(The curtain rises on Ice Land and the title is shown.)

(One day in Ice Land, Luigi is walking through King Windbag’s castle. He walks into the dining room.)

Windbag: Duck, you turkey!

(Luigi ducks as a cooked turkey flies past his head.)

Luigi: Yo! Well, at least he warned me!

Windbag: Flea-brained ninny, duck!

(Luigi ducks again as a plate flies past him. Windbag walks up to him.)

Windbag: What’s wrong, Luigi? Are my floors dirty? Somebody mop this floor, pronto!

(A servant, dressed in rags, runs up to them and starts mopping the floor.)

Luigi: Hey, your floors aren’t dirty! You yelled duck!

Windbag: Duck? *laugh* Not that kind of duck! My servant here doesn’t know the difference between duck and turkey! So why are you here, lad?

Luigi: Hey, the princess sent me! She’s had a lot of complaints about you being a bully!

Windbag: Me? A bully? Nonsense!

(Windbag turns to the servant and pulls out his wand.)

Windbag: I want my duck now! Now I say!

(He zaps the floor right next to the servant’s feet, who runs out of the room screaming.)

Windbag: Honestly, a dog could be a better servant!

Servant: Might as well be a dog! The way King Windbag treats us!

(Hip sticks his head out from behind a column as the servant walks past it.)

Hip: A dog! What a-

(Hop sticks his head out too.)

Hop: Wonderful idea!

Hip: Yeah! Just the kind of trouble-

Hop: King Dad wanted us to cause when he told us to follow Luigi!

Windbag: (yelling) Where’s my duck?

(The servant runs back to the dining room, but Hip sticks out his leg and the servant trips. Hop grabs the meal he was carrying. Hip puts on the servant's hat.)

Luigi: Hey, you really shouldn’t bully your servant, King Windbag!

(Hip walks in, disguised as the servant with the meal.)

Windbag: Don’t just stand there like a lamp post! Show me that duck!

(Hip lifts the dome lid and Hop jumps out and grabs Windbag’s wand.)

Hop: No duck here, turkey!

(Windbag runs up to Hop, who throws the wand over Luigi’s head and into Hip’s claws. Hip zaps Windbag.)

Luigi: No!

Hop: Now King Windbag, is King Fleabag!

(Windbag turns into a bulldog, but he still has his face and crown. Luigi runs up to Hip, who throws the wand back to Hop, who zaps Luigi.)

Hop: And the pesky plumber’s gonna be-

Hip: A mustached mutt!

(Luigi turns into a small grey mutt as Hip and Hop laugh and run off out the window. Luigi and Windbag run after them.)

Windbag: Give me back my wand!

(The song “It’s a Dog’s Life” starts.)

It's a dog's life
And man, it's rough
It's a dog's life
I think I've had enough
Both my hands
Have turned into feet
I feel pretty weird
Walking down the street
It's a dog's life
And man, it's rough
It's a dog's life
I'd much rather talk than growl
And I'd much rather yell than howl
Bein' a bow wow is hard to face
I want to be part of the human race
It's a dog's life
It's a dog's life

(Luigi and Windbag chase Hip and Hop down some stairs. Windbag trips near the bottom. Hip and Hop jump over a pipe. Luigi runs past the pipe as a Ptooie pops out and tries to hit him with spiked balls. Luigi follows them up onto a platform. Hop pops out of a pipe and points to a Lakitu. The Lakitu throws a Spiny Egg at Luigi as he jumps off the platform and avoids the Spiny. Hip and Hop get on top of the pipe and Hop zaps Luigi, knocking him back into Windbag. Hip and Hop stick their tongues out at them and go down the pipe. Luigi and Windbag go in after them.)

(Cut to a street in Miami. Luigi and Windbag come out of a manhole.)

Windbag: Where are we? What is this place?

Luigi: It’s the Real World! Miami, I think! Look out!

(They duck into the manhole as a cart drives over them. Hip and Hop are riding on the back seat.)

Windbag: Let’s get my wand back from Hip and Hop and get out of this place!

(Luigi points to them.)

Luigi: Hey look! There they are!

Hip: King Dad’ll be proud-

Hop: Of all the trouble we’re causing Luigi!

(The cart drives through the gate of a resort. It closes when Luigi and Windbag reach it.)

Luigi: Okay, when the next car drives in, we run in after it!

Windbag: Me, King Windbag, run? Royalty never runs!

(A woman in a sports car drives up to the gate and it opens. Luigi and Windbag run in with it. The cart pulls up to the entrance of the resort and some of the passengers start to get off.)

Hip and Hop each take a large hat from the ladies in the seats in front of them and put them on. The hats are big and cover their faces. They run into the resort and sniff the air.)

Hip: Smells like-

Hop: Chow time!

(The sports car drives up to the entrance and the woman gets out and walks up to the valet. Windbag tries to walk to the entrance, but Luigi grabs his tail.)

Luigi: Hey, they’ll never let mutts in here! Come on, this way!

(They run up off to the side. The woman walks into the dining room as Luigi and Windbag look in through a window.)

Luigi: I wonder where Hip and Hop are!

(Suddenly, mashed potatoes fly across the room and into the woman’s face. Hip and Hop laugh.)

Luigi: Bingo! We found them!

(Hip and Hop are on the buffet table, throwing food and plates at everyone. Luigi and Windbag run in.)

Windbag: I want my wand back now!

(Windbag jumps at Hip and Hop but misses and lands in a bowl full of  lobsters, which get all over his face. Luigi chases and barks at Hip and Hop and they run out of the dining room into the foyer. A dog catcher shows up in the dining room.)

Dog Catcher: Somebody call for the dog catcher?

(Luigi and Windbag try to talk to the dog catcher, but it all sounds like barking to him. The dog catcher chases them into the foyer and upstairs into a lounge.)

Dog: Catcher: Mongrel menace!

(Luigi and Windbag jump out of the window and onto a pool slide. They slide down and land on a raft which floats to the other end of the pool. They fly off and land on a cactus. Luigi gets off as the dog catcher shows up. Windbag picks a lobster off his face and hands it to the dog catcher.)

Dog Catcher: Huh?

(Windbag tries to run off, but the dog catcher catches him with his net.)

(Luigi chases Hip and Hop across the parking lot. Hip and Hop get into the sports car. Luigi jumps at them.)

Hop: Yaah!

(Luigi gets caught in the net right before reaching the car. The dog catcher laughs.)

Hip: Look! The littlest Mario Brother-

Hop: Is headed for the doghouse!

(The dog catcher throws Luigi and Windbag into the back of his truck and locks them in.)

Hip: Farewell-

Hop: Fidos!

(They drive off.)

Windbag: My wand! We’ll never get it back!

Luigi: We’re gonna be stuck as dogs forever, and never see the Mushroom Kingdom again!

(Cut to the sports car. Hip turns on the radio.)

Announcer: Tomorrow morning, the shuttle will launch from Kennedy Space Center!

Hip: Three, two-

Hop: One! Let’s blast off!

(Cut to the dog catcher. They drive up to the dog pound and wait outside.)

Dog Catcher: Welcome to Florida State Poochitentiary!

(He throws Luigi and Windbag into a room with some other dogs and locks them in. Windbag walks up to a dog, who growls at him.)

Windbag: Move, Fido!

Luigi: Hey, you’ve always gotta bully someone, don’tcha?

Windbag: Bully? Nonsense! I’m a king! I have rights!

Luigi: Well, so do these guys! And if we want their help-

Windbag: Help? From these shiftless curs? For what?

Luigi: Well if we form a pyramid, I can climb up there and break us out!

(Luigi points to a grating in the ceiling.)

Windbag: Hup, two, mutts! Line up, pronto!

(The other dogs give each other confused looks.)

Luigi: Leaping Labradors! You ever heard the word “please”? It works wonders!

(Luigi barks to the other dogs and points to the grating.)

Luigi: Get in there, king!

Windbag: Me?

(Windbag positions himself underneath the grating and the other dogs climb on top of him to form a pyramid, although Windbag growls at them. Luigi climbs the pyramid and opens up the grating.)

Luigi: Hang on guys!

(The tail of one of the other dogs gets in Windbag’s face, causing him to sneeze and knock over the pyramid.)

Luigi: Whoa, what a dog pile! Hang on guys! In a minute we’ll blow this doghouse!

(Luigi climbs through the grating and comes out of a vent in the dog catcher’s office. The dog catcher is sleeping in front of the TV. Luigi grabs onto the wire of a hanging light. As he does so, a news report starts on the TV. A reporter is standing next to a car crash on a highway.)

Reporter: The police have issued a special emergency alert! There is a red sports car rampaging through Florida, heading toward Kennedy Space Center! Stay inside!

Note: The sports car is clearly blue.

(Hip and Hop drive past the reporter.)

Luigi: Hip and Hop at the Space Center? That could be trouble!

(Luigi falls off the light and into the dog catcher’s lap.)

(The dog catcher wakes up and grabs Luigi. Luigi jumps out of his hands and lands on the control panel. All of the doors open up and the dogs, including Windbag, come running out in a stampede. The dog catcher tries to block the way out of the room, but Luigi gets past him. The dog catcher grabs Luigi by the tail, but notices all of the dogs running towards him.)

Dog Catcher: Mongrel menace!

(The dogs knock him over. Luigi and Windbag give each other a high five and run outside into the truck and drive off. The dog catcher runs after them.)

Dog Catcher: My truck! The mutts stole my truck!

(Cut to the Space Center. Luigi and Windbag are outside the fence. Luigi tries to jump over the fence, but can’t reach the top.)

Luigi: We can’t jump this fence, it’s hopeless!

Windbag: Hardly! What do dogs do best? Dig!

Luigi: Dig! Good idea, King Windbag!

(They start digging under the fence. Some astronauts are walking towards the shuttle. Hip comes out from behind a corner and zaps two of them, putting them to sleep. They each grab an astronaut and drag them behind the corner, laughing. Luigi and Windbag come out on the other side of the fence.)

Luigi: Hey, look! The astronauts!

(They watch the astronauts walk by, and notice that the last two are much shorter and don’t fit into their suits well.)

Luigi: If that isn’t Hip and Hop, my name is Fido!

Dog Catcher: Freeze, Fido! You’re going back to the doghouse! 200 years to life, whichever comes last!

(The dog catcher spins a lasso. Luigi and Windbag run in circles around the dog catcher, who gets tied up in the rope. Windbag knocks him over and they run off towards the shuttle. The dog catcher gets out of the rope and goes after them. The astronauts board an elevator, but Windbag jumps at them. They fall over and out of their suits and drop the wand.)

(Luigi grabs the wand.)

Luigi: King Windbag, catch!

(Luigi throws the wand to Windbag, who catches it in his mouth and grabs it.)

Windbag: My wand! I finally got my wand back!

(The dog catcher runs up to them, but Windbag uses the wand to put him and some other people to sleep. He then turns himself and Luigi back to normal.)

Windbag: Oh! No more fleas!

(Windbag scratches himself for a moment. Luigi laughs. Hip and Hop try to run off, but Luigi grabs them.)

Luigi: Hey, where are you two going?

(Windbag zaps the ground and creates a warp zone.)

Luigi: Back to Koopa Castle for you!

(Luigi throws Hip and Hop into the hole.)

(Luigi and Windbag walk up to the sleeping dog catcher.)

Windbag: Maybe he’d be a kinder, gentler dog catcher if he knew what it was like being a dog!

(Windbag zaps the dog catcher and turns him into a poodle who barks at them.)

Windbag: And I know I’ll be a kinder king! Down, Fido!

(Windbag turns the dog catcher back to normal, but still asleep.)

Windbag: Let’s get back home! I’ve got a kingdom to take care of!

(Windbag waves his wand and wakes everyone up. He then creates another warp zone that he and Luigi jump into.)

Dog Catcher: Whoa! What a nightmare! For a minute there... nah!

(The dog catcher bends down and starts to scratch himself with his foot.)

(Cut to Windbag’s castle. Windbag is in the dining room with Luigi and the servant. The servant is sitting at the table.)

Windbag: Duck!

Servant: D-d-d-duck?

(Windbag serves him several dishes.)

Windbag: And mashed potatoes! And some peas!

(Windbag winks at Luigi, who winks back at him as the curtain falls.)

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