(The curtain rises on Desert Land and the title is shown. One day in Desert Land, the Sultan is in a tower of his palace relaxing in his jacuzzi. All of a sudden, oil flows out of the faucets, which are shaped like camel heads.
Sultan: Help! I've struck oil!
(His servant comes running in.)
Servant: Sultan! What should I do?
Sultan: What would anyone do when their bath water turns glue? Get me the Mario Bros.!
(Later, Mario and co. show up and the Bros. fix the faucets.)
Mario: Well as long as these camels keep their big mouths shut-
Luigi: We should be A ok!
Toad: Yeah, but where'd the oil come from?
Sultan: My palace is built over an oil well. And somehow, the oil pipes leading up from my well, must have gotten crossed with the water pipes from the oasis!
(While speaking, the Sultan points to a pipeline that leads from the palace to an oasis, while another pipeline leads into it from underground. The palace rumbles for a second.)
(Princess and Toad gasp.)
Mario: In that case your royal Sultaness, we gotta re-plumb your plumbing, before the oil pressure builds, and your palace blows sky high!
(Meanwhile, Cheatsy and Kootie Pie are in the basement. Kootie Pie is trying to fasten an oil pipe with a monkey wrench but struggles.)
Kootie Pie: Cheatsy! Help me! These yucky pipes won't stay switched! I told you this was no job for a beauty queen!
Cheatsy: Tell that to the Mario Bros., Kootie Pie! They'll be here any second!
(Kootie Pie pulls out her wand and uses it to contact Koopa, who's onboard the doomship with some troopers.)
Kootie Pie: Daddy, do something! We're about to be infested by those pesky plumbers!
Koopa: I hear you whining loud and clear, my darling, detestable daughter! The doomship's fuel tanks are nearly filled, and you can't let the Mario Bros. discover that we're stealing the Sultan's oil through his water pipes until we've drained his oil well dry! So, stop the Mario Bros.! That's an order!
Kootie Pie: Ooh, sometimes he just gets so bossy I could spit in his soup! Stop the Mario Bros.! How?
(Kootie Pie deactivates her wand and puts it away.)
Cheatsy: Relax sis! I've got a scheme so sneaky, that Dad will wish he thought of it!
(Cheatsy pulls out his wand and zaps Kootie Pie, turning her into a blonde human, except that she still has her tail.)
Kootie Pie: Oh!
(Kootie Pie pulls out a mirror and look at herself.)
Kootie Pie: Ahh! What happened to my usual beautiful self?
Cheatsy: I turned you into Mario's dream girl! It's the perfect way to stall him!
(They hear voices coming from upstairs.)
Cheatsy: So long, sis! I gotta split!
(Cheatsy runs off.)
Kootie Pie: Cheatsty, hold it, get back here! You forgot to do my tail!
(Mario and Luigi show up. Mario looks at Kootie Pie and falls in love with her.)
Mario: Whoa!
Kootie Pie: (in a clearer voice) Well hello handsome! Aren't you the famous Super Mario?
(Mario runs up to Kootie Pie.)
Mario: A super guess, my super beautiful lady!
(Kootie Pie's tail starts wiggling.)
Kootie Pie: Pleased to meet you! I am Lady Fettuccini Alfredo! A little bit saucy, but very, very nice!
Luigi: Hey, I don't wanna be rude, but wasn't that a tail I just saw?
(Mario hops off as Kootie Pie hides her tail under her dress.)
Kootie Pie: A tail? Me? Why I have never been so insulted in all my life!
Kootie Pie: Here I am, locked in these dungeons for days without a thing to eat, and now you're accusing me of having a tail?
(Luigi tries to look at her tail, but Kootie Pie steps back. When Luigi gets close she whips him with it and he goes flying into the wall and lands on a pipe.)
Luigi: Whoa!
(Mario has set up a dinner table with two bowls of pasta and candelabra all ready.)
Mario: Heh heh. Please forgive my little brother for being so rude! Perhaps you'd like a gourmet snack?
Kootie Pie: You know Mario sweety, I'm an amateur plumber myself!
Luigi: Her, a plumber? Hey, speaking of plumbing, Mario, we got a job to do!
Kootie Pie: Luigi's right!
(Kootie Pie puts some pasta in her mouth and forces herself to let it go down her throat.)
Kootie Pie: Now that we've eaten, I think you should bring the sultan and all his guests down here, where they'll be safe, in case the uh, castle explodes! *giggle*
(Kootie Pie opens the door to the dungeon.)
Mario: Isn't she wonderful Luigi? Always looking out for other people?
(Later, the sultan, the servant, Toad, and the princess walk into the dungeon.)
Mario: Lady Fettuccini says this is the safest place to be!
Toad: You'd take the word of an amateur plumber?
Princess: Who's dressed up and even matched her tail?
(Kootie Pie shoves Princess inside and slams the door.)
Kootie Pie: Maybe not, but it certainly matches the rest of me!
Kootie Pie: (normal voice) Cheatsy! Restore me to my natural loveliness!
(Cheatsy runs in and turns Kootie Pie back to normal.)
Mario: *gasp* You mean, I fell for Kootie Pie Koopa?
(Cheatsy picks up a hose and Kootie Pie pulls a lever. Oil sprays out at the Marios and washes them away into a hole. Koopa and some Paragoombas come out of a pipe in the dungeon.)
Koopa: Congratulations my dastardly descendants! I have seldom seen badness done better! And as for you, you fun spoiling goody goodies, you're finally my Koopa captives!)
(While speaking, Koopa looks into the dungeon at his new prisoners. He then walks upstairs.)
Koopa: Sultan, I'll be upstairs gloating, while the doomship sucks your oil well dry! Ha ha ha!
(Mario and Luigi are in a sewer.)
Mario: Come on, Luigi! We gotta put a clog in Koopa's plans!
(Mario opens up a pipe and they get inside. Kootie Pie and Cheatsy look into the dungeon.)
Kootie Pie: You'll never see the Mario Bros. again!
(The Marios come out of a pipe behind the Koopalings. Mario makes a shh sound.)
Princess: Just watch this!
(She walks over to the door.)
(The Koopalings giggle.)
Princess: I dare you to come over here and say that!
(Kootie Pie and Cheatsy walk up to the door.)
Kootie Pie: The Mario Bros. are finished!
(Kootie Pie and Cheatsy giggle some more.)
Princess: You wanna bet?
(Mario and Luigi jump out of the pipe and Mario grabs a wand that's lying on the floor. They run off into another room.)
Mario: I think it's time Lady Fettuccini met her dream reptile!
(Mario zaps Luigi and he turns into a green creature, similar to Koopa but with gelled hair and a purple tuxedo.)
Mario: Casanova Koopa!
Luigi: But Mario!
Mario: Eh, wrong voice!
(Luigi puts on a deeper Italian accent.)
Luigi: But Mario, what am I supposed to do?
Mario: Sweep Kootie Pie off her feet, while I take care of plumbing matters upstairs!
(Mario pushes Luigi towards where the Koopalings are. Kootie Pie sees that Luigi has entered the room and she falls in love with him.)
Kootie Pie: W-who (Luigi blinks) are you?
(Luigi kisses her hand.)
Luigi: My friends call me Casanova Koopa! You can call me sweet lips!
(Luigi kisses her.)
Luigi: Yuck!
Kootie Pie: Wow! You've got some kisser!
Cheatsy: Yeah, who is this guy anyway?
(Luigi pushes Cheatsy aside.)
Luigi: Kootie Pie, can we get some privacy? What do you say we clear out the riffraff and redecorate in here?
(Kootie Pie opens the dungeon door.)
Kootie Pie: You get out of here and leave us in peace!
(Toad shouts and the prisoners leave. Luigi winks at Princess and the prisoners run off.)
Cheatsy: I'm not sure King Dad would like this!
Kootie Pie: Daddy only wants me to be happy!
(Kootie Pie runs in, pulls out her wand, and turns the dungeon into a lounge.)
Kootie Pie: And believe me, Cheatsy, Casanova's the only reptile for me!
(Kootie Pie kisses Luigi some more while holding her wand, and she unintentionally turns him back to normal.)
Cheatsy: Luigi!
Luigi: Luigi?
Kootie Pie: Ahh! I've been kissed by a plumber!
(The Koopalings chase Luigi upstairs.)
Kootie Pie: I'll tie your lips behind your head! And you'll never kiss again!
(Meanwhile, Mario has finished setting up some pipes in the kitchen.)
Mario: We're all set! Princess, when I give the signal, turn the wheel!
(Luigi comes out of a trap door.)
Luigi: Whoa! The Koopa Kids are right behind me!
Toad: Luigi, this way!
(Luigi and Toad run off as Mario walks up to the trap door holding a hose.)
Mario: Princess, now!
(The song "Slipin' and a Slidin'" starts up. Princess turns the valve. Oil comes gushing out of the hose and hits the Koopalings as they come out of the trap door. They get knocked onto the floor and go sliding across the room as Koopa and some troopers walk in. They slide into the Boomerang Bros.)
Koopa: Hey!
(They get up and run towards Mario and co. The Boomerang Bros. attempt to throw boomerangs at them, but get washed away again. A swarm of Fire Chomps fly in but Mario gives Princess a signal and she pulls another lever which sprays water at the Fire Chomps and Koopa. The song ends.))
Koopa: I need the doomship!
(The doomship breaks into the wall. Koopa and his troopers climb aboard.
Koopa: Kootie Pie! Cheatsy! Follow me!
(The Koopalings climb in too. The doomship backs out of the palace.)
Koopa: Now they'll see the true creepiness of the Koopa clan, bwa ha ha!
(Koopa presses some buttons and the flame jets turn on full blast, creating enough force to cause the roof to cave in.)
Sultan: Mario, Luigi! You must stop King Koopa before my palace is destroyed!
Mario: We've only got one chance!
(Later, Mario and Luigi have finished setting up the pipeline going up towards the jacuzzi in the palace.)
Mario: Let 'er rip, Luigi!
(Luigi turns the valve and oil comes gushing out of the faucet at a high pressure. Mario holds onto the faucet.)
Mario: Yahoo!
(All of the pressure destroys the rest of the palace and the faucet is still gushing out oil.)
Luigi: Yeehaw!
Mario: Doomship, here I come!
Luigi: Ride 'em, plumber boy!
(Mario directs the oil at the doomship and it gets all over the Koopas in the cockpit.)
Koopa: Let's Koop out of here!
(The doomship flies off. Luigi turns off the valve and Mario comes down with the faucet. They cheer and Luigi shakes Mario's hand.)
Mario: Thank you, thank you!
Sultan: But what are we going to do about my palace? It's ruined!
(Luigi walks up the remains of the palace and sees a wand on the ground. He picks it up.)
Luigi: Hey, since the Koopas left their wand behind, we might as well give it a shot!
(Luigi zaps the remains. The wand bends in his hand.)
Luigi: Oh no! The wand's melted!
Sultan: But my palace is perfect!
(They look up and see the restored palace.)
Mario: In that case, I got first dibs on the jacuzzi!
(Mario runs into the palace and upstairs as Luigi follows him.)
Luigi: Oh no you don't! I fixed it!
Mario: Well I rode it!
Luigi: Well I had to kiss Kootie Pie!
(Princess and Toad giggle. She rubs Toad on the head. The curtain falls.)
The End
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