Larry: I’m voting you off, Wendy!

Wendy: I hate you, Larry!

Larry, Spy: Well, at least she doesn’t love me...

Wario, Strategist: I can’t believe my strategy worked! I got in an alliance early on, and afterwards others
joined my alliance, and finally Yoshi and I have stayed together to this point. Now we must continue to
vote together and soon we will be the final two!

Yoshi: Yoshi hungry, Wario! Yoshi want food! Yoshi want it now! Give Yoshi food, Wario!

Wario, Strategist: Of course, not like I want Yoshi to be with me in the final two...

Yoshi: There must be food somewhere, Wario! Give it to Yoshi or Yoshi get angry and leave alliance!

Wario: Look, Yoshi, there isn’t any food on this motorboat. Come to think of it, there hasn’t been any food
since day seven! There isn’t any good food at challenges. In fact, there hasn’t been any good food at the reward places either. I came in weighing four hundred pounds, and I probably weigh a lot less now!

Wendy, Beauty Queen: I have realized that the producer must let me win or else all females will boycott this
show! We need a girl Koopa to win, and it might as well be me!

Bowser: Larry, sometimes I ask the universal questions of human nature, like-

Larry: Why isn’t there any food on this show? Why aren’t there real Koopa-and-Mario rewards on this show? Why isn’t there relaxation on this show? Why aren’t there real life-and-death situations on this show?

Bowser: No, no, not those, I mean-

Larry: Why is Ludwig smart? Why is Wendy annoying? Why is Yoshi hungry? Why is Wario fat?

Bowser: No, no, what I am talking about is those questions that are for everyone in the universe, like
“How do we deal with a tyrant?”.

Larry: That’s easy. We kill him.

Bowser: That’s all I wanted to know.

Larry: Say, King Dad, what’s your occupation? I’m a spy, and Wendy’s a beauty queen, but are you a king,
or the ruler of the Mushroom Kingdom, or what?

Bowser: I’m a tyrant.

Larry: That means...

Bowser: THAT MEANS THAT YOU WOULD KILL ME!

Larry: Well, King Dad, er, uh, well, not exactly, but...

Bowser: If there were Snifits around, or Piranha Plants, or Big Berthas, or Triclydes, I’D THROW YOU TO
THEM!

Larry: There’s no need for you throwing me into the lava.

Bowser: There is a need for me to throw you into the lava.

Bowser tosses Larry into the lava.

Bowser, Tyrant: I was testing him to see how he would react to my question, and he failed the test.

Larry: Get me out of here!

Bowser: Catch this anchor!

Bowser hits Larry with the anchor.

Larry: No fair!

Bowser: No fair?! I’ll tell you what’s no fair. It’s no fair to kill a tyrant!

Larry: But, but, but...

Bowser: Stay in that lava for a while.

Larry, Spy: I knew he would get upset at me over something.

Stupid Cameraman: Why do I have a feeling this show suddenly got stupider?

Bowser, Tyrant: It’s been getting slowly stupider, to the point that it’s really dumb now!

Stupid Cameraman: It’s completely pointless and moronic. I wonder who’s watching this?

Larry: Get me out of this lava!

Bowser: I told you to stay in there for a while.

Larry: But, but, but...

Wendy: Aren’t we supposed to have a reward challenge?

Bowser: Half of all the rewards we get are worthless, so I see no point in going to it.

Wendy: I just want to get away from this boring boat! Hey, there’s Lemmy. I wonder if he knows about the
challenge. (to Lemmy) Hey, Lemmy! Are we having a challenge?

Lemmy: Yes, we’re having one right now. Come with me.

Wario: What type of challenge is it?

Lemmy: You’ll see...

The five remaining losers arrive at the reward challenge, which looks just like Creepy Cavern. Of course, many Thwomps, Whomps, Boos and Piranhas are waiting for the unfortunate five losers, but they are out of sight from the five losers.

Bowser: What is this waste of time, Lemmy?

Lemmy: It’s your reward challenge. All you do is follow the path to the Millenium Star and give him these 20 coins I am giving to each of you. The first one to him wins! Simple, isn’t it?

Larry: Before I waste my time on this thing, what is it?

Lemmy: What, the Millenium Star?

Larry: NO! THE REWARD!!!

Lemmy: You get to spend a day in a house with all the comforts of home and food away from the rest of stupid society.

Larry: You mean, like Roy and Mario?

Lemmy: Yes, exactly.

Larry: YES! I WANT TO WIN FOR ONCE!!!

Wendy: Well, you don’t have to shout it!

Lemmy: Losers ready, go!

The five remaining losers trudge out into Creepy Cavern. Thwomps and Whomps trudge out into Creepy
Cavern right behind them. The losers are trapped.

Bowser: Let us through!

Whomp: Pay us coins!

Bowser: How many?

Thwomp: 20 coins.

Wendy: Hey, you can’t talk!

Whomp: Oor-oor!

Thwomp: Oor!

Wendy: That’s better. Let’s go!

Wendy tries to push over a Whomp, only to have it fall on top of her.

Wendy: Get off me!

Yoshi is able to scamper away from the Thwomps and Whomps, and he finds the Millenium Star first.

Millenium Star: Let me have your 20 coins!

Yoshi hands the Millenium Star 19 coins.

Millenium Star: You only have 19 coins! I need all 20!

Yoshi runs off looking for the one coin he is missing. He trips over something shiny on the ground, then gets up and keeps going. Of course, you probably all know that was the coin he dropped.

Larry: LET US OUT!

Wendy: Stop screaming!

Bowser: Come on, let’s move!

Wario: I’ll get us out!

Wario bumps into a Whomp, and the Whomp falls over. All of the other three run over Wario, running to the
Millenium Star. Wendy arrives first and gives the Millenium Star her 18 coins.

Millenium Star: Not enough coins!

Larry: How about my nineteen coins?

Millenium Star: Still not enough!

Bowser: I have 17!

Millenium Star: Still not enough!

Wario runs over.

Wario: How about nineteen coins?

Millenium Star: Not enough! Not even Yoshi had 20! You all lose!

Bowser: Wait a minute. I never dropped any coins. The rest didn’t drop any coins either. These are all the
coins I was given in the first place, so... LEMMY!

Millenium Star: Isn’t that just too bad? You all lose!

Wendy: Here’s an idea. Larry, give me two of your coins so at least I get to go on the one-day vacation.

Larry: Are you kidding? Why don’t you just let me have one coin so I can go on the one-day vacation?

Wendy: BECAUSE I WANT THE REWARD AND I WANT IT NOW!

Larry: So do I, but I don’t have a temper tantrum!

Wario: Let someone who knows what he’s doing have the reward, like me!

Wendy and Larry together: NO!!!

Wario: I guess that answers my question.

Wendy: You didn’t ask a question!

Bowser: Look! Here’s a coin right here! I got it! Now I have eighteen!

Millenium Star: Still not enough!

Yoshi comes running in.

Yoshi: Yoshi no find Yoshi’s coin.

Lemmy comes running in.

Lemmy: None of you were given twenty coins besides Yoshi, because I figured you could fight each other
for the coins and Yoshi wouldn’t be able to fight, so...

BOOM!

Lemmy: I have to go to the hospital now.

Lemmy leaves and Hammer rolls in with his wheelchair.

Hammer: I’ll auction the trip off to the highest bidder.

Roy and Mario come in with their coins.

Roy: Fifty coins!

Hammer: Anyone else?

Bowser: Nope.

Hammer: Anyone else?

Bowser: I said, “Nope.”

Hammer: Anyone else?

Bowser: How many times do I-

Hammer: Anyone else?

BOOM!

Hammer: I have to go to the hospital now.

Millenium Star: Give me your fifty coins, Roy.

Roy gives the Millenium Star fifty coins.

Millenium Star: You’re not going either! Ha ha ha!

Roy: Very funny. I want that vacation too!

Wendy: Why do you need it?

Roy: I’ve been having to stay with Mario for a while. I need that vacation!

Millenium Star: How about you all go play Mario Party 3 for that trip?

Wendy: When, now?

Millenium Star: Go back to your boat and come back tomorrow. I’ll explain then.

Wendy: Stupid. Very stupid.

Mario: What about me?

Millenium Star: You and Roy stay here.

Larry, Spy: That was the biggest bunch of nonsense I’ve ever had to take in one challenge.

Bowser, Tyrant: There comes a time when, having not eaten for 28 days and not eaten real food for 34 days, I just EXPLODE!

Wendy: What a waste, Wario. We did all that and we still didn’t win yet.

Wario: It’s nothing, Wendy. We’ll just play Mario Party 3 tomorrow.

Yoshi: Wait a minute, Wario! Yoshi hungry now, and Yoshi want to go on trip now!

Wario: Too bad we don’t get to go on the trip tonight, Yoshi. I’m hungry and I want rest!

Wendy: Did you notice that this is pointless, Wario? We’re sitting here for no good reason at all! The host
Lemmy and his good friend Hammer are both injured thanks to my dad. We sit here on a cheap, falling apart motorboat on a lake of lava in the middle of nowhere in a place I’ve never seen before with no food and water in the most boring place in the universe.

Wario: Don’t become like Morton, Wendy! I can’t take it! But remember, this boredom is the work of a script
writer.

Wendy: Hey, Wario, do you mean we can bribe him?

Wario: Exactly. But I don’t know how...

Yoshi: Give script writer food or money!

Wario: But what to give him... I have it! We give him the money we win at the end!

Wendy: Now that’s stupid. It’ll be over by then.

Wario: Very true. Hmmmm...

Larry: Today’s the day we get to play Mario Party 3!

Bowser: Today’s also the day I get to kill the Millenium Star!

Wario: Wait a minute. There are five of us and four can play. What do we do?

Wendy: Simple. One of us doesn’t play.

Yoshi: That would be Wendy.

Wendy: That wouldn’t be Wendy. That would be Yoshi.

Wario: Let’s just go!

The five remaining losers arrive at the reward challenge, which has a big screen TV and an N64 with four controllers and Mario Party 3 in the slot on the system. The Millenium Star is standing by the system and TV.

Millenium Star: Five of you are in the competition, but one of you is out of this challenge. That would be
Bowser or Wendy. You two finished with only 18 coins.

Bowser: You mean the challenge in Creepy Cavern?

Wendy: Yes, he means that challenge. We only finished with 18 coins in that game. Continue!

Millenium Star: I’ll flip this coin. Heads, Bowser is in, tails, Wendy is in.

The coin falls into a crack in the ground.

Millenium Star: Heads! Bowser wins!

Wendy: What?

Millenium Star: This game isn’t fair! Goodbye for now! The rest of you, play in Creepy Cavern!

Wario: I’m myself!

Yoshi: I’m myself!

Bowser: I’ll have to be Donkey Kong.

Larry: Who’s left?

Millenium Star: There’s that imbecile Waluigi, that moron Mario, that loser Luigi, pathetic Peach, and-

Larry: I guess I’m Daisy.

The Creepy Cavern music starts to play.

Bowser: How do you hit the block?

Larry: Hit the B Button, egghead!

Wario: You’re seriously wrong!

Larry: How?

Wario: You don’t hit the B Button, you moron! You hit the R Button!

Yoshi: How sad. Just hit the Z Button.

Bowser: What’s this, a map?

Wario: Looks like it. I told you to hit the R Button!

Bowser: I’m not moving!

Larry: Hit the B Button!

Bowser: Nothing happened because I don’t have an item or something.

Larry: Hit all the buttons at once!

BOOM! The game explodes!

Bowser: Nice going, Larry.

Millenium Star: I brought a back-up game just in case this would happen. This time, try the C-Up button.

The Creepy Cavern music starts to play again.

Bowser: C-Up is pointless. How about C-Down?

Larry: Nope. Try C-Right.

Bowser: Not that either.

Wario: How about C-Down?

Bowser: Nah. The L Button! That’s it!

Donkey Kong: Anakin! Anakin!

Bowser: He’s not here!

Yoshi: Try the Control Pad!

Bowser: That doesn’t work, but maybe the analog joystick works.

Wario: Nope. Hey, what’s this? Hit the A button to hit the block?

All at once: THE A BUTTON!!!

Wendy, Beauty Queen: Imbeciles.

Millenium Star: Now get going!

Bowser gets a zero.

Millenium Star: This game has serious bugs in it. Try another game that I brought with me. Maybe it will work right.

Bowser: Pokémon Crud?

Millenium Star: Wrong game again!

Bowser: Again?

Millenium Star: I mean, never mind what I mean. Here’s Mario Party 3. Try it again.

The Creepy Cavern music starts to play.

Bowser: I get it now! All I have to do is press the “A” button to hit the block!

After three hours of pain and torture from no one knowing what to do or how to play any of the games, all four end up with no Stars and no coins.

Game: The award for most coins in Mini-Games goes to... no one, because you all stink! No one ever had any coins, and no one landed on any ? spaces. Now just hit blocks to determine the winner!

All four end up with zeroes on their blocks.

Game: You stink so bad, you can’t get higher than a zero on your block! But since I’m nice, I’ll give you one more try at the blocks!

All four end up with zeroes on their blocks again.

Game: That’s it. You all lose. Go home, losers. Go home, imbeciles, to where no one will make fun of you.

Millenium Star: Then I guess that makes Wendy the winner of the one-day vacation!

Wendy: I WON!!!

Bowser, Tyrant: We all saw that one coming.

Millenium Star: Congratulations, Wendy, you get to go on a nice one-day vacation away from everyone else with food and relaxation!

Wendy: YES!!!

Larry: Shut up, Wendy.

Millenium Star: The rest of you get to look forward to a nice, boring night on your stupid motorboat on that stupid lava lake!

Bowser, Tyrant: Yippee...

Bowser, Tyrant: To say I’m disappointed with the way things turned out is an understatement.

Yoshi, Food Analyst: Yoshi is really hungry!

Wario, Strategist: My strategy is to figure out what tomorrow’s challenge is and train secretly for the challenge all by myself!

Larry, Spy: How are you going to train secretly when you’re on a lava lake, Wario?

Wario, Strategist: Stupid spy!

Lemmy: We don’t have any food to give to Wendy. In fact, we don’t have any food at all! Wendy will be furious!

Hammer: What do you expect? We’re both stuck in these wheelchairs until next Mass Massacre thanks to your stupid King Dad or whatever you call him. We can’t get up and buy food. We’re stuck here for good, or at least until tomorrow.

Lemmy: How will we tell the five remaining losers about their challenge?

Hammer: Simple. We don’t.

Lemmy: You think of everything.

The moronic Millenium Star takes Wendy to a horrible house that is falling apart for her stupid reward.

Millenium Star: Here’s your house for the next day.

Wendy: This piece of junk?! No food?! This isn’t fair! Are you kidding?!

Millenium Star: What? What’s wrong with it? We didn’t have food to give you, and the TV doesn’t exactly work, but although the air conditioner and heater don’t work and even though there’s no radio and there’s dry rot, termites, peeling wallpaper, and of course no bathroom, and no bed, wait a minute, this place is a dump!

Wendy: And this is my reward? Are you kidding?

Bowser, Tyrant: Moronic motorboat.

The motorboat is going in circles all by itself.

Larry: King Dad, the whole problem is that the boat was left on. I’ll press this button to turn it off.

BOOM! The motorboat explodes.

Wario, Strategist: Too many explosions!

Bowser: Nice job, Larry. Now we’re stuck in this lava! I bet Wendy is having a great time in her house! She’s probably in there eating food! We’re in here burning up!

Lemmy: Hey, losers, it’s challenge time!

Yoshi, Food Analyst: Lemmy always ruins a nice lava bath.

The four losers swim out of the lava.

The five remaining losers arrive at the immunity challenge (Wendy had joined them on the way there). The immunity challenge has a huge pizza and a field of snow.

Lemmy: Welcome, all you losers, to my wonderful immunity challenge! I know you’re just dying to eat this pizza! You’re actually probably just dying already! You’re dying from hunger! You’re dying from boredom! It’s over for you!

Wendy: Very funny. Very funny.

Lemmy: This challenge is very hard to explain, and even I don’t understand it, but here goes... In this challenge, you will eat this pizza to find a hole. Once you find the hole, put a baseball in the hole. Then you run to this field of snow and roll snowballs at each other. Actually, if you’re smart, you’d realize that you don’t even have to put a baseball in the hole. In reality, you don’t have to put a baseball in the hole if you’re not the first one to find the one hole. In fact, you don’t have to put a baseball in the hole at all, you just have to roll snowballs at each other and win that contest!

Bowser: What?

Lemmy: The producer is going crazy from all these stupid challenges and votes. He just threw a challenge together at the last minute. It makes no sense at all, so I have a better idea. Just do something simple: Go to the snow field and roll snowballs at each other to knock each other off.

Larry: You mean just like that Mario Party 3 mini-game?

Lemmy: Yes. Also, there’s this huge pizza. If you decide to skip the contest and lose any chance at immunity, just eat the pizza. Any questions?

Bowser: What’s wrong with the producer?

Lemmy: He’s gone crazy.

Bowser: So that’s why this seems so messed up!

Lemmy: That, and the script writer’s running out of ideas, so he decided to stall by making the producer go crazy for a challenge. Losers ready, go!

All five decide to eat the pizza.

Lemmy: NO! Someone’s got to win immunity!

Wario: We’re starving!

Lemmy: (Those horrible ingredients I made it out of should turn them off.) Get up here to the real challenge!

All five at once: YUK!!!

Lemmy: Now for the challenge!

The five remaining losers roll snowballs at each other. Wendy is knocked off first, then Larry, then Wario. It is down to Bowser and Yoshi.

Bowser: Come here, Yoshi!

Yoshi: Not on Bowser’s life!

Bowser: I’ll roll this huge one at Yoshi!

Yoshi dodges the huge snowball and rolls a small one back. The small one bumps Bowser lightly, but then he slips and rolls down the hill in his huge snowball that he had made before. Bowser rolls in his huge snowball past the pizza. As the others scream for him to stop, Bowser rolls in his huge snowball into the lava lake. The others chase him to the lava lake, where Bowser rolls in his huge snowball back and forth.

Lemmy: What’s with you?

Bowser: This snow is colder than the lava is hot!

Lemmy: So that’s why the snowball doesn’t melt! Here’s your immunity necklace, Yoshi!

Yoshi: Yoshi is the winner!

Wendy: I wonder if this is a sign...

Bowser, Tyrant: Time to finally make a correct vote...

Larry, Spy: Now I can either get rid of Wendy, or be gotten rid of myself. We’ll see...

Wario, Strategist: My strategy is to vote with Yoshi and get lucky with the “Bowser” variable...

Wendy, Beauty Queen: It’s destiny for me to win the contest or to lose tonight...

Yoshi, Food Analyst: Yoshi still hungry...

The five remaining losers trudge into the Mass Massacre past Lemmy, who is in a wheelchair again. Susan, Roy, Ludwig and Morton come in. Lemmy  goes out of control in the wheelchair and ends up going right into the fire. The five losers jump into the fire trying to save Lemmy. The other four jump into the mess and end up in a whole big mess.

Lemmy: Stop it, losers! Let’s vote, now that I’m all embarrassed!

Bowser goes to vote.

Larry goes to vote.

Larry: My vote is for Wendy, because she annoys me!

Wario goes to vote.

Wario: Yoshi won’t tell me who he’s voting for, so being afraid he’s voting for me, I’m voting off Larry!

Wendy goes to vote.

Wendy goes to vote... again?! Only one vote counts!

Wendy: I want to be rid of Larry, so I’m voting twice! Or else!

Anyway, Yoshi goes to vote.

Wendy: My vote counts!

Anyway, Yoshi goes to vote.

Wendy: I said, my vote counts!

Anyway, Yoshi goes to vote.

Wendy: Fine then, be that way, but honestly, I tell you, my vote counts!

Anyway, Yoshi goes to vote.

Lemmy: I’m not tallying the votes. Neither is Hammer. Millenium Star, you tally the votes.

Millenium Star: WAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!

Lemmy: We’ll be back in one hour.

Commercial: Don’t miss the premiere of “Baby Brother”, which stuffs 16 stupid Koopa Troopas in a house and tapes every word they say! That’s coming up right after “Dumbest Link” and “Who Wants to be an Idiotic Moron”, the other two top-rated shows on Plit!

Lemmy: We’re back! Sooner than we thought, in fact, thanks to the fact that the Millenium Star just remembered he can fly!

Millenium Star: Here’s the votes!

Lemmy: Thank you, Millenium Star. The first vote is for, what’s this, a blank vote?!

Bowser: Give that to me. I’ll write my vote after you read the rest of the votes, because that’s pretty much what I do anyway!

Lemmy: Yeah, right, is that always the case? Anyway, the real first vote is for Larry!

Bowser: Larry got a vote anyway!

Larry: Yippee!

Lemmy: Why are you celebrating? Anyway, the second vote is also for Larry!

Larry: Yes!

Lemmy: What? Anyway, the third vote is for Wendy!

Wendy: And the fourth vote is for Wendy!

Lemmy: Right, wait a minute, how did you know? Anyway, Bowser, who do you want to get rid of?

Bowser: I hate Larry, well, um, I don’t hate him, but anyway, I don’t like him.

Lemmy: Continue!

Bowser: I think Wendy’s ugly and annoying, and, well, um, maybe not, but anyway, she’s fat.

Lemmy: Continue!

Bowser: Yeah, anyway, this is a very tough vote.

Larry: Vote for Wendy!

Wendy: Vote for Larry!

Lemmy: Just vote.

Bowser: Fine then, anyway, my vote goes to... Wario!

Larry and Wendy together: Why Wario?!

Bowser: I wanted you both to be happy.

Lemmy: Re-vote!

I don’t feel like having them re-vote. Lemmy, just give one of them the cannon.

Lemmy: I can’t. It’s against the rules.

Stupid rules! Go ahead...

Bowser goes to vote.

Wario goes to vote.

Yoshi goes to vote.

Lemmy: Get those votes, Millenium Star. Wait a minute, how did they get across that broken bridge?

Millenium Star: They didn’t. All the votes are right here.

Lemmy: Let me tally the votes. One for Larry, one for Wendy, and one for Wario. Bowser, choose one or the other.

Bowser: Uh, Larry’s stupid, I don’t like him, and I want to vote him off, but I can’t, because he’s my son anyway!

Lemmy: Continue!

Bowser: Uh, Wendy’s annoying, I don’t like her, and I want to vote her off, but I can’t, because she’s my daughter anyway!

Lemmy: Continue!

Bowser: Wendy! She’s voted off! Now! Go away, Wendy! Now!

Wendy: NOOOOOO!!! WAH!!!

Lemmy: Use that-

WHACK! Right on Bowser’s head.

Lemmy: Get in the cannon, Wendy.

Wendy gets in the cannon.

Lemmy: Wendy, the mass has spoken.

BOOM! Wendy goes off into nowhere. Oh, alright, into the lake of fire. Splashing into that place with Toad, Luigi, The King, Waluigi, Peach, Mario, Iggy, Susan, Roy, Ludwig and Morton. Right into a hot tub of steaming hot fire and lava.

Lemmy: Go back to your lava lake!

Wendy, Beauty Queen: Stupid Larry! Stupid King Dad! Really, I feel that this contest is fixed and that next time, Larry will join me, but that’s my opinion, and I don’t want to spoil it for all you people,
but...

You just did.

Who voted for who?
Bowser: Wendy (see above for full explanation)
Larry: Wendy (Wendy’s so annoying)
Wario: Larry (afraid of Yoshi’s vote)
Wendy: Larry (Larry’s so annoying)
Yoshi: Wendy (afraid Wario would stick with Wendy, so went opposite way)

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