Larry, Spy: One bad thing about voting off Susan- I can’t complain about her anymore!

Roy, Heavyweight Contender: Now that I have realized a win is for sure, I can do whatever I want to anyone I
want!

Roy kicks Wendy in the back.

Wendy: What was that for?

Roy: No reason, I just have my own immunity!

Wendy, Beauty Queen: I told everyone he cheats.

Wendy: Hey, Roy, I have some advice for you.

Roy: What’s that?

Wendy: Cheaters never-

Roy: I know, I know, cheaters never lose.

Wendy, Beauty Queen: Shut up, Roy, just shut up!

Stupid Cameraman: I have a message for you, Wendy.

Wendy, Beauty Queen: What?

Stupid Cameraman: We have to pull off a publicity stunt to boost our ratings, so the producer told me to tell you to go around in your birthday suit because it’s your birthday.

Wendy, Beauty Queen: First of all, if you haven’t noticed, Koopas don’t wear clothes! And it isn’t even my birthday!

Stupid Cameraman: I’ll get fired by the producer if you don’t do it!

Wendy, Beauty Queen: I can’t do anything anyway, so leave me alone!

Ludwig, Genius: Now that we have lost twice to the Roy-Wario-Yoshi alliance, we need a new strategy: vote
off Roy or get voted off ourselves!

Morton, Philosopher: Mmm mmph! Mm mmph-

(Ludwig takes the tape off.

Morton, Philosopher: -to tear Roy’s tonsils out!

Morton: Thank you, Ludwig.

Ludwig: You’re welcome. Hey, that was the shortest sentence you ever said!

Morton: Only if you count “That moron!” as a fragment, which is not a true sentence and not a complete
thought, though it really is a complete thought, it is officially a fragment and not a sentence.

Ludwig: But when did you say “That moron!”?

Morton: Right before you took the tape off.

Bowser, Tyrant: My voting seems to always be spoiled by the fact that someone has immunity. Why do people have to earn immunity? It’s not fair!

Wario: Okay, Yoshi, you want some food?

Yoshi: Okay, why would Wario even ask that question?

Wario: Good. Now just go run over that dumb bridge and steal it off those stupid workers over there!

Yoshi: Yoshi on Mario Gang. Yoshi can’t do that!

Wario: Yoshi only used to be on Mario Gang. Wario needs food. Wario will go crazy if Wario gets no food! Get Wario food, Yoshi!

Yoshi, Food Analyst: Wario already crazy to be talking like Yoshi. Wario needs to lose more weight. Yoshi
want food for Yoshi’s self, so Yoshi will get food just for Yoshi.

Yoshi goes to the workers who are eating donuts and eats the entire box. Then he steals all the juice on the table and drinks it. Finally, Yoshi knocks over some of the workers and they fall into the lava. Yoshi goes back to Wario.

Wario: No food for Wario! Aaaaaah! Wario is going crazy! Wario needs food!

Yoshi, Food Analyst: Yoshi still hungry!

Some loser comes to bother the Moron Mob with news about something stupid.

Loser: Hey, everyone, I have a message about your dumb, I mean stupid reward challenge!

Roy: Go ahead.

Loser: Here I go!

If you are very quick with a hammer,
You can cause the others to have clamor.
If you are the one who does not lose,
You will spend tonight on a cruise!

Roy: Wow! An actual cruise! Hey, everyone, whoever wins this next reward challenge gets to go on a cruise!

Wendy: A cruise? Yes!

Larry: I wonder what kind of ship it is and where the winner would be going?

Loser: The challenge is in five minutes! That’s all for me! I quit!

Stupid Cameraman: We’ll have to hire another loser or imbecile to take his place.

Ludwig: Another challenge already? There seems to be two every three days!

Bowser: There are two every three days, smart one!

Ludwig: Don’t call me “smart one”; call me “genius”!

Bowser: You don’t tell your dad Bowser what to do!

Ludwig: Why not?

Bowser: I’ll tell you why.

He spits a fireball out of his mouth.

Ludwig: Ouch! Don’t spit fireballs at me!

Wario: Food! FOOD! I need food! Wah hah hah hah! I need food!

Yoshi, Food Analyst: And help.

Wendy: Let’s go to the dumb, or, um, stupid reward challenge!

Roy: What’s the difference?

Wendy: The producer wants us to say “stupid” instead of “dumb” so he can earn more money.

Roy: He?

Wendy: She.

Roy: She?

Wendy: It! Now let’s go!

The eight losers go to a large court with a big target in the middle of it. There are tons of hammers in a row in front of them.

Lemmy: Welcome to our dumb- I mean, stupid reward challenge!

Roy: What is this obsession with stupid and not dumb?

Lemmy: Today’s challenge is to throw your hammer at the target. Whoever gets closest to the target wins a
cruise on an ship.

Wendy: Yes!

Lemmy: Now who’s going first?

Wendy: I’ll go first.

Wendy’s hammer goes ten yards past the target.

Lemmy: Pathetic. Next.

Morton’s hammer goes twenty yards past Wendy’s hammer.

Lemmy: Pitiful. Next.

Larry’s hammer goes sixty yards past Morton’s hammer.

Lemmy: Poor. Next.

Roy, Bowser, Ludwig and Wario throw their hammers even farther than Larry’s hammer. Finally it is Yoshi’s
turn.

Lemmy: Go, Yoshi!

Yoshi drops his hammer.

Lemmy: What a throw! Yoshi wins by being only five yards away from the target! Congratulations, Yoshi! Now choose someone to go with you on your trip.

All Koopas: Pick me!!!

Yoshi: Yoshi choose Wario.

Wario: Me? What a surprise! I thought you’d never pick me. Wow! Yoshi, you’re such a pal. This is so exciting. I can’t believe you picked me out of all these lousy losers! Thanks so much, Yoshi!

Lemmy: Okay, okay, you don’t have to fake it.

Yoshi: Yoshi want food on ship!

Lemmy: We’re too cheap to give you food on the ship!

Yoshi: Yoshi throw a fit if Yoshi get no food!

Lemmy: Okay, okay, Yoshi will get food on the ship. But this will hurt our budget!

Wario: Wario wants food! Wario needs food! Wario is going absolutely bonkers because he has no food! Wario is crazy about food! Wario needs to eat before Wario becomes a complete lunatic!

Lemmy: You six losers, head back to your fake island. You two, come with me.

The six other losers go back to the island.

Lemmy: Your cruise is on this doomship that will be flying in the middle of the coldest part of Ice Land! You’ll have no pilot, no warmth, and no place to sleep on this ship! Your food is this apple that was sitting in my refrigerator the last three months. Enjoy!

Yoshi: No! No! No!

Wario: No food? AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!

Coming back from the reward challenge, the six losers find Bob-ombs blowing up their building. They find
only eight extremely small islands floating in lava.

Wendy: What’s going on here?

Bob-omb: Koopa Burnett, Lemmy and his crew didn’t make enough money off the poor ratings to pay for the rent of this building, so we’re repossessing it. We want it destroyed! Enjoy what you have left of it!

Bowser: This will be fun. Each one of us gets an island. Choose one!

Of course, none of the Koopas can make it to an island, so they all jump in the lava. Each one is roasting in the lava as he or she tries to make it to his or her own island. Finally, all of the Koopas make it to their islands.

Wendy: This is-

Wario: -Stupid!

Yoshi: At least the apple tasted good.

Wario: My apple! My apple! Wah hah hah hah! My apple!

Yoshi, Food Analyst: Wario is turning into a lunatic.

Wario, Strategist-turned-Lunatic: I am a lunatic! I want food! I get no food! I need food! I have lost over two hundred pounds and I am starving to death because I can’t take this not eating stuff. I am going crazy! Forget the game, this is about real survival! And what a reward. In the middle of Ice Land on a remote-controlled tiny doomship. Why did Yoshi pick me?

Yoshi: What a waste of a reward challenge!

Larry: I’m voting Susan off!

Roy: Susan isn’t here anymore, you lunkhead!

Larry: Then I’m voting Roy off!

Roy: How are you, Susan? How are you?

Wendy, Beauty Queen: Lava! That’s all I see anymore! Lava and lava monsters! That’s these losers who bathe in lava!

Ludwig, Genius: Forget this game, this is all about seeing who can withstand heat the best!

Morton, Philosopher: This contest has turned from trying to find food to sitting around doing nothing to
getting sick of Roy to going to an island to going to separate islands to still getting sick of Roy.

Bowser: How many more days, Ludwig? How many more hours? How many more minutes? What about the seconds?

Ludwig: It will be two days, three hours, two minutes, and twenty-seven seconds if you don’t SHUT UP!

Yoshi: Yo shi is hun greee!

Wario: W ar i o is fr eeeeeee zzzzinggggg toooo dddeath!

BOOM! The doomship crashes, and the lunatic and the dinosaur go flying over large ice fields. Lemmy finds
them and picks them up.

Lemmy: Trying to escape, huh? Well, if I didn’t pick you up, you’d be enjoying the pleasant temperatures of
Ice Land, free from our game! Now you’re going back to the island, or, I mean, islands!

Wario: Islands?

Lemmy: The Bob-ombs came and blew the island into eight pieces.

Wario: Bob-ombs?

Lemmy: The Bob-ombs who came to repossess the building.

Wario: Repossess?

Lemmy: We didn’t pay to rent the building.

Wario: Pay?

Lemmy: Ratings are low.

Wario: Ratings?

Lemmy: The people who watch our dumb show, lunkhead!

Wario: Dumb?

Lemmy: I mean stupid!

Wario: That’s better.

Yoshi: Hey, Lemmy called Wario a lunkhead!

Lemmy: I know. I shouldn’t compliment Wario. I should be fair to all contestants.

Lemmy flies the lunatic lunkhead and the dumb dinosaur back to the mess of islands and lava.

Lemmy: Now leave!

Lemmy pushes Wario and Yoshi off the helicopter. They fall in the lava and take a lava bath.

Wario: Get me out of here!

Yoshi: Get Yoshi out!

Roy: What happened to you two?

Wario: We fell in the lava.

Roy: No, not that!

Wendy: He means what happened to make you so blue?

Wario: We froze on our doomship cruise in Ice Land.

Yoshi: One apple! One apple!

Roy: To eat? That’s torture!

Yoshi: What was worse was that the apple was a rotten one.

Roy: A rotten apple? I’m glad I lost!

Bowser: I’m not! I wanted a rotten apple even if it tasted horrible!

Yoshi: Actually it tasted good for a rotten apple.

Larry: What a waste! That isn’t fair to you!

Morton: I know. You didn’t get to feel the enjoyment that we felt when we saw that the building we called
home sweet home had been completely destroyed by a bunch of Bob-ombs.

Wario: That’s cheap. That’s dumb. That’s-

Stupid Cameraman: Stupid, not dumb!

Wario: Right. Stupid. That’s unreal.

Ludwig: I’m smart.

Wendy: Thanks for letting us know that, Ludwig! We really wanted to know that you are smart! We really care about your genius! We really-

Ludwig: Alright, I know, you just love how brilliant I am!

Wendy: You mean hate!

Ludwig: Don’t make me change my opinion of you!

Wendy: I’ll punch you if you don’t shut up!

Ludwig: Look, the one getting a punch will be you!

Roy: Now, now, don’t fight, I’ll do it for both of you!

Roy misses both of them and falls in the lava.

Roy: Get me out of here! I’m burning!

Wendy: Serves you right, moron!

Ludwig: You can enjoy your hot bath while we fight. I said I’m smart and you know it!

Wendy: Smart at what, you loser?

Roy jumps out of the lava and onto Ludwig’s small island. He then throws Ludwig into the lava.

Roy: Enjoy!

Some jerk uses a raft to make it into the lava.

Wendy: Why did you put your raft into the lava, and what do you want?

Jerk: I wanted to get over here to tell everyone about tomorrow’s immunity challenge.

Wendy: A poem?

Jerk: Nah. There’s just going to be a challenge with sneaking across a room with a Chain Chomp after you.

Larry: You mean like that dumb Mario Party game?

Jerk: Not quite. First of all, that game was in Mario Party 2, and second of all, it is across a pool of lava.

Ludwig: No more lava!

Bowser: How do we get across the lava?

Jerk: That’s your problem, not mine. Goodbye!

The jerk leaves.

Wendy: Some nerve. He wouldn’t read us a poem.

Larry, Spy: That game had to be from Mario Party.

Ludwig: I’m sick of being burned!

Bowser: We’re never told the instructions to the dumb, I mean, stupid games.

Roy: What’s with stupid and not dumb?!

Larry, Spy: That game had to be from the first Mario Party. I just know it! And where’s Susan? I need to tell her that I’M VOTING HER OFF!

Roy, Heavyweight Contender: For once I haven’t been set up to be voted off. Is that good or bad? And I think that was a Mario Party 2 game.

Larry: Roy, it was from the first one.

Roy: Mario Party 2!

Larry: 1!

Roy: 2!

Ludwig: 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10.

Roy: I don’t care if you can count to ten! That was a Mario Party 2 game and I know it!

Larry: It was from Mario Party 2! Now I remember! You always stunk at that game!

Roy: Hey, lay off on my skills. That doesn’t matter. What matters is that we have an immunity challenge today and I must win!

Larry: Why?

Roy: I was set up not to be voted off this time instead of being voted off! That’s bad luck!

Larry: Do you want to be voted off?

Roy: No, knucklehead, I just want immunity.

Larry: You mean you want the “Moron” necklace?

Roy: I’ll be a “Moron” again if it keeps me here. Hold on, I can’t be voted off! I almost forgot, the script writer will keep me here again!

Larry, Spy: So he thinks.

Wendy, Beauty Queen: I just realized, for the first time in 27 days, I’m so hungry I can’t take it one more day!

Ludwig, Genius: Food doesn’t matter to me. I’d rather have smarts than food.

Bowser: Hey, everyone, it’s time to go!

Wario: Food! The crash diet must end before Wario ends! Food! Give it to me, Yoshi! Give it to me!

Yoshi, Food Analyst: Wario not only a lunatic, Wario turning into Mario! And that’s worse! Much worse!

Morton, Philosopher: Where’s my line? Why didn’t I get one? I file a protest! I’m on strike! I want a nice, long line where I go on and on about something stupid, and I didn’t get to do that yet! Give me a line, I tell you! I’ll sue this dumb, er, I mean, stupid show for not letting me have a nice, long line where I go on and on about something stupid, and I didn’t get to do that yet!

Stupid Cameraman: Now you did!

Roy, Heavyweight Contender: Why is it stupid and not dumb?!

The eight remaining losers come to one side of a pool of lava and a Chain Chomp sleeping at the other end of it.

Lemmy: Give me that immunity necklace for morons, Wendy.

Wendy: I’m not a moron. Here, take the necklace.

Wendy hands the necklace to Lemmy.

Lemmy: Well, it seems like everyone’s still alive, so let’s get to the challenge. You have to make it from this side to the other side and grab the Koopa Shell with your name on it. Then you go back to the other side. Any questions?

Bowser: How do we get across the lava?

Lemmy: That’s your problem, not mine. Losers ready, go!

All eight jump in the lava and start to scream.

Larry: OW! What’s the point of this?

Wendy: OUCH! No point, really!

Roy: This isn’t fair!

Ludwig: Hey, what about that Chain Chomp?

The Chain Chomp grabs Larry, Wendy, Roy, and Ludwig out of the lava.

Lemmy: You four are out!

Morton: Hah hah! You have to remain quiet!

The Chain Chomp grabs Morton and pulls him out of the lava.

Morton: Wait a minute now, let me back in the lava!

Bowser grabs his Koopa Shell and jumps on the backs of Wario and Yoshi to help him get back. He then jumps on the side of the pool.

Lemmy: Bowser has won immunity!

Wario: What?

Yoshi: NO!

Lemmy: I’ll see you later tonight at the Mass Massacre! Goodbye for now!

Wario and Yoshi get out from the lava. The rest head back to their islands. Bowser holds the immunity
necklace in triumph.

Bowser: I’m the “Moron,” everyone!

Ludwig: We know already!

Bowser, Tyrant: My vote tonight is top secret.

Larry, Spy: Where’s Susan when I need her?

Ludwig, Genius: My smarts will carry me through tonight’s vote.

Morton, Philosopher: I still want a line! I still want a-

The screen goes black as the stupid cameraman cuts the tape.

Roy, Heavyweight Contender: There’s no way I can be voted off tonight.

Wario, Strategist-turned-Lunatic: FOOD!!!

Wendy, Beauty Queen: No worries tonight, even though I don’t have immunity. I want to go home!

Yoshi, Food Analyst: Yoshi still hungry!

The eight remaining losers file into their seats at the Mass Massacre. Susan also walks in and sits in her
seat.

Lemmy: This is our jury, who will decide who will win from the final two contestants. No stupid faces will be made at the jury. That means you, Larry!

Larry: Oh, sorry.

Lemmy: Tonight we will add one to the jury. Tell me, Bowser, considering you won immunity, is your vote
important?

Bowser: I can’t say.

Lemmy: Is it secret?

Bowser: I can’t say.

Lemmy: Do you have a vote?

Bowser: I can’t say.

Lemmy: Never mind, then. How about you, Wendy?

Wendy: Yes, I have a vote.

Lemmy: No, not that. Is your vote important?

Wendy: Maybe. I don’t know and I don’t care. Just let us vote!

Lemmy: Vote, then, losers!

Bowser goes to vote.

Larry goes to vote.

Ludwig goes to vote.

Ludwig: My vote is for Roy, because, well, he’s a loser, basically!

Morton goes to vote.

Morton: My vote is going to be cast for Wario, because he’s a lunatic!

Roy goes to vote.

Roy: My vote is for that absolute moron Ludwig. Enough said.

Wario goes to vote.

Wendy goes to vote.

Wendy: I’m voting for Roy, and that’s my final answer!

Yoshi goes to vote.

Lemmy: I’ll go tally the votes.

Lemmy goes and comes back.

Lemmy: Once... never mind. The first vote is for... Susan? Susan is on our jury, so no one may vote for her!

Larry: That’s my vote! Just change that vote to Roy!

Lemmy: Then we have one vote for Roy. The next vote is for... Roy!

Roy: What? Give someone else a vote!

Lemmy: The next vote is for, sorry Roy... Roy!

Roy: This is crazy!

Lemmy: The next vote is for Ludwig!

Ludwig: What?

Lemmy: Stop making comments and let me go on!

Ludwig: Alright!

Lemmy: Ludwig!

Ludwig: Wha- I mean- nothing.

Lemmy: Ludwig again! Roy 3, Ludwig 3. We have a vote for Wario!

Wario: Doesn’t matter.

Lemmy: The final vote is for... Bowser! Bowser has immunity! Who voted for Bowser?

Bowser: I did!

Lemmy: First of all, you have immunity and can’t be voted for, and second of all, you can’t vote for yourself!

Bowser: Then change that vote to Roy!

Roy: NO!!! My image of the script writer is shattered forever!

Lemmy: Roy, you have 4 votes to Ludwig’s 3. So, unfortunately for your friends, Ludwig stays and you go!

Ludwig: Is that an insult?

Lemmy: No, it isn’t, you lunkhead! Roy, smack that stick on Bowser’s head!

Roy: You don’t have to choose for me, you know!

Lemmy: Oops! I read ahead in the script again! Go ahead, Roy!

Roy smacks Bowser in the head with his stick.

Lemmy: Roy, get in the cannon.

Roy gets in and prepares for takeoff.

Lemmy: Roy, the mass has spoken.

BOOM! Roy flies through the same Pizza Hut sign that Toad, Luigi, The King, Waluigi, Peach, Mario, Iggy, and Susan had.

Lemmy: Head back to your dumb, I mean, stupid islands.

Roy, Heavyweight Contender: I can’t believe the script writer turned on me, his favorite Koopaling. Maybe all the others got on him for voting off Iggy before me, just because I’m in last in that fixed contest. At least I can always punch out the winner and steal the million coins. And what is with this stupid and not dumb?!

Who voted for who?
Bowser: Roy (couldn’t vote for himself but hated Roy more than Ludwig)
Larry: Roy (couldn’t vote for Susan but hated Roy over the Mario Party 2 incident)
Ludwig: Roy (Roy’s a loser in his opinion)
Morton: Wario (Wario’s a lunatic)
Roy: Ludwig (Ludwig’s an absolute moron in his opinion)
Wario: Ludwig (voting with Roy and Yoshi)
Wendy: Roy (that’s her final answer)
Yoshi: Ludwig (voting with Roy and Wario)

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