Bowser, Tyrant: Is it really true that Wendy’s gone?

Larry: Wario! Yoshi! Bowser! We’re free! Wendy’s gone at last!!!

Wario: Look, Larry, that doesn’t matter. What matters is that we’re boiling in red-hot lava at excess of 400
degrees Fungusheit.

Larry: Fungus- oh, whatever. But still, aren’t you just overjoyed about Wendy’s exit? What about you, Yoshi?

Yoshi: No food involved so Yoshi no care! Yoshi hungry and that’s all! Larry, what is so great about Wendy
being gone?

Larry: Freedom, that’s what, Yoshi! Freedom!

Yoshi, Food Analyst: How about freedom from Larry?

Wario, Strategist: I came in to this dumb contest weighing 405 pounds and I haven’t eaten since day...
maybe I haven’t eaten at all or... maybe I said this before... hey, that reminds me...

Wario: When is that dumb weighing thing, Yoshi?

Yoshi: What weighing thing, Wario?

Wario: You know, Yoshi, where they get the scales and give them to us and make us weigh ourselves and we
find out we’re thinner than Waluigi and-

Yoshi: Yoshi no care, Wario.

Wario, Strategist: Does he ever care? Well, my game with Yoshi is done. Besides, I’ve been talking too
friendly with him. I’ve been using direct adresses! I’m going off the deep end being friendly! You have to be tough to win this game! You’ve got to win immunity challenges! You’ve got to be sneaky! Who says it
doesn’t pay to be sneaky?! I’ve made it this far! No more saying Yoshi’s name to him or anyone else! That’s it! That’s it!

Stupid Cameraman: Calling Dr. Howard, Dr. Fine, Dr. Howard...

Larry: I’m telling you, King Dad, it all comes down to your vote whether one of us two wins or one of those
two wins. How could they start down 8-2 and now have it 2-2?! That’s nearly impossible!

Bowser: Son, it’s time we have a talk. If you want me to keep you until the end, YOU’RE DEAD WRONG!!!

Larry: Just asking.

Bowser: Just answering.

Larry, Spy: That’s it. My game with my dad is done. I’m joining someone else’s alliance. How about Wario’s? He looks like someone who could be going to the end. It could end up being him and I as the final two!

Stupid Cameraman: That doesn’t sound too good.

Bowser, Tyrant: What a waste!

Stupid Cameraman: What?

Lemmy rides a raft over to where the four losers are floating in the lava.

Lemmy: How are you surviving in that lava?

Wario: Well, Lemmy, sometimes I hope we aren’t.

Lemmy: I’ll let you come one-by-one to the shore to see how much you now weigh. I want to make you happy
by seeing your weight loss in 37 days.

Wario: That should be a huge loss for me!

Lemmy: Wario, you may go first.

Wario goes on the raft with Lemmy to the scale.

Lemmy: How much did you weigh coming in?

Wario: 405 pounds.

Lemmy: Let’s see what you weigh... 410 pounds?!

Wario: I’ve gained weight!!!

Lemmy: How much have you eaten?

Wario: Nothing since day seven.

Lemmy: Sad, isn’t it? I’ll go get the next loser.

Larry jumps in the raft with Lemmy to the scale.

Lemmy: How much did you weigh coming in?

Larry: About 75 pounds.

Lemmy: Well, it looks like you’re at the same weight... 75 pounds!

Larry: No fair! I didn’t gain or lose... but then again, I don’t really care.

Lemmy: Next! King Koopa... or King-

Bowser: I know, I know, let me get on that scale.

Lemmy: Wait a minute. How did you get here without me taking Larry back and bringing you here?

Bowser: The script writer must have left it out.

Lemmy: It doesn’t matter. You weigh... 0 pounds?!

Bowser: The scale went back to 0. That means I weigh...  500 pounds?!

Lemmy: That’s wrong. You couldn’t have gained that much weight without eating anything but junk on day six!

Bowser: I’ll be able to crush Mario easily as soon as this thing’s over!

Lemmy: Yoshi! What are you doing here?!

Bowser: How did I get back in the lava?

Lemmy: Yoshi’s gone again!

Roy: Let me see how much I weigh!

Lemmy: This is your fourth straight cameo appearance in four episodes! I thought the producer had enough of you! By the way, how did you get here?

Roy: I have ways.

Lemmy: I’m quitting this job. Hey, losers, come over here for the reward challenge!

Bowser: Why?

Lemmy: Don’t start that again. Let’s go!

The four remaining losers somehow all show up at the reward challenge at the same time, even though Yoshi and Larry disappeared before. The reward challenge has a race track, a golf course, and a tennis court.

Lemmy: Welcome! Although I don’t know what happened with the scale, you’re all here for a chance to win... a car!

Bowser: To crush Mario with?

Lemmy: Of course. Now, all you have to do is race three laps on this dumb, and I repeat to the producer,
dumb race track that is cheaper than Luigi’s Raceway, and get out of your kart and hit the golf ball until it goes in the hole. There are four equal-length holes, so you each have a fair chance. Afterward, return ten balls from the Piranha Plants against the four other losers I have chosen to play against you.
Any questions... wait, I always ask that question, and Bowser or Mario always say something dumb.

Bowser: Do I hit the A button this time?

Lemmy (ignoring Bowser): Ready, set, go!

Wario: Where’s the go-karts?

Lemmy: Stop asking dumb questions and go!

Yoshi: Where’s go-kart to race with?

Lemmy: I suppose that is a problem. Hey, give us four go-karts and make it snappy.

Here you are. Anything else?

Larry: How about four golf clubs and four tennis rackets?

You’re asking for too much there.

Larry: Fine, fine, just one club and one racket.

Lemmy: Wait! That’s totally unfair to the others. Give us two golf clubs and skip the rackets.

Here! Now go!

Bowser, Tyrant: Messed-up show.

Lemmy: Ready, set...

Wario: You can’t wear out your famous phrase! Say, “Losers ready, go!”

Lemmy: (And you’re the one I say losers about.) Losers ready, go!

Bowser and Wario go practically nowhere on the race track which has a big, steep hill. The other two (Larry and Yoshi for those of you dumber than Mario) make it up the hill easily and race to the golf clubs. They both finish the golf hole at the same time and run to the tennis court, realizing that a racket would have helped. Maybe I should be nice and give them one... nah!

Larry: Who’s this pink blob I’m against?

Yoshi: Don’t make fun of Yoshi’s girlfriend Birdo!

Larry: How could Birdo and Yoshi... never mind. Who’s that copy off Peach against you, Yoshi?

Yoshi: Princess Daisy of Sarasasasasaland.

Larry: Sara- whatever. How do we compete against them without a racket?

Yoshi: Yoshi no know.

Larry: (I have it! I’ll steal one off Boo!)

Larry steals a tennis racket off Boo.

Larry: Start firing, Piranhas!

Birdo: How are you going to play without a racket?

Larry: I have one right... (mumbles) stupid script writer. (I’ll just steal one off Paratroopa!)

Paratroopa flies away.

Larry: Dumb Paratroopa! Hey, Lemmy, tell that guy we need rackets! Or maybe just one!

Lemmy: Good idea. Give Yoshi a racket!

Larry: I hate you Lemmy!

Yoshi gets a racket. (Why do I let them talk me into this?)

Yoshi: Thank script writer!

You’re... never mind. Yoshi hits nine balls past the princess that has a slightly better IQ than Peach. Then there are no tennis balls left anywhere!

Yoshi: Of course!

Lemmy: We’re out of equipment again!

You’ll have to bribe me!

Larry: What happened to King Koopa and Wario?

Bowser and Wario come running over and start to beat up on Larry.

Larry: I had to ask.

Lemmy: Just give Yoshi a ball!

Where’s my money?

Lemmy: I’ll write the script! Oh, and you’re not supposed to talk.

I have freedom of speech!

Lemmy: Not on Plit!

Larry: You’re doing Roy’s job, and you’re not Roy! SO STOP!

Roy: I’m here!

Larry: Right on cue.

Yoshi: Yoshi want reward!

Here’s one more ball. Yoshi misses the ball.

Yoshi: No fair to Yoshi!

Lemmy: No one gets the car because no one hit ten tennis balls back to their opponent, so I guess I get the car! Oh well! Too bad!

Roy drives off in the car.

Lemmy: As expected. Go back to your lava.

Larry, Spy: We have been told by Lemmy that this will be the most boring day since we have become the Moron Mob. Lemmy hasn’t seen the boredom we’ve gone through before.

Wario: I gained weight! How is that possible?!

Yoshi: Stupid lava!

Wario: Oh, what are you complaining about?! You didn’t gain weight from not eating!!

Yoshi: Yoshi no care. Yoshi wanted car, but Roy got car.

Wario: Roy’s a cheater.

Lemmy: There’s been an emergency at the producer’s office!

Wario: What, did someone kill him?!

Lemmy: No, he says he wants our season (and hopefully, series) finale to be after 39 days.

Bowser: Why, Lemmy? Because he wants to fire you?

Lemmy: No, because the viewers say they are too bored to watch a two-hour special with only three competitors next week. They want the special two-hour finale tonight!

Bowser: Tell them no!

Lemmy: The producer did! But then he realized that he doesn’t want us to be up against next week’s QFL
Million Coin Game.

Larry: Is Roy good at football?

Lemmy: He seems like it, with the way he- wait a minute, I came here to tell you that we need to squeeze in one Mass Massacre tonight.

Wario: We can’t do that!

Lemmy: I’ll get fired if we don’t!

All Four Others: GOOD!!!

Lemmy (mumbling): I knew I shouldn’t have said that.

Yoshi, Food Analyst: Lemmy crazy!

Wario, Strategist: What’s with Lemmy and this new squeeze-in-everything-tonight jazz?

Stupid Cameraman: I don’t like jazz!

Lemmy: Alright, alright, I’ll tell him no. But he won’t like it!!!

Lemmy leaves.

Bowser: Hey, what about our immunity challenge?! How about a poem?!

Lemmy returns.

Lemmy: You voted off the poem!

Bowser: So we did.

Larry: Hey, guys, I just realized something: we’re sitting in boiling-red-hot-lava!!!!

All Four At Once: AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!

Bowser, Tyrant: Today we find out who I will vote off. It’s my choice- not anyone else’s- who goes and who
stays. After all, I am the great and mighty King Koopa! Well, maybe not great, and certainly not mighty, but I am King Koopa! Well, sometimes I’m not much of a king, and I sometimes I don’t act like a Koopa, but I am- *sigh*- nothing.

Yoshi, Food Analyst: The point of sitting in red-hot lava for three days is to win a million coins. But wouldn’t a guy have to go in the helicopter if he fell into the fire?!

Wario, Strategist: I want to go to the immunity challenge!

Larry, Spy: Well, Wario, it’s almost time!

Wario, Strategist: Stupid spy!

Lemmy: It’s immunity challenge time!

Wario: Yes!!!

Bowser: Who cares???

Lemmy: Enough question marks.!?.?! Stop it!

larry; hey. what”s going on.

Lemmy: The stupid script writer must be falling asleep on the keyboard!!!!! aksl;fdjalsjfkk~yoshiwillwinitall~alksfdjfdoafod~salfjazxcv

Hurry up and go to the immunity challenge before I-

Las cuatro idiotas demás llegan al reto de immunidad.

Lemmy: Please speak English, you-

The four remaining idiots arrive at the immunity challenge.

Lemmy: You said idiots and not losers!!!

Shut up or I’ll start the punctuation problems again!!!

Lemmy: Don’t start with me. Anyway, cuatro idiotas- I can’t speak Spanish! Anyway, four idiots, come with me
to your next-to-last immunity challenge. Not that it matters, because the script writer has already chosen the winner of the entire competition. I mean, if you were really desperate for clues, you could search through the text and find clues to who the winner is, but I don’t want to give it away... oh, yeah, you originally should have ideas as to who will win, so that’s another reason why I won’t tell you who will win.

Bowser: What’s the point of playing then?

Lemmy: To earn TV ratings! Now, our next-to-last immunity challenge contains previous challenges. You
may or may not remember them, depending on the size of your brain. You start off with the first challenge,
which is- does anyone even know what the first challenge was?

Yoshi sighs.

Wario: Who cares?

Larry: Something about Susan lighting-

Lemmy: Of course, of course! See those sticks over there? Put them in a pile and light them with a match I will give you.

Bowser: You'd better!

Lemmy: Next up, you’ll have to plug up five pipes each, then eat a dish of my wonderful cooking!

Yoshi: YUK!!!!!

Lemmy: Hey, script writer, I said enough with the punctuation marks!

Sorry, Lemmy.

Lemmy: That’s all right. Anyway, you then extinguish one Fire Bar, one Firesnake, and one Hot Foot each. You then move on to the Donut Lift bridge, where you go across the bridge with a Bob-omb in your basket and put your Bob-omb in the big Bob-omb. Afterwards, you collect twenty Micro-Goombas and put them in the basket with your name on it. Not the other losers’ names on it!

Bowser: We understand it already!

Lemmy: Then you...

Time passes as Lemmy goes through each and every challenge for the big immunity challenge. By now, all
four losers are asleep.

Lemmy: Then you hit ten tennis balls back against your opponent for the chance at the immunity necklace,
which I don’t remember much about. Hmmmm... this part in the directions about how the competitors finish in
this challenge is how they finish in the end-w hat a joke! Losers ready, uh, I suppose not.

Bowser: *snore*

Lemmy: Only Bowser is snoring?

Bowser: You call me King Koopa!

Lemmy: Sure. Hey, want a head start? Get going now!

Bowser: Yeah!

Bowser trips over Yoshi, waking him up. Yoshi screams so loud that messed-up dinosaur noise he makes in
Mario Kart 64, Mario Golf, Mario Party 1, 2, and 3, and a hammer noise in Paper Mario that everyone wakes up and gets going.

Lemmy: Even cheating doesn’t work!

The four race through the events pretty equally to the final event, the tennis-balls-thing. (Call me lazy for not putting anything about the other events!) Then Yoshi finishes first, Bowser second, Wario third, and Larry fourth. Yoshi celebrates triumphantly.

Lemmy: Yoshi wins immunity! Yoshi wins immunity! Elvis has just left the building!

Bowser: What building?

Yoshi: Give Yoshi Yoshi’s “Moron” necklace!

Lemmy hands over the immunity “Moron” necklace. Yoshi makes more messed-up dinosaur noises.

Bowser: Where’s Elvis?

Bowser, Tyrant: The building is destroyed and Elvis is dead! Or, um, maybe not, but...

Larry, Spy: Just call me “sitting duck”.

Wario, Strategist: Strategy, baby, strategy... whatever strategy means.

Yoshi, Food Analyst: Yoshi still hungry!

I haven’t mentioned the gong for a while, so here goes... all four losers miss the gong. The incredibly
interesting jury walks in. I might as well mention them too. Susan, the Pain the Neck we all know and
hate, Roy, the Heavyweight Contender we all want to punch, Ludwig, the Genius (compared to his siblings,
that is), Morton, the Philosopher who needs duct tape, and Wendy, the Beauty Queen of ugliness. Hey, I hope none of them read this .The four remaining losers waddle into the Mass Massacre like ducks. (Or am I
being redundant?)

Lemmy: Shut up! I’ll take it from here. Vote!

Bowser: What?

Bowser goes to vote- and comes back in a wheelchair. (You know why!!!!!)

Lemmy: How many times do I have to tell you about the punctuation?

Fine, fine. Larry goes to vote.

Larry: I’m voting for King Koopa, Bowser Koopa, the imbecilic dad I unfortunately have.

Wario goes to vote.

Wario: I’m voting for Bowser too. Hah! We can’t lose this time.

Yoshi goes to vote.

Lemmy: I’ll go tally the votes.

Lemmy has the votes brought to him on an Albatoss. Why didn’t Larry, Wario, or Yoshi fall off? Because I
forgot.

Lemmy: The first vote is for... King Koopa!

Bowser: *yawn*

Lemmy: The second vote is for... Bowser!

Bowser: Huh?

Lemmy: The third vote is for... Larry!

Yoshi: Uh oh. We may not have enough.

Lemmy: And the fourth and final vote is for... Bowser!

Bowser: That’s my vote! I can’t vote off myself, so change that vote to Larry!

Lemmy: Fine then, that vote is for Larry instead!

Wario: That makes no sense!

Lemmy: Neither does this show!

Wario, Strategist: That was probably Yoshi’s vote for Bowser and Bowser changed it! No fair!

Lemmy: Good thing our cameras caught Bowser voting for himself, or else he would mess up our whole formula for him finishing second!!!!! Stop it!!!!!

NO!!!!!

Lemmy: Anyway, revote!

Bowser goes to vote.

Bowser: I’m not allowed to vote, but I’m voting anyway.

Lemmy: Time out! Time out! Bowser is out of his wheelchair somehow, but that doesn’t matter. What matters is that Bowser and Larry need to give dumb speeches!

Larry: I’m first. Fourscore and seven days ago, I joined this game with the hopes of winning. Just like that loser, moron, imbecile, and idiot Richard Hatch, I’m just going to make a dumb speech that I want to win and I will win!

Lemmy: Bowser?

Bowser: It’s King Koopa, but- don’t vote for me!

Lemmy: Revote!

Wario goes to vote.

Yoshi goes to vote.

Lemmy: I’ll go retally the votes. Albatoss!

Albatoss does his job of bringing the votes to Lemmy. Then he suddenly falls and has to go off in a wheelchair.

Lemmy: Another loser.

Bowser: Like you?

Lemmy: Quiet, or I’ll... hi, Dad!

Bowser: That’s King Dad to you.

Lemmy: Vote one is for... Larry!

Larry: I knew it!

Lemmy: And vote two is for... ZZZZZZZZZTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!

The power goes out all over Plit. Two days later on TV...

Lemmy: Larry.

Larry: I KNEW IT!!!!! Hey, script writer, stop it with the punctuation marks.

Shut up!!!!!

Lemmy: Break-

CRACK!!! Right on Bowser’s head.

Bowser: OW!!!

Lemmy: Larry, get in the cannon.

Larry: Okay. Here I go!

Lemmy: Larry, the mass has spoken.

BOOM! Right into the lava.

Lemmy: Okay. What do we do now?

Bowser: We go home to our lava!!!

Lemmy: Okay. The contest will be over in three days I most certainly hope.

Wario: Take care, Lemmy. I want you to give me the money.

Lemmy: Okay. Good night.

Who voted for who?

Bowser: Larry (1st time) (had to save himself)
Larry: Bowser (1st time) (voted on strategy)
Wario: Bowser (1st time) (voted with Larry) Larry (2nd time) (had to break alliance to save himself)
Yoshi: Larry (1st time) (voted on strategy) Larry (2nd time) (voted on strategy)

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