(The scene starts when the Mario Bros., Princess, and Toad are in a bathtub headed for the collisseum for a big spaghetti dinner.)

Mario: (in his mind) Plumber's log number 603. On our way to Linguini Empire. The emperor invited us to attend a benefit spaghetti dinner, to raise money for orphan Mushrooms. (he is now talking to Luigi) Hey, Luigi! Can't you get any more speed out of this old tub?

Luigi: Keep your mustache on Mario. We'll be on time for the dinner.

Princess: The emperor must be a wonderful man. I can't wait to meet him.

Mario: I can't wait to meet all that spaghetti.

(Scene switches to right above. Koopa and Triclyde are hiding beside a rock watching them.)

Koopa: (sticks his head out, watching) Guess who's coming to dinner, Triclydiest? The Marios.

(One of Triclyde's head pops out.)

Triclyde: Mash 'em! Stomp 'em! Crush 'em!

(Koopa pulls his head back in.)

Koopa: Don't let 'em see you, snake breath. I want them to walk into my trap.

(The second Triclyde head pops out.)

Triclyde: Mash 'em! Stomp 'em! Crush 'em!

(Koopa pulls his head back in also.)

Koopa: Why do I have to give you an order three times before it sticks in?

Triclyde Head 1: I don't know, ask him.

Triclyde Head 2: I don't know, ask him. Ha ha.

(Koopa sticks his head out.)

Koopa: I can't let you weenies ruin my plan to get the Marios out of the way.

Triclyde: Mash 'em! Stomp 'em! Crush 'em! Ha ha ha!

(Koopa pulls his head back in.)

Koopa: Get back here you stupid servant!

(The scene changes to the collisseum, where the Mario gang is just arriving.)

Luigi: See! we're here ahead of time. We got a half an hour to chow.

Mario: Half an hour! I could starve by then.

(Mario and everyone else hears a big stomp noise.)

Mario: Huh?!

Luigi: Earthquake! Run for your lives!

(Luigi hides under the tub.)

Mario Gang: Huh!!!

(Everyone sees Brutius.)

Brutius: You must be the guest of honor.

Mario: Uh, excuse my brother, he gets nervous around guys six times bigger then him.

Toad: Are you the emperor?

Brutius: No, no. I'm Brutius Maximus Grouchiness, guardion of the collisseum. Follow me!

(Everyone follows Brutius.)

Princess: I'll bet no one tries to sneak in without a ticket.

Brutius: There may not be anything to sneak into. The orphans benefit dinner may be canceled.

Mario: (shocked) No spaghetti?!

Brutius: No spaghetti. We got a plumbing problem in the catacombs under the collisseum. Unless it's fixed...

Mario: We can fix anything that there's spaghetti involved.

Brutius: Great!

(Brutius snaps his fingers to bring Koopa guards.)

Brutius: Guard, take Princess Toadstool and this creature.

(Toad jumps out in front and gets really mad.)

Toad: Hey! Watch that creature stuff.

(Brutius growls at Toad and stomps the ground, causing Toad to go up and down.)

Toad: Wo! On second thought, creature does have a nice ring to it.

Brutius: (talking to the guards) Take them on a tour of the collissem.

(Mario and Luigi stay with the Koopa guards while Princess and Toad follow Brutius into the coliseum. He leads them to the emperor.)

Brutius: Ah, we're in luck. Here is the emperor now.

Princess: Wonderful. I wanna thank you for being so kind to the Mushroom orphans. Nice to meet you, your majesty.

(She doesn't realize it's Koopa due to his shadowy figure.)

Koopa: (growls) I've been so looking forward to your visit.

Princess: King Koopa!

(Toad growls.)

Koopa: Emperor Augustus Septemberus Octoberus Koopa to you, my little prisoner.

(Toad jogs away.)

Toad: I'm gonna see how my good buddies Mario and Luigi are doing.

(A Koopa guard catches Toad and leads him back to Brutius and Koopa.)

Brutius: You aren't going nowhere fungus!

Toad: That's what I said, I aren't going nowhere.

Brutius: Fungus!

Toad: Right! Fungus! Ha ha. Sorry, I forgot that part.

Princess: A spaghetti dinner to help orphan Mushrooms in eed. Wait'll Mario and Luigi find out about this.

Koopa: They're gonna find out about it right now, bright eyes.

(Brutius runs to tell Mario and Luigi.)

Koopa: In the meantime, let me make you both comfortable.

Princess: *gasp*

(Switch scenes to the bottom of the collisseum, where Brutius is showing Mario and Luigi a horse, ready with a plan to capture them.)

Mario: Eh, this is some place, huh Luigi?

Luigi: It's some place, but I don't know what place.

Brutius: This is the place where we capture you.

Mario: Oh! See Luigi, this is the place where they...

Mario and Luigi: CAPTURE US?!

(Koopa guards come with shields and sticks.)

Brutius: Ha ha ha!

Mario: Hey, shaddap you face! One second!

(The song "Shaddap You Face" starts. Mario throws a torch at the Koopas and to make a run for it he grabs Luigi right away. They end up sitting on a horse to get them out of there but something's wrong with the horse.)

Luigi: He's too busy eating Mario, ha ha. He's your kind of horse.

(Mario uses a pipe with oats on it to make the horse go.)

Mario: Giddeup! Chow hound!

(The horse sees the hay and goes.)

Luigi: Woah!

(Mario and Luigi escapes a collision between the Koopa Troopas from each side from the bottom of the collisseum.)

Brutius: Grrrr!

(Brutius picks up some Koopa Troopas and rolls them up in a ball and rolls them down to get Mario and Luigi)

Luigi: Mario! We got trouble!

(Mario tosses his pipe with oats on it on the ground, causing the balls to hit it and bounce somewhere else.)

Luigi: That was some trick Mario!

Horse: How about doing another trick and getting me some more oats?

Mario: Sorry, I'm out of oats.

(The horse stops completely, making the Mario Bros. fly up high and into the ground.)

Horse: No oats, no work. Sorry fat boy!

(Brutius and the Koopa Troopas find the Marios and go after them.)

Mario: Run for it, Luigi!

Luigi: They're gonna catch us Mario.

Mario: Just what the doctor ordered, a secret escape door.

(Mario and Luigi go in the door and end up in the gladiator arena. They see Koopa with the princess and Toad.)

Koopa: There's no escaping the great Augustus Septemberus Octoberus Koopa! Welcome to my spaghetti dinner, faucit freaks.

Luigi: This don't look good for the good guys.

Koopa: And now I'd like to introduce you clog heads to my gladiator. Fight 'em and win and you go free. Ha ha ha.

Princess: I think you're the most evil despicable reptilian individual I've ever known.

Koopa: Why thank you Princess. Bring on my champion.

(A Koopa Troopa opens the gate to let out the champion, which is Triclyde. Triclyde is dressed up in an armor suit with a dagger and net.)

Luigi: What's he gonna do with that net Mario?

Mario: He's not going fishing, that's for sure Luigi. You go that away (he points), I'll go this way.

(Triclyde thinks aout who he should go after. He decides to follow Luigi. One of Triclyde's head throws a dagger at Luigi, causing him to get stuck to the dagger and into the wall.)

Luigi: Woah! Help!

(Mario helps Luigi by jumping onto one of Triclyde's necks and holding on.)

Mario: Now Luigi. Get 'em!

Luigi: Get 'em?!

Mario: GET EM!!!

(Triclyde bites Mario in the butt and spins him in the air and tosses him into the wall.)

Mario: Woah!

Luigi: Hey, that's my brother Mario, you three-faced double crosser.

(Luigi gets off the dagger he was stuck on and runs for his life but Triclyde uses a net to capture him.)

Koopa: Enjoying the show, Princess? Ha ha ha!

Princess: It's awful! JUST AWFUL!

Koopa: Aw, it'll be over soon. Triclydiest is gonna make mints Mario meat out of those two wrench heads!

(Triclyde goes after Mario with a dagger. He is still up against the wall.)

Mario: Ooh! I got to get Luigi out of that net.

(Triclyde tries to chop Mario but misses with the dagger and Mario gets it. Triclyde growls.)

Luigi: Ah!

Mario: I got to tell you Luigi, I'm working up one big appetite.

Luigi: Doh, so is he. We can't keep this up forever Mario, there's too many of them, I mean him.

Mario: Wait a macaroni minute. I got an idea! Dance Luigi!

Luigi: You lost your noodle?

Mario: Dance! Dance!

(Mario spins Luigi around to let him dance,)

Triclyde: Huh?

(The Marios dance around Triclyde, making him dizzy.)

Triclyde: I'll take that one, NO that one! I got 'em, no the other one.

(Triclyde gets tangled around his necks.)

Triclyde: What the hey!

Princess: Your champion looks dizzy, Koopa.

Koopa: Not for long Princess. Three heads are better than two.

(Triclyde gets dizzy and falls to the ground.)

Mario: We did it Luigi!

Koopa: It can't be! They defeated my champion!

Princess: And now you got to let them go.

Koopa: That's what you think. Brutius! Release the lions!

Princess: But you promised!

Koopa: One of the nice things about being evil is you get to lie a lot. Ha ha!

(A gate opens and lions come out slowly, ready to attack.)

Luigi: We got no chance against these lions, Mario!

Mario: (talking to the lions) Uh, wait a sec. Ok, you guys are suppose to be king of the beasts.

Lion 1: You got it, you chubby little chunk of lunch meat.

Mario: If you're really kings, you should be having an emperor for dinner instead of two measly plumbers.

Lion 1: (talking to Lion 2) He's got a point Harry.

Mario: Come on, I'll help you sink your teeth into some delicious Koopa meat.

(Koopa is about to attack the princess.)

Koopa: Come now, be a good girl Princess.

Mario: Duck Princess!

(Mario runs with a large stick to get him up to Koopa. He bends the stick by hitting the ground, causing him to fly up and hit Koopa.)

Mario: Caesar Mario!

Toad: Woah!

(Mario hits Koopa, making him hit part of the collisseum and causing the collisseum to collapse. Everyone makes a run for it out of there.)

Koopa: YEEEOOOW!!!

(Koopa jumps and hits the ground where the lions are.)

Lion #1: Now this is what I call a meal!

Koopa: YEEEOOOW!!!

(Koopa runs out of the collisseum and the lions follow him.)

Koopa: AH! You Marios haven't seen the last of King Koopa!

Lion 1: Hey Koopa, slow down, we're hungry.

Koopa: YEEEOOOW!!!

(Koopa runs out of the picture and so do the lions. Change the scene to the collisseum again, which they make it the spaghetti dinner place. There are people in line entering the collisseum for the dinner and Toad is taking money to go in.)

Toad: Take it easy folks. don't crowd. Plenty of spaghetti for everyone. One gold coin admission. That's right, help the Mushroom orphans.

(Bruitius is stirring a bunch of spaghetti in a big caldron. He then puts his finger in and licks some of it.)

Brutius: Koopa should have stuck with the spaghetti dinner idea in the first place. Yummy!

(Mario is eating some spaghetti when the princess comes and shows him the money they earned.)

Princess: And we made more then enough money to build the orphanage.

Luigi: Look at these guys eat Mario, maybe we should stay here and open a spaghetti restaurant.

(Lion 1 comes up to Luigi with a plate in his hand.)

Lion 1: Hey Luigi, you want to get to work? Break time's over! I'm so starved I could eat a horse, or a plumber!

Luigi: *gulp* One extra big plate of spaghetti coming right up.

(Luigi heads to Brutius with Lion 1's plate, waiting for spaghetti to be served, and everyone laughs including the lion.)

(The Marios are by the pipes. Luigi is sitting on a ladder, trying to fit a large pipe into the wall, while Mario is below him.)

Luigi: Okay, it's gonna go right here! Hold this.

Mario: That's it. Tighten it up!

(Luigi fits the pipe into the wall.)

Luigi: All right, here it is. It's in. Yeah!

(The pipe falls on Mario's head.)

Luigi: Oh no. Okay, give me the wrench! Mario. Mario! Mario!

(Luigi climbs down the ladder and puts his arm over Mario's shoulders.)

Luigi: Mario, talk to me!

(Mario lets out a light scream.)

Luigi: Talk to me!

Later...

Luigi: Ooh. Come on, come on.

(Luigi walks Mario, who is still screaming, over to the couch. Mario tries to wander off, but Luigi directs him to the couch.)

Luigi: Okay, okay, okay! You're gonna be okay. Come here! All right, sit down! Sit down, Brother! Sit down. You'll be all right. Okay, lie down.

(Luigi sits Mario down on the couch.)

Luigi: Okay. Don't go anywhere! Oh geez!

(Luigi goes over to the table and flips through the yellow pages.)

Luigi: Has, hairy, happy, hairy, head, head!

(Luigi starts dialing.)

Luigi: (to Mario) Take it easy! I got help on the way! (to the phone) Hello? Oh, is this Dr. Sigmund Fruitcake, the blow to the head doctor? It is? Oh, gosh, thanks! Look, my brother just hit himself on the head, could you come right over? You can? Thanks a lot, Doc!

(As soon as Luigi hangs up, the doorbell rings, and Dr. Fruitcake, a bald, bearded, German man with glasses, enters.)

Luigi: Great service!

Dr. Fruitcake: Auch die! I am Dr. Sigmund Fruitycake! The noted head doctor! I got here as quick as I could! Oh boy, I love making head calls!

(Dr. Fruitcake walks down the stairs to Luigi.)

Dr. Fruitcake: This is a very unusual head! Aside from the obvious ugliness, and the hairiness of this head, I do not see a problem!

Luigi: Thank you very much, Doctor. But you see, this ugly hairy head is not the problem. It's my brother. He got hit in the head, and he thinks he's a bird!

Dr. Fruitcake: A boid? Oh, pish posh! It's no problem! Many people, maybe two or three, they dream und they fantasize about flying around like a bird! But it, it's a, it's a perfectly normal thing to do! Yah! Yah!

Luigi: Really?

Dr. Fruitcake: Yah!

Luigi: *gasp* Oh, good! Thanks Doctor! What a relief!

Dr. Fruitcake: Ah, don't mention it!

(Mario starts clucking like a chicken. Luigi and Dr. Fruitcake sneak up behind him.)

Dr. Fruitcake: Auch die liebe! Oy veys mir! This man, he really has a problem!

Luigi: But you said everything was okay!

(At nighttime, Luigi is talking to Dr. Fruitcake on the phone. Dr. Fruitcake is in bed.)

Dr. Fruitcake: Now, what's the problem, Luigi? You get me up in the middle of ze night? You dial 976-Dial-A-Shrink or something?

Luigi: No no no no! Dr. Fruitcake! You must come back and see Mario!

Dr. Fruitcake: But, Luigi! My chicken therapy, it was a stunning success! Your brother iz no longer under ze illusion that he is a chicken!

Luigi: I know, but that's the problem!

Dr. Fruitcake: Vat? Vat? I don't understand!

Luigi: No, Doc! Now my poor brother Mario thinks he's a monkey! Could you hold on a minute, Doc?

(Luigi turns his head over to Mario, who is eating a banana and hanging upside-down on a hanging pipe structure.)

Luigi: Mario! Mario! Mario! Mario! Mario, would you get down from there?

(Luigi picks up the phone.)

Dr. Fruitcake: So, vat iz it you vant me to do, Luigi? You vant that I should revert Mario just back to plain vanilla Mario?

Luigi: No, no, no, not exactly, Doc. I'd sorta like him back to being a chicken.

Dr. Fruitcake: Vy?

Luigi: Well, to be honest with you, we could use the eggs.

(Mario tosses a banana peel at Luigi.)

Luigi: Thanks anyway, Doc.

(The next day, Dr. Fruitcake has returned and is standing next to Mario.)

Dr. Fruitcake: You silly chimp chicken, you! Stop vith the monkey business! *laugh* Oh, that vas just some psychiatric Looney Tunes banter! I find that it relaxes the patients! Personally, I like that joke very much! *laugh*

Luigi: *fake laugh* Excuse me, Doc, but I got a Rhode Island Red named Cheetah for a brother, and you're makin' with the jokes!

Dr. Fruitcake: You're absolutely right! But seriously, folks! It is a pleasure to be back here in Brooklyn, vere the surf meets the plumbing! *laugh* Oh, this is a very tough room! All right, Mario! I tell you what ve will do! We will use thought-transfer therapy! I vant that, ve will take the thoughts that are in your mind and ve vill send them, ah, who cares, wherever they go! We vill send them! All right, now I vant that you should repeat after me! I am not a chicken!

(Mario makes clucking noises.)

Dr. Fruitcake: No, I'm lying! I am not a chicken! Say it!

Mario: I am not a chicken!

Dr. Fruitcake: I am not a monkey!

Mario: Ooh ooh ooh ooh!

Dr. Fruitcake: I am not a monkey!

Mario: I am not a monkey!

Dr. Fruitcake: Vell, I think that you are cured.

Mario: Oh, thanks, Doc!

Dr. Fruitcake: Vell, no more problems around here!

Mario: No, almost!

(Mario points to Luigi, who is walking around, clucking like a chicken.)

Dr. Fruitcake: Vell, I tell you vat you should do. Take ten dollars off of my bill!

Mario: 'Til next time, everybody!

Mario and Luigi: Do the Mario!

Dr. Fruitcake: Do da Mario!

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