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Dark Star vs General Guy

Announcer Referee

***

Iggy: Helloooo ladies and gentlemen! Welcome to Roy's Sports Hall and my last day of announcing, yaaaaaay!

Roy: Heh, why so excited about that?

Iggy: You kidding? I'd love to get out of this dump when I'm not the one giving the beatings! I- I mean, um, I have a thing scheduled and, ummmm...

Roy: Riiiight, a THING. Tell ya what, bet you your life that dumb Shy Guy's gonna pull the upset today.

Iggy: H-h-ha! You must be joking! I can say with total confidence he won't! I like bets, and taking the safe one sounds like a good deal!

Roy: Right, so your life versus not your life.

Iggy: W-wait, that doesn't sound like I won anything. CURSES, YOU ENTICED ME WITH THE THOUGHT OF GAMBLING AGAIN!

Roy: S'what I do. Anyway, announce, an' make it snappy.

Iggy: R-right... I-in the, um, Red Corner is the dominant endgame RPG boss that everyone cowers from, Dark Star!

Dark Star: HMPH. SO THE BUFFET TABLE IS MY FINAL OBSTACLE? WHAT A LOVELY SACRIFICE!

Iggy: And in the Dead Corner, o-or the one that's going to be blown up in a minute, it's General Guy!

General Guy: Ha, cornered, am I? Well I assure you, Iggy Koopa, that even if this corner were to explode, I would most certainly not be at that point! I have a plan, sir, and I'm quite excited to show it! Hahahahaha!

Iggy: ... Has he gotten crazier?

Larry: Probably delusional in order to convince himself to show up.

Iggy: Aah. That works. So you're in my corner, Larry?

Larry: Nope, I'm betting on that loser.

Iggy: What?! Why?!

Larry: Have you SEEN the payoff you get for betting on General Guy? Me predicting him just made that skyrocket! Even if I bet only a coin, if that guy wins, I'm coming home rich!

Iggy: A-aah... So you're...?

Larry: Well yeah, I'm mostly betting against him but this prediction is purely for strategic purposes!

Iggy: Ha, gotcha! All right Pokey, let's ensure my safety!

Pokey: Fight.

DING! DING! DING!

General Guy: Dawn of a new war... Aah, I love it. Stars help me, I love it so.

Dark Star: YOU SHALL SWIFTLY CEASE TO BREATHE IT IN. DARK METEO--

Shy Guy: Heeee…ha!

Doink!

Shy Guy: Owwwww...

Dark Star: DID YOU HONESTLY EXPECT SUCH TACTICS TO WORK? HA!

Iggy: A Shy Guy dropped from the rafters but did absolutely no damage to Dark Star.

Dark Star: KNOW THE PAIN OF THE ABYSS!

Shy Guy: Huh? A-aaaahhhhh!

Dark Star: AND AGAIN. AND AGAIN. AND AGAIN. DARK ETERNITY!

Iggy: Wow... that's merciless. Dark Star ripped two holes in reality and is juggling Shy Guy through them like two portals, every time ramming him with spikes... I can't watch.

Dark Star: PERISH.

Shy Guy: A-aaaahhhhhhh!

General Guy: You shall be missed, Soldier. Carry out your duty... and LET HIM HAVE IT!

Shy Guy: Y-yes sir!

Dark Star: WHAT IS THIS?!

Ka-boom!

Iggy: Incredible! While Dark Star was trying to absorb the Shy Guy it stuck a Bob-omb inside of him! I mean, both were probably swallowed up in horrifying, unimaginably painful darkness, but... wow, that was pretty cool!

Dark Star: IS THAT THE BEST YOU CAN DEAL OUT? A MINOR INCONVENIENCE! YOU SHALL BE-

General Guy: Shy Squad, let 'im have it!

Shy Squad: Yes sir!

General Guy: Shy Brigade, Corps. 1 through 20, let's take him down!

Shy Brigade: Yes sir General Guy sir!

Dark Star: INCONCEIVABLE!

BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! KA-BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!

Iggy: Wow... um... Guys, how did we miss that?

Roy: Oh what, YOU'VE never seen the Sports Hall filled with one hundred Shy Guys on the ground and the ceiling packed with twenty-five hundred? Clearly ya have ta be here longer to understand these things.

Iggy: You were EXPECTING this?

Roy: Weeell when I got a letter saying "Is it okay if I bring in 3,000 Shy Guys, each one carrying a Bob-omb or Bullet Bill, and hide them outside until the fight starts?", I figured I could make some money off of that!

Larry: Cha-ching!

Roy: And I get 20 percent of all winning bets too!

Larry: ... Moderate cha-ching!

Iggy: B-b-but...

Roy: Ah shut up an- YOU DIDN'T SAY YOU'D TURN IT INTO A CRATER, YOU IDIOT!

General Guy: Well what did you expect with two thousand explosions going off simultaneously! Thankfully I put blastproof coating over this beautiful tank of mine... Hahaha!

Dark Star: HEHEHEH... FOOLS!

Crack! Crack! Zap!

Shy Squad: OW! ARGH! HOT!

Shy Brigade: FIRE! WE ARE ON FIRE! OW!

Spy Guy: I appear to have burst into flames.

Dark Star: DID YOU EXPECT SUCH A TRUMP CARD TO WORK OUT SO WELL? AGAINST THE MASTER OF SUCH DARKNESS? YOU ARE TRULY A FOOLISH MORTAL!

Iggy: Um... okay. So after an ambush by an entire army... Dark Star TOOK the full force of it and set everyone not named General Guy, Roy, Dark Star, or Pokey on fire.

Larry: OWWWWWW!

Pokey: Ha.

General Guy: That took quite a while, sir! Your unexpected power surge is quite unwelcome!

Dark Star: YOU SHOULD BE MORE CAREFUL, GENERAL. RATHER THAN FINISHING ME, YOU HAVE GIVEN ME THE MEANS TO CRUSH YOU TO DUST! ARISE, MINIONS OF DARKNESS! KNOW YOUR NEW MASTER!

Shy Guy: Uwoooogh...

Shy Squad: Aaaaahhhhh...

Shy Brigade: Uuuuunnngh...

Dark Star: HAHAHAHAHAHHAAHAHA!

Iggy: Dark Star has this weird... mist... thing that's spreading around him, and all of the Shy Guys are getting up... and moving toward General Guy!

Dark Star: UNITED WE STAND, GENERAL. AND DIVIDED... YOU SHALL FALL!

General Guy: ... heh. Heh... heheheh...

Dark Star: WHAT IS SO FUNNY?

General Guy: You may have gotten most of my pieces...

Iggy: Oh man, GENERAL GUY TURNED HIS HAT BACKWARDS! His power level has at least doubled!

Roy: How do ya figure?

Iggy: I JUST KNOW THESE THINGS, OKAY?!

General Guy: ...but as long as the King still stands and there's one Pawn left... I ALWAYS have a chance for victory!

Dark Star: HAHAHAHA. STRATEGY HAS FAILED AND YOU RELY ON A MIRACLE? YOUR PRIDE SHALL BE YOUR DOWNFALL!

General Guy: Then charge at me, sir. And BEHOLD MY MIRACLE!

Iggy: All of the Shy Guys have started to orbit Dark Star like a satellite.

Dark Star: HAHAHAHAHA... DARK SUPERNOVA!

Iggy: He's glowing this horrible color while launching an absolutely HUGE wall of Shy Guys right at General Guy! Ooh, I can't watch!

General Guy: Ha! Troops, it's been quite an honor fighting with you... but now... YOU'RE ALL DISCHARGED!

Iggy: What is that he has? A... giant rubber band?

Streeeeetch...

Iggy: It's... it's HOLDING THEM?!

General Guy: The oldest trick a Shy Guy knows: leave the most obvious weapon hidden, and when they've got their back turned... LET 'EM HAVE IT!

Dark Star: THERE SHALL BE NO STOPPING MY PUSH, GENERAL! HA!

BOOOOOMMMM!

Iggy: Dark Star just sent out a MASSIVE shockwave of energy and... General Guy still has the Shy Guys caught in his rubber band... thing! This is SO COOL!

General Guy: Ha! An army's only as strong as its general... and I WILL NOT BREAK! CHARGE!

Smash! KA-BOOM!

Dark Star: INCONCEIVABLE!

CRASH!

General Guy: ... I don't believe you know the meaning of the word.

Pokey: Dark Star, out. General Guy, winner.

Iggy: He just rammed his tank right into his own army and blew it up! The force then made the huge group of Shy Guys fly right into Dark Star, with DOUBLE the force he sent them out with! That was... that was... ah shoot, I'm doomed...

General Guy: There is no doom. There is only odds, which can be overcome with strategy and gusto!

Roy: What about me beating him up?

General Guy: Oh, sorry, I thought we were speaking of regulation fights. Nah, he's doomed then.

Iggy: R-regulation? What does that even MEAN? H-hey, hang on, I-I...

WHAM! BAM! CRACK! DING!

Iggy: Yeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaahhhhhgh!

Roy: Whelp, another job well done. Wouldn't ya say, Larry?

Larry: Sorry, I'm too RICH to... Wait, YOU LAUNCHED HIM STRAIGHT THROUGH THE BETTING CENTER! AAAAH! QUICK, MY PRECIOUS COINS, I HAVE TO GRAB THEM!

Roy: Heh... Seeing you tire yourself out's gonna be my best entertainment of the day. End Transmission. This is MY personal entertainment.