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Return to Lemmy's Land.
Kamek: Ha! I knew you would need me for this publicity, clearly this is a sign that I am a necessary part!
Roy: Nah, you're still a loser. It's just an added bonus you go with the theme of this week's announcement.
Kamek: Which iiiiissss?
Roy: Guys who are weaker than me but somehow have a better record. Because they cheat.
Kamek: And you don't?
Roy: I just don't get caught.
Kamek: ... And they do?
Roy: ... This sounded a lot cooler in my head.
Kamek: Regardless, welcome finally to the first Round 3 outing of Season 9 of Roy's Sports Hall!
Roy: And it's even lamer than least season's Round 3's!
Kamek: Right you are, as we have three characters with no physical strength whatsoever, and Ludwig!
Bandit: I take offense to that!
Count Bleck: Count Bleck has evolved beyond the need for things like "arms" and "spines".
Iggy: Eh, fair enough point.
Kamek: And, as clearly the best announcer in the business, we have myself, the brilliant Kamek, behind the mic!
Roy: You gunna get on with it anytime soon? I still got the brass knuckles ready with your name on them. Well, not really. It's actually my name, but I think there's still that imprint on 'em from the back of your head! That's gotta count for somethin' personal!
Kamek: ... Right. So, in the Red Corner, we have someone who's at least on the Top 10 list of favorite nutjob inventors in the ring, Ludwig!
Ludwig: I will thank you all for the grace period you've allowed me to calculate exactly how to win this match in the swiftest manner possible. Without your mucking around, I would be slightly less confident in my inevitable victory!
Kamek: In the Green Corner, it's Iggy! And uh... yeah. Iggy!
Iggy: C'mon, I can think of at least ten different lead-ins off the top of my head involving growing and shrinking powers alone! Not even a quip about my awesome hair?
Roy: It looks stupid and you could probably gag Wart with it.
Iggy: Thank you!
Kamek: In the Yellow Corner, we have Bandit, and at least half of the audience's belongings!
Bandit: Hey fellas! Bandit's the name, and in just a minute, I'll be liberating you of all your valuables!
Kamek: And in the Blue Corner, we have the one man who would rise from the gauntlet of pathetic Round 2 contestants... and also a pretty sharp dresser, Count Bleck!
Count Bleck: To his opponents, today is the day that seals their fates as failures in their pursuits. To Count Bleck, it is Saturday.
Kamek: Losers, one and all!
Kamek: And now, out of nothing but tradition and a desire to waste time, here's Larry!
Larry: Well Kamek, I did a lot of thinking,
and I came up with an incredibly intelligent formula to figure out the
winner. Based on factors of luck, skill, popularity, and strength, I made
foolproof method that will always guarantee the proper winner!
Larry: Unfortunately I drew a club out of my deck of cards, so I guess Iggy will win.
Kamek: And there you have it, the most foolproof and original system ever that will always guarantee a fair winner! Always!
Kamek: ... Well now that irony is taken care of, let's get this bloodbath started. Pokey?
DING! DING! DI-
Bandit: Cheating Bob-omb!
Count Bleck: Hmph!
Kamek: And in a technique STOLEN from our other thieves, Bandit uses the predictable but always classic opening move!
Roy: Please stop trying to make ironic statements. They hurt my soul. In the face.
Iggy: Well, that's a bit annoying. Luckily I have my trust-
Bandit: Yeeeeeah not so much anymore.
Iggy: GIVE ME BACK MY WAND!
Bandit: Hmmmm... nah.
Kamek: Wow, Bandit stole that in one fell swoop!
Roy: Wouldn't have worked on anyone but Iggy. Callin' it.
Ludwig: Hmph. Quite excellent!
Iggy: Give it BACK!
Kamek: A girly slap fight has broken out between Iggy and Bandit's left hand! Bandit seems to be winning!
Ludwig: Release charge!
Bandit: You feel somethi-
Iggy and Bandit: Blagityblagityblagityblagityblagity!
Ludwig: I do so enjoy planning ahead. All going as predicted...
Kamek: Ooh! Apparently Ludwig planted something on Iggy's wand before the match, and now it zapped Iggy and Bandit!
Bandit: Ha! Well I still have it s-
Bandit: Blagityblagitybla... On second thought, you can have it back.
Iggy: BLAGITYBLAGITYBLAGITYBLAGI- OW!
Kamek: With the main source of Iggy's power booby-trapped, what's the guy to do?
Iggy: MAGIC POWER, MAKE ME GROW!
GROWING SOUND EFFECT!
Kamek: ... Hold onto it anyway. How... uh... interesting.
Iggy: I've spent way too long as the family punching bag to be beaten by something like that!
Count Bleck: Then allow Count Bleck to teach you what 'pain' truly is.
RIP! Shoom! Shoom! Shoom!
Iggy: Nooo... NOOOOOO-
Kamek: What... What even WAS that?
Count Bleck: Count Bleck thinks ahead. Pocket dimensions of suffering, to open a hole in the twisted nether... it is nothing for Count Bleck to create these.
Kamek: Uh... Does teleportation to another dimension count as a ring-out?
Count Bleck: He shall return. Count Bleck will ensure he falls before Count Bleck's own ha-
Count Bleck: Argh!
Ludwig: Oh, I'm sorry, did I break your concentration? Please, keep going. It gives me more chances to shoot you.
Zap! Zap! Zap!
Count Bleck: This is INFURIATING, shouted Count Bleck as he was damaged slightly.
Kamek: And Ludwig's "let everyone else screw up while he takes shots at them" strategy seems to be paying off.
Bandit: You guys just keep using overly-convoluted strategies and I'll win, all right?
Ludwig: Oh no, you have my ray gun. Whatever will I do now.
Bandit: ... Oh, isn't that nice. You put the self-destruct switch on.
Bandit: Your acting needs work.
Count Bleck: Bleheheheh! Indeed!
Shoom! Whirl! Whirl!
Ludwig: Argh! You... you FOOLS!
Kamek: Bandit and the Count are teaming up, noting that Ludwig is an actual threat in this fight!
Ludwig: Mwahahahaha! Here, taste THIS!
Bandit: Too slow!
Count Bleck: Pathetic.
Count Bleck: ... Oh. It appears you singed my cape.
Bandit: MY HEAD IS ON FIIIIIIRE!
Kamek: Homing fireballs! Quite a nice trick there by Ludwig.
Ludwig: Indeed! And for the follow-up, I present to you these BOB-OMBS!
Fling! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!
Bandit: CATCHING THESE WHILE ON FIRE WAS NOT A GOOD IDEEEEEAAAAAA!
Kamek: Bandit tried using quick reflexes to catch the bombs, but he was, unfortunately, still on fire! Actually, never mind unfortunately. That was pretty funny.
Bandit: I... I still got... ha!
Kamek: Oh, Bandit pulled out a Mushroom!
Bandit: Now to just eat it an-
Count Bleck: And thus, Count Bleck denied the fool of his recovery. Blehehehehehehe!
Ludwig: Allow me.
Count Bleck: But of course, stated Count Bleck as he floated away, allowing his adversary to get the finishing blow in.
Ludwig: LUDWIG BOMB!
Bandit: ZAP TAP!
Ludwig: BLAGITYBLAGITYBLAGITYBLA- Argh!
Bandit: ... Oh right... I-I forgot... I still get hurt... ugh...
Pokey: Bandit, out.
Kamek: And we have our first elimination! Bandit tried pulling out a stolen badge to counter Ludwig, but he forgot that he would still take damage! It was enough to eliminate him!
Count Bleck: How kind of you to take his parting blow, mused Count Bleck, very entertained.
Ludwig: Silence! Even if my hypothesis is incorrect... a good inventor knows to simply go back to step one... and try again! Now... face THIS!
Count Bleck: Hmph! That was rather painful!
Kamek: Ooh, Ludwig brought lightning down on Count Bleck! I forgot he could do that!
Ludwig: Yes, and now OBSERVE! HI-JUMP KICK!
Count Bleck: You don't stand a CHANCE!
Count Bleck: How laughable, to face a master of time manipulation in physical combat! It amuses Count Bleck to no end!
Ludwig: ... ha.
Count Bleck: What is so funny, asked Count Bleck?
Ludwig: ... All I needed... was the opportunity. Just as I predicted... you can never keep yourself from gloating. Now then...
Beep... beep... beep...
Count Bleck: A TIME BOMB?! Count Bleck exclaimed wi-
Ludwig: It has been a pet project of mine: adhesive explosives. Applying one to the bottom of my foot when he swatted me away gave the opportunity I needed.
Count Bleck: Grrrr... You have damaged Count Bleck's cane! He is very upset an-
Count Bleck: ... Count Bleck hopes you're happy.
Ludwig: What? That I'm but a mere step away from victory? It's not as if a point-blank explosion is exactly something that you can survive.
Count Bleck: Look up, stated Count Bleck with but a hint of sarcasm.
Ludwig: Hm- OH NO!
Count Bleck: And this is what happens when fools do not understand the proper process of manipulation of space-time.
Iggy: Ugggghhhgh. So... so many... dizzy... things... with their eyes all... uh... Oh, I'm back? Neato!
Kamek: Wow, that was... actually pretty funny! Ludwig did enough damage that Count Bleck's concentration was broken, letting Iggy teleport back to the arena... while he was still giant... and about twenty feet above their heads.
Iggy: Huh? Ewwww, Ludwig's all over my foot, get him off!
Pokey: Ludwig, out.
Iggy: Now where's that othe-
Count Bleck: INSOLENCE!
Kamek: The Count's still alive! I guess having a force field that pops up to ward off attacks is a pretty good idea! He's still looking pretty beat, though!
Count Bleck: Such ridicule, such FOOLISHNESS! Count Bleck will see it come to an end!
Iggy: Oh yeah? Bring it on! I'm fully rested and ready for ya!
Count Bleck: Blehehehehe... AS YOU WISH!
Wham! Bam! Smack!
Iggy: ARGH! How dare you?!
Count Bleck: Your mass is far too great to harm the speed and unrelenting fury... of Count Bleck!
Kamek: Iggy's trying to score a hit on Bleck, but he's just too large and Bleck is too fast!
Iggy: Hah... Well then!
Kamek: Iggy's shrunk back to his normal size.
Iggy: And REVERSAL!
Count Bleck: ARRRRGH!
Kamek: Woah! Iggy re-grew his hand to massive size, delivering a huge uppercut to the Count when he did not expect it!
Iggy: Yeah! I'm the greatest! I'm- Wooooah!
Kamek: ... And now his arm is so large that it weighs more than he does, and he's pointlessly flailing in the air while he tries to get his arm back to regular size.
Count Bleck: Heh... clever. Count Bleck... would keep you as a servant... Count Bleck will keep your trickery in mind... but first...
Count Bleck: FACE THE VOID!
Crack! Crash! Bang!
Iggy: Wha- WOOOOOAH! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooo...
Roy: MY SPORTS HAAAAALLLLLLLLL!!
Pokey: Iggy, out. Count Bleck, winner.
Kamek: That was rather smart! While Iggy was shrinking down to normal size, Count Bleck used the opportunity to destroy the ground beneath him. The Sports Hall started to collapse around Iggy after his arm reverted to normal size, and he fell down a massive crevice!
Roy: Along with half of the Sports Hall...
Kamek: Hey... Where's Larry?
Roy: In said half of the Sports Hall.
Roy: Yeah, bittersweet kind of victory. But! This gives me a perfect opportunity...
Kamek: ... Oh no.
Roy: The more things change, the more they stay the same! Sit on down!
Kamek: No I-I'm allergic to the chair an- BLAGITYBLAGITYBLAGITYBLAGITY- END TRANSMISSION!
Roy: Welcome to the second half of the season, folks. Stick around for the AWESOME Season Ten, or I WILL find you.
|Voting Results (highlight to see):
1. Iggy: 39%
2. Ludwig: 29%
3. Count Bleck: 18% - Extreme Lucky!
4. Bandit: 14% - Knocked out!
Results (highlight to see):
1. Boo, Waluigi: 23%
2. Bowyer: 16%
3. Jr. Troopa: 10%
4. Game Guy, Junker, Laser Snifit, Muddy Buddy: 6%
5. Tenderling: 3%
These eligible fighters were nominated, but not often enough to make the
- Amazee Dayzee, Amp, Apprentice, Banzai Bill, Big Bob-omb, Big Bully, Big Lanturn Ghost, Bigger Boo, Blargg, Blue Virus, Bob-omb, Bonetail, Boo Man Bluff, Borp, Bowser, Bowser Jr, Bumpty, Buzzy Beetle, Captain Syrup, Carpaccio, Cheepskipper, Chomp, Cortez, Crystal King, Culex, Cursya, Dark Bones, Dry Bowser, Elder Shrooboid, Fracktail, Francis, Gloomba, Gobblegut, Goomba, Gritty Goomba, Grodus, Gourmet Guy Hector the Reflector, Jagger, Jinx, Kent C. Koopa, King Boo, Koopa Kid-3, Lakitu, L33t Hamm3r Broz, Lord Crump, Lord Iggy Koopa, Mecha-Bowser, Megahammer, Midbus, Morton, Mouser, Mrs. Thwomp, Nastasia, Peewee Piranha, Petey Piranha, Phanto, Poison Puff, Red Bones, Rocky Wrench, Rollodillo, Salvo the Slime, Shadow Queen, Shroob, Sledge Bro, Small Sammer Guy, Smithy, Snifit, Super Koopa, Terrapin, Terrormisu, Tolstar, Torion, Tweester, Ukiki, Undergrunt Gunner, Wario, Whomp (Giant?), Whomp King, Wiggler, Wizardheimer, X-Naut PhD, Yoob
You're not allowed to nominate these now - so don't waste your vote!
- Lemmy, Wendy (already fought this season)
- Diddy Kong (not a Mario character)
- Oogtar (not an enemy)
- Dark Bowser (not a separate character from Dark Star, who already fought this season)
- nashtia (... Vote counted for Nastasia. I THINK that's what he was looking for)
- Doopliss (retired season winner)
- Pink Yoshi (not an enemy)
- Shadow Peach (vote would have counted for Shadow Queen, but doesn't count at all because this was cast alongside a vote for Bandit, who was already eliminated by knockout by the time this vote was cast)
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