Hagrid is leading the Koopalings to London.

Larry: Why are we in London?

Lemmy: You mean we're inside the body of London Tipton from the Suite Life of Zack and Cody?

Larry: NO! Not that London! The place that is called London!

Lemmy: Ok.

Hagrid: EEHOG!!!

Ludwig: Huh?

Hagrid: I'M A DONKEY!

Larry: And we are here why?

Hagrid: It's the way to uh... uh...

Iggy: Diagon Alley?

Hagrid: Yeah, what Morton said, because he got a sock in his mouth.

Morton: MMMMMMPH.

Iggy: ...

Hagrid: Well, let's go to the Leaky Cauldron first.

Roy: Leaky what?

Hagrid: EEHOG!

Wendy: I think he said Leaky Coodron.

Iggy: No, it's Leaky Cauldry.

Wendy: Leaky Coodron.

Iggy: Leaky Cauldry.

Lemmy: Duh... Leaky Cauldron.

Ludwig: How do you know?

Lemmy: Duh... sign said so.

Ludwig: Well... uh... I knew that... I was testing you guys.

Roy: Yeah right.

Wendy: Dream on.

Lemmy: What could possibly go wrong?

A Distant Voice: EEHOG!

Larry: That's was weird.

They see a sign that says "Leaky Cauldron". They go inside. Then a nervous man with a twitching eyecomes to them.

Hagrid: Professor Quirrell! Koopalings, this is Professor Quirrell. He'll be one of your teachers.

Professor Quirrell: N-Nice to m-meet you all, K-Koopalings.

Lemmy: What could possibly go wrong?

Lemmy grabs Professor Quirrell's hand and shakes his hand. His hand seems to be burning.

Professor Quirrell: NOOOOOO!!! I'M MELTING!!! I'M MELTING!!!

Everyone in Leaky Cauldron: ???

Another Person: Uh... false alarm, people.

Hagrid: Right... we'll be going now.

They soon come to a brick wall. Roy smashes the solid brick wall before Hagrid can make a move.

Hagrid: NOOOOOOOOOO!!! WE PAID A GOD FORTUNE FOR THAT!!! I COULD JUST TAP THE WALL THREE TIMES UP AND TWO TIMES ACCROSS TO OPEN IT!!! BUT NOOOOOOOOOO!!! YEH HAVE TO SMASH IT!!!

Lemmy: What could possibly go wrong?

London bridge is destroyed.

Hagrid: I knew I should have switched my car insurance to Geiko.

Wendy: Serve you right, stupid.

Hagrid: But who cares if I spent 252572235827598237584278275824785782708980888832728425686 coins for a
motorcycle that once it is destroyed will take all my cookies. Welcome to uh... uh...

Ludwig: Diagon Alley.

Hagrid: Yeah, what Morton said because he has a sock in his mouth.

Hagrid pulls the sock out of Morton. Morton puts the sock in Hagrid's mouth.

Morton: Now let's how you feel!

Hagrid: EEHOG! Well, where do yeh want to go first?

Ludwig: Wait, how are you still talking when there's a sock in your mouth?

Hagrid: EEHOG! EEHOG! Uh... the power of the sock!

The Koopalings: ...

Hagrid: Where do yeh want to go first?

Wendy: Robe shop.

Ludwig: Wand shop.

Larry: Pet shop.

Lemmy: What could possibly go wrong shop.

Wendy: ROBE SHOP!

Ludwig: WAND SHOP!

Larry: PET SHOP!

Lemmy: What could possibly go wrong shop.

Hagrid: Now we just-

The Koopalings run off.

Hagrid: BLIMEY! GET BACK HERE!

Hagrid chases Wendy, but end sup knocking into a wizard. Then the wizard hits another wizard, and then another, and then another.

Hagrid: DOMINOES!!! WHOOPIE!!! LET'S DO THAT AGAIN!!!

Hagrid knocks a witch. Then that witch hit another witch, and then another, and then another. Soon the the wizard and witch at the end of the "dominoes" meet and end up kissing each other.

Witch: Ewww. Get off of me!

Wizard: Hey, babe.

SLAP!

Wizard: Owie. WAAAAAAH!!!

The witch slaps the wizard, who is sent flying in the air.

Wizard: NOOOOOOOOOO!!!

In Bowser's newly repaired castle...

Bowser: Great! Now the castle's fixed. And now look at my greatest statue.

Wizard: AAAAAAAAH!!!

The wizard crashes into the castle and Bowser's statue, and the castle collapses.

Bowser: NOOOO!!! MY STATUE!!! Oh, I give up!

Kamek touches Bowser, making Bowser falls to the ground with his eyes closed.

Kamek: YAY!!! LET'S PUT DOLLIES AROUND HIM!!!

In Diagon Alley, all the Koopalings decided that they will go to each shop at once... because Hagrid won't shut up and stop saying stupid things unless they go together. They go to the robe shop.

Lemmy: What could possibly go wrong?

Wendy: BOOOOO!!! I HATE THESE!!!

Manager: Well do you want to wear this?

The manager of the robe shop holds out a cookie.

Wendy: ... That's just a cookie.

Manager: It's yummy.

Just when the manager's about to eat the cookie, Hagrid eats it out of his hand.

Hagrid: EEHOG!!!

Manager: MY COOKIE! Oh well, here's your robes.

Wendy: EW, NO WAY! IT'S A BOY'S ROBE!

Manager: What's the difference?

Wendy: Boys' robes are 0.1435773990482753748486759859009101112723478393457483946962 times fatter
than girls' robes if they are to be the same size.

The Koopalings: ...

Ludwig: Hey, I'm the brain here.

Larry: Really? Give me your brain.

Larry grabs Ludwig and forces him inside his head.

Larry: Hmmm. The pi is approximately 3.14, and the square root of 196 is 14.

Ludwig: AAAH!!! LET ME OUT!!!

Larry: Ok!

Ludwig: Yay!

Larry: Lemmy needs it anyway.

Ludwig: NOOOOOOOO!!!

Larry pulls Ludwig out of his head and forces him inside Lemmy's head.

Lemmy: WARNING!!! WARNING!!! TOO SMART!!! SELF DESTRUCT IN 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, duh, I'm Ludwig.

BOOM!!!

The robe shop exploded.

Manager: YOUUU!!!

Wendy: Uh... look, there's a birdie right over there.

Manger: WHERE?!

The Koopalings run off, except for Hagrid. Then they end up paying and pull Hagrid out.

Lemmy: Duh... what could possibly go wrong?

Wendy: At least I got girls' robes- oh no! These are boys' robes!

Ludwig: How do you know?

Wendy: Because they're 0.14357739904827537-

Roy: All right, we get you.

Wendy: I WILL WEAR THESE FOR THE YEAR IN SCHOOL, NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Lemmy puts labels on Wendy's robes which say "Girls' robes".

Wendy: Hooray! I got girls' robes.

Ludwig: But... oh never mind.

They go to the wand shop. They see Mr. Ollivander, the manager of the shop.

Mr. Ollivander: Hello, how may I help you?

Hagrid: We need wands for each of these kids for their first year.

Mr. Ollivander: Well then.

After some tries, Mr. Ollivander manages to get Roy, Ludwig, Iggy, and Larry the right wands for them. emmy, Morton, and Wendy are the only ones left.

Mr. Ollivander: Hmmm. Let's try this one.

Mr. Ollivander gives a wand to Wendy.

Mr. Ollivander: Wave it.

Wendy waves the wand at Hagrid. Suddenly, Hagrid is upside down, and he seems to be eating hay. There is a cat on top of his head.

Wendy: ...

Mr. Ollivander: No, not that.

Wendy: I tell you what, I'll choose.

Mr. Ollivander: But you're-

Wendy: Shut up. Now get a wand that is ten inches long,

Mr. Ollivander is looking at a wand on a shelf.

Wendy: That is made of mostly phoenix feathers.

Mr. Ollivander goes to another shelf looking for the wand.

Wendy: Wait, maybe nine inches long.

Mr. Ollivander falls off the ladder, and looks on another shelf.

Wendy: Wait, maybe made of mostly maple feathers.

Mr. Ollivander falls off the ladder again, and looks on another shelf.

Wendy: Wait, maybe made of maple and phoenix feathers.

Mr. Ollivander falls off the ladder once again, and looks again on another shelf.

Wendy: Wait, maybe eleven inches long.

Mr. Ollivander falls off the ladder.

Mr. Ollivander: THAT'S IT!

Wendy: Ooh, how about that wand over there?

Mr. Ollivander gives her the wand Wendy was pointing at. Wendy waves it at Hagrid. Suddenly, Hagrid is wearing a pretty dress, high heels, a bow, and makeup.

Wendy: Ooh, I like this one!

Mr. Ollivander: Well, I guess it fits you. Now, next?

Morton: My turn for waving the long, short wand with magics and made of feathers and stuff and can do anything when waving it and might make anything bad happen in this shop of wands with mysteries and-

Iggy: SHUT UP!

Mr. Ollivander gives a wand to Morton.

Mr. Ollivander: Wave it.

Morton waves the wand in a mirror. The mirror seems to be talking in Morton's voice.

Mirror: Look at me. I'm the great emperor of Desert Land, Morton, son of King Dad, who is King Bowser, who rules Dark Land, who has six sons and one daughter, who are Lemmy, Larry, Iggy, Roy, Ludwig, Wendy, and me and I like wedding cakes because they're delicious, scrumptious, yummy, sweet, good, great, awesome, with good taste, and Peach can bake cakes, so I hope she'll bake me a delicious-

The Koopalings except Morton: AAAAH!!! MAKE IT STOP!!!

Morton: YAY!

Roy smashes the mirror, ending the voice.

Mr. Ollivander: Well, I guess it fits you, Morton.

The Koopalings except Morton: NOOOOOO!!!

Morton: Yay! Just the great, long wand that makes things talk even when they're not human, animated, and they're non-human objects, and one wave on them, they can talk like me, who is the emperor of Desert Land, and-

Mr. Ollivander: All right, we get it. All that is left is you.

Lemmy: What could possibly go wrong?

Mr. Ollivander gives Lemmy a wand.

Mr. Ollivander: Give it a wave.

Lemmy: What could possibly go wrong?

Mr. Ollivander: Wave it.

Lemmy: Ok!

Lemmy waves the wand at Mr. Ollivander. Mr. Ollivander's hair suddenly disappears.

Mr. Ollivander: AAAAH!!! MY HAIR!!! I'M BALD!!!

Lemmy: What could possibly go wrong?

Mr. Ollivander: Hmph. Try this wand.

Mr. Ollivander gives Lemmy another wand. Lemmy waves the wand at the ceiling.

Ceiling: WARNING!!! WARNING!!! OVERLOAD!!! OVERLOAD!!! WAND SHOP WILL SELF DESTRUCT IN 5, 4, 3, 2, 1...

Everyone except Lemmy: Oh crud.

Lemmy: What could possibly go wrong?

KABOOM!!!

Lemmy: YAY!

Mr. Ollivander: (coughing) Here, take that wand.

Lemmy waves the wand, and a ball appears.

Lemmy: Yay!

Mr. Ollivander: Now go.

Hagrid and the Koopalings leave the wand shop that self destructed.

Lemmy: What could possibly go wrong?

Wendy: Oh great, even more!

Meanwhile back to that wand shop...

Mr. Ollivander: Glad that's over. Oh look, Lemmy left a ball.

Ball: WARNING!!! WARNING!!! SELF DESTRUCT IN 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... what could possibly go wrong?

Mr. Ollivander: Not again!

KABOOM!!!

Back to Hagrid and the Koopalings, they are inside the pet shop of Diagon Alley. They see owls, toads, and cats.

Wendy: Let's get owls.

They all agree although Lemmy is saying "What could possibly go wrong?" They leave the pet shop.

Lemmy: What could possibly go wrong?

Back to the pet shop, everyone is looking at pets until the cages explode and every animal in the pet shop joins in a stampede.

Iggy: Way to go, Lemmy. You just made the animals go in a stampede.

Lemmy: YAY!

Wizards and Witches: RUN AWAY!!!

The wizards and witches run inside shops.

Ludwig: Now we need those textbooks for the first year in Hogwarts.

Hagrid: I got them right here.

Hagrid pulls a bag out of nowhere somehow. He opens the bags and gives the textbooks to each Koopaling.

Wendy: Why are the textbooks all wet?

Hagrid: The books kinda fell into a sewer when yer were in the wand shop.

The Koopalings: EWWWWWWWW!!!

Hagrid looks at his watch.

Hagrid: Whoops, need to get Harry. I'll leave yer on your own to get to the Hogwarts Express.

Roy: Where's that, giant?

Hagrid: Here.

Hagrid gives the Koopaling a paper that says "Platform Stupid and Idiotic".

Hagrid: That's very important, Koopalings. Stick to that. That's where Hogwarts Express is.

Ludwig: Who's Harry?

Hagrid: You don't know Harry? Harry Potter?! The famous wizard. The Boy Who Lived. He survived He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named's curse, only having a scar from him, and then He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named lost all of his powers.

Ludwig: Who's He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named?

Lemmy: You mean Lord Voldemort!

Hagrid: GASP! Don't say his name out loud!

Ludwig: Lemmy, how do you know?

Lemmy: Uh... THE POWER OF WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG!!!

Hagrid: Well don't say that name out loud.

Lemmy: Lord Voldemort! Lord Voldemort! Lord Voldemort!

Everyone around Lemmy hears him.

A Wizard: GASP! YOU DARED SPEAK THE NAME THAT CANNOT BE SPOKEN?!

Lemmy: Lord Voldemort! Lord Voldemort! Lord Voldemort!

The wizard and witches chase Lemmy.

Lemmy: Lord Voldemort! Lord Voldemort! Lord Voldemort!

Wendy: Well... at least he's not saying what could possibly go wrong, but this is even worse.

Roy: Never heard of that punk named Harry Potter.

Hagrid: GASP!!! WAAAAAAAAH!!!

Hagrid runs away while crying.

Wendy: Well let's go to this Platform Stupid and Idiotic.

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