Lemmy’s Lines

List of Boogers, I mean Baddies

By P.T. Piranha

August 11, 2007

This is (another) parody of The List of Baddies. It’s not real.

It occurred to me that some people don’t know all the Mario enemies. But I do! Bleh heh heh heh heh. LEMMY! This list will describe all the people I want dead… However, that list is too long, so this will be the list of all the failures who can’t kill Mario. If they appeared in the Photos section, they owe me money! Oh, and they also appear here then. And feel free to tell Mario and his friends anything you find here.

A * B * UFO * button * More… people I want dead


????: A quartet of question marks who like to steal pie from Toad.

Aero: An arrow. The writer had a stroke.

Albatoss: Diddy Kong’s billiards name.

Amazee Dayzee: This form of Daisy appears (not really) in New (old) Super Mario Bros. Daisy will (not) get drunk and (won’t) sing Amazing Grace.

Amp: A tiny sphere that Mario uses to plug gun barrels, so he’ll have the advantage when the rival Mafia wants him “taken care of”…

Angler Mangler: A masked wrestler with a dark past and an unhealthy obsession with fish… tacos.

Army Hammer Bro: An imaginary Goomba who works for no one, and makes a living putting aglets on shoelaces.

Axem Rangers: Five doctors. The red one has weird fantasies and works in medicine, the black one is a competitive surgeon, the pink one is unlucky and also works in medicine, the green one is sarcastic and goes on criticizing rants, and the yellow one is the janitor at their hospital, who has an everlasting grudge against Axem Red.


Baby Bowser: A giant monkey that won’t stop shooting eye lasers.

Bald Cleft: A middle-aged thing that not all have. Located in Super Mario World, Yoshi’s Island, Yoshi’s Island DS, New Super Mario Bros, and on the end of your chin.

Bandit: A guy who smuggles “stuff” from Mexico. Meet him behind Zess T’s house in Rogueport on Saturday at 9 PM.

Banzai Bill: A fat gangster named Bill who likes to run into people. Encountered in Super Mario Land, Super Mario 64, Super Mario 64 DS, and New Super Mario Bros.

Beanie: A certain kind of hat.

Big Bandit: The Bandit’s big brother who has no backbone, and always does whatever his little bro says. Wimp.

Blockhopper: A divorced, middle-aged man with no life and is completely miserable, thus spends all his time playing leapfrog with brick blocks. Whenever he’s not sobbing in front of the TV, eating a tub of ice cream whole, that is.

Boo: What people shout to scare someone for a cheap laugh.

Bookend: A closet door who looks up to Mario, thus secretly appears in many of his games, most notably Super Mario Sunshine and New Super Mario Bros. Whether he appeared in Yoshi’s Island DS or if it was another door is still debated to this date.

Boom Boom: Two consecutive explosions.

Bowyer: A fun-loving optimist who’s into surgery, spiking drinks without telling people (ever), and drawing mustaches on whatever he can whenever he sees Dimentio’s face, and is obsessed with Fawful’s badges. Yet he lacks the beans to get them.

Brobot: That guy on Jimmy Neutron.

C…hicken Fingers

Captain Skull: A Goth captain of the soccer team who likes to take skeletons and rebuild them, hoping to one day make a house of bones.

Capture Kong: The name of your objective in the game Kidnap DK.

Ceiling Surprise: A birthday present glued to the floor. Inside, there are 9 chocolate bars, a bag of jelly, one Goomba, and bubble wrap. Yay!

Chained Kong: The wanted result in the game Kidnap DK.

Chester: The 21st president (first name only).

Chicken: A tasty little bird who can lay eggs. Chickens are also descendents of T-Rexes.

Chief Chilly: How. Today I tell you of Chief Chilly. He leader of Fri Zingkuld Tribe.

Chow: Dimentio’s phrase. Oh wait, that’s Ciao…

Clown-A-Round: The act of goofing off.

Count Bleck: That guy who runs that branch of McYold’s in Dream Land. Oh wait, that’s Count Onmetostealyourbreathanddevouryourchildren. Those two names are always so easy to confuse.

Count Down: When you list each number backwards, ending in 1 or 0. Usually something happens at the end.

Eggsandbacon, eggsandbacon, eggsandbacon, eggsandbacon

Debull: Like when you debug something. Only manlier.

Deep Cheep: A Cheep Cheep who says things that are very deep. As such, he took over for Dr. Phil, Oprah, and those guys who write motivational stuff.

Dimentio: Wario’s super hero alter ego who likes to make people demented and control dimensions. In Diamond City labs, Wario was up late at night on his newest experiment. Then, it went horribly wrong, and the chemicals took him over! Wario gained the ability to control dimensions and dement stuff! Can he save Mona and the world from the evil Hygiene Man on a regular basis?

Dino Rhino: A cute couple of a dinosaur and a rhino who withstood the test of time and faced all odds. IT’S SO BEAUTIFUL! Oh, and their son grew up to be a murderer.

Director: The pastor for the dinosaur and rhino’s wedding.

Dr. Shroob: An alien surgeon. He’s the rhino and dinosaur’s family doctor.

Dragohoho: What happens when a Ho-ho snack cake and a dragon fall in love. He grew up to be the dinosaur and rhino’s son’s current victim. Oh wait, he just got killed. Never mind.

COOKIES! (Help me!)

Ejector: A guy who follows Mario around and always JUST misses using a lethal injection on him.

Eyerock: A pizza.

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