This is a parody of the important terms section of Morton's Basics, made by Wendy. This is not the true feelings of the Lemmy's Land administration, and hopefully is not the true feelings of the author. It is suggested that you compare this to the original.

Certain terms get hideously overused in Lemmy's Land, so if you don't know what they mean you must be a stoopid n00b. Here I've compiled a list of the most cliched places, items, garden tools, and ice cream flavors that any sighted person couldn't possibly miss. I have made this list as long as possible so you'll have to slave for hours memorizing it. For information on characters, check Morton's Bios or Lemmy's List of Baddies. For information on pop culture, visit Lemmy's Brainless Trend-Followers section.

? Block: It's vaguely square, but nobody knows what it is.

Banned: Term applied to a tourist who has been trespassed from Lemmy's Land. If they ever return, they will be arrested. If they stand outside the gates shouting, Lemmy will ignore them unless he feels like heckling them back. Trust me, you don't want to be at the end of Lemmy's burning wit. He loves banning people. If he hasn't banned you yet, don't worry, he will soon.

Coin: Sometimes called chachingies, these fund Mario's impractical scientific research. In the games he can receive "research grants" when he submits a proposal, but in Lemmy's Land we don't buy that kind of garbage.

DAD: What Koopas yell when they wish to summon Bowser.

Dark Land: Ancestral home of the Koopas, it's being steadily encroached on by the Marios.

Dinosaur Land: Smaller and less big than the more larger Mushroom Kingdom, this area consists of very little acreage. It's close enough to the Mushroom Kingdom to be reached by camel. This landmass includes Yoshi's Island, the Great Plains, the Toronto Skydome, the Brooklyn Bridge, half of France, Easter Island, and Death Valley. It also has paths to the Transcontinental Railroad and Atlantis.

Doomship: Improbably flying mass of wood and bolts. They are leased to the Koopas. In Super Mario Bros. 3.2 they were called Goombas, but the writers of the Mario Cartoons realized that name was taken. Lemmy, for no apparent reason, prefers to call them flibbertigibbets.

Feedback Form: Found at the end of time and space. If you give it raw ingredients, it will cook dinner for Lemmy. You will have to check it for poison before it's served, so don't be an idiot and use arsenic. That's the easiest way to get yourself killed. Be on the lookout for this form if you think the world is flat.

Fire Flower: Less exciting than a flaming bush.

Keep: What Koopas do with the items they steal.

Koopa Troop: Refers to Bowser, his back-up singers, and his entire band.

Koopaling: A term used to refer to one of Bowser's neuroses, this was never used in the Mario comics and was completely made up by Lemmy.

Koopaling Vote: Sort of like a California election. Tourists can't get any until they've been in Lemmy's Land for 18 years. They support the tourist's favorite number and also play Go obsessively. Once a tourist becomes catatonic, Koopaling votes become entirely useless, but people still try to steal them. A real election would result in a chosen leader; Koopaling votes merely perpetuate anarchy.

LL: 100 in Roman numerals. Except that's really C.

LLL: Short for Landlubber's Loony Lingo, a section that teaches you how not to talk like a pirate. When Lemmy has scurvy, his seadog accent becomes completely incomprehensible.

Magic Wand: Koopalings often lose these weapons, even though we're supposed to hold onto them. They can shoot beans and perform other unfairly powerful spells.

Mario Gang: Generally refers to the hooligans relevant to the story in which this term appears. If there is no graffiti, it probably refers to Mario "Hitman" Mario, Luigi "Slim" Mario, Peach "Princess" Toadstool, and the
feared Toad, "The Royal Mushroom Retainer". If the story becomes a musical, "Yo" Yoshi may also be included.

Mushroom: First seen in a dark cave somewhere, this fungus increases Mario's hallucinations when he eats it. In the games this meant he would see crazy things that weren't there, but in stories Mario usually passes out. Its full name is Magic Mushroom, but most tourists are too high to spell that extra word.

Mushroom Kingdom: First featured in Groovy Mario Bros. 3, this contains the seven elements: Phloem, Aridity, Fish, Humongousness, Nitrogen, Negative Degrees, and Toilets. The game's eighth element, Empty Space, is not part of any belief system. Funny the things some people believe in.

Mushroom World:  Technically the area in your backyard, where the unfortunate events of your last birthday party took place. However, it never refers to this but to the bizarre places you visit when you're dreaming.

Mushroomer: An obscure, archaic name for one of Toad's body-doubles. In modern slang, it's called Dead Meat.

Official Character: A person with the power to extract obscene amounts of taxes from you. Your money must be legal currency, so probably doesn't apply to anything in your pockets. Lint has a value, of course, but the Official Character won't accept it.

Peach's Castle: The good guys' dollhouse... or, as I like to call it, stupid dollhouse. If you've ever played Mario Is Missing, Uno, or Sorry!, you're an anti-social loser. Peach loves to dissect rabbits in her basement. You're too dumb to realize that, even though the furry corpses are all over the place and she carries a few with her everywhere.

Plit: Name of the planet Mario's tantrums take place on (except Mario Golf, which takes place in South Carolina, and Magicant, which is in a completely different series). Plit includes mountains, rivers, plateaus, and other boring stuff you learned about in geography and then forgot. The adventures shown in the games would put anyone to sleep, so surely you didn't learn anything from them.

Sarasaland: Much more polluted than the Mushroom Kingdom, this is Daisy's punishment for her evil deeds in Super Mario Land. It's incomprehensibly far away from the Mushroom Kingdom, which is why there's no people there. Including Daisy, who lives in the Sarasaland Castle.

Sirkain: The name of Lemmy's loyal knight, who nobly duels with Lemmy's flamers and critics, two groups who would otherwise bomb his website repeatedly. The knight can be dimwitted at times, and when his visor falls down he will walk slowly because he can't bloody see anything. But don't bite your thumb at Sir Kain when he's looking, unless you fancy a jousting lance through your vital organs.

Star: First appearing after sundown, this enormous ball of burning gasses causes Mario to make up silly stories to explain the myriad things he can't otherwise understand. Or sometimes he uses it to make a selfish wish. Both of these are good reasons to mock him.

Submission: An underwater quest. That's all.

Super Koopa: A tourist who has stumbled into a secret area, and so has been bribed to keep them quiet. Among the bribes offered are a lifetime supply of Rice-a-Roni, the San Francisco treat! It's now harder to become a Super Koopa because Lemmy finally wised up and installed locks on his doors. But don't worry, any idiot can pick them with a hairpin or a credit card. The term Super Koopa also refers to any Mario character with an over-inflated ego; check for government conspiracies to decide whether it's safe to leave your house tomorrow.

Tourist: Anyone who has ever visited anywhere, including their own bathroom. This means you, unless your back teeth are experiencing a reconstruction of the Great Flood. The term was coined because English is a constantly evolving language.

Warp Pipe: Sometimes just called wossnames, anyone who enters them will never be seen again. They're usually heavily guarded, meaning anyone with enough money can get in. They tend to be really obvious; I mean, it's a big green pipe sticking out of the ground. First featured in the Jimmy Hoffa case.

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