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Roy vs Dark Star vs Cackletta vs Shadoo

Announcer Referee <-Prev--Next->

***

Bandit: Welcome back, folks! Thank you all for the generous donations of your wallets while you weren't looking, they all help pay to keep the Sports Hall the wonderful place of violence and pain it is! And they helped pay for the special effects today.

Larry: What special effects?

Bandit: Oh, Roy set it up so that the sound of his fist striking the "other wimps" will be heard throughout the entire place! Also theme music, a really expensive fog machine that smells like steak, that kind of thing.

Larry: ... Where do you get that second one?

Bandit: Hey, don't ask me, it smells REALLY GOOD though!

Larry: And [i]that I will not disagree with!

Bandit: Smart kid!  Anyway, what we've got here is a battle for the ages, a fight where the true underdog is a witch who had an entire kingdom underneath her iron fist through her sheer power!

Larry: Who got outsmarted by Peach.

Bandit: ... Even so, we have three distinctly more impressive fighters than that one! We're talking final boss tier times three, and then the absolutely unstoppable force, the immovable object, and an all-around good guy! In the Red Corner, it's your hero and mine, ROOOOOOOOOOOY
KOOOOOPAAAAAAA!

SHING! WHAM! GUITAR SOLOOOOOOO!

Roy: AW YEAH! Who's the best, folks? That's right, ME! ME! ROY!

Bandit: I'm getting paid extra for that, right?

Roy: You don't get paid in the first place.

Bandit: Insurance for next week then?

Roy: Eh, whatever.

Bandit: I'll take that as a moral victory. In the Green Corner, we have one of Lemmy's balls that someone painted scary colors and put a frowny face on!

Dark Star: YOU SHALL BE DEVOURED JUST AS ALL THE OTHERS SHALL!

Bandit: In the Blue Corner, we have a sentient blob of tar who is really good at killing things!

Shadoo: Resistance is futile. Forfeit now, and I shall keep your soul intact until the end, or else let it be torn to pieces.

Bandit: And the ugly one!

Cackletta: ... That's the best you can come up with?

Bandit: Clearly!

Cackletta: Sheer power won't win the day, boys. It'll be the wits and intelligence of the fittest who shall see this throu-

Larry: Outsmarted by Peach.

Cackletta: SHUT. UP.

Laugh Track!

Cackletta: YOU STOP THAT TOO!

Roy: Nah, see, the special effects do that on their own. It comes on when someone's being outrageously stupid.

Bandit: Right-o! So, Larry, before the three competent ones tear the universe asunder, who do you favor?

Larry: Well, the underdog is Cackletta, and normally under such pressing circumstances I would support the underdog because, hey, who doesn't want to see one of those win? But then I realized she was outsmarted by Peach-

Laugh Track!

Cackletta: We've had enough of that gag, THANK YOU!

Larry: -so I thought to myself "Ha, no way!" So I picked Roy because he's the most present and immediate threat to my safety at any given moment.

Shadoo: I would be glad to correct that.

Larry: ... *gulp*

Bandit: And there you have it, Larry chooses death by being swallowed into endless darkness, as opposed to by his brother's bare hands! Pokey?

Pokey: Fight.

DING! DING! DI-

Roy: STEEL CHAIR THROW!

Dark Star: TENDRILS OF DARKNESS!

Shadoo: CHAOTIC FLAME!

Cackletta: We starte-

FWOOM! CRASH CRASH! THWACK! KA-BONG!

Cackletta: EARRRRRGH!

Bandit: All three of them cheated at the same time! And that green, lumpy thing is looking really beat up!

Roy: Well that was fun. So, which one of you chumps wants some first?

Ooooooohhhhhhh!

Bandit: Those sound effects are going to get annoying, aren't they?

Larry: You have NO idea.

Shadoo: Enough. Hammer of Darkness!

Clutch!

Roy: Sorry, NOT GUNNA HAPPEN!

Whoooooooooo!

Bandit: Shadoo threw a dark version of Mario's hammer right at Roy, but he caught it in midair!

Roy: And now, right back AT Y-

Shadoo: Fools do not learn from their mistakes. This world will be so simple to conquer.

Roy: Wha- A-AAAHHHHHH!

Gasp!

Bandit: OH right, when Shadoo throws stuff at you it turns into this giant mass of darkness that threatens to swallow you whole! I remember now!

Roy: ARGH! G-GET THEM... GET IT... OFFF... OF... ME!

WHAM! BAM! CRACK!

Shadoo: Surrender. It is hopeless. You shall be assimilated into my being, just as all the others were.

Dark Star: THE TECHNIQUE IS OVERDONE.

Shadoo: Who are you to question my power?

Dark Star: ONE OF GREATER POWER. DARK METEOR SWARM!

Shoom! Shoom! Crash!

Shadoo: YOU... YOU FOOL! ARGH! Very well... I shall take care t-

Roy: HEY SHADOO?

Shadoo: WHAT IS IT NOW, YOU SIMPLETON?!

Roy: Here's comin' right back AT YA!

Gasp!

Shadoo: ... This does not bode we-

SMASH! BANG! BOOM!

Bandit: UNBELIEVABLE! With nothing more than sheer physical strength, not only did Roy stop Shadoo from overtaking his body, he hit all that dark energy right into one of Dark Star's meteors, and SMASHED it right into Shadoo!

Shadoo: T...the power of... my own power... against me... hah. How... how amusing... No, no amusing isn't... it isn't the right word... It's almost... sad...

Dark Star: THE LESSER BEING HAS BEEN TAUGHT ITS PLACE. NOW T-

Roy: Alley-oop!

Dark Star: SUCH INSOLENCE!

THWAM! ROY UPPERCUT! CRUNCH! Cheering!

Bandit: OOH, you could hear the clashing of bone and... uh... whatever Dark Star is made out of in that uppercut!

Shadoo: Ha!

Dark Star: WHAT? WHAT IS THIS?!

Shadoo: You... who would dare challenge my power... you are DEFEATED! REALITY SQUEEZE!

Dark Star: WHAT?!

Shrieking! CRUNCHWHIRLSLAM!

Bandit: I... I don't even understand what happened right there.

Shadoo: It is relatively simple. Our existence is in parallel with many others. All that was required was to crush the very fabric of dimensions focused on that exact point around the Dark Star. With the pressure of endless realities focused on closing it in, it is surely ground to a fine paste by now.

Dark Star: ...

Shadoo: ... Of course, this reality tends to defy my expectations for its amusement. Revolting!

Dark Star: ... I... SHALL NOT... PERISH... SO... EASILY!

Cheering!

Bandit: Well whatever it was, all it did was nearly destroy the world. ALMOST enough to beat Dark Star, but not quite!

Dark Star: FOOLS. FAILURE... IS BENEATH... THE DARK STAR!

Roy: Aside from, y'know, all the times when you failed.

Shadoo: I must agree... You ARE... quite pitiful...

Cackletta: Excuuuuse me.

Poke!

Shadoo: A-A-ARGH! WHAT?! HOW... CAN THIS BEEEEEEEEEEEE?!

Ka-Boom! Cheering!

Roy: ...

Bandit: ...

Larry: ...

Dark Star: ...

Cackletta: What? I just channeled a bunch of light magic. I'm not COMPLETELY pathetic, you fools. Eyeheheheheheheh! Do NOT take a witch lightly!

Pokey: Shadoo, out.

Dark Star: DULY NOTED... MORTAL. DARK NOVA!

FWOOM! Oooooohhhhh!

Cackletta: Wha-what is THAT?

Dark Star: RUN, RUN! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Bandit: That is a MASSIVE ball of black fire chasing Cackletta now! She's decided that taking the form of a bat to flee is the best option!

Sizzle!

Bandit: Aaaaand, by the sound of that, it clearly was not.

Dark Star: YES, LET THEM ALL PERISH! LET THEM A-

Wham!

Roy: No.

Bam!

Roy: You.

Crack!

Roy: PERISH!

ROY SPECIAL!

Dark Star: FAILURE IS BENEATH MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee-

Ding!

Pokey: Dark Star, out.

Roy: Whelp, now that all the hammy over-acting's outta the way, this'll be a snap.

Bandit: Roy just knocked the Dark Star into next week, at the very least! Possibly months! That...that was just... I can't even see where he flew!

Larry: Ehit me in teh 'ead nnnit hurssshhh!

Bandit: Amen.

Incredibly Loud Cheering!

Roy: So, who's left? Oh, right, hag. Well, letsee, I think I'll...

Cackletta: Look over there! It's a distraction!

Roy: What WHERE?! I'LL KILL THAT DISTRACTION!

Laugh Track!

Roy: SHUT UP! I NEED T-

Cackletta: Electric B-

Roy: Oh no you don't!

Ka-wham!

Cackletta: *wheeze* Ohh...

*thump*

Bandit: Outstanding! Cackletta tried to take advantage of the distracted Roy to launch a lightning bolt, but Roy saw it coming and pummeled her to the ground. Looks like this one's over, folks!

Pokey: Roy, winner.

Roy: (blowing on fist) Who else wants some? It's on the house!

???: You should look before you leap! Eyeheheh!

Roy: What? ... You!

Cackletta: Well done defeating the clone I created while your back was turned! Now if you want another surprise, look down!

Roy: Well ok but I'm sure I'm not going to see anything except my own two Oh No Way!

Cackletta: It's been fun plotting this victory, but now I must say goodbye.

Roy: This isn't over...!

.............. *thump*

Larry: ... It's over, isn't it.

Bandit: You mean after Roy fell into that bottomless pit Cackletta planted under him? Looks like.

Larry: Pokey did kind of already name Roy the winner, though...

Pokey: Correction: Cackletta, winner.

Cackletta: True cunning prevails!

Larry: Peach.

Cackletta: Shut it!

Laugh Track!

Bandit: So, how did we all miss Cackletta's duplication trick, anyway?

Larry: I blame not myself. Looks like Pokey's slipping, though.

Pokey: *shrug* Distracted...

Bandit: By nothing...?

Larry: Hey, with Roy out of the picture looks like I get off pain-free this week, huh?

Cackletta: Now everyone will face the wrath of Cackletta! Eyah!

*Crackle!*

Larry and Bandit: BlagiagiagiagiAAG!!!

Pokey: End...