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Roy: Welcome to the grassy field outside Roy’s Sports Hall! Today we feature the clash of the castles!
Iggy: That’s right, Roy.
Roy: Of course it is.
Iggy: I was just trying to get repartee going.
Roy: You know what happens when you use those pretentious words, right?
Iggy: You beat me up?
Roy: At least your tiny brain can understand the laws of cause and effect.
Iggy: Aaanyways, King Dad isn’t here right now because he’s piloting his castle.
Bowser: That’s right! Bwahahaha! It feels great being back in control of the ol’ death machine!
Roy: So he made you come back? Is this my punishment or something?
Iggy: Uh, actually, yes. You ate all the beef jerky.
Roy: We live in a castle! Why is King Dad so stingy about it?!
Iggy: Beats me. We should probably start before he gets angrier.
Roy: All right, I suppose. In the eastern field is the coolly unstoppable and unstoppably cool BOWSER CASTLE!
Bowser: BWAHAHAHAHAHA! Wait until you see what new instruments of pain I’ve got loaded onto this baby!
Roy: And in the western field, it’s the pastel automaton, PEACH’S CASTLE!
Peach’s Castle: Begin operation. Commencing combat protocol. Arming lasers.
Roy: Larry, which castle do you think’s going to win?
Larry: The real question we have to ask here is, if King Dad’s castle is stronger than King Dad was when he was giant.
Larry: Oh dear, either way I answer that question I’m in trouble. I’ll just flip a coin.
Larry: All right, Peach’s Castle it is. I’ll go ahead and skip into the electric chair now.
Roy: Good boy. Pokey?
DING DING DING!
Peach’s Castle: Activate portal.
FASHOOM SHOOM SHOOM SHOOM SHOOM!
Iggy: The fight’s starting up. Peach’s Castle began with that black hole…
Bowser: HA! You think I’m going to fall for those fireworks again? FIRE!
FOOOOOOM! BLAM! FASHOOM!
Iggy: King Dad shot the portal out of the sky with a missile, and it landed behind Peach’s Castle again! For such a large machine, it sure doesn’t learn from its mistakes.
Peach’s Castle: Warning: Attack interrupted. Defensive capabilities compromised. Beginning attack.
Bowser: Exactly where I want you!
Bowser: Didn’t think this giant statue of me was just for show, did you?
Peach’s Castle: Fire detected! Beginning ejection of flammable material!
Bowser: I’d love a Mushroom, tha–
Iggy: What the?! Peach’s Castle ejected a Shroob-omb!
Bowser: *cough, cough* Can’t… see…
Peach’s Castle: Beginning push protocol.
Bowser: What the?!
Iggy: Peach’s Castle used the smoke screen to maneuver behind Bowser’s Castle! This could be its chance to push the castle into the black hole!
Bowser: Makes no difference to me! FIRE!
KAFWOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!
Peach’s Castle: Damage within controllable limits. Activating defensive program.
Iggy: Peach’s Castle threw up that force field! How’s Bowser going to get rid of it?
Bowser: There’s no such thing as a perfect shield!
Iggy: I see, King Dad’s figured out some kind of secret weapon to–
Bowser: FIRE EVERYTHING!
FOOM! FOOM! FOOM! FOOM! FOOM! FOOM! FOOM! FOOM! BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!
Peach’s Castle: All missiles disabled. Releasing mobile units. Beginning invasion.
Bowser: This isn’t good…
Bowser: So you think you can stop me with these little things? Fat chance.
Fawful-bot: Commencing invasion. Attacking operator.
Bowser: Guargh! You think that’s enough to stop me?
WHAM! WHOMP! Fling!
Iggy: King Dad effortlessly threw a robot twice his size out a window! But unfortunately, it’s his castle that’s fighting and without ammo…
Roy: Ammo… That’s it! KING DAD!
Bowser: What is it, Son? Care to apologize about the jerky?
Roy: We have like five pallets in the pantry! Try stuffing robots into the cannons!
Bowser: BWAHAHAHAHAHA! Good idea! I always liked you best!
Roy: See, I told you so.
Iggy: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Bowser: OUCH! THAT ROBOT SURE DID A NUMBER ON ME! IT WOULD BE VERY PAINFUL TO HAVE MORE ROBOTS ATTACK ME!
Peach’s Castle: Verbal habits analyzed. Bad acting detected. Charging laser.
Bowser: This isn’t good. Where am I supposed to find vaguely missile-shaped things?
Bowser: I can’t. Not my beautiful statues.
Peach’s Castle: Charging… charging… charging…
Bowser: It’s a tough decision. But I suppose all my statues would be destroyed if… Fine. Minions!
CLUNK! CLUNK! CLUNK!
Peach’s Castle: Fire.
FOOOOOOOOOOOM! Foom! Foom! Foom!
Iggy: A huge hole’s been blasted through Bowser Castle! I hate to say it, but…
Peach’s Castle: Lowering shields. Victory has been decided.
Bowser: You bet it has!
KAFWAAAAAAAAAM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!
Pokey: Bowser Castle still standing. Winner.
Iggy: Looks like King Dad fired his statues in a high arc to avoid the laser, and hit Peach’s Castle after it lowered its defenses!
Bowser: BWAHAHAHAHAHA! How do you like THAT, you pink jerk?
Roy: Well, the family feud’s been settled.
Larry: Really? I forgive you, too.
Roy: I meant between King Dad and me. You’re still getting shocked.
Larry: BLAGIDIAGIDIAGIDIAGGGGG! END TRANSMISSION!
|Voting Results (highlight to see):
1. Bowser Castle: 66%
2. Peach's Castle: 34%
(highlight to see):
1. Count Cannoli: 56%
2. Muth: 44%
These eligible fighters were nominated, but not often enough to make the
- Bob-omb, Bonetail, Bowser, Bulky Bob-omb, Fawful Express, Gooper Blooper, Grodus, Il Piantissimo, Kingfin, Koopa Troopa, Major Burrows, Midbus, Morton, Petey Piranha, Shy Guy, Tap-Tap the Red Nose, Tower of Yikk, Wario
You're not allowed to nominate these now - so don't waste your vote!
- Tec (not an enemy)
- Doopliss (retired season winner)
- Iggy (already fought this season)
- Mario (Mario)
- Dr. Wario (I don't think this is a different character from Wario, so vote counted for Wario)
- Lemmy (already fought this season)
- Roy vs. Mario (Roy already fought this season, Mario is Mario, only one choice may be made at a time)
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