouch!" exclaims Ludwig, wincing despite being quite the heavyweight himself.  "Shy Guy landed on Iggy, hurting himself on the spikes on Iggy's shell, and still was thrown to the floor.  Iggy appears to be none the worse for having been landed upon."

"Even better, I should say!"  Iggy declares.  He pops out of his shell and orients himself toward Shy Guy, who is stumbling to his feet.  "Let me know how this tastes!  Magic blast!"

Iggy shoots a magic blast conveniently the same color as his own hair at the downed red-robed guy.  It looks like Shy Guy will take the full brunt of this attack until he rolls aside at the last minute.  "Ha!  I haven't even begun to fight!" he taunts.

"I think you're right!" retorts Iggy.  Mischief can be seen in his eyes behind the lenses of his glasses.

Shy Guy stammers.  "Er..."  But he soon shakes off the awkward moment.  "I may be just a regular Shy Guy, but if one of my own can do it, I can too... probably..."  Shy Guy pulls a pair of stilts out of the air and climbs aboard, looking quite comfortable from his new perch.

"That's great!" cheers Iggy.  "All the easier for me to hit you!"  Like a gamer spamming attacks in a fighting game, Iggy nonchalantly fires another green blast from his wand.  It doesn't look like Shy Guy, from high on his slow-moving stlits, has any chance to avoid the projectile.  so of course, he does it anyway.  "Impossible!" insists Iggy.

"Not logically..." muses Ludwig.

"Maybe for you," responds Shy Guy, "but for me...  Oh yeah, and take this!"

"But I don't want to!" screeches Iggy.  "Yowch!"

"Another hit to the head!" declares Ludwig.  "This time Shy Guy launched himself into the air with his stilts and landed on Iggy's noggin'.  I'd advise that he not operate heavy machinery now..."

The battle seems to have shifted into Shy Guy's favor, but as is typical of Koopalings who have been stomped, Iggy again retreats into his shell and slides around, this being the attack that Shy Guy was unable to avoid before.  This time, however, Shy Guy is in less danger because he is still on stlits.  Iggy ends up plowing into the stilts and Shy Guy drops to the floor, but he lands on his feet and without any obvious ill-effect.  Finally Iggy emerges from his shell, giggles, and, apparently believing he just damaged his opponent, taunts, "What's wrong?  Ya too chicken?"

Shy Guy blinks.  "I think I'm winning, actually.  In fact, I hear from Spy Guy that it takes three hits to the head to defeat you.  Which means..."

"You die now!" Iggy suddenly shouts, becoming serious.  At least as serious as he gets these days, anyway.  He emits a shrill whistle, and a Chain Chomp perks up in the audience and bounds towards the ring.  But before he can enter, Pokey lets out a whistle of his own!

"Already fought this season!" Pokey rules.  "Ineligible!"

"What?!" Roy shouts.  "Where was that rule last week?!"

If Pokey hears this, he doesn't let on.  In any event, his declaration fails to prevent the focused Chain Chomp from leaping into the ring, but the metallic dog-like creature is immediately confronted by the prickly referee.  "Heal," he orders.

Pokey 0-2

VS

Chain Chomp 0-3

Chain Chomp is on the move and strikes first!
Chain Chomp lunges at Pokey!
Pokey dodges!  No damage.

Pokey falls toward Chain Chomp!
It's a hit!  1 damage to Chain Chomp.

Chain Chomp tries to take a nibble of Pokey!
It hurts itself on Pokey's spikes!  1 damage to Chain Chomp.

Pokey launches and bats one of its spikey segments toward Chain Chomp!
It lands in Chain Chomp's mouth!  Chain Chomp chokes...  One-hit KO!
Pokey wins!

"Good," says Pokey.  It looks like he would nod if he could.

Meanwhile, Iggy is looking on flabbergastedly as his pet now lies unconscious on the floor.  "My Chain Chomp!" he gasps.

"My victory!" Shy Guy announces gleefully.  Less invested in the Chain Chomp than his opponent, he has used the distraction to sneak up on Iggy and is now within striking distance.  "Acrobatic headbonk!"

"Not again!" cries Iggy.  "Wah!"  He tries to leap away but is too late; Shy Guy comes down on his head as he jumps into the air.

"And that finishes it!" Ludwig declares from the announcing table.

"Three strikes and you're out in the ol' Sports Hall~" sings Larry.

"Who has three strikes?!" Roy challenges.  Larry only shrugs.

Meanwhile however, Iggy, far from down and out, has only retracted into his shell once more and is again bouncing around the ring.  "So much for intelligence..." Shy Guy groans.  Though without his stilts this time, he appears to be doing a far better job of avoiding Iggy.  But after a few seconds of this routine...

"It's my time to shine!" declares Iggy.  Approaching Shy Guy, he suddenly breaks out of his shell and launches himself high into the air, it looks to be about 30 feet, and is angled toward his opponent.

Shy Guy, looking up calmly, declines to try moving much but merely pulls out an umbrella and holds it open over his head.  "Tut tut, it looks like Iggy," he muses.

"It looks like I win!" the brawling Koopaling prophesizes.  He plummets toward Shy Guy and... it's a hit!  Shy Guy is flattened under the strength of Iggy's great fall.  Even so, it looks like the well-known minion has plenty of gas left in the tank, until...

"Take this!" Iggy screams.  "And this and this and this and this!  And oh, how about this, too?"

"Oh, wow..." Ludwig stammers.  "He... he acquired Shy Guy's umbrella and initiated a passionate beating, complete with stompings and magical incantations.  That's..."  The Round Three qualifier seems lost for words.

"Ow?" Larry helpfully suggests.

"Uncle..." croaks Shy Guy under the continued assault.

"I am not your uncle!" informs Iggy, not ceasing the delivery of his beating.  "I am Iggy Koopa, and no one shall stand in my way!  No one!  Wah wah wah wah wah wah... WAH!"

"Yes," agrees Pokey, who still overlooks the air-deprived Chain Chomp.  "Winner, Iggy."

"Yes!" Iggy screams.  "YES!"  Even now his beating of Shy Guy does not stop.  With a look into the stands, Pokey summons the now-idle security Chuck, who jumps into the ring and, well, charges toward Iggy.  All this accomplishes, though, is that now Iggy is wailing on two people...

While watching this, the trio of Roy, Ludwig, and Larry seem a bit stunned.  Larry breaks the silence.  "Makes ya think twice about trying to give him a beating, eh, Roy?"

Roy shrugs non-commitally.  "At least there's one bro I have no problem serving a beatdown."  He looks toward Larry'a seat only to find that he is... gone?  Roy sighs.

Ludwig does too.  "I judge it unlikely any of us will optain any relaxation tonight," he suggests.

Roy seems unconcerned.  "Whatever.  Well, that's another battle on the boards.  Until next time!"

"Be there!" Iggy somehow jumps into the feed.  "When I beat... anyone!  You'd better believe it..."

"Goodnight!" Roy sternly announces as the feed for another battle comes to an end.

The winner:

The loser: