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Count Cannoli

Season Nine, Round One, Battle 25
The Red Corner

Count Cannoli
Games: Wario Master of Disguise
Sports Hall Record: 1-0, One Week Champion, Rank TBD
(more info)

The Green Corner

Games: M&L:SS, M&L:BIS
Sports Hall Record: 8-5-1, R3Qual & 1Wk Champ, Rank 39

The Yellow Corner

Games: M&L:SS, M&L:BIS
Sports Hall Record: 8-5-1, R3Qual & 1Wk Champ, Rank 39

The Blue Corner

Games: Super Mario Galaxy
Sports Hall Record: 2-3, Rank 101
(more info)


Roy: Welcome to another ep–


Roy: Speak for yourself, I have an apartment upstairs.

Bowser: Well then, I’m moving in until Kammy rebuilds the castle. You got Cable?

Roy: Uh…

Bowser: Well, do you or not? Because if you don’t you’re buying it.

Iggy: And with that, welcome to another episode of Roy’s Sports Hall!

Roy: How DARE you steal that from me?!

Iggy: What? I say that all the time.

Roy: Are you sure?

Iggy: Well, nobody is. Nobody really cares after a couple of weeks.

Roy: That’s true. I can’t even remember who fought last time.

Bowser: It was ME!

Roy: Oh, that’s right. Ha, that was so long ago.

Bowser: It was A WEEK AGO!

Roy: This is going nowhere. Iggy, can you announce the fighters?

Iggy: Okay. In the Red Corner, guard your stuff from the Silver Zephyr! It’s COUNT CANNOLI!

Count Cannoli: Unseen like the wind! Clever as a fox! None shall fight me and continue to stand!

Iggy: And in the Blue Corner, it’s the spinning champion, TOPMANIAC!

Topmaniac: I’ll take you for a wild ride!

Iggy: Larry, who do you think’s going to win this one?

Larry: I composed a complicated mathematical formula for this, involving the output of a random number generator.

Iggy: So you flipped a coin?

Larry: Five times! And it came up Topmaniac for four.

Iggy: Great! We’ve got that out of the way.

Larry: What do you mean, “out of the–“

Pokey: Fight.


Cannoli: At least the [i]castle was vaguely intimidating. I’ll be finishing you off in no time.

Topmaniac: Let’s see what you think when I’m done with you! Get him!

Mini-Tops: ON IT!

Cannoli: What?

Boing! Boing! Boing!

Cannoli: Ow! Owf! Urgh!

Topmaniac: And now that you’re locked down, it’s time to–


Topmaniac: What?

Iggy: Cannoli nimbly escaped the Mini-Tops by turning into an artist and summoning a portal to the other side of the ring!

Topmaniac: Get him!



Topmaniac: What?!

Iggy: Cannoli summoned some blocks from above that crushed the Mini-Tops!

Cannoli: Really, now. I would expect at least a little challenge from you, but I don’t even need to change my costume.

Topmaniac: Don’t underestimate me just because that stupid plumber beat me in record time! MACH SPEED!


Cannoli: Got you!


Topmaniac: Idiot.



Iggy: What turn control! Good thing this isn’t a racing game!

Topmaniac: Why don’t you warp away, huh, Cannolidiot?! Why don’t you warp away?!


Cannoli: Can’t… move… ARMS! AUUUUUGH!


Cannoli: Finally got free… You’re more skilled than you look, I must admit. But how will you deal with this?


Iggy: Cannoli changed his costume into a spacesuit!

Topmaniac: Easily!


Cannoli: Pathetic!

ZAP! ZAP! ZAP! Zap zap zap zap zap zap zap zap!

Iggy: He shot lasers that are bouncing off the arena walls! Topmaniac’s in a jam!

Topmaniac: Woah! Whoops! Woah!

Cannoli: And now that you’re preoccupied… it’s time to reclaim my honor!


Topmaniac: Hey, no fair!

Cannoli: Nothing in the life of a thief is fair! Now prepare yourself!

Fling! Fling! Fling!

Iggy: Cannoli’s throwing bombs everywhere! How will Topmaniac be able to dodge them [i]and the lasers!


Iggy: I guess the answer was “he won’t”.

Topmaniac: Now that I’m in the air, it’s time to deal the final blow!

Cannoli: Think again!


Topmaniac: A drill, huh? My area of expertise!


Iggy: It’s a spinning duel! Who will come out on top?

Cannoli: Weapons systems lowering. You’re good at this.

Topmaniac: That’s right! Nobody can beat me at spinning!

Cannoli: And you’re unparalleled in getting distracted by drills while I electroshock you.

Topmaniac: What?




Cannoli: And for good measure…Deactivate!


Pokey: Winner, Count Cannoli.

Cannoli: An excellent victory. Goodstyle, you shall receive your lion’s share of the gems today.

Larry: How could I be wrong? I flipped five coins!

Roy: Actually, Larry, I’d like to test those coins.

Larry: Really? For accuracy?

Roy: No, if they conduct electricity better than you. Strap on in.

Larry: *sigh…* End transmission…

The Winner

The Loser

Voting Results (highlight to see):
1. Topmaniac: 56%
2. Count Cannoli: 44% - Lucky 2x!
Nominee Results (highlight to see):
1. Bandit: 44%
2. Manta Storm: 31%
3. Terrormisu, Koopaleon: 13%
Failed Nominations: These eligible fighters were nominated, but not often enough to make the ballot.
- Baron Brrr, Bomb Boo, Boo, Chain Chomp, DK, Dr. Shroob, Gooper Blooper, Jr. Troopa, Kamella, Koopa Kid, Mokura, Morton, Nibbles, Petey Piranha, Pigarithm, Rollodillo, Vivian, Waluigi, Wario
Disallowed Nominations: You're not allowed to nominate these now - so don't waste your vote!
- Bowser X (no such character)
- White Shy Guy (either counts as a Shy Guy, which already fought this season; or is not an enemy)
- Popple (retired season winner)
- Ludwig (already fought this season)
- Bowser Castle (already fought this season)
- Weegee (not an official character)
- Bowser Jr. and Fawful (only one selection may be made at a time)
- Lemmy (already fought this season)
- Fawful (already fought this season)

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