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Cackletta vs Axem Rangers

Announcer Referee <-Prev--Next->

***

Fawful: …and this is why I am objecting to the position of being nailed to the floor that you place Mistress Cackletta in! It is of stupidity, much like the color pink, which is of you! Furururururu-

Wham! Bam! Crack! Ding!

Roy: Remind me why we kept that guy here?

Bandit: You locked him in the dungeon.

Roy: We have a dungeon?

Bandit: We do now.

Roy: Sweet. But I mean without, like, a gag or something.

Bandit: You just hit him every time he tried to speak up until we brought him out here. It was pretty cool.

Roy: Awesome. Yeah, the last two weeks were kind of a blur with how dang fun it was to punch that guy in the face!

Bandit: Why did we make it two, again?

Roy: You ever heard how fun it is to punch this guy in the face?

Bandit: Wel-

Roy: IT'S REALLY FUN.

Bandit: Regardless, thanks for dealing with the brief recess, and welcome back to Roy's Sports Hall, folks!

Roy: It. Is. AWESOME.

Bandit: It is indeed! And here we wait for Cackletta to pull yet another stupid and highly annoying upset!

Roy: I beat her and her toady up so bad I don't even care anymore! I'll just punch Larry into submission if she wins this time, instead of destroying property! Everyone wins!

Larry: Wait, what?!

Bandit: Rather attached to the Green Corner, we have the sickly hag of complete repulsiveness, Cackletta!

Cackletta: You do realize that I can merely teleport out of this disadvantage, correct? Nails are no problem.

Roy: They are if they're MAGIC-DRAINING NAILS!

Cackletta: ... Well drat.

Bandit: And in the Yellow Corner, we have a team of robotic teenagers with a thirst for destruction, the Axem Rangers.

Axem Red: ALL RIGHT GUYS, SUPER SENTAI POSE POSITIONS!

Axem Green: SMART COCKY POSE!

Axem Pink: CUTE POSE THAT'LL CAUSE ODD FEELINGS IN ALL THE PRETEEN BOYS!

Axem Yellow: STANDING IN THE BACK WITH MY HANDS UP!

Axem Black: LEANING AT THE SIDE LOOKING LIKE I DON'T CARE!

Axem Red: AWESOME TEAM LEADER POSE OF AWESOMENESS! WE ARE

Axem Rangers: THE AXEM RANGERS!

Bandit: ... Yes. Yes they are. In any case, Larry, what are y-

Larry: Cackletta.

Bandit: Any reaso-

Larry: She got outsmarted by Peach. But these guys were literally BEATEN by Peach. Just, just think for one minute: a BIRTHDAY CAKE defeated Peach through the almighty power of THROWING IT AT HER, and these clowns couldn't beat her by trying.

Bandit: But wasn't your father beaten by Peach that one time? And King Boo and Petey Piranha an-

Larry: That game never happened.

Bandit: And there you have it! Pokey?

Pokey: Fight.

DING! DING! DING!

Axem Red: No sweat, guys, I got this. AXE TOSS!

Shing! Whiff!

Cackletta: ... Well, that was surprisingly easy.

Bandit: Cackletta teleported out of the way... somehow! Magic-draining nails, eh?

Roy: I lie. What about it? It almost worked, didn't it?!

Cackletta: Mwehehehehehe... Well, now that this is out of the way... LIGHTNING ATTACK!

Axem Green: I DON'T THINK SO! AXE CYCLONE!

Shoom! Shoom! Zap!

Cackletta: Blagityblagityblagityblagity- GRRRR!

Axem Pink: Blagityblagityblagityblagi- GREEEEEEN!

Axem Yellow: Green! Do NOT aim in our direction! That could've hurt if it didn't just tickle me!

Axem Green: It's lightning! Get out of the line of fire, tubby!

Axem Pink: Hey, I got hit, too! Are you calling my design large?!

Axem Green: I work with idiots.

Bandit: Axem Green repelled the lightning with some fancy and highly girly ax twirling, but it seems to have hit some of his teammates!

Cackletta: While you're bickering, I suppose I-

Axem Black: Nope.

KA-SHOOM!

Axem Black: Groovy.

Bandit: WOAH! Axem Black got behind Cackletta while she was distracted and hit her with some kind of energy attack!

Axem Black: Now then... let's rock!

KER-SHEEN! STRUNNUNNUHNUHNUHNUHNUH!

Bandit: A very loud guitar riff is going through the entire stadium!

Cackletta: Turn that INFERNAL racket down, or I wi-

Axem Red: NOW, TEAM!

Axem Rangers: TEMPEST OF AXES!

Slash! Slash! Shing! Shing! Shing! Slash!

Cackletta: A-arrrrgh! Haah... haah... How clever...

Bandit: And when Black started sounding his mighty guitar chords, the other Axems grouped together to throw a massive flurry of axes at Cackletta.

Cackletta: Grrrr... Fools! SINK INTO OBLIVION!

Axem Black: Nada.

Axem Red: Not a chance!

Axem Pink: Ooh, too slow!

Axem Green: Tubby, get off! You're going t-

Axem Yellow: Yeah, we're the greatest! We- WOAH!

Axem Green: YOU FOOL! Argh!

Axem Yellow: GREEEEEEEEEEN!

Falling!

Axem Green: I hate how slow he happens to be. In both processing and reaction time.

Bandit: Cackletta sent out a flurry of holes through the arena. All of the Axems skillfully dodged, except for Green and Yellow, who were too busy gloating! Green, though, knocked Yellow into the pit to save his own hide!

Axem Red: GREEN! That was not very paragon of you!

Axem Green: Whatever. Tubby's bulk isn't going to do us much good against a spellcaster who can fly circles around him, anyway.

Axem Red: But we are a TEAM! It's a FIVE-MAN DYNAMIC! Can you imagine the repercussions of losing even ONE member of that team?

Axem Pink: Petal Dance!

Cackletta: Unlikely! Magical Barrier!

Axem Pink: Argh! How dare you?! Axe Rush!

Cackletta: Hooh? Feel this pain. VAMPIRIC TOUCH!

Shing! Shing! Clang! Bang!

Axem Green: Tactical maneuvers are necessary!

Axem Red: You use LIGHTNING against someone who ALSO uses lightning! That's a LOT more worthless than Yellow hitting stuff through the almighty power of HITTING IT!

Bandit: And it appears the two females have decided to duke it out while the rest of the Axems argue amongst themselves.

Cackletta: Hmph. Quicker than I would have expected.

Axem Pink: A-argh! Systems at... 40% capacity... Makeup ruined... Activating healing protocol. Black! Cover me!

Axem Black: You got it. SPRITZ BOMB!

Cackletta: FUTILE RESISTANCE! Behold, THE SWARM!

Kree! Kree! Bang! Bang bang boom! Boom!

Axem Black: ARGH!

Bandit: Axem Black jumped high in the air and unleashed a ton of bombs, but Cackletta quickly countered by using a massive swarm of bats that she... apparently has under her robes...

Cackletta: They are called FAMILIARS!

Bandit: Right... Anyway, they all flew up and blew up the bombs in midair, much closer to Black than Cackletta!

Axem Pink: All right... ready! First Aid, coming u-

Cackletta: Why hell-O DEAR!

Axem Pink: EEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!

Smash! Tha-thump. Tha-thump. Tha-thump.

Cackletta: Excellent. This will do perfectly, hmmmhmmhmmm!

Axem Green: That sounded like a completely helpless and feminine scream!

Axem Red: PINK!

Axem Pink: ...

Axem Red: You, uh... Well now that you have that hole in your chest you, uh...

Axem Pink: Systems... shutting down... Error... Data absorbed... Bzzzzzz...

Clunk!

Cackletta: She was quite proficient in magic. I'm rather lucky to be such a fan of vampires, or draining her magical essence would have been a bit of a chore.

Axem Red: Not FAIR! We totally wrecked you with combo attacks! Healing is STUPID!

Cackletta: It isn't healing so much as stealing the health of someone else. See? Same amount of health, I just distribute it to myself!

Bandit: Axem Pink appears to be completely down! Cackletta lunged at her while she was preparing a spell, and tore her open with her... uh... old woman fingers?

Cackletta: VAMPIRIC STRENGTH.

Bandit: Right, that.

Axem Red: Black? WHERE IS BLACK?!

Axem Black: Yo.

Axem Red: You are supposed to BACK HER UP when I am giving mighty arguments! What was going on?

Axem Black: I'm missing my left arm.

Axem Red: BY SMITHY'S BEARD! How are you still standing, man?!

Axem Black: Because I am... the last man standing.

YEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Axem Red: ... Did you just program that sound effect to happen every time you say a one-liner?

Axem Black: It just happens.

Axem Green: Hoh! You nearly got me there!

Cackletta: Hmph. Cocky pest, aren't you?

Bandit: And while Black and Red serve as comic relief, Green's narrowly avoiding lightning shots from Cackletta.

Cackletta: Hey. Hey, guess what, Green?

Axem Green: Hmph. What is it?

Cackletta: I'm so confident in my victory, I'm going to tell you that my next thunderbolt will be to the left.

Axem Green: Hah! Take THI-

Shock!

Axem Green: BLAGITYBLAGITYBLAGITYBLAGI-

Cackletta: And METEORITE PIERCE!

Shing!

Axem Green: ... I feel oddly... light-headed...

Plop!

Axem Red: GREEN! Grrrrr... You said you were throwing it to the left... Why didn't he go to the RIGHT?!

Cackletta: Reverse-psychology is a fantastic tool. Piercing someone's skull with a tiny fragment of space rock is a slightly better one.

Axem Red: You... YOOOOOU! GRRRRRRRRRRRGH! WHEN ALL THE CHIPS ARE DOWN, THE AXEM RANGER LEADER POWERS UP FOR BATTLE. VALOR UUUUUUUPPPPPP!

Bandit: Oh sweet coins, AXEM RED IS GLOWING RED SLIGHTLY! THIS IS... entirely unimpressive.

Axem Black: Still here.

Cackletta: WOULD YOU CARE TO PERISH AS WELL?

Axem Black: Peace.

Axem Red: Hah! He knows that all true heroes stand alone!

Bandit: And it appears Axem Black has left the arena to check on all the coins he bet on Cackletta winning!

Axem Red: ... BLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!

Cackletta: Oh, this'll be good. COME ON! BRING IT ON!

Bandit: How come Cackletta has never been this confident in any other match?

Roy: Winning streak. It happens.

Bandit: Bu-

Roy: When a loser starts to win, you never hear the end of it. Just look at Larry.

Larry: Oooh, I'm a season champion, and Roy got eliminaaated~

Bandit: I see. So he's going to get beaten for that?

Roy: Nah. I'm just going to put a Poison Mushroom in his dessert tonight.

Bandit: Sweet.

Axem Red: Grrrrr! BERSERKER BARRAGE!

Slash! Slash! Slash! Shing!

Cackletta: A-argh! Impossible, how can you be so quick?!

Axem Red: The hero always gets last minute power-ups to defeat the villain. That's why I'm the leader! Now then... AXEM BUSTER!

SHOOM!

Cackletta: EARRRRRRRRRRGH!

Fizzle. Fizzle.

Axem Red: Haah... hah... There we go.

Bandit: And with a massive blast of energy, Axem Red seems to have made Cackletta's body extra crispy.

Axem Red: Now then... shall you surrender?

Cackletta: ...

Poof!

Axem Red: WHAT?!

Cackletta: Body doubles and duplication spells. Never leave home without them.

Axem Red: Yo-

Cackletta: FRY!

SHING! SHING! SHING! SHING! SHING!

Axem Red: BLAGITYBLAGITYBLAGITYBLAGI... Systems shutting down... Remember to... counter... stupid electricity weakness...

Plop!

Pokey: Axem Rangers, down. Cackletta, winner.

Bandit: Well, we actually got fighting in that episode! That's quite impressive!

Roy: Yeah, yeah, impressive, right.

Voting Results (highlight to see): 1. Axem Rangers: 58% 2. Cackletta: 42% - Yeah yeah, Lucky. At least the odds weren't astronomical this time. *sigh*	_
Failed Nominations: These eligible fighters were nominated, but not often enough to make the ballot. - All nominations will roll over to the second half of the season	Disallowed Nominations: You're not allowed to nominate these now - so don't waste your vote! - Iggy, Lemmy (already fought this season) - Toad (not an enemy, though I'd love to see him get crushed in the ring) - Mr. Krabs (... yeah, since there's no money in it, he ain't coming) - King Boo and Kamek (only one fighter may be nominated, also Kamek is a retired Champion)