Peach: I am going to try to fix my hair a different way today, Yoshi. Hand me that curling iron.

Yoshi hands her a razor.

Peach: Thank you.

BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!

Peach: EEEEEEEEEEEEEK! I just shaved my head bald!

Yoshi: Oh no! Peach look ugly!

Peach: Shut up, Yoshi! Get the duct tape or something!

Yoshi: Here you go.

The duct tape slips out of Yoshi’s grip and tapes Peach’s hands to her back.

Peach: Yoshi! Get that tape off!

Yoshi: Yoshi can’t budge it! Yoshi use this tape remover to get it off.

Yoshi uses super glue.

Yoshi: There Peach go! Now Yoshi will pull the tape off! Yoshi still can’t budge it!

Peach: I look almost as bad as Mario now.

Yoshi: Peach look worse.

Peach: Thank you, Yoshi. Now go get help!

Yoshi: Wario! Wario! Peach need help!

Wario: I already knew that.

Peach: Not funny! Get this tape off my hands!

Wario: It’s super glued on!

Peach: Super glued?

Wario: Yeah! And what’s with the new haircut?

Peach: It was another accident.

Wario: Sure. Hey, Mario! Come over here!

Mario: Yeah?

Wario: What does Peach look like?

Mario: Like Yoshi!

Wario: The only difference is Yoshi doesn’t tape his hands behind his back! Ha ha ha! So long, Peach!

Peach, Princess: Does Wario want to be voted off?

Yoshi, Food Analyst: It was no accident. Yoshi wanted that to happen.

Wario: Hey, Mario! Let’s play tic-tac-toe!

Mario: Okay! I’m a tick, you’re a tack, and Yoshi is a toe!

Wario: No, not like that. You put an O in a box and I put an X in a box. If someone gets three in a row, they
win!

Mario: Okay. O O O. I win!

Mario writes three O’s in a row in the boxes on the paper.

Wario: No, you moron! We take turns!

Mario: Okay. Your turn!

Wario: New game, loser. Here is my X.

Mario: And here are my three O’s. I win again!

Wario, Strategist: What a moron. I wanted to form an alliance with Mario and instead he plays stupid.

Wario: Skip the game. Let’s play cards.

Mario: I like this game better!

Wario: Take two cards.

Mario: Okay.

Mario takes all the cards but two.

Wario: Forget it! I quit!

Mario: I win again!

Wario, Strategist: Mario is hopeless.

Wario: Will you make an alliance with me, Mario?

Mario: Okay. We’re the allies. Now who are the axis?

Wario: Not that. Yoshi and I are going to both vote for the same person. Want to join us in voting for that one?

Mario: Who is it?

Wario: Take a guess.

Mario: Mario.

Wario: Peach, you idiot! Peach!

Peach: Coming!

Wario: No, no! Shut up about our plans, Mario!

Mario: Peach, we are voting you off!

Peach: WHAT?

Wario: Mario, you imbecile! I ought to tear your tonsils out!

Yoshi: Some guy threw this message at Yoshi. It says that there is a reward challenge in ten minutes that,
to get there, we have to go jump in the helicopter that he was in.

Wario: Let’s go right now!

They all jump and miss the helicopter.

Guy: I’ll pick you four losers up!

Larry: I’m voting you off, Susan, and that’s final!

Susan: He really loves me now!

Larry, Spy: Another time we try to blow a challenge and someone ruins it! Roy is such a moron!

Roy, Heavyweight Contender: Now that I have at least three more days of not being voted off, it’s party time!

Roy: Hey, Iggy! Come over here!

Iggy: Yeah, Roy?

Roy: You know what you’re here for!

Iggy: Actually, I don’t.

Boom! Boom!

Boom Boom: Someone call me?

Bowser: Get off the screen, loser!

Wendy: What’s this?

Iggy: This is Roy’s boxing hour!

Wendy: I’ll show him some boxing!

Knock! Knock!

Wendy: Who is that?

Ludwig: I’ll get it!

A helicopter crashes through the door and lands in the room.

Guy: Everyone in for the reward challenge!

They all jump in.

Guy: Let’s go to the reward challenge!

Lemmy is standing on a ball watching the helicopter come in. The twelve losers get out.

Lemmy: Welcome to another stupid reward challenge! This time you will be playing ice hockey on this cheap
rink. Each team will have three skaters and one goaltender. All you do is hit this small Troopa shell with your stick into your opponent’s net. Oh yes, and by the way, there are lots of hazards like exploding Bob-ombs, fire-spitting Fire Brothers, and biting Chain Chomps. Cross-checking, slashing, hooking, holding, interference, and fighting are perfectly legal.

Peach: Perfectly legal?

Lemmy: It isn’t any different from the NHL. Anyway, how are you going to play like that?

Peach: I’m going to play goalie, that’s how.

Lemmy: Okay. Koopa Troop, have you picked your team?

Bowser: Yes. Larry is in goal and Roy, Ludwig, and Morton are our skaters.

Larry: Hey, what do we win if we win?

Lemmy: Your team gets 40 pizzas.

Roy: 40? Let’s win!

Lemmy: I’ll drop the Troopa shell. You have ten minutes to play. Losers ready, go!

Lemmy drops the Troopa shell. Roy wins the faceoff and passes the shell to Ludwig. Ludwig shoots the shell, but it bounces over the Mario Gang’s net. Morton shoots the shell past Peach and scores!

Morton: I win! I am victorious! I am the champion!

Lemmy drops the shell again. Wario gets the shell but is bit by a Chain Chomp. Yoshi gets it, but a Fire
Brother burns him with a fireball. Mario gets it, but gets blown up by a Bob-omb. Peach kicks the shell away.

Peach: Get up, losers!

All three Mario Gang members who were sitting on the ice get up. Roy slams Mario into the boards. Then
Ludwig and Morton join in on a revenge-on-Mario outing.

Ludwig: Let’s get Mario back for all those other times! Hey, Roy, use your strength for something useful this time!

Larry, unable to defend against Yoshi and Wario, gives up a goal scored by Wario.

Yoshi: Nice goal, Wario!

Wario: Well, it was a good pass from you, but-

WHAM! Ludwig slams Wario on to the ground.

Wario: What was that for? I want a penalty!

Lemmy: No penalty! Continue play!

Wario: Drop the puck first, onionhead!

After Lemmy drops the shell, Roy gets the shell and shoots it right at Peach. Peach opens her mouth and
eats the small shell.

Roy: What do we do now?

Ludwig: Peach ate our shell!

Lemmy: That was my only shell. I guess it’s a draw. Go back to your rooms. No one wins the pizzas, so I’ll
eat them.

Everyone but Mario: WHAT?!

Mario: Yes!

Peach: That isn’t fair at all!

Lemmy: This game isn’t fair! Go away!

Wario: You can’t do that to us! Why, I’ll-

Lemmy: You’ll what? Get automatically voted off?

Wario: Never mind.

Bowser: When this thing’s over, you’ll be in the dungeon!

Lemmy: Who, me?

Bowser: No, not you. Roy!

Roy: What now?

Larry: It’s going to be a long next two days for Roy, and now that I think about the pizzas, for us too.

Larry: Once again, everyone, I’m voting Susan off!

Susan: And once again, I simply love him!

Larry, Spy: If anything annoys me more than Susan, it’s the fact that I’m stuck with Roy Koopa, the most
annoying boxer in the world, and I’m stuck with no pizza, no food, no phone, no TV, and no life.

Susan, Pain in the Neck: Roy ruined one more thing: a chance at 40 pizzas. I wanted those pizzas and he took them from everyone, including himself, by shooting right at Peach’s mouth. Of course she’ll swallow that small shell if she’s trying to scream! I can’t take Roy’s antics much longer.

Bowser: This is the most boring day of all time!

Iggy: You said it, Dad!

Bowser: And this is the most hungry I’ve ever been of all time!

Iggy: You said it again, Dad!

Bowser: And Iggy is the stupidest Koopa of all time!

Iggy: You said- wait a minute!

Wendy: Waaaaaaaaaah!

Ludwig: What’s the matter with you?

Wendy: I want food!

Ludwig: Don’t we all!

Morton, Philosopher: Being hungry isn’t as hard as thinking that one is hungry. Thinking one is hungry leads to being more hungry than one already is, but it also then leads one to think one is more hungry than one was in the first place, which leads to-

Stupid Cameraman: Shut up, Morton!

Iggy, Paperweight: I haven’t seen Roy today! Maybe he left us in the helicopter!

Roy: Hello, everyone!

All Others: Roy!

Roy: Did everyone miss me?

Bowser: We really can’t miss you because you always show up at the worst of times!

Roy: Like when?

Bowser: Like now!

Roy: Why now?

Bowser: Because that idiot will tell us that there’s a challenge and stuff about it within a few minutes.

Roy: Are you sure?

Bowser: Yes, I’m sure. Iggy, are you sure there is no food anywhere?

Iggy: Yes, I’m sure. I checked everywhere in this dumb place.

Ludwig: I found food! I found food! It’s cheese!

Wendy: Cheese?

Ludwig: Yeah! You want it?

Wendy: Sure!

Ludwig: Then take it off this mousetrap.

Wendy: Okay- wait a minute! I’m not getting my hand caught in that trap!

Iggy: I’m that desperate!

Iggy grabs the piece of cheese and eats it.

Iggy: I’m too fast for that trap!

Wendy: Find some more traps!

Ludwig: Right! I’m going to go look for more!

Iggy: Hey, what’s this on the mousetrap? Danger! Cheese filled with rat poison. Cough! Cough! I think it’s working already.

Wendy: Are you a rat?

Iggy: I don’t know, am I?

Bowser: No, you’re not gray enough. That poison won’t hurt you.

Iggy: Then why does it say Danger?

Bowser: Never mind the rat poison. I have the feeling we’re going to be visited by someone.

Iggy: Roy?

Bowser: No, by that idiot that reads us a poem.

Ludwig: I found more mousetraps!

Wendy: Forget the mousetraps, we’re waiting for the idiot to come read us a poem!

Roy: Hey, what’s going on around here?

Ludwig: We’re waiting for an idiot to come and read us a poem.

Roy, Heavyweight Contender: How exciting.

Susan: Why’s everyone sitting here like this?

Roy: We’re waiting for some idiot to read us a poem.

Susan, Pain in the Neck: It’s so boring I’ll even stay and wait for him to come.

Larry: Why is everyone just sitting around not doing anything?

Susan: An idiot is coming to read us a poem.

Larry, Spy: What’s the matter with these people? Oh, well. I might as well wait too.

Morton: What is everyone doing here in front of the door?

Larry: We’re waiting for that idiot who reads us the poem.

Morton, Philosopher: That idiot is our only form of excitement, enjoyment, thrill, pleasure, and fun. Pretty pathetic, pitiful, poor, and sad, isn’t it?

Lemmy (in his room): We’re not sending anyone to read the poem this time. We’ll just tell them to report a
few minutes before the challenge tomorrow. They won’t care about missing the poem, I’m sure.

Three hours later...

Bowser: Where is that idiot with his poem?

Roy: You expect me to know?

Larry, Spy: This is pathetic. We waste all our time waiting for an idiot just so we can hear his dumb poem, and he doesn’t show up. This makes me furious at this dumb show!

Morton, Philosopher: This is boring, dull, unexciting, uninteresting, lackluster, flat, and dreary. Not to
mention stupid.

Wendy: When will this nightmare be over, everyone?

Susan: Not for 28 more days.

Wendy: That’s all? Wahoo!

Susan, Pain in the Neck: At this rate, one more day would seem like a lot.

Iggy, Paperweight: Not eating, not playing, not doing anything and not sleeping is as boring as boring gets.

Ludwig: I’m going to fall asleep if that idiot doesn’t get here soon.

Roy: You know who would be interesting to talk to about this boring life that we are experiencing?

Bowser: Who?

Roy: Jon Arbuckle. What a boring guy.

Wendy: I don’t care about Jon Arbuckle! I’m about to scream!

Iggy: Go ahead and let it out!

Wendy: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-

Mario: Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey-

Peach: What a moron Mario is, Yoshi. Now get the water and pour it on this tape!

Yoshi, Food Analyst: Yoshi have a trick planned.

Yoshi pours cement on the tape.

Peach: This doesn’t feel right. This feels like hardened rock or something!

Yoshi: Good job, Yoshi! Goodbye, Peach!

Peach: Wait, wait, what did you do?

Wario comes over.

Wario: Ah ha ha ha ha!

Peach: What now?

Wario: You got cement hardened on the tape!

Peach: Yoshi!

Wario: Ha ha ha!

Peach: Break it with a hammer!

Wario: Sure!

CRACK!

Wario: There you go. The cement’s gone!

Peach: Now just pour water on that tape!

Wario: The tape’s coming off!

Peach: Yes! Thank you, Wario!

Wario: Now you’ll have to give me something in exchange.

Peach: What do you want?

Wario: I want you to vote for Mario tonight.

Peach: Okay. I’ve been voting for him anyway.

Wario: Yoshi and I have an alliance, and we don’t want it to break, Peach.

Peach: I understand. But what if we win tomorrow night?

Wario: What a joke! Ha ha ha! We never win!

Peach: That’s a positive way of looking at it, Wario. What if we actually do win?

Wario: We party with Mario!

Peach: Let’s lose instead!

Wario: That’s what my point was!

Wendy: -AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Larry: Arrrgh. One more challenge to ruin and I can vote off Susan at last.

Susan: I still love him no matter what he says.

Roy: When’s that idiot coming?

Bowser: He never came. Didn’t you get the point after we waited for three hours and he didn’t show up?

Iggy: Well, I stayed up all night and that idiot still didn’t come.

Ludwig, Genius: Our joy is an idiot coming to our door and reading us a poem. That’s sad. That’s pathetic.
That’s-

Morton, Philosopher: -Pitiful. That’s poor. That’s lamentable. That’s gloomy.

Wendy: When will the fourty-second day come?

Iggy: By the time we are all bored to death.

Wendy: We already are bored to death!

Iggy: Well, I guess that answers my question!

Lemmy (in his room): It’s about time to go to the immunity challenge. Hey, idiot!

Idiot: Yeah?

Lemmy: Go tell them to report to the immunity challenge!

Idiot: Alright!

The idiot knocks on the door.

Roy: That’s him! That’s him!

Iggy: Open the door! That’s the idiot! He’s finally here!

Ludwig opens the door.

Idiot: Time for the immunity challenge!

Wendy: NO POEM?

Idiot: Let’s go.

Wendy: WAH!!!

Wario, Strategist: This game is all about strategy. My move tonight is to purposely lose this immunity
challenge so we can get rid of a member who is such a pain. Once this member leaves us, I’ll feel much
better. Of course, no one knows about it because no one saw my conversation with Peach after I helped her
out.

The idiot knocks on the door.

Wario: Go get it, Yoshi!

Yoshi: Okay! Yoshi get it!

Idiot: Hey, everyone, let’s go to the immunity challenge!

Mario: Why?

Idiot: Because it’s time to go.

Mario: Why?

Idiot: Because if you win, you get immunity!

Mario: Why?

Idiot: It’s the rules, moron!

Mario: Why?

Peach: Let’s go, imbecile!

The twelve remaining losers arrive at the immunity challenge. It is an entire field of ice, with some conveyor belts and a whole bunch of jars scattered everywhere.

Lemmy: Welcome, losers! Hand me that immunity piece of worthless, useless junk, Bowser.

Bowser hands it to him.

Lemmy: Thank you. How have you all been enjoying yourselves?

Roy: Great! I mean, just great, man!

Lemmy: (I can’t stand a sarcastic Koopa.) I know everyone just loves being unable to eat and enjoy themselves. I wonder if you’ll love this challenge! All you do is search in the jars for a Key. Whoever finds the Key must bring it to me. The winner’s team gets immunity. The other team must vote. Losers ready, go!

The two teams sit on the ice and do nothing. Only Mario and Roy search through jars. Mario is doing it for fun. Roy actually wants to win.

Roy: Get out of my way, Mario!

POW!

Mario: I’m blasting off-

Lemmy: That’s a penalty for profanity on Mario Gang!

Peach: Profanity?

Lemmy: Anything from a hideous TV show like Pokemon is a horrible, shameful thing. Your team must all sit
around for five minutes.

Peach: What a change!

Roy finds the Key and jumps out of the jar. Suddenly, a gigantic Phanto starts to chase him.

Roy: AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!

Roy dives on the ice and slides over to one of the conveyor belts. He then slides right to Lemmy.

Wendy: Wait! Wait! Stop, Roy! Stop, Lemmy!

Lemmy: Koopa Troop wins immunity!

All Koopa Troop Members Besides Roy: NO!!!

Mario: Huh?

Peach: Aw, too bad. (whispering) YES!

Larry, Spy: Besides me voting off Susan, Roy saved himself again.

Susan, Pain in the Neck: Besides Larry loving me, Roy is a moron for saving himself.

Roy, Heavyweight Contender: Oops! I did it again! Ha ha ha!

Iggy and Wendy: Shut up, Roy!

Peach, Princess: Time to vote off Mario!

Wario, Strategist: Don’t tell anyone about me making that alliance with Peach.

Yoshi, Food Analyst: Finally, Yoshi get to vote off someone who annoys Yoshi greatly!

Mario, Moron: What’s going on here?

The four Mario Gang members arrive at the Mass Massacre. They sleepwalk in, not knowing where they are going, and all fall onto their seats.

Lemmy: Greetings, morons! It’s time to get rid of another member.

Peach: Yippee! Yes!

Lemmy: Pretty confident, Peach?

Peach: That’s for sure.

Lemmy: What about you, Wario? Has the game changed in any significant way for you?

Wario: Nah. You have to be sneaky to win at this game, and that’s why I’m-a gonna win!

Lemmy: And you, Yoshi?

Yoshi: Yoshi tired!

Lemmy: Never mind about Mario. Let’s vote!

Mario goes to vote.

Mario: I’m voting for Peach because of the tic-tac-toe game, even though she didn’t play it and I won anyway.

Peach goes to vote.

Peach: I’m voting for Mario because he’s a moron! Enough said.

Wario goes to vote.

Yoshi goes to vote.

Lemmy: I’ll go tally the votes.

Lemmy goes to get the votes and comes back.

Lemmy: (I hope Mario is the one who leaves us this time! He always gets lucky. But hopefully not tonight!) The first vote is for...Mario!

Peach: Yes!

Lemmy: The second vote is for... Peach!

Peach: That’s Mario’s vote, that’s all.

Lemmy: The third vote is for... Peach?

Peach: Wario? Was that you?

Lemmy: And the fourth and final vote is for... Peach?

Peach: Et tu, Yoshi? Then fall, Peach!

Lemmy: Why don’t you crack that stick over someone’s head?

Peach: All right, how about you all line up for one nice whack?

Lemmy: No, no, only one person.

Peach: Then you, Mario!

WHACK!

Lemmy: Jump in the cannon, Peach!

BLAST! Peach goes through the sign where Toad, Luigi, The King, and Waluigi had gone and lands in the
red-hot lava.

Lemmy: The mass has spoken. Go back to your room, you three losers!

Peach, Princess: I can’t believe Wario and Yoshi turned on me... I guess it’s part of the game... *sigh*

Who voted for who?
Mario: Peach (Wario told him after the tic-tac-toe game.)
Peach: Mario (She can’t stand Mario.)
Wario: Peach (He thinks Mario will be easier for him later.)
Yoshi: Peach (He is allied with Wario.)

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