Submitted by Hip
(The curtain rises on Grass Land and the title is shown.)
(A station wagon with an inflatable raft attached to the roof, is driving down a country road in Kansas. Inside is a family of four. The driver is the dad [Norman], the mom is in the passenger seat, and their two children, the brother [Bud] and the sister [Missy], are in the back.)
Missy: Are we there yet?
Norman: How many times are you going to ask that, Missy?
Missy: Are we there? Are we at Wild Waldo’s One-of-a-Kind Amusement Park?
(Norman stops the station wagon.)
Norman: Yes Missy, we’re there! This is the amusement park! You wanna get out?
Missy: Oh Dad! Cut it out!
Bud: Are we lost, Dad?
Norman: No we’re not lost, Bud!
(They start moving again.)
Mom: It’s just another hour, children! Sit back and enjoy the scenery!
(They drive through a tunnel, which turns out to be a warp pipe leading to the Mushroom Kingdom.)
Bud: What scenery, Mom?
(After coming out in the Mushroom Kingdom, everyone looks out the windows.)
Mom: That scenery! Oh, my word! Where are we?
Norman: We’re sure not in Kansas anymore! Maybe we’re in Iowa!
Bud: This is cool!
Missy: This is freaky!
Mom: Don’t be frightened, sweety! Daddy is going to find a gas station and ask directions! Right, Norman?
Norman: Sure, sure! Right!
Missy: Watch out, Dad!
Everyone: Aahhh!
(They drive into a wall of blocks which tumbles over. The crash causes the engine to steam and they go driving out of control.
Bud: Nice going, Dad!
(They almost hit and scare off a Mushroom boy who was fishing in a river. He jumps in to avoid getting hit.)
Boy: Whoa! What was that? A monster?
(The boy climbs out and spies on the family. They stop as they hit another wall of blocks right in front of the river, facing it. Norman gets out and lifts the hood only to cough in all the smoke.)
Boy: Wow! I think they’re aliens from another planet!
Norman: Who’s there?
Boy: Help! The aliens are coming! The aliens are coming!
(Nearby, Hip and Hop place a mirror up against a wall.)
Hip: This mirror will make it look-
Hop: Like there’s no wall here!
Hip: But is anybody dumb enough to fall for a prank like this?
(The boy runs into the mirror and falls down.)
Hop: Alright!
Hip: It worked!
Boy: Run! Run for your lives! It breathes fire! It has, like four eyes!
Hop: Well what are you talking about?
Boy: Aliens!
Hip and Hop: Aliens? Ahhhh!
(The twins run off.)
Cut to Castle Koopa. Hip and Hop run inside.
Hip and Hop: They’re coming! They’re coming!
(Bully sees them and sticks out his arm. Hip bumps into the arm and falls onto Hop.)
Hip and Hop: Ow!
Bully: Hey, who’s coming?
Hip and Hop: Aliens!
Roy: Whoa!
(Roy runs off to find Kooky.)
Roy: Aliens! There were dozens of ‘em, Kooky!
(Kooky meets up with Big Mouth.)
Kooky: Whoa! Aliens! Millions of them, Big Mouth!
(Big Mouth meets up with Kootie Pie.)
Big Mouth: Bbbb aliens! Billions of them, Kootie Pie!
Kootie Pie: Yahh!
(Kootie Pie runs up to Koopa, who’s on his throne.)
Kootie Pie: Aliens! Daddykins! Billions and billions of them! 20 feet tall! Armed and dangerous and spewing smoke and fire! And coming this way in heavily armed spaceships! Aahh! We’re doomed! And I don’t have a single thing to wear!
(Kootie Pie breaks out in tears.)
Koopa: An invasion? Well, we’ll just have to get them, before they get us!
(Back in the Mushroom Kingdom, the boy is running around.)
Boy: Aliens! Aliens!
(Everyone screams and runs off. Some of the people run into a warp pipe.)
Boy: The aliens are coming! Aliens!
(Some people climb a tree, but it bends over and they fall off.)
Boy: Help! The aliens are after us!
Woman: The aliens are coming!
(The woman screams and jumps into the air with another woman. They land next to a wall as Mario and Luigi walk up to them and help them up. They get joined by some other Mushroomers.)
Luigi: Has anybody here seen any of these terrible aliens?
Woman: Well, uh, no! But they’re mean, monstrous and, ooh, hideous looking!
Mario: Yeah, but if you haven’t seen them, how do you know what they look like?
Woman: He told me! And someone else told him!
Mario: Looks like you Mushroomers are spreading Mush-Rumors!
Boy: But I saw them! They had a bizarre vehicle! And they wore strange outfits! And they had four eyes! They even had hair on their heads! Yuck!
(Mario removes his cap and rubs his hair.)
Boy: Oh, sorry Mario!
(Mario puts his cap back on.)
Mario: Hmm, I’ll bet you a jar of marinara sauce that these aliens are Real Worlders like Luigi and me!
Boy: They were alien monsters I tell you!
Mario: Luigi, we better check this out!
(The doomship teleports into the Mushroom Kingdom.)
Koopa: When those aliens are in range, Koopa them with everything we’ve got!
Kooky: No way those aliens are gonna take over our kingdom! Right, King Dad?
Koopa: Forget the kingdom! I just wanna save my own scaley skin!
(Cut to the family in the station wagon. Norman is reading a map.)
Missy: Did you figure out where we are yet, Dad?
Norman: Well I’m pretty sure it’s not Iowa! Maybe it’s Nebraska!
Bud: Maybe we’re in Waldo’s One-of-a-Kind Amusement Park?
(Mario and Luigi spot the car.)
Mario: I was right, Luigi! They are humans!
Luigi: Oh, and here comes inHuman trouble! The doomship!
(The doomship fires some Bullets Bills. Some Rocky Wrenches throw their wrenches.)
Luigi: Yipe, it’s blasting that Real World family!
Mario: Oh, those poor people are goners!
(The attacks miss them.)
Norman: Wait! You can’t do this! I belong to the Auto Club!
Mario: Hang on! We’ll get you out of here!
(Mario and Luigi run up to the station wagon and take the raft off the roof. They toss it in the river and push the station wagon onto the raft. They jump on the roof as it starts to move downstream. The doomship shoots some Bob-ombs into the water which all miss them.)
Mario and Luigi: Yikes!
Missy: Boy Dad! I’m sure glad you brought us here!
Bud: Yeah, this is the best amusement park we’ve ever been to!
(Bully points to the Mario Bros.)
Bully: Dad, look!
Koopa: Don’t those marble brain Mario Bros. know they’re helping aliens?
Bully: Yeah, serves them right if those 20 foot tall aliens ate them up with their sword-like teeth!
Kootie Pie: Hmm, it’s funny, but those aliens look a lot like oh, Humans!
Bully: Of course, ditzhead! That’s the first trick a sneaky alien plays!
Koopa: I think the aliens took like-Human forms to trick the Mario Bros. into helping them! But I’ll out-trick them all! Chain Chomps away!
(Four Chain Chomps are fired into the water. The song In My Frog Suit starts up. The Chomps each bite a corner of the raft and it deflates. They each grab a wheel and start pulling it down. The station wagon slowly sinks into the water. Mario and Luigi slide off. The family rolls up their windows to avoid the water getting inside. The Marios swim down to a chest. Mario opens it up and throws out a bunch of junk. Luigi points to a Blooper Nanny that’s approaching them. Mario finds two Frog Suits and they put them on. They dodge the Blooper and the Jelectro that goes after them. Mario jumps out of the water and hits some blocks as the song ends. One of them contains a Starman and makes Mario invincible.)
In My Frog Suit
I have a passion
For the latest fashion
I dress apart wherever I may be
When I’m underwater
I wear what I oughter
To wipe out the enemy
In my Frog Suit
I can dive down deep
In my Frog Suit
I can lunge and leap
Hour by hour
A tower of power
Whenever I’m being a Frog
In my Frog Suit
I can dive down deep
In my Frog Suit
I can lunge and leap
Hour by hour
A tower of power
Whenever I’m being a Frog
I am able to swim
When I have a plan
Come on yeah
I swim like a Frog
But I think like a man
In my Frog Suit
I can dive down deep
In my Frog Suit
I can lunge and leap
Hour by hour
A tower of power
Whenever I’m being a Frog
(Mario swims over to the Chomps, pulls them off the wheels and tosses them aside. The station wagon floats up to the surface but a magnet that was lowered from the doomship grabs them and pulls them out of the water.)
Luigi: Yeesh! That repulsive reptile captured the Real Worlders!
Mario: I’ll bet you three spaghettis to one lasagna, he’s taking them to Castle Koopa!
(Cut to Castle Koopa. The family is in the throne room with the Koopas.)
Kootie Pie: Okay, aliens! You can’t fool us!
Koopa: Yeah! Turn back into your 20 feet tall, snake spewing, four eyed monstrous real selves!
Bud: Dad, what’s going on? This green geezer is really bizotic!
Missy: I think I’d rather be back home!
Mom: Are you Wild Waldo? Because if you are, this is no way to run an amusement park!
Norman: *gulp* I don’t know what you are or where we are, but I’m reporting you to my travel agent!
Kootie Pie: Daddykins! The aliens are still trying to trick us by staying in Human form! Do something!
Kooky: Don’t worry, sis! We’ll trick them!
Koopa: Right, Kootie Pie! We’ll trick them! How are we gonna trick them, Kooky?
Kooky: I’ll run ‘em through, with my new Transmutational Brainwave Analyzer! And we’ll learn all their secret plans to conquer the Mushroom Kingdom! When we know all their plans, we’ll use them ourselves!
(Koopa sheds some tears.)
Koopa: A brilliantly treacherous son! What more could a villain ask for?
(Cut to the lab. The family is strapped into chairs with electronic helmets on their heads.)
Bud: It figures Dad would take us somewhere that turned out to be rank!
(A piece of paper comes out from a printer in the control panel. Kooky looks at it.)
Kooky: Woah woah woah woah woah!
Missy: Next year can we go someplace that’s popular?
Norman: I’ve had just about enough of this! This is not fun anymore!
(The wall starts to crack away and crumble. The Mario Bros., now with Raccoon power, had used their tails to break it.)
Mario: Quick, Luigi! Make sure Kooky’s invention can’t hurt them!
(Luigi flies over to the control panel and kicks some levers. Mario flies over to the family and helps them out of the chairs.)
Mario: Follow me, and I’ll get you to a warp zone, so you can go home!
Norman: Warp zone? What are you talking about? Who are you?
(Missy grabs Mario’s tail.)
Missy: Are you Uncle Waldo?
Norman: This is all highly irregular! I demand an explanation!
Mom: Later, Norman! Let’s just get out of here!
Mario: I’ll explain on the way! Hurry, we left the engine running in your station wagon!
(The station wagon drives up to the warp pipe it arrived in, and the Marios get out.)
Mario: Just drive in, and it’ll take you back to the Real World!
Luigi: Have a safe trip, everybody!
Mom: Thanks for all you help! Look us up if you ever come to Wichita!
(They drive through the pipe. The Mushroom boy sees this and runs off.)
Boy: The aliens are gone!
(Cut to Castle Koopa. The Koopas are standing next to their portraits.)
Koopa: Who cares if the aliens are gone? Kooky got all their secret plans right out of their brains!
Kooky: Uh, sorry King Dad! My analyzer says they really were Real World people!
Koopa: What?
Kooky: Yeah, they were planning to go to Wild Waldo’s Amusement Park!
Koopa: Then who started the rumor they were aliens?
(The Koopalings all point to each other.)
Koopalings: He did!
(Koopa slaps his face.)
Missy: Are we there yet?
(Norman slaps his face as the curtain falls.)
The End
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