Martin: Morton: You give me 49.95, I give you your phonebook.

Ninja-Z: In order to get back the money from the wasted hours filmed on camera of Morton's Talk Show, Ninja-Z: Morton attempted to sell overpriced sticky paper, and he was even willing to include his hand with
Ninja-Z: the deal!
Ninja-Z: Morton: And heeeeerreee's my entire diary of every speech I gave in my lifetime, a $.01 value for
Ninja-Z: just $49.99, and... hey, where is everyone?
Ninja-Z: Morton: And here is this lovely pile of hate letters from the viewers, all for $49.00. PLUS, if you toss
Ninja-Z: in an extra $300.00, I'll toss in the entire truckload of hate letters!
Ninja-Z: Unbeknownst to Morton, Mr. Game and Watch wanted his sticky paper back...
Ninja-Z: Welcome to the Morton Cash Show, where Morton gives every single definition of the word, 'cash'!
Ninja-Z: When it comes to Morton on a talkshow and you don't have any duct tape left, the next best thing is
Ninja-Z: overpriced sticky notes.

Dasher Koopa: Someone watching this show: Man, that's one horrible buy. Morton doesn't have eyelashes!

Kirby 25: Since Morton wanted to be rich, nobody will buy it.
Kirby 25: Roy: Morton has received 49.99 from people that like him so he can give money to our dad to make
Kirby 25: it illegal to force Morton's mouth closed with things like tape!
Kirby 25: Morton: Please buy this book so I can have enough money to pay three days of my phone bill!

Beautiful Boo: Announcer: With a price of $49.99 you can buy Morton's super duper cool post-it notes! Call in Beautiful Boo: the next ten minutes and we'll throw in a free Morton's speech video that is 726 hours long!
Beautiful Boo: Just call 1-900-Morton!

MetaKnight: Morton: For the low, low, low price of $999,999.99 you can own all of my speeches!

Dupli-Puff: Morton: For only $49.99, plus a very very nice donation for me, I'll give you this set of scrap Dupli-Puff: paper, for writing in Shy Guy, and if you act now, we'll even throw in some oversized dollar signs!
Dupli-Puff: Be sure to receive my own personal movie, Star Face, for free, plus a shipping and handling fee
Dupli-Puff: that is only $49.99!

parakarry123$: That's right! For only 49.99, I, can go to you, to take away your moneys- I MEAN PROBLEMS, parakarry123$: problems.

Dylan: Morton: This is the one, the only, 900-page stratagy guide for world 6-5 of Mario VS Donkey Kong by
Dylan: Diddy Kong. That's right, I didn't write it! **GOOD PRIZE**
Dylan: Morton: I want you to buy this for no reason because I want you to have fun but not really and I don't
Dylan: care I just want your money and the producers think I'm losing customers but I don't think that is true.
Dylan: Morton: Who priced this? Why didn't they put $50.00 instead of $49.99?

Kirbyfancobra: Morton's 127th "Get Rich Quick" scheme didn't quite help his reputation.
Kirbyfancobra: Morton: AAAAHH! I only have four toes! Where did the other two go?!
Kirbyfancobra: Morton: Mmmmm... These are two good jawbreakers!
Kirbyfancobra: Larry: Muhuhuhahaha! With this Morton costume, I will sell stuff on infomercials and ruin his
Kirbyfancobra: reputation! It's the perfect plan!
Kirbyfancobra: Mario: WOW! "(insert random book title here)" for only 50 bucks! I can't lose!

Cheeseboy: Morton finished his heart-winning book "How to Avoid Ducttape".
Cheeseboy: Morton: I actually found out how to put speeches on paper!!!
Cheeseboy: The auction didn't go well when the book tried to sell Morton. ***FIRST PRIZE***
Cheeseboy: Bowser: And the last commercial was about hair wax for Boos, sheesh!

Tommy Koopa: Morton; Yes, for only $49.99 you can buy "Morton's Book of Really Long Words".

Delta: Morton: For $49.99, the answer is thu- wait, is that an "r" or a "k"?!
Delta: Morton held up his winnings for "most boring speech", unaware that Roy was sneaking up.

Bobby: Announcer: And if you act now, you'll get a free book on everything Morton said in the past 9 years, Bobby: which in dog years will take 81 years to read!

Denny W. Koopa: Now for 49.99 dollars, you can READ Morton's speeches, not listen to them.

Waluigi's Twin: Morton: Yes, that's right, I said for just 25 payments of $49.99, you can get this amazing book Waluigi's Twin: that moves the star on your face from your right to your left and vica-versa!

Punisher: Morton: Yes, you can now own the phonebook for 49.99, but call in right now and I'll throw in my tie Punisher: for free!
Punisher: Camara Guy (aka Larry): Morton, it's been two weeks. Can't I take a break?
Punisher: Morton's dream job.

Anikiki: Narrator: That's right! Morton has a book about his life, written by Russ T. (against his will, of
Anikiki: course), dictated by him. Buy one or Morton will tell you his life himself!

Lil Miss Game & Watch: Unknown to Morton, the markings on the cover of the book were actually a horrible Lil Miss Game & Watch: Caffopese swear word.
Lil Miss Game & Watch: Morton: Yes, now YOU can own, possess, have, my wonderous, great, awesome,
Lil Miss Game & Watch: Speech About Speeches for only, simply, just three easy, simple, effortless
Lil Miss Game & Watch: payments of $49.99!

Dark Paratroopa: Morton: YOU, YES YOU CAN HAVE THIS OLD 1942 RIPPED UP PHONEBOOK FOR ONLY Dark Paratroopa: 49.99!!!
Dark Paratroopa: This is the plan for your new home, inquire within!

Iggniuss: Morton is really happy.

A.J.: The all new Morton's Thesauraus, guaranteed to get your mouth taped or your money back!

Fun Guy Fungi: Morton: Yes, folks, I want you to buy this book so much, I wore a tie!

Teela: The star on my face always meant something...
Teela: "Who wants my autograph?"
Teela: "I need a makeover... This money has a nice face! I'll look like that guy on the money!"
Teela: Morton: MONEYYY!!! YAY!!!

Kirby 25: Morton: Just find my number on this phonebook, call me, and pay me, and I'll eat your round things Kirby 25: like Roy's Baseball, which I'm eating right now!

Dark Koopa: Morton: Yes, for $49.99 you get two minutes to beat me senseless in any way you'd like! Buy Dark Koopa: now or I'll keep talking about my red tie. The horror!
Dark Koopa: Morton: I didn't know it was so hard to sell a computer manual.
Dark Koopa: Wendy decided it was easier to give Morton away instead of selling him when she found out it
Dark Koopa: costs thousands of dollars a second to make a commercial selling Morton.

Cosmic H: Narrator: Hey kids, buy your copy of Morton's "How to staple your mouth shut for your own
Cosmic H: benefit" and get a stapler for only 29.99!
Cosmic H: Morton: Um, guys, the book is still stuck to my hand. Are you sure that was gel?

Link: The Wario disease must have infected Morton!

Luigi_Ownz: Morton: Call now and you can have this exclusive dictionary for 1,000,000,000 coins. You'll get Luigi_Ownz: the pages free of charge.
Luigi_Ownz: Morton: Welcome to Morton's Land! A land which Lemmy gave me in a bet. I'm the leader! Use
Luigi_Ownz: this book to travel around the sections!
Luigi_Ownz: Some things are best left unsaid.

Shadow Mario: What Morton DOESN'T know is that it reads, in whatever language it is, "Instructions for Shadow Mario: Morton-B-Gone Ray: Morton, if you read this, you are SO dead."
Shadow Mario: Castmember Offscreen: What those customers DON'T know is that the block of metal
Shadow Mario: disguised as that pad of paper with a good deal on it is really $49,000,000,000,000, not just
Shadow Mario: $49.99! Hahahahahahahaha! We rip 'em off so good!

Miles "Thumbs" Power: Morton: Buy my big book of answers now. It has every answer to every question Miles "Thumbs" Power: except how to make me go away.
Miles "Thumbs" Power: Announcer: Buy this pamplet now and get a free Morton. Morton may cause
Miles "Thumbs" Power: headache, irritability, loss of hearing, and in some cases suicide. **GOOD PRIZE**
Miles "Thumbs" Power: Morton: Buy my pile o' paper now! 50 sheets of paper for the low low price of $49.99
Miles "Thumbs" Power: Welcome back to the telethon to get enough money to bring down Morton's
Miles "Thumbs" Power: swelling...

Yoshi Dino: Buy my book for only $49.99!!!
Yoshi Dino: An $80 value yours for only $49.99!!!
Yoshi Dino: Morton: (Suckers, this book is blank!)

mathgrant: Morton: For the amazing low, Low, LOW price of $49.99, you can buy the world's shortest book,
mathgrant: "Bowser's Tips on How to Beat Mario"!
mathgrant: Morton: The next item up for bids is this severed hand honding a book in a white box!
mathgrant: Morton: And, if you buy with your credit card right now, we'll throw in this "$49.99" symbol behind
mathgrant: me -- for FREE!
mathgrant: Bowser disguised as a green dollar sign: Hurry! Buy this Morton Koopa Jr. before he's gone! ...
mathgrant: Or his talking makes me lose my sanity, whichever comes first.

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