The Adventures of Super Mario Brothers 3

(The red curtain rises on Dark Land, and the title is shown.)

Artwork by Fried Rooster

(Princess is sitting behind a desk in her castle, staring at a document on the desk. She is tapping her quill pen on the desk impatiently.)

Princess: Oh! I just can't decide!

(Mario and Luigi enter the room.)

Mario: Can't decide what, Princess?

Princess: Oh, hi Mario, hi Luigi. I'm trying to decide whether or not I should sign this document.

(Mario picks it up off the desk.)

Mario: Hm... Raise taxes? Why?

Princess: I wanted to raise some extra coins for the orphanage.

Luigi: I-a can see why the dilemma! This is tough!

Mario: Just remember to think carefully before you sign anything, Princess.

Princess: I know, I know!

(The scene switches to a far away view of the doomship flying in the sky. The camera moves closer, then suddenly the scene is of inside the doomship. Kooky is at the wheel, steering, while Koopa is standing behind him.)

Koopa: Remind me what we're doing, Kooky.

Kooky: We're enacting MY ingenious plan!

Koopa: Right. ... What was that again?

Kooky: It's the Forge Master 3000! Look!

(Kooky shows what looks like a small black box. There is a slit on one side, a lazer on the other, and on the top of the box there is a dial and a button.)

Koopa: Brilliant! ... What does it do?

Kooky: See this document?

(Kooky hands Koopa a charter.)

Koopa: (reading) "This document guarantees that Kooky von Koopa can eat as much chocolate as he likes." ... Hey! No one signed this! It's worthless!

Kooky: Right King Dad, but now, look! I set the dial to King Koopa...

(Kooky turns the dial until "King Koopa" appears in the box's slit.)

Kooky: ... press this button...

(Kooky presses the button on the black box. A beam is shot at the charter Koopa is holding.)

Koopa: YOW!!!

Kooky: ... and wallah! Look at it now, King Dad!

Koopa: (reading) "This document guarantees that Kooky von Koopa can eat as much chocolate as he likes." Signed King Koopa?! I didn't sign this! KOOKY!!!

Kooky: Wait King Dad, it gets better! Try to break the charter!

Koopa: Huh?

Kooky: Try to rip it up!

(Koopa tries to rip the document down the middle but it doesn't even bend. He tries ripping, tearing, and incinerating it, but nothing works.)

Koopa: What's with this thing?!

Kooky: You can't violate what you just signed, King Dad.

Koopa: But I didn't sign it!

Kooky: Exactly! And that's my ingenius plan!

(We see Kooky whispering to Koopa, then the camera backs away to outside the doomship. Before the scene fades out...)

Kooky: I AM a genius! WAHAHAWAHAHAWOAHO!!!

(The scene is back to its original location. Peach is still behind her desk, looking really aggitated. Mario and Luigi are also in the room, looking bored. Toad enters.)

Toad: I brought you some soup, Princess. You need to keep up your strength for tough decision-making.

Princess: Thanks Toad... but how can I eat until I make a decision?

Mario: Toad's right, Princess. It'll be harder if you're hungry.

Princess: Well, all right...

(Princess moves to pick up the spoon, but suddenly the castle shakes and some of the soup spills out of the bowl. Mario and Luigi run to the window and see the doomship coming near.)

Mario: A doomship! Koopa!

Luigi: I don't like the looks of this!

Mario: No time for soup now, Princess. Everybody out, pronto!

(The scene switches to outside the front doors of the castle... well, actually it is really only a Mushroom house. The doors fly out and Mario, Luigi, Princess, and Toad run out.)

Toad: Ooh! What's Koopa up to this time?

Luigi: We'll find out soon enough, little buddy!

(The doomship lands in front of the Marios. A door opens up in the side and a ramp protudes, followed soon after by Koopa and Kooky.)

Koopa: How's my favorite Princess?

Princess: Ug!

Mario: I smell a rat, Koopa!

Koopa: You should! It's my new aftershave lotion.

Princess: Oh! How awful!

Toad: Why don't you just bug off?

Koopa: Why don't you just sign your kingdom over to me?

(Koopa shows Princess a document. Presumably her signature would give Koopa control of the Mushroom Kingdom.)

Princess: What? No way!

Koopa: (seeming sad) You won't sign it? (suddenly happy again) No problem! Kooky, time to sign it over!

Kooky: Right away, King Dad!

(Kooky presses the button on his black box. A beam shoots out and hits the charter Koopa is holding. There is a flash. When the document is again visible...)

Princess: Hey!

Luigi: Woah!

Mario: Mamamia!

Toad: Aah!

Koopa: Hahaha! Looks like I own the Kingdom now!

Mario: Not so fast, Koopa!

(Mario grabs the paper from Koopa and begins wrestling with it, but he can't destroy it.)

Koopa: Hahaha! Not even Stupid Mario can break a contract!

Mario: Maybe so, but I can still break you!

Koopa: Kooky! Time for phase two!

Kooky: Here we go!

(Kooky is aiming his machine at rows upon rows of charters that can now be seen to be lining the sides of the doomship. He presses the button and signs all of them. He then presses another button imprinted into the bottom of his machine. The charters fly off the wall and attach to Bowser. He is covered head to toe in charters, leaving only his eyes still visible. His claws are still well-defined, though, and he can still open his mouth.)

Koopa: Break this!

Luigi: Can we?

Mario: Uh...

Princess: RUN!!!

Mario: Good idea!

(Mario, Luigi, and Princess turn and run away. Kooky opens another hatch in the doomship and Paragoombas, covered in charters, come flying out. The song "Read Before You Sign" starts.)

"Read Before You Sign"
You'd better make sure you READ BEFORE YOU SIGN!
You'd better make sure you READ BETWEEN THE LINES! Yeah!
You never know what could be written in words,
You could be giving your life savings right to_the_birds!
You'd better make sure you READ BEFORE YOU SIGN!
Don't forget to READ IT EV'RY TIME! Yeah!
Read the small print, read everything,
And use your brain, not coin flipping!
You'd better make sure you READ BEFORE YOU SIGN!
Beware- of- what- you- siiiiiiiiiiiiiiign! Yeah!

(Mario turns to fight the Paragoombas but Luigi pulls him along. The trio makes a turn and the Paragoombas miss them. They sigh in relief, but then Luigi is tapped on the shoulder. He looks behind him and sees another brigade of Paragoombas. He screams, then the Marios run off again. They end up looping back around to Koopa. He grabs for them but they all manage to get under him without him being able to catch anyone. Then the Paragoombas collide with him, Kooky looks distrought, and the song stops.)

Luigi: Wooh! It's over!

Mario: I hate to say it, but I can't think of a way to stop him this time!

???: Guys! In here!

(The voice is coming from inside a nearby warp pipe. The speaker can't be seen, but the viewer can probably identify the voice as...)

Princess: Toad?!

(The trio hurry over to the pipe and look in. Sure enough, Toad is inside.)

Luigi: How'd you get here?

Toad: I ran back into the castle when I first saw the charters. I thought I remembered a rule, and I was right! Princess, you can destroy any charter within one hour of your signing it!

Princess: You mean?

Mario: We have to run back there, destroy the charters, and stop Koopa!

Luigi: Let's go! We don't have much time!

(The scene fades out.)

(Mario, Luigi, Princess, and Toad are standing outside of what had been Princess's castle, but so are...)

Luigi: Bob-ombs!

Mario: Rats! I hate Bob-ombs!

Bob-omb: (beginning to flash red a bit) We're not so fond of you either, Mario!

Mario: Eh heh... I love Bob-ombs! As long as they don't explode!

Toad: How are we going to get inside without being blown to smithereens?

(A pause.)

Princess: I got it! What if we wear some documents too?

Mario: That just might work! But we're going to need something special in order to beat Koopa. Come on, Luigi!

(Mario and Luigi run off.)

Princess: Oh! I just remembered I don't have my quill or my parchments!

Toad: Here's your quill Princess!

Princess: Thanks Toad! Uh... why do you have my quill?

Toad: Uh...

(Toad averts his eyes and starts whistling.)

Princess: Never mind. Oh, but I still need some parchments.

(Toad, still whistling, starts shuffling his feet.)

Princess: Toad?

(Toad hands over some parchments.)

Princess: Thank you, Toad. Now, what should I write?

Toad: Write that Koopa's a loser!

Princess: Now Toad, that's not very nice.

Toad: (mimicing) Now Toad, that's not very nice. Hm!

Princess: Hm... I got it!

(Princess writes something on a huge piece of parchment, then signs it with a flurish. She hands it to Toad.)

Toad: Hm... "Mario is the best! Signed Princess". I don't think Luigi is going to like this...

Princess: Oh yeah.

(Princess writes something else on an even larger piece of parchment, then again signs it with a flurish. She hands it to Toad.)

Toad: "Luigi is ok too. Signed Princess". Princess!

Princess: Sorry! *giggle* Now Toad, I'm going to wrap you up in this parchment.

Toad: But I'll look stupid!

Princess: No one's watching! Here.

(Princess takes the smaller parchment and wraps it all around Toad.)

Toad: Aww... And I liked Luigi better!

Princess: Quiet, Toad! Now wrap me up.

Toad: Ok, ok...

(Toad wraps Princess up in the larger parchment.)

Toad: Now what?

Princess: Now we make the Bob-ombs explode.

Toad: Great! Have fun, Princess! Woah!

(Princess has grabbed Toad along with her. They run into the midst of the Bob-ombs, which start exploding with no effect. Finally they are all gone.)

Princess: Now that the Bob-ombs are gone, we can find Koopa and tear up the documents.

Toad: Maybe I shouldn't have stolen that quill after all...

(Princess and Toad run into the castle. After they do we see two more blacked out figures enter after them. They are shaped like Mario and Luigi, but we can not see them clearly.)

(Koopa is inside the room where this cartoon started. He's at the desk, feet resting on it. Kooky is standing next to him. Koopa notices the document Princess had been debating earlier.)

Koopa: Hm... I like taxes! But I hate orphans.

Kooky: Why not cross out the orphan part, and just sign the higher taxes?

Koopa: Great idea! Glad I thought of it! Just gotta find a quill, and-

Princess: Koopa!

(Princess is suddenly standing in the room, by the door. She has removed her parchment, in order to not look suspicious.)

Mario: (outside the room, in a whisper only audible to Princess) Remember Princess, you have to rip up as many of those charters as you can, and fast!

Koopa: Huh? Princess! Or, should I say... Hey, what is your real name anyway?

Princess: I just wanted to say that... I think you will be a great ruler of the Mushroom Kingdom!

Koopa: I knew you'd come around!

Kooky: My plan worked perfectly! WAHAHAWAHAHAWOAHO!

(As Koopa and Kooky gloat, they fail to notice Luigi, with Raccoon power, sneaking into the room.)

Mario: (from outside the room) NOW!!!

(Princess suddenly starts ripping the documents attached to Koopa. Luigi lunges and knocks down Kooky. He drops his invention and it breaks into useless gears.)

Koopa: Hey! That's illegal!

Mario: Afraid not, Koopa!

(Mario runs in with Star power. Koopa sees that he is now vulnerable.)

Koopa: Woah! Let me outta here!

Kooky: Wait for me!

(Koopa and Kooky race out of the castle. On the way out they are unceremoniously tripped up by Toad, but they are allowed to get back on the doomship. They take off.)

Koopa: I'll get you, Mario Brothers!

(The scene shifts to back on the doomship.)

Koopa: How dare you lose, Kooky?! I'll get you!

Kooky: Wait King Dad!

(Kooky holds up a document, apparently made up earlier. Koopa takes it.)

Koopa: (reading) "This document guarantees that King Koopa will not hurt Kooky. Signed, King Koopa."

(Kooky is grinning.)

Koopa: Only one problem, Kooky.

(Kooky looks worried.)

Kooky: What's that, King Dad?

Koopa: I DON'T FOLLOW THE RULES!!!

(The camera withdraws to outside the doomship, but we can hear the noises of fighting and things breaking on the inside.)

Koopa: I'll sign you!

(The Marios are back in the castle, having a feast.)

Princess: Thanks for saving the Mushroom Kingdom!

Mario: It was nothing.

Luigi: We couldn't have done it without Toad!

Toad: Aww... shucks!

Mario: Hey Princess, have you decided what to do about the taxes yet?

Princess: From now on, I'm not signing another thing again!

Mario: Oh brother!

(Mario winks, and the curtain falls.)

The End

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