The Venice Menace

Submitted by Hip

(The curtain rises on Desert Land and the title is shown.)

(Mario and co. are talking a walk in Desert Land. Toad is holding a chest. A gondola with a pizza delivery sign comes out of a warp pipe and falls to the ground.)

Mario: Holy sand piles!

Princess: Venice Pizza Delivery?

Mario: What's a Real World gondola from Venice, Italy, doing in Desert Land?

Luigi: Yeah, I thought Mario and me were the only pizza gourmets in the Mushroom Kingdom! What's going on?

Princess: Only one way to find out, guys! Ask!

(They run over to the gondola.)

Gondolier: Call the police-ia! Call the marines-ia! A sea monster is attacking my beautiful-a Venice! Mamamia! Francis Sinatra! John DiMaggio!

Luigi: Oh, I love to hear people speak my native tongue!

Mario: Hey, slow down paisano! There's no sea monster in Venice!

Gondolier: There is-a now! It's scaring all the people out of the city! Venice will die!

Mario: Oh no! Not Venice!

Gondolier: See, paisano! Soon there will be no one left! Ceasar Augustus! Christopher Columbus! Anitupu Dicello! *sob*

Mario: This is terrible! Venice, Italy is my favorite city! Next to Brooklyn, USA.

Princess: Why's that, Mario?

Mario: I don't know why! There, there's just something about Venice that I just feel in my bones!

Luigi: Oh yeah, I feel it in my bones too! But I thought they were just overcooked by the desert sun!

Princess: Well, if you both feel that strongly, you must go to Venice right away and save it from the sea monster.

(Mario opens Toad's chest and grabs two Frog Suits.)

Mario: Pack Frog Suits. Don't leave for the Real World without them.

(Mario gives a Frog Suit to Luigi and they run off.)

(Meanwhile, the doomsub is underwater somewhere in the Mushroom Kingdom, driving towards a large warp pipe. Koopa is driving it, with Kootie Pie standing next to him.)

Koopa: If those pesky plumbers try to use this warp pipe to Venice, my slimy sentries will Koopafy them, so we can keep scaring all the humans out of Venice!

Kootie Pie: Yeah, and when Venice is empty, we can warp it back to Dark Land for my very own Kootie Pie Water Park! Thank you, King Daddy!

(She kisses Koopa's hand several times.)

Koopa: What my sweet Kootie Pie wants, my sweet Kootie Pie gets!

(The doomsub goes into the warp pipe, right before the Mario Bros. show up in their Frog Suits.)

Luigi: Hey, there's the warp pipe to Venice!

(Boss Basses, Bloopers, and Jelectros come out of the warp pipe and ambush the Marios.)

Mario: Look at all those Koopa guards! Koopa must be up to something in Venice! We've gotta stop him!

Luigi: Yeah, before he stops us!

(The Marios split up. A Boss Bass chases Mario into a warp pipe. Mario comes out the other end and sticks a coral ring around the Boss Bass when it comes out. Another Boss Bass is chasing Luigi, but Mario throws a coral ring at it. Mario then throws coral rings at the rest of the enemies.)

Luigi: Hey, good tossing, Mario! Remind me never to challenge you to a game of underwater horseshoe!

Mario: Into the warp pipe, Luigi! Venice needs us! Hey, Luigi, never challenge me to a game of underwater horseshoe.

(They drop down into the warp pipe.)

(Cut to a canal in Venice. The Marios are piloting a gondola, wearing gondolier outfits.)

Mario: With these gondolier disguises, we can sneak up on Koopa, if you can keep your frog in your pocket.

(Luigi shoves a part of his Frog Suit that was sticking out of his pocket back in.)

Mario: Hey, you feel what I feel, Luigi?

Luigi: Yeah, tired! Next time let's get disguises that don't have poles!

Mario: No, no! I'm talking about something in the Venice air! Something that reaches a Mario Brother's soul!

Luigi: But Mario! We've never been here in Venice before, how could our souls get reached?

Mario: I don't know, Luigi. But I'll tell you one thing, I'm gonna solve this mystery before we leave.

(They go past a pedestal, not noticing that on top are two statues that resemble them.)

(The water below them starts to shake. The doomsub rises out of the water and approaches them.)

Luigi: It's the sea monster!

Mario: That's no sea monster! That's the, the doomsub!

(The doomsub roars and goes after them. Mario's gondolier hat flies off.)

Koopa: Those spoilsport plumbers got through my trap!

Kootie Pie: If they stop us from getting Venice for my very own Kootie Pie Koopa Water Park, the only word you'll hear from me is TANTRUM!

Koopa: They won't startle us, sweety! We'll startle them!

(The Marios turn at a corner.)

Luigi: This gondola's gonna make us goners!

(They come up to an empty motorboat.)

Mario: Wait, there's a gondola with more go!

(The doomsub comes to the corner, only to have the Marios speed past it in the motorboat.)

Mario: Let's see Koopa catch us now!

(The song The Doomsub's Getting Closer starts.)

This could be the ride of our lives
Wonder if we can survive
Koopas going faster
We're headed for disaster
Let's give the go gondola a try
See the doomsub
They're on our tail
The doomsub's getting closer
And it looks about the size of a whale
Venice will never be the same
The town goes down the drain
See the doomsub
They're on our tail
The doomsub's getting closer
And it looks about the size of a whale

(The doomsub chases after the motorboat. It turns at a corner next to a fishing boat with a net full of fish, which the doomsub crushes with its mouth. Fish fly into the doomsub's cockpit and get all over the Koopas, one even gets into Kootie Pie's mouth. Koopa gets a lobster on his snout, and he falls onto Kootie Pie trying to get it off. The doomsub resumes its chase and crashes into a bridge and loses control for a moment. The Marios appoach a boat with a wedding cake which a bride and groom are about to start eating. They get out of the way and the motorboat zooms through the cake, which gets over the Marios' faces. They then come to a canal where laundry is being hung overhead. The doomsub hits some of the laundry, which gets on the windshield so Koopa can't see where's he's going. The song ends. The Marios park the motorboat at a dock and get out to see the doomsub losing control.)

Mario: That doomsub's been laundry blinded! It'll crash for sure!

Luigi: Yeah, but it's gonna crash right into us!

Mario: This is not time to be Italian, Luigi! Be Polish!

(Mario grabs a pole from the water.)

Luigi: Polish? I got you, Mario!

(Luigi grabs a pole too and they use them to vault away.)

Mario: If Koopa gets us, it won't be our vault!

(The doomsub crashes into a staircase. Inside the doomsub, Koopa is holding a broken wall in from leaking.)

Koopa: Hurry with that emergency welding kit! I can't plug this leak much longer!

(Kootie Pie runs up to him wearing a welding mask and holding a small Fire Brother.)

Kootie Pie: Just because your drowning, you don't have to yell!

(Kootie Pie use the Fire Brother's flame breath to weld the wall back into place.)

Kootie Pie: Good thing you brought me along instead of my stupid brothers!

(Koopa tries to walk off, but his shell is stuck to the wall.)

Koopa: You welded my shell to the hull!

Kootie Pie: Well, nobody's perfect!

(Cut to Venice at night. Koopa and Kootie Pie are taking a walk.)

Koopa: I'm gonna find those putrid plumbers and make 'em pay!

Kootie Pie: Look, King Daddykins! There they are!

(Kootie Pie points to a hotel balcony where the Marios are standing.)

Luigi: Hey, with Koopa sunk, Mario, shouldn't we have gone right back to the Mushroom Kingdom?

(Koopa pulls Kootie Pie into an alley.)

Mario: No way, Luigi! We're gonna get a good night's sleep, and then find out what mysterious something pulls us to Venice, like water is pulled down a drainpipe.

Koopa: I don't know what's pulling 'em to Venice, but I know what's gonna pull 'em under! *laugh*

(Cut to underwater, beneath the hotel. Chain Chomps munch on the support beams and the hotel sinks. Luigi wakes up and opens a blind to see that they're underwater.)

Luigi: Hey, hello little fish. Fish?

(A Boom Boom swims up to the window.)

Luigi: Oh boy, we're sunk!

(Someone knocks on the door.)

Mario: I'll get it!

Luigi: No! Don't!

(Mario opens the door and the room gets flooded. Another Boom Boom swims up to him.)

Mario: I must be having a nightmare! Huh? Whoa!)

(The Boom Boom swims after Mario, while the Boom Boom at the window breaks through and swims after Luigi. Koopa is watching this on a monitor in the doomsub.)

Koopa: That takes care of the Mario Bros.! Now to bring the rest of Venice back!

(A school of Boss Basses swim out of the doomsub and break more support beams, causing more buildings to sink. Chain Chomps are also munching on support beams and bringing other buildings down. The Boom Booms chase the Marios into the closet. The Mario leave wearing Frog Suits and lock the doors.)

Mario: Let you guys catch us? We'd rather croak! We gotta get on that doomsub, and stop Koopa from sinking Venice!

(Cut to the doomsub. The Marios swim in through a hole.)

Kootie Pie: Can't we warp Venice to Dark Land now? I wanna brag to Bully and Big Mouth that I have my very own Kootie Pie Koopa Water Park and they don't!

Koopa: Patience, my little Kootie Pie! Soon Venice will be all washed up! *laugh*

(Mario appears at the back of the cockpit.)

Mario: You'll be all washed up long before Venice, Koopa!

Koopa: Huh? You again? I'll Koopatize you! I'll pulverize you! I'll-

Mario: Uh, I get the message!

(Koopa and Kootie Pie chase after him.)

Kootie Pie: Don't let him get away, King Daddykins!

(They chase Mario down the corridor. Luigi comes out from behind a block when they pass it. He hops over to the cockpit and looks around.)

Luigi: Hey, recall lever! That should do the trick!

(Luigi pulls the lever and the Chain Chomps stop munching on the beams. Mario goes into the engine room.)

Koopa: The drain brain ran into the engine room! We got him trapped! Turn on the engine, Kootie Pie!

Kootie Pie: You got it, King Daddykins!

(Kootie Pie pulls a lever to the ON position and the engine starts up. Mario is squatting on a Note Block.)

Koopa: Give up, plum scum! You'll never make it!

Mario: Oh yeah? Never say never to Mario!

(The Note Block gets launched off towards the corridor past the Koopas and lands in the cockpit.)

Mario: Let's warp this sub outta here!

(Mario pulls a different lever and they run down the corridor past the Koopas.)

(The Marios get out of the doomsub, which teleports to Desert Land in midair.)

(The doomsub falls to the ground and crashes. The Koopas get out.)

Koopa: There goes my doomsub!

Kootie Pie: And my very own Kootie Pie Koopa Water Park!

(Kootie Pie starts to cry and throws a tantrum.)

Koopa: She won't be fit to live with for a year! I hate those pesky plumbers!

(Mario and co. and the gondolier are in a gondola in Venice.)

Gondolier: Venice is safe! Oh, Lou Albano! Al Pacino! Frederick Capenene! As a gesture of my thanks, I'm gonna show you my favorite statue!

(They arrive at the statue from earlier.)

Gonolier: Meet Marco Polo's plumbers! They brought plumbing back from China, and made Venice what it is today!

Toad: They sure look familiar!

Princess: Must've been distant relatives of Mario and Luigi!

Luigi: Well, that would explain why Venice is our second favorite city!

Mario: And why we're the best plumbers in the Real World, and the Mushroom Kingdom!

Princess: And the most modest!

Gondolier: Leonardo DaVinci! Valerie Bertinelli! Ha ha! Mario and Luigi!

(They all laugh as the curtain falls.)

The End

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