Larry, Spy: By now all you Survivor freaks have realized that I always say who’s going to be voted off. Whoever bothers me about Susan is the one who gets voted off. Well, this time I’m keeping it a secret, because the producer wants people to watch the whole hour and not just what I say.

Bowser: Hey, Morton, do you think people have ways of figuring out who’s going to be voted off?

Morton: Yes. There’s those people who go on www.isaysurvivorisforlosersbutreallyiamoneofthoselosers
whoishopelesslyobsessedwithsurvivorandwhohastoknowwhowillbevotedoffnext.com. Then there’s those people who take a trip to the producer’s home and force him to tell who is going to win. Then there’s those people who are so hopeless that they have to go to the site of the show’s taping and watch what happens so they can go tell all of their friends that they know who the winner is. Then there’s those people who have the script writer held hostage and are changing things in the script.

Bowser: You mean maybe Roy might come back?

Morton: Exactly. Precisely. Right.

Bowser: Let me at those fans! If Roy comes back, I’m leaving!

Wendy: Who’s that over there on the shore?

Bowser: It’s Roy!

Larry: No, it’s Lemmy with a message for us. Hey, someone get this boat headed for the shore.

Everyone stares at each other.

Larry: Well?

Bowser: One problem, Larry, ever since Ludwig left, our average IQ level dropped significantly. No one here quite understands the concept of a boat or the
shore.

Larry: Is everyone stupid? Let me try.

Larry pushes a button, causing the boat to shake violently.

Wario: Let me try!

Bowser: Oh no!

Wario guides the boat to the opposite shore, then makes it start to spin in circles.

Yoshi: Wario hopeless!

Larry: Everyone here’s hopeless without having someone with at least half a brain, and that’s Ludwig!

Wendy: So what about Ludwig? We don’t need him around. That’s why I voted him off.

Larry: Well, excuse me, but if you keep voting against us Koopalings, there will be none of us Koopalings
left!

Wendy: I’m going to outlast you here.

Larry: You’ll be the next one voted off!

Wendy: How will you do that?

Larry: Because in the name of Ludwig, I shall punish you!

Wendy: Larry, even if you were female, you would still be too pathetic to be a Koopa Scout.

Larry: Koopa Scout?! All I want is for you to be voted off, and by the way, you don’t make a good one
yourself.

Wendy: Do you want to make a bet on that?

Larry: Yes, I would, and besides, look at all the rest of our opponents staring at us.

Wendy: I don’t care about them. What I care about is-

Lemmy: Hey, losers! Come over here for our special reward challenge! It’s more of rewards than of a
challenge.

Bowser: That’s the problem. We can’t get over there.

Lemmy: Swim over here then!

Wendy: You had to bring that up!

Yoshi, Food Analyst: Yoshi want food at reward challenge, so Yoshi will throw protest if Yoshi doesn’t win!

Lemmy: Let’s go!

The six remaining losers crawl to the reward challenge burnt to a crisp. They find six seats and a Hammer
Brother at a table in front of them.

Lemmy: Hammer, you can take it from here.

Hammer: Welcome to our stupid auction. Lemmy is still recovering from yesterday’s big fall, so he asked me
to fill in. I see everyone’s enjoying the extremely hot temperatures.

Bowser: Right...

Hammer: You get three hundred silver coins each. These coins can’t be kept, because if you do, I will hit the
self-destruct button and they will explode on you. That way, you can’t steal them.

Larry: You had to think of everything.

Hammer: You will bid on different items I show you. You can choose to bid or not to bid. I know this might be difficult for your puny brains, for those of you who have brains, that is, but if you think hard enough, there may be a chance you might understand. Any questions?

Bowser: What’s a question exactly?

Hammer (ignoring Bowser): First item up for bids is a Hammer Brothers suit! I’m sure you all want this, right?

Everyone gives Hammer a vacant stare.

Hammer: Ten coins, anyone?

Hammer gets another vacant stare.

Hammer: Five coins, anyone?

Same vacant stare.

Hammer: Two coins, anyone?

Same stare.

Hammer: One coin, anyone?

You know by now.

Hammer: Fine then, no one gets this Hammer Brothers suit with four hamburgers that come with it.

Wendy: Arrrrgh...

Hammer: Next item up for bids: a Frog Suit! Ten coins?

Larry: That’s for me.

Hammer: Twenty coins?

Wendy: I want it!

Hammer: Thirty coins?

Bowser: Me!

Hammer: Forty coins?

Wario: Me!

Two hours later.

Hammer: Three hundred coins?

Morton: Me!

Hammer: Going once, going twice, sold! To Morton, a Frog Suit with no extra food with it for three hundred
coins!

Morton: But, but...

Hammer: Next item up for bids is a silver coin. Ten coins?

Bowser: Me!

Hammer: Going once, going twice, sold! To Bowser, one silver coin for ten silver coins!

Wendy: What a brain.

Hammer: Next I have a trip to Desert Land with Roy and Mario. This one will start out at fifty coins.

Wendy grabs Larry’s hand and raises it.

Hammer: All right, Larry for fifty coins. Sixty?

Larry: Huh?

Hammer: Going once, going twice, sold! To Larry, a trip to Desert Land with Roy and Mario for fifty coins!

Larry: NO!!!

Hammer: You’ll take that trip as soon as this auction is over. Now up for bids is a Pikachu!

Wendy: What the heck is a Pikachu?

Hammer: Ten million losers in the universe love Pikachu! Of course, on the planet of Plit, if we saw it, we would mercilessly, violently, ferociously, viciously destroy it, but there are some who would embrace such a creature. Who wants to bid ten coins on it?

All six raise their hands at the same time.

Hammer: Morton, you’re out. The rest of you can fight over it. Here it is!

Hammer throws the Pikachu at the six remaining losers. Of course, all six purposely miss catching it. The
Pikachu gets up and tries to shock the losers, but Bowser throws the creature all the way to Desert Land.

Hammer: Poor pathetic pitiful creature. I feel even worse for the people in Desert Land who have to look
at such a stupid sight of a dead Pikachu. Now on to our next item, a Sony PlayStation 2!

Lemmy: Cut! Cut! We can’t have another company get sponsored on this show. You have to auction off a
Nintendo Game Cube.

Hammer: But I don’t have a Nintendo Game Cube with me!

Lemmy: Buy one!

Hammer: I don’t have the money.

Lemmy: Skip it and move on to the next item!

Hammer: How about some nice lava?

Lemmy: Nah! No one wants that. Choose something else.

Hammer: What about some sledge hammers?

Lemmy: They might throw them at each other. If someone got killed, I’d get sued. Let’s not choose that
either.

Hammer: How about this pile of hamburgers?

Lemmy: Now you’re talking. Try to auction them off.

Hammer: The final item up for bids is a pile of hamburgers!

Everyone besides Morton: Yes!

Morton: No!

Hammer: Ten-

Yoshi: Three hundred coins! Thank Hammer very much!

Yoshi hands his 300 silver coins to Hammer and eats all the hamburgers in front of the other losers, who sit there in shock.

Hammer: That’s all for today. And now, I must now admit to you all that this is my final television appearance, I am retiring from the business after this show’s broadcast, and I will now wander around the Mushroom World like an absolute loser, just waiting for Mario to battle and defeat me.

Lemmy: Who cares?! No one cares about you, everyone just cares about those hamburgers Yoshi just ate!

Yoshi: Yoshi still hungry!

Bowser: I want those burgers! Give them to me!

Lemmy: By the way, Larry, Hammer is going to take you in his helicopter with Roy and Mario to Desert Land to spend the night. I hope you enjoy it!

Larry: Fun, fun, fun. Wait a minute! I won’t be able to fit in the helicopter! I guess I won’t be able to go!

Lemmy: Tie this string around your wrist. I’ll tie the other end of it to the helicopter.

Larry: What if the string snaps?

Lemmy: Then you’ll be disqualified! Ha ha ha! So long, Larry!

Larry: THIS ISN’T FAIR!!! I don’t want to go! I was forced into this dumb thing by Wendy!

Lemmy: Too bad, even if you were forced into it.

Wendy: Goodbye, Larry! Ha ha ha!

Morton: Farewell to my least annoying brother.

Larry: But, but, but, I won’t be able to make it to Desert Land hanging by a thread! Morton, come help me!

Morton: Enough of my sentimentality and emotionalness. Good riddence, Larry!

Larry, Spy: Torture is my reward. Torture, not a reward of food! I’m stuck hanging by a thread on my way to spend a night in Desert Land. I’ll have to deal with Roy and Mario being morons the whole time. Not only will I not be able to get any sleep because the temperature will be extremely high, I won’t be able to have any relaxation the whole time I will be there. I won’t have any fun, and I won’t have any rest. This is torture! TORTURE!

Bowser: I can hear Larry enjoying himself already.

Wendy, Beauty Queen: Finally, a night without Larry! And he said he would punish me! Ha! Who’s being
punished?!

Wario, Strategist: I think Wendy’s gone a little overboard with her Sailor-

Wendy: What did you say, Wario? Want to break up our alliance?

Wario: No, but-

Wendy: But what? You want to criticize me?

Wario: Well, I-

Wendy: The alliance is done!

Wario: Yoshi and I can survive on our own anyway.

Wendy: Do you really think you’ll survive?

Wario: Yeah, we can survive anyway!

Wendy: Do you want to make a bet?

Wario: Sure, why not?

Wendy: How many coins?

Wario: How about, uh, um, wait a minute, I don’t have any coins!

Wendy: What do you mean?

Wario: I don’t have any coins!

Wendy: Bet the coins we’ll win if we’re voted off early!

Wario: All right, I will!

Stupid Cameraman: Excellent! Great! Two fights in the same day! Beautiful! Spectacular! Great! Beautiful!
Excellent! Spectacular! Ha ha ha! We’ll make millions!

Wario: He’s gone crazy, all right.

Wendy: Even crazier than you.

Wario: Want to make a bet?

Wendy: Want to start that again?

Larry holds on to the bottom of the helicopter for dear life. Roy cuts the line that is tied to Larry. Larry holds on to the bottom of the helicopter even tighter to make sure that the grease Roy is pouring at him doesn’t make him slip. Finally, the helicopter arrives in Desert Land.

Hammer: We’re here at last!

Roy chases Larry around the desert while Mario starts dancing around like a moron in the middle of the
desert. Hammer just laughs at them.

Larry: Hey, look, there’s that Pikachu!

Roy: What Pikachu?

Larry: That one right there Dad threw here.

Roy: So what?

Larry starts to feel how Iggy feels when he gets beat up all the time.

Larry, Spy: Some reward!

Wendy, Beauty Queen: Larry’s not here! Yes- oh, wait a minute, Morton’s still here. We’re not free yet.

Morton, Philosopher: I have a qualm that my presence is inadmissible on this ferry and that my chatter may
antagonize the others who are attempting to prevail in this competition. It may invoke my being voted off.

Wendy, Beauty Queen: I think someone'd better take away his grammar book and thesaurus, because Morton is really getting annoying!

Bowser: What happened to Larry?

Wario: He went on a business trip.

Yoshi: Yeah, Roy and Mario are getting in Larry’s business.

Bowser: Is he coming back?

Wario: Hopefully not.

Yoshi: Probably Larry will bring Roy and Mario with him.

Hammer flies the helicopter in with Larry, Roy, and Mario in the helicopter.

Wario: Who’s that in there?

Hammer: Larry, Roy, and Mario decided to come in with me.

Yoshi: Yoshi knew it! Yoshi knew it! The script writer couldn’t resist and brought back Roy again.

Roy: I’m back, everyone!

Bowser: Run for cover!

Roy: What’s the matter? I’m better than Ludwig.

Wario: What are you doing here?

Roy: Hammer brought me with him to your dumb boat.

Wario: Well, tell Hammer to take you back to Desert Land.

Roy: I wouldn’t tell him to take me anywhere. I wouldn’t want to be anywhere but here. So, no, I’m not telling him to fly me away.

Wario: Call the police!

Wendy: Guess what? That loser Mario is here too.

Mario: My new name is Sorry-o.

Bowser: At least that sounds better than Waluigi! Ha ha ha! Oof!

Wario punches Bowser in the chest.

Wendy: Hammer, take these losers wherever you want EXCEPT HERE!

Hammer: This helicopter is broken down! We’ll have to stay for a while. We’ll stay for quite a while, in fact. Long enough for you six to think about relocating to another lava lake.

Wendy: I have already been thinking about leaving. I just never get enough votes!

Larry: I’ll vote you off!

Wendy: I don’t need your help. What I need to do is vote the rest of you losers off and win myself. Then I’ll win and you’ll lose and I’ll laugh and you’ll cry and I’ll get to leave you losers once and for all one million coins richer!

Larry: You’re cruel, and mean, and ugly-

Wendy: Spend some more time with Mario. Maybe his intellect will rub off on you.

Larry: Why don’t you spend more time with Roy? Then we’ll no longer have to worry about you because you
couldn’t stand a beating by Roy like Iggy and I can!

Wendy: You’re not smart enough to know which one of us is Roy.

Stupid Cameraman: Cut the tape right here! This fight is dumb! It doesn’t really have a purpose; it’s just a
random fight. If you want us to make money on this sitcom, er, uh, I mean, reality show, you’ve got to make it out to be a fight you would actually have.

Wendy: This is a fight we’re actually having!

Stupid Cameraman: Ohhh! So it is! I never noticed it the whole time.

Hammer gets the helicopter to start to work again.

Hammer: It’s working! It’s working! Come on, Roy and Mario, we need to get away from these morons!

Roy: They’re rubbing off on me!

Mario: Not me! I’m as brilliant as ever.

Hammer: Ohhh! So you are! We can go now, Roy and Mario!

Roy and Mario jump in the helicopter as it takes off.

Wendy: ROY’S GONE!!!

Yoshi: MARIO’S GONE!!!

Bowser: HAMMER’S GONE!!!

Larry: I’M NOT!!!

Wendy: So close to perfect. Hey, what’s Lemmy doing over there?

Lemmy is throwing circus balls at the boat, but they all keep missing.

Wario: What’s he trying to do?

Lemmy: Get that boat over here!

Wario crashes the boat onto the shore.

Lemmy: Not like that! Now that you crashed onto the shore, you won’t be able to get this cheap boat going
again!

Wendy: As if we care...

Lemmy: Look, your dumb immunity challenge is about racing go-karts. That’s all I can say.

Wendy: Well, that’s another loss for me. Wario, Bowser, and Yoshi did this before. That’s a cheap challenge, and there’s no poem to it!

Lemmy: You voted off the poem last week. It went on strike. It will never appear on this show again unless the producer signs it to a five-year, 25 million coin contract, and we don’t have that kind of money to give it! So no poem! There’s no need for a poem anyway.

Wendy: There’s no need for a host!

Lemmy: There’s no need for an annoying sister!

Wendy: You’re usually nice to me, but the last two days, everyone’s been mean to me! I can’t understand why!

Bowser, Tyrant: Neither can I...

Colby: I know everyone wants to get rid of Jerri, but the right vote’s for Elizabeth.

POOF!

Larry: What happened?

Wendy: Another one of your reoccuring Sailor Moon nightmares?

Larry: No, this one had something to do with a queen, a mouse, and cheese.

Wendy: You’re crazy.

Bowser, Tyrant: I think it’s time we give away who we’re voting off tonight.

Wario, Strategist: Even though everyone’s mad at Wendy, Morton will get voted off instead. She won’t even win immunity; she’ll just get lucky. How cheap!

Morton, Philosopher: ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ...

Wario, Strategist: Now there’s a real strategist!

Lemmy: Hey, everyone, time for the immunity challenge!

Wario: Wait a minute, Lemmy! The script writer must be running out of ideas, because it’s only 8:00 AM!

Lemmy: I don’t care! Let’s go, losers!

Bowser: Nothing doing. We’re staying right here.

Wario: I’m too tired anyway.

Lemmy: Fine, then. I will officially disqualify-

Wario: We’re on our way!

The six losers jump off the boat at the same time, all landing on their heads.

Lemmy: Ha ha ha! What poor jumping! Now get going!

Yoshi, Food Analyst: Stupid fixed challenges! Yoshi never win! Well, Yoshi better win this time!

Lemmy: Let’s go, losers! Hurry up!

The six losers are walking the wrong way.

Lemmy: The other way, losers!

The six losers walk into the lava and keep going.

Lemmy: Never mind those losers. I’ll come back for them in four hours.

Four hours later...

Lemmy: Oh no!

The six losers have sleepwalked across the lava and into the other side of town.

Lemmy: Now I’ll have to go get them in my helicopter.

Wario (seeing Lemmy in the helicopter): What do you want?

Lemmy: I want you to get in my helicopter so we can go to the immunity challenge.

Bowser: What if we don’t feel like it?

Lemmy: Then it’s too bad that you’ll lose automatically.

Bowser: I’m coming!

Lemmy: Let’s go, losers!

The six remaining losers arrive at a huge racetrack with sections of each Mario Kart 64 racetrack in it. Lemmy starts to crack up when he looks at it.

Lemmy: I wonder how many of you will survive this... ha ha ha ha ha!

Bowser: Let’s just get our karts and go!

Lemmy: There’s one catch to this race: winning isn’t everything. Each kart will have three balloons. If
before your three-lap race is over all your balloons are gone from others using items on you or hitting you
hard to get rid of them one by one, you’re out automatically.

Bowser: Translation...

Lemmy: You can’t run out of balloons.

Bowser: Better.

Lemmy: To win immunity, you must win the race with at least one balloon remaining. Choose a random kart and let’s go!

Wario, Strategist: I’ll use this tool to let the air out of the tires of one of the karts.

Wario lets the air out of the tires of one of the karts. While he is doing this, all the other karts are taken up.

Wario: Wait! Wait!

Lemmy: Losers ready, go!

Wario’s kart doesn’t start because its tires don’t have any air in them.

Wario: No fair!

Lemmy: You’re out!

The five other karts head for a tunnel and then head past mole holes. One of the Monty Moles takes out one
of Morton’s balloons.

Morton: Stupid Monty Mole! This is no fair for me! Monty Mole, get out of my way! You are going to make me lose!

The four other karts take a pretty sizable lead over Morton as they go onto a beach with crabs and a
shortcut tunnel. Bowser goes for it and misses it, costing him a balloon.

Bowser: WHAT? YOU DON’T LOSE A BALLOON FOR HITTING A WALL!

Lemmy: But in this race, you do! Ha ha!

Bowser, Tyrant: Stupid fixed race and challenge!

Morton is able to catch up to the other four, who avoided the crabs nicely, as did Morton himself. Then they cross train tracks. Bowser, being behind, gets nailed by the train, costing him a second balloon.

Bowser: NOT AGAIN, LEMMY?! NO!!!

Lemmy: Ha ha! He can’t race!

The five other karts go onto a turnpike with moving cardboard rectangular boxes painted like trucks, buses,
and cars. Bowser, of course, hits the first one he sees and loses his final balloon, knocking him out of
the competition.

Morton (turning around singing to Bowser): Na na, na na na na, hey hey hey, good-

Morton crashes into a snowman.

Morton: Stupid snowman!

Wario takes a big lead as the karts go onto a huge mountain made of chocolate. Yoshi stops to eat the
chocolate as the others charge ahead. Morton then crashes right into a sign that says “Mario, you’re a
moron. Go away!”.

Lemmy: Morton, you’re out!

Morton: Stupid Mario!

Lemmy: It’s “Moronic Mario”, not “Stupid Mario”, for your information!

Morton: Stupid, moronic, imbecilic, idiotic- same difference!

Wario’s lead becomes even bigger as the karts go over dirt jumps and bumps. Wendy gets a blue shell and lets it go.

Wendy: Go get Wario, blue shell!

The blue shell suddenly stops and a Spiny comes out.

Spiny, Turtle With Spikes: If the poem won’t work without a contract, then neither will I without a contract! I want a contract!

Wendy: There go my, er, uh, I mean, our chances!

Wario heads past penguins on his way to a goal, I mean, he heads past the Pittsburgh- never mind. The
other karts have trouble with the penguins, and Wendy is even knocked into the ice water before she can use her Lightning Bolt. She does, eventually, use it, but she saves it for later.

Wendy, Beauty Queen: Hey, don’t give away the ending! And by the way, Stupid Mario Lemieux! Ice water is
cold!

The four karts head over a huge jump over water. Wario loses control and hits the water, losing one of his
balloons and putting him into a four-way tie with the rest. After heading past Peach’s Castle, Larry hits a wall, losing one of his balloons and putting him a little further back than the rest and into last place. Wario is flattened by a Thwomp, losing the second of his balloons and sending him back further in the race. Even worse, he only gets a Green Shell. Wendy and Yoshi take the lead. Larry is third after passing Wario. He then turns around and uses a Red Shell. Fortunately for Wario, Wario turns past Larry, and the shell hits Larry instead. Larry and Wario are both down to two balloons.

Wendy, Beauty Queen: Time for my part!

BOOM! A lightning bolt used by Wendy hits both Larry and Wario, sending them out of competition, but misses Yoshi, who had used a Boo at the time. Yoshi had stolen a Green Shell Wario had. Yoshi then uses the Green Shell on Wendy, who was right behind him. Wendy lost her first balloon, while Yoshi took first place after the Green Shell use.

Wendy: I’ll get you yet, overgrown dinosaur!

Yoshi: Yoshi would like to see you try, you imbecile!

Wendy, Beauty Queen: Why, that imbecile...

Yoshi heads over a long jump and through a jungle and over a bridge easily. Wendy has a little trouble
crossing the bridge, as she missed it and goes into the water, losing a second balloon. After making it
past a giant egg, Yoshi zooms past ghosts and bats in a haunted house to make it to a road with rainbow
colors on it. He hurries and crosses the finish line, using a Mushroom boost.

Lemmy: Congratulations, Yoshi!

Yoshi (stopping his kart): Yoshi won?

Lemmy: No, idiot, that was lap one! But good job on the first lap!

Yoshi, Food Analyst: Yoshi going to stop a little bit ahead on this road.

Yoshi stops in the tunnel. A Chomp nails Wendy, taking out her final balloon.

Wendy: NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Lemmy: Yoshi wins immunity!

Yoshi races back to accept his “Moron” necklace.

Yoshi: Yoshi won, everybody! Yoshi won! Yoshi is the best!

Wendy: Aw, shut up, stupid dinosaur...

Bowser, Tyrant: Tonight’s vote will take a lot of strategy and thinking on my behalf and common sense
from Lemmy saying, “Change your vote!”.

Larry, Spy: First Susan, now Wendy; I can’t take it anymore!

Morton, Philosopher: If I leave tonight, it will be a tragedy for my team, as they will be completely lost in their vocabulary and grammar skills, and they will not be able to hear my charming voice anymore, and they will not be able to see my charming self anymore, and everybody will be sad without me, and everyone will want to see me again, and are you out of tape?

Wario, Strategist: My game with Wendy is done.

Wendy, Beauty Queen: First Roy, now Larry; I can’t take it anymore!

Yoshi, Food Analyst: Yoshi still hungry!

The six remaining losers trudge into their seats past Lemmy, who is now out of his wheelchair and back on
his ball. In come the three losers who have been voted off, Susan, Roy, and Ludwig. All three hold up clenched fists at the remaining losers. The losers who are still there pick up rocks...

Lemmy: Wait a minute! We can’t have violence on this show or we’d have to change the rating from TV Boring to TV MA.

Okay, so they didn’t hold up clenched fists or pick up rocks. They just smiled happily at each other and gave
each other hugs.

Lemmy: Now we’ll have to change the rating to TV Y7.

Make up your mind! Never mind that. What’s next? Oh, yes, the voting.

Wendy: Even the script writer is running out of energy from all these days. Give us food, Lemmy! Better yet,
tell the script writer to give us food!

NO!

Lemmy: Stop talking to the contestants so I can speak.

Okay, go ahead.

Lemmy: Wendy, everyone hates you. How does that make you feel?

Wendy: Great!

Lemmy: Morton, has anyone attacked you yet?

Morton: Well, Lemmy, I can’t say that they have, but they have been mighty close... or maybe not that close,
but they were pretty close... it all depends on your definition of close, I suppose, but-

Lemmy (ignoring Morton): And you, Yoshi?

Yoshi: Is Lemmy kidding?

Lemmy: No, I’m... oh, on with the votes!

Bowser goes to vote.

Morton goes to vote.

Larry, Spy: Hey, what about me?

Whoops! Sorry! Go ahead, Larry!

Larry goes to vote.

Larry: My vote is for Wendy. If you don’t know why I’m voting her off, then how can you call yourself a fan of this show?!

Morton already went to vote.

Wario goes to vote.

Wario: Of course my vote is for Morton because he talks way too much.

Wendy goes to vote.

Wendy: My vote is for Larry. If you... see above.

Yoshi goes to vote.

Lemmy: I’ll send Hammer to tally the votes for me.

As Hammer walks across the bridge, the boards crack and Hammer falls through. He returns with the votes in a wheelchair three hours later.

Hammer: Here’s the votes, Lemmy!

Lemmy: Thanks for taking my fall, Hammer! Now for the votes! The first vote is for... Wendy!

Larry: No kidding.

Lemmy: The second vote is for... Larry!

Wendy: No kidding.

Lemmy: The third vote is for... Morton!

Morton: That vote can’t be for me! It can’t, it can’t, it can’t, it can’t, it can’t, it can’t, it...

Lemmy: The fourth vote is also for Morton!

Morton: ... Can’t, it can’t, it can’t, it...

Lemmy: The fifth vote is for... Bowser!

Morton: ... Can’t... wait a minute, that’s my vote! I voted for Dad! That’s right!

Bowser: Huh? Morton? How could you?

Lemmy: Two votes for Morton, one vote for Wendy, one vote for Larry, one vote for Bowser, and the final
vote is for... Lemmy?! Dad, I know this is you, and you can’t vote for me!

Bowser: Lemmy, the mass has spoken.

Lemmy: Oh no, I’m not voted off. I didn’t even get enough votes! Just change your vote and make it snappy!

Bowser: Morton, although for the others voted off I changed my vote to them, and even though you voted for me, I will be kind to you and place my vote for Wario.

Morton: Thanks a lot, Dad!

Lemmy: Morton, you have been voted off anyway!

Bowser: Ha ha ha! Sweet revenge on Morton! Ha ha ha!

Lemmy: Since you had more votes than Wario and the rest, Morton, you have been voted off anyway! Now you must choose who to-

WHAP! Morton hits Bowser on the noggin with his stick.

Lemmy: Get in the cannon, Morton.

Morton hops in.

Lemmy: Morton, the mass has spoken.

BLAST! Morton flies through that same 'ol sign for Pizza Hut that Toad, Luigi, The King, Waluigi, Peach,
Mario, Iggy, Susan, Roy, and Ludwig had flown through and into the red hot lava!

Plit: YES!!!

Morton, Philosopher: No!

Stupid Cameraman: That’s all?

Morton, Philosopher: Oh, it’s time for me to go off? Well, here I go!

Stupid Cameraman: Oh, brother.

Morton, Philosopher: This whole show is hopeless and pointless and I feel it should be taken off the air and Bowser is a loser for getting me voted off by his backward strategies and Lemmy shouldn’t have let him vote me off and I feel that Wendy isn’t as beautiful as she says that she is beautiful and that Susan is a
pain in the neck and the back and the knee and the toe and the hangnail and Roy is too punchy and Mario is a moron and Luigi wets himself more than should be allowed by law and that Peach is ugly and that she
should be thrown out of her castle and that even Daisy is a better choice for princess and that Nintendo is
stupid for not allowing us Koopalings to be in any games or in any cartoons or in any comics or in any
commercials and that Baby Bowser is stupid and that I am just a wiggly worm in a sea of Koopas and that
Desert Land is dry and that I don’t talk enough. Ouch! This lava hurts!

Who voted for who?

Bowser: Wario (backward strategy to get rid of Morton)
Larry: Wendy (sick of Wendy)
Morton: Bowser (sick of Bowser’s bad votes)
Wario: Morton (he talks too much, some strategy involved)
Wendy: Larry (sick of Larry)
Yoshi: Morton (voting with Wario)

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