(The curtain rises on Dark Land and the title is shown.)

(Open to Mario, Luigi, Princess, and Toad eating pasta outside of Toad's House. Mario flips around and sees King Koopa and his kids marching towards them, holding a white flag.)

Mario: Impastable! King Koopa's throwing in the towel?

Koopa: Princess Toadstool, you're far too clever for a reptile such as me... a lowly, humble-

Toad: Stupid, ugly, twofaced...

Mario: Yeah Koopa, tell us something we don't already know.

Koopa: I'm calling it quits.

(The Princess gasps.)

Koopa: Me and my Koopalings are leaving the Mushroom Kingdom forever! I feel so bad I've caused you so much trouble. I just hope you have it in your heart to forgive me.

(Koopa sobs and blows his nose.)

Koopa: I know it won't make up for all the misery I've caused you, but I want you to have this; the key to Castle Koopa.

(Koopa gives Princess the key.)

Koopa: I'm donating our ex-home to charity. Say goodbye, kids!

(The Koopalings all wave goodbye. Koopa uses his wand to create a warp pipe which he and his kids jump into. It then disappears.)

Princess: Castle Koopa! I can turn it into a retirement home for elderly Mushrooms!

Toad: Oooh, remind me never to grow old!

Luigi: It's a trap, Princess, throw that key away and forgot that evil place ever existed!

Princess: But there are so many old people in my kingdom who need a nice place to live. Ah, I'm going to take a look at it right now.

Mario: You always worry too much, Luigi; I'll walk along and protect her. How dangerous can Castle Koopa be?

(The foursome runs up to a pipe.)

(Cut to the front door of Castle Koopa, where Mario and Princess have arrived.)

Princess: Just a little sprucing up, and this place will be real homey.

(Princess opens the door and a Dry Bones fall in front of them.)

Princess: Uh, with a little work, of course.

Mario: I'll go first.

(Mario pulls out his plunger and they enter the castle. They walk past various vain pictures of the Koopa Kids before coming to one of King Koopa. Mario thinks that the picture's eyes are following him, and they are.)

Princess: Ugh, that picture will be the first thing to go, it's as ugly and repulsive as King Koopa was in person.

(The doors close.)

Thwomp: Now that you've been enticed at Castle Koopa, take this!

Princess: Aah!

(Mario holds up his plunger and the Thwomp falls on top of it. Mario pulls it away and the Thwomp hits the floor.)

Thwomp: Rats! I missed! Ooh, I hate it when I miss!

(Mario and Princess run down the hall, avoiding more Thwomps, only to approach two Ptooies.)

Mario: Look out! A Ptooie!

Ptooie: Ptooie to you too, Mario!

(The Ptooies spit spiked balls at Mario and Princess. Mario hits them back with his plunger.)

Ptooey: Ouch, you make me so mad, I could spit!

(Mario and Princess run down a few more hallways.)

Mario: Some retirement home!

Princess: Ya gotta say one thing for it! The old folks wouldn't get bored living here!

(Mario and Princess reach an intersection.)

Princess: Gee, uh, which way back to the door?

(They fall through a trapdoor and land in the dungeon.)

Mario and Princess: Whoa! Yikes!

(Koopa and Cheatsy are standing outside of the dungeon by the door.)

Koopa: We have guests, Cheatsy! I hope they like our newly remodeled accommodations. Got an "A" rating, "A" for Awful! *laugh*

Princess: I should have known not to trust you!

Mario: Yeah, once a sewer breath slime wagon, always a sewer breath slime wagon.

Koopa: How nice of you to say so! (to Cheatsy) Now my boy, let me give you some more lessons in how to lie and cheat. *laugh* First, you tell them a big lie to get them in your clutches, then you squeeze them for the big payoff!

(Cheatsy is dancing to his walkman, which is playing the underground music. Koopa rips it off him.)

Cheatsy: Huh? Dad!

Koopa: King Dad to you, and pay attention! Watch me koop these dupes out of the Mushroom Kingdom!

Princess: The Mushroom Kingdom?! Never!

(Bowser presents Princess with a document.)

Koopa: Sign here, and your kingdom will be mine!

Mario: Save your bad breath, Koopa!

Koopa: If you don't you two will be forced into early permanent retirement here in my dungeon! *laugh*

Princess: I'll never sign my kingdom over to you!

Koopa: No? Then let me add some incentive!

(Koopa pulls a lever and Bob-ombs start to fill up the dungeon.)

Mario: Bob-ombs! Next to Koopa himself, they're my most unfavorite things!

Koopa: See Cheatsy? They have no choice! They must meet my sneaky demands or my hot-tempered little friends will explode! *laugh*

(A few more Bob-ombs fall into the dungeon and Princess gasps.)

(Cut to the water surrounding Castle Koopa. Luigi and Toad are in a motorboat.)

Toad: They've been in there too long, Luigi. Looks like someone better go in and see what happened.

Luigi: Well it looks like the only way in is through the drainpipe.

Toad: I agree, Luigi. Come get me when-

(Toad puts on a pair of sunglasses and sits back, but Luigi grabs his arms.)

Toad: Hey! Us Mushrooms get all gross and soggy and-

(They dive underwater and Luigi swims past some Bloopers, with Toad holding onto his foot. Toad turns around and freaks out. He tries to get Luigi's attention, while Luigi starts removing the drainpipe grate with a wrench. Luigi turns around and sees a Boss Bass approaching. He quickly finishes removing the grate and they enter the pipe. Luckily for them, the Boss Bass is too big to fit.)

(Cut to the dungeon.)

Cheatsy: I like your big bang theory, King Dad!

Koopa: Thanks son. See, to be a real big cheat, you have to double-trick, double-deal, and doublecross!

Cheatsy: Doublecross, huh?

Koopa: The sneakiest, dirtiest, rottenest way you can find. Got it?

Cheatsy: Got it, King Dad!

(In a hallway of the castle, Luigi and Toad come up through a manhole, only to be met by two Sledge Brothers.)

Luigi: Ooh, a Sledge Brother!

Luigi and Toad: Yikes!

(They try to get away but the Sledge Bros. stomp on the floor and trip them.)

(Luigi and Toad are thrown into the dungeon, while a Sledge Brother pulls Princess out.)

Koopa: Good work! Back to your posts!

(The Sledge Bros. walk off.)

Koopa: Now Princess, two more of your friends will meet an explosive fate.

Princess: Will your court photographers be there if I sign over the kingdom?

Koopa: Of course! It's the photo opportunity of my life!

Princess: Then I'll do it on two conditions; that you move us to the throne room, and that you change that tacky outfit.

Koopa: While I go get pretty, you take her to the throne room.

Cheatsy: Thanks for the cheating lesson, King Dad!

Koopa: One day my boy, you may just as big a cheat as I am!

(Koopa exits.)

Cheatsy: Not one day, King Dad! Today! Just watch me follow in your dirty footsteps! Guards!

(The Sledge Bros. return.)

Cheatsy: Take the prisoners away, to my room!

(The Sledge Bros. shrug.)

(Cut to Cheatsy's room. The Sledge Bros. are guarding the door, while Cheatsy and Princess are inside. Mario, Luigi, and Toad are in the chained up wardrobe.)

Mario: Let us out, you sneaky Koopaling. Let us out! Let us out! LET US OUT!

Cheatsy: Sign the kingdom over to me, or your pals go back for a Bob-omb party.

Princess: (sarcastically) Oh, I guess I have no choice.

(Princess turns around, signs the document, and hands it to Cheatsy.)

Princess: There!

Cheatsy: The Mushroom Kingdom is mine, mine! *laugh* I can't wait to tell Dad that I doublecrossed him!

Princess: (speaking into wardrobe) Get ready guys, I, um, the Sledge Brothers are breaking you out of here!

(Princess picks up Cheatsy's lamp and breaks it. The song "Without Getting' Burned" starts up. Sledge Brothers come and break open the wardrobe with their sledges. Mario, Luigi, and Toad run out and almost hit the Sledge Bros. Mario and Luigi jump up at the chandelier and swing over the Sledge Bros., who bombard them with sledges as they run out of the room. In the hallway, two Fire Chomps spit fireballs at the group, who are trapped at a dead end with a window. Princess and Toad open the window, while Mario and Luigi push the Fire Chomps out and they fall in the water. The group high fives each other as the song ends.

Toad: If we could only fly, we'd be out of here!

Mario: Not a bad idea! Maybe we can find a Super Leaf!

(Mario starts to bash at the ceiling, which is made of blocks. Cut to the throne room, where Goomba photographers are lined up along the red carpet. Koopa, who is wearing a red cape, walks down towards the throne. Cheatsy comes up behind him, trips him up, and jumps on the throne. Koopa gets up.)

Koopa: Whoa! Get off my throne, you ugly upstart!

Cheatsy: Careful, King Dad! Uh, ex-King Dad, I'm the new king of Mushroom Kingdom, see?

(Koopa sees the document and Cheatsy takes Koopa's crown.)

Koopa: Wha?

Cheatsy: 'Course, since you gave me the idea to cheat you out of it, I'll make sure you get a cushy assignment. Say, cleaning the royal stables?

Koopa: You nincom-Koop!

(Koopa takes back his crown.)

Cheatsy: Hey! That's mine!

Koopa: No, it's mine, you doublecrossing dodo! Look!

(Cheatsy gasps. There is a stupid face drawn where the signature should be.)

Koopa: The princess didn't sign the scroll for you, but I'll make her sign it for me! Where are the prisoners?!

Cheatsy: Um, locked in my room.

Mario: Not anymore!

Koopa and Cheatsy: Huh?!

(Mario and Co., all with Raccoon power, fly past the windows.

Toad: Bye, Koopa!

Koopa: Guards! Guards!

Mario: Give it up, we already flew the Koopa!

(Koopa turns back to Cheatsy.)

Koopa: *angry mumbling* It's all your fault, you dirty dealing doublecrosser!

Cheatsy: But King Dad, you should be proud of me! I was only doing bad like you taught me!

(Koopa chases Cheatsy around the throne.)

Koopa: Stand still! I didn't give you the whole lesson!

(Koopa continues to chase Cheatsy around the throne while mumbling. The curtain falls.)

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