(The episode opens to a modern city at night.)

Mario: (in his mind) Plumber's Log, Number 007. We've arrived in Spy Land.

(A tuxedo-wearing spy is running through the streets. He then stops, looks around, and continues.)

Mario: (in his mind) Secret Agent James Blonde had just uncovered the latest evil plot of a master criminal who called himself Koopfinger. But Koopfinger was one step ahead, and pulled his own "Turn you into stone" trick.

(Blonde enters an alley and screams when he runs into Koopa, who now has a muscular body, a scar on his face, a blue overcoat, slacks, and gloves. Koopa makes a fist and the ring he's wearing emits some pink smoke over Blonde.)

Blonde: Hey!

(Blonde points his gun at Koopa, but before he can fire, the smoke turns him to stone.) Cut to an Italian restaurant at daytime. The Marios are eating spaghetti at  a table with Princess.)

Mario: Sure nice of you, Princess, to buy us lunch at this restaurant!

Princess: Sorry, Mario! But I didn't ask you here for lunch!

(Princess pulls a hidden lever on a candleholder and a trapdoor under the table opens up. The table then falls down a long shaft.)

Luigi: Terrifying tortellini! We're faaaaaallin'!

Princess: This is a secret entrance to Super Spy Headquarters! With James Blonde turned to stone, you're the only two who can stop Koopfinger!

Luigi: Us?

Princess: Yes! And I'm officially appointing you to her majesty's Secret Service!

(Once they reach the bottom of the shaft, an elevator chime is heard and a door opens, leading to a room full of high-tech equipment.)

Voice: Welcome to the Super Spy Laboratory! I'm Secret Agent N!

(A big, bald man, who's wearing a brown tuxedo and smoking a pipe, approaches them.)

Luigi: I see.

Agent N: Not C! N!

Luigi: Oh!

Agent: Not O! N! Agent O's on holiday!

(The Marios look at each other, then back at Agent N.)

Agent N: Secret Agents Mario and Luigi, your new Spymobile is ready!

(Agent N leads the others into the next room, where a pink cover is covering the so-called Spymobile. Agent N pulls out a remote and presses a button, lifting the cover. The Spymobile turns out to be what looks like a red and pink truck with tail fins.)

Luigi: Yo, what Spymobile? It's just an old plumber's truck!

Agent N: Well, that's what it looks like, old bean! But this baby's packing more firepower than a battleship!

(Agent N walks over to a table, opens a toolbox, and pulls out various tools and devices.)

Agent N: And that's not all! You'll be equipped with the latest in plumbing weaponry! Wrench phone, exclusive drain cleaner, atomic screwdriver...

(Mario grabs a drill.)

Mario: What's this?

Agent N: Watch out!

(Mario pulls the drill's trigger and it shoots a laser which hits a string holding up a model plane, causing it to fall down and break.)

Agent N: Be careful! That's a laser drill!

Mario: Boy! A guy could have a great time in a flooded basement with all this stuff!

(A siren starts blaring.)

Princess: What's happening?

Agent N: It's a red alert!

(Agent N leads them back into the first room and uses his remote to bring down a control panel. On the screen, a building shaped like a piggybank is shown in the countryside somewhere.)

Agent N: That's Fort Hard Knocks, where all of Spy Land's gold coins are kept!

(A blue car approaches the compound and drives through the gates. Inside the car is Koopa, who's driving, along with Mouser, Triclyde, and a Troopa. Mouser is big and muscular, and wearing a coat and a derby. He also resembles a hit man. The Troopa is muscular, with no shell, a mohawk, and wearing shorts. He too resembles a hit man. Triclyde looks normal, except that he's wearing legless purple pants.)

Princess: Look! Koopfinger's breaking inside! This must be the terrible scheme James Blonde tried to warn us about!

Mario: Time for Secret Agents Mario and Luigi to go into action!

Luigi: Let's really keep it a secret that we're agents, eh, by stayin' here!

(Mario grabs Luigi and walks off. Cut to Fort Hard Knocks. Koopa's car drives up to the door of the building,
which has a huge combination lock on it. Everyone gets out and goes up to the door. Koopa lights a bomb and hurls it at the door.)

Koopa: Magic potion, do your stuff!
[Note: For some reason, Koopa thinks the bomb is a potion.]

(The bomb explodes, blowing up the door in the process.)

Koopa: At last! I've Koopa conquered Fort Hard Knocks! There's more gold here, than in a candy lover's mouth! Let's bag this booty and blow!

(Koopa and Co run over to a huge pile of coins and begin loading their sacks.) Meanwhile, Mario is driving the Spymobile down the road leading to the fort.)

Mario: We're approaching Fort Hard Knocks! Let's see what this super Spymobile can do! Activate the plumber-scope!

(Luigi pulls a cord and a periscope comes out of a hatch on the roof. Luigi pulls down the bottom part of the periscope and looks through it, where he can see Koopa's car driving away.)

Luigi: Lousiness linguini! Koopfinger's getting away with the gold!

Mario: Not on your lasagna lovin' life! Activate the plumber pulsion!

(Luigi pulls the cord again and two showerheads come out of the back of the truck. They then spray water, pushing the truck faster, and they eventually catch up with Koopa.)

Koopa: This is the crowning caper of my Koopa career! *laugh*

(The Troopa looks out the window and sees the Spymobile.)

Troopa: Bad news, boss! We're bein' followed by a plumber's truck!

(Koopa looks through his side mirror and sees the Spymobile for himself.)

Koopa: Cursed crocodiles! It's those pepperoni plumbers! Let's Snifit slaughter 'em!

(Koopa presses a button and the trunk opens up. Inside is a Snifit, who shoots some bullets at the Spymobile's windshield, but it doesn't break.)

Luigi: Yo! Good thing this windshield's made of Snifit-proof glass!

Mario: Fire the plumber missiles!

(Luigi pulls the cord a third time, and the headlights open up. Plungers are fired out of the headlights and hit the Snifit, knocking him out of commission.)

Koopa: Rotten reptile! I'll ambush 'em with an Albatoss!

(Koopa pushes another button, and a hatch opens up on the roof of the car. An Albatoss carrying a Bob-omb flies out and heads towards the Spymobile.)

Luigi: Albatoss comin' in for a Bob-omb attack!

Mario: Fire the plumber gun!

(Luigi pulls the cord again and a shower cap comes out of a hatch on the roof. It sprays the Albatoss with water, knocking it away.)

Mouser: They're still behind us!

Koopa: That's it! I'm through trying to reason with those pesky plumbers!

(Koopa picks up a CB radio.)

Koopa: Koopfinger to Birdo! Nab those eggplant eating idiots!

(A large Birdo with dragon-like wings flies down from the sky, grabs the Spymobile, and flies off with it.)

Luigi: Calamitous calzone! We've been Koopa captured!

Mario: It's looks like we're plumb out of luck!

(Cut to nighttime. An establishing shot of Koopa's hideout, which is an oddly shaped building somewhere in the city, is shown. [Note: Although it's now nighttime, the establishing shot of the building is during the day.] Koopa and Co and the Marios are in Koopa's office. Koopa is sitting in chair, stroking a Porcupo, while the Marios are shackled to a wall.)

Koopa: Welcome to my hideout!

Mario: Let us go, Koopfinger! Before you land in rotten ravioli!

Koopa: Shut your valve, bilge brain! We're gonna play a little game!

(Koopa pushes a button on his chair. Some spotlights turn on in the center of the room, and gameshow music starts up. A panel in the far wall opens up, and a platform slides out as Koopa and Co applaud. On the platform is a blonde woman by the name of Vampa White, a car, and a Wheel of Fortune-style wheel.)

Vampa: Welcome to the Wheel of Misfortune! The game of pain, misery, and torture! I'm your hostess, Vampa White!

(Koopa and Co applaud some more.)

Mouser: What a shlice of cheesecake!

Vampa: Playing the game is simple. To decide the Mario Bros.' fate, we simply spin the wheel!

(Vampa gives the wheel a spin.)

Luigi: Nervous noodles! I don't think I like this game!

(The wheel lands a space marked "TUNNEL OF DOOM".)

Vampa: Congratulations! You win a trip to the Tunnel of Doom!

(Koopa and Co applaud again.)

Koopa: Oh, goody-goody! The Tunnel of Doom! My favorite!

(The Marios are shivering.)

Luigi: The Tunnel of D-d-doom?

Vampa: Bon voyage!

(Vampa pulls a lever and a trapdoor opens beneath the Marios. Their shackles then release them and they fall down the hole, landing in a cavern.)

Mario: Wahoo! What a ride! I wonder why they call this place, the uh, Tunnel of Doom?

(Luigi turns around and points.)

Luigi: I think I just figured it out! Look!

(A Goomba is running down the tunnel towards them.)

Mario: It's a Goomba attack! Run for it!

Luigi: Woah!

(The Marios runs down the tunnel the other way, as the Goomba chases them.)

Luigi: Perilous pizza! Look!

(Up ahead is a group of Piranha Plants.)

Mario: Piranha Plants! Jump!

(The Marios jump on top of the Piranha Plants and bounce across them, and so does the Goomba.)

Luigi: Uh oh! Look!

(A Sparky approaches them.)

Mario: Sparky on the wrong path!

(The Marios stop running, with the Goomba and Spark getting closer and closer.)

Luigi: Sufferin' spumoni! We're trapped!

Mario: Not Secret Agent Mario!

(Mario pulls a nozzle and a small plunger out of his pockets.)

Mario: This super spy hose nozzle and mini plunger oughtta do the trick!

(Mario loads the plunger into the nozzle and fires it upwards. The plunger is attached to a rope, so when it reaches the ceiling, the Marios use the rope to climb up.)

Mario: Secret agents away!

(The Goomba and Spark collide and blow up.)

Luigi: Lucky linguini! I thought we were dead meatballs!

(The Marios come out of a trapdoor in a hallway of the hideout.)

Luigi: We're back in Koopfinger's hideout!

Mario: Come on! Let's turn the tables on that rancid reptile!

(The Marios run off. Cut to Koopa's office, where Koopa is back to stroking the Porcupo.)

Troopa: (in Triclyde's voice) Boss! Eh, we finished counting the gold coins we stole from Fort Hard Knocks!

Koopa: How many are there?

Mouser: Nine hundred and ninety-nine billion trillion billion million! And one.

(Koopa pounds his fist.)

Koopa: Lousy lizards! Is that all? We're gonna hafta pull another caper quick!

(The Marios drop down from the ceiling.)

Mario and Luigi: Super spy surprise!

Koopa: Drat! It's those sewer-swimming secret agents!

Mario: That's right, Koopfinger! And we're gonna pump your pipes!

Koopa: We'll see about that! Koopa pack, ATTACK!

(The song "Secret Agent Man" starts up. Mouser, Triclyde, and the Troopa run up to the Marios. Mario pulls out a screwdriver, and the tip extends outwards. Luigi pulls out a wrench, and it too extends. Mario uses his
screwdriver to fight off Mouser, who's using a sword. The Troopa tries to punch Luigi, who hits the Troopa on the head with his wrench, but ends up making a dent in the wrench without even hurting the Troopa.)

Luigi: Uh oh!

(Mouser removes his derby and flings it at Mario, but it ends up hitting Triclyde, knocking him out. Luigi hits the Troopa again, but he only makes another dent in the wrench. The hat then flies around and hits the Troopa in the back of the head, knocking him out too. The Wheel of Misfortune display from earlier comes back out of the wall. Vampa blows a kiss, which turns into a fireball, at Mario, who reflects it with his screwdriver. It bounces around the room and hits Mouser, knocking him out as well. Vampa tries to run off, but her shirt gets caught on the wheel. The fireball hits the wheel, causing it and Vampa to go spinning around and around, and flinging her away. Koopa tries to run off, but the Marios jump in front of him.)

Koopa: You clog clearing clodhoppers have foiled my plans again!

(The wheel lands on a space marked "KOOPA KAPUT".)

Mario: Koopfinger! You're caput!

(The song ends.)

Koopa: Then, as the old saying goes; He who Koops and runs away, lives to Koop another day!

(Koopa pulls out a potion and throws it, creating a door.)

Luigi: He's escapin' into a warp zone!

(Koopa runs through the door and it disappears.)

Luigi: Yo, miserable mozzarella! The Koopa's got away again!

(Mario retracts his screwdriver and puts it away.)

Mario: Yes, but he won't be snoopin' around Spy Land anymore!

(Cut to the Super Spy Headquarters the next day. The Marios are back with Princess, Agent N, and Blonde, who's back to normal.)

Agent N: Now that Koopfinger's gone, Agent James Blonde is back in human form! Jolly good show, Mario chaps!

Luigi: Ah, it was nothin'! Danger is our business!

(Mario laughs. The scent of something then wafts by the group.)

Mario: I smell food!

(Mario follows the smell to a set table with a plate of spaghetti.)

Mario: Mamamia! Lunch!

(Mario sits at the table and picks up a fork and spoon.)

Agent N: LOOK OUT! It's no ordinary food!

(Mario sticks his utensils in the spaghetti, and it blows up in his face.)

Agent N: That's my new spaghetti bomb!

(Mario slurps up one of the noodles.)

Mario: Mmm. I just love food that's spicy!

(Mario winks.)

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