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Count Bleck vs Cackletta

Announcer Referee <-Prev--Next->

***

Roy: At last, we’re near the end of the first half of Season Nine! In the ring are two crowd favorites with approximately equal strength.

Count Bleck: How ridiculous, interjected Count Bleck! I’ve conquered entire dimensions! What can you hope to do?

Cackletta: I made Bowser wear makeup.

…

Cackletta: That did not sound as good as it did in my head.

Roy: Well, finally. For once, we can get a contestant who isn’t a pushover like the others to get rid of Cackletta’s annoying winning streak. The more I see her win, the more bad memories get whipped up.

Larry: What bad memories?

Roy: I was… I was… A MINIBOSS! *sob*

Larry: Oh, that. That wasn’t so bad.

Roy: Speak for yourself! I deserve boss status in every Mario game at the least. Either that or I rip up the contract and go home.

Larry: That explains why you’re in so few games.

Roy: What can I say, they just don’t recognize a genius like me.

Bandit: I’m here! Sorry I’m late, I was pickpocketing the sky box.

Roy: I accept your fifty percent.

Bandit: I’m sorry?

Roy: I said I accept your apology.

Bandit: Yeah, yeah.

Roy: Now get to announcing! And then get to stealing while announcing!

Bandit: In the Yellow Corner is a melodramatic witch.

Cackletta: EEEEEYAHAHAHA! At last, victory is mine!

Bandit: And in the Green Corner is a purple guy who refers to himself in the third person.

Count Bleck: Only the most elite have that prerogative… claimed Count Bleck!

Roy: All right! By the end of this match, one or the other of these guys is going to be beaten to a pulp. Which means I win either way. But hey, let’s go with a prediction anyways!

Larry: Eh.

Roy: I’ll count that as a vote for Cackletta. Pokey!

Pokey: Fight.

DING DING DING!

Cackletta: HAHAHA!

ZAP! ZAP! ZAAAAAP!

Count Bleck: You’ll have to do better than that to defeat Count Bleck!

Bandit: Count Bleck deflected the lightning with some kind of shield.

Cackletta: That was only the beginning, my good Count. Behold!

POOF! POOF!

Bandit: Cackletta’s summoned two clones of herself… Which one is the real her?

Count Bleck: Ah, this attack. So reminiscent of my peon Dimentio. Ha!

BOOM! Squeak! Squeak! Squeak!

Count Bleck: What?! I guessed wrong?!

Cacklettas: INDEED!

ZAAAAP!

Count Bleck: BLAGIDIAGIDIAGIDIAGGGG! YOU WILL PAY!

Foom! Vwoooooooo…

Cacklettas: NOOOO!

BOOM!

Bandit: Very clever! Count Bleck created a portal that didn’t let the bats from the fake one escape!

Cackletta: *cough, cough* That’s enough. Time to show you the limits of my spellcraft!

Fwoop!

Count Bleck: A hole in the floor? How pedestrian, scoffed Count Bleck. I fly, you idiot! Why would you even think you could–

Cackletta: EEEEEYAHAHAHA!

Tremble tremble…

Bandit: What’s going on?

FWOOOOOOOOOP!

Count Bleck: IMPOSSIBLE!

Thwoop! WA-BAM!

Count Bleck: ARGH!

Bandit: How did– The hole detached itself from the ground and flew into the air!

Count Bleck: You will–

POOF! POOF!

Count Bleck: Not again… I’ll just–

Cacklettas: EEEEEYAHAHAHA!

Fwoop! Fwoop! Fwoop!

Bandit: Three holes have appeared in the air now!

Count Bleck: Now that I know what you can do, you won’t be hitting me again.

Cackletta: We’ll see.

WHOOSH! WHOOSH! WHOOSH! WHOOSH!

Bandit: I can hardly see what’s going on up there!

Count Bleck: Those portals move so slowly I can practically have a snack at the same time! Is this all you can–

Cackletta: Aha!

ZAAAAAAP!

Count Bleck: BLAGIDIAGIDIAGIDIAGGGGG! Ugh…

Bandit: Count Bleck’s falling to earth!

Cackletta: Not so fast!

FWOOP! FWOOSH FWOOSH FWOOSH FWOOSH FWOOSH FWOOSH FWOOSH…

Bandit: Count Bleck’s being thrown in between two portals! If he hits the ground, it’s game over if he doesn’t have any extra lives!

Cackletta: EEEEEEEEEYAHAHAHAHAAA!

CRASH!

…

Count Bleck: Was that truly all you can muster, taunted Count Bleck?

Bandit: Ooh, I think we had all forgotten about that shield! He still looks beaten up, though…

Cackletta: You’re a tough one.

Count Bleck: I am a final boss, after all. But no more talking.

ZAP! ZAP! ZAP!

Count Bleck: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! …laughed Count Bleck.

FWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSH!

Cackletta: Guh…GUAAAAAAAH!

Bandit: All three Cackletta clones were pulled into a truly massive portal! I can’t see anything going on in there, but…

…

Fwoooooop!

Bandit: Whoops, never mind! Count Bleck reduced the portal to a tiny little dot and Cackletta’s nowhere to be seen!

Count Bleck: And thus, you are erased.

Pop!

Pokey: Winner, Count Bleck.

Count Bleck: Truly another astonishing victory. Now if you will excuse me, I must rest in preparation for Round Three.

FWOOSH!

Roy: All right! The next match is Round Three and then we can finally get moving on the next part of the season!

Larry: Yeah, but if the voters act like they did this round…

Roy: Don’t mention that, you’re just encouraging them! Now get in the chair.

Larry: I don’t think it deserves that much–

Roy: No, don’t you remember? You lost your prediction.

Larry: I don’t remem– Wait…

***

Larry: Eh.

***

Larry: Wait, I didn’t mean it! I was playing Pilotwings!

Roy: Ooh, really? I’ll take that.

Larry: And you’ll let me go?

…

Larry: Who am I kidding?

Roy: Good boy.

Larry: BLAGIDIAGIDIAGIDIAGGGG! END TRANSMISSION!