Peach, Princess: Arrrrrrrgh! Mario’s still here!

Mario: Yippee! Ha ha ha! This is fun!

Mario keeps running into the wall, falling over, getting up, and doing it again.

Peach, Princess: This stupid dirty dress is no better.

Peach finds some bright lime green shorts and a dark brown T-shirt with the words “I’m a loser. How about
you?” on it.

Peach, Princess: Perfect!

Wario: Peach! What is that horrible stuff you got on?

Peach: Isn’t it better than that dirty dress and those overalls?

Wario: Much, much better.

Waluigi: Help! Help!

Wario: What’s the matter with you?

Waluigi: The King’s ghost keeps haunting me!

Wario: Hold still while I tear your tonsils out!

Waluigi: No! Not that! I’m afraid of tonsils!

Wario, Strategist: If I take out Waluigi’s tonsils, maybe he’ll shut up about being scared.

Waluigi, Scaredy Cat: I’m not scared of everything. Just mostly everything.

Yoshi: Where’s Yoshi food?

Peach: Not here. Besides, would I actually get you food if I had it?

Yoshi: Yes.

Peach: Okay, so maybe I would. But believe me, Mario is going to be voted off this time!

Yoshi: I agree.

Peach: And we aren’t setting the TV audience up!

Yoshi, Food Analyst: This stupid show make Yoshi sick!

Wario, Strategist: We the Mario Gang must win three straight immunity challenges or the Koopa Troop will
pick us off one by one.

Mario, Moron: It’s-a me, Mario!

Larry: (from a microphone) I am voting Susan Koopa off this week everyone!

Susan: He’s open about his love today!

Larry, Spy: I’m going to go spy on Roy.

Roy: Hi, Larry!

Larry, Spy: How did he notice me in this rainbow wig? Oh well, Bowser needs to be spied on.

Bowser: Dungeon, Larry!

Larry: First of all, Dad, there isn’t a dungeon. Second of all, how did you notice me in this rainbow wig?

Bowser: I took a random guess.

Bowser, Tyrant: I think lack of good food is getting on Larry’s nerves. In fact, it’s getting on my nerves too.

Ludwig, Genius: We wanted to win the immunity challenge so we can win the million coins, yet we could have voted Roy off if we had have blown it!

Roy: Hey, Iggy, ready for-

Iggy: I’m ready!

Iggy, Paperweight: This time, I’m going to hide behind Bowser. He won’t dare try to hurt me there!

Roy: Hey, Iggy, where are you?

Roy, Heavyweight Contender: He’s hiding behind Bowser, like a scaredy cat. But I see him.

Bowser, Tyrant: I’m going to lie down right here and take a nap.

Bowser lies his head on top of Iggy.

Iggy: Mmmmmph! Mmmmmph!

Roy: I’ll hit him with this stick.

Bowser: Ouch!

Roy: Sorry, Dad!

Bowser: You imbecile! I’m voting you off for sure now, Roy!

Iggy: Heh heh! Tricked you, Roy!

Roy: Why you... hey, my stick broke!

Iggy: Ha ha ha! Roy, you’re a-

Bowser: Look, everyone, come over here. I have an idea.

All of them come over.

Bowser: Mario Gang must have food. Remember that can opener?

They all nod their heads.

Bowser: Well, we’re going to go steal it! Any questions?

Wendy: How do we get over there?

Bowser: Uh, uh, we-

Morton: Look at this map I have!

Ludwig: Where did you get that? And how did you only say six words?

Roy: It doesn’t matter. I don’t want to hear him explain. Let me have that map. Here, right here, and here are the three places we need to know.

Wendy: What are they?

Roy: Our place, their place, and Lemmy’s place.

Susan: Why Lemmy’s place?

Roy: He has more food than both groups combined.

Iggy: Let’s go!

Larry: Wait a minute!

Ludwig: What?

Larry: Shouldn’t we punch out the TV camera before they see us cheat?

Ludwig: You’re right. Go ahead, Roy.

Roy: Ouch! That camera’s glass must be made of steel.

Morton: We’ll have to do it even if we do get caught. Hey, stupid cameraman!

Stupid Cameraman: Yeah? What?

Morton: I’ll give you this can of food if you don’t tell Lemmy on us.

Stupid Cameraman: Sure, why not?

The stupid cameraman uses the pop top to open the can and eats the beans that were in it instantly.

Susan: That was a pop top!

Wendy: Who was that stupid to not be able to get that open?

Larry: Who was that stupid to give it away?

Bowser: Who is that stupid to eat uncooked beans?

Iggy: Wait a minute. Didn’t we try this before?

Bowser: Maybe we did. I don’t care. We’re still going to steal their food whether they like it or not.

Iggy: Maybe they ate all the food already.

Bowser: I don’t care if they did. We’re still going!

Iggy: But, but-

Bowser: What a loser. Iggy, I’ve had it with you trying to be good. Let’s go!

The eight of them go through the hallways to a secret passage which leads to the Mario Gang’s place.

Larry: Here they are! Shut up, everyone!

Roy: Just go in!

Lemmy: Welcome to the reward challenge!

Koopa Troop: Reward challenge?

Lemmy: Yes, you were just called about it five minutes ago that it would be here. Did you bring those
Micro-Goombas?

Ludwig: Micro-Goombas? Hold on a second. We don’t have any Micro-Goombas.

Lemmy: They were in the package that was left at your door. Didn’t someone give it to you?

Roy: No one gave us a package.

Lemmy: (Why did I ever take this job?)

Lemmy: Look, here’s the Mario Gang’s Micro-Goombas. We’ll have to use theirs.

Susan: What’s the meaning of all this?

Lemmy: The challenge is to put the Micro-Goombas into those baskets over there. They will bounce all over
the place. You must put them into the basket with your team’s name and color on it.

Wendy: Sounds easy enough. But what do we win?

Lemmy: You win everything in that truck over there.

Morton: You mean the truck, the trailer, the vehicle, the eighteen-wheeler with the sign that says “Luigi’s
Lasagna” on it.

Lemmy: That one. Now pick a team of five for the Koopa Troop to go against all of the Mario Gang.

Bowser: That has to have food in it. We’ll use Morton, Iggy, Roy, Ludwig, and Susan for this one. Now
remember to knock down all Mario Gang members at all costs!

Susan: This will be a cinch.

Lemmy: Losers ready, go!

(Peach and Wario collect a pile of Micro-Goombas. On their way to the basket, Ludwig knocks them over.)

Lemmy: Penalty!

Ludwig: Penalty? There’s no penalties in this game!

Lemmy: There is a penalty for Peach and Wario falling over. No falling over in this game! Two minutes each
in the stupid box!

(Peach and Wario jump into a large box.)

Lemmy: Continue!

(Roy decides to switch the signs to confuse the Mario Gang. However, Yoshi is eating the Micro-Goombas,
Waluigi is scared of them, and Mario is standing on his head in the corner.)

Susan: Put the Micro-Goombas in the basket!

Iggy: Which one?

Susan: The red one with “Koopa Troop” on it!

Iggy: I thought green was our team color!

Susan: It doesn’t matter. Just dump them in!

A buzzer goes off.

Lemmy: That’s it! Hmmm, someone switched the signs. The green one has 0 Micro-Goombas in it, and the red one has 15 Micro-Goombas in it! The Mario Gang wins the challenge!

Susan: The red one was the Mario Gang’s?

Iggy: Okay, what moron switched the signs?

Morton: I saw Roy switch them!

Ludwig, Genius: Roy is going to be voted off in two days when we purposely blow the challenge. After all,
we’re up by three members. Now we don’t have to worry about being down going into the merger.

Peach and Wario jump out of the box.

Peach: Hey! We won!

Wario: (looking at Mario and Waluigi in the corner) How did that happen?

Yoshi: Yoshi want to eat the lasagna!

Bowser: Come on, troop. I don’t even want to see them win it.

The Koopa Troop leaves.

Lemmy: Open the truck and see what you won!

Wario opens the truck.

Peach: One hundred circus balls?

Larry: I’m still voting Susan off.

Susan: And I still love him.

Bowser: Everyone, I have an announcement to make! Anyone who does not vote off Roy will be sent to the
dungeon for life!

Roy: What about me?

Bowser: You’re already going to the dungeon for life.

Susan: Imagine all the food we could have right now!

Morton, Philosopher: Imagine all the nourishment, sustenance, nutriment, and support we could have!
Imagine all the meals, vittles, bread, victuals, breakfast, lunch, dinner, supper, snacks, dishes, edibles, entrees, grub, chow, cuisine, and nutrition we could have if that stupid, dumb, imbecilic, moronic, idiotic, retarded, slow, unintelligent, dim-witted, simple-minded Roy Koopa hadn’t have switched the signs!

Roy: Shut up, Morton!

Wendy: Look, Roy, it’s your fault we lost the challenge three days ago. It’s your fault we lost the TV. It’s your fault we lost the challenge yesterday. And it’s your fault that you will be voted off tomorrow when we lose the challenge tomorrow on purpose!

Roy, Heavyweight Contender: Just because I try to help us win doesn’t mean I should be the one voted off
tomorrow! In fact, I should be Koopa Troop leader!

Ludwig, Genius: The only thing that stops me from punching Roy to all the way to Pipe Land is the fact that he is a boxer himself!

Bowser, Tyrant: I ought to get Roy in a helicopter before tomorrow so we don’t have to worry about winning the challenge! If we win, I’ll be extremely mad and nothing will stop me from-

Larry, Spy: -Destroying that moron Roy!

Bowser: How did you know what I was going to say?

Larry: A random guess.

Susan, Pain in the Neck: I am so hungry I am going to eat Roy for dinner tonight! Hey, what an idea!

Susan: Hey, Ludwig, Larry, come over here!

Ludwig: What now?

Susan: We haven’t been able to eat for a while, so...

Larry: So what?

Susan: Let’s eat Roy!

Ludwig: You’re crazy! He probably tastes too bad.

Larry: That won’t work. We’ll get arrested again.

Susan: For what?

Larry: For causing a health hazard.

Susan: Then what will we eat?

Ludwig: We’ll order pizza.

Larry: Good idea! I’ll go find the phone.

Roy is talking on the phone.

Roy: Now tell me, Goomba King, who won?

Larry: How did he find where I hid the phone? I must have hid it in his backpack.

Roy: If you don’t tell me I’ll cut this wire!

Larry: Oh no! There he goes again!

ZZZZZZZZTTTTT! BOOM!

The phone explodes.

Larry: What did you do?

Roy: I cut the wire with these scissors and set it on fire with this match.

Larry: There goes tonight’s pizza.

Roy: What pizza? You must be plotting against me. Have some punch, Larry!

Larry: What punch?

Roy: This one!

A few minutes later...

Ludwig: What’s taking that applehead Larry so long?

Susan: All he had to do is take the phone out of Roy’s backpack... maybe Roy hid the backpack or something.

Ludwig: I’ll go find out.

Ludwig goes over to Roy.

Roy: Another spy!

Ludwig: What spy?

A half-hour later...

Susan: This is stupid! Larry and Ludwig can’t find a phone! I’ll have to go make Roy tell me where it is.

Susan goes over to Roy.

Roy: What are you doing here?

Susan: Where are Larry and Ludwig?

Roy: Oh, them? I punched them out. Larry’s over there, and Ludwig’s over there.

Susan: Where’s the phone?

Roy: I blew it up.

Susan: What?

Susan, Pain in the Neck: It’s like he wants to be voted off.

Roy: Look, don’t get mad at me over that phone.

Susan: It’s obviously your fault!

Roy: Who needs that phone anyway?

Susan: I wanted it to call for pizza!

Roy: Oh, that? Who needs that!

Susan: I wanted it!

Roy: Don’t get in my face!

Susan: I’ll put this fist in your face-

Some idiot knocks on the door.

Susan: Come in!

Idiot: Here’s a message from Lemmy:

You and your team must build a fort
That its builders it must support;
If it can stand attacks by cannons three
Your team will win immunity!

Susan: Thanks for the message. Now leave!

Idiot: The challenge is tomorrow!

Susan: Great! Now exit!

Idiot: Be there at noon!

Susan: Okay! Now go away!

The idiot leaves.

Susan: Now that he’s gone-

POW!

Roy, Heavyweight Contender: I’m three-for-three in punches. If they don’t like me, I might as well enjoy it!

Mario: I have an announcement to make!

Peach: *groan* What’s that?

Mario: Frogs are blue!

Peach: First of all, that isn’t funny, and second of all, frogs aren’t blue, they’re, uh, they’re, uh...

Wario: What are they then?

Waluigi: I don’t know. I’m scared of all animals.

Yoshi: Even Yoshi?

Waluigi: Aaaaah!

Peach, Princess: This is the biggest bunch of losers I’ve ever been around. Mario cares about dumb stuff,
Waluigi is scared of everything, Yoshi only cares about eating, and Wario only cares about winning. It should give me good chance of winning.

Wario: Listen, Mario Gang, we’re going to have to win three immunity challenges in a row to catch up. If we
don’t, then we’ll be picked off one by one by Koopa Troop.

Waluigi: What do we do with the circus balls?

Yoshi: Yoshi eat them!

Yoshi eats all of the circus balls.

Peach: Well, at least someone found some use for them.

Yoshi, Food Analyst: Circus balls taste good!

Mario: Everyone stare at the wall!

Wario: Why?

Mario: It’s fun!

Peach: It actually isn’t that bad if you think about it. I mean, what else are we doing?

Waluigi: I’m scared of the wall!

The same idiot that visited Koopa Troop knocks on the door.

Idiot: Open up!

Waluigi: Not another ghost!

Yoshi: Maybe it is more Yoshi food!

Wario: I’ll open the dumb door!

Idiot: I have a stupid message about nonsense from Lemmy for you:

You and your team must build a fort
That its builders it must support;
If it can stand attacks by cannons three
Your team will win immunity!

Peach: Great. Excellent. Wonderful. Now leave!

The idiot leaves.

Wario: We must build a fort that can withstand attacks by three cannons. Mario, you stand around doing
nothing.

Mario: Yippee!

Wario: Peach, you will carry the two-ton materials.

Peach: Thanks.

Wario: Waluigi, you will build using the materials Peach gives you, and build it around me.

Waluigi: What about the cannons?

Wario: Never mind the cannons. Yoshi, you will eat the Koopa Troop’s materials.

Yoshi: Okay.

Peach: And what will you do?

Wario: I will sit inside the fort and wait for you to finish.

Peach, Princess: That Wario! Thinking that he’s the gang leader! He can’t force me to carry those heavy
materials. It’s not fit for a princess.

Wario, Strategist: This idea is the best I’ve had in the last eleven days! I’ll get our team to win a battle that will have much competition from the Koopa Troop and we’ll start to come back!

Mario: Yum, pizza!

Peach, Princess: Maybe if we ignore him, he’ll shut up!

Yoshi: That no pizza! That piece of wood!

Mario: Same thing!

Waluigi, Scaredy Cat: I’m scared of wood!

Larry, Spy: This is getting to be a reoccurring theme: I am voting Susan off no matter how much I am paid by
Ludwig, how much I am punched by Roy, or how much I am yelled at by Susan.

Susan: He just says that because he loves me.

Larry, Spy: I’m totally sick of Susan!

Roy, Heavyweight Contender: Today our team will blow the challenge, we’ll have to vote, and I’ll be voted
off. I can’t change anyone’s vote, nor can I gain my own immunity. I will have to try to win the immunity by myself! But how...

Iggy: Today is a happy day, everyone! Today is the day we finally vote Roy off!

Ludwig: All right!

Morton: Yes! Yippee! Joy! Happiness! Wahoo! Victory! Yahoo! Ha ha ha!

Wendy, Beauty Queen: Something’s going to go wrong. Someone’s going to win our challenge. Someone set up Roy to be voted off and it’ll probably be some Mario Gang member...

Ludwig: I’ll go tell Dad my great discovery!

Iggy: I thought of that, you cheater! That’s my thought, my idea, not yours!

Bowser: Rooooaaaaarrrrr!

Ludwig: I don’t think we should talk to him today.

Iggy: I agree.

Bowser, Tyrant: I’m really sick of Roy, but first we must survive the challenge by blowing it without someone messing it up!

Larry: How much longer until noon?

Susan: Ten more minutes, my love.

Larry: Yuck!

Wendy: I’m sick of waiting. Let’s just go to the dumb challenge.

oiraM: !yad setisoppo s’tI

Peach: What did he say now?

Wario: He said “It’s opposites day!” you moron!

Peach: Thank you!

Waluigi, Scaredy Cat: I’m scared of every challenge. I don’t even know why I should go to the dumb thing
anyway.

Yoshi, Food Analyst: Tonight’s challenge should be tasty for Yoshi!

Wario: It’s time to go, Peach!

Wario grabs Mario by the ear.

Wario: You too, Mario!

Waluigi: I don’t want to go, but-

Wario grabs Waluigi by the ear with his other hand.

Wario: You too, Waluigi!

The two teams meet together at a strange place that looks like Dark Land. There are two huge tanks and a
whole bunch of wood lying in a pile with cement next to it.

Lemmy: Welcome, everyone to our immunity challenge! Is everyone having fun?

Everyone groans.

Lemmy: As I thought. This next battle will see how good you are at building forts.

Waluigi: I’ve never built a fort before!

Lemmy: Then this will be even more challenging for you. You use the wood and cement to make a fort. You
have one half-hour to make it. If it withstands three cannonballs fired by the Rocky Wrenches in those tanks
and your opponent’s doesn’t, you win the immunity piece of worthless junk. Hand it back over, Bowser.

Bowser: With pleasure!

Lemmy: Thank you. Now we start the challenge! Losers ready, go!

The Koopa Troop members besides Roy stand around doing nothing. Roy starts building frantically. Mario stands around doing nothing. Peach lifts the heavy materials and carries them to Waluigi, who starts building the fort. Yoshi starts eating Roy’s materials. Wario sits inside the fort watching the others build.

Roy: This is hard! Hey, guys, why aren’t you helping me?

Bowser: We have reasons!

Roy: Arrrgh! Hey, Lemmy, isn’t this illegal?

Lemmy: What, you working?

Roy: No, the rest of my team standing around watching me.

Lemmy: That’s perfectly legal.

Roy: What about Yoshi eating my supplies?

Lemmy: That’s legal too.

Roy: Then what’s illegal?

Lemmy: You wasting my time. Get to work!

Roy continues to work desperately. Finally he decides to quit.

Roy: This isn’t worth it. I’ll still lose.

Lemmy: Time’s up! Let’s see the forts.

The Mario Gang fort is a box built around Wario.

Peach: Hey, we can’t get in! Waluigi, why did you build it so close to Wario?

Waluigi: I did what Wario said: build the fort around him.

Roy built a two inch-high box.

Lemmy: Stand inside your forts!

Wendy: No! Not inside that thing!

Iggy: Or on that thing!

Susan: We’ll blast off into space!

Lemmy: Go ahead. You too, Mario Gang.

Peach: WE CAN’T GET IN!

Lemmy: Are you saying you want to be disqualified?

Wario: NO!!!

Lemmy: But if you don’t get in, you are disqualified!

Peach: It’s not my fault we can’t get in!

Lemmy: Then you are disqualified. Koopa Troop wins immunity!

Koopa Troop Members Besides Roy: NO!!!

Peach: They aren’t in their fort!

Lemmy: At least they tried to get in the fort, or at least stand on top of it. You didn’t.

Peach: BUT WE COULDN’T!

Lemmy: And that’s why you lost! I’ll see you at the Mass Massacre tonight.

Bowser, Tyrant: Stupid Waluigi! If that onionhead wouldn’t have built the fort the wrong way, we’d be rid of Roy!

Iggy: We still have Roy!

Ludwig: Moronic Waluigi!

Morton: Oh, the pain, torture, agony, anguish, and affliction of having Roy for at least three more days.

Wendy: Arrrgh! I knew it! I knew it! We still have Roy!

Susan: Of course Mario Gang would blow it!

Roy: Why does everyone hate me?

Larry: I wonder why, you egghead!

Roy: What did I do to make you want to vote me off?

Morton: Nothing. Nada. Zilch. Zero. Not anything. Not one thing.

Wendy (sarcastically): Everyone loves Roy, right?

Bowser: Sure.

Iggy: But wait until next time, Roy! You won’t be able to beat us then.

Peach, Princess: Maybe for once we can get rid of Mario.

Waluigi, Scaredy Cat: I’m not scared of being voted off and having a lava bath. I’m scared of getting hit on the head with the stick.

Yoshi, Food Analyst: Yoshi voting off someone who Yoshi so sick of.

Wario, Strategist: I have a new alliance with Yoshi.

Mario, Moron: Build the fort! Build the fort!

The five Mario Gang losers head for the Mass Massacre. This time Mario trips right before getting there. The rest fall on top of him. The five of them roll across the ground.

Wario: Cut that out!

Peach: Stop it, morons!

Mario: Hey this is fun!

Lemmy: I know how to stop their nonsense.

Lemmy jumps on top of the five and balances on them like on a circus ball. Wario rolls out from the bottom
and the rest tumble over.

Lemmy: Enough of this nonsense! Get in those seats!

The five losers get on the seats.

Lemmy: Mario, how have twelve days of boredom and torture treated you?

Mario: Fun, fun, fun!

Lemmy: What? Wario, after four trips here in a row, do you think you have any chance against the Koopa Troop?

Wario: My strategy is to win the next two challenges, keep an alliance together, win myself immunity, and pay the other opponents off.

Lemmy: Peach, being 0-for-4 in immunity challenges must hurt your team’s morale. How do you feel?

Peach: I feel like killing Mario.

Mario: Bang! Bang! Bang!

Lemmy: Waluigi, your dumb mistake cost more than your team’s immunity. It cost our television network a lot
of ratings when, in a little while, the Koopa Troop alliance picks you off one by one! How does this stupid mistake hurt you?

Waluigi: What mistake?

Lemmy: Well, never mind then. Yoshi, have you eaten well?

Yoshi: Yoshi eat whatever.

Lemmy: Okay, then, it’s time to vote! Mario, you’re first.

Mario goes to vote.

Mario: My vote is for Waluigi, because he’s scared of me!

Peach goes to vote.

Peach: My vote is for Mario, because I would rather have myself gone than have to stand three more days
with him!

Wario goes to vote.

Waluigi goes to vote.

Yoshi goes to vote.

Lemmy: I’ll go tally the votes.

Lemmy returns two hours later.

Peach: Where were you?

Lemmy: Eating a large buffet dinner.

Yoshi: Arrrgh!

Lemmy: Now for the votes! The first vote is for... Mario!

Peach: (Just two more votes!)

Lemmy: The second vote is for... Mario!

Peach thinks: Just one more vote!

Lemmy: The fourth loser voted off is... wait a minute, Waluigi?

Waluigi: I still need two more votes!

Lemmy: That’s not right. Well, this vote should do it! The vote is for... Waluigi?

Peach: Uh oh!

Lemmy: The fourth loser voted off is... Waluigi?

Peach: NO!!!

Waluigi hits Mario on the head with his stick.

Lemmy: Get in the cannon, Waluigi.

BOOM!

Waluigi flies through the same place Toad, Luigi and The King went through. Then he takes a lava bath.

Lemmy: The mass has spoken.

The four remaining losers trudge off with sad looks on their faces as they head back to their room.

Lemmy: Now just how did Mario survive again?

Waluigi, Scaredy Cat: I was too scared to win, I guess. I’m scared of cameras, so I hope there were none of those watching me.

Who voted for who?
Mario: Waluigi (Waluigi’s scared of him.)
Peach: Mario (She wants to kill Mario.)
Wario: Waluigi (He has a new alliance with Yoshi.)
Waluigi: Mario (Mario acts all stupid all the time.)
Yoshi: Waluigi (He doesn’t like Waluigi because Waluigi is scared of him.)

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