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Count Cannoli
Axem Rangers
Season Nine, Round Two, Fight 4
The Red Corner

Games: Super Mario RPG
Sports Hall: 1-2, Rank 116
(more info)

The Green Corner

Games: SMB3, SM64, NSMBW
Sports Hall: 1-1, Rank 89
(more info)

The Yellow Corner

Count Cannoli
Games: Wario Master of Disguise
Sports Hall: 2-2, Rank 81
(more info)

The Blue Corner

Axem Rangers
Games: Super Mario RPG
Sports Hall: 1-0, Rank TBD
(more info)


Roy: And thus begins the fourth part of Round Two at Roy’s Sports Hall!

Larry: Actually, we got postponed.

Roy: I’m sorry, what? I never heard about that.

Larry: There’s some television special going on over the Sports Hall, although oddly enough they want to film here.

Roy: What is it? I’ll punch them myself.

Larry: Uh… ”The Silver Zephyr in the Great Arena Heist.”

Roy: The Silver Zephyr?

Count Cannoli: Indeed!

Roy: YOU!

Count Cannoli: I, the magnificent master thief known as the Silver Zephyr, have stolen your airtime!

Larry: How devious.

Roy: All right, but if you want to fight here you’ll have to pay me for the licensing fees. I’m thinking the money you stole from King Dad’s treasury, plus that golden boxing glove on a spring from the season finale?

Count Cannoli: Well played.

Roy: All right then, now that that’s settled, welcome to Roy’s Sports Hall–

Count Cannoli: The site of my greatest steal of all… victory!

Roy: Are you going to talk like that for the whole battle?

Count Cannoli: Yes, but you needn’t worry, this battle won’t last long.

Roy: Just get in the ring. Bandit, let’s go.

Bandit: Sorry I’m late, Roy. I was playing some Balloon Pop and the time just flew.

Roy: Hey, I’m the MASTER of Balloon Pop.

Larry: Is that because of your weight?


Larry: AHHHH! My hair!

Bandit: And presenting the fighters! In the Red Corner, it’s the cold-blooded, cold-hearted criminal! CROCO!

Croco: Roy, you wouldn’t be against another, ah, arrangement, would you?

Roy: Sorry, you should’ve talked to me beforehand. No time, you see.

Croco: Rats.

Bandit: In the Green Corner is the cutest lil’ underdog you ever did see, MICROGOOMBA!

Microgoomba: I can win this! I’m the strongest!

Bandit: In the Yellow Corner is–

Count Cannoli: The Silver Zephyr! He’ll need to use all of his wits in order to defeat his opponents and steal the trophy from the safe!

Roy: I can hear you!

Count Cannoli: All part of the challenge.

Bandit: And in the Green Corner, they fight for evil and injustice. It’s the AXEM RANGERS!

Axem Red: We’re coming for you next, Bandit!

Axem Black: But first we’ll finish you guys off!

Axem Yellow: Two burglars and a Goomba? Who thought that was fair?

Axem Green: We’ll be done before you can even make a move!

Axem Pink: And that’s it, we ran out of lines.

Bandit: And who do you predict, Larry?

Larry: NOOOO! I spent so much time gelling and shaping!

Roy: Let’s count that as a vote for Microgoomba. And let’s get started, Pokey!

Pokey: Fight.


Count Cannoli: I decided to begin with the crocodile. He was potential competition.

Croco: Well you’re potential DEAD MEAT! YAAAH!


Count Cannoli: Watch where you throw those, they might hit someone!

Croco: Take THIS!

Whoosh! Whoosh! Whoosh!

Bandit: Count Cannoli is moving with surprising speed for someone so rotund!

Croco: Nobody messes with Croco!


Count Cannoli: OW!

Croco: NOBODY!


Count Cannoli: GUAARGH!

Croco: Nnngh!

Bandit: Ooh, looks like Croco caught him with a bite and a Bob-omb from deadly close range. And what are the Axem Rangers doing?

Axem Red: Okay, they’re concentrating on each other! Time to get them while they’re distracted!

Axem Black: Sounds cool. Attack Formation Delta Shades?

Axem Red: I thought we were doing Scarlet Hawk.

Axem Yellow: No, we were doing Seafood Takeout, weren’t we?

Axem Black: Shut up, Yellow.

Axem Pink: Why don’t we split up and each execute our own plan?

Axem Red: Yeah, that sounds right! Teamwork is best when everyone’s working on their own!

Axem Black. Wait.

Axem Red: Yeah, that– Does anyone know where Green is?

Axem Green: STATIC E!



Count Cannoli: Too slow!

Bandit: Count Cannoli used the Electro Costume and absorbed the electricity! I should be mad at him for stealing my move, but honestly I expected no less. And it looks like Microgoomba is… um… it looks like he’s just walking around.

Microgoomba: That’s what Goombas do best!

Axem Red: Green! What are you doing away from the group?!

Axem Green: You were just trading rhetoric! I had to capitalize–

Axem Red: Well why don’t you be team leader and we’ll see how well [i]you do?!

Axem Green: Maybe I will!

Axem Black: Just calm down, guys.

Croco: Yeah, youse might miss something! HAH!

Bandit: Croco’s thrown a yellow block at the Axem Rangers and–

Microgoomba: Now’s my chance!

Hop! Crunch!
Bandit: What an upset! Microgoomba jumped into the block to become one of those really annoying enemies from Mario Bros. 3!

Croco: But how?! I didn’t put no yellow blocks in here!

Microgoomba: It was generously donated by my cousins.

Croco: YOUSE–

Microgoomba: Ha ha!


Croco: ARGH!

Microgoomba: I’m credible! Yaaaaay!






Axem Green: Where did he go?

Axem Black: No changing the subject, you–

Count Cannoli: The arena is in chaos and Microgoomba’s keeping them distracted! Now’s my chance to sneak into the side while nobody notices and– Why are you gesturing with your hand, cameraman? Up? Is the trophy up in those box seats?

Bandit: IT’S MI– mmmph!

Roy: Don’t spoil the surprise!

Count Cannoli: What are you trying to tell me? Our ratings are way up? Of course they are, it’s a special–

Microgoomba: Incomiiiiiiiiiiiing!


Count Cannoli: Did someone get the number on that gravy train… ugh.

Pokey: Count Cannoli, eliminated.

Roy: YEAAAAAAAAAAH! That’s what you get!

Croco: U-urgh… ugh…

Bandit: Croco’s still barely able to move! Only the Axem Rangers arguing amongst themselves preserve him!

Croco: I can still… rob youse… in my sleep…

Microgoomba: Microgoombas are the best! I’ll smack that into your head!



Microgoomba: My block!

Croco: He he he he he! HEH HEH HEH HEH–


Croco: Im…possible…

Axem Black: You don’t know a thing about bombs.


Pokey: Croco, eliminated.

Microgoomba: It’s one Microgoomba against a team of five axe specialists. But I’ll win! I told my family back in my town that I was going to be the winner at sports! And I’ll show everyone that I’m the best!

Red: Well, I think we’ve got a plan, right?

Axem Black: Fine with me.

Axem Yellow: Yeah, let’s do it!

Axem Pink: Of course!

Axem Green: What was I telling you all along?
Axem Red: Then let’s do it! BREAKER BEAM…


Bandit: The floor’s split open to reveal a robot head! Roy, what do you know about this?

Roy: I know that Croco bribed me with chocolate coins. Cheap ones.

Microgoomba: I want to be… the very best… that no one ever was…

Axem Red: FIRE!!


Microgoomba: I can still stand… I can still stand… I can… still… stand…

Microgoomba: Hey, I’m still standing!


Axem Yellow: Not anymore.

Bandit: Winner, Axem Rangers.

Axem Rangers: WOOHOOO! GO TEAM!

Roy: For a Larry prediction, Microgoomba sure got far. But now I can step into the ring again!

Larry: Not before you defeat me! I will avenge the loss of my hair!

Roy: I’m not fighting until next week.


Roy: Just get in the chair.

Larry: Yeah, okay. End transmission.

The Winner

The Losers

Voting Results (highlight to see):
1. Microgoomba: 39%
2. Axem Rangers: 28% - Lucky!
3. Croco: 16% + 14% Counter Bonus
4. Count Cannoli: 16%
Failed Nominations: These eligible fighters were nominated, but not often enough to make the ballot.
- All nominations will roll over to the second half of the season
Disallowed Nominations: You're not allowed to nominate these now - so don't waste your vote!
- Sonic (not a Mario character)
- Doopliss (retired season champion)
- Roy, Chain Chomp (already fought this season)
- Bowser's Sourpuss Bread
- Boshi vs Jinx vs Popple; Morton vs Fishbones (only one selection may be made at a time so all are disallowed)
- Daisy (not an enemy)

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