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Eerie vs Bowser Castle

Announcer Referee <-Prev--Next->

***

Bowser: Graaaaah! What's going on, WHAT just happened here?!

Roy: Well King Dad, we're provin' that even things with just your face on it are gonna destroy any competition!

Bowser: Because that worked out SO well with everythin' that WASN'T me before.

Roy: Hey! Mecha-Bowser, Bowser Statue, Dry Bowser, and Junior were all flukes, trust me! This time we got your whole CASTLE workin'! I mean, come on! It's your castle!

Bowser: It's fighting a ghost with a Yoshi face on it.

Roy: So what?

Bowser: I HATE THOSE THINGS, that's what! So obviously it's going to find SOME WAY to stab me in the back here! Hey, where are those two brothers of yours that like seeing these things?

Roy: Did you ask the giant dragon?

Bowser: The thought occurred to me, but I figured I didn't want to waste the effort.

Roy: I love you, King Pop.

Bowser: Hmph... whatever. I guess I can oversee a sound STOMPING before I kidnap the princess! And it's a GREAT plan this time!

Roy: You're going to throw a rock at the castle?

Bowser: A BIG ONE! That'll teach HER to build her castle around slopes I can easily throw stuff down! Bwahahahahaha!

Roy: Absolutely brilliant.

Bowser: Bwah, but anyway! Welcome, shrimps and shrimpettes, to the Bowser Badlands! Since OBVIOUSLY some rings are too puny to hold such great competitors - like I've been saying for me, of course - I've gone outta my way to relocate the home team to a place full of lava pits, tar pits, and those REALLY nasty bottomless pits suspended above those music note blocks, I'm sure you all know how EVIL that is! Bwahahahawhaha!

Eerie: I think they're pretty, sir!

Bowser: We've got a good ol' smackdown! On one side of the field is some stupid-faced thingy who probably died choking on a Mushroom or somethin'.

Eerie: It was a pretzel, sir. A SCAAAAAARY pretzel!

Bowser: And on the other side is the greatest thing you ever saw! A massive fortress of absolutely gargantuan size and strength, impervious to every kind of attack except my own, built in the image of the greatest fighter ever known, and oddly likely to lose because SOMEHOW all the STUPID stuff in the world happens to me, my very own castle!

Bowser Castle: SHOWTIIIIIIME!

Bowser: Bwahahahaha. I made it do that, you know.

Roy: Yeah King Pop, I think we all know.

Bowser: Anyway, as I said before, I'm probably gonna regret lettin' this happen due to SOME fluke that's going to make me look like an idiot, but common sense will NEVER stop the great King Bowser! Bwahahahahaha, my place all the way!

Roy: And there we have it. Well, let's start this shindig. Pokey?

Pokey: Hot here.

Bowser: You bet it is!

Pokey: Water please.

Bowser: Bwahahahaha! What makes you think tha-

Pokey: Now.

Bowser: ... Roy, get the nice cactus some water.

Roy: Eh, it's Pokey.

Pokey: Thanks. Fight.

DING! DING! DING!

Eerie: Ooh, I have a scaaaaary story! Once upon a time, there was this guy in a locker, but he was DEAD! So then people found him and HE WAS STILL DEAD! So they were like "IT'S A DEAD GUY FROM THE LOCKER!" Who was DEAD!

Bowser Castle: ...

FWOOM!

Bowser: Bwahahahaha! You like that flamethrower I equipped right at the top? Oh yeah, THIS baby can scorch a MILE!

Eerie: ... Was I not scary enough?

Bowser: Stop PHASING THROUGH ATTACKS!

Eerie: Ooooooooooooooooo... I'm coming clooooooooseeeeeeer to yoooooouuuuuu!

BANG! BANG! BANG!

Bowser: Bwahahahaha! Interceptor Bills, dozens of individual little explosives that'll BLAST anyone who gets too close to the place!

Eerie: Oooooooooo! I'm still haaaauuuuuntiiiing yoooouuuu!

Bowser: You see why I don't like Yoshis now, Son?

Roy: One of many reasons, I'm sure.

Eerie: Ooooooooo! Feel the paaaaaaain of my ghostly ghost will-o-wiiiiiiiisp!

Fizzle.

Eerie: Oooooooooo! Scaaaaaaaary how it underwhelmed expectaaaaaaations!

Bowser: When ya throw a little fire about the size of my pinky at a stone castle, it doesn't tend ta do much. Y'know, in my experience of castle-burning.

Eerie: Poooooiiiiint taaaaaaken! Oooooooooooooooo!

Whoosh!

Bowser: Of course no castle would be complete without a massive jet engine on the underside for transport. Not only does it make for an awesome getaway, but anyone in the way gets SMASHED! Bwahahahahaha!

Eerie: Oooooooooo! Now you're over theeeeeeeere! I'm comiiiiiiiing!

Bowser: In retrospect, not having weapons to fight the undead was kind’ve a dumb move.

Whoom! Whoom! Whoom!

Bowser: Yeah yeah, electromagnetic forcefield I stole from some doctor somethin'-or-other. And like the rest of 'em...

Eerie: Ooooooooooooo!

Bowser: Of course you can pass right through it.

Eerie: BOO!

Bowser Castle: ...

Eerie: You're right. Well I guess I'll goooooooo insiiiiiiiiiide!

Shoom! Shoom! Shoom!

Bowser: Bowser Statues in the halls firing laser beams, can be repositioned to the outside, yadda yadda yadda.

CRUSH!

Bowser: An entire room of Thwomps that can be shot out of cannons as an emergency supply attached to a conveyer belt so that I can reposition them wherever in the castle.

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Bowser: Giant portrait of me that yells so loud it can deafen most people with functioning ears, send out shockwaves an' some wind, whatever, he's just gonn-

Eerie: Aaaaaahhhhhhhh!

Bowser: ... Oh, he got tossed back by that. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA, what a weakling!

Eerie: Ooooooooo! I'm still flooooaaaaating!

Bowser: C'mon, be stupid and go back to the portrait, it's funnier that way! Bwahahahahaha!

Eerie: Ooooooooo! I'm going into thiiiiis roooooooom!

Bowser: And now he's going in... Wait... That's the throne room... NO! Uh... GO SOMEWHERE ELSE! AND DON'T CHECK UNDER THE THRONE FOR THE SELF-DESTRUCT BUTTON!

Roy: Why do we have that installed?

Bowser: Never know when you need to blow up a whole castle at once!

Roy: That makes so much sense, and at the same time, absolutely none at all.

Eerie: Ooooooooo! I'm going for the self-destruuuuuuct swiiiitch!

Bowser: No, NO YOU FOOL! All my STUFF is there, don't you DARE TOUCH THAT BUTTON!

Eerie: Ooooooo! I'm preeeessiiiiing iiiiiiiit!

Bowser: NOOOOOO!

SHOOM!

Eerie: ...

Bowser: PSYCHE! Bwahahahaha! Oh man, why would I keep a self-destruct switch THERE?! It's MUCH more cleverly hidden!

Roy: It's under your bed, isn't it?

Bowser: ... Good news, Son! We're remodeling the castle!

Pokey: Eerie, out. Bowser Castle, win.

Bowser: Well, I think the whole “installing a beam that solidifies whatever touches that button in concrete and then smashes them” idea was a great success! Bwahahaha, those acting lessons are REALLY starting to pay off!

Roy: Well, at least it was tense enough...

Bowser: Yup! Now if you'll excuse me, I've got a rock to throw.

Roy: ... Wait, I just realized. I have no one to electrocute!

Bowser: You do WHAT to your brothers now? Bwahahahahaha! That's my boy!

Roy: Thanks King Po- BLAGITYBLAGITYBLAGITYBLAGITY- END TRANSMISSION!

Bowser: I'm a fan of irony, y'know that? Tough love. Bwahahahahawha!