(Mario, Luigi, Toad, and Toadstool are running through a forest. It is raining and there's lightning and thunder. Organ music plays.)

Mario: Plumber's Log number 1014. We were traveling for a strange land called "Turtlevania". Somebody had pulled the plug on the big bathtub in the sky, and we were soaked!

Toadstool: Ooooh, I'm freezing! When are we going to find a place to sleep?

Mario: Never fear, Princess. There's bound to be a motel around here somewhere.

(Camera shifts over to a pink and purple messed-up castle. Zooms in. Suddenly, Koopa's huge eye appears covering the entire screen, and blinks.)

Koopa: Nyeheheheheh. Those pesky plumbers...

(Camera goes behind Koopa where he is looking from a telescope from a room, presumably in the castle.)

Koopa: ... are playing right into my fangs. Eheheheheheh!

(Camera shows his telescope from the outside for a sec, then the Mario gang is seen through the telescope. Then back inside to Koopa.)

Koopa: Nyeheheheh. *turns around during a bolt of lightning and thunder* Mousigor!

(A hunchback Mouser wearing a purple cloak and holding a torch immediately opens the door on the other side of the room and steps in.)

Mouser: Yes, Count Koopula?

Koopa: Prepare rooms for Princess Toadstool and her foolish friends. *turns to look at something hanging on a pole next to the telescope* And you, you vapid vampire, go lure our victims into my castle. Heheheheheheh.

(The vampire, actually a Tweeter with bat wings, flies off.)

Koopa: Before the night is through, I'll make them wish they never came to Turtlevania. Huhaheheheheh.

(Camera fades to Mario gang.)

Luigi: I'm cold, and wet, and hungry, Mario. How about some spaghetti?

(Mario is holding a small white box with a handle.)

Mario: It's my leftovers Luigi. You ate all yours.

Luigi: But you had three orders. I only had one.

Toadstool: Come on, Mario. Please?

Mario: Ohhhookay. But just one bite.

(Mario hands the box to Luigi. The Tweeter comes swooping down with angry eyes and grabs the box. Mario Bros. 2 boss music starts playing. Mario grabs the box while the Tweeter still holds on.)

Mario: Help! Spaghetti napper!

(Toad grabs onto Mario. Toadstool grabs onto Toad.)

Toad: Yow!

Toadstool: Grab him, Luigi!

(Luigi grabs onto Toad. Toad struggles to hold on. While the Tweeter tries to fly away, Toad gets stretched to about ten feet.)

Mario: I can't hold on!

(Mario loses his hold on the box and the gang lands in a pile on the ground, with Mario landing on Toad and Toadstool. [Ouch!] The Tweeter flies toward the castle with the pasta in its claws.)

Mario: Follow that bat!

Luigi: We've got to get that spaghetti back!

(The camera shows the castle again.)

Toadstool: Oh no! Look where it's going!

Toad: Ooh, daddy!

(Camera shifts to front door of castle.)

Luigi: I'm not going in there. It looks like a boarding house for vampires.

Mario: Come on, Luigi. Nobody believes in vampires anymore.

Luigi: I do...

(Camera shows a couple creepy looking things for some reason.)

Mario: Well, we need something, and maybe we can get that spaghetti back.

(Mario pushes a yellow button in the center of the door and a loud doorbell rings. Mouser opens the door.)

Mario: Uhhh, we need rooms for the night.

Mouser: We got rooms you'll never forget.

Luigi: I don't like this creepy castle.

Mario: You like sleepin' in the rain better?

(Mario walks in. Luigi shrugs, and the other three walk in. They pass a painting and it looks at them. Luigi looks at another painting which looks at him.)

Luigi: Wha-wh-what're you lookin' at?

Mario: Are you talking to yourself again, Luigi?

Luigi: Look at the puh-puh-paintings!

(Luigi looks up.)

Luigi: Wha?

(The camera shows the painting without pupils. Camera goes to a door marked with a huge #1. A beam of light hits it, presumably from Mouser's torch. Mouser opens the door.)

Mouser: Your room, miss.

Toadstool: Thank you.

(Toadstool walks in. Mouser walks to a door marked with a huge #2 and opens the door.)

Mouser: You two guys with hairy lips can stay here.

(The plumbers walk in. Mouser opens the door marked #3.)

Toad: Eh, what's behind door number three? *looks around* Lemme guess.

Mouser: *puts his hand on Toad's hat* Don't strain your brain, Toad!

(Mouser pushes Toad into the room.)

Toad: AAAAAAAA! *lands and turns around* Hey, how'd you know my name? Who are  you?!

(Toad jumps at Mouser, but their fight is mostly offscreen.)

Mouser: Woah, erogh!

(Mouser pushes Toad back down.)

Toad: You're Mouser!

(Mouser covers his mouth with the cloak, which was uncovered since he entered door #3.)

Toad: You're Koopa's stooge!

Mouser: It's Mousigor to you, fungus face.

(Mouser slams door. Toad starts to attack it.)

Toad: I'm comin' out!

(Camera goes to Mario and Luigi's room.)

Luigi: I tell ya, there's vampires here!

Mario: Stop already! I'm too hungry to worry about vampires that don't exist.

(Mario sits on the bed and pulls another white box out of his overalls.)

Luigi: Hey-hey-hey. Where did you get that? I thought the Tweeter bat stole your spaghetti.

Mario: It did. But this is my spare ravioli.

(The Tweeter, hanging from a pole, comes down from a hole in the ceiling, sticks his fangs in the top of the box, and starts sucking on the contents.)

Luigi: Holy macaroni!

(The Tweeter stops and goes back up.)

Mario: My ravioli! Fang marks! *opens box* Every drop of tomato sauce, gone!

Luigi: Now will you believe me? Tomato sauce-sucking vampires! Let's get outta here!

(Both plumbers try pulling on the door handle.)

Mario: We're locked in!

(Back to Toad. Toad looks at a strange green gargoyle head mounted on the wall with a green vase in its mouth.)

Toad: If only you could talk.

Gargoyle Head: Butt off, Mushroom Mouth.

Toad: Oh yeah? How about a nose job?!

(Toad jumps up and grabs the gargoyle's nose and mouth, knocking off the vase.)

Gargoyle Head: Yeouch!

(A wall panel opens.)

Toad: Well, well, well. A secret passage!

(Toad runs through several rooms and sees a wall with a couple of holes.)

Toad: *points at holes* Spy holes!

(Toad looks through the holes, the Mario Bros. can be seen pounding on the door with their fists.)

Toad: Hey guys!

Mario and Luigi: Vampires!

(Toad pushes the secret panel open.)

Toad: No, guys, it's me! And I know a way to get outta here!

Mario: Come on! Let's find the princess!

(Toadstool now.)

Toadstool: Where is everybody? Why's the door locked?

(The three others topple through the secret panel on the other side of the room.)

Toad: Come on, Princess! Let's split this spooky joint!

(Koopa opens the front door of the room.)

Koopa: Welcome the the castle of Count Koopula.

(Toadstool gasps.)

Koopa: Dinner is served.

(Mouser appears in the secret panel.)

Mouser: And you're the main course! Hoohoohoohoohoohoohoohoohoo!

(Luigi shrugs.)

Toad: I just lost my appetite!

(Toad slams the panel on Mouser.)

Toad: Luigi was right! Vampires!

(Toadstool slams the door on Koopa.)

Toad: Into the clothes chute! It's our only way out!

(Toad walks over to a red pot on the floor and takes the lid off.)

Toad: I hope we're not turned into vampires like them!

(Toad jumps in and the other three watch him fall for five seconds, then they jump in. Yet, they are evenly spaced as they fall through the pipe. Strange. They fall for a full ten seconds and still don't die. Strange. When they stand up, they are in a room with a few racks of yellow bottles.)

Mario: Whew! That was close!

Luigi: Spe-spe-spe...

Mario: Spit it out, Luigi.

(Luigi points behind them and they look.)

Mario Gang: *gasp*

(There are a bunch of huge spiders wearing Snifit masks entering the room. They are about as tall as Mario.)

Mario and Toad: Spiders!

(Now the spiders are about as tall as Toad.)

Luigi: D-d-d-do something, Mario!

Mario Gang: *gasp*

Mario: I forgot my bug spray!

(Toadstool notices a small black piranha-like plant on the windowsill.)

Toadstool: Aha! A magic Piranha Plant!

(The plant makes noise.)

Toadstool: This'll take care of those spiders!

(Toadstool aims at the spiders.)

Toad: Zap 'em, Princess!

(The plant shoots a fireball which hits a spider, knocking them all back. It shoots another, which makes part of the nearest spider explode, and they all run away.)

Toad: Yahahay!

Luigi: Way to go, Princess!

(Toadstool puts the plant down and rubs it so it blushes.)

Mario: We gotta find a way outta here! [Did he not think of trying the door the spiders came through?] What's this?

(Mario walks over to a rack of yellow-orange bottles and pulls out the only clear bottle.)

Mario: Marinara, Château Koopa, 1989. Hehehey! It's tomato sauce!

Toad: We're surrounded by vampires, and all he thinks about is food!

(Toadstool is looking out a window.)

Toadstool: Hey, guys, look! Koopa's up to something weird!

(The others look out the window. The song "Thriller" starts up. Outside...)

Koopa: I command you! Behold, the full moon!

(Four Troopas turn around and look at the moon. An unusual tune starts playing. They all turn into cool-looking wereturtles who are much taller and have glowing orange eyes, long arms, fangs, and fur. [How can reptiles grow fur?] They start howling at the moon.)

Luigi: He's turning them into w-w-wereturtles!

Koopa: You can do what you want with the pasta freaks, but don't hurt the princess! Now find them!

(The wereturtles start to run toward the camera.)

Toadstool: Those spiders were bad enough, but I can't stand wereturtles!

Mario: Don't worry, Princess. It's us they're after. Not you.

Luigi: Yeah, Princess. Don't worry. It's us they're after... US?!

Toad: Pour some of this spaghetti sauce at the base of the stairs!

(Toad squeezes a couple of glass bottles [even though that's impossible] so that the sauce comes out onto the floor. The wereturtles run toward the door, growling. The Mario Gang hides on either side of the stairs. The wereturtles crash through the door and slide into a rack of bottles, which falls down with a crash. When no one is moving and the Mario Gang is smiling, there's an ominous laugh for no reason whatsoever. Toad opens a sliding door on the floor.

Toad: Over here! I found a trap door!

Luigi: Cobwebs! That means sp-sp-spiders! [no cobwebs are shown]

Mario: I guess we better stay in here!

(A wereturtle covered in pasta sauce comes onto the screen.)

Mario Gang: *gasp*

(Nice frontal camera shot of the wereturtle, which growls.)

Mario and Toadstool: AAAAAA!

Luigi: Holy macaroni!

Toad: Naughty turtle! You've been hittin' the sauce again! Well, have some more!

(Toad throws a bottle at the wereturtle, and it goes into its mouth until it is no longer seen. The wereturtle starts choking.)

Toad: Move iiiiiiiiit!!!

(Toad, Mario, Toadstool, then Luigi jump into the hole. Luigi closes the door behind him and trips, knocking all four down the stairs. They fall through another trap door at the bottom and land in a room with a machine dispensing tomatoes onto a conveyor belt. On top is a Goomba who jumps on each tomato as it passes. There are several Goombas surrounding the conveyor belt. At the end of the belt is a bubbling, steaming pot of tomato sauce.)

Goombas: *strange chant*

Mario: It's a tomato sauce factory!

Toad: Those Goombas look kinda spaced out to me... *gasp* They're zombies!

Toadstool: Maybe we can sneak past them.

(The gang walks by slowly while the chanting continues. Mario walks over to the pot, dips his finger in, and tastes it.)

Mario: Mmm, needs garlic.

(The Goombas stop chanting and look in Mario's direction. They all have yellow eyes, but then two of them have their eyes change to white, and then the two that changed blink. They all make angry Goomba noises and start jumping up and down angrily. They start to throw tomatoes at the gang, and one hits Mario's face.)

Toadstool: Run for it!

(Koopa appears in their way.)

Koopa: Too late, Princess.

Mario Gang: *gasp*

(Six wereturtles surround them.)

Koopa: I'm taking you to Count Koopula's torture chamber, wax museum, and dungeon of horrors!

(Camera fades out and back in. Toad is lying on one of those tables with his feet strapped down and ropes binding his hands to a turnable wheel. Luigi is strapped to a wall, his shoes are off, and a mechanical hand from a hole in the floor is tickling him with a feather. Mario is chained to a table where a faucet is running water onto his face. Koopa is holding Toadstool by the arm.)

Koopa: Say "ciao" to your friends, Princess Toadstool! That's "goodbye" in Italian, because when you see 'em again, you'll be a tomato sauce-sucking vampire, just like me! Ahahahahahahaha!!!

(Koopa leaves up some stairs, taking Toadstool.)

Toadstool: But I hate tomatoes!!!

Toad: I always wanted to be taller, but this is ridiculous!

Luigi: Hoohoohahahaha! And this tickle torture is not funny! Hoohoohahahoohoohoohoohoo!!!

Mario: I hate leaks! Somebody call me a plumber!

(Mouser comes down the stairs.)

Mouser: You are a plumber.

Toad: Luigi! I think I got a way to get us outta here! Watch! Hey Mousigor!

Mouser: *walks over to Toad* Why, Toad, how you've grown! [Toad doesn't look any bigger yet.]

(Luigi continues to laugh in the background.)

Toad: Pleeeeeease, Mister Mousigor, I can't take any more!

Mouser: And I say you can!

(Mouser walks over to the wheel on the table and turns it. Toad gets stretched taller.)

Toad: Woahohohowowow!

(Mouser keeps cranking until the mechanism breaks, and he goes flying into a wall.)

Toad: There's more than one way to trap a rodent!

(Apparently Mouser was knocked unconscious and Toad was able to unbolt his leg restraints and then do the same for Mario and Luigi, because then the camera fades to a room which Mario, Luigi, and Toad are right outside of. Inside, Koopa is holding Toadstool next to a coffin.)

Koopa: Now my dear, it's time to initiate you into the loyal brotherhood of tomato sauce vampires!

Toadstool: Brotherhood? But I'm a girl!

(Outside, the others are listening.)

Mario: *turns to Toad* How do you stop a vampire?

Toad: A stake, through the heart!

Mario: Top sirloin? Filet mignon?

Toad: *thinks for a second* Vampires hate garlic! That's why there's none in that tomato sauce the Goombas were makin'!

Mario: Good thinkin', Toad! *reaches into his pocket* Eat this! *holds out a bulb of garlic*

Mario eats some of the garlic, he chews it. Luigi eats some, he chews it annoyingly. Toad eats some.

Toad: Yech! The things I do for Princess Toadstool.

(Toadstool screams.)

Toad: Hurry! We gotta save 'er!

(Toad shoves the rest in his mouth and chews it. The three slide the door open and look in menacingly.)

Luigi: Unhand her, fang face!

(Toad runs over to the window and rips the curtain off. Sunshine streams in.)

Koopa: Ahoh! I hate sunlight!

(Koopa staggers over toward the coffin and Mario runs in front of him.)

Koopa: Outta my way, plumb scum!

Mario: This garlic will put you outta the way!

(Mario breathes toward Koopa. Koopa starts coughing and acts like he is in agony. [That would have worked even without the garlic! =P ] Koopa suddenly crashes into a wall as if he had been hit with a cannon and slides down. Then he somehow springs back up and crashes into the ceiling. He falls and smashes his coffin.)

Mario: He's havin' a coffin spell!

(Koopa raises his arms, and in a puff of bright pink smoke, he becomes a bat-like turtle.)

Koopa: I'll get ya for this!

(Koopa flies out through the window, breaking it.)

Koopa: I'll be back! Just you wait 'n' see!

(All of a sudden, the entire castle starts shaking. The Mario Gang runs out the front door and across a tiny bridge, which collapses immediately. They run to a nearby hill, and the castle collapses.)

Toad: Hehehe! Talk about bringin' down the house!

(Later, they are walking along a thin strip of land, surrounded by hills and lush trees and an orange sky.)

Toadstool: I'm sure glad to be saying "ciao" to Turtlevania.

Mario: Chow? That reminds me! *pulls out yet another white box from his overalls* It's chow time! I've got my spare cantellini!

(Mario opens the box, picks up a fork that is inside, and starts to eat.)

Luigi: Yo, my brother, the pasta vampire.

(Toadstool and Toad laugh.)

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