The Pied Koopa

Submitted by Hip

(The episode opens to a village in Pasta Land, a place where the scenery resembles forks and pasta noodles, and the ground looks like a tablecloth.)

Mario: (in his mind) Plumber's Log, Number 50-24. The trouble started just before we arrived in Pasta Land. King Koopa used a magic flute to steal all the children.

(Koopa is playing a hypnotic tune on his flute and walking away from the village, with various Mushroom children following him.)

Koopa: Boogie with Koopa, you fungus brats! Boogie right into my double-dealing clutches! *laugh*

(Koopa goes back to playing and leads the children further away from the village. Later, Mario and Co are walking towards the village.)

Toad: Didn't I tell you dudes you'd really dig this bodacious kingdom?

(Mario walks up to a giant fork in the ground with a ball of noodles on it.)

Mario: Hey! A place where pasta grows on trees is my kind of place!

(Mario slurps up a noodle. Luigi then tugs on another noodle.)

Luigi: Yeah, too bad they can't grow with meatballs or somethin'.

Toad: I told ya Pasta Land was paradise!

(The group continues onwards a bit more and Toad points up ahead.)

Toad: Right over there! Lake Spaghetti Sauce!

Mario: *laugh* Luigi, I think we finally found a place that could make me happier than Brooklyn!

Toad: Everybody in Pasta Land is happy! Come on! I'll introduce you to the mayor!

(Mario and Co arrive in the village, and are now with the mayor and some other adults.)

Mayor: Times are terrible, Toad! Disaster has descended on Pasta Land's people!

Toad: What's wrong, Mayor Fettuccine?

Mayor: The Pied Koopa has just stolen all our children!

Princess: Oh no! How terrible!

Mario: Stupid Koopa's stooping lower and lower these days!

Luigi: Why would he want all of Pasta Land's bambinos?

Mayor: Who knows?

Mouser (off screen): I do!

(Everyone looks off to the side and sees Mouser.)

Mouser: Listen to this Koopagram!

(Mouser unravels a note and begins to read it.)

Mouser: *reading* Your children are now prisoners at Koopa Castle! I will only give them back if you give me your entire spaghetti tree crop! Signed: King Koopa! *stops reading* You owe him four gold coins! He sends this COD.

(The mayor pays Mouser, who then walks off.)

Mayor: People of Pasta Land! We have no choice! We must give our spaghetti harvest to Koopa!

Mario: Not yet, Mayor Fettuccine! My stomach's got plans for that pasta! Come on, let's get those kids back! We'll follow Mouser to Koopa's castle!

(Mario runs off, with Luigi, Princess, and Toad following him. Cut to Koopa's castle in Pasta Land, which is surrounded by a moat. Mouser walks across the drawbridge, while Mario and Co run up a flight of stairs
towards the castle.)

Mario: *gasp* Hurry! *gasp* We gotta get inside, before they pull up that drawbridge!

(The group runs onto the drawbridge, but while they're on it, a Troopa pulls a lever and the drawbridge breaks away from the castle, causing the four of them to fall into the water. After a moment, the group surfaces.)

Luigi: Your plan had a few leaks in it, Mario!

Mario: Look at it this way, Luigi! We get our overalls washed, free of charge!

(Toad points upwards.)

Toad: Yeah, just in time for our funerals! Look!

(Four Albatoss holding Bob-ombs fly down towards the group.)

Mario: Head for the shore!

Toad: Don't head for shore!

(The shore is surrounded by Troopas with spears. The group swims off, but Bob-ombs and spears are thrown at them.)

Princess: They're attacking us from the side!

Toad: They're attacking us from the shore!

Luigi: There's no place we can go, Mario!

Mario: I'd just been wishing I had a submarine sandwich and it gave me an idea! Follow me!

(Mario dives below the surface and the other three follow.)

Mario: Look, there's a Power Block!

(Mario swims down to a POW Block at the bottom of the water and picks it up. He then throws it against the castle wall, creating a hole that pulls the group in. On the other side of the hole is the dungeon, which is now partly flooded. Mario leads the group over to the stairs at the entrance.)

Mario: Koopa's Troopas can't get us now! We're safe!

Luigi: Whadda ya mean, safe? We're trapped in King Koopa's dungeon!

Princess: But Koopa doesn't know we're here! All we have to do is sneak up there, and rescue the captured children!

(Princess points to the door.)

Luigi: Oh, is that all? Piece of cake!

Mario: The princess is right, Luigi! Come on!

(Mario walks up the stairs to the door.)

Luigi: Careful, Mario! There could be real danger behind that door!

Mario: It can't be any worse than a dungeon full of water!

(Mario opens the door and turns around, unaware that Koopa's standing on the other side.)

Koopa: Wanna bet, my soggy, little, sink slob? Troopas, take these plumbers prisoner! Also, the princess and that fathead Mushroom!

Toad: Hey, most nostrils! You call me fathead once more, and I'll give ya a fat lip!

Koopa: Since you busy bodies flooded my favorite dungeon, I think it's only fair you spend the rest of your lives there! *laugh* Toss 'em in the drink!

(Some Troopas come in and pick up Mario and Co. They carry them down the stairs and toss them in the water.)

Toad: I've heard of damp dungeons, but this is ridiculous!

Mario: Things could be worse!

Luigi: Are you kiddin'? We're gonna spend the rest of our lives as fish! What could be worse?

(A grate in the wall opens up and some Trouters swim out of it.)

Toad: How 'bout spendin' the rest of our lives as fish bait?

(Mario and Co attempt to swim away from the Trouters and swim over to some shackles, which are suspended from the highest point of one of the walls.)

Luigi: Holy macaroni! We're runnin' out of room to hide!

Princess: And those Trouters look terribly hungry! Look how high these handcuffs are! This dungeon must get a lot of tall prisoners!

(The four of them leap out of the water and grab onto the shackles.)

Toad: They get tall after Koopa stretches them!

Mario: Hey, look what got washed in from the moat with us! A Bob-omb!

(Mario points to a Bob-omb floating in the water. He then jumps down from the shackles and grabs the Bob-omb.)

Mario: I've got it! We'll drain the dungeon just like we drained the moat!

(Mario swims down to the far wall, sets the Bob-omb in place, and swims away.)

Mario: I'll blow the far wall so the water can empty into the castle basement!

(Mario jumps out of the water and grabs onto the shackles again.)

Mario: Hang onto those rings, or we'll all go down the drain!

(The Bob-omb explodes, blowing a hole in the wall and draining away all the water in the dungeon, along with the Trouters.)

Mario: Well, Koopa's got a dry dungeon again! Maybe he'll let bygones be bygones!

Toad: Sure, Mario! And maybe you'll stop scarfin' spaghetti! Hey, listen, I'd love to hang out with you guys some more, but my arms are tired! Goin' down, your highness?

Princess: Going down!

(Princess drops down to the floor.)

Princess: There! Getting down was fun!

(Toad drops down and lands with an "OOF". He then rubs his butt.)

Toad: If you're dressed for it!

(Mario drops down and looks up at Luigi.)

Luigi: You guys land in one piece?

Toad: What's the matter, Luigi? You're scared?

Luigi: I don't like high places!

Mario: It ain't high down here!

Luigi: You got a point!

(Luigi covers his eyes and drops down, but he lands on Toad.)

Toad: Ouch!

Luigi: What was I scared of? That was a real soft landing!

Princess: Now that we're safe, Mario, we have to rescue those captured children!

Toad: Yeah! But how?

Mario: First we have to find where Koopa's keeping them! Come on!

(Cut to the castle courtyard, where the children are happily playing games like jump rope and hopscotch. Koopa enters.)

Koopa: What's goin' on with those brats? MOUSER!

(The children continue to play, and one of them even tickles a Troopa. Mouser is now with Koopa.)

Koopa: Mouser, this is not a nursery school! This is an evil castle!

Mouser: Right, your royal Koopaness! You want more evil!

(Mario and Co are spying on Koopa through a window in the dungeon.)

Koopa: Round up those little monsters and throw them in the brig, then double the guard!

Mouser: Right! Double the guard!

Koopa: You're thinking too small, you repulsive rodent! Triple the guard!

Luigi: With that many guards, we'll never free those bambinos!

Mario: Unless, we do to the Koopa Troopa guards, what the Pied Koopa did to those kids!

Princess: What are you talking about, Mario?

Mario: Quick! We gotta find some plumbin'! I got a plan!

(Later, the Marios are holding trombones made out of pipes. They proceed to walk up the stairs to the door.)

Toad: I hope you guys can play those things!

Luigi: Are you kiddin'? We played in the Brooklyn Plumbing School band for three years!

Mario: *laugh* Yeah, before they threw us out for eating during a concert!

Luigi: You were eatin'! I was holding your salami sandwich while you turned the page!

(Toad opens the door a crack and sees several Troopas guarding the kids, who are now in a cage.)

Toad: There's the kids! And there's Koopa!

(Koopa and Mouser are standing on a ledge up above.)

Koopa: Good work, Mouser!

Mouser: Do I get a medal, your royal snoutfulness?

Koopa: I get the medal, rodent! Tripling the guard was my idea! It would take a miracle for those brats to escape!

Mario: Okay, Toad! Me and Luigi'll get the guards away, and you free the kiddos!

(The Marios begin to play their trombones. The song "Hit The Road Jack" starts up. The music travels through a hole in a pipe and the Troopas hear it as it comes out the other end. The Troopas go into a trance, drop their spears, and walk off.)

Koopa: Hey, mouse brain! Where's that music coming from?

Mouser: Maybe you left your radio on!

Koopa: Don't be silly! This is Pasta Land! Radio hasn't been invented yet!

(Meanwhile, the Marios continue to play, and are leading the Troopas around.)

Koopa: Look! It's those faucet freaks! They're using my own trick against me! *growl* Koopa Pack, attack!

(Mario picks up a keyring that one of the Troopas dropped with his foot and kicks it over to Toad, who tosses it to Princess, who unlocks the cage.)

Princess: Follow me, kids! And hurry!

(Luigi reaches for a lever next to the raised drawbridge, but Mouser interferes. The song ends.)

Mouser: Hold it drain brains! Your music has no effect on me!

(Luigi knocks Mouser aside with his trombone.)

Luigi: That's what you think!

(Luigi pulls the lever and lowers the drawbridge. The song "Hit The Road Jack" starts up again. The Marios lead the Troopas across the drawbridge and away from the castle.)

Koopa: Get back here, you stupid Troopas! You turkey turtles! Get back here, or I'll repossess your shells!

(Princess, Toad, and the kids walk across the drawbridge, as Koopa runs down a flight of stairs.)

Koopa: Stop them! Those rotten toadstool tots are getting away! Mouser!

(The song ends. Koopa runs up to Mouser, who's lying on the floor.)

Koopa: This flute will bring them back! And then I'm putting you in full charge of the little brats!

(Koopa runs onto the drawbridge.)

Mouser: If Koopa thinks he's putting ME in charge of those vegetable driblets again, he's flipped!

(Mouser pulls the lever, causing the drawbridge to break away from the castle and dropping Koopa into the water.)

Koopa: My flute! *cough* I've lost my magic flute! You know, I've been having more bad luck lately than a bad guy can take!

(Cut to the village, where the citizens have gathered around at a table, which Mario and Co are sitting at. On the table are plates of spaghetti that the Marios eat up. They then rub their bellies in delight afterwards. Someone then places a chest on the table.)

Mayor: Please rise!

Luigi: If we can!

(Everyone rises. The mayor then pulls out four meatball-shaped medals from the chest.)

Mayor: I hereby present you with the order of the Golden Meatball, for your valiant efforts in rescuing the children of Pasta Land and saving our spaghetti crop!

(The mayor places the medals around the group's necks as the crowd applauds. Mario and Co all take a bow.)

Mayor: Speech! Speech!

Mario: My only regret is that I have but one stomach to give your country!

(Mario picks up a fork, twirls up the last noodle on his plate, and eats it as everyone else laughs.)

The End

Go back to the list of episodes.
Go back to Lemmy’s Mario Cartoons.
Go back to my main page.