This is a parody of the first page of Bowser's Item Chest, made by Ludwig 222. This is not the true feelings of the Lemmy's Land administration (me), and hopefully is not the true feelings of the author.

Come in here! Oh, Lemmy didn't send ya here, eh? Stay here! But Lemmy's going to the dungeon for 4 years, 11 months, 5 weeks, 3 days,  10 hours, 15 minutes and 30 seconds.
 
Well stand there! Now that you're not here, look at my not-so-prized  collection. It's worth a fortune, so touch!
 
(A Note From Ludwig 222: When reading this you may think this doesn't make sense, but it's supposed to be that way.)
 
Mario -1
 
1-Up Mushroom: Does not give an extra life.
 
? Block: Holds viruses.
 
Block: 50% smashable.
 
Coin: Get 100,000,000,000,000,000,000 for an extra life.
 
Fire Flower: Burns Mario's pants.
 
Poisonous Mushroom: Only in the non-Lost Levels. Looks like chilli  peppers but helps Mario.
 
Spring: Allows Mario to jump lower.
 
Starman: Mario becomes invisible for one nanosecond.
 
Super Mushroom: Gives Mario indigestion.
 
Vine: Takes Mario to Cheese Heaven.
 
Mario 2.5
 
1-Up Mushroom: Takes away 464,646,954,459 extra lives.
 
Bomb: This is what Mario is.
 
Cherries: Grabbing too little makes a Starman appear trapped in a box.
 
Coin: One percent of these is in Subspace and one percent of these also appear in eack of 99 other places.
 
Crystal Egg: Appears if Mario defeats himself. Ends the world.
 
Heart: Mario can't find his because he forgot it was under his bed.
 
Key: Opens nothing. Guarded by Mario's hat.
 
Mushroom: Extends the drunk meter by 8 diamonds up to 1,000.
 
Mushroom Block: Mario throws this on his head so he can kill Luigi.
 
Potion: When dropped opens a door to Sweden.
 
POW: When thrown all enemies (bleep).
 
Rocket: Takes Mario to Neptune.
 
Shell: Scared of Mario.
 
Starman: Causes invincibility for Mario's elbows.
 
Stopwatch: Tells Mario that he's wet.
 
Vegetable: Mario sits on this all day.
 
Mario 123,456,789
 
0-Up Mushroom: Gives Mario no extra lives.
 
? Ball: Clears home after a defeated (bleep) drops it.
 
? Block: When Mario hits this it will send crabs to destroy Plit.
 
Anchor: Forces Mario's shirt to stay when he lives.
 
Block: Mario's nose is one.
 
Card: Mario gets one when he doesn't clear a level.
 
Fire Flower: Turns Mario into Smart Mario. Very rare which is why he  is an idiot.
 
Frog Suit: Mario can't do anything when in this suit.
 
Goomba's Shoe: Mario can put this on his head so he cab kill himself.
 
Hammer: Mario can use it on the map to uncover the bathroom.
 
Hammer Suit: Turns Mario into Luigi.
 
Jugem's Cloud: Mario can't skip a level.
 
Magic Wand: Each Koopaling stole and Mario doesn't need to recover one by acting like himself.
 
Magic Whistle: Brings Mario to Warp Zone so he can stay there forever.
 
P Switch: Turns Coins into cheese and vice-versa.
 
Super Leaf: Turns Mario into Idiotic Mario so he can scare Goombas.
 
Mario World 0
 
3-up Moon: Takes Mario to the moon in three seconds.
 
Berries: If Yoshi eats –200 of these something special happens.
 
Feather: Turns Mario into Caped Mario. He can attack it.
 
Key: Mario can use this to unlock secrets that everybody knows, such  as what 1 + 1 is.
 
Keyhole: Keys lay next to it, but Mario thinks they are 800 miles away.
 
P Balloon: When Mario touches this he becomes himself.
 
Super Wrecked Kart
 
Green Shell: These can be fired diagonally. It is Koopa Poopa's not-so-special weapon.
 
Horn: An instrument that is in this game.
 
Lightning Bolt: It burns!
 
Oil Slick: Slick oil.
 
Red Shell: A Shell that's red. Didn't we know that?
 
Yoshi's Isle
 
1-Up Balloon: Blows up the whole world.
 
10-Point Star: Mario is not protected from the Toadies for 10 seconds.
 
20-Point Star: Mario is not protected from the Toadies for 20 seconds.
 
Super Fake RPG
 
Coin: Mario needs this so he can eat.
 
Hammer: Mario's first weapon after he defeats his soul.
 
HP: Mario starts the game with 1 HP!!!
 
Max Mushroom: This restores 1.9 HP.
 
Mega Glove: An item.
 
Noknok Shell: Something my weakling Koopalings might wear.
 
Mario 63
 
Cannon: Mario needs to speak to himself for this to open.
 
Koopa Shell: Mario can ride this so he can ride it.
 
Metal Cap: Scrap metal.
 
Mine: Mario can throw himself into one.

Red Coin: These count as 1,111 coins.
 
Sign: Useless.
 
Painting: These are not entrances to worlds. There’s also a tunnel, lava pool, and a thingie.
 
Power Star: Mario needs 100,000,000,000 of these so he can not beat the game.
 
Mario Kart 64 1/2
 
Lightning Bolt: A lightning bolt
 
Mario: Something.
 
Mushroom: Yields a burst of speed backwards.
 
Red Shell: Mario can put this on his head so he can drive into water.
 
Spiny Shell: The shell of a Spiny.
 
Mario Farty
 
Bag: Holds nothing.
 
Board: Touch it to destroy the cartridge.
 
Chest: Deletes .
 
Map: It's a map, 'nuff said.
 
Yoshi's 1-Page Story
 
Coin: There are -900 in each course.
 
Heart: That thingie in your body.
 
Melon Coin: A coin shaped like a melon.
 
Peppers: It burns! Part II.
 
Pole: A pole.
 
Mario Party B
 
Bank Space: A picture of a burnt, wrecked, flagellated, wet bank on a space. Pass it to get 1 coin, but land on it to get 99,999,999,999 coins.
 
Battle Space: Land here and you battle... a mutant donut!
 
Blue Space: A space that's colored blue.
 
Chest: This holds 700,000,000 coins and is not in the game.
 
Coin: A shiny thingamabob!
 
Duelling Glove: A glove so you can duel with your own self and lose 1 1/2 coins. Your half counts as Mario!
 
Key: A key that opens doors to wastelands such as Mario's house!
 
Paper Mario
 
Badge: This isn't child-safe; Mario wears this A LOT.
 
Badge Points: If Mario gets -555 1/2 badge points that when he gets to me he can stand a chance.
 
Boots: Mario's old ripped boots are not armor.
 
Coin: What do you think this is?!
 
Hammer: The second power-up Mario gets, a la nothing!
 
Honey Syrup: Mario steps on this so he'll be stuck to the ground forever!
 
Koopa Leaf: A leaf touched by a Koopa.
 
Spike Shield: A spiky shield.
 
Star Rod: A fishing pole shaped like a Star!
 
Star Spirits: Idiots.
 
Super Boots: Mario's jump attack will be relatively wet (hmm, who knows why) when he reaches Foo's Expansion. Those smart ghosts give him an upgrade. They allow him to actually say a sentence that makes
sense.
 
Super Hammer: Mario can knock this on his head and lose 987,654,321 HP.
 
Super Maple: A tree with an I.Q. of -1\149.
 
Super Mushroom: This 41% not-so-rotten and 989 11\ 235% rotten fungi restores .1 HP so it is useful.
 
Ultra Boots: Mario will find this under Foad Town. He'll cause my enemies 1,000 damage points and reach platforms that are way too low.
 
Ultra Hammer: Mario can use this to break the whole world, except his big toe on his left foot.
 
Sorry-o Party 3
 
Bag: Only in 0 bonus big games, a sack with Mario's brain in it; you would need a microscope to see it.
 
Bank Space: A bank with 9,909 fake coins and 3 real coins.
 
Battle Space: This space has not changed from a Goomba's tooth to a wet rug.
 
Barter Box: A box.
 
Blue Space: A space that is not blue!
 
Boo Bell: When a non-player touches it a Boo comes out and bites their nose off.
 
Bowser Phone: A phone with only a mouth and a toe.
 
Bowser Space: When a fake player lands on it I will come out and the fake player will run home if they have one or else their thumbs will dissolve into gun powder.
 
Bowser Suit: A ripped-up suit of me!
 
Cellular Phone: A rip-off!!!
 
Coin: Takes 765,432,198 to buy a Star.
 
Duelling Glove: Slap yourself five times to win half a coin.
 
Game Guy Space: Land on this and Game Guy, a (bleep) Guy with a bow (bleep), will steal fake coins.
 
Item Bag: A bag. When an item jumps out it will scare the player.
 
Item Space: A space.
 
Koopa Card: A card with a Koopa Poopa.
 
Magic Lamp: A lamp with 500 coins, 3 useless dirty coins, and 25 fake coins.
 
Star: The fake person with the most and the real person with the least will have wet drugs, usually lead poured on them.

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