Larry: Now that we will vote every three days no matter what, I’m voting you off, Susan!

Susan: I love you too, Larry.

Larry: Arrrrrgh! Stop it, Susan!

Ludwig, Genius: Today we are going to merge into one group and find a new place to waste our time.

Iggy: Hey, everyone, guess what!

Roy: What now?

Iggy: We are going somewhere new today!

Roy: Yippee.

Wendy, Beauty Queen: I hope the place we go to is better than here.

Bowser: When are we moving, and where are we going?

Morton: Ask the stupid cameraman that.

Bowser: Hey, stupid cameraman! When are we moving, and where are we going?

Stupid Cameraman: Wait a few minutes and some idiot will tell you.

Roy: This is boring.

Ludwig: Don’t waste your breath, Roy. That is too obvious.

Wendy: When will this madness end?

Morton, Philosopher: To say this game is completely pointless would be pointless, because if it is pointless in the first place then it is pointless to say how pointless this pointless thing is.

Some idiot knocks at the door.

Larry: That’s the idiot! Open the door, Susan!

Susan: Come in, idiot!

Idiot: Go and see Lemmy right away about your new home.

Larry: A new home?

Roy, Heavyweight Contender: We’re getting used to this place. It’s going to be hard saying goodbye to the
termites, dry rot, peeling wallpaper, cracked ceilings, no insulation, constantly dripping faucets and the rotten egg smell of this place.

Idiot: Let’s go, idiots!

Iggy: You’re the idiot.

Idiot: I almost forgot. Let’s go, losers!

Iggy, Paperweight: I should have stayed with the idiots title.

Wario, Strategist: I’m going to have to get on Yoshi’s side again for any chance at surviving.

Wario: Yoshi, I’m sorry for our fight. Please forgive me. Let’s make up.

Yoshi: Yoshi forgive Wario if Wario gives Yoshi food!

Wario: Wario... I mean, I have no food!

Yoshi: Then still no alliance.

Wario: Come on, Yoshi, I would give you any and all food if I had some. I honestly would if you would join my alliance. If not, we could suffer the same fate as the other six: being voted off and blasted off.

Yoshi: Okay, but Yoshi still hungry!

Wario, Strategist: Now all I need is four Koopas to get on our side in order to keep our alliance alive and keep Yoshi and I going to the final five!

Yoshi, Food Analyst: Yoshi want food and Wario no have food! Yoshi mad at Wario for no having food, but Yoshi want to win the million coins.

Some idiot knocks on the door.

Wario: Who is it?

Idiot: An idiot.

Wario: An idiot? Come in.

Idiot: It’s time to go see Lemmy about your new home.

Wario: Let’s go, Yoshi!

The ten losers go to the basement, where they arrive at a small island surrounded by lava with a narrow
Donut Lift bridge leading to it.

Lemmy: Welcome to your new home for the next 23 days! You can set up your camp here. Remember, there are many annoying creatures around here that constantly bother you, such as Hot Foot, Spiked Goomba, Spiny and the occasional Chain Chomp. You’ll get this bucket of stale donuts and box of sewer water to survive on.

Ludwig: Wouldn’t it make more sense if you put the water in the bucket and the donuts in the box?

Lemmy: Who’s doing this?

Ludwig: Never mind.

Lemmy: As I was saying before I was most rudely interrupted by a moron, you’ll also get a few blankets and pillows. You can choose who gets a blanket and who gets a pillow. And here are some markers and a poster
for you to make a team name and a flag for your team. Now think hard about your name. Make sure it is very
appropriate for the IQ level of your team. I’ll be back tomorrow to check your team name.

Bowser: Welcome, Wario and Yoshi!

Roy: Mario’s gone! Wahoo!

Iggy: That only means that you’ll be going off sooner, Roy.

Wario: We are the only two left from Mario Gang, and we want to become part of your team, not the next two
members voted off.

Susan: Alright, we’ll see about that. Let’s think about a good name.

Ludwig: How about Team Ludwig?

Susan: How about I tear your tonsils out?

Ludwig: But, but-

Larry: We should name it like Lemmy said!

Wendy: What do you mean, “like Lemmy said”?

Larry: Our combined IQ level isn’t higher than the height of a Micro-Goomba!

Wendy: Maybe yours doesn’t, but I’m not that stupid!

Larry: How about we name our team the Moron Mob?

Bowser: Excellent name! Any objections?

Everyone is speechless over Bowser calling “Moron Mob” an excellent name.

Bowser: Great! We are the Moron Mob!

Larry: I’m voting you off once again, Susan!

Susan: And once again-

Larry: I know, I know. Don’t say it.

Susan: I love you.

Larry: Arrrrrrrgh!

Roy: What a name.

Ludwig: Who even thought of it?

Wendy: Larry did.

Ludwig: Why, that stooge-

Iggy: Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk, nyuk.

Ludwig: It isn’t funny! I’m a genius, not a moron! My IQ is higher than Larry’s!

Iggy: Sure it is. Ha ha ha ha!

Ludwig, Genius: That imbecile-

Wendy: Hey, Wario! Want a blanket or a pillow?

Wario: I’ll take a pillow.

Wendy: How about you, Yoshi?

Yoshi: Yoshi want a blanket.

Wendy: Okay, Roy, Ludwig, Bowser, Morton, and Wario want pillows and Susan, Larry, Iggy, Yoshi, and I want
blankets. I’ll sort them out.

Bowser, Tyrant: What’s this whole island thing? We’re in the basement of a huge building and it feels like
we’re outside. These windows make it feel so open. What a great place!

Susan, Pain in the Neck: This is so stupid, with all these windows showing pictures of jungles and these fake storms which are really sprinklers and flashing lights and the-

Stupid Cameraman: Shut up! You’ll blow our cover!

Wario: This place is messed-up, Yoshi!

Yoshi: Yoshi still hungry!

Wario, Strategist: Yoshi would be a much better competitor if he thought about more than his stomach. He’s eaten more than me!

Lemmy comes to the fake island.

Lemmy: What is this name? Moron Mob? Well, it at least describes these losers perfectly. And what’s this flag? A Podoboo on a stick? How stupid!

Larry: That’s our worst effort, but thanks to us being hardly fed, it’s pretty good!

Lemmy: Hey, you have food now. Plus you have that water! You’re set for days! You’ll never need any more
help from me with the food. I’ll see you losers tomorrow for the immunity challenge.

Lemmy leaves.

Larry, Spy: What a help a brother is!

Wendy: Now we’re set for tonight! I have all our beds set up.

Iggy: What do we use for pillows?

Wendy: Rocks!

Roy: And what do we use for blankets?

Wendy: Grass!

Iggy and Roy: Some help.

Susan: I wonder how hot this lava is, Ludwig.

Ludwig: Go test it.

Susan sticks her foot in the lava.

Susan: Yeow! This is too hot!

Ludwig: Ha! I knew it was too hot for you. That lava wouldn’t hurt me.

Susan: Let’s see you try it.

Ludwig trips and falls all the way into the lava.

Ludwig: Yeow! Get me out of here!

Susan: Ha ha ha! This is too fun to watch for me to get you out now!

Ludwig: Help! Someone give me a rope or something!

Bowser: Imbecile! What are you swimming in the lava for?

Ludwig: I tried to stick my foot in, and I tripped and fell in!

Bowser: Here, grab this rope!

Ludwig grabs the rope and pulls.

Bowser: Yeow! I’m falling in too!

Ludwig pulls so hard Bowser falls in with him.

Bowser: You’re right, this is hot!

Ludwig: Someone help! This is too hot to handle!

Susan: I’m just going to watch you and laugh, Ludwig!

Ludwig: Get Roy! He can help us!

Susan: Hey, Roy! Come over here!

Roy: What is it?

Susan: Look at those two losers.

Roy: Dad and Ludwig! Ha ha! In the lava! What losers! Ha ha ha ha!

Ludwig: Get me out of here!

Bowser: If you don’t get me out of here, I’ll tear your tonsils out!

Roy: You can’t tear them out from there!

Bowser: I’ll tear them out once I get out!

Roy: Who’s going to get you out?

Iggy: Here’s another rope that’s attached to this Chain Chomp. Grab it!

Bowser and Ludwig are pulled out by the Chain Chomp.

Roy: Uh oh. That Chain Chomp just got me into huge trouble!

Bowser: Why, I’m going to-

Roy: No, you aren’t! No, you aren’t! Aaaaaaah!

Bowser chases Roy around the island.

Susan (to Ludwig): I told you so.

Ludwig: I know! I know!

An idiot runs across the Donut Lift bridge.

Idiot: Here’s a message about your immunity challenge:

On Donut Lifts over lava you must stand,
Until all of the rest have gone to safe land.
If you are the one who is still there,
An immunity necklace you will wear!

Goodbye now, mob of morons!

Ludwig: Who thought of that dumb name?

Larry, Spy: Today is finally the day I get to vote off Susan! Yahoo!

Susan: He really should stop hiding his love for me.

Larry, Spy: Arrrgh! No more!

Ludwig, Genius: I am completely insulted by the fact that we are considered morons. Maybe Larry and some of the others, but not me! I’m a genius! What’s with these losers who like the name “Moron Mob”?

Bowser: Well, we’ve made it three weeks, and I still have one question: WHERE’S THE FOOD?

Wendy: I wanted some of those yummy stale donuts, but they’re all gone!

Iggy: I wanted some of that delicious sewer water, but it’s gone too!

Yoshi, Food Analyst: Yoshi was hungry, and Yoshi didn’t want Koopas to get food poisoning, so Yoshi ate
stale donuts and gave sewer water to Roy.

Wario: Hey, Yoshi! Have you seen our donuts?

Yoshi: Define “seen”!

Wario, Strategist: That glutton! He stole our donuts! Maybe he drank that awful sewer water. That’ll teach
him.

Yoshi: Yoshi no drink sewer water.

Bowser: What sewer rat would drink that anyway?

Roy: I was thirsty, so...

Yoshi: Yoshi gave Roy sewer water!

Wendy, Beauty Queen: Yes! Go Yoshi!

Morton, Philosopher: I refuse to vote off Yoshi because Yoshi has brought revenge on Roy and will continue to help our team by doing things related to that and will also bring joy and happiness and fun to
our Moron Mob by doing stupid things and-

Stupid Cameraman: Shut up again, Moron!

Morton, Philosopher: You mean “Morton”!

Stupid Cameraman: No, I mean “Moron”!

Larry, Spy: Where’s Lemmy when you need him? We can ask him for more food.

Lemmy arrives.

Larry, Spy: There he is, right on cue!

Lemmy: Hello, everyone!

Iggy: Lemmy! What are you doing here?

Lemmy: I see you’re out of food and drink already. I gave you enough to survive. How did you lose it all?

Wendy: We, uh, we didn’t, uh, really ration it off correctly. Some losers got more than others.

Lemmy: Well, I’ll make you a deal. Trade me something you don’t need for something you do need: more food
and better water.

Iggy: Here’s Roy! We don’t need Roy anymore!

Lemmy: You’ll have to make a better trade than that! I didn’t want something completely worthless!

Roy, Heavyweight Contender: They hate me! They really hate me!

Lemmy: How about trading those blankets and pillows for some pizzas and actually fresh water?

Wendy: (throwing the blankets and pillows at Lemmy) Done deal.

Lemmy: (handing Wendy the pizzas and fresh water) Goodbye. I’ll see you in five minutes for the immunity challenge.

Iggy, Paperweight: Immunity challenge?

Stupid Cameraman: The one you losers go to every three days!

Iggy, Paperweight: Oh, that immunity challenge!

Bowser: Well, wait a minute. Should we eat now and go to the immunity challenge later, or should we leave
the pizzas here by the lava to keep them warm and go to the immunity challenge now?

Roy: Let’s eat! I’m hungry!

Ludwig: We should go to the challenge first. What if we get food there?

Roy: Good point. Let’s go!

The ten remaining losers arrive at the immunity challenge, which is just a sea of lava and ten Donut Lifts floating in it.

Lemmy: Welcome, losers, to our pathetic immunity challenge! It’s pretty pathetic because all you do is see who can stand on a Donut Lift the longest. Whoever stays on it the longest wins. The winner gets this
stupid immunity necklace with the word “Moron” on the beads around it. That loser can’t be voted for in our
Mass Massacre tonight. To stay on the Donut Lift, you may have to jump up repeatedly to keep it from falling
into the lava and from you falling into the lava too!

Roy: This is stupid. I’ll be the first one off! Is there a way you can get off without stepping into the lava?

Lemmy: I might make a deal and let you jump in this motorboat if you decide to get off early.

Roy: Good idea.

Lemmy: I’ll carry each one of you to your Donut Lift. Don’t fall off it until I say go.

Lemmy carries each one to his or her Donut Lift.

Lemmy: Losers ready, go!

Roy: This is easy! All you have to do is keep on jumping!

Wario and Bowser sink right away.

Wario: Get us out of here!

Bowser: I can’t stand lava anymore!

Lemmy brings them back to land.

Iggy: Let me off, Lemmy!

Lemmy: Okay, jump in the motorboat.

One by one, the losers jump off into the motorboat or fall into the lava. Seven hours later, only Roy, Susan
and Yoshi are left.

Lemmy: I’ll give you some stale donuts if you get off!

None answer Lemmy.

Lemmy: How about some nice sewer water?

None answer Lemmy again.

Lemmy: Okay, losers, I’ll actually give you some real food! How about the nice buffet I’ve got here?

(Yoshi jumps all the way from his Donut Lift to the land.

Lemmy: What a jumper! How about you two?

Roy: Not us!

Susan: We’re not quitters!

Lemmy: (The stupid bait trick doesn’t work with them. I’ll have to go to more drastic measures.) I’ll pull these Donut Lifts right out of the lava if you make me stay here any longer!

Roy: Ha! I’d like to see you pull this Donut Lift right out of the lava without me pounding you!

Lemmy: (What a tough one. I’ll have to try something else.) Just jump off!

Susan: Yikes!

Susan slips off and falls in.

Susan: Yeow!

Roy: I win!

Lemmy: Congratulations, Roy! You’re the “moron”! You win immunity!

Roy, Heavyweight Contender: I’ll even take this “moron” necklace for the right to not be voted off!

All Others Besides Roy and Larry: We’re stuck with Roy again!

Larry: Well, at least Susan didn’t get immunity.

Larry, Spy: Everyone should know who I am voting for.

Morton, Philosopher: Our first vote for us Koopa Troop members should be interesting, intriguing, exciting,
exotic, colorful, entertaining, and inspiring to say the least.

Wendy, Beauty Queen: No one'd better vote for me!

Iggy, Paperweight: Strategy is stupid. Being cunning and sharp in the voting is pointless. Luck is the key!

Roy, Heavyweight Contender: Everyone hates me but no one can vote for me! Ha ha!

Ludwig, Genius: Larry and Iggy love thinking that I’m a moron! Look at Roy! He’s the moron around here!

Susan, Pain in the Neck: It was tough to fall off because now I’m vulnerable to being voted off.

Bowser, Tyrant: We’re the Moron Mob, and one Mass Massacre won’t pull us apart! Now two maybe will...

Wario, Strategist: Yoshi and I have a new strategy: form an alliance with the one who has immunity.

Yoshi, Food Analyst: Yoshi hungry!

The ten losers arrive at the Mass Massacre one hour late because the Donut Lift bridge back at their fake
island sank into the lava when Bowser stepped on it. They all sit down at their seats.

Lemmy: Well, it’s nice for you former Koopa Troop members to finally come here. It’s also nice that Mario is gone.

Roy: Is it?

Wario: Of course. Yoshi and I should know.

Yoshi: Mario annoying.

Lemmy: Roy, you for sure will be at least on our jury because no one can vote you off. The jury will decide
who wins between the final two at the very end. The one voted off tonight will not join our jury, however. The rest of you would if you get voted off another time after tonight. Roy, any strategies involved?

Roy: Lemmy, they’re too secret to be shared.

Lemmy: Alright, let’s vote!

Bowser goes to vote.

Iggy goes to vote.

Iggy: My vote goes to Wario, because he looks like he’s the strongest. Okay, okay, so I guess I used strategy. But no more!

Larry goes to vote.

Larry: Surprise, surprise! I’m voting off Susan!

Ludwig goes to vote.

Morton goes to vote.

Roy goes to vote.

Roy: I am voting off Iggy, because he hates me more than all of the rest hate me.

Susan goes to vote.

Wario goes to vote.

Wendy goes to vote.

Wendy: I’m voting for Ludwig to leave us, because that stupid genius of his annoys me to death!

Yoshi goes to vote.

Lemmy: I’ll go tally the votes.

Lemmy goes and comes back.

Lemmy: Where did you put the votes?

Iggy: In that box.

Lemmy: That box had a hole in it! All the votes fell off into the lava! You’ll have to revote.

Bowser goes to vote.

Iggy goes to vote.

Iggy: My vote goes to Wario, because he looks like he’s the strongest. Okay, okay, so I guess I used strategy. But no more!

Larry goes to vote.

Larry: Surprise, surprise! I’m voting off Susan!

Ludwig goes to vote.

Morton goes to vote.

Roy goes to vote.

Roy: I am voting off Iggy, because he hates me more than all of the rest hate me.

Susan goes to vote.

Wario goes to vote.

Wendy goes to vote.

Wendy: I’m voting for Ludwig to leave us, because that stupid genius of his annoys me to death!

Yoshi goes to vote.

Lemmy: I’ll go retally the votes.

Lemmy gets the votes and comes back.

Lemmy: Once the winner- I mean loser- of the votes has been revealed, they will be asked to jump in the
cannon immediately.

Lemmy: The first vote is for... Susan!

Wendy: We all saw that one coming.

Lemmy: The second vote is for... Ludwig!

Ludwig: That’s my last vote. Keep going!

Lemmy: A little confident, I assume? The next vote is also for Ludwig!

Ludwig: There’s a mistake.

Lemmy: Iggy!

Iggy: What?

Lemmy: Nothing. That’s your vote. Iggy!

Iggy: What now?

Lemmy: Don’t act like a moron, I’m just reading the votes. Wario!

Wario: What a surprise!

Lemmy: The next vote is for Iggy!

Iggy: Again?

Lemmy: Just shut up and let me read the rest of the votes. Wario!

Wario: How many more?

Lemmy: There are two more votes left. Wario!

Wario: What about the last vote?

Lemmy: The final vote goes to... Roy? Roy has immunity!

Bowser: I voted him off anyway!

Lemmy: Vote for someone else!

Bowser: How about Iggy?

Lemmy: Okay, then, Iggy has 4 votes to Wario’s 3. Iggy, you have been voted off. Hit someone you feel is
responsible for your voting off on the head with your stick.

Iggy hits Bowser on the head with his stick.

Lemmy: Now get in the cannon!

Iggy gets in the cannon.

Lemmy: Iggy, the mass has spoken.

BOOM! Iggy gets blasted off through the same Pizza Hut sign that Toad, Luigi, The King, Waluigi, Peach and Mario had gone through.

Lemmy: You can head back to your fake... I mean... island.

Iggy, Paperweight: Roy is a loser! What a cheater! Bowser must be working with him. I thought I had a good chance to win this thing, but thanks to that loser and cheater Roy Koopa, I don’t even get to join in on the jury. Fixed game, that’s what.

Who voted for who?
Bowser: Iggy (wanted to vote off Roy, but was sick of Iggy)
Iggy: Wario (feels that Wario is the strongest)
Larry: Susan (you know why)
Ludwig: Wario (feels that Wario is a major threat to his genius)
Morton: Wario (afraid that Wario could defeat the whole Koopa Troop later)
Roy: Iggy (Iggy hates him the most of any of the others)
Susan: Ludwig (sick of Ludwig’s genius)
Wario: Iggy (alliance with Roy and Yoshi)
Wendy: Ludwig (annoyed to death by Ludwig)
Yoshi: Iggy (alliance with Roy and Wario)

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